I vow to taste the truth of love. So often, especially in doing Sashim, the question comes up for us, why do I do this? And we have various reasons and notions about what we're doing and why we're doing it.

[01:15]

And often we view the whole thing from a materialistic point of view. So when we view Zazen from a materialistic point of view, the question that arises is, what do I get out of this? What's the benefit of Zazen? So, when we think about the benefit of Zazen, we think about what do I get? I think if you look at aerobic exercise, if you think about what you get, when you get healthy, but you lose weight.

[02:19]

So actually, when you do, you're losing something. You're losing anything physically extra. It's pretty nice. If you look at Zazen, what do I get on Zazen? If you look at it from a materialistic point of view, what do I get? You'd be very disappointed. Because Zazen is to lose weight. If you lose Zazen, to lose weight. But it's not physical weight. ego weight, the weight of our ego. That's why when we finish Sajid, we always feel much lighter, even though we had a difficult time. The secret of Zazen, the secret of being successful in Zazen is that

[03:32]

Zazen is the opportunity to give yourself away. It's the goose popping out of the bottle. It's the way to let the goose out of the bottle. If you do Zazen half-heartedly, then what you get is half a heart. If you do Zazen wholeheartedly, then you have your whole heart. So you don't end up with something extra, but you end up with yourself.

[04:37]

by giving away yourself. If you hang on to anything, then that's what you end up with. So if you have entered Zazen or Sashin with some expectation, then expectation It's a hindrance, because it's what you end up with. If you have an expectation, then what you end up with is your expectation. So, Zazen and Sashin is just the place where you can completely give yourself away. That's all. It's like you become an offering.

[05:44]

This is how we offer ourselves to what we can't name, what we can't conceive. So even holding back a little bit becomes a problem. This is the difficult part of sitting, because it's so hard to give up everything and get away We offer our intentions, we offer our posture, our body, we offer our mind, and we offer our ego.

[06:57]

Our ego becomes an offering. What else is there to do with it? Yesterday, And in the case that I read yesterday, Nansen's Flower, Nansen's Peony, there was a story, a little aside story about the governor and Nansen. And the governor had given As you remember, Nansen used this koan when they first met. And he said to Nansen, a long time ago, I put a little goose, a little gosling, into a bottle.

[08:06]

And now it's grown up so big that it can't get out of the bottle. How am I going to get it out? without breaking the bottle or breaking the goose. One cent said, sir? And the other said, yes. One cent said, the goose is out. So I want to, yesterday, Charlie reminded me of a nice complimentary poem from the Lumen Kong, which everybody knows. This is case 12 in Lumen Kong, called Zui Gun Calls Master.

[09:14]

Zui Gan's Chinese name is Zui Jian. Zui Yan. And of course, there's no introduction in case, in Roman Khan, cases just start out without an introduction. The priest, Zui Gan, called Master to himself every day and answered himself, yes, yes, or hi, to say it definitely. Then he would say, be aware. And then he would reply, OK, or yes. Don't be deceived by others. No, no. So he would talk to himself. tell himself something, and then he would answer himself.

[10:18]

This was his way of practicing. And not just by himself, but wherever he was. So everybody knew what he... all of his students knew what he was doing. He'd say, he'd call, Master. And he would answer, Then he would say, be aware. And he said, yes. And then he would say, don't be deceived by others. He said, no, don't worry. And then Amuman has a comment. He says, old Zuigan buys himself and sells himself. That's referring to asking and answering. He brings forth lots of angel faces and demon masks and plays with them. Why?

[11:24]

Look, one kind calls, one kind answers. One kind is aware. One kind will not be deceived by others. If you still cling to understanding, or if you still cling to any of these, actually, most of the commentators say, translators say, if you stick to any of these forms, you're in trouble. If you try to imitate Zuigan, your discernment is altogether kind of a fox. So in the verse, it says, students of the way do not know the truth. They only know their own consciousness up to now, or they only know what they are conscious of. up to now, that this is the source of endless birth and death. The fool calls it original self.

[12:28]

The priest, Zuligan, called Master. Who is the master? This is also a koan. Very popular koan. Someone may give you some time. Who is the master? Zui Gon calls master. Master. When Zui Gon calls master, this is like when you sit in Zazen, You offer yourself to this master, this universal master. Master has no... it's just a word. You can say original face. You can say I am. This is like...

[13:44]

In the Bible, I believe, God calls to Adam and says, where are you? And Adam says, here I am. You can call it Dharmakaya. or true, Rinzai called it, true man of no rank. That's very good, I like that. True person of no particular rank. No inherent place. particular form.

[14:57]

So, Zui Gan is taking the place of both sides. When he says, Master, he's actually, that's one side of Zui Gan. when he says, yes, that's also one side of Zuigan, but both master and yes are the heaven and earth of Zuigan. When we sit Zazen, this is exactly what we're doing.

[16:11]

We're called master and we're responding. Yes. This yes is the ego. It's the way to get the ego out of the ball. All our lives we spend creating this goose that's finally filled the bottle. Without breaking the bottle, without hurting the goose, how do you get it out? Simply say, yes. This yes means body and mind dropped off. It means completely offering.

[17:23]

That's why it's so hard to do Zazen. It's hard to do something that completely Because it hurts. In many ways. So, then, Zilligan says, to himself, be aware. And then he says, yes, be aware also means be mindful. But this kind of awareness actually means that samadhi

[18:32]

And samadhi means completely one with, no separation. So when he says to himself, be aware, he means don't be separate. from whatever you're doing. This is a ji-ju-yu-samadhi. Ji-ju-yu-samadhi is self-joyous samadhi. So this be aware means also has to or Zui Gon's activity, is not just investigating or just being careful with himself.

[19:50]

It's also joyful life. Ji-Ji-Yu Samadhi, Samadhi or Samadhi is the joy of being one with life. We're always looking for how to enjoy our life. This is what people do. How do I enjoy my life? We enjoy our life by completely being one with our life. By not holding back. But because life is difficult, we get hurt. We hold back. When we come up against difficulty, it's easy to be frightened, or timid, or... not... we don't allow ourself to be completely free.

[21:02]

How do we find our freedom? Freedom is simply the ability to let go of everything. Who binds us? So, if we want to experience the fullness of Zazen, we have to give ourself fully. It's all very simple. If we want to have complete freedom, then we have to pay the price. Actually, if we look at our lives, and we see the way we do things often, We want something, but we don't want to pay the price. But we have to pay for what we get.

[22:06]

Otherwise, sometimes, you know, if we say, what do I get from Zazen? It's kind of like we're going to take money from the bank, but we don't have enough in the account. We get what we're supposed to get, but you can't know what that is. You can't say what you're supposed to get. I deserve this. We don't know what we deserve. What we deserve is handed out to us as dessert. We can't read the menu, so we have to take what we get. But when we completely give ourselves, we realize that what we get is what we give. That's all there is to it.

[23:07]

There's no get other than give. It's all the same. This is the non-duality of generosity. But actually, when we can give in that way, we don't want anything else. Anything else is a burden. the most extreme restriction that you can impose on yourself. And within that extreme restriction is where you find the extreme freedom.

[24:16]

Strange as it seems. Sit very still. Don't move. Be as still as you can. And within that stillness comes the greatest freedom. Yes, you do it. You're not trying to pull out at the same time you're pulling in. This is what causes us most of our problems in Zazen. Most of the problems in Zazen with our body and our mind are caused by going in and at the same time wanting to pull out. And then we have a problem. So, most of the problems, I believe, in my opinion, is most of the problems that we have in Zazen are caused by our wanting to

[25:30]

pull out at the same time that we're all trying to pull in. And it causes a kind of wrenching. If we're just completely in, even though, you know, pain, problem, you won't be hurt. Because it's all going one way. So, then Zudagon says, don't be deceived by others. Others means, not other people, but by the doubts in your mind. Don't be deceived by the doubts in your mind, by those voices.

[26:40]

Of course, if you go the wrong way, you should listen to the voice that tells you you're going the wrong way. Don't be deceived. Deceived also means, can mean, don't be made a fool of. That's another way to say that. Don't be made a fool of by others. Don't be foolish. Don't be deceived by delusions. So he says in the comment, Zui Gan buys himself and sells himself.

[27:56]

This is his way of saying it. He asks himself a question and he answers it. He brings forth lots of angel faces and demon masks and plays with them. These are the questions. Why? Why? Well, look. One kind calls. One kind answers. One kind is aware. One kind will not be deceived by others. If you cling to any of these masks, these are masks. He's putting on one mask and saying, is it going on? Then he puts on another mask and says, yes. So there's a little play he's putting on. This is the way that Mulan is describing it. If you cling to any of these, you'll be in trouble. If you cling to any aspect of yourself as, this is me.

[28:58]

At the moment, this is me. But next moment, this is me. Next moment, this is me. Is this the same me or a different me? And then he says, if you try to imitate Zui Gon, your discernment is altogether that of a fox. So he's saying, don't imitate Zui Gon. Zui Gon is Zui Gon. You have to find your own way. But you can follow Zui Gon's spirit, his example, but not Zui Gon's actions. Don't imitate Zuhiqqan, but be your own Zuhiqqan.

[30:04]

Be your own self. Be your own master, or mistress, or however you want to say it. How do you do that? He says, in the verse, which is not his own verse, he's quoting somebody else, he says, students of the Way do not know truth. They only know what their consciousness, they only know their consciousness up to now. Which seems to me, they only know what their conscious mind knows. They don't know beyond that. They only know what they know, but they don't know what they don't know. or they don't know knowing, which is not the same as knowing things.

[31:08]

True knowing. It's a kind of criticism of knowing what ego knows. When ego is no longer dominant, And knowing appears. The knowing of not knowing. Bodhidharma's not knowing. Members of, well, who is this? Bodhidharma said, not knowing. No knowing. Don't know. But Bodhidharma's don't know. It's not the same as ordinary, don't know. The mind is wide open. And this consciousness is what he says, they only know what they are conscious of.

[32:27]

This is the source of endless birth and death. The fool calls it the original self, calls it it. Meaning the fool calls ego the original self. The fool mistakes ego for true nature. It not only relies on our egotistical understanding Egotistical understanding is like our crutch, our cane, or something that we cling to in this world because it looks like something. It's like a closed staircase. I don't know if I'm allowed to cling to something because we're afraid. So we create this structure that we cling to.

[33:29]

Staircase. But it doesn't mean anything. It's not real. So they let me offer up the structure of where I can go. Through Zazen. Zazen, as an offering. Everything goes. When he sits us in, and you feel, this is my offering, my complete offering, then you sit up straight, and do everything you're supposed to do, and everything is an offering. This is the same as when we bow. It's not just bowing, it's just an offering. It's just a tremendous act. People say, what do we bow to? Well, it's the same thing that we offer ourselves to when we say Zazen.

[34:51]

You can't name it. Sometimes we call it myself. Zazen is not something we do for ourselves. This is the hardest thing for many people to understand. Zazen is not something we do for ourselves, although ourselves is included. We say, my zazen, but it's not correct. It's just so simple. But we can't help thinking this way. It's not as if it's a response to the universe.

[36:12]

So, we don't have to sit to desire things. How do we see a flower in reality? We have to see the flower as our own mind. That means seeing it with no boundaries. With no particular idea. Just pure seeing. Pure being. This is why Zazen is called Unconditioned Pure seeing is unconditioned activity.

[37:18]

Seeing a flower as it is is unconditioned activity. Whether sitting in this position or on a walking stand. Just being one with our activity is our offering. Anyway, this is religious practice. It's nothing special. It's just moment by moment, everyday activity. Because we stand in our own way.

[38:29]

If we can just get out of the way, it's easier. That's what Satsang is anyway, just getting out of the way. I'm letting the goose out of the ball. I haven't left as much time for discussion. Sorry about that. When I mentioned the case to you, I recall that this week I also asked him, so are you awake?

[40:01]

And then he says, yes, thoroughly awake, but that wasn't that didn't appear in that particular version. Or maybe it did and I didn't read it. But that's also part of the case. That was the actual cause of the... What more can I say? That's the one who never sleeps. Enough with this.

[41:04]

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