I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Good morning. Actually what I'd like to do is share with you the taste of the Tathagata's words, or how we can taste the Tathagata's words in our life. So I brought two tools that are doorways for me. So I thought I'd share them with you so that perhaps they too can be a doorway for you if they aren't already. I thought this was a little wider, so if I drop something, I'll apologize now. Also, I have bad eyes, so I was hoping it was even a little taller. To walk this way is not easy. What I wanted to share with you today is ways of resonating with our nature.

[01:06]

Another way of saying that is ways of resonating with our deepest heart, sometimes our most secret heart. Words are a wonderful vehicle for us to meet Truth, and I actually think that a spiritual path is really just a path about truth and clarity. And in that, there is a perpetual, continual refining that can occur. Words have a way of opening our minds, helping us meet the boundaries of our minds and the boundaries of our thinking, and go beyond them, so that our mind can become vast. That is our birthright. That is Big Mind. It isn't relying on us having a better past. You don't have to be born into a particular situation. Safe, warm, nurturing, loving, financially abundant for you to be on a good spiritual path.

[02:11]

It is actually through every one of our lives that we have an opportunity to meet the way. There is no one way, there's just the way. No one religion has a hold on it. There's just the way. Each one of us carries within us a jeweled essence. No one shines any brighter in this room. All the same, no teacher ever from the beginning of time, no matter how great, has a jeweled essence that shines any more beautifully. than what you already carry within. The difference between us and perhaps Christ and Buddha is that they got out of the way to let the way be within them, so that their body and mind was a true vessel for the way.

[03:15]

How can our everyday life be doorways for us to be free. So I'd like to share a couple of short poems. I love Dogen. He is one of my favorites. One reason is, is he uses everyday terms and images and pictures of life to show us that they are all entry points for freedom, which is our birthright. No matter what the pain or anguish or stories that we have had in life, we all have the right to walk in freedom. So two small stories, excerpts. This old plum tree is boundless. All at once its blossoms opened and of itself the fruit is born. It forms spring.

[04:20]

It forms winter. It arouses wind and wild rain. It is the head of a patch-robed monk or a lay student of the way. It is the eyeball of an ancient Buddha. It becomes grass and trees. It becomes pure fragrance. Its whirling miraculous transformation has no limit. The old plum tree is within the human world and the heavenly world simultaneously. The old plum tree manifests both human and heavenly worlds in its tree-ness. Therefore, hundreds and thousands of blossoms are called both human and heavenly blossoms. When it talks about the old plum tree is within the human world and the heavenly world, It manifests both human and heavenly world in its tree-ness.

[05:23]

Two things are stated here, or kind of implied here. Why we feel so comfortable in nature is that when we're around a tree, a tree is just exerting itself, tree, even with its gnarls, its stories of nicks, even with its bugs. It's still tree. Tree isn't saying, I want to be a rock. We don't feel this confusion. We don't feel this wanting to be other than just what it is. It draws upon its foundation and its roots, and through its foundation and roots, through its past, it is fully present. If within each one of us the exact same jeweled Essence is present, do you think there is a different jeweled Essence in a tree?

[06:26]

In an animal? In the sun or the moon? No. Same. Exactly same. So when we look at a tree, or the leaves moving in the breeze, Do we just see tree? Or can this tree also be a way for us to feel the deepest Truth, our Oneness, our Sameness in our nature? Within a simple leaf, our whole existence is also mirrored. When we watch leaves moving on a tree, The breeze moves each leaf differently. No one leaf is crying out for a different movement. It moves with the breeze. Same is true with our life. As we let the way begin to fill us, this golden wind will move each one of us differently.

[07:37]

There is no right way. It's beyond picking and choosing. It is something deeper than us, who has all of us, every aspect of us, completely in mind. No accident. If no accident, then how can we turn the atrocities of our life into an opportunity for our awakening? How can we look at painful situations as a way to gain insight? How can we take an opportunity that seems to have no doorways for escape and patiently look and see the doorway that's always been waiting? If we look with our small mind, we can't find it. We can't see it. We can't smell it.

[08:39]

If we allow our small mind to be quiet, then our deeper mind will show us the way. In 25 years that I've been formally practicing, in about 23 years that I've been working with the sick and the dying, I have found no exception. I am a true scientist, though. I keep watching to see if there is an exception. I have never found In the bleakest of all situations, in the greatest of all turmoil that our heart could ever experience, there is a way for that experience to be an opportunity for our hearts to see, feel, even more. And to feel a greater kinship and connection with others.

[09:43]

When you paint spring, do not paint willows, plums, peaches, or apricots. Just paint spring. To paint willows, plums, peaches, or apricots is to paint willows, plum, peaches, or apricots. It's still missing something. It's not spring. It is not that spring cannot be painted, but aside from my late master, old Buddha, there is no one in India or China who has painted spring. He alone was the sharp pointed brush that painted spring. It's easy to think we know the way. It's easy to attach to a form and think that's the way. But in that, something can be missing.

[10:54]

Where is our deepest mind and heart? How can we truly hear and see and feel spring? It's not a particular form. I believe Dogen in this passage was saying, be careful. The spring on the piece of paper may look like spring in your mind, but it's just your mind. Can you let the brush breathe so that the essence of spring goes inside? You know, calligraphers, great calligraphers, they looked at their work under very fine microscopes. electron microscopes, and they found that those teachers who did calligraphy, while in the presence of the way, their ink sunk deeper into the paper than those that did not. Although surface-wise they may have looked exactly the same, one was penetrating, one was not.

[12:04]

What they're saying is, Be careful. It's not a particular form that is the way. It is the heart that we release into the form. This is the way. When you've been sitting Zazen ten years, your posture will change many, [...] many times. It is not the right posture that is Zazen. It is where our minds and hearts are that is Zazen. To me, I think what's really important is how to have a kind of tender vision that allows us to see deeper than the form, to experience the non-form. So it's simultaneous activity, but it's scary because we were apt to risk seeing with these eyes and these ears.

[13:16]

We have to risk seeing and hearing differently, becoming raw and vulnerable. When we begin to do this though, we find there is no other way. We start to meet the true vitality that's in life. When you sit with a tree and you watch the leaves move in the breeze, Can you hear the ancestors move in their leaves? Can you possibly allow yourself an opportunity to be moved by the golden wind without picking and choosing? When I was at Tassajara, I used to do a lot of childcare. I adore children because they have an unusual, fresh way of seeing and hearing.

[14:18]

I used to take the children down to the creek and kind of set them off, in a way, and ask them to tell me, what is the stream saying? What do you hear from the stream? And we'd poke. Is it laughing or giggling today? Is it happy or sad? What do you feel? It is for your ears. Each one will hear something different. One day, this four-and-a-half-year-old sat on his old stump, leg crossed on top of the other, hands like this, staring into the stream. Kind of bothered me. I got a little scared. I did something wrong. I asked him, I said, what do you hear? He said, the stream is never fake. I said, how is that?

[15:20]

He said, it is always clear. That's been maybe 13 years, I'm still drawing upon that. What an amazing way to hear life in the stream. What an amazing way for Dogen to hear and tell us that the ancestors rest in the leaves of the trees, that both the heavenly and the earthly realm are simultaneously present. But do we give ourselves the opportunity to hear in this way? Have you ever sat and watched a tree to hear the qualities of your own heart? In truth, just what it is, the tree can show you. It has its narrows. It will remind you of yours.

[16:22]

It has its new growth. It will remind you of yours. It can help you focus on something and help you heal it within. Can you do it? Will you give yourself an opportunity to hear and meet you in the world that surrounds us? My feeling is, Dogen keeps trying to remind us to look all around us for the Buddhas and ancestors, because they're right here. Not only within each one of us, within our jeweled essence, within the trees and the birds. My feeling is, if it was different from that, there'd only be one person in the world at the time, and there'd be nothing around. Do you think it's an accident? that there are beautiful trees and animals and other people living in the world together. What is this together?

[17:26]

How can we hear about ourselves through all that exists around us? Through the simple trees? Through the simple leaves? Can we risk being moved in the golden wind knowing that no one has ever been moved in the golden wind in that way before. And no one ever will. If you want training in this, it's very simple. Follow your breath. You have had no two breaths the same since the beginning of your life. Ever. Nor will you ever again. Our very bodies change and show the seasons. How can all of life be a mirror for us to meet who we are with tenderness?

[18:29]

It is not walking around and seeing all the bad or all the good. That is not true. Living a life in truth and clarity, which I think is what Dogen always is talking about, is to see us clearly with no extra, no sledgehammer of opinions. Just seeing, hearing, witnessing. That's all we need to do. The changes happen automatically because our jeweled essence is right there present with us. We cannot hear truth without our jeweled essence being present. To live a life in truth, in clarity, is very hard, very difficult, because we will always feel the golden wind at our back.

[19:32]

No right, no wrong, but it completely cradles us, will never let us go. For a short time, we run the fear of what will happen if I let it shake me. But once I move beyond the fear and I let go, we realize that the leaf is always cradled, and that our deepest strength has always been within. A great fear leaves, a great worry leaves, and we begin to walk this earth filling our feet with who we came to be, just us. I don't know if there's any other reason for living. What I'd like to do is open up for questions and answers on this part while I show you one more tool that's meant a great deal to my heart

[20:44]

And perhaps you'll want to bring this into your life, too. Any thoughts? Any questions? And you know, questions can be about anything to the speaker. It can even be whitey up around here. Yes. Oh, I'd love that. Yeah, I'm afraid I'll drop my bowls. Thank you. Any thoughts? Yes. Thank you for your words. The rhythm of your talk and the pacing that you're speaking with compels me to have more pictures. And there's a tree in my back yard. It's an American elm tree. Because the cat, I have three cats, and there's one cat that awaits fall time, every fall, to watch and catch the leaves as they fall from the tree.

[22:09]

And it's, it is such a beautiful sight because he's so happy watching the tree and catching the leaves as if they were mice. Same essence. Same essence in the leaf and the mice. Yes, that's true. Same. So he does play with the leaf like a mouse. Yeah, he brings piles and I couldn't figure out where all these leaves came from the first cloud part. Thank you, Robyn. You can also ask a question before a plant or a tree and hear an incredible answer. For instance, one time at Tassajara, and I've shared this story before, there was someone head of a kitchen who was kind of monstrous. I mean, he was just kind of an incredible angry person.

[23:11]

It's okay. Anger comes out when we practice. We finally get to uncover it and let it be free. But as it comes out, sometimes it passes over the lips first. And it's not really personal, it's just cleaning. And anyway, this woman, who was really a bear, it was right before a period of Zazen, like right before lunch, and we were sitting, and I was on the deck outside, and when this woman would walk, people would do this, all the shoulders, and we were wondering who she would get. So I sat there, feeling very raw and vulnerable, as you can in Tassajara, when you sit a lot. And this woman started to approach, and the shoulders going down the tongue went like this, which is very funny. And I actually prayed deep inside, I said, please, please help me, I don't know what to do.

[24:12]

Because I knew it wasn't, I wasn't sure if it was coming at me, but I quickly flashed, did I do anything? This great breeze, I was watching the reeds of the grass, maybe three foot, four foot reeds of the grass in front of me, and this great breeze came by and bent the reeds of the grass and stood back up. And I thought, Oh my God, that's all I have to do is let her go. Let her path, let her anger path be flexible and not meet it with rigidity, is to be soft enough to hear, so that whole world becomes a mirror. Anything else? Yes? I appreciated your lecture very much, and it seems that, you know, there are always a lot of ways there for us, but it requires some willingness. Can you say anything about willingness?

[25:15]

I don't seem to have much these days. I think it's OK not to have a lot. I think we have to know pain more than willingness. This is just my feeling back now, when you bring up willingness. Willingness has to do with giving my small mind saying, OK, you can have 12% opportunity, experience. See, willingness to me is too much tied up to my small mind. I had to have so much anguish and pain inside of me, that I had to realize beyond a shadow of a doubt that my small mind had no idea how to get out of this, and had to risk following that which was true and clear, and did not pick and choose. That's why I love Buddhism actually, because Buddhism is very much in a sense like Taoism, in that you don't have to be someone special to do it. You don't have to become a Buddhist to follow Buddha's way.

[26:18]

Buddha's way is a path of truth and freedom, personally. Nobody's got corner market on this. So I would say it's okay not to be willing, because it's okay to have lots of fear and anxiety, because we usually have terrible stories from which to draw upon with pain. My sense is, I would say have an intention that's deeper than willing. Have an intention that wants truth, freedom, and clarity more than anything in the world. Sometimes it seems just impossible. Yeah, I think that's important too. I tried suicide three times. It was so bad. That's pretty impossible. But what I came to find out was, it wasn't my big mind talking, it was my small one.

[27:19]

I didn't know that I was worthy to receive something that was so great, it had compassion for me. So my sense is, if you have your stories, I don't know of anybody who doesn't have stories, really, past the age of two, That's the story. Is draw upon what you want more than anything in the world. Your intention can be greater than anything. Your intention can be so strong it's greater than any pain. And then the willingness actually becomes unallowing. So it's not asking for permission, it's just allowing the change to occur. in a safe way, in a gentle way. So it's not like you set yourself up for a trap. Because there are teachers of the way that are not true. This is truth.

[28:23]

Don't be fooled. You know in here what to do. If anyone or anything tells you to hurt yourself or someone else, take a step back. Again, did you hear correctly? If you did, please walk another way. Anything else? See, you don't have to be special to be in a spiritual life. You just need one-to-one clarity, truth, and freedom more than anything in the whole world. And it'll open your mind and open your heart greater than you ever dreamed. And it'll make it impossible for you to want to ever go back. You have a thought? Yes, I saw it.

[29:27]

That's clarity. Yes. But the big mind, is the big mind just a metaphor, a metaphorical metamorphosis, or is it involved in discrimination, too? Because it seems to me, if you have clarity, you need to be able to say, this is such, that is that. When a young child looks at a car, they think ice cream, Denny's, ride to the park. When a 15-year-old looks at the same car, they think driver's license, dates, going out with the guy, maybe if it's a guy, maybe not a guy.

[30:32]

When it's a 40-year-old, we think of transportation for work, same car, same truth, [...] different stories. Truth is not stagnant. It moves us, works directly with us where we are, and works with us to keep opening and broadening us, so it's not fixed. Big mind knows all about cars. Big mind includes everything. It doesn't add a value judgment on top of it. And no matter what it says, it says, okay, this moment, it's next moment, transformation again. See, nothing's stagnant. The moment something becomes stagnant, small mind. So it's a view without an edge.

[31:37]

It's a lot to move into. That's why it takes a whole lifetime. That's why it's wonderful we get to be a student for a whole lifetime. It's really precious. That means we get to make mistakes for a whole lifetime. It means we get to taste life for a whole lifetime. Pretty good. And then all our job is reflect, witness, and keep being. This is my most favorite ceremony in Buddhism. When I came to Buddhism and I met orioke bowls, which is kind of formal way of eating, but I want to show you how you can do this at home. Because I don't know of any other practice I have done in Buddhism that so directly has given me a vehicle to open my heart, heal my wounds,

[32:40]

and make peace. Everybody will do it different. I mean, everybody will find a vehicle to help them. This is one for me. They have oriochi meal here on Saturday mornings. You don't have to know at all what you're doing. It's okay, we all started. Just please, I welcome you to come. We have an opportunity when we eat to nourish stomach, or to have it resonate with our deepest mind and heart. This traditionally Buddha bowl, our Buddha mind, our deepest mind, if we just pick it up, no connection, it's just a bowl, and it is just a bowl. If I pick it up with my whole body, whole mind, whole heart, it's my deepest dream. It's my deepest vow, without words.

[33:44]

It's my deepest heart. And I get to touch it, and hold it, and cradle it, and give it form. When I do the bowls, I've studied with old, old teachers. I used to grab them at Tassajara, pull them aside and talk to them. So I have a lot of different esoteric reasoning, esoteric ways of entering these bowls, so I'll just show a little bit, just to give you an idea of what they can do. Oftentimes this one is my heart, because I carry so many wounds here. This lifetime, this is what, how I've had to learn to see through, which means I've had to clean this and hear pain, because I can't work with people that are sick and dying if I don't know what pain is. It's just surface. So, I can pick up my heart. I can pick up my heart.

[34:48]

Just a difference. And it's safe, and you can connect. And when you eat from it, you let it go all the way down to your toes, just like Zazen. And when you clean it, You can wash away all the ancient pain that you've carried. You don't even have to understand what it's about. You can clean away stuff you didn't even know was there. This one doesn't have to know. Clean it. [...] Sometimes when I want to work on boundaries, please my heart, open wide. Be soft. Sometimes this little guy is relationships. Maybe someone that I'm worrying about that's quite sick, and I want to help them with their pain and anguish. It can be many things.

[35:52]

These bulls take on many faces. This is, can be the single-eyed Buddha looking at you. When you look in your bull, and you see the reflection of your face, is that Buddha? You may try that on. We'll touch you down to your toes and bring tears. How many of us think that we could never have the birthright or the right to meet Buddha face to face? But you can. You don't even have to come to a formal meal on a Sushi. You can do it at home. Maybe once a week, you take a bowl of food.

[36:56]

You take a spoon. Everybody has one of these. Stick it next to it. Not so important where. Buddha didn't care. He just wants your heart. You can be completely stupid and completely open your heart. Not knowing is perfectly okay. Put food in your bowl, and then when you eat it, feel it go into your heart. How many of us have ever given ourselves permission to nurture ourselves? Usually we're told it's selfish. It's not selfish. We're written into the script. We're supposed to also be nourished And it's not saying how much, because when a server comes by, we stop and we bow with them. It's not just me. When you eat, eat.

[37:59]

And then, like I have more formal kind of cleaning tool, but they have these little midget sets that you can buy. Excuse me, midget spatulas. Spatula, if anybody doesn't know, is a wooden stick that has like a rubber utensil on the end to clean things. You can buy little midget ones. Clean it. Pour some hot water in it after. A little bit. Wash it down. Drink it. I take that which coated my heart, that coated my mind, and now it brings me nourishment. Usually at the end of formal meal, we clean everything. And before I drink the water, I say some prayer. Always changes, because I always change. I'm always going through transformation.

[39:00]

So you can let this water, you bring in the pain consciously, that you washed away, and it becomes nourishment. Did you see how you turned it? That which took life from you now gives you life. When I was four and a half, I say this often because I think it's important for people to understand. I was four and a half when I was attacked and raped by two men who didn't know any better. It was a great anguish for my mind and body and heart. Some years later, when I was 25, I remembered the incident when I was dying. Good time to remember things. I never thought it would be possible to ever make peace with it, but actually I have.

[40:12]

Can you believe that a rape of a four and a half year old has brought nourishment to my heart? When I work with people and they tell me they have their pain, there's very little I have not heard or felt or experienced. Zazen is an incredible tool. It offers us an opportunity to meet our deepest mind and heart, greater than the the boundaries of our small mind could even pray for. It has the potential to nourish our small mind or big mind. If you sit or do practice with fixed idea about our special way, it will leave you behind. It's so sad, there's so many old teachers that have lost it because they think they had it.

[41:16]

Oh, I lost my napkin. See? Oh, thank God, where did I place it? Don't be fooled. The way is for simple people, meaning it takes the activity of our life and boils it down, and boils it down, and boils it down till we walk freely in our feet. I recommend this incredible ceremony of meeting Buddha's mind, which you can, in a meal, come to taste as yours. You'll never be the same again. When I realized the Buddha's way included me, I cried so hard I couldn't even stand.

[42:17]

I thought it was for everybody else. Who could possibly want a blemished four and a half year old? So, everybody has a bowl at home. Everybody has a spoon. Can you give permission for you to nourish you and meet you? To give yourself permission to feel the sparkle of the sunshine in you? The one that dance on the leaves, if you notice it, it's dancing also in you. Can you give yourself a time to feel it? This is freedom. Zazen is when our breath is like a swinging door. It moves freely in the breeze. Can you give yourself permission to risk feeling the golden breeze?

[43:22]

There is a Sushin coming up in a week, give or take a day or two, for seven days. I recommend if you can sit one of the days, please, meet you, you'll never have a regret. You may cry. I always bring three handkerchiefs. That's why we have so many slaves as priests. We have more to cry about, I think. The more we see, the more we cry, the more joy we have. If you can't come to Sashim, please come to a Saturday breakfast. They have labels to use, so it's not so crazy to worry about it. But I would recommend, if you can, get a set of bowls. Do this ceremony on your own. It's not caught by Buddhism or anything. It can be the deepest expression of your mind and heart, where you meet Buddha's mind, and realize, beyond a doubt,

[44:30]

Well, that's it. I've gabbed you all. Any final thoughts? I think I have to let you all go. Italians have no trouble with lips moving. Any final thought or question? Then I'd like to give you a homework assignment. Sometime this afternoon, allow yourself perhaps five minutes to sit before a tree or a flower and just receive. Thank you very much.

[45:14]

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