And surpass the victory. Day five of our sushin, the final, and we still have a ways to go. And then we have the shuso ceremony and the closing of our 33rd practice period this afternoon. And just our shuso and to everyone for participating.

[01:06]

So she feels very still today. I think as Gary was pointing out yesterday, there's something that we do in this schedule that is, it's a little different than what we had been doing in the past, but it allows for a lot of the development of samadhi. just to have these, you know, periods in the morning, and three or four periods in the morning, and then three periods in the afternoon, and it's only one break, so our day isn't broken up. And so there's a lot of space for us to deepen our practice, which is lovely. And to do that in ways that also allow us to take care of ourselves.

[02:09]

So I wanted to say something about the Shuso ceremony and basically to tell you about it, give you instruction and also answer whatever questions you may ask. So this is a certainly a long-standing ceremony in the sojo tradition i'm not sure how far it goes back but certainly goes back a couple of ceremonies a couple of centuries and even though and i'll speak about this later in the chapter i want to speak about um even though our practice doesn't have um This is a stage in the development of a student not so much in their meditation practice or in their zazen or in terms of awakening.

[03:17]

In the recognition of their maturity and stepping into the space where they offer teachings. So, Shuso gives her Dharma talks that she has an opportunity to give her during this practice period. And the Shuso, it's a really unique moment because you're sitting in this first seat, right hand, and are sharing the seat. And this is a it's kind of a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I know that many of us who have been Shuso remember that experience warmly.

[04:23]

What a great opportunity it was. So usually the culmination of our practice period and of the Shuso's term is with this ceremony, excuse me, that's called Shuso Hosen. Now, literally, as best I understand it, Hosen means combat. It's like Dharma. And the students get to fiercely question the shuso to test her understanding. That's not what we're doing. Maybe we need another word than osen. I mean, we're just taking the Japanese word, but it's really a dharma dialogue in which we're bringing forth the dharma

[05:35]

together. So you're to ask a question from your heart or from your belly about practice. And the Shuso, without a lot of theorizing or explaining, answers responds to your question. in a very direct way. Sometimes that, often that can be a very brief, succinct answer. And sometimes it may take us... It shouldn't be long. It shouldn't be explaining. And so for some of us that means we have to change our verbal style.

[06:36]

in our mental style. So here's a question. They should really listen fully with their whole body and notice what response arises in them and speak it. This can be play, as we've been talking about, or it can be really very serious, you know. It's really pulling at you in your life or that has evolved for you in the course of the Sashim. But something direct, something that's meaningful to you. Now, as I said,

[07:37]

that can be playful, but no trick questions. You know, and don't sit out to stump the Shouseau. Whatever the Shuso does this afternoon and in every one of these ceremonies, it's perfect as it is. It is just a direct expression of who she is at that moment in time. I've been seeing a therapist in the last months who works with this system called internal family systems and in that formulation of that there's this idea there's no bad parts there's no bad parts of oneself and in that sense there's no bad answers

[09:09]

There's just what is happening at that moment. So you're not required. Just to say, what we'll do is we'll be sitting in our seats. It'll be different than, as we usually do, Shosan. You'll be sitting in your seats, and we'll go around the Zendo. And members of the practice period will ask questions first, and then former Shusos. questions. And we'll do this from our seats. And you'll just say, Chusot! Or Chusot. Chusot? And Chusot will acknowledge you and then you ask your question. One other thing too, one other caveat that people fall into.

[10:15]

Sometimes we have a propensity for kind of warming up to our question or doing a prelude to it, you know, explaining the whole context before you get to the question. please get to your question really directly. That's your responsibility. If the Shuso's responsibility is not to explain, your responsibility is not to do an aria. You know, just get to the question. If you don't have a question, you can bow and say thank you.

[11:23]

But I really want to encourage you to feel a question. Also, you don't have to have your question now. or before lunch, you know. Your question can arise out of, the Shuso is going to read her case, Yun Min's front gate and pantry. And she's been speaking all practice period about that koan, about light, about good thing, nothing, uh your question can relate to that or not but um you can let your you can be patient with yourself and you can let your question arise right there in the ceremony or right there in the moment when you address this issue so that's great that's

[12:41]

of our practice. So I just wanted to say that by way of a little explanation, a little introduction. Does anyone have any questions? Yes, Susan? How about follow-up? Ah, follow-up, thank you. Do you feel that D'Shuzo has not really directly responded to your question, you can ask a follow-up. You can ask one follow-up. And that's fine. And the shuso will respond to that. Also, the shuso has a staff and a block. And they're holding this, I didn't say they're holding basically which hand is which, Right hand is the staff, and left hand is the fan.

[13:45]

So they're in a very, just to say, they're in a very open, exposed posture. And they're holding, they're also in a very strong posture. So if Linda Schultz claps the staff on the block, that's the end. She should take a beat to see if there's a follow-up question. But if she's really sure that she's answered the question, don't take a beat. Just stop and go to the next. That's right. And go to the next question. Any other questions? Yeah, Ross. Did you hear that out there?

[14:47]

Yeah. Yes, you're never safe. Ron, you have a question? Yes, thank you, Hozan. I'd like to know, I was led to believe that those of us on Zoom who are in the practice period would be able to ask the Shuso questions. So what is the order of that, please? I don't exactly know the order, but it will be explained. Oh, Ryushin. non-shusos in the Zendo will go to the community room and those folks will go first with their questions and then will go more or less in alphabetical order by first name. You will be spotlighted when it's your turn to talk. So unmute and go, Ronnie. Okay, so let me just repeat that. After we go around for the practice period members who are non-shusos

[15:59]

Then we're going to go to the community room where there will be people and again the non-chusos will go and after that they'll go to the online people in roughly alphabetical order and you'll be spotlighted. Will you be called upon? I think if you post and if people don't seem to be jumping by the initial call. Yeah, Lori will prompt you if you're if you're not clear about your position. By first name. By first name, yes. Okay. Good. Any other questions in here? Any other questions out there? Okay. Let's just take a couple of breaths. I wanted to continue with Not Always So and speak a little bit.

[17:30]

I know that we've already used a bunch of our time, but just to open this up with a chapter in Not Always So called Be Kind With Yourself. And this comes... heavily annotated by Socha. It's interesting. So the epigraph says, on warm heart, warm zazen, the warm feeling we have in our practice is, in other words, enlightenment or Buddha's mind. Then under that or at the top of the the next paragraph, Sojin put, interestingly, he puts, improvisation. So, we should have a warm feeling in our improvisational zazen.

[18:33]

And this is, we were, I mentioned this the other day, a big conversation between Laurie and Karen and I this morning. Speaking of the way that Suzuki Roshi characterized our practice as having formal practice and informal mind, which is interesting. And it's sort of in contrast, as we were speaking, with perhaps other meditational practices approaches, and we were talking about vipassana, where it's kind of informal, you know, people wear whatever clothes they want, they sit however they want, but much more formal mind. So this informal mind is also the mind of improvisation.

[19:38]

The character of it is what Suzuki Roshi is pointing to as kindness and that also resonates for me with what has been really a just a powerful word from the sixth ancestor his first bodhisattva vow which is to save all sentient beings of your mind So to save all the sentient beings of your mind, calls for . And of course this resonates to tie all these things together. This resonates with what I read from Suzuki Roshi earlier in the week where he says, this is what we call the Bodhisattva way. Our practice is to .

[20:42]

And sometimes to help people, to be kind to people, we really need to be able to start with ourself. And it can work in both directions. Sometimes we have to practice being kind with ourself so that we can extend that to be kind to others. It has to work the other way. Sometimes when we're practicing and enacting kindness to others, bit by bit we learn how to be kind to ourself. So this is the way I view our practice. You know, there is no inside and outside and it works from the

[21:45]

outside in and the inside out. So Suzuki Roshi writes, I want you to have the actual feeling of true practice, because even though I practiced zazen, I didn't know exactly what it was. Sometime I was very impressed by our practice at AAG and other monasteries. When I saw great teachers who listened to the lectures, I was deeply moved. But it was difficult to understand those experiences. It's to have complete experience or full feeling in each moment of practice. What we teach is that enlightenment and practice are one. But my practice was what we call step ladders in. I understand this much now And next year I thought, I will understand a little bit more.

[22:46]

That kind of practice doesn't make much sense. I could never be satisfied. If you try step-platter practice, maybe you too will realize that it's a mistake. So, he says, that enlightenment or practice are one. We could also say that, as Dogen says, Our practice is the expression of our enlightened nature. And it's important to because when we're not fully kind to ourselves and we're all really familiar with that state of mind, right? We're out of touch with any perception of that is actually inborn but again and again our teachers are insisting that that is the nature that is the one bright pearl warm big satisfaction in our practice that is not true practice even though you sit trying to have the right posture and counting your breath

[24:12]

It may still be lifeless Zasana because you are just following instructions. And Sojin writes, this is mechanical. Counting your breath is like counting sheep. You know, and sometimes we go to sleep. Especially in the afternoons. You are not kind enough with yourself. the instruction given by some teacher, then you will have good zazen. But the purpose of instruction is to encourage you to be kind to yourself. So, to me, the more I think of Hiroshi, the more I feel like he's basically, he just says the same thing over and over again, you know. And he comes at it from different angles and with the hope that... And that's what Sojin did.

[25:16]

That's what I'm doing. You know, it's just like... In hope that sometime something we say may actually strike home for you and help you find your way, help you find that warm feeling. Do not count your breath just to avoid your thinking mind, but to take best care of your breathing. And I think we can feel that as we're sitting, whether we're counting our breath or just following our breath. The air is very crisp and clear in here today. And it may be cool going in, but it's warm. and it gets inside our bodies. When you have a warm feeling for your body and your breath, then you can take care of your practice and you will be fully satisfied.

[26:30]

When you are very kind with yourself naturally, you will feel like this. A mother will take care of yourself even though They may have no idea how to make the baby happy. Similarly, when you take care of your posture and your breathing, there is a warm feeling in it. Sojourner writes, when you take care of your posture and your breathing, he writes, finding ease. Finding the ease in our sitting. breathing to allow that ease to arise. When you have a warm feeling, that is a good example of the great mercy of Buddha. Whether you are a priest or a lay person, this practice will extend to your everyday life.

[27:34]

So, someone yesterday was grace. I think that grace and mercy are very related. So what Suzuki Roshi is saying, that when you can, that warm feeling in your practice, this is the experience of the Buddha's grace, the gift that the Buddha is giving to us even though it may only last but you should recall that it happened you shouldn't make the effort to retrieve it or revisit it just know that that offered to you

[28:41]

And if it's offered once, it's very likely it'll be offered again. And so we build this kind of feedback, internal feedback loop, allowing this grace and mercy to arrive and allowing it really to touch our lives. And by extension, for us to touch other lives with that same quality. When you take the utmost care of what you do, then you feel good. What a surprise. The notation at the end of that sentence says, men mitsu no kafu. That seems to be one of the themes we're coming. If I could reduce

[29:43]

my talks to two points in Japanese this week. One would be kanpate, do your best, and the other would be menimitsu no kafu, taking care, considerate care of our practice and of everybody's practice. You may think that you are very warm-hearted, but when you understand, you cannot actually measure. So, when you try to see your own light, it's dark, dark. That's exactly what he's talking about. You can't necessarily see it. Yet, when you see yourself with a warm feeling in the mirror, that actually is you. Whatever you do, you are there.

[30:46]

That's meant as an encouragement. And it's meant as an instruction because there are many times when we don't feel here, when we don't recognize ourselves. And he's just really encouraging us to do that. So it's an interesting shift that he makes in this talk. When you do something with a warm-hearted feeling, Manjushri, the bodhisattva of wisdom, is there. And there is the true you. You don't have to wonder where Manjushri is or what he is doing. When you do things with your warm-hearted mind, that is actual practice. That's how to take care of things. That's how to communicate with people. So it's interesting. One might logically expect him to say, when you do something with a warm-hearted feeling, what Sojin writes in the annotation is that...

[32:16]

the function of wisdom is compassion. So Manjushri, when Manjushri is functioning, then it is in cooperation or identity action with Avalokiteshvara. So we have We have Manjushri and we have Avalokiteshvara and also Samantabhadra, the Shining Practice Bodhisattva. All three of them are on the altar. We have to practice. We have to attend to Samantabhadra in order to allow Manjushri and Avalokiteshvara to come alive in us. in our embodied form.

[33:29]

Whatever you do, whatever your practice is, Manjushri is there. So usually in a you have separate halls for meditation and separate halls for chanting and service. And on the altar, in the zendo, in the meditation hall, it's usually Manjushri. And in the Buddha hall, it's usually Shakyamuni Buddha. But Manjushri is taking care of our zazen. But zasana is not this cold action. As Suzuki Roshi frames it, it is really the manifestation of our human warmth.

[34:49]

And we need to remember that. Particularly we need to remember how to be kind to ourself. Sometimes we're really hard on ourselves. And I understand that. I'm not immune from that. And I'm sure that everybody in here has moments like that. But here we're being encouraged in the other direction to just recognize the warmth in our relationship with each other and in our relationship to the practice and in relationship to ourself. The secret is the true mercy of Buddha, who takes care of everything. If we lose this point, whatever we do doesn't make much sense. The point is, while inhaling and exhaling,

[36:08]

to take care of your breath, just as a mother watches her baby. If a baby smiles, its mother will smile. If a baby cries, it's worried. This kind of close relationship, being one with your practice, is the point. This is also what I was speaking of yesterday as identity action, that we're so finely attuned. I mean, the mother and child are and it's fine limbic resonance that happens between beings. It's kind of easy for us to see it as a mother and child, but it's actually happening between each of us. And also it has to happen within us. I think he's emphasizing that it's like our responsibility is to find that warm feeling within ourselves.

[37:10]

If a baby cries, its mother is worried. That kind of close relationship with your practice is the point. I like this. I'm not talking about anything new. Same old things. Our monastic rules are based on kind, warm, heart and mind. Sometimes it doesn't seem that way but that's really has to be the basis. The idea is not to restrict your freedom but rather to give you freedom to behave and act in your own way within this form and structure just like you know a great baseball player can really manifest themselves within these within so many rules, and within that, you know, you can see how able and talented they may be.

[38:19]

Actually, it's not important, he says, it is not so important to follow the rules literally. Actually, if you break a rule now and then, we will know what is wrong with you, and your teacher, without criticizing you, may be able to help you more, more accurately. painful as that may be. I think that was pretty much built into my relationship with Sojin. This is how to improve your life, to have good control of your desires in your everyday life. Then you will have big freedom from everything. Please take care of your practice. Be very kind with yourself. So, comments, questions?

[39:26]

I thought that was kind of a side comment of what you were speaking to. I didn't know that. Wow, well... Even our great heroes can be afraid of the dark. Daniel and Mary. For someone that has not developed that ability, or not often, to have that kindness, how do you start? I think you need to really reflect on yourself and notice that there are moments of kindness that are constantly again and again coming up and give yourself some credit for that and then expand from there.

[40:41]

Everyone here is fundamentally kind and everyone here has warm, kind moments however much we may have difficulty with ourselves. It's really important to recognize that that difficulty is so and to look at the moments when we have a sense of expansiveness, a sense of freedom and just say, oh, that's there too. You know, I want to pay attention to this. I feel really warmed by your talk. And I was, I think I'm correct in understanding that Japanese temples sometimes have flags or banners. And I was wondering if we could enlist our calligrapher in making a banner for the and for

[41:42]

and fly them around. Well, that's a cool idea. We'll have to ask our resident calligrapher about that. We've got this, you know, we made for Sojin's funeral, Hannah found this lovely kind of reddish-orange cloth that takes the ink Very well. Did you do that? Did you do the calligraphy? I did. That's actually in English, not in English. I know that's in English. But it's possible. So let's think about that. Ross. Thank you, Hosan. Many years ago, Amy Hetto, a Sangha member here, installed the two speakers on our so we could hear her way back here.

[42:44]

So I wanted to shout out, shout out, Amy Hutto. I mean, those two. The two closest to the back here. The first ones were the front side, didn't project enough. Anyway, the more important thing is, in relation to Dave, about what he raised, Amy made a button that said, start here. And I have it on my shoulder bag. And It's a good reminder to start here with this person, with me, when I'm going through the ideation of either self-loathing or self-loathing. It's always right here. It's always been a helpful reminder to me to keep it close. Yeah, it's very close. This is, yeah. This is intimate practice, yeah. Hozan.

[43:47]

Hi. This is the first time I've heard references to grace and mercy in a Zen temple. And it's something that I always wished was spoken about because I found it comforting. Well, see my child, I have fulfilled your wish. But can you say more about... I don't know where they said that. Well, Suzuki Roshi just said it, right? I mean, I was quoting Suzuki Roshi. I'm surprised I missed that. Yes. No, I was quoting Suzuki Roshi and he uses the word mercy, I think... in his talk and so I would not be surprised if he used it elsewhere. And I think that the city in purely in tradition, Jodo Shinshu

[45:10]

Jodhushu, it's all about that. That's the whole ballgame. Because the thing that is given to us is the gift, the grace, the mercy of the Buddhas. And so they talk about it. I don't know what language they use, I'd have to go look, but it's clear that the whole is about that. And they don't even talk about practice. Actually, it's a kind of, you just repeat the name, you call on Namo Amida Buddha. To do that, if you can call on Amida Buddha three times sincerely, then there's nothing more that you have to do.

[46:15]

Amida Buddha will respond to you. It's just a wonderful tradition, which we need to, I think, learn more about and integrate ourselves with. Because actually, that's the largest school of Buddhism in Japan. And, you know, there's two temples, five blocks of us, So maybe we need to invite those people here and have a discussion about grace. That'd be great. Thank you. You talked today about being kind to ourselves and about grace and mercy, which I also responded to deeply. You talked a couple of days ago also about making mistakes and about how you learned how to make mistakes from Soja. I struggled to be kind to myself.

[47:17]

I made a mistake that the bell was ringing and was sitting here having some words with myself about it. And then you came into the Zendo and you dropped your keys. And I knew how you were dealing in my heart. I've seen me do it so many times and suddenly I felt myself sort of finding the ability to be much more kind to myself. It was a beautiful reminder of why we practice. You were saying, you say the same thing over and over again and hopefully something will land and So often it's actually not something we say, but something we do. And it made me realize that your opportunity for me to extend mercy to myself, which means that maybe my mistake is an opportunity for me and even for others.

[48:31]

Thank you. Just to say, I was surprised by the sound and my momentary thought was, oh, I wasn't paying attention. And then I picked up the keys and I put them down as quietly as I could and that was, the remainder of that was Not punitive, it was just like, yes, I really have to pay attention to... These sleeves are kind of complicated. They're in a secure place rather than an insecure place. That's it. You know, we idealize Suzuki Roshi.

[49:38]

also true without getting into detail he made some enormous mistakes in his life that were very consequential and he carried on his understanding was that he had to go forward with being kind to himself and being kind to those around him. Otherwise those kinds of mistakes can really, they can shatter us. And we want better for each other. I'm wondering if there's anybody, any of the people who are newer here in Sashinu want to ask something.

[50:45]

Yeah, Nate. Well, just to follow from the last comment, the dropped keys was a good opportunity to check in with my mind and body, and so I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Well, thank you. That's one of the, you know, we don't carry the stick anymore. One of the effective things with the stick is not when you're getting struck by it, but when somebody close to you is getting struck by it, particularly the first person, and say, whoa, you know, you wake up. So, yeah, a sound can and yet it was also, that's great, that's what function it served for you, and if it serves that function, I'm glad, and I still want to be more mindful.

[51:59]

Maybe one more. Dean? In listening to this and hearing, I've always been perplexed in this practice, that we're always saying the same thing over and over again. But it really works, because every time we hear the same thing, and I might hear it differently, or might hear it in the right moment, but just now listening to all this, I realize we also do the same thing over and over again. We sit over and over and over. And this minute is this minute, and the next minute is the next minute. And I just liked hearing that and connecting those two things that we do over and over again. Yeah, they're the same. And, you know, he's talking about he's not saying warm things over and over again. He's talking about what we find in our practice as we're sitting.

[53:03]

Because everything flows from that. Then what we say flows from that. How we act with each other when we're serving, when we're walking about, flows from that. And we're so lucky to do this. I can't imagine, I certainly can't imagine what my life would be without it. So thank you all for your warmth and for your continuous

[53:39]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_91.15