Good morning, welcome to Berkeley Zen Center. It's my pleasure to introduce this morning's speaker, Karen Sondheim. Karen has been practicing, started practicing at BCC 30 years ago, I believe. And she has 20 years, 30, who's counting? She has also practiced in a variety We all had the pleasure of hearing about Karen's practice and her wisdom while she was Shuso last spring and I'm really looking forward to hearing from her again. Thank you and good morning. This morning I'm going to talk about a 6th century poem. It's called the Xin Xin Ming. And it's written by the third Chinese ancestor, Tsang Tsang.

[01:04]

And some of you are familiar with this because for the past month I've been co-teaching a class on this with Andrea Thatch. And it's a theme that Sojin has talked about recently, the theme of faith. And during our upcoming practice period, which is going to begin in a couple of weeks, faith is going to be our theme. So I'd like to talk for a moment just about the title of the poem. Xin Xin Ming, or trust in mind, faith in mind. Xin means belief or faith. And it's not faith in the traditional sense that we've come to get used to it in terms of having faith in something or belief in something. But it's a faith that comes from our first-hand experience from our wisdom of enlightenment.

[02:10]

And it's a belief and an affirmation that all that we experience is essentially Buddha mind, our true nature. Shin literally means heart or heart mind, not the deluded mind of the ignorant, but the Buddha mind. And the word ming means literally inscription, but it can also mean admonition. So for those of you who have read the poem with us in the class, you know that the poem begins with some guidelines on seeing Buddha mind through deluded mind. The literal translation of the poem really is verses on the faith mind.

[03:14]

And of course, it's much too long to read in this short talk, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to read just a few verses, and I'm going to jump around a bit, so I'm going to take a few verses from the beginning and the middle and the end, just to give you a taste of different subjects that the poem addresses. So here's some verses from the poem. If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinions before, excuse me, for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind. Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject that we do not see the true nature of things.

[04:16]

One Dharma is not different from another. The deluded mind clings to whatever it desires. To seek mind with a discriminating mind is the greatest of all mistakes. For the unified mind, in accord with the way, all self-centered straining ceases. Doubts and irresolutions vanish, and life in true faith is possible. The principle is not hurried nor slow. One thought for 10,000 years. Faith and mind are not two. Non-duality is faith in mind. The way is beyond language. There is no past, no present, and no future. So faith in this poem, as I said, is different from believing in something.

[05:28]

Faith in this poem, like faith in Zen literature in general, is believing that the source of our awakening, our release from suffering, is through our own minds. And I was drawn to this poem from just hearing the title, Faith in Mind. I knew when I heard it that I wanted to understand it. And this is because I've always been someone who doubts. And one definition, I looked up the word doubt in the dictionary. There are many definitions, but one of them is to have a divided mind. And doubt can be anxiety, it can be fear or mistrust. It could be a doubt of oneself or a doubt in our ability to realize Buddha-mind or just a mistrust of how life is unfolding.

[06:36]

So the words of this poem encourage us to put our opinions aside and our preferences aside and to experience life with the openness of our true minds. And although I have been practicing for over 30 years I knew that I wanted to walk this path at a very young age and I had a very difficult time with faith And what really drew me to this practice was my own fear of my own mind. So when I was growing up, my family environment was very volatile. My father drank a bottle of gin every single night. And later, when I was in high school, it started in the morning, so it came out to being two bottles of gin. And I had ... my mother raged continuously about all this.

[07:45]

And ... she was very angry and very lonely. So I never knew what was really going to happen from one moment to the next. One minute there was a warm interaction, there would be laughter, and the next moment there would be screaming and yelling. and it was a very frightening environment to grow up in. So I had a big fear of the present moment and I had an even bigger fear of the next moment. So when I was about 14 I decided I wanted to be enlightened. So what that meant to me at that age was that I wanted to control my mind. I didn't really know what enlightenment meant but I knew that I wanted to be unafraid. I wanted to have a different mind than the one that I had and I thought that some many years of mental gymnastics on a cushion in a quiet place might help me do that.

[08:59]

I thought that this practice, Buddhist practice, would transform my mind. So I believed this for many years, and I would sit zazen for long periods of time, and there would be periods of tranquility, and they were worth the pain and the struggle. But ultimately, I re-experienced difficult states of mind over and over again. And I thought that through lots of practice and getting all, clearing out the mess, that underneath would lie Buddha nature. So the poem begins by saying we can't see the truth because we hold opinions for or against and then that is the mind's disease.

[10:10]

So the problem is not our mind itself but the fact that we want to pick and choose. I want tranquility but I don't want anxiety. So what strikes me most strongly about our practice is about understanding our minds as being Buddha mind. So there are two parts to faith. One of them is believing in our minds as enlightenment and the other part realizing this. And they're not really separable but it's a lifelong practice. There's a Zen saying that some of you have probably heard called great faith great doubt great determination. So when we practice Tsao Zen we're practicing faith.

[11:13]

When we notice that we're attached to something that we crave or we're disliking something that arises in the mind as we sit and we let go of that we're giving up self-centeredness. When we're not attached to me then that is to me that is faith. When we're no longer trying to fortify this concept of myself that's trust. So Buddha mind is not something that we strive for or something that we can acquire after many years of sitting or many years of meditation.

[12:18]

What I mean is that our minds right now, this minute, no matter what state of mind you may be in, no matter how you may feel right now, that is Buddha mind. Buddha mind includes doubt and fear. I've gotten into trouble craving tranquility and I've had experiences of peace that I've tried to cling to, to grasp at, and it's been impossible. because I find the next moment arrives and I don't like it. I have an opinion about the next moment. So in Satsang we practice meeting each moment equally whether it's joy or sorrow or boredom.

[13:29]

That's what's meant from the phrase in the poem, one Dharma is not different from another. When the next moment comes and we're not for or against it, our mind is unified. When our mind is unified, we're not clinging. We're not against or opposing anything. All self-centered straining ceases. A Chinese master, Sheng Yan, wrote a commentary on this poem, Faith and Mind, and he said, people imagine that getting enlightened means they will see Buddha nature within themselves. I insist there is nothing to see. Whatever you see is an illusion. Buddha nature is empty nature. The Diamond Sutra says there is no Dharma form and there is nothing that is not the form of the Dharma.

[14:38]

So there is no Buddha nature to seek and there is nothing that isn't Buddha nature. So every morning and evening here in the Zen Dojo we chant the Heart Sutra which says that we can't separate form from emptiness. or emptiness from form. We can't separate suffering from enlightenment. So there's no mind in this room which is separate from enlightenment. So the way I learned to cope when I was younger was through intellectualizing. When I was a teenager I decided that the way to freedom was acquiring a lot of knowledge. So I became a librarian. So all day long I'm surrounded by information and books.

[15:42]

And I studied a lot of literature in college so I would pride myself on analyzing characters and symbols and plots and all that kind of thing. but and I took a lot of religion classes but it never answered the question that I was carrying around with me. In fact I wasn't even sure what my question was except that I had one and it was like having a chronic illness. I really thought that I would be able to figure out something I love the line in the poem that says, to seek mind with mind, meaning the discriminating mind, is the greatest of all mistakes. We can't really figure it out. Sometimes I find myself trying to understand things, to analyze them.

[16:44]

It doesn't, it doesn't take suffering away. I think everyone's familiar with the case in the Mulan Khan, case number 19, Nansen's ordinary mind. Some of you have heard this. Joshu asked Nansen, what is the way? And Nansen answered, your ordinary mind, that is the way. Joshu said, shall I try to seek after it? And Nansen replied, the more you pursue, the more does it slip away. Joshu asked once more, how can you know it is unless I try for it? And Nansen responded, the way is not a matter of knowing or not knowing. Knowing is delusion and not knowing is confusion.

[17:52]

So when you've really reached the true way beyond doubt, you will find that it is as vast and boundless as outer space. How can it be talked about on the level of right and wrong?" And upon hearing this, Zhou Xu was awakened. So Mu Man made a comment. Nansen dissolved and melted away before Joshu's questions and could not offer an explanation. Even though Joshu comes to a realization, he must delve into it for another 30 years before he could fully understand it. I wanted to say something about my favorite line in the whole poem, which is, this principle is neither hurried nor slow, one thought for 10,000 years.

[19:01]

Now, I can't explain why I love this line so much, particularly one thought for 10,000 years. And when I tried to understand what it meant, first of all I was very moved by it. It inspired me to practice. But I spent a lot of time trying to analyze it. And the poem, this line is in a verse which talks about time and space and how it's a false construction. So we create time and space. But that doesn't really help me. That's not why I was moved by the poem, understanding that. So, I spoke to Sojin, and I've asked him this question before, how can one practice if one doesn't understand?

[20:06]

And he told me that, and that was not for the first time, that You don't need to understand it to practice it. So I asked him, well, what do you think this means? One thought 10,000 years or one thought for 10,000 years. And he said it meant unending faith, ceaseless faith. And I knew he was right when he said that. Because what I imagined when I heard that line I could feel the heartbeat of all the Buddhas and the ancestors and all the people in our Sangha and in all the other Sanghas all continuing endlessly

[21:10]

Sheng Yin says, at the tip of a fine strain of hair, all the Buddhas of the Three Times and the Ten Directions are turning the Dharma Wheel. I'd like to end and then ask for some questions or comments. But I just wanted to make a comment about doubt. Doubt can take the form of anxiety and suffering but it is also our question. And in Zen practice we talk so much about koans because they're questions just like Joshua asked Nam Sen. And we can contemplate the same question for years. Sometimes we don't even know what the question is that we're really asking. So for me doubt is a koan.

[22:18]

It's a gate, it's an opening. One can practice faith-mind wholeheartedly by contemplating doubt. By opening to doubt. By putting one's complete attention on it And I think the faith mind lies there. Does anyone have a question or comment? Yes. I think we can practice faith through doubt by fully putting our undivided attention on doubt however we experience that.

[23:41]

We view so many things as obstacles but they're not really obstacles. Yes. Well, actually that's a great question.

[24:51]

I experience that every day. I supervise a staff. And I have people who I have to correct. For example, I mentioned this in the class on Thursday, but I had to confront somebody who was not performing properly. And, like you're saying, it makes you angry at times. Well, I was feeling angry about someone who was not helping other people, was not doing his job, was not being honest about not doing his job.

[25:57]

Now, what I could have done, in my mind I imagined expressing anger towards him and being justified about it and feeling right about it. and that's where the attachment to opinions comes in. I think it's really helpful to let go of one's own attachment to the opinion and just try to help this person without all the emotion behind it. I was very fortunate in the moment that I had to speak to this staff person that I let go of my feeling that I was right. I still had to say the same things I had to say, but it's our attachment to our opinions that really caused the problem.

[27:07]

It's kind of unfortunate in a way when I read this that, you know, I just picked certain parts of the poem. So you probably don't have a sense of what this whole poem is really like. But the way it begins is by saying that our way is not difficult. We just need to let go of preferences. We're very attached to what we like and don't like. Jake. Thank you Karen. In your everyday life, off the cushion, you find you have preferences and attachments. How do you let go of them? Are you doing a self-talk? Well, I'm blessed with the opportunity to see this arise moment by moment. You know, I work in a public library.

[28:13]

I manage a branch. I spend eight hours a day in public. And I cannot escape from that. And so every little problem that occurs is my problem in that moment. And it's pretty consistent all day long. So I can easily see I watch my attachments and aversions just come up repeatedly and I actually am grateful for this job because it's ... I see somebody come up to me who I've dealt with every single day, for example, who might who causes trouble and I watch my own opinions come up and it's not helpful for me to prejudge what's going to happen. I see a preference arise, I see myself perhaps not want to talk to this person but when I see that happening when I watch my own reaction and just drop it in that moment

[29:30]

things go pretty well. And you can't look at it as, I'm going to do this for the rest of my life or even today. That's too big. It's really moment by moment. What am I going to do this moment? You relate to this one person right now. It's not helpful to set a goal that's too high. It's not even, it's a fantasy, really. Anyway, the only thing we really have is this moment to work with. So, that's what, I think working with preferences is like that, and that's all we can do. That's a great question because It's very confusing the difference between those two things Not caring has a lot of self in it.

[30:59]

It's like I don't care It's pushing something away usually. So here we're walking a very fine line between grasping at things and pushing things away. We do it all the time as we go through life. Liking and disliking. Not caring I think is a kind of dislike. It's a non-engagement. What this practice is really about is engaging with each moment. Not backing away. meeting each person. And that's, it's hard to do that. Does that make sense to you? Are you talking about political action?

[32:11]

Can you give me an example? In family relationships, I have a lot of strong opinions about how children should be raised. I see habits in a family that are likely to create damage. Well, I think it's helpful to look at what you can actually effectively do. I mean, I don't know the details of your situation.

[33:20]

It's hard to tell other people how to parent. I have difficulty with my sister and her parenting. And I take care of my two nephews fairly often. I know she would never even want to hear my opinion. And what I'm trying to do is just, when I'm with the children, act in accordance with my vows. I think that's about as much as I can do. Paul. Well, it's really about not being attached to preferences. You know, as I said, the word Ming and Xin Xin Ming, one of the meanings is admonition, even warning.

[34:52]

That's one translation. It sounds a little bit heavy handed when you first read the poem. And I can see why it sounds that way. But it's really not possible to not have preferences. It just isn't the way we are. Our minds think. that's what minds do, and they attach to things. You know, when they, we can't help it, we live in the world that we live in with the minds that we have. We say that clinging and aversion is delusion, but that's what we all have to work with. So there's no judgment intended, It's really a guideline on seeing with our big minds, understanding Buddha mind.

[36:01]

We're always going to be living with both things, they're not really separable. I'm just wondering how you distinguish between them. In Buddhist practice we say that we practice seeing things just as they are.

[37:05]

Not good, not bad, not positive, not negative. We don't want to create fantasies about how things could be or should be. Now when one ceases to overlay reality with our own thoughts of negativity, that's something we try to let go of. So that's not exactly positive thinking, but we really let go of positive and negative thinking, just thinking all together. That might not make sense, because it's impossible to do. Rondi. I'm wondering, in these intense conversational situations, what is your awareness of how we might need to address

[38:22]

As I was describing earlier, I often try to return to my breath when a difficult situation arises, like at work. But actually I don't usually have time even to think about that, but I think that's a good way to work with a difficult situation. For me, though, what I try to do is to let go of my opinions. So if I don't respond immediately and I'm quiet, then there's a space created and I can calm myself down.

[39:42]

I can respond and also give the other person room to engage or disengage or whatever. I see what you're saying. I think that's really a good way to work with it. Because when we return to our breath in a very volatile situation, we are letting go of our attachment to the outcome and to our own emotions. And there is this space which other people pick up upon. They feel it. When I had to critique that staff member this week I was prepared, I felt like I was very right and I was prepared to say something emphatically like

[40:54]

you can't do this anymore." And I felt that I was right but then I also realized that was not going to create the effect that I wanted to have because this is really about cooperation. It's not really about who's right or who's wrong. And fortunately I was able to let go of that right beforehand and not present it in that fashion. And then there was a response from him that was positive. It's almost time to stop. Is there one more question? Nancy? Well, I was trying to get together a question that addressed just what you're talking about just now. And I suppose if you could go on with that, I mean, a little bit. You created something that allowed him to give you a positive response.

[42:02]

That's sort of like a page turner. How did you do that? Well, it was just fortunate that I realized what I was doing at the last minute. I could see how my own attachment to my opinion So when someone asks, you know, what's wrong with having preferences or opinions, it doesn't mean that you don't see what needs to be done. Something needs to be done. But it means you actually created a change in him to maybe do better or somehow come... Well, I think he was more receptive to listening to me and we were able to mutually come to an agreement. So the verdict still... True. Yeah, that's true.

[43:02]

But it was a good experience. I know. I didn't make him angry or resistant and the conversation went well. But I had to see myself first. I had to see my own attachment to my... So there's soil there that could see... Well, not maybe, you know, where there were before. But yes, and I think the important thing for me is to be open each moment to what's going to unfold.

[43:40]

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