I am at all to chase the truth, the love, as long as it is worth. Yesterday I talked about posture and about that posture and breathing are the two subjects of zazen, in zazen.

[01:19]

Today I want to talk about our mind, our thinking mind in zazen. But first I want to talk a little bit about posture again. I want to talk a little bit about the clothes we wear. When it gets cold, we tend to put on a lot of clothes. And when it's very cold, we can cover our mudra, I think, if it's really cold. When it gets to be kind of freezy,

[02:27]

We cover our mudra, put our mudra inside our sleeves, and it gets kind of toasty. But we usually wait until it gets kind of freezy, when your thumbs start to hurt. Otherwise, we wait as long as we can and keep our mudra outside of our clothes. There's a certain amount of clothing that you can wear that helps you to keep warm. But after that, it doesn't help much. So it's good to be able to know when to take off some of your clothing. And be a little cool. or just be on the edge, which can keep you more awake and alert.

[03:33]

If you get too cocoonish, we tend to get sleepy and a little bit sluggish. So it's good to be a little bit on the crisp side. It helps. I remember at Tassajara, There's some people whose circulation may not be so good, and some people who just like to stay, who feel they can never get warm enough. And sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's psychological. I remember at Tassajara there was one person, whether the winter or the summer, it didn't matter, always wore a couple of down jackets. And I'd ask for the stick. Plop.

[04:36]

Anyway. Now, a few years ago, we didn't wear socks, but I think it's okay to wear socks. If you want to wear socks, it's okay. People have various kinds of problems with their feet. And in Japan, most of the zendos have either mud floors or cement floors or tile floors, and they wear slippers into the zendo. And then they leave the slippers under the tongue. And when they do kin-hen, they usually do kin-hen around They didn't have a walkway around the building, so they put on their slippers and go around the building into the kitchen. Somehow, we got into the habit of using bare feet, I think because we had wooden floors.

[05:41]

Suzuki Roshi never let us wear socks in Zendo. So, that's been our way of doing it. But in recent years, it's been easier for people to wear socks. I prefer not to myself. But I must admit there have been times at Pasajara when there was snow all over and my feet were really, really hurt, you know, when you walk on the floor. So I wore, I chickened out and wore some socks. But Generally speaking, if you can avoid wearing socks, that's fine, but if you want to, it's okay. I would leave it up to you. What I want to talk about is our state of mind in Zazen.

[06:51]

Dogen, in Fukan Zazengi, Dogen says to settle your body in a steady, immobile sitting position and think not thinking. This is the essential part of Zazen or something like that. So think not thinking is Dogen's koan of Zazen. which is think, and then not thinking. Think, not thinking. Sometimes the translations say, think of, not thinking. But I think the of puts it into a more of an objective sphere. So you think of not thinking, is to think about something. Think, not think, actually.

[08:01]

Think, not think. Think, not think. So it's a koan. He doesn't say, don't think. He says, think, not think. Not thinking. It's hard to translate it because everybody wants to translate it in a way that makes it easy for you to understand. But it shouldn't be so easy to understand, because it doesn't mean for it to be easy to understand. When we sit zazen, we try to make a big effort to harmonize body and mind together. And we call that, we think of that as being clarity of mind.

[09:07]

And we talk about, so we say, don't think thoughts. Keep your mind clear in thinking. You just stop thinking. When you sit down, you don't think. You just, what do you do? So there's a big void there, a big hole. And so you make this big hole in your mind. And as soon as you make this big hole in your mind, all these thoughts pour into it, or pour out of it. So your mind becomes a kind of mass of swirling thoughts. I'm sure that almost everyone, without exception, when you sit down and empty your mind of all thoughts, your mind becomes a mass of swirling thoughts. It's kind of the opposite of what you want it to be.

[10:11]

It's always the opposite of what you want it to be. And then people come and they say, I just can't stop thinking during Zazen. My mind's just racing. I have more thoughts in Zazen than I do when I'm not in Zazen. So this comes from the idea or the feeling that we shouldn't have thoughts in zazen, that we should make our mind blank. If you've ever read the Sutra of the Sixth Patriarch, He said there's a type of person who sits in meditation and tries to make their mind blank. This is a heretical view. And people think that he's talking, that he's saying you shouldn't sit zazen.

[11:16]

He also said there's a type of person who sits with their legs crossed and keeps their mind blind and thinks that this is Buddhism. This is how you practice. And if you read that, you think, well, he thinks he shouldn't sit with us then. What are we doing? But it's quite true that It doesn't help to sit and make your mind blank in zazen. We don't sit zazen and make our mind blank. Or try to eliminate all thoughts. And Dogen doesn't say to sit and make your mind blank. He says think, not think. Think the thought of no thought.

[12:18]

And if you look back to instruction in zazen, instruction in zazen, you say, sit in a good upright posture and keep your attention on your posture and breathing. Think zazen. If you think zazen, if you think posture, if you think breath, And if your attention is one with... is completely posture, and your attention is completely breath, you can call that not thinking. But it's not really not thinking, because it's thinking a thought. It's thinking the thought posture, or it's thinking the thought breath. It's not thinking the thought as a concept, but the thought becomes the action, and the action is the thought.

[13:36]

So, when we're really sitting in a very concentrated way, completely sitting sazen, there's no thought that you can call a thought. The thought is sazen itself. posture, the thought of breath, but not thinking about it. So you can't say which is the thought and which is the act. You can't separate the thought from the act. This is total zazen. When we can sit that way, that's total zazen. But when we sit, something comes in between. It's called thoughts. And these thoughts start bubbling up.

[14:39]

And pretty soon your mind is, or your consciousness is filled with some kind of thought that you didn't intend to think. But there it is. But you're not thinking that thought, actually. That thought is just there in your consciousness. Your intention is not to think that thought. Your intention is to sit as I am. But there's the thought. Thought just appears in your mind. I don't like to say your mind, because that's too broad a word. meaning, but the thought appears in consciousness. Now, this is the critical point in Zazen. What to do with that thought? What should I do with that thought when it comes up?

[15:44]

Because it doesn't have any part in the process. It doesn't have any part in Zazen. What am I going to do with it? Shall I throw it out or shall I think about it? What does it want of me? What's it calling forth from me? So sometimes we just have a thought and it can be an interesting thought I wonder what's for dinner. We don't really get off on that so much, but we do have thoughts about our life and fantasies. Is that thought the enemy of zazen?

[16:51]

Is it interfering with zazen? That's the problem. This thought is interfering with zazen. It's interfering with mind and body. So, what shall I do with this thought? Okay, I'll leave it alone. And there's just body and breath. But then another thought comes up. And what'll I do with this thought? This thought about it. The thing is that thoughts come up before we're thinking a thought, before we're aware of it. We have a thought in our mind before we know about it. We're down the path of it. So, um, This thought has got to be, there has to be some reason for this thought.

[18:09]

And if I build on this thought, then my mind is no longer concentrated on loving. And if I get angry, or feel interrupted, or if I feel disrupted in some way, then I'm no longer concentrated, no longer sitting gaza. So what should I do? One of the problems we have is that we feel that when my mind is very clear, clearly one with posture and breathing, that's Buddha.

[19:20]

And when I'm just thinking thoughts, that's ordinary human beings. That's the division. On one hand, we're Buddha, and we're completely together with no thoughts, and when we start thinking, we're just ordinary human beings. So, if we allow our thinking mind to keep interrupting our Buddha mind, then we never become Buddha. So we have a big problem. My mind just keeps going and I can never get it. I'm not Buddha for more than one second during the whole period of zazen. I'm just an ordinary human being.

[20:25]

But fortunately, we don't have a division between ordinary human beings and Buddha. The mind, which is grinding out thoughts, is the Buddha mind. And when we make a division between the concentrated mind and the mind which grinds out thoughts, then we lose our Buddha mind. Because we're making a distinction. We're creating a dualistic mind by making a distinction between the Buddha mind and the ordinary mind. So, if we want to, if we create some special state of mind, which we call the Buddha mind, which is free from thoughts, then our ordinary mind, which is full of thoughts, becomes useless or worthless.

[22:03]

But if our ordinary mind is just worthless, then we're just wasting our time and our life. So, Togen doesn't say, cut off thinking mind. Some people say cut off thinking mind. Or make your mind blank. We do say make your mind like a sheet of white paper. In Zazen, your mind should be like a sheet of white paper. But it doesn't mean blank mind. If you have a sheet of white paper, something is always being written on the white paper. But the paper doesn't get stained.

[23:12]

This white paper doesn't get stained. When we pay attention to our posture and breathing, even though thoughts are coming constantly into consciousness, and we're being carried away by thoughts. At the same time, we're still sitting zazen. Body and breathing and consciousness are all sitting zazen together in harmony. And the thinking, our thoughts, are part of that harmony, part of that harmonious process. But thinking, building on the thoughts, is not part of the process.

[24:15]

So when we start building on the thought, it's just something extra. There are times in our life when we're not sitting, where we build on thought. You know, most of our life is dedicated to building on thoughts, to imagination and creating with thoughts. But in Zazen, that's not the point. So even though the creative process of mind is going on, we don't pay much attention to it. We just let it work itself out. If we try to eliminate it, we set up a dualistic situation.

[25:21]

If we want to chase away a thought, we have to create a thought with which to chase that thought away. So we're still thinking. Still thinking outside of the situation. So rather than chase the thought away, or get angry, or blame ourself, or think that we're doing something wrong, we just include the thought in the process. The thought comes up in a natural way, and we just include it in Zazen. But we don't build on it. Well, we find ourselves building on it anyway. And when you find yourself building on the thought, just let it go. Oh, I'm supposed to be sitting zazen. And no blame. Just bring your attention back. And another thought comes, and we start building on it.

[26:25]

Oh, no blame. Just bring your attention back. So we're constantly just coming back, constantly bringing our attention back. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. Well, this is what I want to do. This is my intention. And continually harmonizing your attention with body and with breathing. That's all there is to do. It's very simple, but it's hard, as we know. So even when we're thinking, even when the thoughts are coming up in our mind, we're still Buddha. thinking Buddha. Suzuki Roshi used to talk about when we're sleepy, we're sleepy Buddha. And when we're tired, we're tired Buddha. When we're concentrated, we're concentrated Buddha.

[27:29]

And there may be some difference in quality, some difference in quality, but all the same, In each situation it's still Buddha. So we come to a point in our practice where we feel that when we're highly concentrated, no gap between our thought and our body, breathing, that that's best sadhana. And when we're sleepy and thoughts are carrying us off and our mind is confused, and our body is not doing so well, that's bad zazen. We make that distinction. When you make that distinction, when you judge on that distinction, that is a distinction, but when you judge that distinction as to good and bad, then already you've made a rift

[28:39]

between yourself and Buddha, between your ordinary and Buddha. There's an ideal. We want to do the best we can, and we strive to do the best that we can. But even though we strive to do the best we can, we fall off. You know, we find ourselves not doing the best that we can. or we're doing the best that we can, but we can't do it. And she said, I never can do it, you know, I only do it a little bit. But that effort to each time to do it as well as you can is pure zazen. pure Buddha effort. When you start to judge it, you say, well, geez, maybe I don't have to.

[29:47]

Why am I putting all this effort in when I can't do it? I can't really do it well, so why am I making this effort? That's because you think there's some perfect state of mind that you're supposed to have in order to be Buddha, in order to be enlightened. You reach this perfect state of mind and you're enlightened. But that's just another dualistic idea. The dualistic ideas just keep peeling off. Every time you get that idea, you just fall into ordinary mind again. So it's a big koan. Think, not thinking. Big go on.

[30:50]

So, our thoughts, you know, are not our enemies. Whatever we have and does in, that's what we have. And it's all included, sleepiness. pain, thoughts, you name it. It's all there. That's us. That's it. That's part of zazen. If you can enjoy every state of mind, then you have some good realization. But if you just feel, well, you know, I won't try hard because I can just accept every state of mind. That's just another dualism. So at the same time that you accept every state of mind, you still have to make the effort, big effort.

[32:03]

If you make the big effort, then you can accept whatever happens. But if you don't make the effort, then what you're doing doesn't mean anything. So we want to make the effort to have clear zazen. No gap zazen. no-gap zazen. But what you find is that the effort itself is the no-gap zazen. If you make a complete wholehearted effort, no matter what happens, that's complete zazen. Perfect zazen with no gap, even though you're sleepy, tired, aching, confused.

[33:10]

But if you fall into the idea of perfection on the one hand and hopelessness on the other, you miss it. And why you miss it is because you can never accept where you are in each moment as the We always think that it's someplace else. If you make your best effort on each moment, then that moment, each moment, is the moment.

[34:24]

But we miss it. We miss the moment. Because we think it's... we have some idea about what it is. You say, ah, shucks, you know, this isn't much. We're walking on the path, but we don't see it. We're walking on the path, and we're looking for the path. Where is it? I'm getting tired. So, So when we sit sadhana, to make a real effort with posture, really hold yourself straight.

[35:50]

And let your attention be completely focused on your posture. That's first thing. And then you can allow yourself to watch the breath. And pain will help us. When you really start having a lot of pain, and you really get focused, and you can get into your breath more easily. And sometimes it's all you can do, just hang on, just to be concentrated on one breath at a time. and that will refine your focus. It's like looking through a magnifying glass at your breath when you really have very painful legs and you don't want to move and your attention is on your breath and your breath becomes very magnified.

[37:09]

It's like looking through a telescope sometimes. And that's very good concentration. And it can save your life, that kind of concentration. And you just ride out the breath. that this... to let the thoughts come.

[38:16]

Whenever a thought comes into your consciousness, it changes your state of mind. So our states of mind are constantly changing with our thought, whatever thought is. Next, thoughts and feelings. And to allow the state of mind to be there. Without judgment. And then the state of mind will change. Then it will change to something else. And all the time, all the while, the body is sitting zazen. The body is very firmly sitting zazen. One of the problems we have is that we think that the mind is sitting zazen with our mind, but we're also... the body is sitting zazen.

[39:22]

And body and mind come together, and then they separate, and then they come together, and they separate. When they come together, You can't tell the difference between body and mind. When they come apart, there's body and mind. But even when a thought comes in, it doesn't necessarily have to separate body and mind. Even when the thoughts are there, they're still sitting zazen, very firmly sitting zazen. Thoughts are coming, but attention is still going into posture. And this constantly changing states of mind and accepting constantly changing states of mind without losing your equilibrium is called shikantaza, real concentration, concentrated

[40:31]

attention on zazen without letting anything, it's not that you don't let anything come in, it's that you don't let anything bother you that comes in. This is a very important point. Whatever comes in doesn't bother you, but you don't stop it from coming in. Therefore, you don't get knocked off your seat. Just let it come in, invite it in, but don't get upset by it. Just keep returning to body and mind. Do you have one question?

[41:53]

I think the nicest way that I've ever heard you say that was when you said That's the sneaky rushes. The reason I didn't say that again was because it's not original to me. But that's right. I thought of saying that again. That's what sneaky rushes used to say. Invite them in but don't serve them tea. They come in the front door and go out the back door. So you can be comfortable in your house. You don't have to get involved. And you can enjoy them, too. Sometimes, you know, we have to think. Sometimes a thought will come, and you want to think about it. That's okay, you know. You shouldn't be too rigid. It might be better to think about the thought that comes.

[42:57]

Actually, which is what we do a lot of the time, right? Anyway. So, you know, Zazen, when we sit over and over and over, it becomes, we have a kind of natural, it becomes natural. We have a natural feeling. We're doing something, very concentrated, but if we're too strict, we might miss something. It may be better to take care of the thought in some way, and then come back. So you'd be more at ease, actually. You may let a thought go that you really want to think about. It'd cause you more problems than if you pushed it away to think about it.

[44:05]

So sometimes it's good to think, to let yourself do that. You have to be careful because it's too easy.

[44:16]

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