Good morning. Good morning. Wow, it's so nice to see so many of you here this morning. I think many of you were here for the new member of victory ceremony that we just did. And my name is Lendella. Is there anyone here for the first time? Wonderful. Welcome. I'm so filled with joy from just doing this new member welcoming ceremony because it's a ceremony of acknowledgement, recognition, gratitude, appreciation, and, you know, the celebration has a soft, quiet quality. Thank you. Also, I'm suffused with joy and thank you for all the members who have joined recently and are now in this formal ceremony to acknowledge them.

[01:00]

You know, when we have meals, we talk about, there's a phrase, giver, receiver, then gift. And it's this cycle of three, that there's a giver, there's a receiver, and then there has to be a gift in there, but they're actually inside. And so the cycle of generosity is empty in the sense that there is no thing to grasp onto, but it comes alive in non-trusting, in enacting, in very separable. So to become more involved to the Berkeley Center is to open yourself to the whole interplay of give or receive or gift. When I first came to the Berkowitz Center in the mid-1990s, I said, oh wow, it's 30 years.

[02:06]

And when I first walked through the gate, I felt welcome in a really nice way. I'd come late. because I refused to believe what was posted on the flyer. It could not be that early. And then on Monday morning is when I had the special thing that was started at 541. It's our show. Well, fortunately, it happened to be at the conference. So there was somebody outside who just very gently sent signals, me here and now, let me know that I was welcome. It was really powerful. It was very quiet. It's a very quiet way I felt seen. I'd meditated before quite a bit, but I hadn't done it. And it just felt really good to be here, to feel the strength of the practice, which was really palpable when I entered the Zendo.

[03:09]

And then, you know, and everybody left quietly afterwards. Dolly Gattozzi, who was there then, she saw that I was coming every day. It really worked. My work was on one end of the line. That was my house, the Zendo, and where I was working. So I just came every day because work was at 8. And she noticed that I was coming, my name, and then every morning she would say, good morning, Linda. and wish me a good day. So those moments of feeling seen and appreciated were really, really wonderful. Also been fine, and many people are, to just come very quietly, not have any interactions, and just have the feeling in the zendo.

[04:12]

But for me, the two together were really important. specifically because I already had a sitting practice, a strong sitting practice, and I was doing a lot of retreats. I think in the year before that, I had managed to spend five weeks doing that. But there wasn't a sangha in the East Bay for Vipassana. There was one night-a-week group that was kind of far, and then there was spirit. It was huge. I knew I needed sangha practice, that it wasn't just about sitting. It was something about practicing together with other people in sangha and all the things that come along with that. And I had no idea what all went along with that. It was just at that point in my practice as much as earlier I'd been called to practice. There was a resonance, you know, and I was like, hmm.

[05:15]

And... And it was very interesting. I had apparently been interested in a place to sit or a place to sit Zen two or three years before I came because about a few months after I started practicing, I found we used to only have mailers before the Internet, you know, like a little mailer trifold. It was very nice. one and it was dated like two or three years ago. I'm like, wow, what happened to that? Wasn't the right time. And then it was. As I said, I started and just kept going, not knowing what it would lead to. So you never know. Yeah. So a few months after I had joined, I was standing there looking at things, and I think it was after Soji in the morning.

[06:27]

No, it was a Saturday. It was a Saturday. And I remember it so clearly. It's amazing. And Ross came over, and he stood next to me, and he said, I see that you've been coming a lot. And that's really great. And it seems like you're getting something out of the practice. Yes, I am. And he said, have you ever thought about becoming a member? I'm like, no. And I was really kind of embarrassed. It occurred to me to do that. I wasn't a joiner. I didn't kind of do that. Okay. And I realized that my experience of just coming, and I was only coming in the mornings, not even on Saturdays. Yoga class on Saturday mornings, which at that time was the priority. So I was only coming in the mornings, and I didn't see all that went into making Berkeley Zen Center happen in all the ways that we're used to.

[07:38]

You know, if I'd come for Saturdays, I mean, I knew we did soji. but I didn't see any more than that. But what I got was that I was needed in some way to make this all happen. Ross had brought that up with me because I recognized that this is something that a lot of people create together. They're all doing things. There are buildings. There's, you know, forms and ceremonies. And I've been just receiving. And I realized that I could participate. I could belong rather than just coming. And I hadn't done something like that before in my life. So that was fresh. And the next thing that, the next kind of marker in my practice, it was not long after.

[08:43]

first one-day sashin, one-day Zen sashin. And I was assigned the role of bell ringer, which means that you get up and play that bell rather than one of these bells to mark the beginning and end of each period. Lead kinhen, lead the walking meditation during the periods between zazam. And that was a completely different experience than just coming in and sitting down and following along because I had to watch the clock at a form. You know, it was like clear instructions. It wasn't a good thing to do, but it meant that I felt responsible all day long. And I was really honored and surprised that they would entrust me with a role like this. And it was also hard. was not an easy thing.

[09:46]

And it stretched me and boy did I get to see my mind. I'm not even getting a break. How do I go to the bathroom? I'm leaving all this time. And in the moment it was not my best one day sit. It was fine but it was a little tense. But I've had a lot of difficult But the thing was, it really got me in the door. And especially, it wasn't just that I was left alone. Someone would come check in, because they knew I was new to this, and find out how it was going. Do you need anything? I mean, it was simple. It was like, you okay? Yes. And I was okay. And I stretched. So, you never know. when you just say yes. But a lot of the time, even if that moment is hard or challenging or presents you with something new that you weren't expecting, I mean, it always does, right?

[10:57]

You say yes to something and you don't know exactly what it is. You think you know what it is, but it's always different. But that capacity to trust that you can grow into something, trust that you'll be supported, trust that it's okay. whether it's cooking for the sangha or serving or cleaning the toilets. It's all form necessary. So to practice Zen is to practice with others. I used to have a sangha member here many years ago, very dedicated, very Now, one of the foremost, still a priest, and one of the foremost translators of Japanese Zen today. And at the time, he was much younger then. He said, you know, if you're not sitting with other people, it's not Zazen.

[12:04]

This is what we do. This is our practice. And I wouldn't go that far. But I would say that it's a whole realm of practice that is different in some ways than sitting by yourself at home. Because you're rubbing up against people. Even if it's just rubbing up against them because they're breathing in a way that you would rather be otherwise. Or they moved or whatever it is, you know. And I personally really value both forms of practice. Often Vipassana, I first resonated with Zen reading it, but then I couldn't find a place to practice. So I started singing Vipassana, and it was wonderful. I loved it. And I still love it. I still go on Vipassana retreats when I can because it's just dropping off. It doesn't have all these opportunities, but it has a lot of space.

[13:07]

But I knew that it was really important to also bridge between sitting on the cushion and the world and relationship and people. So, you know, like any relationship, your relationship with practice, your relationship with this zendo, Berklee Zen Center with the sangha and individual sangha members. It's a commitment. It's a relationship. So it has like every flavor of relationships. Not necessarily on one person. But like everything comes up. And because you know we come together regularly and over time and I think critically because whether formally or less formally all here for like the same core reasons which is to wake up and find a way to live and then we you know in harmony with each other and with ourselves and with the world and then we get some language and some forms that help like the bodhisattva vows beings are numberless I vow to awaken with them and uh

[14:33]

the precepts and the refuges and all these different aspects. So this gives us a container of practice and a container in which to learn all the ways that we belong and all the ways that we can support it, which changes over time. Sometimes, very often over time, We can be involved or give and receive or express support deep and over time, and then there's also times in our lives when it's not that way, when we can't for a period of time. When I was coming earlier, I knew a number of people who were here, and they were just really, and then they started a family, and then we saw them again 18 years later, basically. But their practice extended into their family life.

[15:37]

Having that grounding in practice, they took it into raising a family. So it's love. Sangha is a manifestation of love, and it includes all of it. But fundamentally, it's that connection and willingness to show up. I think that's really love and the foundation. is to show up with your best self and listen and express. That's this moment. We'll see what I say another day. Some variation of that, I think, though. So, another manifestation of love, of course, is generosity. And the Buddha, out of love for the world, out of compassion for the world, chose, after his awakening, re-enter the suffering world and do his best to share what he had awakened to.

[16:40]

...of generosity. An act of love. And in the paramitas, the perfections, Donna Paramita, the perfection of generosity, is the first. And I... also says, you can give the flowers on a distant hillside. So it's not just tangible things. I'm remembering the Christmas carol I loved when I was a little kid, you know, the boy, and he came to visit the baby Jesus and he said, I have nothing for you except I can play on my drum. And that, of course, was held up as the greatest gift because it was from the heart. So we can give from the heart. We can give of our body things that need to be taken care of.

[17:46]

So many of you here do all of these things all the time. And we can contribute to the material support of the temple. All of these things make the temple possible. It doesn't Anyone here who's taken on responsible positions within the Sangha knows it doesn't just happen. Although everybody's really good about making it look like it's nothing. Nothing. Because it's been a little at a time, little at a time, stretching into it. It's like, oh yeah, here's this. This is what it's like to serve. This is what it's like to make a mistake, recover, and go on. I think one of the things that I'd always kind of wanted to experience was to be a working part of a whole.

[19:03]

I didn't have words for it. I didn't have more than a kind of a felt sense. But I wanted something that was beyond just a friendship. I wanted something where we were doing things together. that it was embodied. I never had it in team sports. I think a lot of people have had it in team sports or group hikes or things like that, that there's this together thing, but I just didn't happen to have those things. So it was easy for me to feel like a working part of the whole. That was great. Oh, I want to say a little bit about Sangha.

[20:07]

The Sangha is the community. It's one of the three treasures. Three treasures are Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. The Buddha, the Awakened Ones, are teachers, teachings to this, and Dharma, the teachings, and Sangha. The community. And the meaning of the word sangha has changed over time. It originally meant just the arhats, just the awakened ones, the fully awakened ones in the Buddhist time. And then it expanded a little farther and it included a wider circle as more people awakened in the Buddhist sangha. And then it included all the monastics, all the nuns. So it's the sangha of all Buddhists. It also can refer to another community, like the Berkeley Zen Center Sangha. And I really like the way it's evolved to become, which Buddhism has also, to become more widely inclusive.

[21:19]

The word sangha, it's a Sanskrit word, and... It literally means that which is struck well together. I think kind of like it was struck. It wasn't stuck well together. It was struck like clay or metals are struck well together and they become stronger like that. It refers to something solid, something not easily broken apart. And in fact, one of the grave, I'm forgetting the word, but it's not a sin, what? Offense. Offense. One of the five grave offenses, along with killing a Buddha, killing your father, is causing schism within the sangha.

[22:28]

causing this divisiveness. I'm still turning that one. Lori and I were talking about that I was wishing that I knew more people in the Sangha because I go through the member list or I'm writing thank you cards to people. All these people, yeah, I've been here for over a year and I don't, I haven't met all of them. And she said, yeah, she looks at the list. Yeah, some of them have moved away and some of them are, you know, can't come in person anymore, whatever. And so, you know, she posted something that I would really like people and inviting people to sign up for Dokusan with me. And that's been going great.

[23:30]

I don't get to sip much zazen anymore, but I can... Not in here. But I feel you from right over there. And I would love to continue that and also invite people who can't come in person during zazen to just email me And we'll, you know, we'll find a time that works for something on Zoom. So, yeah, probably given what coming into Rahatsu and the holidays, we'll do that in the new year. But I would love to meet with more and more of you. I'd love to hear about your practice and your experience of BCC and what's alive for you. And it also really helps me to just have more and more of a sense of who the Sangha is and what each of you brings and what each of you are receiving or wish that you are receiving.

[24:41]

And this is true even if you already have a teacher. I just like being in touch with people and being able to connect a little bit. So if any of you are interested in becoming a member, Where's Sue? There's Sue, right over here with her hand up. She mentioned in the new member welcoming ceremony. She's the coordinator, and you can talk to her after the talk when we have tea and cookies. And if you're online, you can just go to the generosity tab on BCC, and it will be able to find membership. Good. I was hoping I could make it kind of short so we'd have plenty of time for questions because I'd love to hear if you have questions, but also if you just have an experience that you'd like to share about Sangha practice or what it's like to take up positions here, anything that has arisen for you.

[25:50]

Thank you. Thank you very much for your talk. I remember one time in Tassahara, a student there who had been studying Sanskrit told me that his best definition for Sangha was something that's nailed down in place. It's funny because you and I were traveling around a lot. We were going from place to place and experiencing life in different sanghas.

[26:58]

And then we came back here to where it all began for both of us. Actually, same time, January 96. And it has been something I've been turning a lot. Now I really feel nailed down in place. My gosh. But how do you, you know, there's also a more expansive feeling of sangha. Like there's a more expansive feeling of family. I have a refrigerator magnet that says we're all cousins. And so how do you see including that? Thank you. Thank you. Well, you may not, some of you probably know, but not all of you probably know that there's a number of what we call branching streams, which are the branching streams that all come from the one source, who was Suzuki Roshi.

[28:09]

So these are all Suzuki Roshi lineage. There are like 80 of them, and they're all around the world, mostly in this country, mostly on the West Coast. They're all over. We have conferences. Colleen and Greg and I got to go to the Branching Streams conference earlier this year where a number of people come together. And you can see where morning service where it's a little different. It's like, whoa, you do it like that. Okay, great. That's cool. To learn about each other. But it's like meeting your cousins that you don't even know yet. Because we share this lineage. We share so much. And then there are the details. There are the family details of each set of cousins. Do you have anything you want to add to that since we've both been traveling? No.

[29:12]

Just it feels good to be. It feels very good. to be nailed down a place back where it started. Thank you for your talk, Linda. I'm wondering if you could talk more about, you mentioned just a sentence about making a mistake while doing a role or something around the temple. I was curious if you would talk more about that. It made me think about how I think coming to practice or I think I've realized that for me, the fear of making a mistake is actually way worse and more painful than making the mistake. And I'm curious if that resonates with you at all. I'm really remembering the first time I was a Jisha and I really didn't know what I was doing. And that's a very public role to not know what you're doing.

[30:18]

And I made it through the day, and it was fine. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what the jisha does at all. People are always asking me. I'm like, oh, and I have a thought, like a piece of paper that tells me, but I just really don't know. Anyway, I think I see a mistake. It's like, oh, you can actually be really skillful at making mistakes. And once I realized the thing to learn how to do, It wouldn't trip me up so much when I found myself in the midst of one. And I'm just curious if you have anything else to add. No, all of what you said resonates so much with my own experience. I thought it was the single greatest gift of being on the Doanrio at Tassajara for a practice period because I would kind of freeze when I made a mistake. which makes subsequent mistakes like you're not quite there.

[31:19]

And it was just like, okay, happening every day, not dying, not dying, not dying yet, nobody's dying yet, nobody talked to me, nobody gave a funny look. And then my story, I don't know where and when I tell my stories. You may have heard this one also, but... ordained. I was at Tassajara. It was during the spring work period. There were various visitors there, and there was someone on the tan opposite me who, after the robe chant, got up, and she looked like she was trying not to smile, and I was wondering what was so funny. She was wearing a brown robe. She was a Dharma transmitted teacher. Nobody I knew. I have no idea who she was. And then I noticed that the ties, this is tied together, right here, which is what keeps it on, were hanging out the bottom. She probably didn't wear ocasa really often. And she'd gotten it turned.

[32:23]

So she put it on upside down and she'd like kind of tuck this corner in, which wasn't going to last very long. And she had this huge grin on her face. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to make it. Like if she can come. And that magnitude, and be smiling, it's like, I'm all in for this. And just this morning, you know, I read the script for the ceremony, and then all the new members are lining up, and they bow, and I'm bowing with them, thinking they're bowing to me. No, it's to the altar. Oh, okay. And I had a moment, it's like I noticed it, had a moment of embarrassment, you know, and it's like, you know, it's okay. And kind of appreciating it could be okay.

[33:25]

So, Sue. And then I think we have someone online. Yeah. Yeah, thank you for your talk. I'm running around in circles with the gift, the giver, and the receiver. There's no separation here. Your mistake is your gift. I've had that experience, which has been life-changing, that it's okay. I can't even tell you what a gift that is to be with that. And so many people I'm running into who are doing such amazing work in the world and social justice and preserving wilderness and their gift, you know, it's just circular.

[34:30]

The gift and the receiver and the giver are... amazing. It just feels all one now. So thank you for reminding me so I could think about that. Thank you. We have someone online. Hello, Kabir. Hi, Linda Roshi. So it's common and also common is about advice actually so i am one of those uh uh parents that i had a taste of the dharma and then busy with kids so i i'm a remote practitioner if you call it and uh it is it gets but uh just remembering the breath and um i think so she said one time something about continuous zazen or continued meditation

[35:33]

and every activity. And I was wondering if you heard him say that or if you have any add to that. And the second question, yes, I love that it is okay. It's been helping me a lot lately. But one of this is not okay. I'll start with that one. What do you mean by not okay? So what if there Oh, you know, somebody gets hurt or what's happening, you know, and just in, you know, you know, so when do we say no? I mean, because I know you have to say something in one of the books you wrote, right? When do we say it's not okay? When it hurts someone. I think that, you know, and... You could put that towards yourself, too. We do things sometimes that hurt ourselves.

[36:38]

Yeah. So I think seeing clearly, not just inwardly, but outwardly. I mean, sometimes we're late in coming to the realization that our not reaching out to someone, it wasn't what we did, it was what we didn't do as much. The sins of doing something and the sins of omission, the things we didn't do, can also be harmful and hurtful in varying degrees, which we can imagine, but we don't know. We also don't know what the outcome of them will be. It could be a turning word or a turning moment. But I think when we recognize, because we're looking and because we're open, that our words or our actions we feel has caused harm to others, then we do our best to apologize and we can.

[37:45]

And that's also a form of connection. That's repairing something which may have been damaged or broken. And we don't know. We won't know until we do that. If it has been harmed... And if we can, we can do what may be a lot or maybe a little bit of work. And if people, so this is why the Buddha said, you need to have a certain amount of wholesome shame in order to practice. Not toxic shame, not being admired in it, but wholesome shame. Shame which lets you have a response in your body or your body-mind. That something that you did was not okay. And if you lack that, and there are people who lack that, you can't really practice because it's not just about sitting and meditating. It's how we manifest. It's how we live. It is similar to becoming an adult in the book, Opening the Hand of Thought.

[38:53]

Yes. Yes, exactly. I mean, adult. Yeah. Thank you for your question. And you ask about, did Sojin Roshi ever say that? He went through different periods, and we have been saying that in a period when I wasn't practicing so closely with him. But the heart of it? Absolutely. All the time. All the time. It's on demand. It's on demand. That's his practice. Thank you so much. Thank you. Ben. Thank you, Linda Roshi. I came across, I was listening to an old talk of Sojun's and he was speaking about Sangha life at Tassahara. And I won't get into the details because there was details, but he arrived at this comment resonating with me that when we're alone and our door is closed or whatever, when we're not around anyone, we think maybe that the actions we take there have no effect.

[39:55]

It's just our action. but actually it's affecting everyone and we don't know it maybe. And I can see how that's likely easier to see in monastic practice at Tassajara, but I've been sitting with, oh my God, all the things I think. Yeah, there's no, no action is. Anyway, could you say something about that? Yes, thank you for your question. So there's giver, receiver, and gift, which are inseparable. But each of us, all of us, are inseparable from the universe, from the world. Like, we're just on a very concrete level. Where is my body? I eat food. This delicious tofu...

[40:56]

breakfast dish is not me. Now it's me. Now it's not me. Oxygen, same way. Comes in, goes out along the way. It's pumping through blood and all this kind of stuff. So, you know, and our words and our actions, you know, it's like the right side of the bed in the morning. You know, everything feels good and it's going well and you get up and there's a sense of ease for whatever reason. And so this is all like stuff happening inside. And then you go out and you happen to pass someone and because that's been what you've been hanging out in. Or maybe you woke up and it was a good day and then you thought, well, I'll just check the news before I go out. And then you walk out and, you know, and then you contribute to someone's not-so-good day.

[42:01]

You know, it's everything, what was it? Everything, everywhere, all at once. You know, that movie, and it was like, that's just the Avatamsaka Sutra, you know, with CGI. It's great, you know. But it is, it's everything. I mean, the Buddha... talked about, you know, what I teach was how to awaken, you know, how to become free from suffering, particularly the suffering we cause ourselves, which is the extra. He said, and what I teach is like a handful of leaves. What I realized is a whole... So what you're talking about is the whole forest, you know, and you don't have to know more... than the handful of leaves that you can see and take care of. But knowing that the whole forest and we also know now that the forest talks to each other.

[43:08]

They listen, they feel, they respond to the pain in each other. So talk about working part of a whole. Thank you. Anyone else? Marley. Thank you so much for your talk. and all your responses. Speaking of strange threads that go beyond what we can see, I also have the same first sasheen job. And people may know that time management is not always my strongest point.

[44:13]

And it was deeply stressful the entire time, and yet it was so valuable, even though that was the case. I think exactly for some of those reasons you say, which is like to learn that even when it's stressful, even when you're getting it wrong or using all your energy to not getting it wrong, it's still part of what keeps the sishin going. helping people even imperfectly, which is the best I could do in that moment. And I guess the other thing I'll say, since you asked for questions about membership and Saga physicians and things, is I've just passed on the bathroom attendant work after two years. I wish you well with it. But that really drew me into so much more community around here because I had an appointment.

[45:22]

I went to Zazen every Wednesday morning and I would see people and I was like, even if I don't want to, I'm going to show up so that I can clean the bathroom. So it reached out far beyond the toilet. So thank you. Yes. Just so. We have time for maybe one more. Yeah, Margaret. I would just like to extend a note of gratitude because I entered this tradition through online, not with Berkeley Zen Center, but with San Francisco Zen Center. It was, yes, the pandemic, but also a time of my life when I was entering a new relationship and then marriage and then a new role as a parent, new jobs, new husband in grad school. So the ability to have online as a doorway so that I could, you know,

[46:28]

be a bystander with a screen off sitting on my couch while people are also desperately hoping I can help them as well. It was very critical, especially in that period of so many demands. So now that we're kind of in this world where maybe we consider a lot of the in-person virtual world, I really want to acknowledge everyone who's tuning in remotely. And also that we maintain that doorway. Experienced, you know, the ability to still connect with the teacher and to have opportunities to start and then deepen a practice has been really transformative to me. And then to suddenly, you know, later, many years later, actually show up in person and like. and how welcoming it's been. So I just want to acknowledge the complexity of what a doorway is and what attendance is and what it means to show up in your life in that moment, whatever that is.

[47:38]

Thank you. Thank you so much. I was really sorry we couldn't have the, due to PG&E brownout, we couldn't have the ceremony online and welcome the new members who are going to participate that way. Yeah, and thanks to all of you online for being there. There are people here that I barely know who are online because that's their sangha, but I don't sit in the zendo online, so I don't know all of you who do that so regularly, but I found out that there are some of you who are extremely which is... Sorry, I'm going to look at you now. The camera's now up there, so I'll look at you. Yeah, that's better. Okay, you can see that I'm looking at you now. Hi!

[48:41]

Yeah. Thank you for making an online sangha. I'm such a body person, I'm such an in-person person, and I'm older. But... what you all are doing. And Blake, thank you so much for being online tech hosts so frequently. It's a great connection possible because otherwise when people's lives change, they wouldn't be able to participate anymore. And now people can. So it's a beautiful thing. On that note, thank you all very much.

[49:20]

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