I vow to taste the truth of the darkest works. Good morning. This morning marks, today's one day sitting marks the beginning of our five week practice period. And so I wanted to talk about practice period a little bit. Originally, in India, the monks would wander a good part of the year and then during the monsoon season, they would gather in a vihara and spend three months living together and practicing together in a, formal way, more formal way.

[01:02]

And this tradition still holds today in monastic practice, in Zen monastic practice. In America, we have a situation in which lay people or people who live at home and work in the world are practicing in a very sincere and diligent way in a way that I don't think happens anyplace else in the world. And we practice throughout the year, sitting zazen daily and having sashin and so forth.

[02:09]

And once a year, at least here, we have a practice period but it cannot be the same as the Ango of the Indian Buddhists, or even of a residential center like Zen Center. So we have to accommodate. In order to have a period of intensified practice, we have to adjust our practice to the reality of our lives. But it's still possible to do. So we've been doing this for many years now. I like to think of it as a renewal of our practice. We go through the year and

[03:14]

daily practice and once a year to have a, to look at our practice, to look at what we're doing and to make an effort to do something together that rejuvenates or renews our practice. It gives us a kind of bump, you know, a kind of push so that we don't become complacent. So what I ask people to do is to design a practice that fits with your life. Everyone designs their own practice for the practice period. And as I said before, to participate in the practice period, the desire is to do all the activities, but you can't do all the activities.

[04:23]

Some people can, some people can do everything, but most people can't, and everyone has a different approach due to your time and other responsibilities. So for someone, just to add another period of Zazen would be to really push their lives. For someone else who is practicing the whole, who is already sitting Zazen all the time, it may not be such a big deal, which is okay, but there is a way to intensify your practice, even if you're doing that. and I'll go into that. The main thing about practice is commitment. You may sit Zazen, you may be sitting Zazen over a period of five years, but you just do it when you feel like it.

[05:31]

That's a kind of practice, but it's not yet really integrated practice. Integrated practice is where you put on your calendar the times that you're going to sit zazen at the zendo and at home. And then when that time comes, you do it. It doesn't matter how you feel or what else is knocking on your door. That's what you do. That way, your practice comes from your intention. and not just from your feelings. And when your practice comes from your intentions, it becomes integrated with your life. When you go to work, you don't decide which days to go. Some people do, but sometimes you have that situation.

[06:36]

But for most people, it's time to go to work, and you just go to work. So for Zazen, it's the same thing. When it's time to sit, you just sit. It doesn't matter that you don't feel like it or do feel like it because zazen is not dependent on your feelings or how you feel about it. Otherwise, it's not zazen. So design a schedule for yourself for the practice period, that the commitment is for yourself. You don't have to make a commitment to me or to anybody else. The commitment is for yourself. And when everybody makes their own commitment and practices together, then there's a very strong supportive practice.

[07:38]

Everyone's supporting each other's practice. So not only do we have our individual practice, but our practice supports the practice of everyone else. If it doesn't support the practice of everyone else, it's not zazen. It's not zazen in our school. Because practice is not just an individual thing. So, when you make the commitment to yourself, it's not just Zazen, it's a commitment to practicing together with each other. your life, your daily life and your practice are not two things.

[08:47]

Then Zazen is not just something that you do extra. When Zazen is the basis or practice is the basis of your life, then it's truly Zazen. But if it's just another activity, a nice one, it's not yet integrated in your life. So, back and forth, you know, from practicing Zazen, or practicing at the Zendo, and entering your daily life, back and forth, back and forth, that's what practice is. So, practice period gives us an opportunity to make a commitment. and to remind ourself of what our practice is. Some people have a hard time making commitment and our lives are very busy.

[09:56]

So you have to be able to define carefully what your degree of practice is. If you do, if you, If your enthusiasm is too great and you over-schedule yourself, then you get discouraged. And if you under-schedule yourself, you don't have much pressure. So you have to design it so that it really fits with your life. And that's a model for how to practice all the time. The model for how to practice all the time is to continue to define what your degree of attendance is at Zazen. And you should do that once a month, unless your life is so steady that it's not a problem.

[11:07]

But often people get overenthusiastic and then at some point they find that they're struggling and they can't make their commitment and then they get discouraged and quit. So you always have to keep adjusting, continually adjusting so that your practice and your activities harmonize. And that's practice. basis of practice in this situation. So, given that, one thing that I find helpful for a practice period is to Have a secret practice.

[12:15]

Secret practice means something that you don't talk about to other people, but it's something that you want to focus on or become aware of. I have a list of suggestions. So here is my list of suggestions. To become aware of certain aspects of your personality which people have told you is offensive. or which you may have noticed is lacking or too much of something or too little of something, right? So, a good time to become aware and practice with this one thing.

[13:20]

In a Buddhist meditation practice, you know, there's a whole list of practices which looks overwhelming, but usually a person would take one of those and practice with it at a time. One thing is opinionatedness. Sometimes we have a tendency to throw out our opinion on every subject. Some people more than others. So when you find that you're expressing, there's two things. One is expressing an opinion, which everyone should be able to do, you know, free country. Express your opinion. But then there's opinionatedness. And opinionatedness is a little different. Opinionatedness is where you always have to express an opinion on everything.

[14:24]

So when you find that you're always expressing an opinion on everything, think, do I need to do that? Why am I doing that? Why is that coming up? And then you can kind of hold back and listen to what everyone else has to say first. I think a good practice is to listen to what everyone else has to say before you say anything. And then express your opinion. if you're the kind of person that is opinionated. And then another one is the practice of taking over, which is related to opinionatedness, but it's like you come into a situation and you immediately take over. To be aware of that tendency. Another tendency is to retreat, to never express your opinion, to never say anything, to be kind of recalcitrant and let everybody else do something but you don't do anything until you have to.

[15:43]

So notice when that comes up and to allow yourself to participate. or to voice, allow your voice to be heard. And to be aware when that, of that tendency. And I think awareness and mindfulness is enough. If you, like how many times a day, you can mark that down, how many times a day has this happened? and then you begin to get some picture of how you can work on this. Another one is criticizing, always criticizing. I think it'd be a very good idea to mark down how many times a day you criticize something or someone. That's a very good practice.

[16:47]

Another one is making value judgments. Oh, this is good. That's bad. Oh, he's terrible. Oh, she stinks. You know, things like this. Another one is gossip. How often we just say something just because we can't keep our mouth shut. So when you find that you're going to say something that doesn't have any relevance to the situation or doesn't really mean much to... And then there's people with the inability to say yes. You can never say yes to anything. And to notice, why can't I say yes? Oh, I can't say yes again this time. Then there are the people who cannot say no.

[17:51]

Well, maybe I should say no. So to notice when this comes up, if you have that tendency. Of course, these things come up in all of us, but some of us have these tendencies. And then there's the awareness of habitual behavior in general. I always do this. I always do, you know, how I'm always reacting this way. And when you find yourself reacting that way, without judging it, to just notice, this is Buddhist meditation practice. We say that, you know, Dogen says, Zazen contains all the meditation practices. It's not a meditation practice. But it contains all the meditation practices.

[18:58]

And therefore, often people don't practice meditation practices because they practice Zazen. But I think it's good to practice various meditation practices. as well, and one at a time. And you can just look at what your tendencies are and notice how these things come up. And to be mindful and aware and notice without trying to do anything, without judging it, to just say, this is happening. This is happening. This is happening. And notice how many times it happens. And being aware enough to catch it when it happens. Because you know it's happening. But, you know, we just tend to go on, right?

[20:03]

So to really make the effort to catch it. And then, The beginning is to just be able to notice and then you can begin to let go little by little. I remember we used to smoke and we used to smoke at, there was a time when, Almost everybody at Zen Center was smoking, because people smoked in the 60s and the 50s and way out back. And in the 70s is when we all stopped smoking. Most people stopped smoking at Zen Center. But up until the 70s, most of us smoked.

[21:07]

And I remember Suzuki Roshi was very patient. He never said, you should stop smoking. But he said, when you smoke, you should just smoke. When you smoke, just sit down and take out the cigarette or whatever and smoke it. make it a real, if you're going to smoke, smoke thoroughly and wholeheartedly and just smoke. But he did actually tell me to stop smoking. But you stop when you're ready.

[22:09]

And he knew that you stop when you're ready. You can stop smoking 10 times during your life, but then there comes a final time when you just stop. And only you know when that is. But the awareness is very important. When you do something, do it wholeheartedly if you're going to do it. And then when it's time to stop, you can stop wholeheartedly. Suzuki Roshi talked about this Zen master who loved smoking. And he went up to the top of this mountain And he said it was very misty at the top of the mountain, foggy, a little bit foggy and misty and cool. And I don't know how Suzuki Yoshi knew this, but he said, you know how when it's cool and foggy, how wonderful it is to watch the smoke come out of your mouth, which is true.

[23:16]

He said, and so he went up to the top of the mountain and smoked a cigarette. And he said, this is so wonderful. that I'm not gonna ever do it again. So anyway, there are mysterious ways that we take care of our habitual, our habits and disagreeable tendencies. But the first part, the main thing is awareness. to just be aware of how you are and what you're doing. Another one that you can deal with is health problems. If you have some health problem that you ignore, to be aware of it. If you have a weight problem

[24:25]

you know, something that you want to take care of, maybe a good time to start taking care of it. And another one is serving people. How you're relating to people and serving. So, you know, there's so many practices which are pointed toward ourself, but then there's practices pointed toward others. which is very important. So maybe you would sign up for the homeless meal or extend yourself in some way beyond what you're already doing as a practice. And there are certainly many ways to do that. when there's also the practice of when you pass a piece of paper laying on the ground to pick it up and put it in the trash can instead of just walking by.

[25:42]

Simple practices. Actually, there are many simple practices that you can do. And another one is to forgive people. for cleaning your slate. We just had the bodhisattva ceremony, which is a good way to begin practice period by acknowledging our karma and renewing our intention. So to think of just maybe one person to forgive is a good practice, or many people. Another one is to apologize. Not to be apologetic, but you know, you know that you offended someone. Who have I offended? And think about how you might acknowledge that. That's very good practice.

[26:50]

It frees you up and makes you feel lighter. And Holding resentments, you know, gives you back problems. So you want to be careful for your own sake. But resentments also gives other people back problems sometimes. Another thing is to study something. To pick out a subject to study. and study it, like maybe before you go to bed to read one chapter of Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, or to study some text that you have wanted to look at but hadn't. There's 10,000 Buddhist books that could be read. So anyway, there's an infinite number of things to be aware of.

[27:58]

And to just pick out one, you can pick out more if you want, but just take one and make it a secret practice, something that you don't share with other people verbally. It's like at the end of the Jewel Mirror Samadhi, To have a secret practice, like a fool or an idiot, look like a fool or an idiot, and working secretly like a fool or an idiot, if you can do this continuously, this is called the host within the host, or the consummation of practice, is to just do practice in your inside.

[29:09]

Integrate your practice. So you allow people to be aware of your faults. and you conceal your good points. So, this is the spirit of practice period, to really make an effort to practice without killing yourself, you know, without, abandoning your family and leaving your work, stuff like that, to just integrate your practice, to integrate your life with Zazen. That's how we do this kind of practice. So that there's not two things, your life and your practice.

[30:18]

they should harmonize with each other. And this is how we do that. And this is a kind of study period to really make that work so that it will help you next year during the whole year until we have another practice period. And to keep keep that in mind or keep it working throughout the year. Do you have any questions? Yes. Ross? Well, that's the other side.

[31:35]

So I have a suggestion for that. Well, to have one practice that you can talk about and another one that you don't talk about. Also, Richard Haefeli is going to be our shuso, head student for the practice period. Raise your hand, Richard. And Shuso, of course, traditionally sets an example for practice and is on the spot, so to speak. And Shuso will try to help everyone. So I encourage you to go sign up for tea with him. And he'll be having teas quite often. And share your practice with him.

[32:37]

And Richard said to me, but when I asked him to be Juso, he said, but I don't know anything about Buddhism. He's been practicing since 1968. Not 74. 74? 1974? And he said, I don't know anything about Buddhism. So, neither do I. So, find out what he means by that. I think that's his big, wonderful koan. Do you have any other questions? Yes. I've been noticing when I do this work with finding a flaw, and there are plenty of them, so I can just pick one anytime, and start practicing with it.

[33:48]

As you say, there's a paradox that if I slip at all into being judgmental, it becomes very difficult to let myself acknowledge what's happening. if I can be enormously forgiving as I go into it, I have more chance that I'll actually start noticing and be aware. And I'm wondering if you could talk a little more about that little problem of practicing with something we recognize as a flaw when it makes us feel bad that we have this flaw. Well, first you notice this is, I don't know about flaw, but this is this. This is this tendency. And then you notice this is my judgment. So that's another awareness. That's just another awareness. This is judgment. This is the tendency. This is the judgment. This is, what was the third one? Oh, forgiveness. This is forgiveness.

[34:49]

Because if you're going to forgive anybody, you might as well forgive yourself. So you have three practices in one already. Just keep noticing everything. Just everything becomes a subject of awareness, without exception. And so, yes, one thing leads to another, leads to another, leads to another, and then that's called investigation. You keep investigating. This is the problem. This is the judgment. This is how you take care of it. And you can follow that step, step, step, step. And that's what opens it up. And the important part is without judgment.

[35:53]

Because as soon as the judgment comes in, then there's discrimination. And, you know, it's important to judge things, but it's also important to just see without discrimination. Because as soon as discrimination comes in, there's an opinion, or there's a... attachment or it makes into something else. So just to be able to see clearly without discriminating is the most important thing. Brian? You talked about being able to go back and forth between your everyday life and between your practice and integrate those, something like that.

[37:01]

And when, you know, I'm doing everyday life or whatever, it's not so much that moment by moment, noticing this, noticing that, but it's kind of more like, right now it's the middle of the day, automatic pilot, check in, you know, after suffering, this is how the day was, something like that. Well, in other words, is that moment by moment identification something you should do all day long, or is that actually kind of getting in the way at a certain point of living your life? You should know what you're doing all the time. In other words, we have our goals and we have our work and so forth, and we're focused always on what to do next and where it's going and all this, but then there's the focus of just where we are at the same time. And the focus of just where I, just near here now, this, that's practice. I'll work on it.

[38:07]

Okay. You talked in the beginning about commitment being very important to practice and doing zazen, for instance, whether you feel like it or not. And then later you talk about smoking and said you quit when you're ready. You know, in between those two, it's very easy to get lost. It's easy to get lost. Yeah. And so when you get lost, you get lost. I tried to make a commitment to you for one week recently. It's one week that I would sit by a certain time every morning And I did it for one day. And I've been practicing since 1974, too. Well, just notice, today I didn't sit.

[39:09]

And don't judge it. Commitment, the word commitment sort of just dissolves one's look. But if you just acknowledge, today I didn't sit, and then tomorrow, today I didn't sit, keep acknowledging that, and at some point, I think you'll start sitting. Every day you acknowledge, this I didn't do, this I did do, this I didn't do, this I did do. Try that. The other thing you can do is just, what else can you do? What else can I do? Well, you can ask, why am I not sitting?

[40:21]

Why am I not keeping my commitment? Well, it's usually a big trap for me. It is, but, you know, there's a reason. It's helpful to try to zero in on what is happening when I do or don't That's what's happening here, right? Keep looking. Sue? Well, I really appreciate what you've just said and the fact that you brought that up. It seems to me it's such a valuable place to look at resignation, when I resign, when I'm hopeless. Practice food is a good opportunity to do that. There's so many places where I've given up, or I can't stand to look at it, or it's just too uncomfortable.

[41:27]

And being able to notice it shifts things. It generates some, I don't know, options, I guess. Some aliveness and some energy. I don't know, well-being is his problem. So, I think resignation and hopelessness are very valuable. Hopelessness is okay. There's no hope. You might as well resign yourself to Zazen. I think it's just about time to quit, but, Debra? I just, taking all this in, I just turned 50 last month, and it was a formidable marker, and what I noticed is I have a lot less patience for not doing the stuff that really matters, which I've been building up to for a long time, and the stuff that really matters

[42:40]

like love and Buddhism, are incredibly challenging. And on the little scale, what I notice that is really irritating are all that stuff you talked about in the beginning, the mind habits, and I identify with every single one, you know, opinions and judgments, the whole thing, and very aware of it. And I feel like the only thing to come back to over and over and over is my breath. in there that makes sense and really matters, to interrupt it as much as I can. That's all I can do, really, at this point, but it helps you guys to turn 50. For those of you who haven't yet. I can hardly remember. I'm not even in my third trimester yet. Getting to what really matters, and knowing that there's just so much that doesn't.

[43:49]

Yeah, well our lives get very busy, you know, and we have to do this and we have to do that, and then we've got to go down there somewhere. So, that's why it has to be a priority in your life, otherwise you can't do it, because your life would just wash it all away.

[44:11]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ