I bow to Jesus, because I love his darkest words. Good morning. Good morning. I appreciate your coming out this morning, the hearty ones up here. It's pretty cold for Berkeley. Last week I was at Tassajara, and we were supposed to leave on the 21st, but we left on the 20th because we were getting snowed in. We didn't want to get stuck because on the hill, it's 5,000 feet, and then you descend down into the valley, which is, I can't remember, 500 feet. You know that there's a lot of snow up on the hill.

[01:08]

So, on the morning of the 20th, we were eating breakfast in the Zindo, and then when I got up to do service, I looked out the doors, which were open, and the whole place was white. It was quite beautiful. If you've ever been to Tassajar in the summer, you know that it's quite different to see it all covered in snow. One year we were stuck snowing in the Tazahara, actually several times. But this was 1969 and we didn't know much, we didn't have much experience of Tazahara. So we had rice berries, I mean wheat berries and brown rice And so we'd go out and forage in the flats for miners' lettuce and lambs' ears and winter vegetables.

[02:13]

We learned a lot, actually. Wild vegetables are quite good for you. They're not domesticated, so they have a lot of virility. And they're very good. We used to make wonderful salads out of them. I think we've lost the touch, so. But anyway, it's nice to be able to be here and appreciate the cold. You know, at Tassajara, it's very cold in the winter, and you get up in the morning and go to the Zindabad, it's like this. like it was this morning. And when you're cold, you want it to be warm. And when it's warm or hot, you want it to be cold. So it's really hard to be satisfied, you know, with what we have.

[03:19]

So at some point, you just kind of have to allow yourself to enjoy the cold. When I was young, I hated the cold, because I came from Southern California, where it was hot, and I'd spend all my time on the beach, soaking in the rays of the sun. So when it started to get cold, up north, I didn't like it. Then when I started to practice Zen, I still didn't like it. And then when I went to Tassajara, I still didn't like it. But at some point, everything just changed. And I began to enjoy it. And I still enjoy it. I don't necessarily like it, but I enjoy it. Your feet start to ache.

[04:22]

Your thumbs start to ache. But there's still some kind of wonderful enjoyment about the cold. So if you can enjoy it, you'll be much happier. Well, this is the last talk of the year here. And so I'm thinking about what our year has been and what the next year might bring. And this year has been fairly easy, but next year, I think we enter the next year with a lot of apprehension. There's a lot of apprehension in the air. And we don't know what will happen. There's catastrophe waiting in the wings.

[05:28]

And it's just kind of sitting there, ready to fall off, like Humpty Dumpty, ready to fall off the wall, but still sitting there. And we don't know what will happen. And we feel a little bit helpless about what may happen in this next year. And when we come to the end of the year, it's always a feeling of, you know, the end of the year is winter and cold and you don't see much growth. It's not a time of like spring where things are, life is bursting out, but life is kind of dormant.

[06:30]

and still, and cold, but it's full of potential. The Japanese always like to say they see the tips of the green grass or buds showing through the snow. It's kind of time of watching and waiting and patience and stillness and Christmas. Christmas is in the air and a lot of good cheer and When I think about Christmas, I think about all of the good things and the bad things about Christianity.

[07:37]

The good and the bad, or the mediocre and the wonderful. So I think it's very helpful for us to have Christmas and to try to see into the heart of Christmas and not be caught by the mediocre and not just feel that because there's so much mediocrity around that that's what Christmas is about. So Christmas is about sharing and generosity and love and all the highest qualities. And if we experience it in that way, we don't have to be brought down by all the rest. So I feel it's important for us to uphold and promote this kind of holiday.

[08:47]

Some of us may feel that we're Buddhists, some of us may not. I don't think we should be stuck with some idea of Buddhist as opposed to some other way or religious way of doing things or saying things. So I feel it's important to get with the spirit of Christmas and promote it. I feel the same way about most religions, that we should find the essence of each one, what's really valuable, and help to promote that. Otherwise, religion is always bickering and making a standoff and taking a certain position

[09:56]

A religion can either bring the world together or keep it at odds. This is the function of religion. I don't say this is the function. This is one function of religion. It is to help bring the world together in harmony. It should be. I say it should be. You have to forgive me for that. It's an opinion. true religion should help to bring the world together in harmony. But religion is so easy to pervert that it usually has the opposite effect at the same time of separating and standing off. So if you think you're a Buddhist, it's okay. But if you cling to that idea, then you're just continuing to polarize yourself with other forms.

[11:07]

We may or may not believe that other forms have the right way, but each religion has some form of the right way, maybe not complete, some incomplete form of the right way. Even Buddhism I may have some incomplete form of the right way. So even though we may be Buddhist, we have to be able to go beyond Buddhism and not get hung up or stuck with some idea of Buddhism. On the other hand, what is Buddhism? It's a good question. Buddhism may or may not be a religious practice. It may be religion before religion, some fundamental truth before religion.

[12:12]

So Zen is, you can say, maybe religion before religion. fundamental religion which has no special form or shape. But in order to practice it, we give it some shape and some form. But we should understand that the shape and the form is not fixed. So when some truth appears, which contradicts a truth of Buddhism, we should be prepared to change or see that. Otherwise, we just get stuck in our opinions or our dogma or hang on to some untruth and try to defend it.

[13:21]

And most of the religious problems in the world come from trying to defend some truth which is no longer true. If you realize, most conflict happens when we hang up, when we try to defend something which shouldn't be defended. or we take offense at something and use it as an excuse for violence. So in Christmas, to look into the heart of what Christmas is or what it is to be Christian, actually, and try to appreciate that.

[14:32]

Even, you know, atheism. Atheism is not an ism, actually. as if it was a religion. But in some sense, it's true. Atheism, as an ism, is a kind of religion. And we should appreciate atheism because atheism is a kind of seeking for the truth without any dogma, although it itself can become dogmatic. But at the core, atheism, or to be atheistic, has some truth to it. I think most atheists, well, either they don't want to believe something that they don't believe, which is very good, or instead of just accepting something, they want to continue to investigate.

[15:45]

And so agnostic is kind of like atheist, but kind of in between. It's like undecided, you know, or neither here nor there, which is also OK. So some of the biggest battles, you know, polarities are between the fundamentalist religious and the atheists. And they're just two sides of the same thing, to be atheist have some fundamental religious belief. Those two are just polarities of each other. And when they meet, they really love each other. But unfortunately, they can't include each other. When they meet, they'll find that they're the same person. So, each way has some truth to it, but that truth is not complete.

[16:58]

In Buddhism, or in Zen, we like to feel that our truth is complete. But it's okay, because we realize that it's always changing. It's not fixed. Our truth is not something that's fixed. So for a Buddhist or for a Zen student, even though we have some fundamental premises on which to talk about Buddhism, we should be very careful that we don't get caught by these ideas. So we have Buddhism, we have all of the ideas of Buddhism that are written down in the sutras. Our ideas about Buddhism should be verified by the sutras.

[18:02]

Nevertheless, our real verification comes from our own experience. just to practice fundamental practice without having too much of an idea about it. Real knowing is in not knowing. To say, don't know, is really the highest knowledge. When we're really confident in our don't know, not knowing mind, Then, from that position, we can accept everyone else. As soon as we stand on, I know, then we've separated ourselves into knowing and not knowing, or I know and you don't, or this is right and that's wrong.

[19:12]

When we sit on the cushion, we just enter not knowing. We just give up all ideas and opinions and just become reality itself. But to maintain that fundamental reality, not so easy. careful not to get into religious arguments or comparative religion. It's okay to compare, but not for the sake of who's right or who's wrong. Atheism is actually kind of close to Buddhism.

[20:21]

Buddhism is not atheistic, exactly, but non-theistic. Buddhism is a kind of non-theistic religion in which there's no special deity. Buddha is not a deity, although Buddha is deified by Buddhists, which is okay. Sometimes If someone says, do you believe in God, you can say, no. And some other time, you can say, yes. Either way is OK, as long as your position is not fixed. You can say anything. It doesn't mean that you're contradicting or betraying yourself or just taking the easy way out. If you really understand.

[21:25]

If you don't understand, then you may seem contradictory. But it's important. that we can accept the various ideas that people have about God. And it's also important to go beyond all the ideas that people have about God. So, yes, I do. No, I don't. Okay. Depends on what's appropriate.

[22:25]

So, in order to have freedom, we have to really be free. But at the same time, everything within our mind. And then we can give freedom to others as well. But in this coming year, what kind of attitude should we have? toward this precarious position that the world is in at the moment. You can do many things. You can try to change the direction of things.

[23:36]

You may or may not be able to do that. take care of ourselves, take care of what's around us, and by our attitude, to know what we're doing, and to practice what you really want to fulfill. So that when something happens, we won't be just left with our mouths open.

[24:39]

If we want to know reality, then we have to practice reality. If we want to know what to do, then we have to practice what to do all the time. So practice is continuous. And we should always be preparing for the unexpected. Zen practice is to be always ready for the unexpected. We go along, and we get some idea about what we're doing and what's happening, To be prepared, always, for the unexpected means to have nothing special in your mind about how things are. But then we may do that, and then we go on, and then we get this idea about how things are, and then... So, to always be prepared for the unexpected.

[26:03]

At the bottom of the heart, there's nothing special, just open, just ready for anything, and very alert, and ready for anything. This is basic attitude, without preconceptions. Do you have any questions or something that you'd like to discuss? Susan? My experience of staying around different religions is that when I really came to understand and care for this practice, then I could really understand other people's practice and appreciate it. And I'm in a 12-step program where there are a lot of

[27:21]

men who are preachers, priests, parsons, and so forth, or in the process of becoming that. And of course they're Christians, and the largest problem that seems to happen is when a practice becomes hierarchical and people get separated, then the practice becomes very institutionalized. I think we're very lucky because this is such a small practice and it offers a real intimacy and support that a hierarchical structure doesn't seem to offer. It's a good point on how to keep intimate and not to be a You said that we have to be careful and unexpected, and welcome the houses to be open, and not to hold on or fixate on anything.

[28:29]

How about the principle of right and wrong? Right and wrong, you know, what we decide is right and wrong. And even though there is a right and a wrong that we agree on, or that we feel is so, it's still our own judgment. No matter what, it's our own judgment. So we may feel that things are wrong. We may feel that they're right. But in a larger picture, things are just the way they are.

[29:33]

And that doesn't mean that we don't feel that they're right or wrong. But even though there is right and wrong, things are just the way they are. And if we understand that, then we can accept right and wrong more easily, more equally, actually. We usually get very upset when we feel that things are wrong, and feel very good when things are right If we have the larger picture, if we understand in a more fundamental way, then we can accept right and wrong. Otherwise, we can only accept right, but we can't accept wrong.

[30:36]

So, in this world, we have to be able to accept wrong as easily as we accept right. In that sense, how could one make the decision when to take action? Well, because you believe something's right, so we have to go in one direction or another. Right? And so, we want to go in the right direction. That's natural. At the same time, things are just the way they are. even though we go in the right direction, we have to realize things are just the way they are. In other words, as an example, you may be in the prime of life, and have all kinds of wonderful things to do, and you're going free, and everything's going your way, and suddenly the specter of death is right there in front of your nose.

[31:49]

Is that right or wrong? But this is not has to do with right and wrong. This is part of life. But I'm talking about principle of right and wrong in this world. The justice. That if we face that and we become a good Buddhist and we accept it, and that maybe we might not take any action because we accept it as that it is. Well, you have to take action and at the same time realize That things are just the way they are. It's not either or. It's not either or. You do what you have to do. You just do what you have to do, and we call that right. Someone else calls it wrong.

[32:53]

But it's also your job. Last night, Daniel didn't want to go to bed. He wanted to draw his picture. And he was absolutely right. But I wanted him to go to bed. And I was absolutely right. And from his point of view, I was wrong. And you are wrong! You are wrong! Matthew, I'm right! Who's right? Who's wrong? We're both right. We're both wrong. So what happened? He went to bed. Why didn't he lie? I'm bigger than you. How come you get to boss me around? So we're talking about power then. Who has the power? Who has the power? That's right. And who does have the power?

[34:02]

In other words, he goes to bed and he cries, I don't want to see you, get out of my room! That's okay, because he's being himself, and that's the way he's handling it, and I'm handling it my way. This morning, I haven't seen him yet, but he'll be just as happy to see me as ever when he sees me when I go home. And he'll have forgotten all about it. Expect the unexpected. Okay, if it's a power, then it's imbalanced in one way. How could the one who keeps the inferior position of the best power can maintain the ultimate That's right. When you're in the inferior position, how do you maintain your position? How do you maintain your power?

[35:06]

That is exactly the problem. Sometimes you're in the dominant position, sometimes you're in the subservient position. When you're in the dominant position, you think you have something to work with. When you're in the subservient position, you don't necessarily think you have something to work with, but you do. How do you deal with your pain? How do you deal with the cold? How do you deal with just the way things are? So, how do you bear the unbearable? That's what our life is in many ways. How do you bear what's really unbearable? If you know how to do that, then, and to really be open, then you have your own power.

[36:13]

Otherwise, no matter what, you don't have the power because you're just fighting. Or you can be a slayer. What? Or you can be a slayer. A slayer. Well, that's right, yeah, attorneys, you know. I have nothing against attorneys. But we hire somebody to make us, to speak for our power, speak for us. Now, because it's hard to speak for ourself, there's some, you know, we need an advocate, somebody to speak for us. When we speak for ourself, it's hard for people to listen. You know, because it sounds like we're excusing ourself or we, you know, building ourselves up in some way. So we ask somebody else to do it. So when you have a friend to speak for you, people listen to what that person has to say much more easily than they listen to what we had to say about ourself.

[37:16]

So it's very good to have lawyers. But, you know, that becomes corrupt. It becomes, it doesn't become a mouthpiece. but when we're in a difficult position and we need to say something, it's good to have a friend who will say something for us. This is what mediation is about. In Buddhism, in a Buddhist Sangha, when two monks have a problem that they can't reconcile, then each one gets an advocate to speak for each of the parties. So they can have some coolness or some clear, unbiased view, and they can look at it from all sides. But when you and I are arguing, we can't see it from all sides. We only see it from our own side. So that's why it's necessary to have people like that.

[38:21]

Can you tell me a bit more about how to bear the unbearable? Well, it's something that each one of us has to work out for ourselves. But... It's... You know, when fruit trees grow best where it snows, the fruit is much sweeter when it becomes very, very cold. And the tree has to go through some difficulty, you know. So, when we know how to practice, knowing how to practice means that we keep our nature sweet, no matter what our difficulty is.

[39:29]

She's nice and beautiful. Unless you're an orange. What? He said, unless you're an orange. What's my north? No, unless you're an orange. Oh yeah, unless you're an orange. Some of them. Some of them, that's right. Well, no, they'll die in the cold. Well, let's be apples. For me, it helps a lot more not to think about good and bad, but more about cause and effect. Yeah, I think that's wise. That's very good. That's right. Instead of thinking about good and bad, how did this happen? What did I do to make this happen? What can I do to make this better? Rather than saying, what can you do? You know, pointing the finger. So we always come back to ourself. Not blaming, even. by just looking at cause and effect. How did this happen? Or how can I do something to make a different effect?

[40:34]

That's how it works. Then, even though you're in difficulty, you're analyzing the situation or you're dealing with the situation rather than with your pain. Your pain may be in the background, motivating you, but instead of dwelling on that, and looking around for the causes and how you can change it yourself. Not so much change the outer circumstances, but how you can make it change. What you can do to make it different. That way you always have something to do. And when you have something to do, takes your mind off of self-pity. You said we need to be able to recognize truth.

[41:52]

It's a possible problem in that if you are recognizing truth, there's already a separation. On the other hand, if there's no separation and there's no you to recognize it, or you become truth, it seems there's a problem you can get kind of caught or lost. I think of religious fanatics who feel they've become truth. And I wondered if you could just... Yeah, well you don't say this is truth, you know, as opposed to some other... It's like as soon as you say, oh this is the truth, then you've already made the separation. So... What I meant by that was, at the one time, we are, there is no subject or object, and at the same time, you are you and I am me.

[43:14]

So, if you forget one side or the other, then you have a problem of separation. So, that's not quite one, it's not quite two. I am me and you are you, but it takes you to create me and it takes me to create you. So it's important to know that because we're not two, we create each other in the situation. Strength needs to be balanced with compassion. That's right. So, it's hard to have compassion for people who are persecuting us, but it's necessary.

[44:20]

So, really hard to, you know, control hateful mind or resentful mind or and all those things. That's why if we practice kind mind all the time, then we have some basis for when something happens, when the unexpected happens, how to deal with it without losing it. Because if we get pulled You know, if we get angry or lose our calmness of mind in a situation, then we're no longer standing in truth or standing in the reality of our practice. The reality of our practice is not to get unhinged, not to get pulled around by anything.

[45:33]

no matter what happens. That's a great challenge. So when something difficult does happen, instead of being thrown to our anger or thrown to our resentment, although those things will come up, we come back to our practice. We find ourselves rooted in our practice. And then we always have a way. But you have to find what that is on each moment's circumstance. There's no formula. So when something comes up,

[46:34]

You may be able to just act very quickly, or you may have to say, I don't know. And then as soon as you say, I don't know, something will come. This is the most valuable part of speech, I don't know. It creates all the knowing. It allows all the knowledge to come. Well, New Year's Eve we have a sitting, so you're all invited to come. We always have a good time sitting through until midnight, listening to the machine guns going on.

[47:42]

So, if I don't see you then, have a good New Year's and a Merry Christmas.

[47:51]

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