And feel your feet on the ground. And settle your mind on your breath for a moment. Thank you. So I want to talk about two versions of a famous Zen story, which many of you are probably familiar with. The first version I'm going to tell was I read very early on and much before, long before I took up Zen in the book 101 Zen Stories by

[01:03]

Paul Reps and Yogan Senzaki, that was, remains in print, published by Tuttle in the 50s, I think. And the second version is something that really caught my attention because we read it, at a resident meeting this week. So in resident meeting, at the end of our resident meetings, we've been slowly just reading short passages from this, there's a forthcoming new collection of Suzuki Roshi lectures that Sochen was working on with Jiryu at Green Gulch. And so we have a rough manuscript of these edited texts.

[02:05]

And this was one of the texts that we read at the end of our meetings for like five minutes. And it's a different take on the same story and perhaps a different source, I'm not sure. So this first version in the Rep's Senzaki book is called Eating the Blame. And Aiken Roshi quotes this story. He uses it as an object lesson in his excellent book on the precepts, Mind of Clover. So as I said, this is case 69 or chapter 69 in the Rep. Senzaki book. At the monastery of... Fugai Eikon. And Fugai was a pretty famous Soto Zen teacher in 17th century Japan.

[03:12]

He was a master painter and poet. Anyway, at the monastery of Fugai Eikon, ceremonies delayed preparation of the noon meal. So when they were over the ceremonies, the cook took up his sickle and hurriedly gathered vegetables from the garden. In his haste, he lopped off part of a snake and unaware that he had done so, threw it in the soup pot with the vegetables. At the meal, the monks thought they had never tasted such delicious soup. But the Roshi himself found something remarkable in his bowl. Summoning the cook, he held up the head of the snake and demanded, what is this?

[04:19]

The cook took the morsel, saying, oh, thank you, Roshi, and immediately ate it, ate it, eating the blame. Aiken Roshi writes, this teaches us how to use a challenge and not to be used by it in the ordinary way. What would an ordinary reply have been? Oh, the ceremonies went on so long that I had to hurry to prepare dinner. I didn't notice that I had part of the snake in the soup. Please excuse me. But the cook in our story, had nothing to defend. He did not for one moment take the Roshi's challenge as an accusation. He took the matter from there and gave everyone a wonderful teaching. All of us, I think, have had similar experiences, perhaps not so dramatic.

[05:34]

as lopping off the head of a snake and serving it to the roji. But I will say my first, I've told this story before, my first, the first meal that I cooked by myself at Tassahara in a practice period in 1985, all the cooks for this small practice period Each one of us had a day to cook by ourselves. We were alone in the kitchen. And I was very inexperienced. And I cooked among the things. I don't remember what the third bowl was. The first bowl was oatmeal. No. The first bowl was polenta. And the second bowl was some kind of... custardy souffle that was made out of, the recipe said, beat 200 egg whites until stiff.

[06:39]

I had never done anything like this. So I'm there alone in the dark and it's like I'm working like crazy on this custard and I'm totally ignoring the polenta. which I had never cooked before. So I didn't know what the propensities of polenta were. So by the time the meal was served, the servers came in and they just were watching me completely frantic. I had no idea what this dish, the egg dish was supposed to even be like. Meanwhile, the polenta set up like cement. And we had this, this formless gelatinous custard. And, you know, it was, it was just, I was overwhelmed. But I appreciate the spirit that I had, the spirit I had was, this is ridiculous.

[07:52]

And I've done what I could. I remember going in the Zendo and the server came up. The server always serves like the teacher first. So they came up to Sojin, who was the teacher, and he was looking in the second bowl and, you know, he was kind of, he was saying, what is this? And there's a service of, I don't know. And That was good. I'm pleased that I handled the challenge. This is what Aiken Roshi says. How do you handle challenge? You have two options. One is to defend and the other is to dance. There are many kinds of defense. To accuse the other, to excuse oneself, or simply to stand mute.

[08:58]

In any case, the defense is not a dance. There is no teisho, there is no teaching, no presentation. The dance, too, is of many kinds. Sometimes there is an opportunity, as in this case, to make the whole matter disappear. Just eat the blame. And sometimes you can bundle it up neatly and toss it back. Sometimes a laugh is enough. Certainly we may be sure that this mondo, this Zen exchange ended with a laugh. Sometimes the dance can be a question. What is your opinion or how would you handle it? I really advise finding a way to laugh at ourselves.

[10:05]

To take our mistakes, these kinds of mistakes, to take them lightly and learn. You know, not to laugh like to dismiss them, but to laugh like, well, I guess I'm human and fallible. And this is, there's something I can learn here. And actually, in this case, we are very fortunate. In places in the world, mistakes are made that cause people to lose their lives. Serving the head of a snake in the miso soup or rock-hard polenta is not a fatal mistake.

[11:06]

And so short of injury, harm, and fatality, we should be amused or bemused by our shortcomings and learn from them. So let me share with you Suzuki Roshi's version of basically the same story. I'm sure the source was the same. And this is in a lecture that was given at Tassahara in September of 1967. And the topic of the lecture was patience and anger. And the epigraph says we should not lose our way just because of something which occurs all of a sudden like anger or some feeling between people.

[12:17]

We should always know why we are here. This is the most important point in our practice. We should always remember the purpose of our practice. So he's counterposing patience and anger. And one thing that I always remember the powerful teaching that Laurie and I heard from our friend Santi Caro. Santi Caro was quoting his teacher, Buddhadasa, in Thailand, but Buddhadasa was actually quoting something from the Pali Suttas about patience.

[13:24]

It's this great one-liner. incinerator of defilements. Patience is the incinerator of defilements. In other words, if we can be patient, we can burn up all of our errors, our wrong views, our actions, and So what Suzuki Roshi says, the opposite of patience is anger. The Buddha said that if we become angry, all our virtue will be gone at once. So Suzuki Roshi writes, when we become angry, we lose everything.

[14:25]

We lose the point. You come to Tassajara to study our way, but if you become angry with someone, you will lose your way. You will lose the point of why you came to Tassajara, and you most likely will feel you want to leave Tassajara at once. Five minutes before, you had no idea of going back to San Francisco, but your mind changes all at once. I have to go back to San Francisco. There's no point in being at Tassajara anymore, you may think. You have lost the point already just because of anger. So you know that he wasn't somehow creating this imaginary scenario. This was something that he surely heard from many students frequently and you know how frequently have you or I wanted to run from a situation that was really a situation just at the center of our lives we we couldn't or shouldn't run from but the feelings were so strong that we felt we couldn't bear it

[15:54]

When we become angry, we know how hard it is to stop. It is too late to stop anger when it appears. So constant practice, incessant practice is necessary. And then he goes on to tell stories about cooking where different kinds of conflicts and issues arise. But I just wanted to to touch on this point that he says, it's too late to stop anger when it appears. This may be true. And you may not be able to stop anger, but actually the precept is not to harbor anger, not to harbor ill will. So there are things that make me angry. And there are moments when the anger has regrettably taken over, and I've imposed it on others.

[17:12]

And there's also the learned, the practice side, when anger does arise, when it's already taken, it's already taking shape in body and mind is to be patient with it and step back and see what information it is giving to me. What can I learn from my anger before I just thoughtlessly pass it on to the next person and victimize them by my own suffering? So, I think there's a shift in tone. This was the introduction to the lecture, or the first part of the lecture, but then he tells these stories about cooking. And I think we'll have to, what I think will be interesting to see is how you make the connection.

[18:19]

So he says, there are many interesting stories about the cooks in the kitchen. Tonight, we had something interesting. Do you know what it was? A black thing, like a black stick. We call it in Japan gobo, which is burdock root. It's the root of the plant. It is rather troublesome to cut. So I'll say we often had this, we often had gobo at the monastery in Japan. We had it in soups. Sometimes we had it in a small side dish at meals, very chewy and very earthy tasting, if I recall. Not everybody's favorite thing, but it was fine. Once in a monastery, there was a very good cook, but as he didn't have very much food, it was difficult.

[19:26]

The other students blamed him for being a poor cook, and people wanted him to resign his post. Let someone else take his place, they thought. Then we'll have some good food. So someone found a snake and cut off its head and put it in the miso soup for the master. This is a little different, a different kind of version. Someone was doing it to get this guy kicked out, right? Huh? So as the master was eating, he picked up the head and he called for the cook. What is this? He asked him, picking up the head of the snake. Cook didn't do anything. He just saw something in his master's hand, and he realized that it was the head of the snake.

[20:32]

But the cook wasn't afraid of anything. Let me see what it is, he said, pretending that he didn't understand. The master gave him the snake head, which was in the miso soup. And the cook said, oh, I know. It's the head of the gobo. And then the cook took it, ate it, and enjoyed it. It made no difference if it was gobo or the head of a snake. That kind of attitude is necessary for all the people who work in the monastery. Not just for those who work in the kitchen. That kind of attitude is necessary for all of us... not just in our practice lives, but in every aspect of our life. The monastery, this is the monastery. The world is the monastery that we live in.

[21:34]

It is our training place. So usually we are, he's talking about Tassara again, usually we are enjoying the hot spring and giving water to plants and working on this and that, but it is not always so. At some point, something will happen to us. We don't know what will happen to us or when it will happen to us. I think some of us actually are coming to that. We've always had this in our life. But, you know, for some of us, we're coming to the age when something happens. Something will happen to us, and it's going to be something that we don't like. It's going to be something hard. So something will happen to us. In that case, we should know what we are actually doing.

[22:37]

We can come back to that. There's a question there. In that case, we should know what we are actually doing. What are we doing? What is our intention and how do we carry through? When nothing happens, we may enjoy the hot springs and stay there, but that's not our way. Whatever it looks like, maybe a summer resort, it actually is not so. Tassahara, as any of you know, who have practiced there for a practice period, or even some of you have gone there for the summer. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's lovely. It's kind of it's a kind of paradise. But we also can find our own hell within it.

[23:46]

It's a testing ground. And Again, Berkeley Zen Center is our testing ground. The world is our testing ground. So don't run away from Tassajara when something happens. Towards the end of this lecture, Suzuki Roshi says, when I was at school, the head of the university always told us we should not be concerned about what people do. We should be concerned about what we should do. We should be a friend of heaven and earth, and we should be a friend of our practice. So he comes back around at the end. We shouldn't be involved in the confusion. If you're friends with heaven and earth, he says you shouldn't be involved in the confusion.

[24:53]

which we have in our human world. But I would say we can't help it. We can't help to be confused or caught by what happens in our human world. And it's not even necessarily, as far as I'm concerned, it's not a bad thing. It's actually the ground for compassion. But that compassion has to include ourselves. We can't help but get caught by what happens in our human world. But we can also cultivate an even wider view. If we become angry with some trivial thing, we have no time to practice our way. So that's an interesting point.

[25:58]

If we become angry with some trivial thing, we have no time to practice in our way. And sometimes there are things that we become angry at that are not trivial things. And the challenge there is to find our way Even in those great difficulties. And I think that we're learning to do that in our own stumbling way. In our own imperfect way. So this is the teaching of conscientious patience. or the middle way of practice. So this is, as Suzuki Roshi says elsewhere, the Pali word for patience is, or the Sanskrit word is shanti, J-S-A-N-T-I.

[27:13]

And as Suzuki Roshi would say, he talked about shanti prajnaparamita. So all of the paramitas, the perfections, bodhisattva practices, every one of them is, when it's informed by wisdom, by prajna, then they become something more than virtues, or more than virtuous actions, they become... The deep truth of wisdom, that wisdom calls for patience. And as I said, patience is the incinerator of defilements. And these defilements are emotional reactivity and so forth. Impede our awakening with all beings.

[28:21]

So when you are served the head of the snake, just plop it in your mouth and be grateful. And, you know, maybe leave a note for the Tenzo. So I'm gonna stop there and leave time for questions and answers. questions and comments. And I'll turn it over to Mary Beth, who's going to, she's going to direct the discourse. Thank you, Hozan. So, It's our question and answer time. You can raise your digital hand, which you'll find in your reactions box, or you can leave a note for me in the chat and I will ask the question for you.

[29:24]

Please be brief and considerate of those who don't normally ask questions. We'd love to hear from you first. Stephanie Soler, please unmute yourself and ask your question. Good morning, Hosan. Thank you for the lecture. It was so appropriate to what's happening in my life right now. So the role of the apology. I apologized to someone this morning for behaving in an angry way. And he said nothing. And I noticed that I felt uncomfortable. Like I needed to say more, but I didn't. Is that a form of eating the snake? Yeah. I mean, your apology is, if an apology functions to reestablish a balance between you and another person, fine.

[30:40]

That's really good when it works that way. in its relationality. But the first thing is, the apology is your acknowledgement to yourself. And dropping your defenses as best you can. And this has come up a bunch lately. You know, my own life experience is such that sometimes I just really take the long view. So you've said your apology, you've said that, then just going forward, just treat that person with a respectful and with a respectful but possibly careful distance.

[31:49]

You treat them kindly, respectfully, and then you've made your effort, but be very attuned because sooner or later that person may provide you with an opening, with a bid. that allows you to reconnect in the way that you might wish. So keep your eyes open, your ears open for that possibility. And when that comes, don't miss it. Thank you. I'm sorry, Mary Derriere, please unmute yourself and ask your question. Good morning. I was with you right up until the very last thing you said, which was when you are fed the head of a snake, which seems to me to turn the story around about what happens when something is done to you versus...

[33:08]

What happens when you've done something? If that makes sense. Let me think about that a moment. Say a little more. So because when you have been fed a snake is the point of view of the teacher who's been fed the snake head as opposed to the Tenzo who's inadvertently put this the head into this soup, right? And so playing with that a little bit, where is the function of anger as the energy for justice or for righting a wrong? If you think of anger as energy, not good or bad, but as a response, when Is it skillful to object towards something?

[34:12]

And when is it skillful to swallow the blame? Okay. It's really interesting. It's like what I notice is that my mind is getting tangled up in this question. And one thing I realized is that, so the thrust of these two stories is actually quite different. The first story was, you know, it was the Tenzo's own mistake. The second story was that people were kind of out to get him. And in both cases, you know, the person who served the snake was the was the master, and the Tenzo kind of had the same response to both. He had the same response to his own mistake as he did to one which he probably understood that was directed at him.

[35:22]

Now, the second part of, and you know, I think when I said that, you may be served the head of a snake, I was kind of riffing. So I don't want to take that too far. But your question, I think there are things to be angry about. And, you know, I can think again of circumstances in which I've become angry and I don't regret being angry, I do regret how I used or was used by the anger, if that makes sense. That because I let the anger take over, which is that's the problem. The anger is not a problem. Letting it take over and determine your words and actions is the problem.

[36:25]

And when I've done that, I've seen it drive really damaging wedges into relationships. So that's, I mean, this is a very rich subject. You know, and it touches on, you brought it up, it touches on the question of justice, right? And what I will say is that the function of justice to me is the restoration of balance. But it's not an abstraction. It hopefully is is a restoration of balance on the base basis of mutual respect. But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes it's mechanistic. But let's let's leave it there and continue privately. OK. Ken Nabb please unmute yourself and ask your question. I hold on.

[37:29]

I just don't. A little nuance about this when Mary was bringing up the fact that in both of these cases, the master was served and the master said, hey, what's going on here? Just a reminder that you could have also had a Zen story about how the master had a snake's head in his soup, but he just ate it. and complimented the cooks. So that was very good soup you had today. Thank you. So, you know, these things are not, you know, some objective thing like who is to blame or what do you do in this kind of thing. They're just provocative things, you know, and in fact, I'm sure there have been many stories like that. You know, this master was so unassuming that that he didn't want to embarrass the cooks.

[38:32]

And so he did this. And that's a nice little lesson. Right. That's all I have to say. No, no, you're completely right. Actually, I will go on here just a little. I just put out an announcement that had to do with Zen flesh, Zen bones. Oh. And, you know, mailed it out. And one of the responses, which I think will not be typical, But I quoted the opening story of that book, which is where a professor comes to ask about Zen and the guy pours out. And he says, wait a minute, you're overflowing the teacup. And he says, like this teacup, you are full of your own opinions and speculations and so on. How can I talk, you know, before you empty your cup, how can I give you Zen? So I think most people get that, but the response from this one person says, oh, a scold and a blame.

[39:39]

Joyous? No. That person was saying, I'm out of there. This is obnoxious. So you just have to take that. I think, you know, These are not absolutes. They're relational teachings. And there's lots that we read in the koans. And there's stuff that we'll read in the Lotus Sutra that one's not obligated to agree with. Anyway, thank you. Riushin, please unmute yourself and ask your question. Thanks for a wonderful conversation and a terrific talk, Hozan. What I was thinking as we were talking about the second story, about the story of Hakuen and the baby, which many people here know, the short version of it is that this monk is impregnating a girl in the village.

[40:53]

So the family, when the baby is born, the family comes and foists it on the monk to raise. The monk was innocent of being the father, but he raised the child to the age of five, at which point the family realized that it wasn't his child after all, and they come back and take the child back without a word from him. And he didn't... He didn't defend himself. He didn't stand up for his reputation. We're not told what he felt about it. Yeah, thank you. We're not told what he felt about it. And for me, interesting working of my reputation were smudged. I might have a strong reaction. and want some kind of justice, personal justice for it. But what I take away from this story is he was seeing something bigger, whatever it was, the welfare of the child, the harmony in the community, who knows what it was, but he was practicing patience and taking the long view.

[42:06]

And for me, that's one of the points of what is this emotion telling me? What's the use of it? Is it about something For me, sometimes that's important. I'm not sure, though, what the right action is, or is it something bigger than that? And can I sit still long enough to see the bigger piece? Thank you. But let me raise another question. Yeah. What leaps out at me as you're telling this story, which I'm quite familiar with, is... How did he feel about having the child that he had raised to the age of five taken away from him? Those emotions, too. Yeah. I mean, it's like, wow, that would be the hardest, I think, at least for me. Yeah. No, when I first heard that story, I had that feeling as well.

[43:08]

But I think the point still is, what's the bigger picture here? Right. It doesn't mean the feelings aren't important, but if they're grounded and when they're grounded in something bigger, maybe they're easier to tolerate. I don't know. They don't go away. Yeah. But what I will say is that sometimes these stories to me seem rooted in the kind of idealism that I'm not entirely comfortable with. So I'll just say that. I see three more hands, so let's take them and then we will have to end. Okay. Heiko, please unmute and ask. Try to be succinct. Yes. Thank you, Hozan and everybody. Actually, they've been chipping away at my question. I've been reading recently quite a bit on

[44:10]

mindfulness and uh the foundations of mindfulness and the small quote that i i have in mind right now is if there is a preference if greed and greed and hatred are are present you cannot be mindful this is not a mindful possibility even in their most gentle forms which is preference and choice So in the case of Hakuin, maybe, and in the case of some ideal, the anger that Mary spoke of that energizes and clarifies and empowers movement for change is finally set aside so that movement has happened within my case in me to an idea where I can move forward without expressing my preference.

[45:11]

So the question is, how do we encounter difficulty where we could choose or see that other options are available or preferred, and how do we step back long enough or when is it long enough so that when the baby, in Hakuin's case, is taken away, we have neither preference nor greed. clouding our being together in, again, the ideal form of as one with all. Thanks. I think this is a long discussion, and one thing I would point out, I mean, I'm not sure exactly what you've been reading, but the fourth factor, the fourth foundation of mindfulness is mindfulness of the dharmas. And mindfulness of the Dharma is actually the traditional list includes the hindrances.

[46:16]

So it's not that you were devoid of these hindrances or somehow you have purged yourself to a place of purity, but you observe the working of the hindrance in a mindful way. So I just, you know, that there would be some self-interest or some, you know, some greed or whatever, or desire. I don't think the objective is to purge ourselves of them. It's to be free within them. Thank you. Yeah, it's a longer discussion. I would comment, as I've been thinking about that, exactly because how do you really be energized by something you've let go completely and make change, is like the two thumbs touching in the mudra so lightly. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yoni?

[47:18]

I'm not sure I have a fully formed question, but I feel a lot of... Maybe fear of being blamed. And I was wondering how. How I can how I can eat that before I even have to eat the blame. Well, I think that you have to examine that's I mean, I think that that's the. That's this very powerful feeling of shame. The fear of being blamed is shame. And, you know, shame can be a useful motivation, but limited, I think. And it can also be really destructive. We have to remember, as Suzuki says, why, not just,

[48:25]

Why are we here? How are we here? How do I want to manifest even with the possibility of shame and blame? And to recognize that to some degree those are inevitable and one has to step forward anyway. Maria Teresa, please unmute and ask your question. It's good to see you, Maria. Yes, likewise, Hosan. And good morning to you. Thank you for a beautiful lecture. Good morning to everyone else, too. And actually, you know, what what comes to mind is something I've always been very I've been very concerned about justice in my life. And I remember one conversation that I had with Zodian. And I keep saying, but Sojin, justice, where is justice?

[49:28]

And then he looked at me and he said, listen, just is. Anyway, I just wanted to share that because it it keeps bringing me back to can I just be with this and don't, you know, don't get enmeshed in it. Don't. Don't build on it or whatever, but can I breathe with it? Just is. Anyway, just wanted to share that. What I would say, even though I shouldn't say anything, is yes, you have to be able to, you have to enter just is, just this, just is. And then actually you need to move from that place. You need to move forward from that place.

[50:30]

And you need to move forward in the sense of recognizing your fundamental connection to all beings. Oh, yes. That's the place we have. We can't. There's no place. You can't stand. In just this because it's moving every moment So that's thank you for those last words. It's great. Thank you So let's do the Bodhisattva vows and happy announcements and go forth into our Saturday I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless.

[51:36]

I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Good morning. I'm going to read the announcements. I just tried to put them into the chat box. So let me try again. I don't know why it's not letting me do it. Anyway, I will read the announcements. Tomorrow, we will host a virtual screening of Sojin Roshi's public dokusons. This will be the first in a series of excerpts edited by BZC. The event will be at 7 o'clock in the online Zendo.

[52:39]

This coming Monday, Ross Blum will give a way-seeking mind talk. Next Saturday, Peter Overton will deliver the lecture. Please consult the website for details about our upcoming practice period, which will commence with a one-day sitting on May 7th. And I did post the links to the practice application and the sign-up for May 7th Sashin in the chat during the lecture. SANGA members who identify as black, indigenous, or people of color are welcome to meetings held on Mondays. 6.30 to 7.30 p.m. via Zoom. For more information, contact Sandeep Lahil. A group has been meeting to consider ways for BZC to address racism. If you wish to participate, contact Karen Sundheim, and her email will be in the chat. To make a donation to support BZC, please visit our website and go to the Generosity tab.

[53:46]

If you've been attending for a while and are interested in learning about membership options, please send an email to membership at berkeleysendcenter.org. Young East Bay Zen, a group for young people, meets virtually on Thursday nights at 630 and on some Saturdays. For details, contact Yoni Ackerman. And for more information about our online programs, please visit berkeleyzencenter.org. Thank you so much. And you're welcome now to unmute and say hello to everyone. Thank you. [...] Have a good week. Bye. Thank you. Thank you.

[54:48]

Well, everyone. Bye, everyone. Good to see you all. Good to see you.

[55:02]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_96.77