I am not to taste the truth A couple of months ago I talked about 18 points about what practice is, which appeared in Joko Beck's newsletter. And she didn't make these up. I have 18 points that actually any Zen student who has been practicing for any length of time knows very well.

[01:11]

And some of these, I talked about some of these points, I don't remember how long ago, a month ago, two months ago. So today, I want to continue talking about some of these points, because I think they're very pertinent. And it's something that we should all be focused on. A lot of these points overlap, actually. And so they're not 18, but probably well, but they're all related to each other and some of them are really the same point. But I can't remember where I left off last time, so I'm going to start at the beginning again.

[02:23]

What I call them is 18 points of not picking and choosing. 18 ways of not picking and choosing. Or the heading here is what practice is. So they're not definitions of practice. but they point to what practice is. 18 pointers toward practice or practice. So I'll just go through them first because that's interesting. Practice is about experiencing the truth of who we really are. Practice is about being with our life as it is, not simply as we would like it to be.

[03:41]

Practice is about the clash between what we want and what is. Practice is about the transformation of our unnecessary suffering. Practice is about attending to, experiencing wherever we are stuck, wherever we're holding, whatever blocks us from our true nature. Practice is about turning away from constantly seeking comfort and from trying to avoid pain. Practice ultimately deals with just one thing, the fear at the base of human existence, the fear that I am not. Practice is about willingly residing in whatever life presents to us. Practice is about seeing through our belief systems, so even if they remain, they no longer run us. Practice is about turning from a self-centered view to a life-centered view.

[04:51]

Practice is about learning to be no one, not giving solidity to any belief system, just being. Practice is about learning to be happy, but we will never be happy until we truly experience our unhappiness. Practice is about slowly increasing our awareness of who we are and how we relate to life. Practice is about moving from a life of drama to a life of no drama. Practice is always about returning to the true self. Practice is about finally understanding the paradox that although everything is a mess, all is well. Practice is about learning to say yes to everything, even when we hate it. Practice always comes back to just the willingness to be. So some of these points make us feel.

[05:57]

happy and some of them make us feel defensive. Practice makes us feel defensive. So the great question in practice is, what is there to defend? That's number 19. So practice, to come back to number one, practice is about experiencing the truth of who we really are, which is the same as practice is about slowly increasing our awareness of who we are and how we relate to life. Mostly, if we think about

[06:59]

who we are, we try to define who we are. People mostly try to define themselves, and we define ourselves through our personality. But Buddhism, in Buddhism, in order to find ourselves, we Let go of definitions. We say, I am not the form, I am not the feelings, I am not the perceptions, I am not the mental formations, and I am not consciousness. What am I? So, This is the analytical approach. There's the analytical approach and the synthetical approach.

[08:07]

The analytical approach to Buddhism is to take everything apart, take the whole machine apart, nuts and bolts, and you see that there's nothing there. And this is Nagasena, you know, it's the story of the Nagasena was a monk in India, and King Malinda was a monarch. I don't know exactly what time it was, but it was a long, long time ago. And King Malinda kept asking the monk Nagasena various questions about Buddhism. And then Nagasena would politely answer his questions. And so there's a book called The Questions of King Melinda, which is the dialogue between Nagasena and King Melinda.

[09:11]

And King Melinda says, well, how can you talk about there being no self to this self, to this person? And Nagasena uses the analogy of the chariot. He says, here is this chariot. And then he takes the chariot apart, piece by piece, wheels, yoke, body, springs, and so forth. He says, is this the chariot? Is this the chariot? Is this the chariot? He says, no, no, no, no. Finally, they get to where there's no chariot. Then he says, well, But Nagasena says, and likewise, everything is like this. There's nothing at the center of things.

[10:17]

And the king asks, well, how can you talk about rebirth when there's nothing to be reborn? And Nagasena says, well, if you take a candle with a light and you light the next candle with this candle, is it the same light or a different light? And the king says, well, it's not the same, but it's not different. And Nagarjuna said, likewise. So Buddhism has this kind of investigation and tries very hard not to define things according to opinions, but to thoroughly investigate.

[11:27]

And this is analytical method of Buddhism to take everything apart to find out what really makes it tick, what's really the basis. And then the synthetic side of Buddhism is everything is myself. That's synthesis. So the Abhidhamma, the Abhidhammas use this analytical approach And the Zen people use the synthetical approach. Rather than taking everything apart to find out how it works, we say, everything is myself, which is the conclusion of the analytical part. So practice is about experiencing the truth of who we really are, not just knowing in our head

[12:32]

but really experiencing, who am I? Even though there is no inherent self, we're all sitting here. And we all feel like individuals. Who is this? So this is a good question. It's a good expression for the first point. Because all the rest of these points are about this first point.

[13:41]

Who is this? So the second one is, practice is about being with our life as it is. Not as we would like it to be. I added the simply. Not simply as we would like it to be. It is as we would like it to be, but not totally. Sometimes it's the way we like it to be, but not totally. But it's about being with our life just as it is. Remember, Suzuki Roshi liked to say, Zen practice is living your life little by little. Just living your life little by little, one moment at a time. And the third one is practice is about the clash between what we want and what is.

[14:45]

So these two points really are the same point. The ideal and the actual. We have an idea about how we would like things to be. And we strive for our ideal. things are actually the way they are. And often we're so bound up with making life into what we think it should be that we have a hard time seeing the way it is or accepting the way it is. And then we run into this problem that our ideal doesn't match the real. And then we become very disappointed, very disappointed with life because it's not matching our idea of what we think it should be.

[15:47]

So practice is actually to be able to be with our life the way it actually is. And contentment, you know, we want to be content or we want to be happy. And we need certain things in order to do that. We keep upping the ante about what it is that will make us happy. And the more we up the ante about what it is that will make us happy, the unhappier we get, actually. More and more things. More and more conveniences. Technology has made our life much more convenient and also much more troublesome. Much more troublesome.

[16:52]

The pace of life has sped up to the point where we can hardly keep up with our life. And then we keep adding more things. Very difficult. hard to just live a simple life and appreciating our life moment by moment. So I think that Zen, actually, or Buddhist practice, our practice, is to be able to appreciate our life moment by moment, no matter what is happening. But it's hard to do because of our expectations. And Zazen practice is the same. Zazen practice is to just appreciate whatever is happening, moment by moment. But the problems we encounter are that we would like something nice to happen.

[18:00]

We would. When we haven't done meditation practice, we think meditation practice is something wonderful. And even after we enter into practice, we still have that expectation. Even after we experience how terrible it is. And it's actually the root of all of our problems. It's our expectation. Sometimes people ask me, if this is my first sasheen, how should I prepare for this sasheen? The best way is to just not think about it at all.

[19:17]

Then you don't have any expectations. Nothing to be disappointed about. If you have some expectations, you will be disappointed. So, Zazen is about killing your expectations. And, you know, we always want that good thing. No matter how long we've been practicing, it still seduces us. It's hard to appreciate everything that happens and just accept everything that happens as it happens. The hardest thing. But that's enlightened practice. We say we want enlightenment, but when they send it to us, we don't like it.

[20:21]

It's hard to accept it. So, the ideal and the actual We should have some ideal in our life, but we have to know when to let go of the ideal and just accept the way things are. Otherwise, we're always frustrated because things do not turn out the way we want them to. They don't, for a little while. So, we have to have our ideal, but we also have to always accept just the way things are. Otherwise we waste our time worrying about how things will be.

[21:37]

Idealism has its place, but The person who is free, actually, is the one who is always able to be right here on this moment with what's happening. I remember Suzuki Hiroshi saying, You should be careful not to sacrifice this moment for some other moment. Meaning, not paying attention to this time as the only real time and thinking always about the future. Sacrificing this moment for some future moment.

[22:43]

If we can really take care of this moment, the next moment will take care of itself. But we think we have to do something to take care of the next moment. This causes great anxiety. There are people who are always in a state of anxiety because they're always worried about the next moment. or some future time, which is just a fantasy. We fool ourselves easily. And then the fourth one is, practice is about the transformation of our unnecessary suffering.

[23:46]

How much of our suffering is really necessary? There is necessary suffering and unnecessary suffering. Necessary... To say, you know, life is suffering is one thing. And the cause of suffering is desire or delusions. And there are things that happen to us which causes lots of suffering. But then there's suffering over and above suffering. Suffering which is, we bring about through attachment to too much desire. Buddha says our suffering comes from not having what we want and being burdened with what we don't want. These are the two main causes of suffering.

[24:51]

And here in applying this to Sachine, we want something pleasant and we don't want something unpleasant. And so we get caught. And the more we want, something pleasant, the more suffering we have. And the more we don't want the feeling that we have, the more suffering we have. So unnecessary suffering comes from grasping that which is not graspable and pushing away that which is not defensible.

[25:56]

So, one has to become transparent in a sense of letting everything pass through. This is how we know who we are. Right at this point, we know who we are. And when we can just let go of our notion of who we are, our notion of who we are means our limitation. The notion of who we are is a limitation. I can't stand this. That's our notion of who I am. I can't stand this. But that's not who you are. You can let go of that. You can just be more open. The more open you are, the more you are you. The more defined you are, the less you are you.

[27:04]

It's just the opposite of our usual way of thinking. So, in our position right now, sitting Zazen. The only way we can do this is to be more and more open, continually being open, open, and open, and open, until there's no defined you. Pleasure and pain are not two different things. Within pain there is pleasure, and within pleasure there is pain. This is the practice aspect of non-duality.

[28:13]

Within pleasure there is pain, and within pain there is pleasure. So, you should just let whatever is there be there. It's not easy, because of our definition of who we are. As long as you say, this is mine, you have a definition of who you are. So this feeling, it's just this feeling. I don't know whether it's pleasure or pain. I don't know whether it's desirable or undesirable. I don't know whether I like it or don't like it. I don't know whether I want it or don't want it. Doesn't make any difference.

[29:16]

It's all the same. Just take a deep breath. This is called the practice of transforming our unnecessary suffering. And the fifth one is, practice is about attending to, experiencing, wherever we are stuck, wherever we are holding, whatever blocks us from our true nature. That thing which blocks us from our true nature is, we call it the ego, the false eye which stands in front of our view.

[30:23]

And it's this false I, it's this ego, which brings us to practice. Because when we first come to practice, we want something. And the ego wants something out of practice. But what the ego doesn't realize is that it's leading itself to its own demise. And then when it begins to see that, or experience that, then it has some resistance. So there's a point in practice where we have resistance builds up big. Wait a minute, this isn't what I thought was going to happen. But it has to go through anyway. So it takes courage, you know, where the ego to lead itself to the slaughter.

[31:30]

And if you think about your life, what's happening in your life? We say, well, I was born, and I grew up, and now I'm such and such. And you're leading your life to its end. It's inevitable. And in the same way, ego is leading its life to its end. So it must have some courage. But we have resistance. In the same way, it's quite parallel, the life of the ego and the life, it's all the life of the ego anyway. So, to let go and continue. So we have to experience, you know, when we get stuck, we have to know that I'm stuck and not blame it on others. Very important point.

[32:36]

Not blame your stuckness on others, but realize where you're stuck, where you're holding onto something. Not project it on others. So It's very important for us to always look at what our own faults are. One of the precepts is no fault finding. And the sixth patriarch in his poem says, when you blame others, you yourself are in the wrong. When you find fault with others, you yourself are at fault. even when they are at fault. So we unstick ourselves by always looking to our own way of doing things. It doesn't matter so much.

[33:41]

We want justice. We really want justice. But what really matters is how we deal with ourselves. How we deal with ourselves. In this human drama, it's not about what we get out of this world. It's how we conduct ourselves and how we adhere or live out a noble life. Because no matter what, everybody's born into a different circumstance. And we think, well, if we were only in this circumstance, everything would be okay. If I wasn't so poor, everything would be okay.

[34:41]

If I wasn't this and that, that's not what it's about. It's about, in our position, how do we become the best that we can do? How can we do the best that we can do, given our position in this world? Not if I was in so-and-so's shoes, but in my shoes. So, all this blocks us from our true nature. This kind of thinking. If only if only, is the great evasion. So practice, the sixth one is about practice is about turning away from constantly seeking comfort.

[35:53]

and from trying to avoid pain. The more we try to avoid pain, the more pain we create. It's inevitable that when we try to avoid pain, we just keep creating more pain. I hear people sometimes say, well, I have a low tolerance for pain. But that's just an excuse. We all have a low tolerance for pain until there's nothing we can do about it. And there is nothing we can do about it. Life is painful. It's just a fact of life. And it's painful.

[36:55]

And it's also pleasurable. So we should be careful not to avoid pleasure. Don't avoid pleasure. And don't avoid pain. Either one is an avoidance. So, you know, you don't want to get stuck in pain and you don't want to get stuck in pleasure. You don't want to get stuck anywhere. Getting stuck is the problem. When we have pain, we should be able to appreciate the painful aspect of life. All the poetry, music, art comes out of pain. And it also comes out of pleasure.

[37:57]

But there's pleasure in pain, there's pain in pleasure. It's a mixed bag. Pleasure is pain, and pain is pleasure. And pain is pain, and pleasure is pleasure. To just be with everything as it is. So as we sit today, whatever feeling comes up, Just be with that feeling. Don't try to cultivate it and don't try to avoid it. Just be with whatever state of mind arises. There is no special state of mind to cultivate. There is no special feeling to desire. Just put your effort into your posture. Follow the breath.

[39:04]

And open up to whatever feeling there is. Breathing. And to whatever feeling is present. And don't say, this is my feeling. These are my thoughts. Just leave yourself out of it. Don't get mixed up in it. Don't interfere. We're always interfering. I like this, I don't like that. We have all these opinions. And wishes. I wish I was someplace else. When it was good, I was glad I was here, Now that it's not so good, I wish I was someplace else. This is called the cause of suffering. Right there is the cause of suffering. I wish I was someplace else, or I wish I had something else.

[40:10]

Very simple. So these points we should be careful of. Very simple, but very difficult. So we have to keep dealing with it over and over again. Enlightenment is within the practice. You'll always be very disappointed if you want to get something called enlightenment. It's outside of your practice. Or if you think that it's something that you can take and put it in your pocket and walk away with, just stop discriminating. You want enlightenment? Just stop discriminating. Well, when I sit zazen during sashi, my legs hurt too.

[42:05]

I just want to let you know that. Sometimes people say, gee, you know, you look like you're sitting there without anything happening, you know. Not so. We're all feeling the same. We all have the same problem. All feeling the same things. Some more or less than others. Our attitude is the most important thing. So let's not forget our practice. Let's not forget our points of practice.

[43:10]

We always have to keep returning to these points of practice. And as soon as you have a problem or get into trouble, remember what it is that's causing the problem. Jesus, our Lord and Master.

[43:35]

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