Well, sometimes you want to just have it all yourself. What's that say? Mostly. Mostly you want to have it all for yourself. How does that feel when you have it all for yourself? It's good. Good. It's like everyone agrees. Okay. Here's the other person. It's not that. I think what he means is that it's okay to share, as long as the share isn't too fair. Having to share isn't too fair? And the unfairness is on your side. So you want to keep it for yourself because it doesn't feel so good to give it away. It feels unfair to give it away. Yeah, but you should give something. Don't give stuff away. What's the kind of stuff that you give away?

[01:05]

Usually clothes. Like things you outgrow, you don't need anymore? Huh? Or things you don't like. I think a lot of us agree with that, or can share those feelings. I want to read a story about a different kind of sharing and see what you think about it. It's called Too Many Mangoes. It's from Sam and Eli. They shared it with us today. So I'm going to see if I can read it upside down so everyone can look at the pictures because they're really cute. I'm going to change the gender roles in the story a little bit if I can. Nani and her brother Kama love to climb in the giant mango tree when they visit their grandpa's house. Nani can climb up high and she helps Kama find a special branch to sit on.

[02:09]

Grandpa comes outside and asks Kama to pick some mangoes. Kama reaches and tugs on the mangoes one by one and passes them to Nani. And then she passes them to Grandpa. There are big ones, small ones, ripe ones, green ones. Some have brown spots on them. Good ones, bad ones, maybe. Grandpa looks over the huge pile of mangoes and he says, there are too many mangoes here for our small family. Take them down the road and share them with some of our neighbors. What do you think? They don't like it. They don't want to share the mangoes? They just want to be greedy and keep it to themselves. OK. Well, let's see what they do. Oh, especially the younger mangoes. That's what I do. That's right. What happens when you run out of all those mangoes you've given them all away?

[03:12]

You don't have any. That's right. Except you have to go up into the tree and pick some more. If there are any left. Right. Well, Kama and Nani load the mangoes in a little red wagon, and they pull it up the road to the first house. There are even little dogs even helping them there. Aloha, Auntie Poha. Grandpa said to give you some mangoes, Nani explained. Mahalo, children. These mangoes will make delicious mango bread, Auntie Poha says, especially the spotty ones. They're perfect. Oh good, she took the bad spot. He wants rice. Oh, but look. Here's some banana, macadamia, and muffins that I made, that I baked this morning. Mahaloha for sharing, says Auntie Paula. At your trouble. I'll give you something, but what do I get in exchange, huh?

[04:18]

Banana, macadamia, and makati, please. I think they traded up. Yeah. So it is. The basic human condition. They see their friends at the next house. Kana and Nani sing out, Aloha, Mommy. Aloha, Kawaii. Grandpa has too many mangoes. Oh, I love to eat ripe mangoes, says Mani. They both take a few golden ones, and then they'll say thank you. Here's some papayas for your family. And this is for you. Kaya and Nani visit the next neighbor. Aloha, Mr. Wong. Grandpa has some mangoes for you today, Kama says. He takes a few green mangoes and says, Green mango with soya, vinegar, and chili pepper water is the best.

[05:23]

Who would have thought? And this is Long that made some guava jam. Here's some guava jam for you. And that's a tree. Who would have guessed? Each neighbor that they visit gives them something in return. Lonnie likes pickled mangoes. She takes some of the half-ripe ones and gives them some bananas in exchange. And at the next neighbor's house, they give away some other mangoes and receive an orchid for their yard. Finally, they went to every house in the block and they realized that they had given away all the mangoes. Yet, their cart was completely full. Grandpa sees Kama and Nani returning home. Nani excitedly says, Grandpa, we were able to share all of the mangoes.

[06:26]

She shows Grandpa all of the wonderful gifts that they received from their neighbors. Nani puts the orchid plant on the table. Kama gives each of them a muffin, guava jam to put on it. And Grandpa makes a papaya, banana, and mango salad together. Now he picks up a big slice of mango, and she smiles and says, we're lucky, Grandpa, that we had too many mangoes. So basically, the good thing about sharing is that you get free food and stuff. That's one possibility. Usually when you share, you don't get anything back. Uh-huh. What happens if you give something and your neighbor doesn't give you anything in return? What does that feel like?

[07:27]

You take your stuff back. And how does that feel? Then you want to give it back. Then you want to give the mango back to them again? Yeah. I would say you can get the mango. I'll give you the mango if you give me something. And why do you want something in return? I don't know. Well, personally, I don't like mangoes, so I would... You know, you said you give the mango, and then they don't give you anything, so you take it back, but then you feel bad. Why do you feel bad? I don't know. It's because you feel greedy. You feel bad that you took it back. What's it mean to be greedy?

[08:30]

Wanting more of something. Why do you think that feels bad? Don't we all want more? Basically, yeah. Well, I think that's the heart of it. We basically all want more. And how is it that we feel like we want to give things away without getting something in return? Well, maybe we'll explore that a little bit more. And you're welcome to stay if you want. We have some bananas and nectarines that are left over from the kitchen. Thank you. Actually, I'm OK.

[09:40]

Well that's an honest answer to the way in which our minds usually work, huh? I think. So this is a talk about taking, giving and receiving. And it was inspired by something that I've been thinking about a great deal and a particular incident that happened to me. And something that I've been thinking about a great deal is my relationship to time. I spend a lot of time, let's say I've gotten to the point in my life where it's evident that my body has given me information that I'm not going to go on forever, that this is not a permanent situation that I'm in. And so it's time to pay more attention to what it is that I'm doing. I spend a lot of time walking in Mountain View Cemetery.

[11:16]

I don't know if any of you go there. It's really beautiful. I think it's an architectural landmark. It's a place my dog really enjoys being. And I actually have always enjoyed walking in cemeteries because I like reading the gravestones. And you'll see I like reading the names of the people and think about the people who came from Norway, England, and Wales in the 1800s who were born in Needham, Massachusetts and died in Stockton and were buried here in 1877. The Jews who were born in Russia, Lithuania, and Germany before the Holocaust and somehow made it out to live out their lives here. The people who were devoted husbands loving brothers, the man whose picture depicts him as watching TV and having a beer with his friends. I wonder who all these people were.

[12:17]

And I look at the gravestones that are half buried in the dirt and the dates and names are barely legible and I think, what's so important about this life that stays on after a person dies. And one day I was walking, thinking about a particular point of view I had about something, some latest little gyration that my mind was caught on, and I thought, in 50 years, who cares? In five years, what difference does it make? And really, tomorrow, is this so important? And it was a moment of kind of waking up and wondering what my life is about and what it is that I really hold on to. We all do it in different ways. We have our precious possessions, the ones that we never give away, whether it's grandma's hope chest or maybe that college text that you read 30 years ago that was a transformative class that

[13:26]

Somehow you can't get off your bookshelf even though you haven't opened it in 29 years. Or that great essay that you once wrote. Yesterday I had a spontaneous conversation with my upstairs neighbor who was musing about how when he was 14 he grew out a ponytail as a way of rebellion to the suburban middle class white suburb he grew up in out east and it took him 25 years before he cut it off because he couldn't quite give up the idea that it meant something about who he was. So we all have these things. In Buddhism we call them the thirsting desires. The desires that we have for pleasure to escape the transiency of our life. The desire for continuation of our existence. and the desire for power and prosperity. They're called the holy truth and I really like that terminology because holy means to be regarded with or deserving special respect or reverence.

[14:38]

Special respect or reverence because it's truly a part of the human condition. It's part of the conundrum or koan that we practice with our whole life. draw we have to a certain kind of self-protectiveness, a certain kind of greediness or selfishness, that's what we work with. And gradually, with time, we let go of more and more of that, but there are, as we unpeel those layers, those things about ourselves, our storylines that are most precious to us. And that's the part that keeps arising. Why does this matter so much to me? In Buddhism, we also talk about giving and there are three kinds of giving. There's the giving of the material. There's the giving of Dharma, a line of a sutra, something wise that you say to someone that's grounded out of your understanding.

[15:45]

of reality, of things as they are, and fearlessness. In Buddhism there are four kinds of fearlessness, but I think really they boil down to a willingness to release everything, to release that which we hold most dear, and meet circumstances completely. That's the generosity of fearlessness. It's interesting to me that fits so closely with the dictionary definition. Generosity means being liberal in giving or sharing. We get that, being willing to give away your mangoes even though you don't know you're going to get something back. But also characterized by an ability of forbearance, thought, and action. Equanimity. So that forbearance, thought, and action to me means when being willing to set aside my opinions about things, being willing to set aside my sense of what I want in a circumstance, or my point of view in a circumstance, and really fully receive what's happening.

[17:00]

That's one example of generosity. It's a complete receptiveness to what is happening. I think it's most usual to relate to life as a thing, as something that's outside of ourselves, something that we get to keep, like we get to keep a possession. We get to keep our history, our stories, so I'm going to hold on to that college thesis until I die because it says something about me. Our accomplishments, all the letters of thank you or telling us where. good person we've been in certain circumstances. Or our stories, whatever kind of story it is, the story that I'm always going to be alone, or I'm a lonely person, or I'm a brave good person, whatever that story is, we cling to it and it somehow becomes one of our most precious possessions, but it's really outside of us.

[18:07]

and outside of our life, our life as it is now. We also relate to our life as a thing by living it in the future. What we'll get, who we'll become, especially if we come here and we want to get rid of something. We're coming here to become someone. So the joke or the paradox is that we can't get rid of any of this. That no matter what we do, we'll still always be who we are. But the only way we get to really be who we are is by letting go of all the ideas we have of who we are. We live in a world of commerce where we're used to trading one thing for another or purchasing one thing for another. Uchiyama Roshi says that actually in Buddhism you can't trade one thing for another because everything comes completely from everything else. So there's really nothing to trade.

[19:10]

And in Christianity there's the saying that that which is most holy is that which is most common. That which is shared most widely is that which is most revered and respected. So really life is a creative force. Our life is a creative force. Our small l life is in the creative force of the big our life, and it's rather like breath. In the inhalation, we take everything in. We take in everything that we've been, everything that has been, everything, everything that's been, that's created this moment, and on the exhale, we give it all up. We give it all away completely. we donate it to the entire world and on the next breath we receive again exactly that which is ours to receive again, that which is exactly right for us to receive again.

[20:15]

And if you breathe in and out of your heart, you really feel that out of the belly, allowing the breath fully in and on the full exhale, allowing it fully out, giving it all away, You feel yourself in the flow of that creative life where nothing is really yours, but nothing is really not yours. Suzuki Roshi calls this God-given, and I really like that phrase in my first responses. What about Buddha-given? Anytime he uses a phraseology that seems to have a little spark to it, There are usually lots of layers there. So, I like God-given. I think it's helpful because it points to something bigger than our own selves. Bigger than our small self. It also points to something that we don't exactly have control over.

[21:18]

Surely we can set about or have an intention and that colors or shapes or gives a direction. but actually we don't have control over that which is God-given. It is inherent, it is innate, it is as we are, just Buddha nature, this life force just is our life force. And I would say this God-given is beneficent, it is wholesome, it is just what is needed, just what is. Dogen Zenji says, to give is non-attachment and to non-attach is to give. So in giving we fully give up and in fully giving up we're able to receive. There's a precept that speaks to this, the second grave precept, which is about not stealing

[22:24]

And some of the early sutras says it's actually the most important precept. Bodhidharma says not having thoughts of not gaining is the precept of not stealing. There are different ways in which we steal from ourselves. Time is a big one, I think, for all of us and time on the cushion. How many hours have I spent planning? balancing checkbooks, making shopping lists, thinking about that poem that didn't quite work out, you know, all that time that's lost as if I'm permanent and this doesn't all come to an end as if I have another time. And then there's the stealing of expecting something, of practicing for gain. And what that does is it takes away the possibility of what might be. Now gaining the idea of vow or intention is wholesome, but when we want something for our personal self, when we're trying to gain something to become someone, that's a problem.

[23:40]

That's when we steal away the possibility both of ourselves and of receiving from the universe, from the person with whom I'm having the difficult interaction where if I really drop away myself and listen, I can see what's really needed in the circumstance and really understand what's happening instead of some idea of me and her. The positive side of the second grade precept is to honor the gift not yet given. So what is that gift not yet given? I think of it a little bit like Christmas and not Christmas. So it's not Christmas because what's under the tree isn't what you're necessarily looking for. Oh goody goody, what's there for me? But actually, what's there is you don't know.

[24:43]

Anything is possible in the true spirit of what might be here. what surprise, what treasure is here that I couldn't have imagined in that spirit. In Tench and Ray Anderson's book on the precepts, he references a story in Les Miserables that some of you may know. I didn't. It's a wonderful story about the young boy who's the thief. has quite a hardened heart and he's released from prison to the care of the bishop. An angry young man that he is, he continues to steal and he steals from the bishop. He takes two of his silver plates and is caught by the police and when the police bring the plates and the young man back to him, the bishop said, oh I gave those to him.

[25:44]

The police don't quite believe it, but they leave, and the young man asks him why he did it, but that wasn't true. They weren't his. And the bishop reaches for the candlestick holders and hands those to him as well. That's the gift not yet given. Category says, if we're exactly fair with our own life, our life turns into valuables. When we know the completeness of our own life, when we are who we really are, when we accept it, that's being fair, being honest and upright and true to who we really are, warts and all. When we don't have to fill it with things, because nothing's missing, and you find as you go into practice and into your life, you actually need much less. We don't need so many ideas of ourself,

[26:47]

they throw out the way or maybe we have a little bit more openness to let that opinion go. The paradox is when we give away what we don't need, not just what's in our closets, our gaining our ideas and our stories that bind us, what we need will be revealed to us. So there's a story about Dogen in his early years going to the Tenzo, the wise old Tenzo, and asking him what practice is. And the Tenzo noting Dogen's way of being says, well it's not like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, which is what Dogen is after, wanting to understand what practice is. Tell me so I can follow it and do it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 are like the ornaments of our lives, that which we think will make our life meaningful.

[27:54]

So Dogon says, what is practice? And Matenzo says, nothing is closed in the universe. Do you understand this? That when you want something, and often my case, this particular point of view, and a certain kind of grasping, But by letting go, nothing is hidden, nothing is closed, in which case you get to see the larger meaning, you get to participate and really live your life fully. Dhanaparamita, dhana being generosity, paramita, taking yourself and others to the other shore, is the first of the six noble ways of being in our practice. It's to live life as the flow of life in which we're always being given to and we're always giving away. Nothing is ours to begin with and yet everything about our lives is a part of our life, is ours not for keeps but to give away.

[28:59]

And I'd like to close with one last story which is from Ryo-Kan. the Japanese poet and great fool who lived in the 18th century. There are different ways this story is told, but this is how he tells it in his letters to a friend. He says, I went home, I was trying to sleep in my little hut in the mountains one night, and his little hut had not much in it, some bedding and a bowl in his robe, and I felt a thief slip in and want the mattress from me. So I just rolled over and pretended I was still asleep and he took it. And that was the basis for this poem. The thief left it behind, the moon at my window. So before I open to questions in the few minutes that we have left, I'd like to see if Sojin Roshi has anything that he can add.

[30:07]

Thank you for your talk. I think you covered it all. Are there any questions or comments from people, Sue? Yeah, thank you very much. I've been chewing on an incident with someone who works for me and given Thank you very much. You're welcome Sue. Do you want to tell us what you understood or what shifted for you? That I don't have to know or understand or fix. It's okay. You didn't hear it back there. Sue said that she doesn't have to know, understand, or fix. That it's okay. Did I get you right? Jeff?

[31:12]

Thank you for your talk. It really touched me deeply. There's a great clarity in what you share. And this is my greatest interest in being here is how should we live. It seems to me that what we share that we have relationships and we have actions and this is what we get to do. One of the questions that I carry, day in and day out, is right here, right now, in the present moment, where every freedom that ever existed is present, how do I occupy this moment? And what's your experience of how you try to do that? When you talk about how to let go of this attitude of generosity, of laying down need, of stepping away from self and story, the selfless self, then you can be present and see reality for exactly what it is.

[32:19]

In that moment, many things are revealed. And I don't quite know whether behavior arises and action gets committed, or whether action is chosen and then gets committed. I suspect it's a little bit of both. But this is how it seems to me. I think my experience is that that's what happens, that each builds on the other. And that as you have the experience of sitting quietly and understanding what your particular formation is now, about what you're attached to, what's sticking for you, what you want to keep for yourself. And with time you understand your relationship to it and it becomes less important. Thank you. You're welcome. Alan? I was interested in the kids' response, which was quite

[33:21]

Very. And also, I think something that's talked about from Lewis Hyde's book The Gift, and from anthropological literature, that the gift is alive as it moves. That it has to stay in motion. That as soon as you keep it for yourself, then it loses its, I mean, you may still enjoy eating that mango that you feed yourself, but it loses its magical or transformative quality. And that, I think, is really at the heart of, that's really at the heart of what Dogen talked about when he talks about giving in his Vespal Tution. but really about emotions.

[34:37]

I really appreciate that comment. I think it's very articulate to what I was trying to say. Our life is part of a total dynamic energy that's always working and so our activity in that, what we do how in our thought, speech, and action is part of that dynamic activity. And when we hold on to it, it dies. It has no life. Nancy? What attitude would be good when you have responsibilities? Say I'm responsible for my cats and my plants. And certain people, actually, one person in particular, I feel responsible. It's very hard to let go when you know that something could possibly, quite possibly, die without you clinging to it and caring for it.

[35:50]

I'm not arguing, I just would like to know, because I feel like I just hold on, you know, I have the reins on these things that just keep me kind of trapped, but also these things that I love, and these are the things I love too. I can really relate to that. You know, I spend a lot of energy worrying about my old dog. I can really relate to that. And I have to ask myself the question, Who am I taking care of here? There's being responsible, but am I responding to what my dog needs? Am I responding to what my plant or this person needs? Or am I responding to my own worry or my own need to satisfy in some way? Right. So in a moment, yeah, I have to be always asking. And be compassionate to yourself in that.

[36:59]

You also take good care of yourself in that. And be compassionate to the part of you that really wants to do a good job of taking good care of, and wants to do it right. And give that part space as well. Katherine? I was experiencing that similar dilemma at one point. took it and took us on a search and reminded me or told me the story of the tenth monk who sets the table for everybody else. And at the end, he counts all the other monks. And there are nine monks. And so he sets nine places at the table. And then he's surprised because they're one short. And I find that when I'm in that situation where some giving that I love to do to people and things that I love begins to feel burdensome, that it's probably because I forgot the 10th month. Thank you, Kathy. Dean?

[38:03]

You know, when Nancy was talking, I was thinking there's a whole thing that we worry about our animals or things we have to take care of, but I think it also comes back to, you know, things here, and when you have responsibilities here, and, you know, we all want it to be this way, and we don't like it, you know, I mean, with the garden, or with the organization of the garage, or with the way things are running here, that we get real attached to. We want it the way that we read that it's supposed to be. And I think that that's the same, the same sort of thing that, you know, we get, we get caught by just chronically. And certainly being here doesn't change that. I agree with you completely. I think it's one of the reasons why Sangha practice is such an important part of this practice because we get to see each other in relationship in the ways in which we all have different ways of wanting it.

[39:05]

Whether we want it tight or whether we want it loose, we all have our different ways and we get to know ourselves quite well and we get to help each other as you have me. Do I have time for any more, Catherine, or is that it? It's 11.05. So you have time for... Okay. Nina had her hand up first that I saw. So my question has to do with our relationship to time. And maybe I misunderstood, but I thought I heard that it may be more important to do some things than others, so that there's a value placed, a greater value placed on one way of using time as opposed to another. And that's, of course, our common way of thinking.

[40:07]

Is that part of our story, how we see ourselves, how we use our time? And I wonder how that correlates with our practice. I'm not sure I get all what's underneath the question, what the different ways of using time are. So do you want to ask again or do you want me to take a stab at it? Well, my sense is that in our practice, everything we do is valued equally, in a way. Depending on how we relate to the thing that we do. If we're fully present, we're fully present regardless of what we do. So, how does that fit with saying, well, I want to use my time best, you know, with the time that I have left in my life? Yeah, that's a really good question.

[41:13]

We still have a life to live and if we are constantly picking up what's right in front of us, we might miss out taking care of something that we didn't get to. Is what you're saying? In a way, the other way around. If the picking and choosing seems to be contrary to our teaching? There's being sure that you take care of your life, to be aware of those things that you need to do to support your life, to support your life to be able to practice and to live. And you have to factor those into whatever else you're doing. to ignore those or to not consider those because you're doing something that you think you're supposed to be doing because it's here and now would be missing the reality of taking care of all of your life.

[42:21]

I don't think I really got you still. No, it's okay. We can talk later. Okay. Thank you. And I think I now am getting the exit signs. We'll have time for tea afterwards if any of you still have questions. Thank you very much.

[42:40]

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