Good morning. Good morning. Can everyone hear me back there? Okay. Up a little bit. Up a little bit. I'll keep talking. It's very sunny outside. It's summer. I think they're saying okay. Thank you again. Lovely introduction. Well, first things first, what's with this? Softball. I was playing right center Thursday morning on my Pleasant Hill team. In left center was a guy I really loved dearly named Ron Carlock. A shot has hit between us in the gap. I call for it running full tilt. Ronnie's calling for it running full tilt. Neither one of us hear the other. I don't wear my hearing aids, plain and simple. Because, you know, I figure if they're Drop similar.

[01:00]

That's thousands of dollars. Plus, it would delay the game. Anyway, we smashed. He's he's fine. More on this later. faces over me and said, all right, don't do this, all right. He took me to the emergency room. And guess who attended me at the emergency room? Dr. Hurt. The other thing I wanted to say, there are hurts to this, because now I can do my Jack Benny, which only people of a certain age know who Jack Van Hansen is. Anyway. Did you catch the ball?

[02:02]

No. I'm not sure if it was rule of the home run or what, but the game was called. So today it's a lovely day, and it's so great to see everybody here. I had Rocky Balboa. And just a few minutes ago in Ross's and Susan's place, it was so lovely with Jed waiting. Cats are very soothing to me, anyway. The case that Sojin Roshi has given me this practice period to work on, to sit with, is Joshu's Washer Bull. And it's case 7 from the Mumumkan, case 39 in the Book of Serenity. And I remember he said, oh, see, it's in both of these. Well, I read the Book of Serenity version. The verse was OK, but the commentary, and I said, Sojourner Roshi, do you mind if I just use the Mumenkan?

[03:07]

You have to look at the Book of Serenity to see what I mean. The Mumenkan version is much more plain spoken, so it's more my style. And I'll read the case shortly after some introductory remarks. In a couple of weeks from now, when I give my second talk, I'll speak on Mu Man's Commentary and Verse. I'll read those today, but I'm only going to talk on the main case today. So, a bit about Zhou Shu first. In Chinese, Zha Zhuo. And I always find it confusing when speakers go from the Japanese to the Chinese, and they're very fluent, and pretty soon I have no idea who we're talking about. So I'm going to stick to the Japanese version, Choshu. And the same thing for terms, Chan, Zen, I'll stick to Zen, with a few exceptions, as you'll see when we get to them, of necessity. I'm going to be using Sakita's translation of the Mumenkan, even though it's not my favorite. But we'll go on about that.

[04:09]

Translated English, Mumonkan is the gateless gate or the gateless barrier. It was written in China in 1228 by the monk Mumon. He put together some 48 koans and included his own comment and verse for each one. Koan is Japanese for the Chinese public records. In his preface to the Mumonkan, One says, the great way is gateless, approached in a thousand ways. Once past this checkpoint, you stride through the universe. Really love that. A few words about Joshu. Joshu has become very near and dear to my heart. Sometimes I think of him as just Joe. I really have grown fond of Zhou Shu. He was born in 778 in the countryside in North China. Fairly poor background. He became a monk at an early age, as was commonly the case back then.

[05:11]

At 18, he met Master Nansen, and entering In Master Nansen's room, he found him lying down, and the dialogue allegedly went like this. The Master asked, Where have you come from? Djoser replied, From Zuizo-in. The Master said, Well, then did you see the standing image of the Buddha there? Djoser replied, I don't see a standing Buddha. I see a reclining Tathagata. Master asked, Are you a novice with a master, or a novice without a master? Djoser replied, A novice with a master.

[06:15]

The master said, Where is your master? Djoser replied, In spite of the intense cold of early spring, I dare say your honorable body is enjoying good health. With that, Nansen called the head monk of the temple and said, give this novice a special seat in the monk's hall. There's another very famous, now he went through this at 18, so I figure that's fairly precocious. The famous dialogue between Nansen and Joshu, which precipitated Joshu's enlightenment experience, is this. Joshu asked Nansen, what is the way? Nansen replied, ordinary mind is the way. Joshu asked, shall I try to seek after it? Nansen replied, if you try for it, you will be separated from it. Joshu asked, how can I know the way unless I try for it? Nansen replied, the way is not a matter of knowing or not knowing.

[07:21]

Knowing is delusion. Not knowing is confusion. When you have really reached the true way beyond doubt, you will find it as vast and boundless as outer space. How can it be talked about on the level of right or wrong?" With this, Joshu had sudden realization. And I partly cite this because it is going to be reflected in some of the words I say later indirectly. So, Joshu had dharma transmission with Nansen. Soon after, he remained at Nansen's temple until Nansen died. At the time, Joshu was 57. He practiced at Nansen's temple all those many years, from 18 to 57. Joshu spent three years mourning his master. And after that, I decided to take a pilgrimage throughout much of China, carrying just a clean water jug and a staff. Today I think of my water bottle and my trekking pole.

[08:22]

He was willing to learn, he said, from the youngest child to the oldest person. It didn't matter. At age 80, he decided to settle down in his own place. And he became a resident priest at Canon Inn, a run-down temple in China. There were only a few monks there. They had very big food. It's said that the The end wall and front wall of the zendo was dilapidated and very airy. This is in northern China, so very cold. When Joshu's chair broke, the monks wanted to replace it with a new chair. He said, no. Well, how about a new chair leg? No. And he tied a piece of burned wood, an ember from the fire, and wrapped it around, stuck it, and tied it onto his chair. He said, this is fine. He wouldn't allow anyone. He wouldn't allow the lay community to give support.

[09:26]

He wouldn't allow his monks to go out and beg for support. Now, it's said that at the year 897, he was 120 years old. He passed away after assuming the full lotus position. Thousands of monks and lay people gathered to mourn him. He had 13 Dharma heirs. But his lineage soon died out. Fortunately, there was one follower who wrote down Joshu's lectures and dialogues for us. Unlike his predecessors and contemporaries of the time, he wasn't of the shouting school and of the hitting-with-the-stick school. He was very plain-spoken, very straightforward. He was noted even at his time for succinct sayings. in his own time, but I guess at 120 you could probably reach that point. It's said that his lips emitted light, and when I first heard that I flashed, I'm sorry, on Katy Perry in her song, you know, Light Streaming Out.

[10:34]

That was for the young folks here, Katy Perry. Anyway, Joshu appears in the Mumenkan actually five times, which is up there, and the Blue Cliff Record twelve times, and of course in the Book of Serenity. He's perhaps most famous for MOOP, his answer, his response to, does a dog have Buddha nature? I want to give you a little flavor of Joshu, five short dialogues. A monk asked Joshu, what is myself? Joshu replied, well, do you see the oak tree in front of the garden? The monk had understanding. Amonk asked, two dragons are fighting for a pearl. Which dragon gets it? Joshu replied, I'm just watching. Amonk asked, Master, what is the state of no thought? Joshu said, speak quickly, speak quickly. The master said, or master, Amonk asked the master, why are you sweeping?

[11:40]

Joshu replied, dust comes in from the outside. The monk replied, Master, this is a pure temple. Why, then, is there dust? Djoser replied, There's some more. And then one of my favorites. A tax collector came and paid his respects to Master Djoser and said, Master Djoser, please say a word or two about the essence of the Buddhist tradition. Djoser responded, Today I have no money to give you. Now, oh my God, I've done it. I left my Moomincon somewhere. So I will state the case. And that's all right, you know, because I know the case. And I told you I'm going to talk about the

[12:42]

the commentary and the verse next time, so you'll just have to wait until next time. It's alright. This is called making do, but that is pretty... if you know me, you know, this is a good time to practice. So, the case is this. A monk entered the temple and said to Master Joshu, Master, what is your teaching? I would like to learn something. Joshu replied, have you eaten your rice porridge? And the monk replied, well, yes, I have. And then Joshu replied, then go wash your bowl. That's the case. Now, the literal meaning is fairly right out there. Maybe the monk's coming in. Joshu's concerned about him, you know, have you had your breakfast?

[13:47]

Do you know where the key is to your apartment? Do you know where the bathroom is? That sort of thing. Oh yeah? OK, well, have you washed your bowl? Yeah? Well, go wash the bowl. And I will say that I heard a Norman Fisher lecture some time ago. It was magnificent on a literal interpretation. More traditionally, and I won't spend much time on this, is, you know, have you eaten your rice porridge? Well, that can be interpreted as, have you had some realization, you have some understanding of what the ancestors have given us? Well, yes. Well, then Josh is saying to the mother, well then forget about that and go on to the next thing. But for me, with this koan, I wanted to have my own response. I wanted to reach a point where I felt Joshi was speaking to me. And I have to say, when Sojin Roshi first gave me the call, I said, yes!

[14:48]

I think maybe because I like to wash dishes. Well, I do, both at home and here. I always like it in Sashima and dishwashing. But I was glad, and I didn't quite know why except for the dishwashing connection. I was curious about the meaning of the word wash. So I looked up the various dictionaries. Etymology is from the Proto-Indo-European wad, meaning water, which I really resonate to. I'm an Aquarius, water sign. Not that I'm into that. Water has a real significance for me in my life. Soap, not so much. A lot of my ideas came to me while I was hiking on Mount Diablo. Briefly, I'm a volunteer there. I have my badge and my uniform, hat. And I, among other things, give advice to people who are lost.

[15:51]

I have a map. These days, too, the kids don't have maps, but they have their cell phones. So I say, here's my map. Just take a picture. But I make reports on the feral pigs, which are trespassing into our parkland. And I report cows that have strayed from one sector or another. I pick up litter. Anyway, you get the idea, that sort of thing. People who are collecting things have to say, well, you know, actually, park rolls we don't collect. Anyway, some of the ideas that came to me while hiking were these. Is the washing ever done? There's no thing to wash. Dying is the final washing. Berkeley Bowl should be washed. Impermanence washes the universe. When the rain washes you clean, you'll know Stevie Nicks, from the rumors, 1974 Fleetwood Mac. I was in love with Stevie.

[16:53]

She's my angel. Going to wash that man right out of my hair, South Pacific. The water with which we wash these bowls tastes like ambrosia. We offer it to the various spirits to satisfy them. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Water. I was also reminded of Wallace Stevens' 13 ways to look at a blackbird. The blackbird whirled in the autumn winds.

[17:54]

It was a small part of the pantomime. When the blackbird flew out of sight, it marked the edge of one of many circles. Two of the 13. I'm very fond of that. I like birds. I like blackbirds. I like crows. I like ravens. I gave my name to myself some time ago, Raven Big Cluck, and it has significance to me. At some point in my koan musings, I came to think of my rice porridge as zazen. Well, did I sit this morning? Yes, I did. Two periods of zazen. Well, then I'd better wash my bowl. But what's that? And who is it that is doing this washing? I thought of Master Tozan, and you might say, well, what brought that? Well, I have a confession here. I love Master Tozan, and I was hoping I would get something like, wherever I go, I meet myself.

[18:56]

But I didn't. I got this other one, which is fine. But I remember standing on a bridge years ago, on Mono Creek. Some of you know where that is. And looking down into the creek, rushing water, there's a little pool, and I thought, this is lovely. I'm going to take a picture of it. As I took a picture, in my frame, I saw myself, this shadow holding this camera, and I saw the water, and I felt the breeze through the furs, and I heard the gurgling, the roar, and I saw myself. It wasn't the shadow. It was the shadow. It was everything right there. So ever since then, Master Iturzon has been with me. And then I began thinking, in no particular order, having breakfast with a friend yesterday morning, talking about very intimate things.

[19:58]

Cradling an injured squirrel, still warm in my hands after it had been as its eyes closed, or didn't close. I thought of the anguished tears I brought to some people very close to me by words that I have said. I thought about riding my bike along the canal trail, picking up litter along Mount Diablo trails, yelling expletives, like you at the guy in front of me who cut me off. I thought of telling Amy after I found her falling, and she had fallen from a cliff, being three days alone, that I would never leave her, and our eyes met, and we cried, and I held her. I thought of drifting to sleep with the Giants game still on, bottom of the ninth, and I don't know the score. I thought of putting air in my bike tires, calling for the ball from my position in the outfield, heads slammed by an unexpected blow, Ronnie, darkness, the sweet grass in my nostrils, guys kneeling over me, guys saying my name, you're all right,

[21:06]

Keep your eyes open, but I couldn't answer, saying goodbye to dear friend Pat as I scattered her ashes in the Pacific waves at Leventor, embracing my dear wife Leslie, talking to you today. This is it. Whatever I do, wherever I am, I meet myself. The doing is myself. Everything is included, nothing is excluded. I really feel that I could end the talk now, but I'm not. But that's really all I have to say of any import, I think, because this is from here. It's not something here. But I will talk more. Sojin Roshi has said, you know, it's one thing, do the zazen, but also read the sutras, study. And so that's good. It's something I've come to rather lately, because studying is not my favorite thing. doing is.

[22:08]

So a washer bowl to me is a reminder to meet myself off the cushion, just as I try to meet myself on the cushion. But how do I meet myself off the cushion? By doing one thing, thoroughly, at a time. Sojin Roshi recently said to me, in Zazen, life meets life. Off the cushion, life meets life. In Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, Suzuki Roshi, Sojin Roshi's teacher, says, When you bow, you should just bow. When you eat, you should just eat. If you do this, the universal nature is there. This is one act samadhi, one act concentration. And I was so with that when I bowed this morning. I felt my forehead touch that mat. We've all experienced, at one time or another, this feeling of no separation. respect between ourselves and what we're dealing with.

[23:10]

Maybe in music, playing music, singing, acting, fixing something, watching film, writing, playing sports. It's everything. It can be everything. Of course, it's easier to be engaged with things we enjoy. With things we don't like so much, for me, maybe painting a wall. It becomes more problematic. But needn't be. I recall the opening lines of the Xin Xin Ming. The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. This has long resonated with me. The topic of preferences is compelling, but I don't have time to go into that today. I would like to clarify something, though. One thing at a time is holistic. It's not fragmented. It's the whole activity. So when riding the bicycle, I'm not talking about just steering, just ringing my bell. I'm talking about pedaling, steering, braking, shifting gears, the whole shebang. And a word about the present moment.

[24:12]

We can never escape the present moment. We may think we do. In our head we may be somewhere else, but it's still the present moment. It's only this. It's just sometimes we forget who's... I forget who's in front of me. I forget what's in front of me. I remember hiking on Rocky Ridge some years ago, and being bussed out by the view to the north toward Lafayette, the Branus Hills, and suddenly... Sorry about this. It was a rattler this far from my leg, coiled, and his tongue was flicking like that. And I knew that if I tried to leap, he was going to beat anything I tried to do. So I froze, became a statue. He said, that's cool. Slid it away, and then I painted. I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't paying attention.

[25:14]

I wasn't even in my head with thoughts of greed. I was just looking at the view. However, usually I'm more distracted by my own ego-created stories. Generally, I pay attention to where I'm walking. I'm not talking here about random thoughts, which are part of everyday stream of consciousness. They come and go. I'm referring to self-created stories that become rather encrusted in my mind, leading me to be reactive. And they're usually stimulated, charged by me reacting to something that's been done to me or said to me. And they get in the way of seeing things the way they are. My stories often take the form of perfectionist mind, not too much room sometimes to make mistakes in my head. as sometimes defensive mind, protecting my ego, keeping Jake safe and well regarded in the Sangha, now outer world, intervening mind, trying to control the situation, even though often it comes from a good heart, trying to be helpful, still trying to put things in place.

[26:24]

If we believe our stories, if I believe them and hold on to them, my stories can separate me from my experience, from what's in front of me, from who's in front of me. Now with this separation, I'm much more likely to treat people and things, animals, everything, as objects, to reify them. And in reifying them, to separate them from myself, to see them as other, to act without compassion, to be reactive. A quick story, I told this before in one of my Way Seeking Mind Talks. I was coming to Morning Zazen, I think it was a Thursday, you know, so I'm on the road, I live in Pleasant Hill, I'm on the road 515, and there's this truck in front of me, this white van that's kind of weaving, drifting over into my lane, and I'm in the fourth lane, you know, the slow lanes. So I thought, I'm going to get past this guy, get in the third lane, I'm going to zip by this guy. So just as I'm zipping by, he veers right into my Honda Civic, And I look at my door, and I'm kind of, no, no, no.

[27:29]

And so I honk my horn, and I think, I think I'm OK here. And he's pulling over, and he gets out. And this kid gets out. He's about 20 years old. And he says, dude, dude, man, that was totally my fault, man. Dude. And I said, what the shit are you doing? I said, what the shit? He said, dude, I was trying to see where my next order is. I'm taking donuts around. And I couldn't remember where I was supposed to go. He kept saying, dude. You know, I said, did we break the boss? What's his name? Labonsky, yeah. Well, shit, hell. All right, all right. I said, well, and on the back of this truck it said, how is my driving? And I said, OK, [...] this is my fault. I said, here's my driver's license. All right, let's exchange this. I said, look at my door. I said, this is $1,000 anyway. He said, I don't have it. He said, it's a home. I said, all right, all right.

[28:30]

I said, here's my insurance card. We need to exchange these. He says, dude, I don't have my insurance card. And I'm looking at the sign, well, what company do you work for? I don't understand anything. He said, yeah, there's no sign or anything. I said, well, how do you know that? And he says, well, I don't know, man, but I gotta leave now. I'm gonna be late. You're gonna fire me. I said, the shit you're leaving? I said, I'm not leaving anywhere. You can't take off on me. What's your license number? He says, dude, I don't want to be fired. I said, I don't give a shit about you. I said, I, what? You're not taking off? I'm calling the cops. Anyway. I came to my senses, and it came to me as I was doing it, God, Jake, what's with this? You're not dead, no one's injured. What are you talking to him like this for? And so I said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I apologized to him, I'm sorry, I really was, you know, I shouldn't have talked like this. He said, that's all right, man, I understand, we all got things to do. And he said, and then he reached in and he was like, he said, would you like a donut?

[29:31]

I said, actually, I'm trying to lose some weight. I should have taken it. Anyway, that was me. So it's the flow of life, this stuff. It's doing one activity at a time. Everything's included. Directly experiencing what's in front of me. I was in my head with my stories of of how great I was, and I felt offended. That's what it was. Suzuki Roshi says, and not always so, direct experience will come when you are completely one with your activity. When you have no idea of self. I was totally into self. Usually without knowing this point, we are involved in judgments. Yep, I was judging this kid. So we say, this is right, this is wrong, this is perfect. That's not perfect. He continues, if you cling to an idea you create, like a self or an objective reality, you will be lost in the objective world that you create with your mind.

[30:41]

You are creating things one after another. There is no end. There may be various worlds you are creating. And to create and see many things is very interesting, but you should not be lost in your creations. Remember that the real you is quite different from any information you have about yourself. I'm reminded of that bumper sticker, don't believe everything you think. I should have one of mine. They remind me every time I get in my car. When Suzuki Roshi said, this is perfect, this is not perfect, that really resonated with me. I was an altar boy growing up Catholic. I was raised in all the forms. I rose to the ranks as an altar boy. And one time, Father Cleary, as I was serving him the wine, the cruets, he was fishing with his finger in this, and he calls me over. And I go over, yes, Father? I was just chagrined, and I spent months trying to go to that. I think I went to confession, of course, and confessed. But I was just petrified. I didn't let it go.

[31:43]

Maybe eight years ago, I was Kokyo, and first time doing Wednesday well-being service. And I thought, gee, my voice is coming through here. Oh, it would be like this. And then as I was walking out, people were kind of looking at me. And I got the door and I realized I hadn't recited any of the names in the well-being list. And I got outside Ross and said, are you okay, Ben? And someone said, maybe you should go in and recite them now. And I kept that with me for weeks, just every time. When I was gone recently, I think it was AM, Saturday, yeah, dawning, and I'm going along, and it's supposed to be the big bells. And I'm merrily doing the little bells, because I'm in my mind, it's the noon service. And people are saying, no, it's the big bell. And I'm like, no. I'm going to do the little bells. And then finally, I realized, this is Saturday AM.

[32:46]

And the people were almost going to help me with it. And you know what? That was wonderful. And Paul was helping me, and everybody was helping me. And it was sweet. And so that was, I just thought, That was a sign, and I didn't lose any sleep, I was fine. I thought I was very tender. Here I'm reminded a little bit of Uchiyama Roshi's metaphor, opening the hand of thought, in which he's referring when we do zazen, you know, opening the hand of thought. But it applies off the cushion as well. Uchiyama Roshi says, when we let go of our conceptions, there is no other possible reality than what is right now. This undeniable reality is the reality of life fundamentally connected to everything in the universe. Dwelling here and now in this reality, letting go of all the accidental things that arise in our minds, is what I mean by opening the hand of thought. So, we're not caught by thoughts, we're available to meet others, where they are, to be less reactive, to be compassionate. Now, a question for me has been how to cultivate this samadhi off the cushions, to find stillness within the activity.

[33:53]

And my response is, do one activity thoroughly at a time. What if I become distracted? Often I've tried various things, like finding my breath down here, not up here. Saying to myself, just this, Jake. Pay attention, Jake. Really. I'm reminded of Master Zuigan, who called out to himself every day, Master. He answered, yes, sir. Be wide awake. Yes, sir. Don't be deceived by others. No, I won't, because the others are delusions. So, I try to be recognized when I am being reactive, when I'm trying to defend myself. Sometimes we're not able to let go of things. You know, a dear friend of mine just took her life. She couldn't let go of her stories of anxiety, of dread, and it took her to hanging herself. Sometimes we need to talk to someone to get advice, a trusted friend, a dharma teacher, Sojin Roshi, a therapist.

[34:59]

I've done all these one time or another. Returning to my koan, it struck me that the metaphor I've been using for wash your bowl is similar to the metaphor of our mind as a mirror, our thoughts as dust, and trying to wipe the dust from there. But that metaphor falls short for me. It's not complete. Something's missing. You know, it comes from the Platform Sutra. It's in the part where the fifth patriarch, Hungren, says to the temples of his monk, Go and seek for prajna in your own mind, and then write me a stanza about it. He who understands what the essence of mind is will be given the robe and dharma, and I shall make him the sixth patriarch. In response, Shenshu, the head monk, wrote, Our body is the Bodhi tree, in our mind a mirror bright. Carefully we wipe them hour by hour, and let no dust alight."

[35:59]

Oh, the monks were impressed. This is going to be our next habit, the sixth patriarch. But one monk, a young man, a nobody, somebody from the South, considered a barbarian as far as they were concerned, had been relegated to shoveling the hay out on the farm. He knew immediately that Shenshu had not realized the essence of mine, and he composed a stanza on the spot, reciting, There is no Bodhi tree, nor stand of a mirror bright, since all is void, where can the dust alight? He was illiterate. He couldn't write. He had another monk write on the temple wall for him. And of course, this young nobody was Huineng, who became the sixth patriarch. Now, Huineng wrote of the emptiness of form, of practice. That was missing from the head monk's stanza. Of course, emptiness is there whether it's written about or not. And Huineng, I felt, drove the point home that the head monk had overlooked that.

[37:06]

I think the two stanzas complement one another. The relative and the absolute, form and emptiness. As we chant every day in the Heart Sutra, form is emptiness, emptiness is form. Sometimes, as we immerse ourselves in the relative world, really immerse ourselves in the relative world, where we lose sight that everything is empty of own being, of impermanence. We need to come back to that. As I said before, sometimes we become trapped by the world of form. We forget there is no fixed, permanent, independent self that's producing our stories, which are themselves of own being. Sometimes we become so attached to our stories, I become so attached, stuck in them, our ego becomes mired in its own stories. The point we can't sleep, the point we commit suicide, the mind holds fast to the mirage it's created. I'm reminded of Pete Seeger's phrasing for my own metaphor when he sang in that anti-Vietnam song, way steep in the big muddy, but the big fool said to push on.

[38:16]

Of course the Big Muddy for you young ones was Vietnam, the Big Fool was Lyndon Baines Johnson. But for us, for me, the Big Muddy is this ego is the Big Fool in the images. So washing my bowl is to meet myself wherever I am, whatever I do, wherever I go, by doing thoroughly one activity at a time. Everything is included, nothing is excluded, nothing! This is to directly experience activity, no separation. Activity is not perceived as a subject-object opposition, as a duality. When riding my bike, I'm just riding my bike, and the bike is riding me. Just riding. Riding. And each moment is just this. This. As Dogen Zenji says in his Genjo Koan, to carry the self forward and illuminate the myriad dharmas is delusion. That myriad dharmas come forth and illuminate the self

[39:18]

is enlightenment. Nishiyari Bokusan in his commentary on Dogen Zenji's Genjokan says, When we fully experience the myriad dharmas, the self drops off spontaneously. However, ordinarily the self and myriad dharmas are seen as subject and object, and dualistic views are employed. When having a meal, you thoroughly become a meal. forgetting yourself in the meal. This is to forget the self. There is no self outside of the Buddha Dharma. There is no Buddha Dharma outside of the self. The Buddha Dharma is no other than the self. Friends, as head student during practice period, during work periods, it is a tradition that the work leader assigns the head student to clean the bathrooms. to clean the toilet bowls, the wash bowls.

[40:19]

I did so today with Jez's help. There's nothing special about it. It's very ordinary. It's just doing the next thing and the next thing. There's much opportunity for me to wash my bowl, to meet Buddhadharma, to meet myself in just this I think I'll end with that. Thank you. Sojin Roshi, would you care to make a comment? When you poke a sleeping dragon with a stick, you never know when he's going to... Here's a gun! So true, Jake has finally stood up while sitting down.

[41:20]

Ross? Thank you, Joe. So Eka offered his arm to Bodhidharma, and you have offered your arm to us today. Thank you very much for your talk. And I wonder, how do you wash a bowl with one hand? You didn't watch me today. Very easily. Just don't think about it. Katherine? Very many thanks. There were so many points where you're sharing, honestly, those moments of glorious imperfection. resonated. And in particular, you mentioned intervening mind. And that's one I really struggle with. I have a part of me I call Miss Fix It. And that's such a passion for rescue and repair. Let's go into business together.

[42:27]

I'll slap your hand, because we can crash when we go to the sick mall. And I wonder if you have anything to say about how you can work with that. I mean, not trying to prevent it because you can't, but when you're in it and you feel it, what happens? Oh, thank you for your question. Because it is a big part of my self-creating mind. And one thing I say to myself, let things fall apart. I first heard Hosan Sensei use this. And I thought, yes, Jake, let things fall apart. But as Walter knows, we backpack and Co and Paul and others, sometimes you don't let things fall apart. There's a time to intervene and a time not to. And as to a hair's breadth deviation, you are out of tune. So it's to be attuned to that hair's breadth deviation. And no rules about how to decide in that moment when you're agonizing, do I do it? That's right. In terms of that ball and intervening and catching the ball, Ron, my friend, manager, talked about it afterwards.

[43:36]

And we said, you know, Just let the dang guy have a trip. It's better than cracking heads. It wasn't time to intervene with that ball. Yes? If you hadn't intervened with that ball and cracked heads, maybe you might not have had it. It almost sounds like you had a near-death experience. You looked up, and all the faces were looking down. And you couldn't respond to them. He went to the light again at the top for a second. And so you did get a chance in your imperfection to have a near-death experience. Now you're just laughing and falling asleep. That's right. No, you're right about that. There was the impact. I realized there was a sudden flash. I must have hit Ron. Next thing I knew, I was snowing the grass. I broke his phone. Oh, by the way, my ear was hanging. And they glued it back on. Dr. Hurt glued it back on.

[44:36]

But the thing is, I've had other near-death experiences. But each one is different. And you like cats. Yeah, just like that. Linda, your hand is to me. Hi. You're a lot of fun. You are, too. I know, so I'm going to take up this problem we both have. So in 1975, at the San Francisco Zen Center, I had had about one year of very fervent life or death practice, I thought. And then I got this fellowship to go to India and get my PhD work done. And I was taking up repeatedly at the dinner table, should I give it all up and just be a Zen student with gesture? And I went over this so many times, because I thought I was going to be a great star in the academic world or whatever.

[45:44]

And if I gave it all up, it would be so incredible. After hearing this for I don't know which how many times, Philip Whelan was sitting at the table with me. And he said, we just finished dinner. And he said, Linda, stop your opera. And go wash your hands. You know, I'm still fond of the entertaining aspects of my opera and yours. Any wise words for me? Well, I think you should be operatic whenever you darn well please. But even though that's perfect, remember there's a little room for improvement. Me too. And I see that Dawn is reminding us it's time to wash our bowl outside.

[46:46]

One last question, Walter, and I will do a Q&A afterwards at 11.30 if you want to. Walter, last question. Jake, it's been a pleasure to serve on the board with you these past six years, and I wanted you to make some mention about that experience as it relates to all you've been talking about, because there's so many difficult things that we dealt with and all sorts of opportunities for opera and letting go. Talk about that a little bit, please. Well, first of all, another condition. I love being on the board. I know a lot of people, maybe not, but I do. So to me, it reminds me of teaching. All the little things going on, and planning, and calendars, meetings, it's kind of part of a classroom. And I really now feel in my bones that, you know, no matter what you're doing, that's you, that's it, that's it.

[47:53]

So, I like the board. I'm enjoying it. I really like, I will say, I really like, I may embarrass, I don't care, I really like working with Jerry and Paul and David before and all the members. You know, Andrew, and Colleen, and Veronica, and Ed, and Shelly, who haven't I mentioned? Ron. Ron. Where is Ron? Can I say something? Yeah. And Hozon, and Sojin, and Marie. Maria Winston, our secretary. So this is like, if you're asked to be on the board, to be a candidate for the board, Don't turn it down, because you don't know how much fun you're going to have. And even when it's not fun, it's fun. And with that, thank you.

[48:37]

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