Good morning. So this is the second day of our Sashin, and this is around the time when we begin to, our various physical, emotional, and mental So I would like to discuss that a bit with you, although I don't like doing that. Often we look for answers from somebody. that can create a problem.

[01:00]

Also, sometimes people don't want to hear what the answers might be for some of our problems. And we get very angry, because my solution, my solution au genere, is sometimes not acceptable. When I was a young practitioner, after about five years or so, I had a lot of sciatic problem. My sciatic nerve, if you know where that is, most practitioners know where that is. It runs from your behind down your leg and probably other places as well, but the place where you feel it is in your, on the cushion, is in your behind and your leg.

[02:12]

So, that was a problem with me for many years, and what I figured out, I had to figure it out myself because it's my body and although there are pointers. My solution was to sit on a cushion that was very soft, so that instead of my body conforming to a hard cushion, the cushion conformed to my body. so that it didn't, when you have that pressure of sitting on a hard cushion, it can pinch that nerve, so to speak, and then you have a lot of pain. The nerve will always rejuvenate itself. I say always, but maybe it won't, but 99.9% of the time it does.

[03:13]

It rejuvenates itself. So it's not necessarily a lasting thing, but I had to figure out ways of sitting so that I would have the least pressure on it. But that lasted a long time, and then one day it was not there anymore, after about 20 years. So that's one very common problem that we have in Zazen. I think most people have that at some point or another, that problem. So it can be discouraging. And when I hear people

[04:20]

talk about their sciatic problems, I have a lot of sympathy for that, but my solution is to find out how I can actually make it work. And to me, that's practice. Suzuki Roshi always encourages, instead of asking for advice and help, to find our way. to find our way by ourself, you know, in the dark. So I always followed his example, his instruction to find my way, and it's always worked. And I feel very grateful for the fact that his encouragement was always to find my own way. And of course, that's what he encouraged everyone to do. It doesn't mean you can't ask for advice and you can't discuss your problem, or shouldn't.

[05:26]

But basically, in our life, whatever we're doing, we have to find our own way. And this is the creative part of our practice. It doesn't mean to just go off on your own and ignore advice or other people's experience. not to rely on someone else. I remember one time I had a, this is about 20 years ago, 25 years ago, something like that, I don't know, but it was a long time ago, and I had a knee problem. And so I said, well, I'll go to a doctor who was recommended to me, actually, by a good friend of mine who was a doctor. And so this doctor looked at my knee and did this and that with it, and he said, well, you know, it's age-related.

[06:30]

How could it be age-related 20 years ago? It was age-related. Well, that word is almost there. Arthritis. And there's really nothing you can do about it. That's what he said, there's nothing you can do about it. So when he left, you know, in the doctor's office there are these pamphlets that are on the wall. There was a pamphlet about knee exercises. So I took it out and I went home and I read it. And I started doing the knee exercises. And what it does is strengthens the muscles around your knees. Because when you get older, when you're no longer a kid running around, the muscles around your knees atrophy. They get soft and they're not holding your knee in place.

[07:31]

And so then when you do your walking and stuff, your knees start wobbling and then they get, Sore, whatever you want to call it, and then you give up. So I've never had a knee problem since then. So I believe in exercise, stretching, keeping your body fit, You don't have to be a bodybuilder, you simply keep the tone of your body in good shape, and then you don't have so many problems, or if you do have these problems, you know how to deal with them. It's not that I don't have, you know, sometimes sore knees, but it's not a big problem.

[08:33]

I don't see it as a big problem. But when I think about how to deal with that, or if my knees start getting sore again like that, I do the exercises to keep my knees in tone and keep the muscles around the knees from getting soft and flabby. Keeping your weight down is a big help in keeping your body in tone, because all that weight going on your knees, it's like carrying around a 20-pound pack all the time. So I really advocate I don't keep my body in as good a shape as I should, or I would like to, let's put it that way.

[09:38]

I really don't. I'm not very good at discipline. It's true, I'm not really good at it. But I do it enough so that my body is in relatively good shape most of the time. And I know most of you are much better at discipline than I am. And I know that I would look and see, like, if I have this kind of problem, what can I do about it? Which mostly has to do with how you take care of it, not so much what kind of medicines you use. We always revert to medicine. I mean, we don't always, but that's just a figure of speech. But it's so easy to revert to medicine rather than taking care of your body. through control. You know, we sit still a lot.

[10:48]

Seven days of sitting still, right? And you don't move around a lot. So it's really good to have our stretching period. I think that's great. Stretching Having a routine of stretching is really important, like every day. Sometimes people will complain to me about some problem and I'll say, well, do you stretch? And they say, oh yeah. How often? Oh, sometimes. Sometimes it's not good enough. Sometimes it's nothing. you have to have a discipline of stretching, which I advocate for everybody. 15 to 20 minutes of stretching every day, because as you get older, your body implodes. You know, you see these tiny ladies, tiny old men, you know, who used to be 5'10", and now they're 5 feet.

[11:52]

Because if you don't keep, at some point, when you're young, the body is always expanding. And you think it will always expand. But when you get to a certain age or time, it starts going the other way. It starts imploding and getting heavier and more dense. And it's not, your body not percolating. Percolation is, you know, when you're working with the earth, you make loamy soil, and loamy soil allows percolation and air, oxygen to flow, and the body is the same way, to allow the percolation of the oxygen to continually flow and fill our body, and that is called lightness, the result is called lightness and buoyancy. So lightness and buoyancy are really important.

[13:03]

And stretching on purpose, certain limbs allows that to happen. So I know people that I've known for a long time who were my size. 5'7". I am still 5'7", because I stretch. That's true. I know people who are 5'7", who are now 5'5". Mine are 5'4". So, if we're going to continue to sit sitting still, we also have to know how to move. So moving is a big part of sitting still. To walk, you don't have to do a lot of heavy exercise, but to keep moving, keep walking, keep your body in tone, so to speak.

[14:11]

And when I sit zazen, I stretch. For me, zazen is stretching. is not just, you can sit and implode. That's good. So you should sit up. That's why we talked about sitting up straight and stretching so that otherwise just sitting like and letting your body relax. I don't like to use the word relax. There is a relaxation, it's true. But if you say relax, oh good. I was having a back problem and I told you, and you said, well, and I said, I don't think I can sit. And you said, well, it strengthens your back, and I really feel that, that it makes my back stronger. Oh, absolutely, yes. It's hard work. Yes, you have to keep working at it. Yes, thank you for that.

[15:15]

Testimonial, thank you. Yes, it strengthens your back, yes. I remember somebody coming up and touching my back and saying, oh, what a strong back. Yes, just sitting, if you do it right. So that's why passivity and activity are both important. Passivity is sitting still, and activity is stretching. So it's a combination of both passive and active. If it's just passive, and people think of zazen just being passive often, but the active part is really important to activate your body. And allow for flexibility and openness. So, and breath.

[16:22]

So the breath, if we breathe correctly, oxygen fills our body and produces a lightness and agility. You know, the Koreans have a saying in Zazen, to leap like a tiger while sitting. I like that. And we call it great dynamic activity within stillness. So this is, it's all one practice. Body and mind and breath are all, body is body, mind is mind, and breath is breath, but it's all one piece. just like the body is 300, I can't count them, but 250 pieces, all harmonizing together to do something, to do one act.

[17:34]

So all those parts of the body are one piece, but they're all independent. Each part of the body is totally independent, but at the same time all one piece. So the body is a microcosm of the universe. Suzuki Roshi is always talking about the oneness and differentiation. Every talk he gives is about that, almost, the one thing. how the one piece expresses itself through all the small pieces. So the small pieces, the waves keep the ocean moving. And the ocean allows all the activity to come to stillness.

[18:41]

So, but now, you know, that's wonderful, but if you have any problems that you'd like to discuss, I would be willing to address those. Nobody's willing to talk. Yeah. The nerve problem, thank you very much for that. By the way, as kind of a new member here, it seems like everybody treats me with the same kindness you treated yourself, so I think it carried through. I've always been treated very well. I know, this is a great sangha, I have to say. Your arthritis and your dog. Oh, well my present dog doesn't have arthritis.

[19:49]

I'm talking about your arthritis and your dog. How walking them and your arthritis work together. I didn't have arthritis. That was just an idea. The doctor's idea. It was not that at all. It was the muscles. It was the weak muscles around my knee that had to be strengthened. It was not arthritis at all. I've never had arthritis. I have to say, it's not arthritis, but sometimes my thumb gets stuck. And this finger doesn't rise up, but there it is. But I've never had real arthritis. I'm very lucky. I'm very lucky. Can't believe it. The doctors have to say something.

[20:54]

Who? The doctors have to say something. Yes. You don't have symptoms of arthritis. Yes. But you do have arthritis. No one your age does not have arthritis. I can accept that. It's how you work with the arthritis. No magical thing is going to happen from sitting. You're going to get arthritis. But you work with it so that you do these exercises and you walk and you take care of yourself. There's another doctor here. But just to say, yes, you have Heavener's nodes of your fingers which prove you have osteoarthritis. You've just given a level four consultation billable to Medicare. that you find your health in the midst of getting older by how you take care of yourself. Yes. Yes, sure I do.

[21:55]

You know, I'll admit to anything. We don't want the older people to feel like they have arthritis. That's some deficiency. No, that's, yes, that's right. Yes, you can work with it. That's right. Hi, I'm so happy to see you so generously. Thank you. I'm Elizabeth. I know that. You remember me. I do remember you. Boy, I want to come to your defense. Thank you. I've been developing something called the Posture Clinic. I work a lot with people in their 60s and 70s, but at any age. And what you promote is so much along the lines of what I've been trying to really say. A lot of where I think of muscle-mind connection, sometimes I have to slow people down so they can breathe, but it's the posture, it's muscle and bone, and developing those muscles to open up.

[23:05]

And I think of Every time I'm doing my work, I think of you actually. So this is what it's about. So thank you. Thank you. I'm happy you're here and defending me. Today hasn't always been that way. I want to testify. You know, because I came to Sazen in my middle 30s, when my body already had bad patterning and habits, it was very hard for me to succeed. It took me 10 or 15 years, but I knew the instruction.

[24:17]

And just one day, I kept giving myself the instruction, failing, giving myself the instruction. And then one day, it was like, oh, I can do this. And not only could I do it, but it was more easeful than sitting slumped. Yes, of course. And I think of this expression that we use, it comes up a lot at the Paya Zen Center where I teach, it's like, strong back, soft front. You know, this receptivity of the front of your body that's open, but it depends on the strong back. Well, yes, the vertebrae is the foundation. Without the foundation, and Suzuki Roshi talked about this all the time, you lose your strength, And then it's easy for your mind to wander around.

[25:24]

A really straight, strong back is the most comfortable. We have this, you know, head which weighs 10, 15 pounds. And if it's going like this, it's got a strain on your back. If it's going like this, it's got a strain on you. And so we sit with this strain and we don't realize that it's creating an imbalance. So balance is the most important thing. Everything is the most important thing. But balance, it's not about strength, although strength is important, it's about balance. And flexibility. And flexibility.

[26:25]

Balance and flexibility. Gary wants to ask a question. Gary? One thing, or two things. One is, I have a mallet finger. I got hit by a softball right on my finger. It's like a little ballad. It's like I'm doing a Fukuda on the balcony. Well, it's good for drumming. No, the question is, the sternum is what? And how do I know I'm not huffing my chest? Because I often, I feel like this is lifting the sternum. Lifting your sternum is this, and you can feel it pulls your lower back in. That's how you know that you're doing that. The sternum is this little indentation kind of right around here.

[27:27]

So you lift up and it pulls your lower back in. That's how you know. I used to talk about pulling your lower back in, pulling your lower back in. Now I talk about lifting your sternum because that's what pulls your lower back in without in the proper way. But it pulls your chin in. It pulls your chin in automatically. That's why I don't usually talk about pulling your chin in because people go, choking. We don't know how to do that very well. So if you lift up your sternum and it pulls you back and then your head is on top of your spine just where it's supposed to be. And then if you just This is, Suzuki Roshi called this the ego position. Mussolini, somebody else, a name I won't mention. But when your head is on top of your head, pivot without, not like that, but just pivot, rotate it.

[28:46]

And your chin is automatically pulled in, and then your neck is automatically stretched in the back. And you're reaching for the ceiling. I have a training in my, it conflicts a little bit, or actually puts a caution to what you're saying, when I was practicing Tai Chi and Taoist meditation, we did exactly that, except that the idea of pushing the back in, there's a natural curve in the back that we want to attain, but if we pull our back in, it creates other issues, and in particular, it puts undue strain on the sternum. We'll start to feel it right at the top of the sternum, the sacrum, thank you very much, at the top of the sacrum. So there's a question of, how straight and how tucked in, and there are practices that we did that does that. You simply allow the natural curve to do its thing, naturally.

[29:51]

But often, our tendency, when we talk about sitting straight, is like this. But actually, it's like that. Because the curve is natural, right? And if it's just straight, then it's not natural. So straight back has a curve in it. So we just allow that. This is called just natural posture. It's not something special. If it's something special, it's not the right posture. It's simply the natural posture of sitting up straight, because it's not a conditioned posture. It's not conditioned by our thinking or our feelings or our emotions, which postures usually are. So this is the posture where there's nothing influencing it.

[30:51]

It's just natural posture. The lady in blue. I would like to ask you to tell us about reading. Because the way that you sit from the stomach, when I read from the stomach, it takes a lot of energy. It doesn't take any energy at all. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I only deal with one question at a time. So the question is about breathing. Is that right? We don't breathe from the stomach. We breathe from our lungs. but it feels like our lower abdomen. And breathing, you're breathed.

[31:55]

You have nothing to do with breathing. If you're trying to stop breathing, it's hard. Breathing just happens. So we simply let it happen. We're not trying to do anything with it. It's just that natural breathing is without, natural breathing that is not conditioned by Any activity is simply abdominal breathing. That's natural. You don't have to do anything. You just let it be. Do not try to do anything. Sometimes I say, if the breathing is up here, let it go down. But that's not trying to do something. that's simply letting it be, instead of blocking it with anxiety or fear or whatever. We simply open up and let it be natural. You don't have to try to do that. Yesterday I said, when you exhale, it's okay to push the diaphragm down.

[33:02]

That's a little bit of control, but you don't have to do that. Just simply let it be, so that your breathing has its own rhythm, but we allow it to be deep. Yes, thank you. Okay, what's the other question? Then it's kind of like you come to asceticism, and I heard that it's not the ascetic practice. This practice is not that good. I just want to know how much, how should I know that that is the pain is not right? Yes, yes, yes. So there's pain that's body pain, and then there's pain that's emotional pain,

[34:07]

and there's pain that's imaginary pain, and there's pain that's intensified by dislike. So you have to know, there is pain in zazen, but there's a way to We have to understand most of the pain, there's pain, but most of the intensity of our painfulness is psychological. So when you feel that it's too much, just change your position. It's okay. I don't want to go into all of the ins and outs of what I just said, but just change your position when it gets to be too much. At some point, you may want to examine how you can actually reduce the conditions that create the pain.

[35:20]

But I would say for you, when it becomes too painful, just change your position. So, there are boonies that arise out of practice, and what is it that keeps one person from misusing those gifts? And what is it that, I mean, how is it that you are not someone who has done that? and how is it that some people can't, they start to lose their way. Yes. They can't keep on the path and they start to go a little far.

[36:27]

Well, yes. That's a big question. It's a big question. I will not say that I'm not selfish. I won't say that I'm not self-centered. I won't say that I'm a good guy or that I'm right or anything like that. But I will say that I had a really good teacher. And my really good teacher, his whole emphasis is on letting go of ego. But his star student didn't understand him. It's really, you know, to keep practice simple and not driven by some kind of gaining, it's really hard.

[37:38]

It's something that you have to be aware of all the time, all the time. And then if you don't have any, can I say this, if you don't have any, quote, gaining, and I don't mean it the same way, maybe, but the people with the gaining idea, they're out there, and they're doing all that stuff, and you're going, oh my goodness, how can I watch this? And you know what they're up to at a certain point? How do you not say, hey, I need to promote the Dharma in a way where that doesn't happen. Well, I do that without comparing. I mean, I try to do that without comparing. I don't, you know, people, you can't control everything. But see, those people, if you can say, sorry, you know, they have some kind of gaining idea, it's going on in the background, and it's like, how do you, how do you just, you know, like, some of us have been practicing a long time, and how do we not start developing the dharma in a way that's beneficial?

[39:03]

I'll give you one response to end our conversation. You keep asking that question all the time. I do. Yes, that's the answer. That's the answer. You have to keep asking yourself that question all the time. And it's about time, right? Actually, there's quite a roomy amount of time. There's a little bit of time? Ten minutes. Mary? Back to the body? I have. Yes, my idea is, you know, Shakyamuni, there's a great story about Shakyamuni Buddha. An analogy, he said, when a guy is shot with the arrow, he says, where did this arrow come from?

[40:22]

What is it made out of? What color is it? Who shot it? When actually you should pull the arrow out, right, instead of all the speculation of what's going on here. So, just concentrate on pulling the arrow out. It's like, well, what can I do to deal with this pain in the middle of my back? That's not where did it come from or what, but just what can I do now that it's there? Well, let's see. My solution is to really sit up straight and let go of any tenseness in my body, to just concentrate on, let go of any tenseness in my body, there's no tenseness in my body, and just concentrate on that, and it's possible that it would subside.

[41:25]

And you do that with your legs as well, all the time, all the time you're sitting. How do I let go of the tenseness here in my legs? That's the key to sitting comfortably, to just keep letting go of all the tenseness and concentrating on no tenseness. And then you feel lighter and lighter, because our mind, so to speak, our consciousness, is creating a problem out of a problem. Our mind creates problems out of, and this is the teaching. That's why Zazen is our teaching, because of course we have discomfort. Life is suffering, discomfort. That's what life is. And then, how do we deal with that? How do we allow lightness and buoyancy and letting go of the tenseness that creates our suffering to arise?

[42:31]

I've sat seven days with a pain in my back. I remember doing those sessions like that. But it forces you to find out how to deal with it. That's why I don't say pain is good for us, but it is. Because by actually dealing with it, allows us to come to terms with how to deal with it. How to be free of it. How to be free of the problem that we create around our discomfort and our pain and our suffering. So when we say Buddha said, my teaching is about suffering and the release of suffering. That's what Zazen is about. It's about you put yourself in a certain position where you actually can sit in nirvana, but it's not without suffering.

[43:36]

You can't have nirvana without suffering. So nirvana is the way you deal with suffering, the way you transcend it. Actually, it's not there. But we try to separate one from the other. You know, Jesus, if only I could feel good. Well, if I got rid of my suffering, I could feel good. It's not like that. You can't have one without the other. You can't have the good without the bad. You can't have the right without the wrong. So Zazen is about not falling into one side or the other. And when you are on that line where you're not falling into one side or the other, that's nirvana. You're not falling into suffering and you're not falling into heaven. Isn't it that you can sit and even if there's pain, there's no suffering?

[44:41]

Yes, even though there's pain, there's no suffering. Yes, that's right. Pain is just this sensation. He used to bring that thing, it was like a hoop thing, and you could massage the middle of your back. Oh, the Okidoki? Yeah. Maybe you should bring the Okidoki. Well, I gave it to somebody. The Okidoki was this curved back massager. It was made of oak, and it was manufactured, actually, and it was great. It was like, you know, it had just the right curve, so it massaged your back. Wait a minute. The doctor has to... So, I'm appreciating your comments.

[45:44]

I just want to say I think another aspect is sometimes if we're trying to figure out what's causing the pain, we get into difficulties there too. And it reminds me of a comment Steve Stuckey made at the beginning of the practice period, some of us all did, while we were sitting, that he said, I guess it was Suzuki Roshi, but he said, just let each of your body parts sit sazen. That's always been such a helpful instruction. Yes, every part of your body sits zazen independently. Yes. I can't explain why, but it's magic. Could you talk about it? Oh, yes. You know, if you just let every part of your body sit zazen independently, therefore you're acknowledging every part of your body. Usually we don't. And when we sit Zazen, we should go over the parts of our body.

[46:46]

This is why I ask everybody, when you sit down, every single time you give yourself Zazen instruction. And when you give yourself Zazen instruction, you're addressing every part of your body. That's what Zazen instruction is. You address every part of your body. Is the mudra correct? How do I hold my hands? How do I hold my teeth, my shoulders? Every part of your body is addressed in Sanskrit instruction, and then you don't forget that, except that there's a point where you forget everything. You let go of everything. You let go of your breath, and then there's no you, really. An experience I have of that instruction is often when I'm having problems with pain, I notice my whole body eventually is becoming pain. Other areas start to constrict, my breast starts to rupture, and everything stops doing zazen by itself.

[47:52]

Everything is kind of knotted up in what this one experience is. So if I allow the painful area just to do its own zazen, so to speak, then everything else can function on its own. Well, there are two ways of thinking about that. One is, yes, the other is that you're instead of focusing on the problem, zeroing in on the problem, you let your whole body share in the problem. And then it's like if you put salt in a small glass of water and drink it, it's very salty, right? But if you put the salt in the ocean, the ocean absorbs it, right?

[49:00]

So if you allow your whole body to absorb that little point, instead of magnifying the point, then the whole body comes to your rescue, so to speak, and shares in that, and then it's no longer a problem, actually. So that's what I mean when I say to let go of the tenseness. to let the whole body share any sort of point that is a problem, then it's like putting the salt in the ocean rather than in this small container called your knee.

[49:48]

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