Yesterday, when I was in my talk, I was talking about sharing yourself. Master Hongzi talks about sharing yourself and taking responsibility. And I just want to say that this was not a pitch for taking some position at the Zen I think I made a lot of people feel guilty. The point is how you let go of self-obsession. How do you let go of being self-concerned and self-obsessed and actually take more interest in letting go and being of service to people in some way?

[01:09]

And, you know, especially when we're young or we're thinking about our life and maybe our life hasn't quite developed yet, and how we're going to, we think about our future and about how we're going to take care of ourselves and what our career is going to be and what our boyfriend or girlfriend, who our boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be and what our sex life is like and what our, you know, all these questions, you know, how to relate to the world. And we become very self-obsessed. because we're thinking about our security and all these problems and I don't know if there's ever an end to those problems but at some point, you know, we have to let go of being obsessed with our own security and with our

[02:19]

own personal problems, keep adding personal problems and creating more and more personal problems through our desire and our ego-centered way of thinking about our life. When we stop using the ego as a central point in our life, then we can actually let go and share ourselves, and take responsibility. But it's pretty hard to. Until we're free, actually, of self-clinging, as it says. You know, we chant this in the meal chant every day. May we all be free from self-clinging. That's the point of practice.

[03:22]

is to be free of self-clinging. And when we have some freedom from self-clinging, then we can more easily share ourselves in an unselfish way and take responsibility. So, when I say take responsibility, I mean take responsibility for your actions and also share responsibility with others for whatever we're involved with to create a harmonious situation and to add your energy to the energy of the people that you're involved with to create that situation and make it work. So you can't just say, take responsibility and expect that to happen, because each person is in a different place in their development.

[04:35]

And we have to be patient with everyone. Because even if you force somebody to do something, they won't like it. So I think those people who have some sense of freedom from themselves set a good example for the others. And then we carry people along for a time until others can let go too and finally share themselves and take responsibility. And that's maturity. So this is bodhisattva's maturity. Bodhisattva actually means mature person.

[05:39]

That's what bodhisattva is. A mature person and one whose practice is the practice of aiming at further maturity. until there's nothing particularly personal that one does for oneself. But one is always acting for the benefit of others, which always comes back to oneself. So if you want to do something for yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is to help others. And that benefit always comes back to yourself. So it's not, people sometimes think that if they give too much, that they'll deplete themselves. As if you're a closet with just so much in it. And after it's all gone, there's nothing left.

[06:42]

But unfortunately, that would be good if it was like that. But unfortunately, the more you give, the more fills the closet or fills the space. The secret of dana is that giving creates energy. It doesn't deplete energy. It only depletes energy when you have some goal in giving or if you think that Something good will come of it. You expect something. If you expect something, of course, you'll be depleted. And you portion things out. You know, 15% tip. So I just wanted to clarify that.

[07:56]

So I'm going to talk some more about Hongzi's practice instructions. I talked about this at Tassajara during Sashim. So people that were at Tassajara Sashim heard this before, but it will not be the same talk. Master Hongzi says, the practice of true reality is simply to sit serenely in silent introspection. He's talking, of course, about Zazen. the practice of true reality at Zazen comes forth in Zazen.

[09:04]

So he says, to sit serenely in silent introspection. So what does serene mean? I think serene means without disturbance, contentment, contentedly. So what does content mean? Content means without desire, or maybe desire fulfilled. But desire fulfilled only lasts so long, and then there needs to be another desire to be fulfilled. because the effect of desire fulfilled only has a certain duration. So, complete fulfillment would be to be completely content with desire fulfilled and no other desire coming up.

[10:10]

When we say, you know, get rid of desire, It doesn't really mean get rid of, because one can't really get rid of desire. One can, but then you have a kind of limp, lifeless person. There are people like that. Maybe sit behind a desk or something in a dusty room with no desire. But red-blooded human beings are full of desire. So it can't really mean that. What it means is turned desire to a direction that's fulfilling. Turned desire in a direction that's fulfilling. So we have to sit zazen with our strong desire.

[11:20]

You can't leave desire out of zazen. But desire has to be termed in the right way. So, the desire, the first desire is to sit. It's a very strong desire. I want to sit zazen. I will sit zazen for 40 minutes without moving. Or, I will sit zazen all day without moving, no matter what happens. So that's a very strong desire, strong wish. And desire also is a vow, can be a vow. So vow is a very strong desire that you take seriously, very seriously, and you don't want to turn around. Even though we make a vow, a strong vow, sometimes we can't fulfill our vow. So we should be very careful about the vows that we make, because if we fail, then we don't feel so good, you know, or we feel that we're a failure.

[12:32]

So you don't want to become failures. So I usually say, use the word intention rather than vow. Strong intention to do something. Sometimes vow, but you have to be very careful. Strong intention which means sincere and serious. I have a strong intention to sit all day without moving, but you may move. Then you have to say, that's okay. Even though I had a strong intention to do this, I couldn't do it. So I moved and that's fine. And you don't feel ashamed of yourself. This is what happened. This is the best I could do. With my strong intention, this is the best I could do. And I did it. And now I had to move. And so I'll try again.

[13:34]

I think that makes a lot more sense. But that's a strong desire, you know, to do something. So desire is very important in how we use it. rather than being used by it, is what's important. When desire gets out of hand, then it pulls us along. When desire is in hand, then it can be directed toward accomplishing something. And so our desire here is to sit serenely in silent introspection. Introspection, not in the usual sense actually, but we know what it means. So there's also a strong desire or intention to accept everything completely.

[14:45]

as it comes, all the pains or emotions or feelings, and to let go of resistance. What causes us the most problem, of course, is resistance. I don't like it, or I do like it, or, oh, this must be it, because it feels good. and to accept all the changes and every changing state of mind and every changing state of feeling and to be completely open to all that. So usual desire is to get something and this desire is to let go of everything. Let go of emotion, thought,

[15:47]

and the desire to have something or to gain something. But it's desire nevertheless. But we call it letting go of desire because it's not desire to gain something. So he says, when you have fathomed this, you cannot be turned around by external causes and conditions. When you really reach the bottom of this, nothing can turn you around. The pain won't turn you around. The emotions won't turn you around. Feelings won't turn you around. This is actually the goal that we seek. when we sit sasheen, to not be turned around by anything.

[16:50]

To, you know, not be limited by what we feel or think. Our limitation will be, this is enough. I've had it. I can't stand this anymore. No. This is our self-imposed limitation, actually. And it's necessary to go beyond our self-imposed limitation. Because even though we say, I can't, we can. It's possible. But the only way it's possible is to let go. And so very quickly, or eventually, we find what we think is our limitation. And right there is where the crucial point of our practice comes into play.

[17:59]

At the point where you think you can't, and yet you have to. You can't leave and you can't go on. What are you going to do? That's the koan. All you can do is have realization. Letting go. Letting go of our idea about what's good, what's bad, what's right, what's wrong. Ultimately, we have to do this. And then real Zazen begins.

[19:04]

And this is called letting go of self, actually. Letting the self go. Letting go of self-clinging. Because we cling to self, we cling to life, and we cling to the idea of death. And we cling to our pain, and we cling to the idea of pleasure. So anything that we cling to will cause us limitation. So whatever comes, we expand to encompass it, whether it's pleasure or pain or suffering. This is called accepting everything equally, not making distinctions, not discriminating. And when you can do that, then you find yourself.

[20:11]

And you can just go deeper and deeper. And the same thing applies in our daily life. Not just us. When you can do this, you should be able to practice the same way in your daily life. That's what's most important. To not be turned around by events. Even the most difficult events. They will turn us around. But we will also have some elasticity, you know. Some way of, even though we get thrown, we come back to ourselves. We know where that place is. He says, when you have fathomed this, you cannot be turned around by external causes and conditions.

[21:26]

This empty, wide, open mind is subtly and correctly illuminating. When we reach this place, that's what he calls silent illumination, because that's our natural illuminating true self, luminous true self, and then that begins to shine. Spacious and content, without confusion from inner thoughts of grasping, effectively overcome habitual behavior and realize the self that is not possessed by emotions, That's a long sentence. Spacious and content. Spacious means able to like a large room that will accommodate a lot of things or just stay open.

[22:40]

It's nice to enter a large room, you know, like a ballroom when nobody's dancing. or a skating rink where nobody's skating. Just enjoy this vastness of this room. But yet, there's a lot of space for activity because it will take an enormous amount. Spacious and content. Without confusion from inner thoughts of grasping, effectively overcome habitual behavior. and realize the self that is not possessed by emotions. There's so much in that sentence. Effectively overcome habitual behavior. If you really look at how we do things, we're definitely creatures of habit, even good habits.

[23:47]

We have good habits, we have bad habits, but we're definitely creatures of habit. When I park my car, I have a routine of how I put on the brake, put it in gear, take out the key, lock the door, step out of the car, and then lock the door. And it always works until there's one other element that comes in. You know, like, I have to talk to somebody, or there's something in the seat I pick up, and then, if I forget the sequence, I lock myself out of the car. And it's all done by habit, you know. It just takes that one little thing. So, our lives are really directed by habit. And to be able to actually think out, really pay attention to everything we do, as well as pay attention to our habits, is very important.

[25:03]

But often we're not thinking, we're not mindful. And also, but what he's talking about more of being possessed by the habit of being possessed by emotions or the habit of responding to emotions and thoughts in a certain way. Or when something happens, a certain emotion comes up and we validate that emotion. And so we keep responding in the same way to things over and over again and keep getting caught by our emotion and our thought. And pretty soon we have no freedom to actually see how things are outside of the cycle of our emotions and our thoughts.

[26:05]

And we get trapped in the cycle of the way we think and the way we feel. And then when we sit, Especially like the first day of Sashin, our emotion and thought comes up and we're still a little bit trapped there. And it takes a while before the mind settles and the circumstances of Sashin, like painful legs and so forth, comes up and wakes us up. Pain actually wakes us up. You know, the realm of the gods and the six realms is the realm of pleasure, you know, where everything is very easy and pleasant and taken care of, you know, and there's no conflict. But that is the realm where people are actually asleep.

[27:09]

And if some pain comes into their life, they don't know what to do. And in some sense, we're like that. We want to be in the realm of the gods and the pleasant realms. We drink booze and we smoke dope and we try to get as comfortable as we can in order to be in the realm of Actually, the way we live our lives now is the way monarchs, kings, used to live their lives 2,000 years ago. It's true. The common person today has even more. So when some pain comes in there, we don't like it. Make everything easy and pleasant.

[28:15]

It's natural. That's the natural way of human beings. But not everybody acts that way. People in the jungle don't act that way, usually. They are more aware that pain is a part of their life. And so they make scars on their faces and engage in painful games. And we look at them and say, oh, they're savages. But actually, there's something, you know, it's like taking on, directly facing the pain of life and making it a part of their life, gives them a more holistic view of life. In some way, we're kind of modern, maybe American savages, We come into the Zen to do our spiritual practice through pain.

[29:18]

In order to bring together the two sides of our life, the pleasure and the pain of life. Because it's one thing. And to get beyond discriminating between them. So he says, spacious and content, without confusion from inner thoughts of grasping, effectively overcome habitual behavior and realize the self that is not possessed by emotions. You must be broad minded and whole without relying on others. We're not relying on others. Actually, you know, we rely on everyone.

[30:29]

But we don't rely on anyone. So each one of us needs to be self-sufficient. Being self-sufficient means to have our own experience and know who we are through our own experience. I think that's what he means by not relying on others. We need to verify our own experience, but actually we're always relying on others. We rely on the whole universe. We're completely dependent. At the same time, our experience is independent. You shouldn't take what I say as the truth. You should verify it for yourself. And such upright, independent spirit, with that, I don't like to say it the way he puts it, but I would say, with such upright, independent spirit, you can begin not to pursue degrading situations.

[31:44]

Degrading situations are dependent situations, actually. You know, needy situations. When we have needy, dependent situations, then that's degrading because we no longer feel independent and we lose our dignity. Here, you can rest and become clean, pure and lucid. What he means here is to be in a place where you're no longer creating karma. When we sit tzadzin, this is the situation of not creating karma. There's nothing being produced here which

[32:47]

will continue. Sometimes we sit for a week in Zazen, and then later you think, well, what happened? I don't know. What happened? There's no karmic effect that's being carried on. It's just the experience you had was complete and total, and there's nothing left over. Bright and penetrating, you can immediately return, accord, and respond to deal with events. So I think here he's talking about after zazen, after immersing in this fundamental activity, you can immediately, you're bright and penetrating,

[33:50]

you can immediately return, accord, and respond to deal with events. Of course, we don't return to anything. We are always going forward. But we say return, because our life is this little fairy tale. And in our story, we talk about coming and going. And we talk about returning to something. I came to the Zendo and then I will return home. That's within our story. But actually, you don't return anywhere. You're always going forward. Or we're always, even though we're going somewhere, we're always in the same place, which is here. And to accord means to harmonize with our surroundings, wherever we are.

[34:55]

And respond means to take responsibility. To be free enough within yourself to respond to things out so-called outside of yourself, or outside of your self-obsession, and to deal with events as they come up. It means having nothing special to do, but when something comes up, you immediately respond, because you're free, free to respond. Everything is unhindered. Clouds gracefully floating up to the peaks. The moonlight glitteringly flowing down mountain streams.

[36:00]

That's a wonderful image. The moonlight glitteringly flowing down mountain streams. It's this feeling of unhinderedness, you know. Whatever situation comes, You just respond and freely and you have that kind of freedom to go with things You know as our lives become busy and busier sometimes We get feel that we're inundated and don't know what to do next but to just be able to do one thing at a time if we can just do one thing at one time then we can do the next thing and then the next thing because we can only do one thing at one time and we have to be at the center of our world

[37:19]

Each one of us is at the center of our world, and we have to be able to control our world, or be in control of our world. And we do that in various ways. Some people want to have everything a certain way, because it's the only way they can control things. And then we talk about control freaks. someone who has to order everything around them, and everything has to be in place, otherwise they can't do anything, move. And someone else can, without having anything to do, just walk into a chaotic situation and create order, just by having no special sense of order. by just responding to conditions, but by having a sense of order within.

[38:25]

I think for a Zen student, we need to step out of having everything in place and be able to step into a disorderly situation and just depend on the order that we have down here, our calmness of mind. and respond to conditions and allow them to be ordered, find the order within the chaos. Because chaos is just another sense of order that we don't understand. It doesn't conform to our idea. So as much as we cling to our idea, that much suffering we'll have.

[39:26]

So, clinging to ideas of order, or anything, will eventually cause us a lot of suffering. Of course, we have order, and we want things to be a certain way, but we have to be ready to let go of that. allow for whatever change happens. So he says, the entire place is brightly illumined and spiritually transformed, totally unobstructed and clearly manifesting responsive interaction like box and cover, or arrow points meeting, like in the box and cover joining. Arrow points meeting means that your action fits the totality.

[40:33]

Your little action, your personal action fits the totality, like a box and a cover, or like two arrow points meeting in mid-air. The entire place is brightly illumined and spiritually transformed You know, things don't change, but our mind changes. Somebody can walk into a situation and say, oh, what a gloomy, terrible thing this is. And then when their mind becomes transformed, they can look around and see what a wonderful illuminated place it is, because the mind is what illuminates. When you become enlightened, nothing changes. It's just that your mind illuminates. When you walk down the street, everything is totally transformed, but nothing's changed.

[41:44]

It's just that you see things in a different light. And after Sashin, even though you've had a difficult time, when you go down the street, it's not the same street. Continuing, cultivate and nourish yourself to embody maturity and achieve stability. If you accord everywhere with thorough clarity and round off the sharp corners without dependence on doctrines like the white ox or wildcat helping to arouse wonder, you can be called a complete person. So we hear that this is how one on the way of non-mind acts.

[42:50]

But before realizing non-mind, we still have great That's how he ends it. But before you realize this, you have great hardship. It's really difficult. You know, most of the, many, many of the most well-known Zen masters talk about their great hardship, like Hakuin, you know. If you've ever read the story of Hakumen, his life was really difficult. I mean, he just went through all kinds of agony until he got turned around. And many teachers are like this.

[43:52]

I think there are two kinds of I've talked about this before, the faith kind and the doubt type. Faith types, even though they have difficulty, they still have a lot of patience, maybe working through patience and realize that the difficulty is just difficulty. But at the same time they know where they're going. Whereas the doubt type often just sees a deep abyss. Needs to be turned around by a sudden kind of event. So when we read the Zen literature we have

[44:52]

A lot of... most of the Zen literature talks about the dramatic event that turns one around. And even the phase type has dramatic events which turn them around too, but... Dao type needs to have dramatic event, usually. Someone like Dogen, or Suzuki Roshi actually, are more like faith types. Someone like Hakuin or maybe Rinzai are more doubt types. So you have these two schools, the faith type and the doubt type, although each one contains the other. I think that Hongzi is a faith type, definitely.

[45:57]

He's always talking in this wonderful way. If you practice this way, eventually you'll see the light. And he's not handing out koans. his rival, not his rival, I'm sorry, his great friend, actually. Not his rival. They were actually great friends, and they sent students to each other. Hui Hai used to criticize the silent illumination, because, but it was their students, actually, You know, he used to criticize some of the students of Silent Illumination who would just be lazy, you know, feeling that they'd sit in Zazen all the time and not do any work and not do any, you know.

[47:08]

This is a kind of the enemy of, the near enemy of Silent Illumination is feeling that you don't have to do anything, you just sit, Zazen, and make your mind black, actually, which is not Zazen. And cut off all thoughts, and cut off all activity, you know, kind of degenerating activity. And the koan, Kana Zen, which is a lot of vitality intellectually, tends to... can ease the near enemy of that. People tend to go through koans like you're going to school, you know, and you just kind of pass one after the other and you come out with some good idea but no way to... no real practice.

[48:20]

and thinking that you've accomplished something. So both of these schools have their good points and their bad points. But these two teachers were actually very close friends. And they didn't criticize each other, but criticized some of the students who were making these mistakes. So although Hongzi is actually a faith type and he talks about silent illumination, but he's always talking about going back into the world and meeting with events and practicing in the midst of the events of your life. So he's talking about that. He's not talking about staying on the cushion 24 hours a day or being lazy.

[49:22]

or avoiding activity.

[49:24]

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