You want to put your hands in gusho when you're ready for us to chant hozan. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with. Even in a hundred thousand million kalpas to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Good morning. Good morning. I'm speaking to you from my bedroom and I wanted to catch you up on how I've been doing and what I've been thinking and where you all can direct your thoughts for sustaining the Thanga.

[01:21]

So as you know, In December, I had a major coronary event and was essentially in a coma for a month. The doctors did not expect there to be a good outcome from that. But I came out in better shape than that.

[02:30]

Sort of with full functioning cognition. and clear thinking, but great visible limitations. Not able to stand or walk. And also we, very limited kidney function. And so I had to go pretty quickly into a course of dialysis. And I've been doing that for the last several months, which is an ordeal.

[03:35]

And on top of that, kind of the prospect is that I have, maybe you could call it end state cancer. I haven't really shared all of this widely, but I feel like I want to do this now. So I've been trying to think about how to share with community what my thoughts are.

[04:41]

and what my intentions are. One of the things that the board and I did pretty quickly was to invite Greg and Linda to see if they could spend time with us as visiting teachers. I know them well. I trust them really well. They were very close with Sojin.

[05:44]

And that's been working out pretty well, I think. So I've been thinking about because there is this, there is that. Because there is not this, there's not that. And I had no expectation of this turn of events.

[07:00]

I thought I would have to play out as Abbott. And it turns out that may not be the case. And it may be, it may not be. So I've been thinking about that. You never get quite what you expect in life. And through all of this, I've been turning to my friends, my sangha, my community,

[08:27]

for support and clarity. And that has been incredibly powerful. So going forward, we've consulted with senior students, senior priests, senior people in Suzuki Roshi's lineage.

[09:41]

devise a system for making decisions through developing processes for choosing apps and getting along. I want to particularly thank Steve Weintraub, who's a disciple of Sojourns. And he's been very helpful in being on the elders council at SSCC from the beginning. helping Karen and others create a form that might apply to us.

[10:57]

So what I've decided, well, first of all, the situation is that I really had no idea that this cancer was in place or moving at the surface. And I have taken on a new treatment called which is a hormonal treatment.

[12:09]

And basically it's something that reduces testosterone, it may work and it may not. Nonetheless, the effect of it, you have two injections in the course of a year. And all I can say is after the first injection, which was three, seems to have knocked the crap out of me.

[13:11]

So I feel very weak. And I'm tired a lot. And I'd like to... back to my ordinary activities at BDZ, which means...

[14:32]

Tokusan, et cetera. That may change. And it may not. But the other ailment that I've been thinking to roll back some of my administrative duties is to do some of them.

[15:43]

where it seems possible, but to hand off others to the Tantos and the Enos, who were working very well, and other senior priests. and consult with them. And do what? We had a long conversation with my German students, Ju-Ann and Hansa, who are Juen is an oncologist.

[16:51]

And Nansan is a nephrologist, a kidney specialist. He really kind of held my feet to the fire. to ask what it is I wanted to do. And what I want to do is to spend time with family, spend time with students, spend some time teaching, not waste time.

[18:08]

So I'm thinking about that. As Laurie puts it, it seems like it was come to Jesus' moment. But I'm okay. And finally, the agreement that we have come to with Greg and Linda is that they are willing to stay here in 25.

[19:20]

29? Oh, 26. Still 26. I'm sorry. What are we talking about? They are planning to stay here. Our service. In 25 and 26. And in combination with other senior students. For our practice together. Any combination with me. I feel very good about that.

[20:21]

They have a reserved place at Ensov Village in 26. But they're not committed to move there. They can still be flexible about teaching elsewhere. You get to know them. So maybe I'm gonna stop there.

[21:24]

Anything else, Laura? Did you name the Elder's Council as a thing? Ah. So, named the Elder's Council as the Abbot, as Sojin did. But I want that to be under discretion. before putting it out as given.

[22:39]

But it will consist of senior students, senior priests, senior people inside and outside the Zen Center Suzuki Roshi lineage. But not all inclusive. The senior, the elders council will be a committee of the board. And it will report to the board. And the board will report to the Sangha.

[23:52]

And ultimately, the Sangha will make the decision to choose the subsequent habit. Is that right? So we have a long time to go. So let me stop there and leave time for questions. I think we're gonna try to alternate between the Zendo and online. So please raise your hand if you're in the Zendo and please raise your digital hand if you're online and Mary Beth can call on you. the gallery view or do you like telling me now you can see the room

[25:08]

Hi, Hozan. This is Marley. Thank you so much for sharing what you've been going through and certainly keeping you in my heart. I think the question I have is How can we as a Sangha best support you as we're going through all these changes? Thank you. We'll be here. Thank you. I just wanted to say that we love you and I have so much appreciated your leadership over the last few years and getting to have a taste of your

[27:24]

And I feel some grief that your capacity obviously is less for that. But I also really appreciate how you are leading now and being with us now and being with us and with your family and everybody. And also just want to reiterate that We're here for you to the extent that we possibly can be. Thank you. Thank you so much for the clear explanation. It's really cleared a lot of things up. I also think that you're a great example. And my question is, how was it for you when you came out of the coma?

[28:35]

Like, how did you experience that? Who is speaking? Gary. What? Gary. It's Gary. Gary Artem. Oh, Gary. Yeah. I have no memory. It's like suddenly I woke up with no recollection of having gone anywhere. Thank you.

[29:54]

Thank you. Hello, this is Ross. Hi, Ross. I missed a photo op, which isn't so great for photographers like yourself and myself. Seeing you and seeing the saga on the split screen is a really amazing view for me, and I think for us in the Zendo, and I hope you have the same view and can see us looking at you. In my view also, the picture of Suzuki Roshi and Soji Roshi on the Founder's Altar. And I remember you bringing the photograph of Soji Roshi to my apartment with a big smile on your face, showing me what we will add to the Founder's Altar. It is a perfect compliment to the Founder of a temple.

[30:55]

And I suggested making a diptych for those two guys up there over the screen here. I feel so supported by you and by them all together here. Thank you very much for your teaching. I see myself in you. I wanted to say, don't be shy about reaching out to me. If I can see you, if I have the time and energy, I would really like to do that.

[32:01]

Karen Sondheim has her hand up. Hi, Hozon. I remember long ago asking you what to look for in a teacher because I wasn't sure whether Sojin was my teacher or not. And I wasn't sure how to tell. And you said to me, a teacher is someone you can trust. Or you have to be able to trust. And I've known you for, I think, since you arrived at BCC. And I feel that I know you very well and you know me very well. And.

[33:23]

I just that I have really felt all these years and I continue to feel. Deep trust in you. And we're going through a big process here at BCC. This council and thinking about the future and what your. Choices have been and I just want to say how grateful I am and how much I trust you going forward. So thank you. Again. And thanks for all you do. Hozan Roshi, this is Ben.

[34:27]

Hozan Roshi, what can we rely on? I'm sorry? Hozan, what can we rely on? I think we can rely on the ground we stand on, or we can rely on impermanence. That's what I learned when I woke up. It's like, oh. Nothing is permanent.

[35:43]

I'm curious about not wasting time and how you're discerning what that is, what wasting time is and how how hearing that might help to inspire us with the same project, not wasting time. I'm not sure what wasting time is. Hannah has a question.

[36:57]

Ozan, more of a statement. I appreciate so much how carefully, completely you've talked to us today. Very moved and appreciate so much. Thank you. Thank you. This is Susan. Hi, Susan. I just feel so much this morning, the steadiness of your practice in the manner in which you're talking to us, the slow and deliberate way you're choosing your words. And so I want to say thank you for that. And when I visit you, I always feel that it's bittersweet, but maybe more on the side of sweet.

[37:59]

And at the beginning of your talk, you said you wanted something about how people, you had some thoughts about how people might practice with this situation. And what comes to mind is I experience you as very much alive. you encourage all of us to practice with you being very much alive. Thank you. Let's take care of each other. Let's see ourselves as sangha. We need to do that. Thank you.

[39:10]

That sounds good. And let me just say that goes for senior and junior students. I don't know what a junior student is. But we all have an idea of what a senior student is. We need to get along. Hi, Hozan. I was wondering if you could tell us something that's, if there's anything that's been bringing you joy lately. One thing that

[40:26]

is being lost in my music. That's painful. It's all there in the nerve ending. I wish it weren't missing. But that's it. I enjoy sleeping.

[41:47]

And there'll be one more. We have one in the Zendo and one online. Is that okay, Hozan? Yes. All right. Hello, Hozan. Sam here. Sorry, I haven't been to visit you, but I didn't want to excite you. I wanted to let you rest and sleep, so I'm glad you enjoyed that. And I want to say that, you know, I was gone for a year, and when I came back, you were in a coma in the hospital. So I went as often as I could and chanted with you, and I know you don't remember that, but you did react, so I could see it was getting in. miracle happened, and here you are. Now, this cancer thing, I think the same way. I see you well. I see you back in the Zendo, sitting up. Because another miracle can happen.

[42:58]

And I think it will. That's how I look at it. And thank you, Ozan. I'm glad you're here. I was in the hospital. I was so distressed. Thank you. I didn't want to lose you. Anyway. Love you, sir. And get well, please. Thank you, sir. Yes. Paulo, you can unmute and ask or comment. Thank you for everything. And is there a particular teaching or turning word? that you find yourself. And just wanted to say that. Thank you. I can't think of something in particular right now, but I want to rely

[44:49]

on the Bodhisattva's Four Methods of Giving. Okay, let's go. Beans are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow it. Beings are numberless.

[45:50]

I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma and beliefs are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Beings are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to end them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it.

[46:54]

the mic while you do it. Good morning. Good morning. Welcome to Berkeley Zen Center and a special welcome to anyone who's joining us for the first time and welcome to everyone on Zoom. My name is Hax. On Monday, Preston Evers will be giving a Wayseeking Mind talk at 8 a.m. on Zoom. Next Saturday, Ross Blum will be delivering the Dharma Talk. Our seven-day Rohatsu Sashin will take place Monday, December 2nd through Sunday. During Sashin, the Zendo will be open to Sashin participants only. If you are not in Sashin, you are invited to join us in the online Zendo for the lecture daily at 10.15 and from 9.30 a.m. Zazen on Saturday, December 7th. to consider ways for BCC to address racism.

[48:49]

If you wish to participate, contact Karen Sondheim. Her email is in the links for reoccurring activities. And I'll need two volunteers here in this I know who can have time to stay after to help washing teacups. One more. Thank you. FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR PROGRAMS OR MEMBERSHIP, PLEASE CHECK THE BULLETIN BOARD OUTSIDE, SEE THE ZOOM CHAT OR VISIT OUR . TO MAKE A DONATION TO SUPPORT BCC, YOU CAN USE THE DONATION BOX ALSO ON THE BULLETIN BOARD TABLE IN THE COURTYARD OR YOU CAN VISIT OUR WEBSITE AND CLICK THE GENEROSITY TAB. THOSE IN THE ZENDO, PLEASE MAINTAIN SILENCE WHILE Once you're off the Zendo steps, feel free to socialize. I believe the tea table set up on the community room porch.

[49:52]

And for those online, feel free. Oh, yeah, there's a huge puddle outside, so you can go ahead and go down the ramp as you leave. Thank you, Blake. And those online, feel free to unmute and share reading. Good morning, everyone. Hello. Good morning. Good morning, Sangha. Good morning, everyone. See you later. Bye. Take care. Take good care. Have a good day. Good morning, everybody. I'm going to stay on and ask again, sauna technical.

[51:45]

You might want to get off. Okay. Bye, Ron. Nice to see you. And you too, Mary Beth. Hello. How's it going? Good. So when you got on, did you have a thing that just said in already and then switch? Because when I press switch, it cut them out and I couldn't find another way to get in. No, I haven't seen that. What ended up happening for me was I was already logged in when I joined today.

[52:46]

Well, I didn't I didn't log into anything today, so either I was already logged in or I'm not currently logged in. But I think I must be because it offered me to co-host. Yes. So you must not have signed out. Yeah, that's possible last time. But the the switch button is news to me. I haven't seen that before. Yeah, I hadn't seen it either. And I think others have used it because I think Karen Sondheim, when she came in on Monday morning, she cut off the service because she came in early. Oh, I see. We all stayed with her, but the Zendo was cut off. And I think that happened another time. Okay. Something is happening. Yeah. It's different. I don't know if it does.

[53:49]

I don't know. Yeah. I'd have to see what you're talking about. Let me, I'm going to try signing out and signing back in and I'll see what it does to, to ask whether or not I want to switch. Okay. I'll be right back. Okay. I have a button at the top of my screen that says stay co-host or reclaim host, but I didn't get a switch when I tried to join.

[55:21]

Log back in. Okay. Is there any other button other than switch? Maybe I should log out and see. What there was was there was the, you could go to, it had the, it had, you know, I could go to the place where I could join schedule or whatever, but I couldn't find the place where it was the different meetings that you could click on. I don't know if I lost the ability to do that. It would take me, sometime to go back in and try and find that. Or maybe I could do that on my iPad. Could be. That might work. Let me try that. Okay. Okay.

[56:41]

Let's zoom. It's always different on my iPad, too, when I get it. Yep. So... It may not be the same. Okay, so it has switch over on the sign and it says you're the one hosting the meeting. Can you hold it up to the screen?

[57:49]

Okay, so you're on that screen. Okay, cool. And it gives you the ability to say switch. There's a button that says switch. What happens if you just click on the name of the meeting instead of the switch button? Well, the name of the meeting isn't... You mean right above it? Yeah, like... It doesn't allow me to click on that. So nothing that is clickable except for the switch button? Now I... Let me see. You know, for meetings, it doesn't have, you know, like... There should be the list of those meetings, right? Somewhere. There used to be a list of scheduled meetings. Okay. I think maybe the thing is we need to tell all of the online people not to hit switch.

[58:54]

Okay. Because that will cut it off. How did you hit meetings and you could get in? I just now on this, which I could not find when I went. online and what happens if you try joining it oh it should just it says start recording in progress it just joined you in well i'm gonna leave leave

[59:36]

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