Today would have been our Sajiki ceremony here at Berkeley Zen Center, where we honor the deceased members, relatives, and friends of our temple. We're not holding a ceremony today due to COVID, but given the auspicious date, I took the opportunity to talk to you all about hungry spirits and hungry ghosts. This ceremony that we have done for decades comes from the Chinese ghost festival and the Japanese adapted it to their customs for remembering the dead and as I said we hold it near Halloween time Saturday nearest the Halloween to have it coincide with our culture of remembering deceased loved ones. So years ago in the Buddha's time, he had a disciple named Moggallana.

[01:19]

And Moggallana dreamt that his deceased mother had fallen into the realm of hell with the hungry ghosts. And he was quite upset by that dream. These ghosts are called Gaki. And Gaki have been depicted in art as beings with very large descended stomachs and very thin needle necks. So this depiction of insatiability, of really big appetite and not being able to get enough is pretty frightening. So Moggallana was quite upset by this dream, envisioning his mother living in the realm of the Hungry Ghost or the Gaki for eternity. And he asked Buddha for help.

[02:22]

And the Buddha said, well, if you make an offering, to our fellow disciples who are coming back from their retreat, this will help her. So Moggallana did as he was instructed, and he created a food offering for the spirit, the hungry spirit of his mother. And he witnessed his mother's release from suffering, and thereby he was released from his weary for his mother. So in Sajiki each year, we would make food offerings. We would prepare food offerings at the Sajiki altar and make an offering to those hungry spirits. And we would recite names of all the people who have died

[03:26]

and those we hadn't had memorial services for that people would like to call out to evoke their name in memory. And in that act for Moggallana, in that act for us in the Zendo, and now when we think about our deceased loved ones, relatives and friends, we are saved with them. We together are saved with them. This was a story that's been handed down for many, many years about this dream that Moggallana had. But in order for our practice to feel alive and relevant for today, we need to look at how our life is unfolding in this day and age.

[04:31]

And sometimes we get glimpses into the history of Buddhism from our contemporary teachers and friends. So on Wednesday, I received a phone call from a Sangha member who has cancer. She had dreamed the night before that Sojin Roshi came into her life in this dream, and they were both at Moe's Books here in Berkeley, California. Sojin Roshi was wearing his robes, and our Sangha member was wearing her Sibi, his regular street clothes. I'm sorry, not Blackwood Books, Moe's Books is where Sojin Roshi traded books and built up the library that we have here at Berkeley Zen Center. So it's a very important source for our Dharma study.

[05:32]

So Sojin Roshi and the Sangha member were conversing and Sojin Roshi and the member were wondering like, who is gonna die first? So imagine being in a dream with your teacher, and the teacher says, who has cancer is gonna die first? And dreams have a certain hazy quality to them, so it was clear from the Sangha members viewpoint that Sojin Roshi had actually already died. And she subsequently woke up to a good deal of comfort with the causing conditions of her life. Her suffering, if you want to call it that, was assuaged.

[06:39]

Her discomfort was assuaged just from a dream. Berkeley Zen Center has a bagged lunch program. And a group of people distribute lunches to homeless people here in Berkeley. And it may not look like a ceremony, but in fact, it is a ceremony that's being performed. Not unlike Sijiki. There's planning, shopping, preparation, delivery, and conversation between the Sangha and the recipients who received this food.

[07:40]

This follows a ritual, a ritual as an expression of practice, a selfless practice that the people who have volunteered in the BTC Bag Lunch Program to execute. in a pretty ordinary way, but when you look at it, it's feeding the hungry. And in the relationship of feeding the hungry, the sangha is fed also. So it's a two-way street. We awaken together. We are fed together. I like to think and I have the experience of feeling that the needle needle-thin throat here that's caused by my stinginess and my hunger and my thirst for things that come into my view is less restricted, opens up a little bit when I'm able to offer something to people and take a break from being self-serving to serving others.

[08:55]

And in the deepest sense, I believe that the BVC bag lunch is something that addresses that. My teacher in New York, Bernie Glassman, had a very vibrant program of working with homeless people and feeding them. And I had the privilege to be on the bakery floor when it just started, where we mixed up salads in this huge mixing bowl that was typically made for cakes and cookies. While in the oven where the cakes were being baked, lasagna was being prepared and baked off to be distributed at the homeless shelter. And he had this vision of feeding the hungry ghosts from a long time ago. We had ceremonies around this event each year. chanting the Konro Mom.

[09:57]

And I wasn't so inclined to work so directly with homeless people. And Bernie was leaving the world of traditional Zen practice as he practiced with Mayuzumi Roshi in LA, what I grew up with there in my three years of practice. And he was going off on his own expression of practice and feeding the hungry ghosts. And because I wasn't so drawn to that, I was in a bit of a quandary. And so I, with the advice of a dear friend back there, I came out here to Berkeley Thin Center to study with Soji Roshi, who was carrying on a traditional sitting practice that has nourished me all these years. And one doesn't have to go out necessarily to feed The hungry have a way of finding us. We are hungry ghosts.

[11:13]

We have a disembodied spirit that hovers around wanting more. we can be dissatisfied and we can have an opportunity to look inside directly at our dissatisfaction and work with it. So by feeding others, we feed ourselves and we save the beings in our own mind as the sixth ancestor taught us. So there are beings, so-called outside of ourselves, and we help them, and we relate to them. And as we intimately relate with them, we relate to ourself, relate with ourself, and we wake up with these two beings.

[12:16]

This being called Ross, and this being called homeless person on the street. Circumstances look different, but fundamentally they're the same. There's a line in the ceremony where, if I'm recalling correctly, it's the so-called dead feed on the living and the so-called living feed on the dead. And I didn't quite understand what that meant until I was preparing for this talk. And I realized when I did an inventory, I guess they called it in this 12-step program, an inventory of my life and all the hungry spirits that are swirling around up here, that they were feeding off

[13:28]

my memory of them. And as long as I retained a memory of them, they were with me. So some memories we like and make us feel good and uplifted. We all have a collection of memories and stories of our life that is supportive and encouraging makes us happy. And we tend to like those memories and we hold on to them. The memories that don't make us so happy, however, we don't want to hold on to them. And we kind of push them away. Some people do hold on to those memories. Sometimes it feels good to feel bad, which isn't so great, but that does happen. Nevertheless, in my view, with Zazen practice, with Dharma friends, with psychotherapist professionals, we can look at these thoughts in our life and cultivate a life of freedom.

[14:54]

It doesn't mean that these hungry spirits won't reappear. In a sense, they don't really go away. But in relating to them as familiar spirits versus something I have to get away from, I've learned to accept them in my life. They inform our life. The precept, not being stingy with material or spiritual aid, helps to nourish others and saves us from self-centered thinking. And nourishing doesn't take any special form. It comes with the circumstance and the cause and conditions of the moment that's in front of us.

[15:57]

It may look like a piece of tofu. It may be the light coming through a leaf on a bike ride. We're nourished by many, many things. Knowing how to be satisfied is the second of the eight awarenesses of an enlightened being, which was the Buddha's last formal teaching before he passed away. And knowing how to be satisfied is essential for our salvation. So for perspective, if we think of I, me, mine, in the third person as this person, we can help ourselves. This perspective of this person versus I, me, and mine gives us some perspective and distance as we would look at a so-called other person, what they might need.

[17:16]

It sounds impersonal because it is impersonal, this person. But that space is really important because as soon as we say I, me, or mine, we've created a self. And in Buddha's teaching, one of the three marks of existence is that there is no abiding self. So even though we know or we have an understanding or an awareness that there's no abiding self, things are constantly changing, When we make I statements, we have to be careful because I reinforces I. What do I need? And you can try out what do I need with what does this person need right now? A friend of mine was going through a difficult time recently.

[18:30]

And the thought arose. What can I do for this person? So I have the place in our life because that's our reference point. It's the most important person in the universe, right? But we tend to put the I up on a pedestal. And in our practice... It's important to not do that, to take a humble position and to serve others so we get out of our self-centered thinking and reinforcing this self. So I has a place that I'm gonna help you or let's help each other together. What can I do for you? We're easily seduced by this person.

[19:34]

We have a big investment in this person. We get intoxicated by this person. So all of Buddha's thought pivots on this single point of satisfaction and dissatisfaction. First noble truth is, life is Dukkha. Dissatisfaction arises. And how do we live with dissatisfaction? How can satisfaction arise? When we're dissatisfied, when I'm dissatisfied, initially I feel, I don't like this.

[20:44]

And when I received a teaching that I don't have to like it, that helped. It's always associated like with good and dislike bad. So when I took my self-interest, I like something and just accepted the cause and conditions of what was there in front of me, it lessened my discontent. And I would say my dissatisfaction went away, but it didn't have such a stranglehold on me, squeezing on my skinny neck and wanting it to be different. So if we get perspective on our suffering, and we can look at the causes and conditions that contribute to the situation at hand, then we can look at more objectively about how we may be able to work with the matter at hand.

[22:00]

Because we're having a close examination of the things that led up to this point of my discontent. We can do that on the cushion. We can do that with a pen and paper, sitting down reflecting on our life. We can work with a teacher. We can work with a psychotherapist, with a friend. It's good to talk. I was talking with a friend yesterday who was laughing saying, you know, our practice used to be silent. Now we find ourselves talking a lot more. Avilokiteshvara is the bodhisattva of compassion. And Avilokiteshvara will not be satisfied until all beings in the world are liberated.

[23:07]

We chant Avilokiteshvara's name in the Heart Sutra, Avilokiteshvara, while practicing deeply the Prajnaparamita. et cetera, et cetera. So Prashnaparamita is the wisdom of the other shore. So in order to have compassion, we need to have wisdom. Wisdom is a still place that we realize emptiness within. And compassion is the expression coming from emptiness to save all beings in our own mind. If we don't have wisdom, then we just have compassion. It's not balanced. It feels right.

[24:10]

I'm helping people. This is good. But if it's not balanced with wisdom, then it's easy. to be led astray. I'm just doing good works and wanting to help people without having the ground and balance of wisdom. Wisdom without compassion can be very cold and cool and literally unmoving because wisdom is manifested in stillness. Sorry, wisdom is realized in stillness but manifests in compassion. So you have to have two. That's why on the altar, we have Manjushri and Avilukiteshvara or Kuan Yin on either side of the Buddha in the center. Because we're Buddha. We hold the balance of wisdom and compassion. Too much wisdom to work on compassion.

[25:14]

Too much compassion to bring up wisdom to keep a balance. In Buddhism, we talk about the three times, past, present, and future. The only thing that we can experience directly is the present moment. And the past is not really the past, it's the present. And the future is not really future, It's a present. We experience these three times in the present moment. And one of the many reasons why meditation is so important for our practice and realization is that we're practicing being in the present moment.

[26:23]

Not worrying about the future and not dwelling on the past. don't worry, they are going to arrive in our present, no matter whether we like it or not. So I have three short stories to share with you about past, present, and future, and how the wisdom of practice manifests in compassion. So it's before thinking, after thinking, and during thinking. So compassion in this story takes a form before thinking. Susan Marvin shared a story a few weeks ago about encountering a hungry ghost who had

[27:28]

thrown a cup of coffee at a patron at a coffee store. And she was with her family, and there were a bunch of people standing around watching this incident. And without thinking, she went up, asked another sales clerk at the store, the hungry ghost who did this apparently wasn't in sight. They floated off somewhere. She asked another patron in the store to get this man a cup of coffee, which they did. And Susan gave him the cup of coffee, and they had a conversation about what had happened. And that was it. When I think about that story, I think about the decades of practice that Susan has sat here at Berkeley Zen Center, cultivating wisdom, and the cause and conditions are right, situation there at the coffee shop, compassion is expressed without thinking about what am I going to do.

[28:45]

So that's the past, so-called past practice, coming to the present moment and informing the future for me in this talk. sharing it with you. Story about after thinking about compassion involves this person at a coffee shop. So I worked at Pete's for 25 years. And I tried my best to be open and friendly with each and every customer that came my way. However, I had this one customer who ordered a coffee drink and she returned it. She didn't like it. She said that wasn't made right. So I immediately fell into a hungry spirit. I copped an attitude about her, about this complicated coffee drink, milkshake, sugary sweet.

[29:57]

that I never particularly agreed with that Pete should carry, but it's a hugely profit-making item, so it wasn't gonna be taken off the menu, so I had to live with that. And I made the second drink for the customer, all the while just thinking not such great thoughts about my life and the situation I was in. And I put the cup down on the counter. I didn't slam it down. I certainly didn't throw it at her, but I did not put the cup down the way I usually put a cup down on the counter, handing it over to a customer. I doubt if anybody actually recognized the force and energy around that, I did. And I suffered for the rest of my shift that day about my behavior, how it was just an innocent request of remaking a drink.

[31:02]

And I really fell short of my own practice, intention, my customer service, and just being a kind human being. So I left work and I walked home down Shattuck Avenue. mile and a half or so. Had a lot of time to think about what had happened that day. And around Blake Street, there's an auto repair, used to be an auto repair place called Dan Chin's Auto Repair. And I'm walking by there and I feel this energy on my back. It wasn't, Malicious, it wasn't benevolent. There was just some kind of energy on my back. And I turned around, and there's a cab pulling up in front of the auto repair place, and my customer comes out.

[32:15]

And I went up to her, and I said, you might not recognize me without my apron on, but I made that second coffee drink for you. How was it? She smiled and said, it was fine, thank you. I turned around and continued on home, feeling a lot better. And that through reflection and thinking and wanting to amend my ways, After the thought of awakening and practicing, I had the good fortune in that moment to meet the hungry ghost in me with the hungry ghost of the patron or customer who was dissatisfied with her drink, rightly or wrongly, asking for a second cup, a redo, so to speak.

[33:27]

Lastly, compassion arising during thinking. I was at a BART station a few weeks ago, and I was leaning against the pillar, waiting for the train to come. Kind of like this. BART pose. And this guy comes near me. He's about 25 feet or so away, carrying a bag, puts the bag down. He's kind of looking around like this, kind of talking to himself a little bit, maybe singing. He's got some earbuds in. But I keep my eye out on him. And then his body language was more jerky became a little bit more, seemed agitated.

[34:35]

And as you might imagine, I became agitated. Because I want to protect this person. But he's in a safe distance, I get to watch. And then he proceeds to make three high-step karate kicks perfectly landed on a telephone box. there at the BART station platform. They were really well placed. Boom, boom, boom. It did knock the telephone box off its attachment. And this fellow obviously was a trained karate person. So then he looked at me. and I'm looking just as I demonstrated a moment ago, and he's saying something that I can't understand.

[35:43]

He doesn't have a mean look in his face, doesn't have a benevolent look in his face, but he's saying something to me. And I'm thinking, during all of this, Well, Ross, here's the hungry ghost. What are you going to do? So I said, you don't need to kick that telephone box. It didn't do anything to you. and he stopped. His face kind of relaxed a little bit. He turned away from me, faced the tracks, and the train came shortly after that.

[36:51]

When the doors opened, I figured, I've gotten off pretty good. I haven't gotten kicked, so I'm not gonna go in the same door he's going in. So I'm halfway down the train, car, and he's at the end of the train car. So we're about 40 feet away with a lot of people in between. And I keep my eye on him, but he doesn't do anything unusual. And he gets off to stop before me. And he gets out, and he's walking along, and his mouth may have been moving, it may not have been, it's kind of hard to tell. But the thought I had was, well, there goes the hungry ghost. And how would his hunger and thirst be assuaged in the next moment? There's nothing I could have done to help him any further than the interaction that I had.

[37:58]

I felt that I woke up with him when I spoke with him on the platform. that any fear that I had of being kicked went away when the tension in his face went away. I believe we woke up together. If he was at Berkeley Zen Center, I would probably have a conversation with him about that interaction. He doesn't appear to be here, but there are other people here that I have interactions with that sometimes don't go so well. And I try to practice patience and accountability for my half of my hunger, my dissatisfaction in relating to our Sangha members.

[39:03]

And through conversation, I found that we can bring forth compassion and patience for one another because we're all thirsty, we're all hungry, and we all want something. I'd like to end with a movie recommendation. called A Ghost Story. It's playing on Canopy, the Berkeley Library's streaming service, as well as Netflix. There's not a whole lot of conversation in it. It's about a young couple, and one of them dies. And the one who dies hangs around and observes what their survivor's life is about.

[40:08]

is about what's going on. There's no emotion that's being expressed by the deceased person. So it's like observing what's going on after the death. And there's a very happy ending because the thirst that the ghost appears to have had Because even though you don't see any facial gestures, you get a sense that they're missing their loved one. There's closure. There's some peace at the end. The ghost was able to let go. The ghost was able to let go. Thank you very much. And I think we have a few minutes for some questions or comments, thoughts that you may have.

[41:13]

Thank you, Ross, for your talk. Everyone, please feel free to raise your hand and ask Ross a question. Thank you. Okay, we have a question from Rondy. Please go ahead, Rondy, unmute yourself. It's a question from Charlie. Good morning, Ross, and thank you so much for your talk. In the story about the dissatisfied coffee and drink customer. Mine or Susan? How did she know where you were to get a cab and encounter you? And when did she start it? And who is the hungry ghost in that story?

[42:17]

Branching streams flow in the dark. And the light. Yeah. The branching stream flew in the dark and they're brought to light on that at beach and on Shattuck Avenue in front of that car dealership or repair place. And with you and me, there's no knowing. We can't untangle the past. We only have this present moment. And if I had not met her there on Shattuck, then that spirit of dissatisfaction would probably remain with me. So it was released and I'm grateful for that. That's all I worry about. Thanks very much. You're welcome, Charlie. We now have a question from Nick.

[43:32]

Nick, please go ahead and mute yourself. I have a comment and maybe a question. Can you hear me? I can. When you said to the karate guy, you don't have to kick the box. It didn't do anything to you. You were simply stating the truth. There was no judgment implied in that. And That was such a generous act there and compassionate act. Point out the truth simply, directly. It reminded me of Sojin's practice in speaking to point out clearly and directly simple, evident truths and leave it there.

[44:34]

It's up to each of us to do what we will. So thank you for that story. And thank you for evoking sojourn for me. Thank you, Nick. Yeah, it's a little easier with a so-called inanimate telephone box versus a person. because it's easy to jump to, she did me wrong, he did me wrong, and have this relationship. So I got off easy there, but thankfully, there was some turning, I think, for both the karate guy and me. Yeah. One thing, since you evoked Sojin's name, something that he said that really resonates with me is, I'm not going to be your friend.

[45:44]

And I believe that when we want to be friends with someone in the sort of helping or dharmic sense, we can maybe enable too much and we can help too much and they aren't able to find their own way. And Sojin said a number of times to me in various... situations where I was stuck, he said things that wouldn't, I think, be perceived as compassionate, kind of hard or harsh or, you know, straight shooting. I just saw them as factual, actually. I didn't see them necessarily at the time as factual and impersonal. This is just what's going on. What are you going to do with it from a practice place? But looking back on it now, that's the way they, I see them. So thank you for being the factual side. Yeah, yeah.

[46:45]

We have a question from Blake. Blake, please go ahead. Since nobody else raised their hand, I'll just take up space. Ross, it was a little bit smart-alecky of you to say that. That was my impression. I probably am, and similar to you, I have some snide comments or like get in people's face, but that can be dangerous with people, right? But that's just some... tangential comment. How do we know if we are trying to feed the hungry ghost in others or the hungry ghost in ourselves when we interact with people?

[47:49]

That's a good question. I think if we feel we're going to help somebody in the former. We're going to help that hungry ghost over there. And if I'm hungry and I want something, whatever that something is, then it's pretty clear I'm just going to feed this hungry ghost. My experience has been that if it's not about me, then there's no hungry waste to be fed, there's nobody feeding, and just what is. But talking about it is a mistake, but we do that.

[48:56]

We talk about these things. So my disposition is one that I don't go out to help people. And that's why it was hard for me to remain at Bernie's place because the energy was where to go do this practice, which is very good benevolent practice to help people, but it just wasn't my calling. And when I came to Berkeley, I was, my disposition was validated. The practice that I was doing here in following Soja Roshi's teachings, it was okay enough to sit. We save ourselves on the cushion. And he didn't prescribe what to do. The bell rang. We bowed to him at the door. We do a little shashu bow. And what's next? Well, the freaking guy with a high kick in foot, you know, a little...

[50:02]

What am I going to do about that? I'm going to save myself first by calculating the distance between me and that foot. And then when I have the safe space to practice, which our Zendo is a safe place to practice so we can let our shoulders down and just receive versus protecting, which is what I was doing in New York. on the street walking somebody home and then somebody comes and assaults me, it wasn't a safe place. No good deed goes unpunished. Helping a lady walking home after school in a dangerous neighborhood and I get punched out. So we don't know what's gonna happen. But I do feel and I trust that the more that you and I stay on the cushion sitting, We cultivate a wisdom where in the next moment we can embrace each other, whoever that person is, and practice with them.

[51:06]

And my response when you said smart alecky, well, I didn't get distracted by it. I caught it. I heard it. But we have a relationship and we trust each other. Deep down we trust each other. And that works for me. So you can say whatever you want. And you have a big audience today of 80 people or something or another, so you can say it again. Soju Roshi once told me, you can spit on me. He said it in the kitchen that we share. And we were in the middle of a tangle. And I was really taken aback by him saying that, you can spit on me. And I realized after that that there was nobody there to be spat on. not from my vantage point, although I had to learn that, but from his vantage point, because his realization of no self means there's nobody here to spit on, so I can take whatever you want to give me.

[52:13]

And that's what I continue to try to do. When I get caught, smart-alecky, you can spit on me. The hook isn't so deep, it's a little catch, but not a big thing that's gonna deflate me. We continue sitting faced up, waiting for the next punch or the next punch, but we still stay up. That's what feeding the hungry ghosts are like for me and you. Thank you for your stories and your resilience. Thank you. Let's go have lunch. Thank you, Blake. We now have a question from Hozan. Please go ahead, Hozan, unmute yourself. Thank you. Following up, actually, I remember a part of the Mogayana story, which is interesting and relevant to this question of unintended consequences, and just wanted to check in with you about it.

[53:29]

What I recall is that when Moggayana went down to the hell to release his mother, which he succeeded in doing, is that inadvertently he broke the lock on hell and all of the hungry ghosts were released into the world. So he made a mess for us. What do you think about that? I recall that story. And as a story, I think it can help teach us something about how do we help people? And how difficult it would be to not help

[54:30]

one's mother. Yeah. I believe they were hungry spirits that were around before Bogolana and his mother. Oh, sure. Yes. So, but from a T from a Buddhist standpoint for teaching, um, What comes to mind is another story about Tozan not opening his door to his mother. He wants to see how her son's doing and maybe to save him. And that's maybe the other side. Yeah, it's a really challenging story. Very challenging. All these stories are challenging. So what I... did with the customer, this fellow on the platformer, what I experienced myself doing wasn't necessarily a good thing or a bad thing.

[55:33]

I can think of it as a good thing because it made me feel better, but it's just what happened. And maybe those two hungry spirits were released along with Moggallana's mother, and were reborn centuries later to these manifestations, which gets back to Charlie's question about where does all this stuff start? Beginning this beginning and this end. What do we do now? Thank you. Thank you, Hozan. Thank you, Roz. Thank you, Hozan. We have one comment I'd like to share in the... chat here, Sandeep Lahil, where there is no gaining idea, she says, there is no hungry ghost, no separation, no duality. Would you comment to that? Would you like to hear it again, Russ? One more time.

[56:35]

Yes. Where there is no gaining idea, there is no hungry ghosts, no separation, no duality. Checking in. Well, no only exists because its opposite exists. So no also means yes. Does the dog have Buddha nature? No. Does the dog have Buddha nature? Yes. So if we say no, we're doomed to be in hell because things do exist. There is suffering. So the balance between wisdom and compassion is keeping both in sight. So on the altar, the Buddha's in the middle, balancing yes and no. Yes, there are beings to save Kuan Yin.

[57:40]

No, there are no beings to save Manjushri. That's my sense of it, Sandeep. Thank you for the question. And perhaps we could talk about that again later. Thank you.

[58:02]

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