Morning. all the different physicians that we have. Many of them multiple times. He's doing it until he can get it right. But we look forward to hearing from Ross. Thank you, Hasan. Good morning, everyone.

[01:33]

I'd like to dedicate this talk today to my friend Henry in New York City. Henry lived across the hall from me freshman year at Syracuse University. he introduced me to Zen Buddhism, but not in a really direct way. I had become a vegetarian around that time, and I got a book from the Rochester Zen Center called To Cherish All Life. There was no note attached to it or anything. It was just this book came, and it was a Buddhist view of vegetarianism. And I read it, and I agreed with, you know, most everything that was written in there, and I wondered about it, and then I took it to a bookstore to sell it and get a few bucks in my pocket. And then I found out later that Henry had given it to me, and so we had a chuckle about that. And he attended my first Zazen instruction at Grayson Seminary in 1984.

[02:44]

And my life changed for the better from that day on. Senior students are given the opportunity to give a talk about once a year or so here in this formal setting on a Saturday. And I take notes during the course of the year of things that kind of hit me or move me that I would feel that would be helpful for people to encourage their practice because they've been helpful to me. But when reviewing the notes, sometimes they don't make it to the talk. They get scratched out and new things get added. So Karen Sondheim schedules our speakers and she scheduled me to give a talk today, some months ago. And so I was thinking, okay, let's see what's going on. And coincidentally, two things happened to me around that time that gave me a focus to share with you.

[03:54]

The first one was seeing the movie At Eternity's Gate, which is the story of Van Gogh. And it's the later years in Van Gogh's life. And I wasn't planning on going to see it. I love his art, but I didn't necessarily want to see a movie about it. But the movie I felt was quite good. And one of the paintings, well, there are a lot of paintings that were depicted in the film, but the one painting that kind of struck me was a painting called Cypress Trees. Many of you, I'm sure, are familiar with that. And it's paintings of cypress trees in France. And the energy in the tree was just very alive. It was moving on the canvas. And one of the lines in the movie that may or may not be accurate to his diaries, letters to his brother.

[05:00]

Maybe the director disinserted it. I don't know, but it was very evocative. So Van Gogh is in an asylum and he's being interviewed by the resident priest as to whether he is safe to himself and to society to be released. And the priest doesn't particularly care for Van Gogh's paintings. And he asked him, Vincent, have you ever sold any of your paintings? He said, no, I've never sold any of my paintings. He said, so they're so disturbing. Why do you paint these paintings? And there's a pause and Van Gogh says, I'm painting for another time. I'm painting for another time. The other thing that struck me around that time was a cypress tree that I've walked past for 32 years now, just next door in front of Mark Copperthorn's Tenants in Common property.

[06:25]

So I walked past that tree for 32 years, and I've not really noticed it so much other than this big green narrow thing that goes up. It looks a little bit like Van Gogh's painting. And when I came back from the Berkeley Bowl, I saw it for the first time. And I stood still. And it was, um, it was so alive. It was, I was sort of dumbfounded by it. The light was hitting it and it was the brightness to it. I was aware of my surroundings and the, um, the tree behind it in front of BCC is kind of like a little bit of frame, but the Cypress tree was just right there in front. Totally alive. I was thinking about Mary Duryea's comment about the Nepalese feel that she encountered some years ago in high definition.

[07:31]

It was like a very sharp visual that just struck her, and this tree had that kind of quality to it. So, I wrote down Psyphus tree in front of the next door property and thought about, well, let's see if there's a talk here. So I found one. Dogen Zenji has a fascicle called Cypress Tree, and I'd like to read a little bit of it. Shao Shao, who would later become Great Master Zheng Ji, the 37th ancestor from Shakyamuni Tathagata, first aroused the aspiration for enlightenment at age 61 and left home to study the way. At this time, he vowed, I will teach even a hundred-year-old person who has less understanding than I. I will inquire about the way even from a seven-year-old child who surpasses my understanding.

[08:38]

Having made this vow, he journeyed south while asking about the way he got to Mount Nanchuan and bowed to Nanchuan, priest Pu Yan. Nanchuan was lying down in the abbot's room. When he saw Xiaoxiao, he asked, where are you from? Xiaoxiao said, the Ruxiang Monastery, which translates as auspicious image. Nanchuan asked, is there an auspicious image over there? Xiaoxiao replied, there is no auspicious image, but there is a reclining Tathagata. Hearing this, Nanchuan sat up and said, are you a novice with a teacher? Xiaoxiao said, yes, I am a novice with a teacher. Nanchuan asked, who is your teacher? Xiaoxiao said, It is still cold in early spring. I respectfully bow to you and wish you an auspicious life.

[09:41]

So when I read that, I was thinking about how the talk was about what's going on in front of me. the interview that's taking place is not about the monastery or the place where Chao Chao came from. It's like, what's in front of me right here? There's a reclining Tathagata. And all of these stories in the Koan collections, Dogen's writings, are about this person here. And it's very easy to get caught in thinking about it some other place, some other time. But it all comes back right here. When I heard those lines in that movie and saw that tree down the street here, they both just stopped me in my tracks and just made me ponder, made me think about this person.

[10:46]

And everything else just kind of recedes into the background. any anxieties or problems or aspirations, plans, all that stuff just goes to the background and is just being present. It's a very liberating feeling to have a moment of that one wasn't even expecting. Going to retreats or going to a period of meditation one is expecting or hoping for a little release of their pain and suffering. but to actually go to a movie and get a little release, that's pretty great. In the Mumonkan in case 37, the koan is called the oak tree in front of the garden.

[11:53]

So depending on if it's a Japanese translation or a Chinese translation, it's either oak or cypress. The case. A monk asked Joshu in all earnestness, what is the meaning of the patriarchs coming from the West? Joshu said, the oak tree in front of the garden. So when I first read this, I thought about Bodhidharma, and he's coming, he's bringing the teachings, and that's very important stuff. So I guess that's why he came from India to China, to bring Buddhist teachings to the Chinese. And I thought about Suzuki Roshi, well, why did Suzuki Roshi come to America? Well, the plum tree in the garden. He brought the teachings from Shogakuji here to the Bay Area. So that's one way of looking at it.

[12:57]

The definition of meaning, what is the meaning of the patriarch, is the thing one intends to convey, especially by language. That's a dictionary meaning. What is the meaning of this or that? We have dictionary meanings. But in our practice, it's not about that kind of meaning. It's about what's happening for me right now. What's up for me right now. That's the meaning of this life. And coming to Buddhism to study the teachings and to work with my challenges and wanting for more insight and liberation and connections to people and things. It's about this person. I think about what is the meaning of this position I have at Berkley Zen Center.

[14:13]

I used to be the coordinator and point person for repair and maintenance. What is the meaning of this job that I had at Pete's Coffee and Tea? Well, to earn a living and pay rent and pay my bills and such. What is the meaning of these romantic relationships that have come and gone in my life? And there's a tendency to want to explain the whys and wherefores of these experiences one has. But when it really gets down to it, it's who am I in that moment? Who am I in those relationships at work, at play, here at Zen Center, in my relationships with people? It's always coming back to me. And the time that it's most clear that it's about me is when things stop. When my mind stops thinking and just being present with breath and posture and being upright.

[15:14]

You know, the contrast to the vividness of a story, a poem, an image, a landscape, a cypress tree. In contrast to that is when we sit in Zazen, we have our eyes cast downward, not focusing on anything in particular. So everything's kind of like in a soft focus. And for me, that's the returning to the base. with my eyes open and looking around and absorbing the things that are in my sphere of visibility and auditory and other ways of taking in the universe. That's the world of the relative, the world of differentiation, the world with which we relate in. But how do we come back to the one or to the base? It's a different kind of image. It's a different visual. That's a lovely sound.

[16:32]

So the cypress tree in the garden is pointing to the world of oneness. Most likely this conversation was taking place in the garden or in a view of a garden and Joshu looked up and the cypress tree. That's the meaning of Bodhidharma coming from the West. But it's not the cypress tree as an object. It's about where am I right now? What's the meaning of Bodhidharma coming from the West? the sound of a harp and a zendo on March 2nd. Mumon comments on this koan.

[17:51]

if you see through Joshu's response clearly, there is no Shakyamuni Buddha in the past, and there's no Maitreya in the future. So historically, we have the founder of our tradition, Shakyamuni Buddha, who lived about 2,500 years ago. And then we have this ideal, this aspirant Buddha in the future, Maitreya. But actually all those are just projections of ourself. So if we really see clearly, there's not thinking about the past and a founder. There's not wanting to be Maitreya in the future. There's just Ross right now. So there is no past and future. So how does that relate to the Buddhist fundamental teaching, which is I teach the cause of suffering and the cessation of suffering.

[18:59]

Well, when you think about what we suffer about most, what we're most uncomfortable about, it's about what happened or what we want to happen. What happened that was good? I can spin out all kinds of lovely dreams about that. Or bad, some awful dreams about that. Or what I want to do. But what's being present? And truly being present, suffering is extinguished. We can't stay there very long. We typically start thinking about one direction or another, past or future. But in that moment, suffering is extinguished. When I saw that cypress tree, I was thinking about the burning bush in the Bible.

[20:09]

And before seeing that cypress tree, I thought, well, okay, there's God, and there's this tree that's burning, and Moses is getting the lowdown on what's going to happen to his people. And I realized, well, it's just a metaphor, that that was the burning bush. The cypress tree was the burning bush, and there was a message there for me. Just be present. The universe is offering itself to you in this moment, the beauty of the cypress tree. So my greedy mind wants more of those images. So now I walk by the tree and yeah, it's just a plain old tree. What happened? What happened? Where's, where's that fire? Where's that energy? Well, I recognize my greed and desire to want beautiful things in my life and continually, but it can't be that way because if it was continuous then it wouldn't be beautiful.

[21:14]

So we have this contrast of just plain and ordinary and then the arising of a moment of beauty and connection and a teaching. The cypress tree in the garden reminded me of a story of Tozan, the founder of our Soto school in China, and a dialogue that he was having with his student. And there were these two crows that were fighting over a frog that they wanted to eat, presumably. And the student says to Tozan, why is it thus? Why is that? Why is that going on? And Tozan turns to the student and he says, it is for your benefit. It is for your benefit. I thought, well, what kind of benefit would that be?

[22:18]

Just to be watching two birds fighting over a frog. But if the student really takes a look at what's going on in front of him or her, Just like we, when we see something in front of us where there's a squabble or a difference of opinion, different views, people wanting it this way or that way. Well, it's about them. They're arguing over that. The birds are wanting to be fed by this morsel of food that's in front of them. But as I said earlier, all these stories are about What's in it for me? What am I learning from this? Well, this is a teaching of greed, ill will, and delusion right there in front of us. I want this. So the benefit is potentially that I can sit here in neutral.

[23:27]

and observe two people in an argument, two birds fighting over a frog, and just see this is the unfolding of the universe without judging it. I might not want to be around arguing people. I might feel some sadness around a frog that's being stretched and pulled in two different directions by these birds. And those are all true heartfelt expressions of empathy. That's looking clearly at it. But with the soft focused view, eyes cast downward, it's not looking away. It's accepting this is the way of the universe. I was thinking about earthquakes yesterday and the contrast between stillness and activity, which is the nature of the universe anyway.

[24:54]

There's stillness sitting in Zazen and then the activity of going out and tending to things. So in the moment of an earthquake, the beginning of an earthquake, there's both activity and movement of the earth. And there's a stillness of whatever you were thinking, whatever you're doing for a moment, it just stops. It just stops. I think, well, how can that be? How can it be that there's stopping and all this activity? We typically forget about that moment of stopping and we want to like, make sure we're not going to get hurt. So loved ones close by, stop the car and whatever the things are that come up, thinking about taking care of ourselves and taking care of others. But separate from that, stillness and activity.

[26:00]

And that stillness is a really great wake up to just this, just what's in front of us. It's not as pretty as a cypress tree or a line in a movie that evokes emotion and tears. But it's an activity that should be respected and one can learn from. In Dogen's fascicle cypress tree, he says, he writes, Xiaoxiao was asked by a monk, does the cypress tree have Buddha nature? Xiaoxiao answered, it does. The monk said, when does it become Buddha?

[27:05]

Xiaoxiao said, when the sky falls to the ground. The monk said, when does that happen? Xiaoxiao said, when the cypress tree becomes Buddha. Now listen to these words of Xiaoxiao while not abandoning the questioning of the monk. The times of Xiaoxiao's words, when the sky falls to the ground and when the cypress tree becomes Buddha are not separate. So when I read this passage, I was thinking about That book of Pema Chodron is a title, When Things Fall Apart. And I think about and thought about and continue to think about what causes me pain and suffering, some stress and discomfort. And it's typically when I'm trying to keep things together and not letting things fall apart.

[28:09]

I have a tendency to want things to be neat and orderly at right angles and all of the rest of those tendencies. And if I think about the energy that goes into that, I'm typically not so stressed in doing it because it's a habit energy that I've had ever since I was a kid. So it's just kind of what I do. That's kind of my expression. And when I leave my apartment and go out into the other parts of the universe, I start seeing things that are askew. And I start fixing and tending. So one of my practices that I've been working on for many years now, 62 years, is letting things fall apart. And at first I didn't like that because I like things not falling apart.

[29:12]

I like things in a particular order and way, but gradually over time, letting things fall apart has helped me take care of myself in a different way. It's gone from sort of habit energy of wanting things a certain way to accepting things as they are, as they're falling apart, without me having to make them fall apart. So there's this tension between what we do to fix and repair and create things and then things that are falling apart on their own. That's what it is. As Suzuki Roshi says, things are constantly falling out of balance and going back into balance. So when does the sky fall to the ground? Well, we typically think of the sky up there and the ground's here. And so when does the sky fall to the ground? Well, what's between the sky and the ground?

[30:17]

Me. I'm in between. I'm between the sky and the ground. So if I can be still, if I can let things fall apart, then the sky and me and the ground are one thing. And that's a much easier way to live. At least it's a good reminder of how one can live if one lets things fall apart. The words, when the sky falls to the ground, do not refer to something impossible. Every time the cypress tree becomes Buddha, the sky falls. Sounds of falling are not hidden, but are louder than hundreds and thousands of thunder strikes. The time when the cypress tree becomes Buddha is provisionally within the 12 hours and yet is beyond the 12 hours.

[31:20]

The sky that falls is not the same sky seen by ordinary people and sages, but an entirety of sky beyond that. Others do not see it. Shao Shao alone sees it. And we, we see it. We can see it. Not just Shao Shao. The story is just a point or two for our practice and what we can see. Thank you for your attention. And we have a little time for questions or comments if anybody has anything to say. Dean? Thank you, Ross. I'm wondering what it's been their things. So what's it been like for you to have two cats living with you?

[32:24]

Well, fortunately, they don't fight. If they fought, that would be a problem for me. My father was a veterinarian, so I was raised by and supported by the income of taking care of animals. So as lovely as that is, I didn't want to have animals in my life when I left home because I didn't want to be bound by the comings and goings of pets or people for that matter. I'm a little bit more forgiving with people. So I had my freedom for years and now I wound up adopting two cats. And I get to see myself with those two cats with regard to my greed, ill will, and delusion. My greed of wanting time, wanting not to be bothered, and then my cats needing my time and attention. ill will of when having to pay exorbitant veterinary bills.

[33:32]

Now, my dad never charged that much. Of course, that was another lifetime ago and being pissed off that I have to do that. And then the confusion of the loveliness of these pets and then my wanting to be just it all be warm and harmonious and it's not that way all the time. So I get to see the three marks of existence more clearly with Rocky and Sweet Pea in my life. So that's a benefit that I was not planning on having. So that's how it is for me. That's the fastidious of their human that tries to take care of them. Well, all the hair and the mess and stuff has been a challenge for me to accept. But I accept it now because I think now about the cats and dogs that I had as a kid, I didn't have to clean up after them.

[34:35]

Someone else did that. So this is, as I see it, kind of karma coming back to me and paying these exorbitant veterinary bills. It's just passing on the money that I inherited when my parents passed away and passing it on to the next generation of veterinarians. So it's all practice. It's truly all practice. And I figured out now why they call it litter box. Because after they do their business, they litter all over the apartment, the little bits of litter. Welcome. Peter. going on, there was a conversation between Gauguin and Van Gogh about what's actually going on when we're approaching doing something like painting, some activity like painting or something like that.

[35:50]

What is being seen or not seen? And it made me think a lot about how if I'm just on the street, you know, how am I Yeah. That's a really good question. I like that. Well, I think we all have varying degrees and abilities to see things. That question, what are we truly seeing? Well, it took me 32 years to see the cypress tree. And being able to, what's interesting around the world of art is the expression of the artists, what they see.

[37:05]

So the priest said, these are ugly depictions. What you see is ugly and other people aren't getting it. So he doesn't sell any paintings. And then this other time has arrived and people are seeing the beauty of that. So what is being seen? The paintings on the wall here are lovely, newly painted walls. The paintings that I see are as rich and vast as the ones on the street that we see. They're not for sale, though. They're not framed, but they're very familiar images. And the paintings change.

[38:06]

Just like in our body, when we sit Zazen, it's different each time. And we can go to a museum and see a painting or we can go to a play and watch the theater and we may get something more out of it on a revisit. But mostly it's kind of set there. But the thing about our practice is that we get to the scenery changes and we change. Yeah. I also think about the Suzuki Roshi story about the wall being a movie. Our life being a movie and the wall is a screen. So it's these projections that are put onto the wall. I think we forget that when we're off the cushion and out of the universe thinking that's not a movie screen, that's actually a tree, that's a person, that's a car, that's a pile of dog shit.

[39:14]

But they're also It's also a movie, yeah. Thank you for that question. A reminder that it's a movie. There's a hand. Linda. Was it a better moment? No, it's not a better moment. It's a better moment if I think of sky, myself, and the earth as three separate things. There's a better and a less than. But I get to recognize my greediness and wanting things to be a certain way and wanting that kind of liveliness and activity.

[40:18]

It's kind of like Our relationships, especially our romantic relationships, there's this honeymoon phase where everything is on fire and then it kind of levels out. Well, is the honeymoon phase better than the couple that's been at it for a while and really knows each other intimately? Is one expression of relationship different or better than another? They're different. What do you think? Yeah, I was a tree hugger. Thank you. Andrea? You thought about?

[41:28]

Oh. But I find myself kind of being at a place where I'm observing a lot and not freaking out with everybody around me. So that's a problem too, because I'm like, I should run.

[42:29]

I should fight. I should be fighting. But then as a part of it, it's like, no, you shouldn't be fighting, because you should only fight if you need to, if you really need to. And so when I settle, things That's great. Well, thanks for recalling that old story. Well, things work themselves out without our needing to intervene, but we have a tendency to want to intervene. And then that creates a problem. So there's this dance between when do I step forward and offer help or intervene in some way? And when do I take a step back and let things play out? That's the koan.

[43:33]

When do I straighten up? When do I let things fall apart? Well, thank you again for your attention and questions, and we'll have tea and cookies maybe in the community room. Yeah.

[43:49]

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