Good evening. There's several things that I would like to talk about, but I'm going to have to limit myself. Two major things that I want to talk about, but first I just want to mention how happy I am that Lou and Blanche are here and that Blanche is leading the practice period and I think things are getting off to a very good start. So it really makes me feel comfortable. The other thing I just want to mention, I don't want to talk about it, Somebody said to me the other day, I was talking to this person who was not a resident, and we were talking about how to deepen their practice.

[01:16]

And I said, well, you know, one thing you can do is attend a practice period. And the person said, well, I didn't know that a non-resident could attend a practice period. And I thought, why doesn't this person who's been around for several years, sitting by them quite regularly, not know that? So it's not something that I feel that I want to blame anybody for or criticize, but it bothers me. I'm concerned that that can happen. I'm just concerned that something like that can happen. And what I feel is that the building becomes more and more insular. And I don't know that it's anybody's fault, but to me, I just feel that it's a problem. And I would like us to be able to work on seeing why that is and why

[02:28]

And I know there are many reasons why, and they've all been explained. But I'm still not satisfied. So I just want to mention that. The two things that I want to talk about are the upcoming Tokubetsu Sesshin at Tassahara. And the other thing I want to talk about is my role as Abbot. So I'll talk about the Tokubetsu Sesshin first. Tokubetsu Sesshin, Tokubetsu means special. And in the Japanese The Sotoshu is the administrative branch of the Soto School in Japan.

[03:36]

And they take care of, among other things, what they call the Soto Mission. Soto's mission is the overseas branch of the Soto School. And one of the offices is taking care of the foreign department or the various zendos that have come into existence and the teachers that have come into existence in the world outside of Japan in the past 25 years, 25 or 30 years. And the soto, in those 25 or 30 years, there's been very little interaction between the soto shu and the rest of the world.

[04:49]

And most of the teachers who came to America and Europe were not the run of the mill Japanese priests. And pretty much they did things on their own. Suzuki Roshi is a very unusual priest, actually, because he came to America with a very open attitude. And our experience of Suzuki Roshi was very different than our experience of most Japanese priests. Suzuki Roshi was very open to Americans and the people that came to him. And although he set up the teaching in a kind of Japanese style, he always respected our American way of life.

[05:58]

And he never compared our American way of life with Japanese way of life in a way that was critical or judgmental. So everybody was very attracted to him and found that it was very easy to practice with him. And he made his students and the people around him feel that Zen belonged to them and didn't belong to somebody in a foreign country. It wasn't the property of Japanese. And he also got into some trouble because of that. When the representatives from Japan would come they couldn't understand what we were doing and they would criticize Suzuki Roshi and they criticized Karagiri Roshi but the actual fact of practice was so strong and so real that Suzuki Roshi was encouraged and he didn't give up he continued to teach and to promote

[07:20]

our practice. So in all that time, and for a long time afterward, up until just a few years ago, there was almost no contact with Japanese Soto Shu. Some people had gone to Aheiji Monastery in the old days, twenty years ago, twenty-five years ago, to practice but it didn't work out very well because they didn't know Japanese very well and they weren't treated so well. So recently some of our priests and some of the priests both in Europe and America have been going to Japan to confirm their Dharma transmission at the head temples and they've been received and acknowledged.

[08:21]

And the Japanese Sotoshio has organized what they call tokubetsu sushin, which I mentioned, tokubetsu meaning special sushin. It's not exactly like a sushin that we experience for a week, but the tokubetsu sushin in Japan, which occurs every other year, and it's happened two or three times, is more like it lasts for one month. And they invite the various teachers from Europe and America, who have Dharma transmission mostly, are heads of acknowledged teachers to participate. And they share their way of doing things and their understanding. And they have lecturers and so forth. So one year, Karagiri Roshi, they invited Karagiri Roshi to lead it. and one year they invited Maizumi Roshi to lead it. And we had talked to them about possibly having it sometime at Tasahara because it's very difficult for us to go.

[09:31]

I've never been able to go to Tokubetsu Shishin because they always do it in the fall when I have to go to Tasahara to do the practice period. And so it's always been impossible to actually do that. So we had mentioned that at some point it would be nice to have it at Tassajara in America. So they told us this year that they wanted to do it at Tassajara. Not a full toko-betsu sushine, but a kind of half toko-betsu sushine, two weeks. And it's kind of a trial, a test to see if they could actually do it here. and so the only time that we could the time that seemed most appropriate was during the practice period at Pasa Hara in the fall and the first two weeks of practice period so everybody agreed that this was okay and so the time is coming up and there are thirty people who are invited who have been invited who are coming

[10:47]

some of the teachers from Europe, and Germany, and Spain, and Italy, among others. I can't remember all of them. And some American teachers from the East Coast, and some from the West Coast, and some Japanese representatives of the Sotoshu. All in all, about 30 people, which includes some the teachers from Zen Center. Those people will be arriving, most of them, on Saturday and Sunday, which is a very inconvenient time because Saturday afternoon and Sunday is the time off at Zen Center. I have gone to many events at other Zen Centers And I was always very well taken care of when I did that.

[12:05]

People would pick me up at the airport. Someone was assigned to pick me up at the airport. And then I was given a place to stay and all the meals were provided. And we were taken care of like guests, you know. And when you go to Japan, people take care of you like a guest they really put themselves out and they never tell us today's my day off or I had planned something else they just take care of you so I feel that we should I would like us to makes an effort to take care of these people when they come through, especially the Japanese people, because I would like us to make a good impression for them, not to feel that we're selfish or don't care about taking care of them.

[13:22]

So anyway, I don't want to talk too much about that, but I do want to mention it, that it takes the whole sangha to make that happen. We can't lay down a few people and expect to take care of those people. Everybody has to participate in some way to take care of those people. Because this effort is not just for the few people that are going to participate, that participation by those few people is a benefit to everyone I feel that it's very important for us to make some connection with Japan this opportunity has come up and it's come to this point and I think it's very important for us to find out how we can actually relate to Japan I think that both American Zen and Japanese Zen need each other.

[14:29]

And I think we have something to offer to each other, and I feel that they feel that too. When we were in Japan a few years ago, was it last year or the year before? And we had a talk with the Shimu Cho. And they emphasized over and over again that they wanted to have an equal relationship with us, a peer relationship. And they recognized that our practice is very genuine. And so there are a lot of difficulties, you know. a lot of difficulties dealing with a culture that's so old and where they feel that they're the parent, in a way.

[15:33]

And for us to feel open to them and trusting enough so that we can learn something from them without feeling taken over. I think we're in a good position. I think we have a lot of confidence in our practice and they have a lot of respect for what we're doing. But the difference in our cultures and in our backgrounds is very different and in the way we do things, even though our practice is very similar. So it's going to be a little bit tricky to make this work But we're putting a lot of effort into it. So I'm going to Tassahara to lead the practice period, Monday.

[16:38]

And the Tokubetsu Sushin will be the first two weeks. So the participants from overseas will come pretty much Saturday and Sunday. And I would like us to really put our own self-interest aside and as much as we can to help each other to take care of these people. The other thing I want to talk about is my role as Abbot, which my term, my four years, My four-year term comes up at the end of this year. And I've been asked by the task force of the board, this is an abbot's task force, which has been researching how we want the abbot, what we want the abbot to do.

[17:52]

And they have asked me to serve another term as abbot. And I've taken two months off, and I'm just back now, thinking about how I want to return as abbot and what I want to do and how I want to relate to everyone and relate to the practice. And so I said to the task force, I said, well, why don't you ask me what you want me to do as abbot? If you want me to be abbot, what do you want me to do? And they said, well, we want you to provide the teachings through lectures and classes and they show, and we want you to take care of the students and we want you to train the teachers and not to be so involved in administration.

[19:08]

And I said, well, that's pretty much what I want to do. In the past, my participation has been taken over by administrative duties. And that has eaten up or taken up so much of my time, it's very difficult to pay attention to the students and to work with the teachers. And then in talking to them further, what developed was that Instead of being scheduled, rather than being involved in scheduling myself to actually not have anything special to do, to just be open and free to do whatever I feel needs to be done in the area that I need to do it.

[20:24]

So, in a sense, I need some structure, but on the other side, it's important to not have to do something, not have to be involved in the structure, in the daily structure of things, because it inhibits a kind of creativity and freedom to respond to circumstances. So what I would want to be able to do is when I come to the city to not walk into a meeting, but just be available without having anything special to do. And I also want to spend time studying with the teachers, in probably a scheduled way, and do dokasan.

[21:39]

But mostly just being available for the teaching side, and the relating side, and very little administration. It's impossible not to do administration. I can't be outside of administration. But, you know, there are so many competent people here. This place is crawling with competence. It's overflowing with competent cockroaches. And people with years and years of experience. who can take care of most of the stuff that has to be taken care of here. And the more I take care of it, the less they can take care of it. So one of the things that's kind of developed, I think, is a kind of parent-teacher relationship.

[22:44]

I mean, parent-child relationship, where the teacher becomes the parent. and you're always asking, is this okay? Is that okay? I really want to be able to, and I do actually, trust and rely on the judgment of the Sangha, of the teachers and the practice leaders to make the right decisions. Not that I'm not involved in that, I don't need to go through all the steps with people. So the more responsibility everyone takes, the freer I am to do what I have to do, to do what you want me to do.

[23:55]

One of the things that we talked about was different styles, different styles of teacher or abbot in Buddhist practice. And one style is the person who kind of learns and makes everyone come along in a certain way. And another style is the person who just is there, and everybody takes care of that person. And by taking care of that person, the students aren't so self-concerned. They're concerned with something outside of themselves. So these are kind of two styles. And I think that my style is somewhere in the middle.

[25:03]

I take care of you, but you also have to take care of me. And I take care of you and you take care of me, but everybody has to take care of each other as well. So the more that responsibility everyone takes, the easier it is for me to pay attention and to deal with you in a way that works best. So maybe if I don't attend so many meetings, we'll make some mistakes, which is okay. then we can correct the mistakes or deal with something that's not a good decision or something. But that's okay. But actually, I think most of the decisions that people make, they've been doing it for a long time, very good.

[26:18]

People know how to do it. I don't have to do all that stuff. And part of my role, I think, is just to encourage everyone to take responsibility. So in this next phase of ABBACHIP, this is my experiment, not experiment exactly, the way I want to do it and see how that develops. I want to give myself the space to see how that develops. One aspect of working with the older people and the teachers is that then they work with the younger people.

[28:08]

One person can't take care of everybody the same, but if one person takes care of these people, then these people can take care of these people and so forth. And then that one person is actually taking care of everybody. So although I feel responsibility for everybody, I can't do it personally. We have to build an enormous amount of trust and sincerity. I can't tell you all the things that the abbot has to do, but it's a lot.

[29:35]

It's an awful lot. And there's never a moment when there isn't something to do. So how to do that most efficiently and how to make it possible. You know, if the abbot is in a position of serving everybody in the way they want, then one person just gets pulled completely apart. So how does that one person stay in the center of everything, not being pulled apart, and in a way that actually serves everyone. That's the abbot's koan.

[30:37]

How do you stay in the center of the practice serving everyone without being pulled apart by everything or everyone and without overloading and at the same time making it all work? easy in a small place. In a small place, the abbot can do a lot of stuff like that. Administration and, you know. But when you get into such a, so many students and so many activities, it can't be done in the same way. This is the abbot's koan, but it's also everyone else's koan. It's the koan of how do we remain at ease in the midst of all the activity that's going on around us and concerning us?

[31:51]

How do we handle whatever is tossed at us? That's the bottom line in our practice. I don't care how much you know. When I was on my leave of absence for two months, I didn't do much zazen or any of the usual things that I any of my usual activities.

[32:58]

And then when I started again, quite recently, I realized that you know when I was doing all that stuff I had the momentum and so I could do it but starting again it was not so easy to to go back into that mode and I realized I don't want to go back into that mode to be able to conserve my energy and use it in the best way, in just the right way. That's our practice too.

[34:07]

It's just like Zazen. In Zazen, we're continually looking for the correct way to sit. Even though we've been sitting for 25 years, every time we sit in Zazen, we look for the correct way to sit, which is how to do the best we can with the least amount of energy, the least amount of effort, or how to use our effort the most efficiently to do what we're doing. So that's my task for myself, how to do what I'm doing, using my energy completely, but using it in the best way so that it supports my practice.

[35:11]

So I'm kind of looking forward to this next phase with enthusiasm rather than with trepidation. Do you have any questions? I just want to be sure that there is a bit of a question from what you were saying, at least I didn't get the impression in the discussion, that you would be mostly available to the teachers and not so available to the students. My feeling from the discussion was, in fact, you'll be more available to students who are not yet in this realm of being trained with teachers because you won't be induced. Yeah. You might be out in the courtyard. That's right. That's right.

[36:37]

Yeah. Actually, I would like to be more available to people in a less formal way to actually be able to just relate to people in a normal, everyday manner. You know, doksan is important. It's very kind of, very special, deep kind of, should be, deep kind of way that we relate. But there's also It's also important to relate in a casual way, more like a working way, like the everyday way, which doesn't happen so much.

[37:44]

Because things come up in a less formal way that people don't get to when we talk in a formal way. And sometimes relating in a formal way is kind of like a wall. And something can come up in a casual way that is actually carrying the essence of what we really want to relate with. But it doesn't come up in that formal, takes a long time before that comes up in that formal way. So I feel quite good about relating to people in a less formal way. You know, when you talk in a formal way, you're more on your guard. People tend to be more on their guard. When you speak in a less formal way, something comes up that's less guarded.

[38:50]

And sometimes it's more real. So both ways are good. And I keep saying this, you know, and I don't do it, but I would like to just come and work in the kitchen in the morning sometime. But it's just not possible. Whenever I think about going to work in the kitchen in the morning, somebody says, oh, we have our meeting this morning, remember? So, to actually have the freedom just to do what I want, I think I can do that. Because it's very important in our practice to, you know, work together.

[39:53]

Working together is just as important, if not more important, than listening to lectures and having doks on. So when I say working together, they can be working in the kitchen or sleeping in the hall or just being casual in some way. So as Blanche says, maybe just sometimes sitting out in the courtyard and seeing what happens.

[41:05]

I mean, you said that your style of teaching was halfway between doing everything and being totally supportive. But as long as I've been at this and I still haven't figured out how to support you in your experience. In a way, I hear what you're saying, but how do we practically do that? Well, since I haven't done it yet, I don't know. So I would just like you to keep it in mind. I would just like you to keep it in mind as a question. As a question. Like, how can I take care of the abbot? Well, I'm not going to be in them.

[42:20]

Right? See? Clara said it was right. What? And having you around, but not really having you around. It breaks my heart. It's been very difficult. I'd like to believe it. I can't be here. I don't believe it. I hear your skepticism. All I can say is that let's try it. What's your assistant thing? I have a lot of experience in trying to support you. And I'd like to note from the General Assembly that this Abbott is a very independent person who is not easy to support because he doesn't know how to be in the role of receiving support.

[43:31]

So I think that one way the community can help is by helping the Abbott deep support. Because it's not, you know, his ruts are worn pretty deep as far as being in heaven goes. That's right. This habit is pretty independent and likes to do everything for himself. It feels funny when people do things for him. So it's a problem. But there's a way. I think the best way maybe to be supportive is to really practice hard. That's the most supportive thing you can do for me. I'll try to practice hard.

[44:32]

Is that what you mean? I'll try. If you try, I'll try. I think you're right, there's so many competent people, and yet, because of the years of having politicians made for people, It felt to me that people were somehow hurt by that. And making the step really forward to finally being able to make decisions. You know, there's been some kind of hurt there, that people haven't made the step completely.

[45:41]

You know, that there's something there that hasn't developed. Yeah. just encouraging me that you're encouraging people to find, you know, starting to make decisions, not always have to. Right. And I think it also seems like it's probably the difficult thing that people out of my habit are always having to do. It's not that people make decisions without thinking about what I think. I don't think that's the right way either. But when decisions are made, I should also be taken into consideration.

[46:43]

That doesn't mean that I have to be there with the whole process of decision making. So nobody feels good when they're left out. This is very important, you know. When somebody is left out or bypassed in some way, they don't feel good. And they make trouble. So I don't feel good when I'm bypassed or left out either. So when we do things, we have to think about each other, you know. When we make decisions, we have to think about, well, who should know about this, you know. Who are we bypassing? Are we bypassing anybody? Or are we going over somebody's head or something like that? So we always have to take everybody into consideration when we make a decision. And that kind of thoughtfulness is what goes a long way to making harmony in the Saga.

[47:46]

So, you know, at this, right, one example is, I just want to talk with Shona's, my example is that right now, I'm going to Tassajara, and I'm not going to be here. Paul is the Tanto, he's the head of the practice. Blanche is leading the practice period. So we have to be careful when we relate to Paul that we give him the proper respect for his position and we don't ignore Blanche. And we have to be very careful when we relate to Blanche that we give her the proper respect for her position, but we don't ignore Paul. And this is very, very important. Each one of these people has their function, and their functions are not the same.

[49:12]

Paul is actually taking care of the practice in the building. Blanche is taking care of the practice, period. There's a little bit of difference. There's a little difference. I've asked Paul to help Blanche to take care of the practice period, and Paul's been here for a long time. And I've also asked Blanche to give Paul space to take care of what is his business here. So they have to be very careful of each other and be very respectful of each other. And when that happens, then everyone else should be aware of that and be aware of their functions.

[50:29]

Even though it seems the same, it's different. in this way we can create some harmonious practice. Does it sound confusing? Yeah, how do we create harmonious practice?

[51:41]

Yeah, grief and hindrance. Anyway, I feel very good about going to Tassajara this time, knowing that things are so well taken care of here. So I wish you all a good practice period. And please take care of each other.

[52:16]

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