I love to taste the truth that lies in the darkness. Good morning. Well, on the last day of Sashin, there's often a tendency to feel that we're heading for the home stretch. So it reminds me of going to a baseball game, and around the eighth inning, people feel that they know what the score is going to be and they start leaving. They're more interested in the score, they're not so interested in the game. But as they say in baseball, it ain't over till it's over. So I want to encourage everyone to continue your effort all the way to the very end.

[01:02]

The last moment is really important. I think in Japan, when they serve green tea, they keep pouring until they get to the last drop. And the last drop is called life, life of the tea. It's called, I don't know what they call it in Japanese, but it's called the life of the tea, the very last drop. And in Sishin, The last moment is really important. It's kind of like singing a song. When you sing a song, you don't end by dribbling off.

[02:15]

Some songs do end up slowing down. But generally, you have the same effort at the end as you do at the beginning. So how we end is really important and how we continue when there's some anticipation. How we take care of our anticipation is important. Tomorrow lazy day. But today, we put our effort in all the way. So tomorrow is tomorrow, but today is today. There is no such thing as tomorrow. Tomorrow just exists as an idea in our head.

[03:16]

Tomorrow is really an abstract concept, but we believe in it, and we prepare for it, which is necessary. But it's interesting. It's an idea that we have. Because if there was a tomorrow, it would exist right now. So there is no tomorrow, but tomorrow will be today. So tomorrow will say, this is today. Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I didn't really get a chance to talk about the subject so much last time because of the questions, but the last subjects are about mind and mind-objects in this sutra.

[04:53]

The ninth one is about being aware of the mind. And the tenth one is allowing the mind to be peaceful and happy. And the eleventh one is concentrating the mind on one thing. And the twelfth one is liberating the mind. And the 13th one is observing the impermanent nature of all dharmas. And the 14th one is observing the fading of all dharmas. And the 5th one is contemplating liberation. And the 6th one is letting go. But these are all subtle qualities of the same thing, subtle aspects.

[06:04]

And in our zazen, the way that it's been expressed to us, all these elements are here. But we don't usually analyze in this kind of a breakdown, minute kind of breakdown. But as I said, it's very interesting to break down, lay out these elements and to look at them. So it might appear as if this is some kind of goal, as if we're trying to attain some kind of goal of liberation. But in Zazen itself, Zazen itself is the expression of enlightenment and liberation. and all of these factors are contained within zazen itself. Suzuki Roshi described breath as a swinging door.

[07:11]

Breath comes in the throat and goes out the throat, comes into the lungs goes out of the lungs. I talked about this before. It's just universal activity. It's just the activity of the universe. What's the universe doing? Well, let's take a look. What's the great activity of the universe? What's the purpose of life? What is this great activity? Let the breath come and go. Watch it. This is the universe expressing itself. But we usually think, my breath, I'm breathing.

[08:14]

We get all mixed up in me and mine. That's why if we let go, when we let go, we can't just let the universe performance function and be aware. So letting go of everything, just allow the universe to carry you along, to carry you along and see how it functions and how it goes and let it be. So if we look at number 13, the 13th method for breathing proposed by the Buddha,

[09:31]

aims at observation to shed light on the impermanent nature of all dharmas, or all phenomena, to watch everything as it comes and goes. This is impermanence. Nothing is permanent. There is no I that has its own being, as we say in the Heart Sutra. But at the same time, everything is interdependent. So impermanence and interdependence are two aspects of the same thing. If you say impermanent, it means interdependent. And if you say interdependent, it means impermanent. So what is impermanent is the way all dharmas come together. all the forms which are composed of the various dharmas are impermanent.

[10:42]

And yet there's some sense of independence. So we say one and two, or not one and not two. I feel like I'm somebody. That's independence. We should all feel independent. Who are you? Someone asks, who are you? You should be able to say, this is who I am. At the same time, this is not who I am. I'm like a, right now, a little knot in the thread of life. Each one of us is like a little knot in the thread of life.

[11:47]

The thread of life forms this little thread, forms this little knot, and another knot, and another knot, and you take both ends and go... But yet you still have the thread. thread is there making these various knots. But we get the knots should be bows and not grannies. Hopefully they're nice loose knots that form themselves easily and come undone easily. But they usually turn into square knots and grannies and they're very hard to untie. As Dalai Lama was saying yesterday, the heart depends on the blood. All the parts of the body are just parts.

[12:59]

Everything is just composed of little atoms mixing up, coming together, dissolving. Who am I, anyway? Just universal activity. It's wonderful. The wonderful thing is impermanence. The problem that we have is we think impermanence is something awful. We think that we die is something terrible. When we cry at a funeral, It's for ourself. No use crying for the person that died. Doesn't help. When the sixth patriarch died, was getting ready to die, all of his disciples started crying.

[14:10]

He said, don't cry. He said, if you knew what was happening to me, you wouldn't be crying. You're only crying because you don't understand. You know Tozan Ryokai, Master Tozan, there's this story, I don't know whether the story is true or not, but when he was going to die, he said, I think You should prepare for my funeral. And so all of his disciples got really worried. But they went ahead and prepared for his funeral. And he laid down. I don't know how he died. Maybe he put his legs in lotus posture and closed his eyes and died.

[15:14]

And then all of his disciples started crying. And he opened his eyes. And he said, how are you guys? You just don't have it yet. He says, I'll give you one week. He said, I want you to create a delusion-dissolving meal one week from now. have this meal and celebrate my debt and hopefully you will come to your senses. So they had this, his disciples worked all week and they created this big banquet and they had this banquet and he said, now I am going, please take care of yourselves and died. finally.

[16:17]

And all of his disciples were enlightened. I'm not saying that you shouldn't cry when someone dies. You should cry when someone dies. To not cry when someone dies can be very callous. So there are a lot of reasons why we cry when someone dies. And we should cry and then go about our business. Let go. So really cry. Really have a good cry when you cry when someone dies. That is if you feel that way. When Suzuki Roshi died, I remember just before he died, you know, all of the disciples went into his room. And he was, you know, you could see that he was really on his last breaths. And everyone was crying, except one person, who I won't name.

[17:23]

And I thought, it's great, you know, it's really enlightening not to cry, but you should really be crying. So there are two sides. One is, we really should acknowledge our sentiment. On the other hand, we should understand what's going on. Not get caught thinking, this shouldn't happen, this shouldn't be. The reason it's happening is because this is the way things should be. If we didn't die, everyone would still be here.

[18:29]

We don't have enough food to feed everybody, yes it is. No we do, it's just the distribution that's bad. But this should help us to understand who we are. We know that everything is impermanent, but we need to realize it in our body, in our mind. And not just accept it, but enjoy it. When we know that life is impermanent, this should bring us joy. Why isn't it bringing us joy? We should be happy to know that life is impermanent and that all things are interdependent.

[19:45]

So there's our separate existence, and then there's life itself. So our life, our true life, is the life of all things. This should make us very happy. Our real life is the life that exists independent and dependent on me. As Thich Nhat Hanh does say, this table exists because of all the things that are not this table. All the non-table elements are what are what causes this table to exist.

[20:50]

So this table is a table, but this table is not a table. The old saying, you know, before you practice, the table is just a table. put yourself into practice, the table is not a table. And then after you have understanding, the table is just a table, but with a difference. So before you start to practice, you think, I am me. What I am is me. And then when you get into practice, It all comes apart. We have a terrible time. What I am is not me. And then when we have understanding, we realize that, yeah, I'm just me, but I am not just me.

[22:04]

I'm not one, and I'm not two. So when we sit zazen, when we do seshin, it's just expressing not one, not two. Breath is like a swinging door. Inhaling, exhaling. You don't have anything to do with it. The blood runs through the body. You don't have anything to do with it. The heart's beating. It's not none of your business. We're mostly water, scientifically. I remember when I was a kid, you know, the kid finds out that we're 98% water. That's a great revelation. Do you know that a person is 98% water?

[23:11]

So we should practice like water because we're water. We should know how water practices. Water always seeks the lowest level. It's always looking for the lowest level and runs real fast there. The truth of life is in plumbing. If you know about plumbing, you understand something about reality. You cannot fool water. You get those pipes lined up, you think, now it's all lined up, you know. But you know that there's a little bend there, but, you know, we hope that when you turn on the water,

[24:21]

So, water is always seeking truth, and always tells the truth, and always looks for the lowest place. And because water always looks for the lowest place, it gets the highest seat. If you want to advance in Zen practice, you should always look for the lowest place. Advancing in Zen practice does not mean to be the director of Tassajara or the abbot or have some position that is in contrast to someone else's position. It means always look for the lowest place.

[25:30]

to just do the work that is in front of you as the greatest work possible. The most wonderful thing, the most wonderful job you have is to take care of the work that's right in front of you, as if it was the most wonderful work there was ever in this world. If you can do that, people will offer you all kinds of wonderful things, but if you keep saying, I want to do this and I want to do that, how come they don't let me do this, how come they don't let me do that, you always stay down. Everybody says, don't bother me, don't bother me. This is like the truth of water.

[26:36]

Not to seek anything. We're practicing Zen, right? We're not practicing how to get ahead in the world. Has nothing to do with how to get ahead in the world. So, someone who just does, you know, what they're asked. We hate that, you know. All my life I've done what I was asked, you know. If I do what they ask me to do, how do I know that they won't trample all over me? How do I know that I won't be steamrolled? If I say yes to everything, how do I know that I won't become a robot and people will just move me? That's most everybody's concern.

[27:50]

They'll take my freedom away from me. We don't want to take your freedom away, we just want to take your ego away. But we equate our freedom with our ego. This is the problem. So we want to put you in the bucket and wash you, you know, and wash the ego out and hang you up to dry. But there's always this A little critter in there. A little demon, you know, wriggling around. Doesn't want to let go. It's hard, hard stuff. This is the difficult part of practice. Sashin, sansa, is not so hard. The pain in your legs is not so hard. The hard part is the ego.

[28:55]

Letting go of the ego. You know, when you have a job, someone says, please do this. You can think, well, how would you like me to do it? Well, I'd like you to do it like that. And then you make sure that you have all the particulars so that you know that you're doing, you want to do it in the right way. Not your way, but the right way. But so often we say, well, I know how to do that. I've done this before. I was a chef in a French restaurant. I know how to cook. Suzuki Roshi would not let a chef in a French restaurant enter the kitchen. So, as much as we want to assert our own way, somebody would say, that's not what I want.

[30:00]

I want to do this. I don't want to have to tell you how to do something. I don't want to tell you how to do it. You should ask me, how shall I do it? How shall I do it is the key to practice. How do you want me to do it? Or how should I do it? Tell me exactly what's on your mind. And then, after a while, the person will say, well, you do it your own way. You know how to do it. But if you keep saying, I know how to do it, Don't tell me, I know. You never get anywhere, because you set up a resistance. It's just the law of resistance. Of action and reaction. An opposite equal reaction to an action.

[31:03]

So anyway, this is important information and it has to do with how we deal with our ego and what actually we're looking for in our practice. So to be compliant doesn't mean to just be subservient. That means to willingly give yourself to something. To willingly be part of something without asserting ego. So the French chef, when he goes into the kitchen, should act as if he didn't know anything at all.

[32:15]

And then everything that you're asked to do, you learn something new. It's wonderful. Your mind is completely open, and you're learning new things all the time, even though you already know them. I've never heard that phrase before. I think, yeah, that's right. I've heard it too. There's a right way, the wrong way, and what is the Zen way? But I just said it. Yes, that's right. What? It's not right, it's sin. It's not right, it's sin. Ramana. If this practice is tiring, does that mean I still need to go involved? Hiring?

[33:25]

Well, work hard and get tired. That's what we do. We work hard and we get tired. It doesn't necessarily mean there's ego involved, but resistance will really make us tired. Resistance is what makes us tired beyond being tired, beyond the normal tired. So, you know, resistance and anguish and various emotional problems make us very tired. So usually a person who doesn't have so much resistance will have a lot of energy, much more buoyant energy, kind of bright and buoyant energy. A good example actually of a Zen student who doesn't have much ego is brightness and buoyancy. If I'm working in the kitchen and a chef comes in and he knows more than maybe the crew that's in there, and the chef is given instructions on how to make a soup, and he knows that making a soup in this particular way might ruin it, what should the chef do?

[35:00]

Ruin it. And that's what he would learn? Yes. He would learn that the person who told him how to make the soup was responsible. And then the person who said, make the soup this way, would learn the lesson. Hopefully. Should they then ask the chef how they should have done it? And then, that's right, and then, The person who told the chef how to make the soup the wrong way would say, well, how would you make it? And then would give the responsibility over to the French chef. So that's how the French chef gets the responsibility, is by not assuming it, but by putting themselves in a position to be asked to do something. So we always have to hold back and allow

[36:03]

the operation to work in your favor, without cunning, without being manipulative. If you trust your position as water, then you trust that truth will work for you, That's the main thing. You don't have to assert yourself. Truth, if it's really truth, and it's really correct, then it will work for you. So if you put your faith in what's correct and what's truthful, that truth and that correctness will work for you eventually. It may not right away, but eventually it will. And then you learn that instead of asserting yourself. I guess I have a problem with what you're saying in that... Of course.

[37:14]

We always have a problem. I mean, I think you're right at that point, you know, that you make it the way the instructions are given. But that's that moment. The next moment something different is happening. And I think the person making the soup has the responsibility of informing this person what's going on. Because instructions are one thing. but the process is a whole other thing. You know, everything is different every time. It will never be the same. Yes. So, I mean, there is responsibility there in giving information. Yes, there's responsibility in giving information. Not just saying, well, they told me this three hours ago and here it is. Well, you know, this is, when we talk about the way things work, there's always It doesn't work in black and white. It's sounding that way. I just wanted to flush it out.

[38:15]

Yeah, well it doesn't work in black and white. Of course, there are shades of how you respond to a situation. But on the other hand, the basic thing is to allow the person that's instructing you to find out their own problem. You don't have to point it out. And sometimes you don't want to ruin the soup, you know, and so you set up an opposition. But sometimes it's good to just let the soup be ruined. Do you hear what I'm saying? Yeah. You're repeating the same thing you said. I know, I'm saying... I understand what you said, but I'm sticking to what I... Yeah, this is not an opposition, I'm just saying there's... Sometimes you have to... You know, you might have more information than the person instructing you that you didn't have at that point.

[39:25]

You know, things happen as they go along, and you do have responsibility of informing. Giving that information, doesn't mean you do it any differently, or that the instructions will be different. Yeah, the whole thing depends on attitude. Attitude, how you do something with the correct attitude. If you inform with an egotistical attitude, then nobody will listen to you. The one who tells you will not listen, because you're setting up an opposition. So if it's done without self-centeredness, then it can be helpful. There are a lot of ways to do things. And also, there's always an argument against whatever is put forward.

[40:27]

You know, well, but what about this and what about that? Yes, there are all these exceptions make the rule. And life is not black and white, and so sometimes you might have to say something, you know. It's not following rules rigidly. It's attitude that I'm talking about. I'm not talking about rules. So within an attitude, anything can come up. Anyway, all kinds of ways of behavior can be expressed. But it's attitude. Read between the lines. As I said before, I'm not talking about, this is the way you always do everything. I would never say that. Does that make sense? You're talking... I'm not... I'm not talking about something different.

[41:29]

Okay, maybe I understand. I agree with everything you're saying. Something happens between this moment and that moment. Yeah, I agree. You know, things are changing all the time. Absolutely. It doesn't mean doing it your way or keeping your eyes open. Absolutely. Yeah. I agree completely with you. Is water turning to ice? The ice is melting and turning to water. But I agree with you completely. Every moment has its own indicators, you know, and we have to respond that way. And I won't forget that. I kind of wonder whether, how much that's my own blindness or what it has to do with, but there seems to be a large discrepancy between the ideal you're talking about and people demonstrating that in the world.

[42:58]

Well, I think that we should not depend on others. Our comparing, you know. can be kind of a problem. This is Jetson, but I don't see all these people looking enlightened. What about your own practice? It's easy to just see that nobody else is doing something, but how will I do it? I see all the students And I know who's doing things and who's not doing them and what everybody's problem is, but I don't fault people for it. If I faulted everyone, I couldn't work with anything. I see everyone either not quite understanding or understanding and not quite being able to do something, but everybody is trying to do something. We're all trying to do something.

[44:00]

The main thing is the effort. Whether we're perfect, whether we all turn out perfect or not, it's not the point. But everyone's making an effort to do something, either to try to understand or try to, you know, and looking. And the reason I have to talk about it is because we don't see it so much. You know? Because it is a problem. This is a big problem. It's one of the biggest problems we have. It's not an easy thing to do. Very difficult. So I see, you know, yeah, people don't do this, that's why I'm talking about it. If we all did it, there wouldn't be any reason to talk about it. So I agree with you, on one hand. But on the other hand, I have a lot of faith in everybody, you know. I don't see us as being at fault. I just, it's like, children, you know.

[45:12]

I don't say that we're all children, but I mean, we are, at the same time. And, you know, we're all trying to grow up, actually, is what we're trying to do. And we think that after you're a child, you become an adult and you're all grown up, which is not right, because most of the grown-ups are not grown up. We grow up, you know, one side grows up and the other side stays here, right? The apple is green on one side and brown on the other. So we have a lot of green spots. You know, these apples have a lot of green spots. And so we have to bring ourselves into balance, you know, all the parts of ourselves into balance with all the other parts, you know. Somebody may be well-developed up here and really immature down here, and everybody has these imbalances. We all have these imbalances in our personality. So what we're trying to do is get it in balance and have balance upekka, you know, equanimity, means everything in balance, called samadhi.

[46:28]

That's what we're trying to do. So yes, you know, we don't do it. We don't act that way. I agree. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. But I would like us to start thinking about acting this way, that's why I'm talking about it. When you were talking about, you know, when the person asked you to do something a certain way, the feeling I kept getting is we're all in a relationship with each other and so if a person because you're doing certain things has an ego in the way you do then you're listening to each other well that's ideal and so that's like a kind of problem with trying to hear what you're saying, although I feel... But you see, when you act this way, you allow the other person to let go of their ego. Exactly. And that's what I mean, though. That's the part that it's hard to quite see, is that it's actually in the relationship.

[47:34]

I think when Gloria was talking about each moment changing, that's what I was getting at. Each moment, you know, you're learning from the relationship with each other. Of course. And so your egos keep shifting, shifting, shifting, and then, you know, And so you have to go moment by moment with the way things flow. when there's no ego on either side asserting there's no subject no object and it's not a dualistic activity but allowing yourself to be to do something is to allow the other person also to

[48:45]

let go. But, sure, sometimes a person who is directing you will have a big ego. And you have to deal with that. So, it's not simple. But, you have to learn some skill. And unless you, as long as you hang on to ego, you can't learn this skill. You can only learn this skill when you let go. So you have to take that chance that you might be beat up a little bit. But it's not as bad as the being beat up that you take defending your ego. That's really being beat up. So Anyway, it's not, you can talk about it, you know, but if you can kind of get what I'm saying without hanging on to the words.

[50:01]

Terry? I was going to say, there's a quality of deep exhalation involved in the exchange of good information. And you know you are, but things slow down again. You know, a skillful cook can make a soup with just tomatoes and a little bit of salt. But for me it's that, I'm pretty glad I'm not slowing down. And allowing other people to come into the scene. That's what I've discovered. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Inquisition. Charlie? Part of how I understand what you're saying too is that we have so much attachment to deceit being perfect.

[51:13]

Yeah. And I think that's the main thing. Especially at Casa Jara. And maybe we found... I guess it's a matter of priorities, is it more important to really be responding in an appropriate way or is it more important to make a super? That's right, it's a matter of priorities. Sometimes it's more important to make the soup right and sometimes the interaction is more important than the soup and you have to be able to discern which is which. So this is the problem, and it's a whole other subject, appropriate action, because we have our goals, right? We have to make the soup, we have to build something, and so we have all these objects in mind as goals which we want to accomplish, and these are just materialistic things, accomplishments.

[52:26]

How do I, how am I paying attention to how I'm doing something? How am I paying attention to the breath, you know, or to settling on myself, or paying attention to when walking, just walk. When meeting someone, just meet someone without having anything in the heart. How to just be empty. How to just be unassuming. And so this is our practice. The second part is our practice. The first part is just the mechanics of how you live. You're going somewhere. You're going to your cabin. That's the goal. And you have that in your mind. But how do you get there? What's the process of getting there? You're living your life by putting your feet one in front of the other. This is the important thing about practice.

[53:29]

You're living your life by putting one foot in front of the other and paying attention, not by trying to get somewhere. There is a place you're trying to get, that's important, but you don't want to miss your life by not paying attention to your steps and not paying attention to how you interact with whatever is in front of you. It's not just people. I mean, we're interacting with all the phenomena. That's our practice. How do you pick up a teacup and put it down? Pick up a cup with two hands and drink it. That's practice. So how we interact with phenomena and with each other, that's important. But what we do is get all involved in our project, you know, and we have to do this, we have to accomplish that, we have to get this out and that out.

[54:38]

We do have to do those things, but we have to do them with consciousness of this other side, which is the important part. I don't say the important part, but just as important. That's called practice. And then we make our mistakes, and then we try to do something better next time. Try to improve. Not improve, but be careful. So zazen expresses all these things. Zazen is just an expression of enlightenment. There's no accomplishment. If you can just sit still, that's an accomplishment.

[55:43]

If you can sit still in the midst of activity, if you can find the stillness within the midst of dynamic activity, within dynamic activity to be completely still. And within your stillness to be dynamically active. You're just expressing that reality.

[56:18]

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