Well, we've actually passed the mid-practice period. I can't remember exactly when it was, but not long ago. After last night, it's pretty hard to give a straight talk, but I'll try. At this time of practice period, we usually assess our disposition. When we begin the practice period, we have enthusiasm and everything is new, sort of new, even though you've done it before. we gather our self together and make a good effort and start off with a kind of tight ship so to speak and as time goes by the boundaries loosen up and there are holes here and a leak here

[01:32]

and a dent there, and we really find a lot of leakage. So, and not only leakage, but sometimes discouragement, sometimes boredom, sometimes sometimes our mind starts craving various things. So at this time in practice period we should look toward renewing our intention and continuing with some strength and renewal.

[02:40]

So that's what I would like us to concentrate on from now on, is practicing the second half of the practice period with a new beginning. So there's this question, what is our practice? What are we doing? Is it vital enough? Are we sinking into complacency? Do we have enough pressure to feel that we're really doing something vital? It's important to have pressure.

[03:46]

Some people feel the pressure more than others. One person may feel a big burden from pressure And another person may feel that it's nothing or it's not enough. So each one of us is in a different place. We're all in a different place in our practice and in our dispositions, in our character, in our strength, and in our ability. in our ability to accept and in our ability to have equanimity and in our ability to concentrate. We're all different. So even though we have the same practice, there's something about the practice

[05:00]

the fine-tuning of our practice that has to be tailored to each person. We all get up at the same time in the morning, do zazen, work, etc. But the practice for each one of us is individual and different. and how we experience it is different. It's the same and it's different. But what is it that we can all practice that is vital for each one of us? What's the koan that covers everyone? There are a couple of koans that I give people, and then there are a couple of practices that I sometimes give people.

[06:18]

If someone has very angry disposition and suffers a lot from an angry disposition, then I usually give them a metta, often give them a metta practice. either reciting the Metta Sutra or practicing the four practices of Metta, which is loving yourself, loving someone that you know, loving someone you don't know, and extending love to your enemy, and then to the world and so forth, and the universe. And it all begins with knowing yourself, or accepting yourself. And, matter of fact, it was at Gringotts that I introduced the metta sutta into our chanting, because I really felt that it was something we really needed to think about.

[07:31]

And another, a koan that I often give people, or a practice, because these practices actually are koans, koan is our daily life. How we meet our daily life is our koan. We have books of koans, you know, collections of a hundred koans, and fifty koans and so forth, But those koans are just examples of our daily life. And our real koan is what's actually happening in our life. And if you study these examples, these examples are not about somebody else. These examples are about our life. So meta, extending meta is a koan. a wonderful koan.

[08:47]

And knowing how to feel gratitude is a koan. So often I give people the koan of gratitude, no matter what happens to you, bow and say thank you. Whether you feel that it's a good thing or whether you feel that it's a bad thing. So if someone insults you, you bow with gratitude and say thank you. If someone compliments you, you can bow with gratitude and say, thank you. Sometimes it's very hard to accept a compliment. Someone says, oh, you're nice, or you did this well, or something like that.

[09:49]

It's very hard for us to accept that. You know, what are we supposed to say if we say, gee, you know. Anything we say makes us feel egotistical. So accepting a compliment makes us feel, if we accept a compliment as it's given, we feel egotistical. So how do you accept a compliment without being egotistical? This is a koan, wonderful koan. And how do you accept an insult in exactly the same way? How do we cut through? So, as someone said, how do we cut through? That's right. That's what our practice is. It's not thinking it over. It's how do we cut through?

[10:53]

If we're dealing with this koan all the time, we don't have any problem about whether there's pressure or not enough pressure, or whether we're at the edge or not at the edge. If you can accept this koan, you will be right at the edge all the time. No problem. The only problem is the problem of the ego. That's no problem, is it? We don't have to know so much. We don't have to be so smart.

[11:57]

We just have to be able to stand up in the middle of our life. and accept whatever it is. we say, how come we never talk about enlightenment in this practice? You know, if you are in the middle of the ocean, do you need to talk about the ocean?

[13:22]

If you're walking up the mountain, do you need to talk about what is a mountain? If you're eating your dinner, do you have to talk about what is dinner? We talk about wanting enlightenment. How many people here, raise your hand, how many people here want enlightenment? Good. How many people are willing to pay for it?

[14:32]

What are you willing to pay? My life. What? My life. Your life? What about your debt? Sold. Sold? Okay. Everything has to be paid for. There's nothing that we get that we don't pay for. And if you want the most valuable thing, then you have to pay the highest price, right? You can't bargain. You can try.

[15:42]

We're always trying. But it's free. But even though it's free, you have to pay a high price for something that's free. So, good. Then we're all willing to practice gratitude for whatever happens to us.

[16:53]

And we won't get angry. How many people want to pay for enlightenment? Someone once wrote me a letter and said that Suzuki Roshi said, this is what he said in the letter, that he said, Suzuki Roshi said, I didn't hear him say this, that the mark of an enlightened person is that, I'm trying to say exactly the way he said it,

[18:06]

The angry person, enlightened person, is not disturbed by anything. You know, there are the three marks in Buddhism.

[19:16]

No self is one. No... No self. No... Everything is impermanent. and everything tends towards suffering. But there's also Mahayana three marks. No self, everything is impermanent, and everything is marked with nirvana. in the midst of suffering. So it doesn't mean that to practice enlightenment that you won't feel pain or that you won't suffer.

[20:35]

If you practice enlightenment You'll be very painful, extremely painful. But you'll find yourself, your real self, in the midst of your painfulness. So in order to practice enlightenment, we have to be willing to accept the painfulness of enlightenment. The reason why people want enlightenment is to relieve their suffering and get rid of their painfulness. which is a good reason.

[21:43]

That's what Buddhism is about, right? Relieving the condition. Relieving the painful suffering condition. But in order to relieve the painful suffering condition, we have to sink down into the midst of painfulness and suffering. If you want the tiger's cub, you have to enter the tiger's cave. That's an old Zen saying. So How do you accept all that?

[22:43]

We do it in Zazen, you know. We come, get up in the morning and we have Sushin, you know, and we do it. We accept all the difficulties and painfulness of Zazen during Sushin, during Tangario. And we do it with equanimity, balanced mind, integrity, you know, we do it. But then when we go outside, how do we maintain that? We know how to do it. When we sit Zazen correctly, that's enlightened practice.

[23:49]

You don't have to seek any enlightenment beyond that. You know, people do sometimes feel angry in Zazen. Why is this happening to me? Blah, blah, blah. I never felt angry in Zazen. Not because I'm good, but I just couldn't understand why you'd feel angry in Zazen. But people resent it. But if you continue to sit, of course, that will be eliminated. It can't continue that way. So Zazen is, you make yourself an offering.

[24:55]

You offer yourself. You just give up everything. And when you give up everything, you're happy, even in the midst of painfulness. You know, Paul said last, the other night, in his check-in, he said, I'm learning to open my heart. And when my heart is open, my mind is not so calculating. So, each one of us is given a challenge.

[26:23]

In this practice, we're all given a challenge, and we have to come up to that challenge. Whatever it is, if you're a new student, you have the challenge of being a new student. If you're an old student, You have the challenge of being an old student. You have the challenge of having a position, being in a position. Hierarchy is. But whatever position that you're in, you have the challenge of that position. That's all, you know? And from whatever position you're in, that's how you relate to everyone. So it doesn't really matter what our position is. We each have something to do. We each have a way to go. And it's the same way. When you have a chessboard, each one of the pieces has a position.

[27:35]

And they're all different. Some have more power and some have less power. Those who have more power have to be able to help or know how to distribute power with those who don't have as much. That takes skill, skill to allow people to feel that they have power, no matter where they are in relation to everyone else. By power, I don't mean dominance. There's a difference between dominance and power. And there's a difference between hierarchy and power.

[28:37]

Hierarchy merely means position in relation to everyone else. But it doesn't necessarily mean dominance. But people associate hierarchy with dominance. So if you say hierarchy, you get a reaction. Oh, you mean dominance. No, we don't mean dominance. We just mean position in relation to everything else. Do Yen talks about finding your Dharma position. moment by moment, finding our dharma position. And in zazen, moment by moment, we find our dharma position. When you take the posture, it's not the posture. The posture that you begin with is not the same posture that you end with 40 minutes later.

[29:42]

It looks the same, and there's something about it that's the same. It's the same, but it's different. Every moment of zazen, you have to renew this position. This is the samadhi of zazen, is to renew this position on each moment with awareness. The samadhi of work and activity is to find your dharma position on each moment of activity. So we have zazen samadhi, we have eating samadhi with oryoki, we have work samadhi, we have bath samadhi,

[30:48]

we have strolling samadhi. This is the samadhi of walking from one place to another. Walking from one place to another, we want to get somewhere from somewhere else. But each step is where we are. This is also the practice of work. work samadhi. We want to accomplish something, but each step of that accomplishment on each moment is where we actually are. So in zazen, we put our attention in the hara. That's the center. And the whole body centers around the hara, like this. And when we get up, the whole body centers around the hara in movement.

[31:53]

And when we walk, the legs are going and the upper body is doing something around this center. And when we work, we're working around this center. And if we have that awareness of working and moving around this center, we don't need to talk. All we need to do is pay attention to what we're doing. And as soon as we start leaking, we lose that concentration. It's not that there's something wrong with talking. Talking is a wonderful way to communicate. But as soon as you start blabbing, then you lose the concentration. So, I'm moving in a little different direction now. Concentrating here and breathing.

[32:55]

When we sit zazen, we watch the breath. But do we watch the breath here? You don't watch it coming up and down. You only watch it as the rising and falling of your abdomen. And when you work and walk or whatever, You put your attention here and the breath here so that you work with the breath in rhythm with your breathing. Pretty soon we're going to have our work session. And in our work session, this is what I want us to concentrate on. Not talking. Not idle chatter. But real concentration on doing whatever our task is with this kind of concentration. Breathing into our work.

[34:00]

Breathing with the work and moving from our center. And harmonizing with our surroundings. So there are two aspects. One is the narrow aspect, which I talked about, of just doing what's in front of you. That's Hinayana practice. Just your solo practice, your little corner of the world. And at the same time, to be aware of your whole surroundings and what everyone else is doing. That's Mahayana practice. So we're doing this Hinayana practice with the Mahayana awareness. That's our practice. by moment samadhi.

[35:23]

Renewing the present moment, moment by moment. Being one with the present moment's activity, moment by moment. And when we get lost, we come back. And we will get lost. We always get lost. The hardest thing is to continue this kind of practice. And we don't have to wait for work session. We start right now. In the beginning of the practice period, used this koan, discussed this koan, Hoshan's Knowing How to Beat the Drum.

[36:26]

This is still our koan. I'll remind us of it. Hoshan imparted some words saying, cultivating study is called learning. Cutting off study is called nearness. Going beyond these two is to be considered real going beyond. A monk came forward and asked, well, what is the real going beyond? Sean said, knowing how to beat the drum. Again, he asked, well, what is the real truth? Sean said, knowing how to beat the drum. Again, he asked, mind is Buddha. I'm not asking about that. What is not mind and not Buddha? Sean said, knowing how to beat the drum.

[37:32]

Again, he asked, when a transcendent person comes, how do you receive that person? Sean said, knowing how to beat the drum. This is called Boshan's Four Knowing How to Beat the Drums. During this I said, you know, that I wasn't sure exactly how I'm going to give my talks.

[38:37]

And I'm still not sure about that. But I want to, I don't want to schedule talks. I just want to do them as more impromptu. I don't want it to be so formal. You know, we always have such a formal way of doing things. You know, every time we give a talk, we come into the Zendo and we line up, you know, in a formal manner. But I also feel that I would like to do something not so formal. Maybe I'll give a talk out of the bands or something. maybe while we're having tea or something like that. So I would rather have a kind of running commentary rather than a bunch of formal talks because it takes a lot of time to do this.

[39:45]

So that's kind of my feeling. Although I appreciate our formal practice, somehow there's another side. And, you know, the old teachers that we read about in the books used to work with their students more, you know, and things would come up less formally. And I think that a lot of our teaching gets done on an informal basis and in ways that, you know, most so-called enlightenment experiences do not happen during zazen.

[41:12]

most enlightenment experiences happen at random. Kyogen studied with his teacher. He was a wonderful student, you know, smart, learned, did everything just right, and yet he didn't get it. He got so discouraged that he left his teacher and he said, I just, I quit. I mean, I just, you know, so he went out to a shrine and just started sleeping in the shrine for about two years. And one day he swept a little pebble and it hit a little piece of bamboo and went snap and his mind opened up. Why? through his hard practice, of course, but because it was an unexpected moment.

[42:26]

As soon as you're expecting something or wanting something, it won't come. It only comes when you turn your back on it. If we're too self-conscious about what we're doing, It's easy to have a contrived feeling about practice. And we learn something, we learn a lot, but we need our unguarded moments. If we're completely unguarded, it's no problem, but we need our unguarded moments. So when Kyogen heard the pebbles hitting the piece of bamboo, completely unexpected.

[43:41]

He didn't know what it was. He didn't say, oh, that's a piece of rock hitting a bamboo. No. Immediately he knew what it was, beyond knowing, because he had no idea in his mind. So koan for everybody is, what is it? Means, I don't know. Although it feels safe to know, if we keep our knowledge uppermost, it makes it harder and harder to know, to really know.

[44:58]

not knowing is an aspect of enlightened mind. If someone says, you dumbbell. Oh, is that so? Thank you very much. Do you have a question?

[46:16]

Yes. I just felt like I was being mutilated all the time. You can't make something real until it's distant. And in acting it's not real until it's very far. It's sort of like saying don't be angry. Like how do you Well, it's like saying, you can't really come to practice unless you can sit Zazen well. You don't necessarily say thank you to the person. Internally, you feel the gratitude. So that you're not, you know, making a show of gratitude or manipulating or whatever you want to call it.

[47:17]

Right? This is like, right, this is your inward feeling. You don't have to go around showing off. Don't show off. Yes. Yes. Right. Yeah. Right. Yes. Yes. Yeah. then you can have a clear picture of the ego.

[48:32]

Oh, this is what the ego looks like. See, to study the Buddhadharma is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. How do you do that? Those are two koans. There are five koans all together. Those are the first two. We have to take this practice seriously. Not too seriously, but seriously. This is the basis of our practice. To study the Buddha Dharma is to study the Self. To study the Self is to forget the Self.

[49:40]

And those two koans are the basis of our practice. And we should take them seriously. Well, it depends on what you're turning away from. What did I say? Turn your back. So that you're not being self-conscious. So that you're not being self-conscious. It's like, Joshua's, what is the way? And his teacher said, well, If you go for it, you stumble past it.

[50:42]

If you don't go for it, you wouldn't. Right? That's what you're saying. Yeah. So that's the koan. Turning away and touching. Are both wrong. So what's right? Never mind right and wrong. Are you a person of right and wrong? You're welcome. Yes. No, there are two aspects of one thing. The Hinayana is, what am I doing?

[51:45]

The Mahayana is, what are we doing? There are two aspects of Mahayana practice. Yes. Yeah. Because when you're doing something, It's like, what am I doing? That's what we think about most of the time. What am I doing? But then there's also, what are we doing? So if you are a Tangario student, it's easier to think, what am I doing? But if you're the abbot, you have to think about, what are we doing? But we all have to think both things. If you take up the responsibility of what are we doing, then you're as much in control of things as I am.

[52:53]

Yeah, you mentioned something about It's occurred to me that once I cease to want this wanting is longing for something that I already have. So if I cease to want, That's right. It is going. Thing is, what's the price? Right? Well, regardless. Yeah, well, yeah. What is it that we're paying? With?

[53:59]

With our life. With our life, yeah, but what is our life, you know? I mean, what we're paying is with self-centeredness. We turn over our self-centeredness in payment, right? Yeah, so we lose something. When you pay, you lose, right? But then you pay for something that you get, right? So when you pay for something with money, you lose your money, but you get the thing. So, in order to get the thing, you have to give up everything else. What about just give up without expecting nothing? Is that proper English? Do you mean that in proper English? Or when you say, without expecting nothing, or without expecting anything? I'm wondering what you meant by that. Without expecting, that's good enough.

[55:03]

Yeah, just don't expect. Without an expectation, that's how we have to practice. When you sit down, there's no expectation. Then your practice is fresh. If you sit down with some expectation, then you feel, my practice is stale. It's very true. You know, if you want to renew your practice, just don't have any expectations. Get rid of it. Drop it. Then everything will spring up new, because everything is new. Just get out of the way. That's it. Simple. Very simple. And you will catch me making lots of mistakes.

[56:06]

I'll tell you right now. I am not immune. Yes. One was, what is it? That's one. The other is, thank you. Those are two. And the other one was meta. Being able to appreciate everybody. to actually extend love to everyone indiscriminately. If you say indiscriminately, then you can, you know, but indiscriminately, discriminately.

[57:10]

Discriminately, by discriminately, I mean each person. Indiscriminately, you know, I love all of you, you know, big deal, but to actually Pinpoint each one, you know. That's discriminating. So our practice is non-discriminating discrimination. Non-dual practice of non-discriminating discrimination. That's a big koan. Koan of our practice. because we always have to make a choice. So anytime you make a choice, it's a discrimination. You're choosing. But you're choosing on the basis of non-discrimination. So the practice of discriminating on the basis of non-discrimination is our practice.

[58:18]

In other words, You don't make choices based on self-centeredness. So, that's the third column. Or maybe it's the first one. I'm not sure. Those are three, right?

[58:38]

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