And the usual way of education is to collect various bits of knowledge and put them all together from here and there to gain something over here and a little something there and something over here and put them all together and make a kind of confection, make your spiritual cake, which can become very tasty. This is often the case, and especially nowadays, you know, when we have so many spiritual practices, and especially in a place like the Bay Area where they all come together In the old days, when there weren't so many exotic spiritual practices around, everybody paid attention to their practice.

[01:14]

And the teachers discouraged people from, their students, from going around and encasting other practices. Not because They didn't think that those were good practices, but because they didn't want their students taking little bits of this and that and making their own little cake from outside. I think our Zen practice is maybe the simplest of practices. It may not be the simplest practice, but it's very simple and straightforward.

[02:19]

The object of practice is to bring forth your own spiritual, so-called, spirit. to dig down deeply within yourself to find your own treasure, not to get it from someplace else. There's always this temptation. Over there, they have a more colorful practice, and maybe that would help me. Over here, they know something, and they're talking about something different. Maybe that would help me. We keep looking from outside for help, or looking in various places for the best philosophy or the best spiritual kind of understanding.

[03:27]

But actually, our own understanding has to come from within ourself. So, our Zen teachers were always very strict with us. In order to bring forth your own treasure, you have to drill your own well, so to speak. You have to tap That's why this simple practice of zazen over and over again, to sit zazen every day over and over again, is to, over time, to bring forth your true nature, your own treasure.

[04:30]

Not looking around. Not looking for help from outside. Actually, to be kind of helpless. It's important, actually, to be a little bit helpless and not depend on something. Not go seeking for something. To find yourself in a difficult position and not look any place for help. And to find yourself in a desperate situation and not look around for help. and to find what you need within yourself in that difficult, desperate situation.

[05:48]

This is what our Zen practice is actually about. So what we go to in our difficulty, or with our problem, or just in our daily life, is always referring to the depths of our own true nature. And if we rely on this, we will always find a way. The way is always found within ourself. if we really depend on it and don't go looking other places for it. So this is one reason why sasheen is such an important practice.

[07:09]

The sasheen for sitting zazen for seven days or five days or a long period of time you realize there's nothing to depend on and you have to go deeper and deeper into yourself to find your equanimity to find your calm mind to find your non-discriminating mind, to open up to your enlightened mind. So, that's why practice, the practice that came to us, from our Zen, there are various kinds, various ways to practice Zen, but our teachers brought us the Zen of

[08:40]

everyday practice, which is the constant practice of sitting Zazen every day, over and over. We cannot do this over and over. Actually, it looks like over and over, but every day is another totally different event. And every Zazen is a totally different event, a totally unique event. If you say, oh, I did Zazen yesterday, I know what that's like. That's not Zazen. Zazen is a unique event each time and cannot be compared to anything before or after.

[09:47]

So we must enter into, when we can enter into practice with that attitude, then every moment comes to life. Every moment is totally new. every activity is totally new, even though it looks like you did that yesterday. This way, we don't have to look around for novelty. Because we get bored with our life, we keep upping the ante in novelty and excitement. And we keep adding more and more exciting things to our repertoire. But it's not necessary. Every moment is totally new and dazzling. If you can allow the uniqueness of each event in your life to be new,

[11:04]

sitting still doing nothing. It's very satisfying if you're completely there. I want to read a little bit from Suzuki Roshi. My teacher, when he talks about constancy and also about

[12:25]

gathering pieces of information. He says, it's quite usual for us to gather pieces of information from various sources, thinking in this way to increase our knowledge. Actually, following this way, we end up not knowing anything at all. Our understanding of Buddhism should not be just gathering many pieces of information, seeking to gain knowledge. Instead of gathering knowledge, you should clear your mind. If your mind is clear, true knowledge is already yours. When you listen to our teaching with a pure, clear mind, you can accept it as if you were hearing something which you already knew. This is called emptiness, or omnipotent self, or knowing everything. When you know everything, you are like a dark sky. Sometimes a flashing will come through the dark sky.

[13:30]

After it passes you forget all about it and there is nothing left but the dark sky. The sky is never surprised when all of a sudden a thunderbolt breaks through. And when the lightning does flash a wonderful sight may be seen. When we have emptiness we are always prepared for watching the flashing. To keep our mind clean and clear is more appropriate than to collect pieces of information and build something called spiritual knowledge. To just be able to be like a frog This is one of Suzuki Yoshi's favorite simile.

[14:35]

The frog sits on the rock in utter darkness, as he says here, with the mind just totally still, maybe blinking once in a while. And when the fly comes along, Just can't justify. And if he likes it. If he doesn't like it. Cats are also very good at this. They have a wonderful composure. And when the mouse comes... So this is actually to be always at rest.

[15:43]

Always at rest and at the same time always totally ready for anything. So there's no anticipation There's no anxiety. Always resting within yourself. And when something needs to be done, you just respond. That's the fruit of practice. And then he talked about patience. There's a word, nin, which in Japanese sometimes translated as patience.

[16:47]

Katagiri Roshi's name was Dainin. So he used to think of his name as great patience. But Suzuki Roshi says, rather than patience, Constancy is a better translation for nim. Because patience has the connotation of waiting or doing something against your inclination. To do something, to have patience is not to follow your inclination, but to stay still. But constancy is more like going with your intention and doing something, whether the circumstances are good or bad, but always being there.

[18:01]

not depending on how things are, but just always being present. She says, I've always said that you must be very patient if you want to understand Buddhism, but I have been seeking for a better word than patience. The usual translation of the Japanese word nin is patience, but perhaps constancy is a better word. You must force yourself to be patient, but in constancy there is no particular effort involved. There is only the unchanging ability to accept things as they are. For people who have no idea of emptiness, this ability may appear to be patience, but patience can actually be non-acceptance. People who know, even if only intuitively, the state of emptiness, always have open the possibility of accepting things as they are.

[19:05]

They can appreciate everything, and in everything they do, even though it may be very difficult, they will always be able to dissolve their problems by constancy. So we talk about continuous practice, which is constancy. It's not that you come to the Zen Do and practice Zazen and then stop practicing. Practice has to be continuous. And when practice is continuous, then all of the events of your life are an aspect of practice. And how do you deal with all those aspects of your life? How do you find that place within yourself that can deal with any situation without being turned around by it?

[20:25]

He says, Nin, or constancy, is the way we cultivate our own spirit. Nin is our way of continuous practice. We should always live in the dark, empty sky. The sky is always the sky. Even though clouds and lightning come, the sky is not disturbed. Even if the flashing of enlightenment comes, our practice forgets all about it. Then it is ready for another enlightenment. It is necessary for us to have enlightenments one after another, if possible, moment after moment. This is what is called enlightenment before you attain it and after you attain it. The sky is always the sky, even though clouds and lightning pass by.

[21:39]

Clouds and lightning are called the scenery of our life. Clouds and lightning are like the events of our life. We identify with the scenery of our life, but it is just the scenery of our life, constantly changing. But the dark sky doesn't change. It's the background on which all the flashings appear. And how do you stay in this place? to practice continuously is to always be in this place, which is called now, which is called here, which is not affected, actually, by events.

[22:58]

even though there is an effect, of course there is an effect, but that place is not washed away. And this is the place that we are in Zazen. And it's not something new or different. It's where we've always been. It's just our true home. with nothing else to rely on, this is the place.

[24:11]

And when you find this place where there's nothing else to rely on, then you realize you can rely on everything. It's a place where you lose everything and gain everything. Suzuki Roshi talks about our practice as being like making bread.

[25:22]

Rather than making something ideal, or trying to strive for some ideal thing, although ideal is important, just as important. So when we strive too much after some ideal, which we can never meet, then we become discouraged. And in our practice, people often feel that we're striving for some perfection. And we can never meet this perfection and we get discouraged and we do something to go away. But it's more like every day you make a loaf of bread. And you're trying to make the same loaf of bread every single day.

[26:28]

And every day the bread turns out a little different. And you have some ideal about how the bread should be. But yesterday's bread is not the same as today's bread. And today's bread is not exactly the same as tomorrow's bread, even though they look the same and kind of taste the same, but each one is different. And today's bread is the bread that we eat today. Tomorrow's bread is the bread that we eat tomorrow. If you say today's bread is not as good as yesterday's bread, so I won't eat today. That's being too idealistic. We have this idea that Zazen is some kind of trying to attain some kind of perfection.

[27:33]

There is an ideal in Zazen, which is to totally be present and to sit in a certain way and to make some good effort. But every Zazen is just what it is. You cannot compare it to yesterday's Zazen or to some other period of Zazen. Otherwise you say, oh, this is a very good one, but yesterday's was not so good. Maybe tomorrow's will be better. This is living in a dream. Today's Zazen is today's Zazen with all of the factors of what it is. Yesterday's Zazen was yesterday's Zazen. You can't say one was better than the next. It's just that this is what we have now.

[28:41]

And this is where we live now. And this is it. Bumps and all. This is called accepting everything as it is. Accepting everything just as it is. appreciating everything just the way it is. You may feel that there are many things about your life that you don't appreciate, and you don't want to appreciate, and you can't appreciate, but you should find something about your life that you do appreciate. For instance, If you just sit down and appreciate your breathing, you can appreciate your life.

[29:48]

No matter where you are, you can appreciate your life. But we get wrapped up in our problems. We get a little too wrapped up in our problems and then we can't really appreciate what's going on fundamentally in our life. So we become driven by circumstances. We become driven by the lightning flashes in the dark sky. We have to take care of things, of course, but we always have to keep coming back to the dark sky, where everything is no discrimination, and not stray from that place.

[31:06]

This is what Suzuki Roshi called Big Mind. We should always be immersed in big mind, not just driven by small mind. So he says, the way to practice is through repetition and constancy, to sit zazen every day and to have continuous practice without any gap. and to really make that sincere effort to do that. Then you have your practice and you have enlightenment within the practice. Then you are turning the practice

[32:11]

You could say the practice turns you and you turn the practice. It's by your, through your effort to turn the practice, the practice meets you. Do you have any questions? Yes? I wanted to hear you talk a little more about the relationship between that inner knowing that, you know, absolutely we can solve our own problems by going deep, and the whole concept of seeking or receiving help.

[33:22]

I'm hearing a dichotomy like, you know, one is good and the other is not good. And yet I know that in my own life, while I've absolutely relied on that inner knowing as the final arbiter, I've also benefited enormously from being helped. And I wouldn't be here if I hadn't at one point, you know, sort of prayed help and, you know, felt that I had an answer. I also have students who, have, I think, a wrong notion of what you were saying, that they shouldn't have to get help, and so they resist being instructed. So I thought maybe you could say a little more about the relationship between help and the self. Yeah. Well, you know, there are times when everyone needs help. There are times when everyone needs help. There are also times when you should be forced to find something without help and without, you know, in practice.

[34:51]

Your teacher is always willing to help you. So it's kind of like with a child, you know. The child, you go to the nursery, you go to the playground with the child, and the child goes and plays. And then every once in a while it says, oh, my mom, and then comes back and checks in. And then, hi, you know, everything's okay. And then the child goes out again and plays. And then he said, oh, my mom, and then runs back. So the mom is always there, you know. Help is always around you, is always there. But to go deep without it, as far as you can go, you should go. And then at some point, you have to come to the critical place where nothing can help, where no one can help you. So this is what I'm talking about. In their practice, there's a critical place that only you can go to, and no one can help you.

[36:07]

And in the end, when you die, you go by yourself, and no one can, you know, people can comfort you and this and that, but it's your trip. going deeply within yourself is the same. It's dying, actually. It's the same process. Okay. My guess is that even when you die, those who have died before you in some way are with you. And I don't mean that in any heaven kind of way.

[37:09]

So let me say it in a different way. When you said that about looking deep and not needing help. I was thinking about Ahatsu and how we talked a lot about her. You actually talked about how people shouldn't sit calm, they should come to the window. And I was thinking of all of us together in our digging deep and yet five inches away is another human being who particularly in the most non-verbal, intuitive ways can inspire one, even by hearing their breath when I was holding their breath. Or even by a bow. In all those ways. I've had some conversations with people about people that I think of myself as not knowing, and yet I know them so intimately by having sat with them.

[38:14]

And it took a long time for me to really In our practice there's an enormous amount of mutual support. That's right, that's very true. Also, when you let go of outside support, the whole universe comes to your rescue. That's what I'm talking about. You have to, this is the trust that you have. This is how you have to be able to trust that the universe is supporting you. This is back to the frog.

[39:15]

The frog has a lot less complicated brain cells. We can only take analogies so far. Well, the question is about, you know, since we only have a problem with desire and grasping because of all this So then teachers often suggest that we could be like a frog or something like that. But we have some problems that frogs don't have. So the question is, is it our nature to desire and grasp? What's the point of talking to me about frogs? Well, the point of talking about frogs is We're not trying to talk about frogs.

[40:20]

We're talking about frogs. We're talking about you. And so we're taking a certain aspect of the frog's nature, which is analogous to your nature. It's not that the frog is different. Frog is, you're the frog. You can be a frog. I use complicated structures of desire. Yes, I know. Desire is very complicated, very complex. But if you have the desire, you can turn desire in many ways. Desire is a strong force, life force. This is the way I often describe desire. is like you have a big boiler and it's got a fire under it and the fire makes steam and the steam keeps building up, building up and then there are these tubes that go out from the boiler and this tube goes out to anger

[41:38]

as a way to relieve the pressure. And this one goes out to lust as a way to relieve the pressure. And this one goes out to food. And this one goes out to entertainment. And this one goes out to whatever. All those ways that we relieve the pressure that's built up called desire. And then they all have, each one of these tubes has a valve on it. And some, you know, some people, the anger valve is real easy to open. And it just comes shooting out, you know. And the lust one, that's easy to open too, you know. So, it depends on where the pressure's built up. The pressure's there. But where are you going to direct it? And when you're used to directing it in a certain way, then that's called habit.

[42:42]

And the habit just keeps building up and getting stronger and stronger. But it doesn't have to go that way. It can be channeled another way. So how are you going to channel your energy? One way to channel your energy is to sit zazen. And that's the most virtuous way. I didn't say it was virtuous. That's the way to contain it. And then you can direct it more easily. That's coming down to settledness. So I want to encourage everyone, not discourage you, but encourage you to practice continuously and let's all support each other to do this together.

[46:47]

have an enlightened practice, have an enlightened life. And if you see your life as practice, then it's kind of like stepping back and not being, you know, it's like stepping back and Not separating, but not being so reactive. Stepping back so that you're not so reactive to whatever comes and you can actually respond from a clear place.

[47:41]

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