I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Good morning, everybody. For those of you who are here for the first time, we're in the midst of a seven-week practice period, which is once a year we intensify our practice with lots of scheduled events, people commit to more zazen, and there's a head student who shares the abbot's seat.

[01:10]

And this is my opportunity to share the abbot's seat. I've been practicing for 12 years and still feel very young. And it's a great opportunity to practice with everybody so intimately and intensely. And if it feels right for you guys who are here for the first time, please come back. And if it doesn't feel right, I hope in the near future some seed is planted today and you do come back. It's a real wonderful opportunity to sit together with people and to work through our lives together. I'd like to thank everybody for their support thus far. This is, I think, week two or so in the practice period, and I look forward to your continued support for the remaining five weeks. And I'd like to thank my knees for holding up.

[02:16]

I had knee problems a week or so prior to the beginning of practice period and I had some serious questions whether I'd be able to keep going. And aside from clicking during the bowels, they seem to be holding up okay. Traditionally, the Yushu talks on a koan. The shuso is not the teacher, the teacher is to my right, Sojo Roshi, but it's an opportunity for me to express some understanding of what this koan is about. Oftentimes the koan is about Bodhidharma's visit with Emperor Wu. Bodhidharma brought Buddhism from India to China in 500 or so AD. I'm going to be talking about Dongshan, Dongshan Liangchi, who lived during Tang China from 807 to 869.

[03:26]

And Dongshan is the founder of the Soto lineage, along with his student, whose name is Xiaoshan Penchi. I don't speak Chinese, so I apologize for mispronunciation. Now the records of his teachings were compiled some 800 years after he died, so needless to say there's some question about the facts that were recorded. There were some writings in the 10th century just a hundred years or so afterwards, but nevertheless 800 years after his death is quite a long time. But what we do have is a collection from the editors who preserve for our benefit the spirit of his teaching. And the spirit of his teaching is very

[04:33]

and very poetic. It's a very soft style of practice. In this golden age of Zen, which was again during the Tang Dynasty in China, there were five distinct houses of Zen that formed and each one was a little bit different. Lin Chi school which is the school of Rinzai and young men were in stark contrast to the Dongshan or Soto school. Those schools they exercise a lot of brusque physical challenges to one's understanding. The stories and accounts are those where there's people being shaken and hit and shouted at and whatnot, but these stories are not in the Dengxian record. Some have called the distinction between Soto and Rinzai schools

[05:40]

Again, these are just names, and if you like to study history, there's all sorts of metaphors and stories around that. But the important thing is not the style so much, but what they're pointing to. None of these teachers were set out to found a school of Zen. The distinctions came about much later. When Zen students came to identify particular styles of practice, and they began categorizing them. Ultimately these paths lead to the same source and they represent different archetypes whereby an individual's affinities could find a place to practice and to find fruition. We all have different styles and different ways and some of us want more rustness or shaking up and some of us like softer ways and sometimes we go for what feels right and sometimes we go to what's opposite.

[06:49]

You got to find out for yourself what you need. While we do have a record of Suzuki Roshi's teachings and an opportunity to sit with his disciples, we have to remember that over the past 25 years a myth has also been created about Suzuki Roshi, more a legend actually than a myth, but I think you get what I'm talking about. What's most important is our liberation and we all need to look into his teaching and see the liberation and the quality of that life and practice. and the flowering of the Suzuki Roshi lineage that we all are practicing it is a testament to the legitimacy of it. Like Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, the Record of Dongshan makes little mention of actual meditation technique. What the editors have given us is a distillation of his teachings with only one enlightenment reference which is his own

[07:57]

and four, contributing to others' awakenings out of 120 stories, the pure mind of everyday life is revealed rather than a record of peak experiences. This is a great book called The Record of Dungshan, very thin, very affordable. And this is story number nine. Deng Shan had been practicing with his teacher, Yun Men, for quite a while. Just before leaving, Deng Shan asked, if after many years someone should ask if I am able to portray the Master's likeness, how should I respond? After remaining quiet for a while, Yunyan said, just this person. Dengxian was lost in thought.

[09:00]

Yunyan said, Che Akarya, having assumed the burden of this great matter, you must be very cautious. Dengxian remained dubious about what Yunyan had said. Later, as he was crossing a river, he saw his reflected image and experienced a great awakening to the meaning of the previous exchange. He composed the following gatha. Earnestly avoid seeking without, lest it recede far from you. Today I am walking alone. Yet everywhere I meet him. He is now no other than myself, but I am not now him. it must be understood in this way in order to merge with suchness." And that's the story that all these 1100 years of practice have gone back to.

[10:04]

So I'm going to go through this and comment on it and save time at the end for some questions. If after many years someone should ask if I am able to portray the Master's likeness, how should I respond? Traditionally in those days respect of the teacher that they had understood his or her teaching a portrait was given or drawn by the disciple as a record or a seal and I often look at the Suzuki Roshi picture on our altar here in the same way, so we all have pictures of Suzuki Roshi in our After remaining quiet for a while, Yun-Yun said, just this person.

[11:17]

Just this person was an old legal custom in ancient China, where a criminal confessed his guilt in court. Therefore, he assumed total responsibility for his or her act. Ultimately, we are responsible for what we do, and we have lots of excuses and reasons for what we do. But after all is said and done, we have to assume full responsibility for what we do and live with the consequences. In this gatha there's just a few lines but they're very rich with meaning and I'm just going to touch on a few points.

[12:25]

Earnestly avoid seeking without lest it recede far from you. For me this is the problem being identified, it's sort of setting the tone for what is about to be revealed. there was a precedent with this. As I was studying for this talk I realized that what is there new under the sun? There's all these commentaries, there's all these stories for you know hundreds and hundreds of years and if you go back you see or read similar stories and what I came up with was well there's point and different people turn on different points that are raised and one might be reading something at one day and the following day or a year later actually be turned by it. This was composed in the 800s in China and the two sources that I found that preceded it

[13:38]

were the Tao Te Ching, which was of course common teaching in China, which was composed around 500 BC, so that's 1300 years prior. And in the very first chapter, the Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao, the name that can be named is not the eternal name. The unnameable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things. Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations." Essentially it's talking about don't objectify, don't pick and choose, which we all have heard lots of times. The third ancestor, Seng San, wrote a verse on faith-mind and his take on this, Don't Objectify, composed a poem and it goes or starts, The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.

[14:58]

When love and hate are both absent, everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinions for or against anything." So it was all said before. So if it was all said before, what are we left to do? Well, we have to express it ourselves and live our life ourselves. We can't live through the words of old sages, old teachers, and Deng Xian's expression is his own. Today I am walking alone, which can be interpreted as at one, not separate.

[16:02]

seeking nothing, nothing at all. Yet everywhere I meet him, I like yet everywhere I merge with him, but merge or meet basically it's just coming together as one. And this harkens back to his teacher response to his question about what should I say when people ask about you, just this person, just this one, just this universe, just what's in front of our nose. Everywhere I meet him is just this one. So being nothing, being empty, one can be filled with everything.

[17:08]

800, 1200, 400 and some odd years after Dongshan, Dogen Zenji traveled to China and brought back the Soto line to his country. And in his famous fascicle in Shobo Genzo, Genjo Koan, there's a passage about enlightenment and when one is awake the 10,000 dharmas advance onto this self of no-self which is his interpretation of yet everywhere I meet him so meeting him is one thing meeting him is 10,000 things and him doesn't necessarily have to be the person Him can be her. Him can be this microphone.

[18:10]

He is now no other than myself. I think that is about a reflection that he saw in the water. Also, talking about oneself as a third person is a literary device that acknowledges that this person is just an aggregate, a collection of skandhas and there's no substantial self there. So there's me, there's Ross, and then there's this person that's fumbling through this talk, but nevertheless it's an acknowledgment of no substantial that's here talking with his fellow Dharma students. But I am not now him.

[19:15]

When I come forward it's separate, it's acknowledging this self, this small self I'm no longer him, I'm no longer intimate with this one universe, this one body. I've separated again, which is okay, it's acknowledging that we're separate and it's also the other side of he is now no other than myself. So we have these two sides that we have to It ends, it must be understood in this way in order to merge with suchness. For me this is just plain old encouragement. These are the teachings, this is my little poem or my big poem, this is my offering to you 1100 years ago.

[20:21]

What are you going to do with it? We'll try to understand it, try to sit with it. In the Blue Cliff Record, there's a case, number 43, which I'd like to share with you. A monk asked, how does one escape hot and cold? Why not go where there is neither hot nor cold, said Dongshan. What sort of place is neither hot nor cold, asked the monk. When it's cold, you freeze to death. When it's hot, you swelter to death. He's talking about the extremes, duality, hot and cold, lovely, horrible.

[21:27]

sweet and salty and these extremes are just representing what they are and more importantly they're symbolic of the relative side and the absolute side and there's no world apart from the relative and the absolute, it's all we have. So how do we go where there's no distinction between hot and cold, no hot no cold, no eyes, no ears, no nose. It's the doctrine of emptiness that was very important and very prevalent in this rise of Zen in China as Buddhism came from India and the tradition and the ways of the the Theravada were maintained but a new way of thinking of it or a new way of expressing understanding came to awareness and it's recorded in the Zen

[22:39]

Some years ago I was riding a subway in New York and there's various rungs of heat on the east coast. There's a humidity which exacerbates everything and then there's the heat of the subway and the underground which has absorbed all the heat from the day's sun and then there's the subway cars and all the people in the subway cars emitting their own heat and some of the cars are air-conditioned and some of them aren't. The un-air-conditioned cars tend to be somewhat empty. So I was traveling around with my two dear friends and the first thing when the subway doors open is to jump in. and you look around and you see if there's any weird people and if people seem pretty okay then you sit there.

[24:03]

And so after the major fears are taken care of then you can start fine-tuning your comfort. So then it comes down to temperature. and my friends and I looked at each other and realized this car was empty so there was less likelihood of some weird people being in there and it was hot. So we sat there for a little bit of time and then my friends got up to leave and they went to the next car which was somewhat crowded and I continued to sit there and I looked around and there wasn't anybody else in the car. It happened a long time ago and I don't remember everything that went through my mind. Part of me wanted to be with my friends because they're very close friends. And then I realized it's okay to be here alone. It's okay to be here in this very hot subway car.

[25:07]

And after a while, it was just sweat. and that was okay. And looking back on that time I realized that like Deng Shan is talking about and all the other ancestors have talked about and our teacher Sochen has talked about that after a while you have to give up your preferences and just sit there in the heat, in the cold, in the pain, in whatever it is that's causing you trouble. And if you're fortunate enough, things will turn a little bit and you'll be able to deal with the heat or the cold or the pain or whatever it is that's bugging you. Well, needless to say, my friends asked me about my subway ride.

[26:16]

We arrived at our stop and I didn't have a whole lot to say. I think I was a little puffed up that I just hang out. But in any case, it is a touchstone for just accepting what is. I certainly could have gotten up and gone into an air conditioned car. I don't like it when there's a heat wave in Berkeley. I came out to California from Virginia, New York to get away from the heat. And I remember how hot it could be. And it's actually not so bad then. Our practice period turns out to be 49 days long and that's the traditional period of time that a bardo state lasts. A bardo state is the place between birth and death and I never imagined what a bardo state would be like, but it's been very nice.

[27:34]

for me. And I hope it's been nice and encouraging for you all too. And I look forward to when we come out of this Bardo state on Monday for the Shuso ceremony. The Shuso ceremony is an opportunity to engage with the Shuso in a heartfelt question of practice. And while there is the desire I think for most people to be nice and ask a question that isn't terribly challenging or provocative to let their dear friend Ross who is nice enough to have tea and sweets. It's the one real clear opportunity to challenge and bring the Dharma up to a level that keeps the tradition going in a real authentic way.

[28:38]

And I hope to meet your question, and if I fail to respond to your satisfaction, you should probe a little more. Maybe we could talk outside the Zendo. In the alley? In the alley. Alley-oop. So, that's what I have to present to you all today for your consideration. We have about 10 minutes or so for questions or comments. And I look forward to having tea with you all and continue to sit during this practice period for the remainder of this Bardo and into the future.

[29:48]

Thank you. Sue. And just to hit it, I appreciate your inclusiveness, including me, in what the ancestors have to say, which is very difficult for me to grasp in modern times. So I appreciate that very much. Thank you. Sue is the head chidin, and she takes care of our altars. So while she doesn't do all the flower arrangings throughout the year, she's responsible for the ornamentation here. And your offering to our temple here and at the other altars is also appreciated. Thank you for caring for them. Hi, Moffat.

[30:50]

not begin choosing, accepting what is and staying with it. Could you help clarify a little bit how to understand that in view of the fact that on the one hand we're in this world and our situation really can't change too much. We kind of have to sit with it, or deal with it, or be with it. Yet we have these tendencies to try and escape. But on the other hand, I think what often has confused me at times about Zen practice is that it seems to, it could be taken to be that you should try to make a situation better than it could be better. Right. That means... That's a good question. Insight to that?

[32:03]

Yes. What comes to mind is the first question I asked my teacher in New York, Ted Sicken Glassman at Zen Community in New York. I had been sitting for a few weeks and I had some sense of what practice was about and I said, It seems to me that Zen practice is about learning how to put your foot forward. And he smiled a little bit, turned his head, not to unlike our dear teacher here, when he hears something like that, and says, yes, and knowing when to take your foot back. And I started thinking about that. And of course, I had a lot of earnestness and sincerity, and I just wanted to put my foot forward and go, go, go. And then I reached a point where I couldn't go any further. I got sick, and I got laid up in bed for about six weeks with mono, and I started looking at my life, and I realized that I had to make some changes. I had to do something. It was a very different style of practice there, an authentic style of practice, and different than here.

[33:17]

So the change I put out was to go west, young man, and I fortunately I had the opportunity to come here and meet Sojourn Roshi and practice in a very different style. And in that process, it's taken me a while to let go of what practice is about, thinking that it was just this one way. And the style here is very different, and this is where I'm being nourished, and it doesn't take anything away from my practice in New York. Another opportunity I had to kind of put these two together of how things are, how things are wanted to be and they're not was two years ago my marriage blew up, literally and figuratively.

[34:20]

And it's been a long process and as some of you know my wife and I are talking again. and kind of working through what happened, what did happen, what didn't happen and what I realized was the impermanence of everything and thinking that things are permanent is a big mistake and it was an illusion and she and I are the same person and we're a little different but it gave me an opportunity to see that the one fundamental thing in practice is that things change. And it's little glimpses into that where one is able to build a foundation and a new life to work on. And as

[35:24]

It's often said, and I could never believe it, that this person's good for my practice or this job is good for my practice. On some level, all that stuff is. But to have the wisdom to know when to move on in the job or in the relationship, some choices are easier than others. People, for me, are much more difficult to let go of than jobs. I don't think I could ever leave that job. It's a great opportunity to serve coffee and tea to the masses and it works well with my life here at Zen Center and there's some really great people that I work with and there's some really great people that come in the store and I feel privileged to be in Berkeley and be doing all this.

[36:28]

It's really wonderful. And when you guys come through the store for a hello or a cup of coffee or something, I realize, yes, this is practice in the world. There are Dharma people out there doing their lives in all the vocations that you have, and everybody needs a little drink once in a while. Oh, Lili, I didn't see your hand, I'm sorry. I'd like to ask a question about appetite. That when you come into the subway, one's appetite is normally to find a comfortable, easy position. And yet, somehow, one gets drawn into just sitting there in the heat, as one gets drawn into sitting in sashimi. And what can you say about that appetite, that shift in appetite?

[37:36]

Or maybe it's not a shift. It comes around from intention and desire. For me, I wasn't hurting enough to realize what I needed to do with my life. And the desire to burst through my hindrances have enabled me to see that the only way to get on with my life in a lighter, more inclusive, real way is to eat it all.

[38:57]

And I've eaten a lot. I could eat some more and I probably will eat some more. Sojin didn't know me when I came out here. I sewed this rakasu in New York but I was not ordained there. Tetsugan had a number of students who were sewing rakasus and there was a long period of time, there wasn't a date set for the Jukai. So I took my rakasu and left. I brought myself and my father side by side in the U-Haul and the Rokkasu out to California. And as it turns out on the bulletin board there was a Jukai coming up. There were nine, I think eight people that were going to be ordained. This was in 87. Hozan, Alan, Sanaki was

[40:01]

there, and Grace Shearson was another, and I'm not sure if anyone else here was in that group. Anyway, I asked Sojin if I could be ordained, and he said, well, I have to think about that, because I hadn't been practicing here. He knew my teacher in New York, he knew some students there, and I had written letters saying I'm coming out there to here. So after a couple days, he said, okay, you can join the Jukai group. and I was very happy. This is in 87. So I was the last person in this group of nine. I felt a little bit like David Abel who was at the very back of the Jukai group a few weeks ago and I received my Dharma name which is Seishi Tetsudo and the translation that Sojin gave to that was pure determination realize what that meant and I'm still chewing on that.

[41:10]

Over the last two years, I don't know if he knew what was going to happen, but whatever, something happened and I really had to buckle down and get through it. After all said and done with all the things that come up in people's lives, there's not a whole hell of a lot to depend on. And the one thing that one can count on, one thing that I've been able to count on is my breath and my posture and this cushion. which is a cushion that I sat on in New York and I brought out and it's been up in my closet for years and I thought now would be a nice opportunity to sit on it again. Some people's appetites are different. Some have more and some have less and I think that that's regarding that desire to

[42:15]

to wake up and to cease from suffering or to lessen suffering. And there's a lot more to be said, and I hope to follow up on that in my next talk or when we meet privately for tea. One thing about practice for me, lots of things about practice, but I just wanted to end why I think I found a certain affinity to Zen practice. As most of you know, I like things neat and orderly, but that is no indication at all of any great awakening. It's just an obsessive compulsive thing. Nevertheless, that's how I live my life. And when I came to Zen practice, there's a lot of talk and instruction about taking away, taking away, taking away.

[43:21]

No, no, no, no eyes, no ears. And when I take away all the stuff, what's left? There's still this, kernel of suffering and discomfort. And waking up is the opportunity to really live, and my understanding is essentially second principle understanding, which is through books and taking classes and learning and talking to people. But the first principle of direct experience is what we strive for. There's not a lot of talk about it. As I mentioned in the Record of Dunkshot, it's only talked about once, which is very different than this style of practices in other places. It's very subtle, and it's very easy to feel like there's nothing going on here.

[44:25]

I'm getting out of here. I'm going to try something else. But it feels right to me, and no doubt it feels right to you guys. So let's continue to eat together. It's a little after 11, so if there's no more questions, but we should end. We'll, I guess, have tea and cookies. We could talk some more perhaps. Thank you. Jeans are numberless.

[45:06]

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