Good morning. It's wonderful to have the Bodhisattva ceremony and our one-day sitting coincide this way. Actually, it's all in the Bodhisattva ceremony, and I feel like it's a little silly for me to say anything. We come to sit, especially Sashin, to return to our nature, to return to the fundamental ground of our life. Of course we sit individually, we all have our reasons for sitting.

[01:05]

We all have our reasons why we were attracted to this practice, why we first came here, or why we happen to be here today. And although those are all good reasons, we don't sit to feel better. We may feel better. when we sit, on the other hand we may not. In the Sandokai it says, the force elements return to their nature or to the source like a child to its mother. And we return to our practice, we return to our posture, and our breath like a child to its mother.

[02:12]

And our practice is a very good mother to us. Our practice, for many of us, is the good mother we never had. Our practice is very clear, it's very strict, and it's completely forgiving. It's completely accepting. I was talking to an old friend yesterday who's been sitting for years And we were working in my garden together. And she was lamenting having to work today and not being able to come to this one-day sitting.

[03:22]

She said, I really need, I really need a session. And we all know what that feels like. We all have such busy lives and sometimes we just really feel the need to just drop everything. and just sit still in silence. And my friend was saying that she was really discouraged with herself because she has a hard time sitting at home and she doesn't like to sit at home and she lives too far from this endo to come very often. And This is a problem I'm very familiar with and I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with. It is very hard to continue this kind of meditation practice on one's own for some of us.

[04:25]

For some people it's very natural. And I was thinking about what was difficult about that because I find it difficult too and incomplete somehow. And in the Bodhisattva ceremony and in the precepts we emphasize over and over again Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. And we emphasize balance and harmony. Everything together, everybody together. And It does often seem to me when I'm sitting alone, even though if I were perhaps more advanced I would realize that I was sitting together with everyone even if I'm alone in my room, that practice is somehow complete when we're all here together, practicing together.

[05:32]

Sangha seems like the third leg of the stool. The stool doesn't stand up very well without it. And I said to my friend, you know, I understand that it's important and probably you and I both need to learn to be more independent and be able to sit more steadily by ourselves, but there's something that you can trust about what you're doing. Your body and mind are telling you something, and it's okay to listen. You're busy saying,

[06:34]

You're not good enough. My practice isn't very good. I'm not a very disciplined person. I can't get up in the morning unless there's somebody to ring a bell. If I lived at the Zen Center, I could do it. We all know these arguments about why we're not a good enough person. And that's what's really in the way of practice for so many of us. and me included. That mind, that judge, that critic that's commenting all the time on whatever it is we're doing or not doing or doing incompletely or excessively. And I was reminded again of the cartoon that Sojin Sensei mentioned last week at the end of lecture, the New Yorker cartoon, I hope you've seen it, the one with the mental baggage check, and it shows the conveyor belt, you know, in the airport, and all the suitcases coming around, and they all have these tags on them, you know, anxiety, resentment against my mother, anger at my boss, and people are

[08:01]

standing around waiting to claim their bags saying, oh yeah, that's my resentment against my mother. Oh, over there, there's my resentment against my boss. And in Zazen, we're taught to kind of just watch the conveyor belt go around. And we notice the various thoughts and feelings and emotions that are going around often like, you know, the conveyor belt when everybody's gone but there's just a few bags left. Around and around you see the same ones over and over again. Oh my God. Anger, anger, [...] you know. Same one over and over again. And sometimes it's the same the same one only in a different color or a different shape, but really it's various forms of whatever it is for you, whatever it is that occupies our mind the most that day or that moment.

[09:22]

And it's tempting, without even noticing, we often are judging. Oh, that's a really ugly one. Oh, I'm tired of seeing that one again. Why don't they go away? Why don't nicer ones come around? Or we pull the bag off the conveyor belt and we unzip it and all the stuff comes out. All the unfolded dirty laundry comes jumping out at us. And it's all we can do to retain any kind of composure and sit here. And you may feel sometimes like you just want to fly out of the room or that you're weighted down by this stuff. But, you know, when the same thing comes around and around and around, over and over again,

[10:30]

period after period of Zazen, day after day, at work, when you're driving your car, dealing with the people you live with, and the same kinds of stuff comes up over and over and over again. Something inside may be trying to tell you something. And although Zazen, per se, is not the place to figure it out, when the same thing comes up over and over again, it may have some meaning. And sorting through it, unpacking that luggage carefully with somebody you trust, who can help you keep from being overwhelmed by it, can be extremely helpful. So one of the things my friend was most down on herself about is that she thinks too much and she plans a lot and she's always thinking and when she's not thinking she's

[12:01]

usually critical of herself for thinking or thinking critical thoughts about somebody or something in her life. And she's a very smart person who is very well educated, but most of the work that she does isn't very intellectually stimulating. Some of it is, and she finds that that's what's going around in her mind the most, is thoughts and ideas and plans for the job that she has, which doesn't take up so much of her time, but which she finds very exciting and interesting and intellectually stimulating. And she's really down on herself about that. And it struck me that all our Zen training, very much, particularly early Zen training, and Zen itself, is kind of, there's a big anti-intellectual strain in Zen. And all the koans and many of the practices and the efforts of our teachers are directed towards getting us to stop thinking so much.

[13:15]

And that's not wrong, that's really important, especially in Zazen. But there is a place for thinking in our life. Traditionally, of course, monks, the monks who are in the koans trying to get each other to cut through intellectual discursive thought, have spent years and years and years studying very intellectually challenging Buddhist scripture. Now most of us don't spend a lot of time studying intellectually challenging Buddhist scripture. But there may be something else intellectually challenging or interesting in our life that we do. And it's important to give it its due, just as it's important to give Buddha, Dharma, Sangha, body, breath and mind

[14:20]

each their due, because that's what creates harmony in our life. And harmony isn't something that we can impose on ourselves, and it's not something we can get from somewhere. It's not something anybody can give us or that we can get, like you can get strong muscles if you exercise them enough, and you can get you know, material objects if you are willing to do what it takes to get them. But harmony, we can only join with it. And that's so simple that we kind of don't believe it very much. And we throw up various obstacles in our way. We just chanted in the Bodhisattva ceremony all the ancient twisted karma born of body, speech and mind we now fully avow.

[15:43]

And every month when we chant that we chant it and bow over and over again giving up our habitual way, starting fresh. I think that's what all the bowing is about. Keep bowing over and over and over again. Each time, letting go of some of that baggage. Each time, just bowing, just chanting. body, breath, and mind all together. Body, breath, and mind of the whole community together. It's really very beautiful. So for today,

[16:54]

whether you're here for the whole day or if you're just here for lecture whatever you've given yourself permission for today to take some time just to be yourself just to return to your actual nature let whatever comes up let it be whatever your experience is, please permit it to present itself. I know that's sometimes easier to do than others. It's easier, perhaps, to accept clarity and calmness than it is fidgets and itches, but whatever it is, let it come.

[18:07]

If you can let it come, you can let it go. Once during a long Sashin, I went to my teacher with the pain in my legs, and I said, why do we have to sit this way? This hurts so much. What is it about this posture? It can't be so important. And he said, when you sit down and cross your legs, right over left, left over right, you bring together the two sides of yourself, the masculine and the feminine.

[19:25]

Putting your hands together, bringing together the two sides of yourself, good and bad. And whatever comes of that union, he said, please treat it as if it were your only child. Each one, each pain, each thought, each sensation, each impulse. Treat it kindly, gently, and also firmly.

[20:28]

Don't forget the firmness of a good mother. The one mind includes everything. And that's the space here, the space we've created just to be together, just as we are, without judgment, without praise or blame. Let's rejoice at the joy.

[21:31]

It's okay to cry at the sorrow. As a mother of actual children, I know that I'm most likely to get frazzled and out of when my children aren't behaving the way I think my children should behave. And when I can correct them and direct them in an even way, without taking it personally, that they're doing something wrong, they may be doing something wrong, that I shouldn't let them do. But the judgment usually, the judgment that gets in the way and causes my discomfort is usually indirectly that I'm not a good enough person because Junior is out of line.

[22:42]

And we do this to ourself and the offspring of our zazen practice over and over again. So that's okay, but please notice it and realize that that's really all that's in the way. You really are already just the way you are. And whether you believe it or not, and whether you ever, ever believe it or not, that really is just perfect. Every time I walk into the Doksan Hut to get ready for a talk, there's this little piece of paper

[23:54]

on Mel's light table. Same little piece of paper's been there for the last, I don't know how many years. A lot of books changed, a lot of other things changed, but this one little piece of paper is always there. And no matter what I've planned to give a lecture on, even if I go in with an armload of books and have been studying something, I always see this and I always think, yep, that's what I want to talk about. That's what we need to be reminded of. So I'll just read this. This is from Zen Master Mazu. The way does not require cultivation. Just don't pollute it. Originally pure, don't defile it. That's about intoxicants. It's about everything. What is pollution? As long as you have a fluctuating mind, fabricating artificialities and contrivances, All of this is pollution. If you want to understand the way directly, the normal mind is the way.

[25:00]

What I mean by the normal mind is the mind without artificiality, without subjective judgments, without grasping or rejection. There's kind of a neat story about this same Zen Master, who somebody, one of the monks came up and asked him, please explain the meaning of Buddhism. And Masu said, I'm tired. I can't explain it to you today. Go ask the head monk. So he went and asked the head monk. And the head monk said, I have a terrible headache. go ask the Tenzo. And the Tenzo said, I've come all this way and studied so hard and I don't get it either.

[26:03]

It's wonderful for a teacher to be able to say, I have a headache today. I can't explain it to you today. Just to drop the role of teacher. Hey, I have a headache. I don't feel good. I'm tired. It really helps us to have teachers who are human. and to try and remember that we're really all in this together, all struggling along.

[27:04]

Each of us is sort of an expert in our own problems and our own shortcomings, our own difficulties. And we're also the expert on how to get through them. No one else can really tell us. But we can sit together and encourage each other, not giving up. And that's, I think, the importance of sitting still. Sitting still. Joining the basic harmony, not fighting it. Just sitting still, not giving up, not flailing around.

[28:13]

Just experience that fundamental ground being. We have time for maybe one or two questions. The way does not require cultivation. Just don't pollute it. What is pollution? As long as you have a fluctuating mind, fabricating artificialities and contrivances, all of this is pollution. If you want to understand the way directly, the normal mind is the way. What I mean by the normal mind is the mind without artificiality, without subjective judgment, without grasping or rejection.

[29:25]

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