I vow to taste the truth no matter what the darkness lurks. If you remember, in the last newsletter, We printed a selection from Suzuki Roshi's talk. He's talking about why we use the kisaku, why we hit each other with a stick. He was saying, when you hit with the stick, there's, at that moment, bam, everything disappears.

[01:05]

There's no thought and no, our present even though nothing changes, even though everything is still the same, there's a transformation if we do it well. So when we talk about sleep, sleeping in zazen, there are various forms of sleep. One form of sleep is this. Another form of sleep is even though you seem to be awake, you're really asleep, in that we're not paying attention.

[02:06]

Some thought is coming up into our mind, and our attention is not on our posture, or not on our breath. And that's another kind of sleep. And we do that a lot. It's called daydreaming. So daydreaming is kind of in between sleep and awake. We may be awake to the dream. But if we're awake to the dream, that means that we see the dream as it is, as a dream. Being caught by the dream or being enveloped by the dream, and not being aware of where we are, what we're doing. That's a kind of sleep. So, where we have, in Zazen and in Sashin, during Sashin, it's easy to fall into various slumber patterns.

[03:19]

So we use the kiyosaku. Someone carries the stick around. And it's to help us, to wake us up to this moment. Help wake us up to the reality of this moment. And so when one person is hit, everybody wakes up. So the sound of the stick is very important. When you use the stick, what you listen for is the sound. If the sound is very crisp and clean, then it feels right. You feel it here. It feels just right. And you wake up into a new world, and everybody else wakes up into a new world.

[04:27]

And we start all over again. So we're continually starting all over again. Looks like our zazen is, or the moments of our zazen are continuous, but each moment is each moment is a separate piece of time, and each moment's activity is its own special time activity. If we can sit Zazen with that attitude, that every moment's activity and each piece of time is not part of a continuum, but is quite unique, then we can... that settings us in its true sense.

[05:40]

Otherwise we say, oh, we're just doing this over and over. It's doing the same thing over and over. Just sitting all day or sitting for 40 minutes, it's just the same thing over and over. But if we can really bring to life each moment's activity and experience activity, then there's just birth and death continually arising and falling away on each moment. Each moment we come to life on a new moment. So the deeper our attention to our activity, the more alive our zazen becomes.

[07:25]

and the less we need because we can be so satisfied with each moment we need less and less to satisfy us and we can be quite happy with our lives So the importance of the stick is that it helps us to wake up to each moment because our tendency is always to fall off. Very hard to stay really awake in that sense for very long. Yasutani Roshi used to describe Shikantaza which is, I guess we can say, seamless sitting or completely concentrated sitting without a koan

[09:04]

using some idea. He said, the concentration is so great that if you sit that way for 30 minutes, you should break out into a sweat. We don't use his definition, but it's an interesting definition. He's talking about a lot of really concentrated effort We usually talk about Shikantaza in a more broad way, in a broader way than that. But it's an interesting way to describe concentrated sitting. You can't do it for too long, so we really need help. And especially since we don't have a kind of focal point.

[10:18]

Where is the focal point in Dzogchen? What is it that keeps you awake? What is it that keeps your mind anchored and alert? Well, first is posture. Just bear attention on posture. maintaining the right posture. Because our posture is continually changing, it looks like our posture is, when we sit, that that's it and don't move. But actually, your body's changing. Five minutes later, your body's changed into a little different configuration. And then five minutes later, it's changed again. So if you just set yourself in some way too rigid, thinking that you shouldn't move, you make the mistake of rigidity.

[11:25]

Most people do this in Dzogchen, make the mistake of sitting in a very rigid manner. Although we sit up straight, Very straight, more straight than you usually sit in your whole lifetime. And make a big effort. Still, you shouldn't be stiff because your body's changing. And as you see it change, you bring it back. So your body's always getting a little bit out of line. It's always falling a little bit out of balance. So you have to keep bringing your body into balance, part by part. So during zazen, you check all the points of your posture, one by one. Go over all the points of your posture. Is the mudra right? Is the back straight? Is your head aligned? Teeth aligned?

[12:30]

And over and over you go, you check. And if it's not, right, then you make it right. You can do this during exhaustion. So, if you're too stiff, you can't do that. And the stiffer you are, the more your body gets out of line. As your body becomes more and more tense and stiff, it starts to bend in some way. And when I check your posture, mostly, you're very stiff. Move your arms. That's not the way to sit Zazen. Zazen is a way of aligning all the parts of our body, harmonizing all the parts of our body in a soft way. It's not a clenched fist.

[13:39]

You really have an open hand and a circle. Mudra is like the barometer of our zazen. It shows us what our state of mind and body is. So we keep a nice round mudra. And the thumbs are just very lightly touching. When you find your thumbs pressing in on each other, That means that you're getting very tense. Your mind is getting tense because your body, maybe you have pain in your legs or something, so you start pushing in. And this pushing in is a reaction to discomfort. So instead of pushing in, you let go. It's a very important point in Zazen. to keep reminding yourself not to be tense because tension will creep in there it's bound to creep in because the natural reaction to discomfort is to tense up and then your breath starts getting short and you start breathing in your chest

[15:05]

So you have to continually remember to keep letting go. And it's the opposite of your reaction. So when you look at your mudra, you don't look at it, but you feel it. Feel your thumbs getting tightened, your biceps are getting tightened, your forearms are getting tightened, your shoulders are tensing. This is a common reaction. You won't fall down. It doesn't help. This doesn't help. It just makes you more tense, and the pain becomes ten times or a hundred times more than it actually is. It may hurt. Your leg may hurt, but if you, instead of tensing, let go. Let go means just open yourself up.

[16:09]

Just let it be there. Open yourself up. Then your whole body will take care of it. You have to let your whole body share what's happening to you. If you close off, then you tend to localize the difficulty. But If you allow your whole body to share what's happening, you have to harmonize all the parts. And it's kind of like a balloon. If the balloon is flabby, it has lots of little parts to it. Little creases and folds and valleys and so forth.

[17:12]

If you blow it up fully, It's all one piece. There's no one part that stands out any more than another. And your whole body is completely sharing itself. Even though there are these parts, it's one whole being, one whole body and mind. So this is what we look for in zazen, what we aim at in zazen. If you continue to do that, even though you may get distracted from time to time, we have lots of distraction, still you know where to focus and you know what to do. So at the same time that we're putting effort into sitting up straight,

[18:17]

We're also relaxing, letting go of the tenseness that we don't need. You just feel it draining out your shoulders. Feel the tenseness drain out your shoulders. You don't need... It doesn't matter. You don't need these to hold you up. They don't do anything. Your arms aren't doing anything. They're just there. But they do have a place. And so we hold them in place. And the mudra has a place, and we hold it in place. So we harmonize all the parts of the body around the center, which is here. And constantly find our balance. Constantly come back to correct posture and balance. That's it. We're always working on it. During Zazen, always working on that. So you don't lose consciousness of body.

[19:24]

And when you have good posture, when you feel comfortable or secure in your postures, then you can start watching your breath. The rising and falling of your lower abdomen. When it rises, inhale. This is exhaling. And just watch it. Just let your mind follow the breath. There's no need to control your breathing. But it's hard, because when you focus on your breath, you become self-conscious of your breath. And then you don't know whether you're controlling it or not. But to allow your mind to become subtle enough to follow your breathing without controlling it takes some good concentration and a real letting go.

[20:38]

And you can have that as a goal to let you see how you can let your mind follow breath without controlling it. And in the same way, you let your mind follow the pain in your legs without controlling anything. Just follow the pain. Don't try to do something about it. Don't try to control it. Just let it be. And eventually you'll be able to sit comfortably, even if you have difficulty. But it's important to make a big effort in the beginning, especially in the beginning, for the first five or ten years.

[21:54]

I'm not kidding. For the first couple of years, for, while you're finding your posture, to make a very hard effort, you have to, in order to find the true harmony of your body and mind. And every time we sit zazen, that's our focus. There's no advanced practice. Sometimes people talk about advanced practice, but there's no advanced practice. Every time we sit, we begin again. Advanced means always coming back to the beginning.

[22:57]

There is an advanced practice, but it's not what you think it would be. We're all doing the same practice. Some of you may have been sitting for a year, and I've been sitting for 20 years or so. Same practice. We're all doing the same thing. Well, let's continue with our questions. If you have any questions from this morning.

[24:12]

Did you start with your question? Oh, I did. You did that? Yeah, it was different. It kind of didn't play. The Kyusaku? How? Yes. Someone carried the Kyusaku during Zazen. And when they... If you want to be hit with it, then when they come up behind you, you put your hands in Gassho and lean over like this. lean over to the left so that they can hit you on the shoulder just right. Since we're sitting up, most people are sitting on the tan, you know.

[25:13]

If you're sitting on the tan, it's good not to lean over too much because if you lean over too much, you know, you can't reach up that high to get you. So just lean over a little bit. And sometimes the person with the stick will position you. So to make it easier, you know, if you're leaning over too hot, too far. And then we'll put the stick on your shoulder. And it should be right between your shoulder blade and your vertebrae. So that they hit the fleshy part here. And if you have big ears, pin them back. No. The person with the stick puts the kiyosaka right on that place and looks for it. And then, bam, hits you. And then you lean over the other side, still with your hands in gassho, and he'll put the stick, bam, and then you bow to each other.

[26:24]

If you're wearing a lot of padding in the cold mornings, it's not as effective. But the person with the stick tries to get a good sound. There's something very vital about that. And everything disappears. No stick, no you. That's the best. Wake up. It doesn't really hurt that much. We don't hit for punishment. Sometimes it hurts. If it does, then you have to deal with what comes up. You know, you may get anger, get angry at so-and-so. But like all things, it kind of fades in a few minutes, and then you forgot that anything happened. Hopefully.

[27:33]

If you're still bearing that, you know, then at some point you can talk to the person after Sashin, maybe. Say, you know, I don't like the way you hit me. Or if there's somebody that's not hitting very well, you can go talk to the Sashin director. You can say, every time Joe Blow carries a stick, they hit me in the ear or in the neck or something like that, in the shoulder. And then the station director can talk to that person. But we try to make it accurate, as accurate as we can. So even if somebody does hit you the wrong way, and you get angry, try not to hang on to that anger. I know for some people that we act as violence.

[28:41]

That's just a thought. I wonder if you could talk about the compassionate side of it. Well, we do it out of compassion, anyway. And if it's not, then we should stop. But some people are very sensitive to that. I remember the first time I was in the Zendo, And I heard this and I thought, I wonder why they're beating on the floor with a stick. Couldn't figure out what, you know, what they've been doing. And then it was a little, I was a little surprised to find out what was going on, but then, you know, I just accepted it and realized the value of it. But some people are very sensitive and if you don't want to be hit, then you shouldn't be hit. But some people are very sensitive to other people being it. And it's something that you just have to deal with.

[29:45]

Some people associate it with violence. But when you get used to it, I think that you understand why we do it. Hopefully you can deal with that. But in some zendos, people get hit when they sleep. But we don't do that. We don't hit you in this. People don't sleep in this zendo like they do other places. Although they sleep, they can sleep sitting up straight. It's OK. They're very good at it. But, you know, in a lot of them the people are like this. I'm probably the only one that does that here. You said that for those that are not instructed, that noise should perhaps be known back to a kind of a witness.

[30:57]

It's interesting that the concentration is so deep that should you not be disturbed, should you be so deeply concentrated that it wouldn't be disturbing. For me, I find it intrusion, the noise I've gotten over the feeling of violence, and I don't know what to say about it, but I find it a great distraction from my own concentration. Yeah. But if you're really concentrated, you make a mental note. I mean, not thinking, but there's a bump, you know? an acknowledgment of something happened and it's very clear and full, but if you're very concentrated in Zazen and there's some big jolt or sound or something, you won't jump.

[31:59]

I know, I'm talking about jumping, but it's not a disturbance, it's just something that happens. And it's very satisfying that there's a complete recognition of that, but no reaction to it. You don't react to it in deep samadhi. Although you respond, there's a response. But there's not a reaction. And some people are just very sensitive. You know, you can't please everybody. Just as a presenter, there should be one place in the world where you can come and be assured of deep silence. Well, you can never be assured of anything. And... We have zendos in the country and zendos in the city.

[33:01]

And zendos in the country are more quiet, except they're birds. We can't turn off the birds, but those are pleasant sounds. But in the city we have trucks and guns and Screaming and so forth. Airplanes. And to be able to sit with that is important. That's the practice in the city's endo. Is to be able to sit with all the so-called disturbance without being disturbed. I'm sorry for him.

[34:18]

Well, if you feel that you really need it, then you should use it. If you don't, if in doubt, you know, don't worry about it. You didn't have to extend compassion to the person carrying the stick. They're doing okay by just walking. That's their zazen. When you're carrying the stick, you're doing zazen. It doesn't matter if you hit anybody or not. You're not really out there to stalk. I remember in Paso Hara years ago, we used to have stalkers because we used to hit people with them when they were sleeping. And one guy was And then somebody pulled him over one day, and that was the end of that.

[35:24]

He got a mistake and pulled him over. Don't worry about it. It's okay. You don't have to be here. Only if you feel like it. If you feel... Okay. But otherwise, just let it go. Also, it's... Not too good to be hit too many times. Sometimes people want to be hit a lot. It can be a kind of massage of perversity, kind of building up too much of a taste for it. Dependency. So you have to be careful about that. If somebody wants it two or three times while you're walking by, He can ignore them on maybe the third pass or something. Oh? It's time to stop. Okay. Well, there's a lot of stuff to deal with in Zazen and a lot to talk about, so I'll continue later.

[36:36]

Now I have service. Things are numberless...

[36:49]

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