Well, I'm happy that we can all sit together today. The last week of December, Zindo was closed and I've been away pretty much the first part of January and I just came back from my vacation last night, yesterday. And Monday I'm going to Tassajara for until February 3rd. So we won't see much of each other and so it's nice to have this one day when we can all sit together and I can sit with you.

[01:10]

So I haven't been around very much and won't be around and I miss you. And you probably miss me a little bit. But I feel that this is a very good time. For me, it's a kind of test of you. to see what you'll do, how you take care of yourself and how you take care of each other and take care of our practice. We've been practicing

[02:25]

for 17 years? And I've been around pretty much all that time. Not completely. I spent a lot of time at Tassajara. More or less, I've been at home. So now, I'm not at home so much. And you've been practicing for a long time too. Not everybody, but a good many of you have been practicing for a long time. I feel that when I'm not here, the responsibility falls on you.

[03:33]

And that's what I look for. To me, the most gratifying thing is when you take the responsibility. That's the most gratifying thing for me. when I can leave and everything goes as it goes. When I was studying with Suzuki Roshi, I knew that someday he wasn't going to be around. He was a lot older than me, than I am now. But I knew that someday he wasn't going to be around. And I always had that in my mind. And I thought, well, if Suzuki Roshi isn't going to be around, what am I going to do when he's not here?

[04:40]

So I always practiced with the feeling that I had to be independent enough so that if I wanted to practice, it didn't matter if no one was around. It didn't matter if anyone was around. And so I always practice with the idea or with the kind of spirit that I must maintain the practice. I must maintain and keep the practice without depending on anyone. And that's always been my way. So actually when Suzuki Roshi died, I could continue without falling down.

[05:57]

And I think that each one of us has to have our own motivation for practice. We all have to ask ourselves, what am I doing and why? And what is it that we're studying and receiving, what is it that we're receiving through practice that is important to continue? Each one of us must ask this question. You know, in the old system, original Buddhism, there was the Kalyanamita.

[07:30]

Kalyanamita was literally spiritual friend or mentor, teacher actually, but more like teacher according to capacity or capability. In our Zen practice, a teacher has a kind of exalted position. In the old original Buddhism, a teacher also had an exalted position. there were different degrees of teachers. So, someone who wanted to learn meditation would find a Kalyanamita. If they couldn't find the best teacher, they'd look for the next best teacher.

[08:33]

And if they couldn't find the next best teacher, they'd find the teacher who knew something more than they did. And then they would study with that teacher. And so a lot of people taught a lot of people. A lot of people were advisors or mentors or spiritual friends to a lot of people so that the students weren't depending on just one person. And in a sangha, you can't just depend on one person, even though it's a kind of pyramid shape. Still, everyone has their place on the pyramid. And we look to someone who knows a little more than we do to help us.

[09:45]

And if we know a little more than someone, we can help someone else. And we need to develop that kind of way more, where we help each other. Not so much, you know, instruction. Instruction is not so much what I'm talking about. Sometimes instruction. but by our example and by our interaction. Dogo, famous Chinese monk Dogo, his student was Lungtang. This was in the Tang Dynasty in China. And Leng Tang, you know, was ultimately a very famous teacher in China.

[11:12]

And Lungtang studied with Dogo when Lungtang was very young. And after he'd studied with Dogo for about three years, Dogo didn't tell him anything. He never gave him very much instruction. So one day, Lungtang asked Dogo, he said, you know, teacher, He said, I've been here for three years studying with you, and you've never given me any instruction on the essence of mind. And Dogo looked at him and said, well, I'm constantly instructing you on essence of mind. He said, when you serve me food, don't I eat it? when you bow to me, don't I bow back to you?

[12:19]

This kind of activity is very important How we express our understanding in a direct way, in a very direct way with each other is how we learn something from each other and how we manifest and bring forth dharma. Lecture, you know, is okay. It helps us to orient ourself. But our actual action, interaction and action with each other is where our teaching is and where our learning is.

[13:33]

And the Dharma is very subtle. Very subtle. It's easy to miss. You can miss it very easily. When we were with Suzuki Roshi, we used to watch him very closely because his dharma was in his movement. He also gave very good lectures, but sometimes you couldn't understand what he was talking about. His real dharma was in his movement. But you shouldn't depend just on the teacher, you know.

[14:48]

The other students and people who are practicing also express the Dharma. And we should, everyone should express the Dharma to each other, with each other. That way we become mentors for each other. spiritual friends, Kalyanamitas. So, when I leave, you know, after I come back, when I leave, I always ask Ron, how did things go, Ron? Do people still come to Zazen regularly? And was there some dynamic feeling? This is the first thing I always want to know.

[15:50]

Did people forget that they were practicing? Did they remember? So the thing that I'm most interested in is your responsibility, your taking responsibility for your own practice and for helping each other. And it's expressed through our subtle, very ordinary, most ordinary moment-by-moment activities.

[16:58]

We may think there's some big thing to learn. In the library we have hundreds of books about Buddhism and Zen. So we feel there must be some tremendous thing to learn. But actually, right here in our subtlest, most minute actions and interactions, It's very likely that as time goes on, I'll be gone for periods of time. I expect that that will be so.

[18:07]

I don't know what exactly I'll do, but probably, very likely, be more involved with some responsibility of Zen Center in San Francisco. I don't plan on moving away. I have no desire to move away from here. I'm perfectly content and happy to practice with all of you in the way we're doing now. But I may be at Tassajara for a practice period or something like that. But whatever responsibility I take, I want to remain here in this place. But I will be gone for various periods of time.

[19:10]

So I think that you can expect that. And I just, I want to encourage you more and more to take on the responsibility of our practice. Maybe you have a question? In order to be independent, one needs to have some certainty that personal practice is solid enough or sturdy enough so that you can afford to take some risks or deviate from some routine.

[21:04]

If you take too big a risk or you become too independent, then there's a possibility that Well, it's like we have the nuclear family. Let's compare it to children. You have the nuclear family. And in the olden days, there used to be a more extended family with uncles and aunts and grandmothers and grandfathers. So you could have a rather large family, but everybody would be taken care of through that system.

[22:06]

through grandmothers and grandfathers and uncles and aunts, and a lot of older people who helped to guide the children. But your question about how do you know, it's a good question. And also, how much responsibility should you take? How do you know? for someone who is very ambitious or feels that maybe steps too far you know there has to be some counter to that and usually it's maybe me you know who said no i don't think you should do this you know why don't you go back And that's an important function, to be able to hold someone back.

[23:11]

People don't like to be held back, but sometimes it's necessary. Otherwise, you know, they get ahead of themselves. And for someone who is holding back too much, you want to say, come on, you know, move. That's probably the most important function of chief priest, to know where that person is, each person, and whether they should move forward or not move forward so quickly. But other people know that too. So you have to be able to sense.

[24:13]

And when you are working with people in that way, It's the one area where it takes some experience and people have to give you authority to do that. But we learn from each other, you know. We have to be able to give each other some feedback. If someone wants to step in too much, then the Sangha has to be able to say, or some members of the Sangha have to be able to say, that's too much.

[25:29]

And they have to feel the authority to do that, which I think they can. And I think that there are enough mature people in the Sangha to be able to do that. And the other side is getting people to move. I think that's probably where we had the most lag, is in encouraging people to move. who are reluctant or shy, who need to step into something and find themselves. Quite a lot of time, a lot of the time, people hold back, you know, when they should be stepping forward, and to step forward even if they're not sure of themselves, and find themselves within a situation.

[26:34]

That's important. But again, I feel that there are enough people who are mature enough to be able to know who needs to move forward and who needs to not move forward. I think that we can do that without me. I have actually a lot of faith in our that I call the mind of the Sangha, our collective mind. I think there's a lot of maturity here.

[27:40]

And the more I can step back and allow that maturity to develop, the more it will develop. So although when I'm not here, some people have trouble, some problem, but the problem is good. It's always good to be thrown back on yourself. When we talk about being independent, we don't mean independent of everything, but meaning you can stand on your own feet, and you're interdependent with everybody.

[28:55]

Suzuki Roshi made up a word, independency. And when he said that, I said, do you mean interdependent? What do you mean? No, I mean independency. Independent, but yet not completely independent. Not just all by yourself. You have your own motivation, and no one can push you over. But you're a big help to everybody, and you interact with everybody, with all these other independent beings. Independent also means that there's just you.

[30:10]

But just you means that everyone is just you. You're not separate from anything. That's a complete independence. Not separate from anything. So as I say, my greatest gratification comes when I see everyone mature and able to take that responsibility and to be independent.

[32:01]

So let's enjoy our sitting today.

[32:50]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ