Waking Up

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don't thank you
ah good morning everyone to skinner the sun gallery view
i want to ask if you can hear me i put my sound up a little bit high so that deafening you are
can i want to begin today i'm just here welcome you and say i'm glad to see all of you that i can see in this soon format
and down
let's see how begin by
talking a little bit about why i started practicing his eyes and twenty eight years ago on and on sort of what i was hoping to get from it and and a little bit about whether i got it and so on
you know when i started sitting on my life was really busy
i was married and i had until you're old and a six year old and i was running a dance company and i have a dance studio and i was teaching and doing other kinds of production work and then can get it was kind of a three ring circus
and at the same time my father was ill and he lived in berkeley both my parents lived in berkeley huh
and you know very soon before i hum
i started practicing he died and i was with him know throughout his illness which wasn't a terribly long illness
i was really with him when he died i was sitting right with him when he died
and you know as i think happens for people you know when your parent dies at kind of makes you aware of your own mortality he was in his early seventies and it wasn't impassable for me to imagine being that age and
you know it was kind of like guy was the next step on the diving board you know and them it was kind of a wake up for me and and so that was the point at which i i started my sitting practice
and i'm i actually took a little time off from my dance company and down you know sort of made time for that
around that time in i was talking to a friend whom he may very very well and she was somebody who i was dancing with of the time and she asked me you know why was i adding something to my life you know it was already just you know so complicated and i was just like running
around all the time trying to just keep things organized and you know everybody safe and fair in
my my dance company you know funded and yeah just like you know kind of crazy and them and when i remember saying to her was ah
is that you know become aware that i'm gonna die at some point sooner or later and i feel like i'm not
experiencing my life i feel like you know it's just passing me by and i'm always running ahead of it in are trying to you don't make it work or own you know organize things or do logistics manager maneuver you know just always ahead of myself
or maybe the are behind myself regretting something that i did wrong with her didn't work out or and you know a performance it didn't go well or something but or be no i forgot to pick my kid up at preschool but am
you noticed this general feeling that i wasn't ever
you know
having my life i didn't have it and i was gonna be over so that sort of what started me on this path and am
i home you know have been reflecting a little bit on whether you know what my kind of hope was for this practice or my dream oh you know has kind of worked out or how has it worked out for me and then you know i just for
felt this separation kind of between you know where i was in my mind and you know where i wasn't my body
i'm you know part of what interests me when i think back on that is hum
you know kind of how i knew what i wanted them and kind of what experiences i'd had ah that kind of made me know something about it and you know i i will say that you know dancing was a practice like that you know it yet
it was a time you know often when i was performing but also let you know when i was just dancing and when i have been dancing as a child where i felt you know really present and sort of like there was nothing you know you know pulling me out of my body really
and so you know that was that was something i knew about it didn't i didn't it didn't try to translate into the rest of my life
but you nine i knew something about it from that and then
you know i dunno i did you know in my dance training some sort of body awareness or movement awareness were that your classes that you know period including nearly idea of mindfulness and answer body awareness and m so you know that also
was kind of informing me but again i'm it didn't it didn't sort of leafless studio with me
and and i couldn't find it in the rest of my life
and you know there were other times too you know that i remember sort of sometimes in nature or you know when i saw some wonderful
music or art
you know i would have that you know feeling of you know kind of being right there and i'm may be sort of dumbstruck and you know the kind of forward thinking would be kind of knocked out of me ah
i exhort of follow trends in psychology because my daughter has been studying it for a number of years and then there's kind of always something new and sort of a new idea in psychology but
maybe five years ago or something i started noticing some research that was being done a lot of it at berkeley actually and it was called the psychology of ah as an awesome or you know awestruck and
the idea of the psychology was that
you know if you saw or sort of confronted with something that was you know just greater than yourself like if you saw the ocean for the first time or you saw the grand canyon for the first time i you would it would sort of shift your paradigm and sort of your sense of yourself as
and you know with a very positive effect and i i think he know part of the research they're using you know psychedelic drugs to kind of enhance his experience but you know they really talked about these experiences that you know you have the occasionally in nature or home you know in art or something
when are you you know you're just sort of taken over so to speak and
so this is a little quote from you know what they say about what happens when you have this experience it's a lazy this is your experience of ah it can be self transcendent it violates our normal understanding of the world and gives us a diminished sense
it's of the small self people feel like they have more time increased feelings of connectedness
it picked makes people more kind and generous so you know i think i'd had that experience in i you know when i saw the redwoods for the first time or you know when i saw even something small and nature that was sort of breathtaking i'm so i i knew about it from that and then you know and i'm sure there's
other ways you know that we kind of have an inkling about this and am
i read another story this was a newspaper about a guy who was just like spinning in his mind about you know the kind of political situation this was and not it was a year ago and do and i guess and he lived in chicago and he was worried about politics and he was like really worried about the pandemic and one more
he rode down to lake michigan and am
i got off his bike and stood at the edge and jumped in and lake michigan at that time of year apparently is fifty degrees and he said it felt so good i just wanted to block it out a pandemic everything and you know so you know that sort of fizzy
local shop that sort of moment when you really are sort of thrust back into your body
i think i know about that too you know to stubbing my toe or i don't even having a massage sometimes could do that by the way that the story was it he had done that every single day since then so i guess it worked for him
so you know i had this notion about what i wanted this notion of waking up
but i'm
i didn't know how to translate it into my everyday life and in i read some books about san and i
i'm done some sitting a little bit before that ah but hum that's where i went at that point to serve you know try to figure out powder have this in my life how to have my life include this or this expire
the answer you know not to always be chasing my mind piece of good
so i'm looking back you know i i kind of ask myself whoa did it work you know did i get what i wanted and am
yeah i guess the answer is i did but i got you know of course it's a little different and i saw it and also i got much more than i wanted and you know at that time i would have said that i probably didn't want more i just wanted that and also
so that i thought it was kinda been in a little tweak to my life you know that i was just good i'm gonna make my wife better but i'm you know it's turned out to be and much kind of larger a part of my life and then i thought it would be at that time then really has changed my
like quite a lot
i'm so i wanted to talk about our co on today that sort of for me expresses the sort of the deer sense of what i've where i've come to or you know what this practice is
that was bigger than i had any notion of at the time when i started oh and i think probably everybody here knows what cohen's are
they you know but just in case you don't have to say that for me their little vignettes are dialogues or conversations of stories or dramas may be that a little short ones that kind of express our practice and or some aspect of our practice and
they i'm sure there's modern collins i'm not familiar with them but i'm sure they must exist but most of the cohen said i'm aware of in that i have a talk about it and have other be other people around here talk about
really old am they were collected in china
in the twelfth and thirteenth century but the stories themselves are purported to have occurred and often involve a teachers who lived at least two hundred years before that so the story is sort of burst said to have occurred before that and then they were collected
hum in the twelfth and thirteenth century so that makes them like ninth century or before and
you know him as i said their stories from china and so a very different time a very different place in a very different culture which can make them a little impenetrable and they certainly weren't for me when i started looking at them i
i started studying them with soltan i'm probably six or seven years ago and i'm may be more even and he was giving a classes sort of sporadically am and just studying one colon at each class and am you know i really did find them very difficult
and i'm kind of only really stuck with it because sojourn just love them so much and of course i like to be around him but you know his enthusiasm for them was sort of palpable but still i just mostly so frustrated and he would exp
plain them and i would get some little glimpse of if you know which i actually valued about but you know mostly for me they were hard to understand and then about three years ago i started studying them with some of my friends here at the berkeley city center first with jed and ron and then
and with andrea ron
and i've been doing that kind of every week almost since seven working my way or our way through the book of serenity which is one of the collections and am
you know i've kind of relaxed a little bit around them and you know kind of felt more confident that i could you know interpret them the way that i that i interpreted them in that not somebody else was always write about them and down you know that kind of come alive for me so i
i'm gonna talk about one that sort of alive for me in sort of talks about as i say what i think of as a bigger picture and i think i'm fond of this swannery tells this one because not only is it a little kind of story but it's a little dance for me it has a lot of movement in it
so this is from a collection called the blue cliff record and i'm it's called elder joe stands motionless
and this takes place at least in my imagination
in the zendo of a monastery
and am
i picture it sort of like what we call show sign where it's kind of a formal setting where are the student and this is kind of an experienced older student as is asking the teacher a dharma question and in this case the teacher is rinzai who
answer in al-qaida was known to be a very powerful energetic and very physical teacher ah
do so again remember this was a different culture am so here is the on elder joe that's the student asked rinzai what is the great meaning of the buddhist teaching
rinse i came down off his meditation seat
grabbed the student and held him
then gave him a slap
and pushed him away
the student stands motionless
a fellow monks standing nearby a dharma brother said lt joe why don't you bow justice joe bowed he was suddenly enlightened mostly people are sort of enlightened from these
in these comments
so i'll just talk about you know my interpretation and i'm sure there's others ah and maybe if you have others you'll tell me at some point because i actually always like hearing them i'm so the student is asking rinzai the question and the question is what is the great meaning of the buddhist
teaching and you know i think of this is a good question you know this is a question you they be really could ask in shosanna or and docusign you know what is this about what is
kind of the essence or the colonel or that maybe the truth although maybe not of buddha's teaching what's so what's the most important thing i'm
and what's buddhism and what are we doing here you know really all those questions those are good questions
and am
so then the next part i see as rennes ice answer he knows sometimes i used to think those kinds of questions and there's many of them in the cohens and i'm used to feel like you know the answer the answer of a teacher gave like hitting a voice a whisker sending monster watches but was soon have a reprimand for
for asking that question
but in this case i feel like and i think probably in all cases it's really he's answering the question
so wins i comes down off his meditation seat you know you can sort of imagine you know so dinner osan getting up and coming down and he this is harder to imagine he grabbed the student and held him
and for me hum
that kind of represents sasson really it represents being still
and silent
and you know partly i feel that you know when i first started sitting that came as such a radical thing for me to just stop
and am
you know just be with what was going on for me at that time and i'm you know to serve i felt like i was doing nothing sometimes for four or five days and m in oct kind of organize my life to give myself that
time was just a huge thing for me and i'm also you know i felt that am
you know the teacher and them people around me were holding me they were really supporting me because i'm not sure i could have said still if they weren't there i'm so it felt in a very intimate and sort of supportive to have people around me
and you know i've heard other people say that in especially difficult times in their lives that they really needed to sit with people and couldn't really do it by themselves and in i sort of felt that in the beginning it was harder for me to be alone on
so that's what that part is about for me and then
and then rinse i gave him a slap and for me that is the waking up part that's the kind of just i'm kind i'm being knocked into yourself you know like jumping into lake michigan it's you know you're right there there's nothing else you know it's
emptiness or
you know being completely just present justice and m
you know that's kind of
oh a moment that can come in our in our side salaries of sort of available may be more in our and then and in our busy lives
but you know wherever we experience it you know whether it's
you know jumping into cold water or seeing the grand canyon or been all the rainbow we can't hold onto it you know it it's just over when it's over and i'm in a we wanna cling to and i certainly did but we can't
i humbly time moves on we move on and so the next part when when a pushes him away i see as sort of okay you know you had that experience now you have to move back into your life and then you know that was really the part that i
didn't realize i didn't think about or didn't know about you know when i saw it about you know wanting to you know be present i was like how to be present you know i won't nothing else you know
funny that i had that idea that said in oh and then you know the very last part is you know his store my brother again his saga said to him hum
why don't you bow and this is again kind of like our shows on okay you got your answer now bow and you know he bowed and i'm you know them you know my feeling is he he really got the answer he saw the whole thing and i'm so that's sort of how i see the koran and m
you know it it's sort of a solar pictures and that i had when i started and
you know i i guess i wanna talk a little bit you know again about what i've am
kenneth with shifted sorta for me and and it's a lot of it has been about sort of this transition between
zazen and you know kind of daily life
ah so you know i just guess i had this idea that i was gonna a sort of escape from all the planning and managing i just somehow didn't factor in that i would still have to buy groceries and
you know get my kids to school and so on
and you know all that sort of planning i saw it i just didn't realize that somehow i was going to have to keep doing that and down
and uniting you know one of the big things for me is that my relationship to the to that kind of thinking or then to my thinking has really changed and you know one thing is it it doesn't pull me around in the same way that it used to i don't run after it quite the way i did and you know
i've learned to sort of live alongside it he be or good with it in a way with my kind of thinking and planning mind
you know him
more compatible i'd say way
and you know i think again zazi you know which is that holding still part of our practice which is just a huge part of our practice it's may be the main part of our practice in a certain way
is really a good place to look at kind of that relationship
you know it's a safe space for one thing you know a lot of what i felt like i was doing was trying to keep everybody safe and healthy and well and you know my dance company safe and healthy and well and own
so in other than center is you know kind of us safe space to you know let go of some of our thinking and especially in session we have you know our forms which are really you know about kind of mindfulness had been present and
then you know we have someone who keeps the time for us with someone who cooks for us and surface our food and tells us when job to do so we have a little freedom to let go of the thoughts that go into maintaining our lives and i'm you know this chance to sort
of sit with them and watch some and let them be there and let them go and they don't seem so like our survival is so dependent on them and dumb
you know we don't have to respond or react to them so much and you know sort of slowly over time
i'm you know my relationship has changed and in icing you know our thoughts stop running us and i'm
you know we're
kenneth able to be more
a present even when we're writing our grocery lists store
you know when we're quiet or when we're busy
oh and
it also that was sort of a bigger picture than i had and m
i'll just tell a little story about sajjan ah i when i wish you so
oh i had to give a lot of toxin and the one of them once i get maybe the last one i had to give during the fight a session at the end and you know i really want to sit that session but you know it it didn't leave many time to plan my talk and i'm so i would be sitting you know
in my seat it but i would be thinking about the talk them it was gonna give
and am i went to see so didn't one morning and i said you know i'm not really sit exams and i'm just thinking about my talk
and he said
thats zazen
so the outlet was a little reminder of it you know it's all
you know we we can still be present with whatever's going on
i think the other thing that you know i didn't really factor in is that i had sort of a rosy picture of you know what waking up was gonna be like know i didn't really think about that i was gonna have to wake up to be present for things i didn't blink
i'm like fear and hum
hurt and anger and i just didn't factor that in i sort of thought it would all be
in whatever green bothersome so on
and then again i feel like as as and is kind of a laboratory for this ah we sit with all the difficulties and problems that are coming up in our lives and them
you know right at the beginning you know i was like i just thought you know if my knees hurt like this in real life in regular life i would just get up and move but you don't be silly with discomfort you said with oh and not always but sometimes and you don't you don't
turn away from it and you know it's kind of as people often talk about a solid
in our pasture where be know it's feels a little more possible to let you know feelings come up problems come up you know and i'm we get some experience i think with with being with those things on it can be surprising
it can be painful but but we can have on
get some confidence that we can sit with what is coming up for us and am in i feel like that allows us to open mortar you know what's really so ah
yeah i think i think that's what i feel about that that i've become more a willing kind of to you don't let life be the way that it is for me and less fearful really the and i remember seeing to geauga once i
feel braver and you know it's because i felt like i could could withstand or stand or be present for more than i thought i could and that gradually i think expands over time and am
you know we
we're able to you know sort of be bigger and take in more and sort of have bigger minds you know we're not pushing things out all the time
ah i'm gonna
and with her
very very short reference to another cohen and this one is the one that i studied when i was nauseous so and studied with sodium
and is call it's really a famous one and it's you know one that again involves a very powerful
you know strong teach her name master bustle and this one is called son face to the moon phase to the i'm in it stayed with me you know state really close to me for since i was she so it's really with me a lot ah
and i'm much has been said and written about it and there's many ways of looking at it i can assure you
but i'm for me it's just really about you know including everything and a kind of a reminder of that and as i said it's very short master bustle was am
wife and he was ill ah the attendant of the monastery came to visit him and asked how are you doing are you will or not and bosco said some faced buddha move it to them
and i'm gonna finish with her
short a quote from suzuki roshi on this on know i just kind of wanna say that am i just think that such a great little answer and to such a good answer i wish i could say that when somebody asked me how i am ah
so this is the quote knowing that your life is short to maintain a day after day moment after moment is the life of form is form an emptiness is emptiness when the buddha comes you welcome him
when the devil comes you welcome him
the famous chinese master bosco said some face buddha and will face buddha
ah ah that one nero's way that is a form that is the life of form is form and emptiness emptiness there is no problem one year of life is good one hundred years of life is good
if you continue this practice you will attain this stage
so in that uplifting note i will stop and know
no take your comments your questions if you have them
thank you everyone for the hand if you have a question now please raise your digital hand or feel free to send a check directly to me and i will not manage that time for you thank you

ah so should i call and penelope are you going to ego
your muted heiko
penelope when it you just go ahead but a new yourself
lovely to hear you thank you know on the hook when you were speaking at the earlier part of your talk about and it feels like it went all the way through the talks to theme of or
it kept reminding me of am
mary oliver who who in many different settings used this phrase of that her job description for the life was to live in praise and awe avoid cherished that especially in moments that feel more challenging to
find the places of praise and or to still hold that position so euro your talk was a for me a celebration in a way of not thank you u penelope i just wanna say that the definition of ah cause i looked it up are you know
is a terror or great reverence
that gets do it doesn't
thank you
oh stephanie would you like to admit yourself
i'm ellen
i was wondering how your ah dancing your expression through danced shifted as you started practicing
well you know it's interesting at her dinner i think it did but i realized that this has really been kind of a goal of mine always in my dancing but it became more on you know kind of i became more aware of it as i started practicing
that i wanted to
come share that sense of presence i wanted i wanted to kind of communicate that and i think i actually always did even when i was pretty young and i i wanted to express that in some way but i became more aware of that
you know as time went on so i think that was the change but i'm not sure the real sort of wanting to do that changed i just think am
i just became more aware of it
thank you

now a question from shoe give me a moment please to find and spotlight her
you can anew yourself su
i alan i still
thank you for your talk hum
it was very grateful to hear that you study with senior students
and on
i wonder about has since you are a senior student about people coming to you how do you like new students people who become new members you know we want to welcome people into the saga and meeting with senior students is a wonderful way
way to do that so if a new or old member comes to you how do you how do you hold that that meeting that practice discussion
you know i really
i mean one thing is i'm
obviously from talk i'm interested in what brings people to practice
and on
i think also because of my own experience i feel like anywhere somebody starts is a great place to start
so i i just kind of on
you know try to make myself available and and you'll often people have questions and sometimes they don't really have questions but but i'm i liked it kind of encourage them he especially nor people to articulate you know what they're doing here you know
what brought them and you know people usually like to talk about that actually so but poorly you know one of the things i feel and i really felt as when i was she so is talking about what we're doing clarifies it i mean you know again you know we're returning to silence and you can't put it into words
spec you know it really makes you engage with it in some way so i'd say that about nor students and about people who've been around longer
not usually just laugh with him
i think it's good open she
the current do we know i'm question from jeff jeff from the yourself please and ask your questions when you are spotlighted thank you that was a great taco and thank you so much so many ways to him and that's what i love about great lectures
i think my attention wandered among all the great things that you shared i missed how you felt about the student being struck compared with the story you shared who i think that's a really good question wrong when he brought him
she met want to tell a little story here because you know ice i find that know i have to kind of
you know be tolerant in some way of that you know i'm not into it but i will say that i have had experiences with teachers i have asked questions somewhat similar to that where i felt like their answers were you know metaphor
prickly a little slap
so and i'll give you an example and thank you for asking the question because i liked this example so i went to see sodium and this is when i was studying the heart sutra
and i'm befuddled fairly befuddled by it and am
you know i i was time to and unfortunately i don't remember what my question was ah but i said to him you know whatever it was a you know i just anxious and struggling with this and yeah i was gonna worked up nice
finally i just don't understand it and am you know he
corrupt and was quiet and looked at mhic and have worked at me you know which you know kind of you know pushed me back into myself and then is het yes you do
and for me that felt you know just like a little a little weak up a little like you know you know be here you know you know be in yourself and so you know whereas you know i'm happy that he never slapped me and nobody else did and i don't condone it home some
and that's not the only one that felt like you know
felt why you just a wake up like that so that's that's what
that's one of the best explanations of of striking that i've heard and i think the analogies really wonderful thank you so much
we have a question now from rush rush go ahead and a mute yourself that you pick up and take you ll
your talk we might be a suzuki roshi his comment be careful about wanting enlightenment you might not like and
would you spoke about the difficulties and things that you woke up to a wondering if you could say a little bit about how you embrace those are accept them as such a way that they had the same kind of light and acceptance and appreciation if you will for this so-called
lighter or nicer or more rain bowie as you described a aspects of them are days thinking

i'm not really sure i do
i wanna be clear that you know their many things in my life that i don't like you know that are really things that i
you know wish i wasn't experiencing
you know there are very hard for me and am so i don't want a kind of say that i don't have any preferences you know that i don't pick and choose i do and am
and you know i think most of us do but i do feel
you know i have a a bigger i guess i would say a big remind for it a more tolerant or generous mind toward me on the things i don't like the things they don't like about myself in our make critical thought hudson the things i don't like about other people and
their opinions and you know i just have more
sort of am
i don't know sort of i mean tolerance is sort of a word or sort of
forbearance navy your patience patience but there is some joy in it the and other actually is some joy and and i can explain that but in other is some maybe humor or something in you know just how opinionated and more picky i am you know i guess i would say that
great thing to wake up to that reminds us of suzuki roshi telling sojourn sometimes just being alive is enough
experience us thank you so much again
thank you rise we have now a question from gary gary go ahead and i meet yourself
hi on hi gary talk
i think what ross was digging at his isn't that the moon moon face
that that part that's on
kind of you don't like by you're able to hold
ah anyway
my my question is when you ring the bells say the big bow
what's that like
that's my question yeah i got a question ah what's it like a mean
you know if it's like lots of things it's like i'm not quite sure what you're getting at but you know sometimes it's like and right here and i'm feeling the vibration of this bell and sometimes it
it's like oh my god i didn't hit it right i should they hit a louder softer or somebody's gonna tell me to do it differently so can be almost different ways
yes it as far as when i was getting at i i kind of feel that at least from my personal experience of it it's
it really brings you
something special i don't know i just connects you with everything the universe in a way a big bell
i'll just say something that's coming to my mind which is
this is a little
personal but
and i feel like that bill is kind of them to deeper tones that deeper tonality ah
and you may be the darker tonality one might say and am
there was a period of time when my husband was going through a period of what some people might have called depression but he
did not wanna call it that he called it you know he was just living in the lower registers so i just hope that would say that the he's on this home so he may have something to save better eh
thank you gary right now we have no question to has teaches the moment of quiet and see what comes up thank you on
bring your questions

the there we have a question from and please dial and i meet yourself and go ahead
i'll start your video also please helen if you will
oh hi i didn't intend to raise my hand
but i did have a question about what number the blue cliff in what case number that was my number thirty two number thirty two thank you
nancy okay bye
kurt i think you should i yourself and has to question
ah great i thanks so much on for the that talker was doing wonderful and in heartfelt and alexander i think i just mentioned earlier so many ways of connecting with that on the and resonating are one thing that
ah occurred to me is when we were talking about those experiences with nature and are an extra to get his part of the definition of laws that it doesn't fit into our conceptual structure writes them experience and so then we need to accommodate rather than a similar
later stuff something the you mentioned being dumbstruck right and do it made me think about a taught jerry gave earlier ya a while back about the fool and yo parts of our practice where i think it's to draw your word says practice like a fool
no in southeast wondering that notion of are being done right of not knowing of are practicing in not so logical or ah rational i guess kind of way what we would say is usually rational if you would talk a little bit
if that's been part of new practice that letting go of the air with a combined and allowing yourself to to be dumb and if that's how far are you into a baby
i think you're a sort of talking about it you know so maybe you have something to say about it you now have been part of your practice ah yes yeah yeah that's what kind of resolution you got that been because so often and still i hear you
a figure all right you are no are you wanna but all of that i guess for me though knowing the figuring out is the if it's kinder while the control maybe wine to be safe and in so just when we go
with that in just not knowing it in inherits and trustworthy and that's been an issue new are certain for me because i that that is so scared to say i don't know or i will really confront this fully in just
not know in not have a way of understanding or figuring it out or or that kind of thing so yeah there is i think that edge of of maya of my practice still in is a practicing being dumb
yeah and if that is really a use of the the at least for me you know sometimes i think i was santiago some he said several of paraphrasing a reason a in rationality is a good servant but a former
master me i needed to restore the that's really well said i think we can't do without it that we give it way too much power in a way too much of our kind of a confidence and then
it's a hard thing to like of and again in i think you know the reason has been so that way that i've sort of been able to see
that it isn't who i am really cause i really thought it was soon
thank you
we have now an equation from susan margaret matches and please i need yourself
hi on a citizen you so much for your talk
i am can you say something about for you what's at the very center or the meeting place or the heart of
sun face buddha moonphase buddha and i'm asking this because
in an hour coming into the fire season a new and i have been talking about that being outside walking and talking about the air and that
and how are we get a practice with son chase buddha moon face buddha
ah you know that's something i actually think about quite a lot you know the sort of
i'm you know all that that
means is those fires climate change you know animals dying all of that sort of heartbreak really and and i think it is you know to both terrifying and heartbreaking
and am
you know i i think it's you know their sleep
things in life that are just difficult you know and and in a certain way our practice doesn't change that you know there are things that are just you know sort of overwhelmingly of painful and you know so when i think of sunday's buddha and moonphase
the i i think of that sense and i think you've had this experience in i have of you know sitting with something that you can barely bear and am and something you know kind of expands so that you can hold it
and i guess that's what i think about this and you know and then we have to remember in a that today is beautiful
and our gardens are really nice and the trees are still there for now and and that part of it but there is some way of of just expanding the whole that kind of trauma and pain that i think in our long experience than we will experience
so maybe
heartbreak is it the meeting place or the center of
some chase buddha moonphase buddha and that might not be a bad thing it's now my think i don't think it's a bad thing
and i don't me either
ah but i will i used to think it was a bad thing at one time i thought heartbreak was really a bad thing