trying to keep up with the three Ps. Posture, patience, and practice. And I thought, oh, that's a pretty good way to think about what we're doing. patience, or posture of patience and practice, or practice includes posture and patience, but those three Yesterday, Alan asked me, well, what's your practice, or what are you doing, Zazen?

[01:35]

This word practice, I remember 25 years ago or 20 years ago, we used to think a lot about the word practice. We don't discuss it much anymore, we just kind of accept it now, that word. But at one time it was kind of a controversial word, practice, because does that mean piano practice or tennis? It has the connotation of doing something in order to perfect your sport or technique. Yeah, associated with technique. In the old-fashioned fire extinguishers, it used to say, turn upside down to play.

[03:09]

So words are kind of funny. Practice is a kind of, I think it's a word, we use the word practice, meaning to put into action, to turn the wheel of activity. So instead of saying, my turning of the wheel of activity is, or something like that, we say my practice, So it's a short word that covers a big space. And so practice means activity.

[04:12]

But it means activity of a certain kind. So in China, they use the word Tao, and in Japan, too. the Tao, the Way. So practice means the activity of the Way, of the Tao. How we put into motion the activity of the Tao. And as long as our activity is in that groove, then we call it our practice. So keeping our attention focused on the groove of

[05:29]

the Tao, always coming back to the Way as a focus. All activity is, in a way, in a sense, the Tao, because there's no place that is outside of reality. Nevertheless, There's focused activity and unfocused activity. There's activity in which there's just wandering, and then there's activity which is wandering without being lost. So a good many people are wandering and they're lost, even though they don't know that they're lost.

[06:37]

And someone who is on the path following the Tao may look lost, but they're actually not lost, even though they may be wandering. So, practice has the meaning or connotation of focus, a focused activity, and focused on the Tao, which is a certain kind of accomplishment, but it's accomplishment in the present, accomplishment in the present to be in the present.

[07:43]

So the goal and the means are not two different things. Often in our life we have various goals, but the means are a way to get to the goal. And even in Buddhism, you know, it says the raft is not the shore. When we take the raft to cross the river to get to the other shore, then we abandon the raft because you no longer need it. And so the raft is often looked on as practice. Once you cross the river, you no longer need the practice, right? This comes about through the dualistic understanding of what practice is. And, you know, Suzuki Roshi, when he talks about

[08:59]

people sometimes question him about his robes, you know, his troublesome robes, and being a priest and all this. And he says, well, yes, the purpose of Buddhism is to get rid of Buddhism. The purpose of practicing Buddhism, when everyone is saved, then there's no longer any need for Buddhism. And then we can just get rid of Buddhism. And then I can take off my robes. But this doesn't happen. the means, or the raft, or the goal, is actually, if we're really on a path of practice, the goal is within each step.

[10:15]

The place we're looking for is where we are. So the raft of practice or Buddhism is not just some boat to get us to where we're going. That's why instead of talking about stepping off the boat into the pure land, The raft actually is the shore. There's really nothing to abandon. And practice is something that goes on forever.

[11:20]

It's just, practice is just every step of our life. It's every breath. So as long as we're moving and breathing, there will always be practice. And even after we stop moving and breathing, there's practice. So practice is not something that's just a kind of means that's imposed on us or that we impose or superimpose over our life. It has to be our very life itself, otherwise it's not practice. So Aki Roshi says nowadays, or not even nowadays, but

[12:24]

People think that they go to high school in order to get into college, and they think that they go to college in order to get a good job someplace. But this kind of thinking is entirely perverse. We don't do one thing in order to do another. We go to school in order to go to school. When we go to college, we just go to college. When we go to work, we just go to work. If we think that each thing is a stepping stone for something else, then we miss where we are, and we're always looking for the next stepping stone.

[13:43]

or things will be better in the future. Things will be accomplished in the future. What's accomplished in the future will just be what's accomplished in the future. When we get to the place in the future, it will just be like it is now. Only the circumstances will be different. So following the Tao as a path means to just take care of the present as the only life there is. And each moment will present itself as the present.

[14:48]

And the activities of the present will continuously change. And all we have to do is take care of the present moment and greet each new change as it appears. And we also influence the changing phenomena of the present. So we turn things, and we're turned by things. As Dogen says, when we turn things, we're in the dominant position. and things are in the subsidiary position. When we're turned by things, things are in the dominant position, and we're in the subsidiary position.

[15:56]

We have to know when to be on the top and when to be on the bottom, and when to be in the middle, and whether we should be over to the side. If we're always putting ourself forward, and dominating the situation, we get out of harmony with life. So skillfully to know when to step forward and when to step back and how much to step forward Nevertheless, all this stepping forward and stepping back takes place in this moment. So what is our zazen?

[17:04]

What is the goal of zazen? The goal of zazen is to just be present in this moment. which is always this moment. It looks like time is marching on. That's one perspective. Another perspective is time is standing still and events are changing. But there's only just this moment. So where are we going?

[18:16]

So maybe goal of practice, we say is not no goal, but actually there's some. Even though there's no goal, it doesn't mean that there's no focus. Just how to completely manifest in the present. Not so easy. And how to be completely one with the present moment, with all the circumstances of the present moment. How to be present with the pain in your legs. how to be present with your posture, how to be present with breath, how to be present with dogs barking, airplanes flying overhead, without naming them.

[19:53]

There's a kind of practice these days of naming whatever image comes into our consciousness. which is, okay, it's kind of like the handle of a cup. It's like when we count our breaths in Zazen, counting our breaths in Zazen is like reciting Mu. Mu, or Wu in Chinese. the negative, but that's, as koan, it also means yes. So, no and yes are synthesized in zazen.

[21:07]

Thinking and not thinking are synthesized in zazen. One day, a monk asked Joshu, Jojo, does the dog have buddha nature? He said, woo. Another time, a monk asked Jojo, does the dog have buddha nature? He said, hai. That's Japanese for yes. Which is it, yes or no? Sekitos says, think not thinking. What is think not thinking? Non-thinking.

[22:16]

Does that mean to think or not to think? That's a koan, zazen. Mu is, do you exist or not exist? Is this existence or is it not existence? Are you dead or alive? question can only be answered with your presence. This is why Vimalakirti didn't say anything. What is the entrance to the inconceivable?

[23:28]

It can't be answered with either words or silence. So zazen, or our practice, actually is practice of great patience, especially zazen. Zazen is practice of great, great patience. Patience, not waiting, not to wait for something. It's the practice of patience, which means not waiting for something. So this patience is also a kind of nice koan.

[24:39]

Someone should ask me, what is the meaning of patience? I'll say, not waiting for anything. And posture is upright sitting. This is why in Zazen, what do we do in Zazen? Well, in answer to this question, what I do is I give myself Zazen instruction. And sometimes I fall asleep. I can fall asleep Sometimes early in the morning.

[25:43]

But then I wake up. And when I wake up, I give myself Zazen instruction again. Straighten the back. Push the lower back forward. Lift up the sternum. Put the head on top of the spine. Hold your mudra lightly. Open your eyes. Let go of the shoulders. And balance the body. And when pain in the legs comes, just accept it immediately. Whatever feeling comes, accept it without hesitation. And then the joy of zazen comes in expanding to contain it. If the container is too small, then the pressure becomes too great.

[26:46]

So without moving, without going someplace, how are you going to deal with it? So then I remind myself, well, I just don't have any limit. Just take the shape. take the shape of whatever the feeling is. If I have some rigid shape that I think I am, then I'll be overwhelmed. So outwardly, posture looks very rigid, but inwardly is very soft. No boundary at all. This is what we call being one with pain or being one with the problem.

[27:58]

When we're one with the problem, there's no problem. What creates the problem is thinking. This is why we talk about non-duality. and consciousness. Thinking creates the problem. Thinking divides. As soon as we start thinking, as soon as some feeling comes, then we say, this is pain. Then we develop that thought. This is discomfort. Then we develop that thought. This hurts. And then we develop that thought, I don't like it. And then we develop that thought, how can I get out of it? And then, but I can't. And then we're stuck. When will the bell ring?

[29:01]

And then, Every moment becomes an eternity waiting to be built again. So the great teaching is stop thinking. Stop dividing your world. Each thought discriminates the world wider and wider. So finally there's this huge gap between the reality of what's happening and the fantasy of our mind. And this is where desire becomes perverted. Because desire says, I don't want this, I want something else.

[30:10]

That's why desire is called the root of suffering, because desire is the discriminating agent which continues to divide ourself from the reality. There's nothing wrong with desire, but it becomes self-centered. When it becomes self-centered, then it becomes harmful to But if our desire is turned toward the Tao, toward practice, then we have a way to put it to good use, to its proper use, actually. If our fit to What desire to use as a focus means to focus on being one with things rather than being separate from them.

[31:32]

So we usually think in terms of desire being turned toward what I want. What I want is what my desire is. That's the way we usually think. But when we get into a tight spot, we can't think that way. We have to think, what can I do? How can I really, you know, it's like when you're on the top hanging onto a cliff, You have to think about, wait a minute now, one misstep and I'm off. So desire has to turn toward necessity rather than toward wishful thinking. And that's the spot we get in in zazen and in sasheen. We get into the spot of, whoa, you know, one breath at a time.

[32:44]

One breath at a time. That's all that I can deal with is just stay with the breath. That's pretty good. That's turning desire into the right path. It's necessity, not just whimsical or self-centered. So it forces us to stay on the path. When we learn to accept immediately, without hesitation, and cultivate a soft mind, and accept whatever is there, then we don't get into that position so much. through practice, it doesn't, even though you have it all figured out, no matter how well you have it figured out, you can't even come up with the right answer, things don't open up.

[34:14]

They only open up in their own time. When, you know, we say you absorb the practice through your pores, I think we all know what that means. You absorb the practice through your pores. Although we have it in our head, the main way that we get it is through our pores, through our actual engagement. And then, at some point, we find that we can just do this. It becomes easier. Our attention keeps focusing more on the Tao rather than on our desires. It just happens if we really are diligent in our practice.

[35:20]

And sometimes we like to run away. I think everybody likes to run away at some point. I remember my first sasheen, I ran away. It was so hard, you know. I looked around, and I could see the gaunt faces on everybody. How can they be doing this? I remember my first set of the morning at Sokochi. And we sat once, and then we did kin-hin sat down again. And I thought, how can I sit again? Don't their legs hurt? But I did it anyway. I went through a lot of excruciating pain my first years of Zazen. The first couple of years of Zazen were very excruciating. So I know all of the problems that people have.

[36:22]

Some people, it's much Usually the people that have the most difficulty, if they continue to sit, get the most out of zazen. I don't like to say get the most out of, because it sounds like getting something, but have the most benefit, I think, in some way. Deeper understanding. So I sympathize with everybody's problems in Zazen because I know I had lots of problems in my first couple of years of Zazen. Lots of pain and going through agonizing periods of Zazen. But it does get easier in the sense of, not that you don't have pain, but that you're not overwhelmed because you expand from the inside to contain it.

[38:04]

And then it actually, this subtle balance is very joyful. Because it's neither... well, I'm sure we all experience it from time to time. It doesn't. But sitting up straight is like staying awake in the present. And if what we're doing is fundamental activity, then every part of us should be involved.

[39:09]

And the way for every part of us to be involved is to create a situation that allows every part of us to be present in the most viable way. So we have these 325 or so parts to our body and mind. And each one is independent. Each little piece is independent, even though they're all connected in some way. The bones, your fingers have bones, your hand has bones, your arm has bones. Inside are all these bones. And then the bones have sinews and connecting tissue.

[40:15]

And then there are the organs and the veins and the blood and the pus and the bile And what's the organizing principle of all these parts to keep them in harmony? Sitting up straight, just sitting up straight. And what does each one of them follow? You know, if you have a way to go, if you know what your direction is, then everything that's involved with you will follow that direction. So what direction are you going to take? In zazen, just sitting there.

[41:21]

We need to take a direction in which all of the parts of our body of this body can do harmonize as completely as possible in being awake. This is posture, right posture. And when we have right posture, we have right view, right thought, and right livelihood, actually. So my practice is to continually keep waking up. together to harmonize in the most complete way, continuously.

[42:34]

So I just give myself Zazen instruction all the time. Keep your back straight. Keep your mudra correct. Let go of your shoulders. Let go of the tenseness in your body. Open up to the feeling that's present. Don't name anything. Just listen to the sound. Just see the sight. Just taste the taste. Just feel the feeling. And then when my mind wanders, oh yes, bring it back.

[43:39]

I just keep bringing it back. And because this heap of bones is continually moving, even though it looks still, it's shifting. Part of it's breaking down. So I keep adjusting it some more. There's no perfect posture. As soon as we have perfect posture, it changes. Bring it back. That's all. But it's enough. It's a lot of work, actually. subtle, very subtle. I was going to turn this into a kind of discussion, but there's not

[44:42]

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