Good morning. This morning, we are happy to welcome our friend, Kodo Shun-Chi, Linda Gallien. And her German name means eternal way, intimate ground. It's a very auspicious name. Linda's been, even though she lives across the big waters, she's been practicing here and associated closely with Berkeley Zen Center for more than 15 years. She's presently a priest and program director at San Francisco Zen Center. And she was ordained by Sojin Roshi in 2004. And in 2008, she was head monk for a practice period at Tassajara. And she's also married to another longtime BCC person, Greg Fane, who's presently living at Tassajara.

[01:05]

of a hardship that will be changed sooner or later. So welcome, Rita. Thank you very much, Alan. So we have Children's Day today. So we'll start with that, kidsendo. Welcome, kid, to kidsendo. So this coming week is A holiday. Do you know what holiday it is? Thanksgiving. It's going to be Thanksgiving on Thursday. Have you talked about Thanksgiving in your school yet? Do you know the story of Thanksgiving? No. So, many, many years ago, before even your parents were born, there were some people who first came to America. and they were called pilgrims, because they were searching.

[02:08]

And when they first came here, they had a really hard time. They didn't know how to grow the food so well, and the winter was very cold and hard. So there were some people who already lived here, who were native here, and they helped them. They shared some food with them, and they showed them how to plant so they could grow food for themselves. So every year we remember that, what a special time that was about generosity and sharing. And that's why we call it Thanksgiving, because we give thanks. So what have you received that you've been grateful for just recently? My toys. Your toys. Yeah. And is there anything that you've given to someone else that they were grateful for? That they were happy for?

[03:10]

What did you give and who did you give it to? Love, love to the parents. I'm going to guess that that made your parents even happier than you were when you received your toys. What's the best gift that you can give or receive? What do you think? Care. Yeah. That's a beautiful answer. Care. She said the most important thing is care. Yeah. So you can give that anytime. It doesn't have to be a special day. One day a year we make a special day when we remember to give and to receive with thanks. But you can do that every day. So thank you very much for coming today. And now you can go to your activity. So I have been thinking about care and

[04:30]

gratitude a lot lately anyway and then I thought, wow, and it's seasonal. How perfect. I was just very grateful this past week for being able to be at Tassajara and to visit Greg. Greg is the head of practice at Tassajara and he moved down there in April and I will move down next April. So This year we're commuting, which is challenging of course, but the upside is that I get to go visit Tassajara very regularly. We have an arrangement that we can each go down or come up once a month. So I went down last week to visit Tassajara, and it was during the practice period. Tassajara is our monastery, Zen Center's monastery in the mountains, east of Big Sur, and it's very remote and very wild and beautiful. And it's very quiet in the summer, but in the winters it's very silent.

[05:34]

Right now there's 54 monks doing the practice period together with Tenzin Roshi, Rev. Anderson. And it's just beautiful to be able to be welcomed there. And Tenzin Roshi is teaching on intimacy in this practice period. And his first talk is called, What is the business underneath the patch robe? And you can actually listen to his talks online on the SFCC San Francisco Zen Center website. We have the Tathagata practice period talks up also. So what is the business under the patch robe is a koan. That's the question. patch robe. And this is the patch robe, the okheisa, or the rakusu.

[06:37]

So what is the business of the okheisa, of the rakusu? I think another way to say that is what is the business of Berkeley Zen Center? It is the business we're all engaged in together. Because it's not limited to those who've taken the precepts. Nor is it limited to those who come to Berkeley Zen Center or any Zen Center. What is the business of our life? And the response to this question was intimacy. The business under the patch road, the business of our practice is intimacy. So I'd like to talk about intimacy today in some various forms. I was reading the Lotus Sutra recently, and there's a parable of the prodigal son.

[07:47]

There's a parable of the prodigal son in the Bible, too, which is very, very similar, but it has some interesting differences. So the story is that there was a man who had a son. When the son was quite young, the son ran away from home. And the father searched everywhere but couldn't find him. He was very sad. He was his only son. And the son wandered and became poorer and poorer and just completely forgot where he'd ever come from. And he became destitute and quite miserable in his life, just completely struggling for many, many, many years. This is 10 or 30 or 50 years. Long, long time. And the father, after looking for him for some time, eventually settled in one place and became very wealthy, very well-to-do.

[08:57]

prospered and was well respected and became like the leading person in the area, had so much wealth. But always thought of his son, always missed his son and wished that he could find him again. And as he got older and particularly wanted to pass on all that he had, all his wealth, to his son, he felt that loss even more acutely. And one day, the son in his wanderings, his searchings for work and just his complete subsistence lifestyle, as a homeless wanderer, came to the area where the father lived. And he thought, maybe I can find some work. So as he approached, he actually saw his father, but he didn't recognize him. What he saw was this person of wealth and prosperity. He thought, oh, this must be a king. I don't belong here.

[10:02]

Somebody have a cell phone nearby? He thought, I don't belong here. I better leave. I better get out of here before I get in trouble. So he started to leave. The father, however, had recognized his son immediately. and he sent a messenger after his son to bring him back and the messenger grabbed the son by the arm and then the son got really scared he said, oh no, I'm going to be imprisoned and I haven't even done anything wrong and he struggled and he kind of passed out and the father saw this with great compassion you know, that his son was so lost that not only did he not recognize his father or where he'd come from He saw him so debased that he couldn't even receive anything and that he was just frightened. So he sent another messenger and he said, let him go, just let him go.

[11:06]

So the son went off and he had another messenger follow him and he had the messenger dress in very plain clothes and he said, I can give you a job cleaning excrement and filth and I'll give you this kind of wages." And the son was delighted. He thought, this is great. I have work, and it's even pretty good wages, better than I'm used to getting. So he had a little hut, and he spent some years doing this. And the father kept an eye on him, kept a very close eye on him. He would watch him from afar, and sometimes he would even put on poor clothes himself, and he would go talk with him. He'd go spend some time with him, just as though he were another lowly person, but maybe a little higher in station, and he would encourage him. He'd say, oh, you should work hard, that's good, but you're taking care of that so well. So he kept watching him over the years, but still the son clearly couldn't accept anything more than this lowly position.

[12:12]

Very gradually, over the years, he started increasing the son's responsibilities. He had him do a little more and he rewarded him a little more, gave him better clothes. But he was still living outside the gate, still living in a hut outside the gate. He couldn't quite come in. But 20 years go by and finally the son is really able to take up greater responsibilities, dressing well, starting to manage his father's wealth. He's looking back on his former lowly life and doesn't see himself that way anymore. He sees himself as a more worthwhile person, has more self-assurance. So gradually the father sees that he is more able to receive, and the father knows that he's about to die, so he certainly wants to pass on

[13:15]

his wealth, his gifts to his son. So he brings all his relatives together and at that point he's never told anyone that this is his son. He's kept that a secret all these years. And he finally makes the announcement, this is my son. And all my wealth belongs to him. All my wealth and all my possessions are his. And the son was overjoyed to find his father and to receive all that his father had for him. And to realize that this person who for 20 years had supported him and nurtured him and taken such good care of him and gradually taught him and raised him up was in fact his own father and he was very able at that time to receive everything. So the son had this great hindrance of thinking of himself as a lonely person, as an inferior person.

[14:19]

Even though the father wanted to give everything, and of course in the story the father is the Buddha who has these riches, has all the riches of these teachings, all the wealth of all the teachings, and we are the children who have such a hard time receiving all of this. The teachings are there and we have a hard time taking them in. And one of the hindrances is having this idea of ourselves as very lowly or very inferior and of, you know, not me, I can't do that. And I thought of this partly because recently in my own life I had an experience of finding it very difficult to receive all that was offered So starting several months ago, I was having some issues with my health and it was a period of uncertainty and questioning about what was going on and eventually I was diagnosed and had surgery and now I am very happy to report that I'm cured and completely recovered and feeling very, very well.

[15:44]

But during that time, I think the hardest thing for me was actually to receive all the love and the care that people were giving to me. Because, you know, living at Zen Center, in the midst of this rather large extended community, you live with, you know, 50 or 70 people and, you know, many more, so it's like this on a daily basis, you know. So when people would be concerned about me or worried about me, I would feel their presence and feel their concern. And it was kind of overwhelming for me. It was so intimate. Because I'm used to being in the position of being more comfortable giving than receiving. We all have our comfort positions. That's my comfort position. It's easier for me to give than to receive. I would tell people, I would just acknowledge this, you know, because I would start to almost tear up and feel a little overwhelmed when people would be so kind to me, so concerned.

[17:00]

So I just started letting people know right off the bat, you know, this isn't so much about my health, this is about you being so kind to me. And because I got so much opportunity to practice, After a while it got a whole lot easier, and after a while it was just like, oh yeah! This is so good, you know, to learn how to be present, to learn how to open my heart, and not just to give, but to receive so deeply. It's like the Sun Devil story in the Lotus Sutra, He was filled with joy. I was filled with joy. And I received so much support from people in so many different ways because I was having surgery.

[18:03]

Several people came forward who'd also had surgery and said if I wanted to talk with them about it before or after that I could do that and I did. gave me some really helpful suggestions. And on the morning of my surgery, I was aware that well-being services were being held here at City Center, Tassajara, Green Gulch, and even at Santa Cruz and Houston Zen Centers. And I felt that so deeply. So when I woke up at 3.30 morning of my surgery, I felt so light and so peaceful and ready and I just kind of sailed through the whole process because I felt the support of so many people so deeply and was able to feel so much trust.

[19:06]

So thank you all so much for your well wishes. One of the other ways that I've been practicing with receiving lately, giving and receiving, has been in walking. This is a practice that was shared with me years ago by Gil Fronsall. He said, let your legs take you for a walk. And I found that really helpful because I realized that very often when I get hurried, which is more frequently than I would care for, that I tend to lean forward. I'm kind of leaning into, you know, getting to the next place. And to sit back on top of my legs, like the way you sit in zazen, just sitting exactly on yourself, sit on your seat, and letting my legs and my feet take me for a walk.

[20:28]

It's like, oh, I can just go along for the ride. I don't have to push this. I'm not going to get there any faster. or slower can just go right along. So I've been practicing wherever I walk to let my legs take me for a walk and to have a moment of letting go and receiving the feeling in my legs, receiving the ground, receiving the connection. Because finding that place in our bodies of receiving is so helpful, so powerful. Because once we settle in that place of being able to receive, then we notice when we're not in that mode, when we're striving, when we're shutting down, when we're grasping, and then we can let go again.

[21:31]

Because that's the other side of receiving, is letting go. There's a koan of the visitor who goes to see the Zen master. And the master pours the visitor a cup of tea. And he's pouring the tea. And he just keeps pouring. And he doesn't stop. And the tea gets to the top and then it starts to overflow. And the visitor becomes alarmed and he says, stop, stop, the cup is full, it's overflowing. And the master says, Yes, it's just like your mind. You came here with a full mind and you're not able to receive. So, if our hands are closed because they're grasping, if our minds are closed because we're holding on to what we think about who we are or who somebody else is or what's going on or what should happen or what shouldn't happen,

[22:41]

It's very hard to receive. And of course sometimes what we receive is delightful. It's wonderful to receive people's love and care. And it's wonderful to receive the ground in our feet when we walk on the earth. But not everything that we receive is so delightful. Sometimes we also receive pain, sorrow, or anger, our own or others. But here's the thing about shutting down. When you shut down and holding things at bay, when you're defending, you always have to defend all the time it's very hard to let down your guard if you're afraid of what's going to happen but if you can actually see what's there if you can feel what's there and be present then you can choose when to set a limit when to have a boundary

[24:12]

when to defend yourself, when that might be necessary and when to open but the first step, I think, is actually to let go because we hold on so tightly and to receive, to open and when we receive even when it's painful there's such a profound gratitude just to be alive Just to be alive is enough. Sashin is such a wonderful time and place to explore that. We sit for several days or seven days all together and put ourselves in this little box together. the space of a zendo, the space of our cushion, the space, the tiny space of our minds, and explore the walls in the container of that and come up against whatever we have been trying to hold away.

[25:32]

Whatever we've been trying so hard to avoid comes to visit us eventually. one way or another, whether we sit down and open to it or we don't, eventually it's all going to come and visit us. And when we can welcome that, when we can welcome all visitors to our consciousness, to our awareness, and receive them, then there is really the possibility for joy and for freedom and for release. Many years ago, before I ever started practicing Zen, I went out to the desert. That was my practice. I would drive out to the desert by myself and camp out by myself for a few days or a few weeks. And I didn't really have any idea of what I was doing.

[26:41]

I just kind of threw myself out there to see what would happen. But it was very much like sitting Sushim, you know. All the demons would come visit, and then all the angels would come visit. Usually about the third day, just like sitting Sushim, you know. And at that time I had a really hard time feeling whatever I was feeling, I wasn't even aware of it. Somewhere in the third day, oh, fear, oh, okay, or anger, or whatever. And going into it and going through it, being completely present with it, there was something that released something very deeply held that released and I remember after going out there a number of times I usually went out to the very middle of the Nevada desert I had a particular place that I would go to I had a birch creek and I remember having this profound gratitude for the desert

[27:57]

because at that time I didn't trust other people to wait for me to be present to show up to get through all my stuff so that I could really be intimate with people I had an idea about how I should be and since I wasn't that way I just didn't know what to do with it but I could take all my messiness out to the desert And I wasn't worried about hurting the desert. It was big enough to hold me and all my stuff. And I thought of that when I was thinking of the parable of the Lotus Sutra. You know, here's this father who has this infinite patience for his son to wait until he could be completely present. so all we can really do is be patient with ourselves just as we are right now whatever that is and to open to whatever is showing up

[29:23]

and to just keep doing it again and again and again because this is the practice of intimacy and this intimacy leads to a deep gratitude for our being for our lives for one another and for the whole universe Does anyone have any questions or any comments they'd like to share? Peter? I wondered if you could speak a little bit about receiving, flipping that one around a little bit, as a gift, not as a given.

[30:30]

That the receiving is a given. Is there something you can say in response to that? A gift isn't fully a gift unless there's someone to receive it, or unless there is receiving. So when there is giving and there is receiving, then the giver, the receiver and the gift, it's all giving, it's all receiving, it's all gift. And it's just like a pebble dropped in a pool, it just opens wider and deeper. You linked feeling overwhelmed with intimacy when you received the blessings of all these sanghas for your health, and I'm wondering how you work with

[32:03]

mostly with larger groups. Well, no, it's actually... Larger groups are easier, especially if they're not present at the moment. Yeah, I guess I wasn't so clear about that. Yeah, it's the one person coming up and saying, How are you? You know, that person's right there, and you're looking in their eyes, and you see them, and you see them seeing you. Yeah, it goes right to the heart. But I could say a little more about that because it's actually something that I've been practicing with over years because I saw how I wasn't able to be as close to people in the moment as I felt to them when we weren't actually present together. I feel very close to people but then I couldn't express it so well. and I wanted to be able to be more present.

[33:21]

A couple of friends and I started a practice together several years ago called Lupin, which is something we learned in mediation practice. And it's basically kind of a form of reflective listening where you just repeat back what you heard someone say, which sounds really easy. Bob, you're laughing. When you start trying to just attend to what someone says, to have this kind of simple framework, you realize all the other things that come into play, like what I'm thinking about what they're saying, how am I performing, am I remembering everything right? So by practicing with this on a weekly basis we all learned how to let go of all the things that were standing between us and simply listening simply being present and I remember feeling this shift and it was kind of like some cameras have a focus finder

[34:44]

You find a focuser that is two images and you have to bring the two images together. And it had that kind of a feeling where I'd been out of focus and a little out of kilter and I was suddenly present. And I was like, oh! There was this kind of surprise and relief that I could let go and the world didn't end or whatever but that something that had been scary I could be present and there was something that opened and I can't even say what that I mean I can say words and words don't reach it

[35:46]

But I think all of us have gone through some moment of turning directly to face whatever monsters live in our closets and having the relief of being present with things just as they are. What is the source of the difficulty? Oh, old karmic conditions. I think for all of us, old karmic conditions. The source of the difficulty is whatever ideas we have about what's there. Some old pain, some idea about if I do this I'll avoid pain. It doesn't really work so well. It's kind of an outstanding short-term solution, really lousy long-term solution.

[36:49]

It's like, oh, I hurt my finger. Well, I think I'll wrap it in a bandage and never take the bandage off again, you know? Yeah, continuing on the chronic conditions. When we talk about this, it often seems to the mind like a closed circle. The problem is shutting down and not being present. And the solution is not shutting down and being present. But excuse me, I'm shutting down. So you're telling me to not shut down and that has solved my problem of shutting, but wait a minute, you know, you know what I'm saying? So, yes, be completely shut down.

[37:50]

It makes me want to hit you. No, it's scary. I'm sorry. So if there's resistance to opening up, just be completely present with the experience of shutting down. What is it like to be shut down? I feel it here, and I feel it here, and there's these thoughts. Robin. Thank you for your beautiful talk. I'm going to swing back around to the kids end. And working, knowing what's the appropriate response when we're with people close, not close, where there's little that they can be presently thankful for because of circumstances in the world.

[38:54]

A brother who's been unemployed for over a year. People who have other kind of threats to their basic shelter and food and possibly health conditions of insipient depression and despondency because of a sense of nowhere to go. So what was the question? What do you see as an appropriate response? It's really hard. I grapple with this and I try to come up with straightforward... I mean, I can offer love and kindness and listening and being present and at the same time, the condition of no income, no prospect for income, difficult economy, locations, and variations on that, and things here coming through the news on an everyday basis.

[39:55]

In my own experience, there's two sides of that. One is doing everything that I can do to help, And the other side is being completely present with it's not enough. It's never enough, actually. And to not turn away from that, to not turn away from whatever feelings of longing to help, powerless to help, but of not falling into despair or despondency myself. to encouraging myself and my own practice so that I can help other people to stand on my own spot and reach out as much as I can. That's the way I practice with it.

[41:03]

Thank you for your talk. And you also talked about Gil's advice to feel your legs underneath you. And it occurred to me, when you had surgery and when you're recovering, you get physically touched a lot, not just emotionally. And knowing some of your background as a massage therapist, I wondered if you could just talk a little bit about responding to physical touch. Sometimes that's the most direct. And when it's in a context of safety and trust, it can just bypass so much of the other the other Mishadas.

[42:04]

And what's safer trusting for different people is different for each one. Sometimes it's a hand, sometimes it's just a shoulder, sometimes it's a whole hug. But yeah, that can be such a direct refuge and direct connection. I see the staff rising. Thank you all very much.

[42:35]

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