I'd like to invite everyone to mute yourselves, please. And I want to make an introduction. So this is... So I'm introducing Chuen Ryushin, Frederica Wasserman. Juen means blessed circle, and Ryushin means noble heart. And last night, we completed Dharma transmission for Juen and for her partner, Nanzan, who will speak on Monday morning. On the back of the rakasu that I described to him, it says, joyous occasion. This is a joyous occasion. So just very briefly, because her biography is extensive, Joanne and Nanzan are the priests and teachers at Wind and Clouds Sangha in Gittorf, northern Germany, very far right in the peninsula between the North Sea and the Baltic.

[01:31]

Beautiful country, a beautiful place. She's a palliative care oncologist and she also created this really unique hospice program and also a hospice facility in Getorf and she's a person of many skills and talents and Also pleased to note that Kaz Tanahashi is with us in the Zendo. He's the person that connected us. And she's worked with Kaz for many years, helping him with his workshops in Germany and also as a translator of Dogen. Okay? Yeah. So, thank you all. Can I be heard? Yeah, good. for your very kind invitation for the generous occasion to talk here in this amazing Zendo.

[02:42]

You know, every time I think of this Zendo at home, which you've heard is some miles away, I get a heartbeat raise. It's such an amazing place of... where the light and the solidity of the craftsmanship and the synergy of the spacing and the history of these many people who have been here and also, of course, of the founders come together. And yeah, it has a bit of a magic. So as you have heard, my name is Joanne and please excuse my English. First of all, we would like to thank everyone who has been supporting us during this week, during this transmission week, who has cooked for us, made room, took over our chores and cooked these delicious meals.

[03:47]

You know, as caretakers, we are not used to it, but it felt really good. And thank you all to Carol. and to Shosan Victoria Austin for helping and assisting, but most of all, of course, to Abadhusan Roshi, who made all this possible and much more. And to Laurie. You know, every time we talk to Laurie or write to her, she gives the Bodhisattva's response. You have someone among you who carries her heart very close to her eyes, ears, nose, tongue, hand, feet. Oh, you're very lucky. Yeah. Before I start, I would just briefly like to say, you know, how could this happen? How did we get here? And I think it's, you know, when you enter a spiritual path, it's always a good idea to at a certain point,

[04:55]

ask yourself, is how I'm doing right now still in alignment with the intentions that brought me here? So we both started sitting in the 80s with Schwester Ludwigis from the Sambu Kiyodan lineage. She got us started and right on our first encounter, she turned me around. There was no way back after that. And when we came to a point, maybe after 10 years or so, that there was a gap we couldn't bridge between Sachin experience and our daily life experience, which at that time was, you know, a young doctor challenging schedule. So we were looking for something to a practice place with a more regular offer and eventually monastic training.

[06:00]

And Japan was out of reach at that time because it was clear we would have needed to work at a certain extent. So we turned to the end. And in one of those monastic places on a weekend in early February, Kazuha Kitana Hashi came to us. And with him, the universe of the brush. And if I would have had any questions I had or gaps in my, on my spiritual path, they were, they fell into place. Yeah, it was an entire new landscape. I had always suspected to be there, but couldn't access. And with him came, again, with the brush, again, And, you know, you read Dogen or you read Dogen, and this, of course, was an entirely different experience and continues to be so. And over the last 20 years, Kazuaki has taught us life and fresh life and Zen life, visited our Sangha often.

[07:13]

And we translated Dogen, as you have heard, a little bit. and published a book on Riocan. So, we were then invited on the occasion of the publication of the Shobo Genzo, a work he did over decades with San Francisco Zen Center. And on the evening before the event, I was asked to go talk there. There was a reception at Green's Restaurant, and we felt a little bit displaced. You know, we were lay then, came right from work, And there were all these Zen icons. And then one person addressed us, so how many sishines do you sip? And at that time, we were totally into medicine and building up our sangha, so zero sishine. And he walked off and he thought, oh, hmm. But then someone approached us who didn't seem to mind that we were

[08:18]

foreigners, nobodies, whatever. He was curious and open and he didn't seem to want anything from us, as you can imagine. And above all that, he was offering to see us in Germany. His name was Rosanne, as you can imagine. So another Enzo unfolded until this very day. Rosanne has taught our Sangha, visited us often. He gave Jukai to a number of our Sangha members and has taught both of us in every possible way. Our professional life, as you have heard, is basically being with people who are in challenging in extreme situations, immunocompromised with the limited lifespan.

[09:19]

And we are incredibly grateful for these encounters, as challenging as it might be. However, as you know, on the rim of things, you see more clearly, you know, at the blood smear, you look at the thin parts to distinguish the cells and make the diagnosis. So we were forced by our dear patients, to be as clear as we can, as honest as we can, and to stay with all elements of our practice. Our patients have been our marketplace. And of course, without them and without our dear Sangha, who is 20 years old now, we wouldn't be here also. And still, Huzan has mentioned it, You know, after a while we thought where we live is like the anti-Bay area. So we knew by then all Zen Buddhists.

[10:21]

We need to say something more. And we founded a non-profit organization which educates volunteers to be with dying people. Not nursing, not medical, but... on a social and psychological level, to attend to that bucket list that needs attention and care, because also in our rural area, you know, there are less and less large families, more single households, and we do bereavement work, we do social counseling, ethical advice, and we have this sweet project of hospice dogs. Still, we felt You know, not everyone can stay at home in such a difficult situation. So we, as you've heard, 20 months ago, opened this hospice house with eight beds for adults and two for children. So that's about our lives, sort of.

[11:28]

And looking at the common thread, you know, for ourselves, for our patients in our volunteer work, fear came up. And this is what I would like to talk about today. Fear is an emotion that we experience when we feel threatened. And obviously in these illnesses this is the case, but fear is also an emotion we come up with in our practice, right? And also I thought, well, it seems that in this time or there's more fear in the air than there used to be. You know, we have this still ongoing pandemic where encounters we carelessly did can be potentially contagious. We in Europe have this brutal war going on on our continent.

[12:30]

You know, with medieval ways, people are being slaughtered. And, you know, German, we were brought up with never again. And now it's happening like three hours away from us. And it's ongoing. It's going to take longer. And we can feel the implication. We could feel the implications of it the very next day. It started on February 24th and increasingly so. So that's intimidating. Well, fear is a basic emotion, and it's good that we have it, because that's what brought us here. It's a survival mechanism. When the predator is after us, we better run. So it's deeply ingrained in our matrix. And the Buddha called this skillful fear, natural and a good instinct.

[13:36]

situation might be a little bit delicate so we make a step back obviously there's also unskillful fear now it's in my words the fear without the tiger at least the visible tiger and this is what i would like to talk about it's an emotion and obviously it you know emotions um cannot be addressed or it's hard to address them intellectually. You cannot say to a child, and often fear is a young part in us that has fear. Don't be afraid in front of the dark aisle. It doesn't work that way. In Buddhism, we distinguish five basic fears. They all have to do something with loss. Loss of life, like fear of death. loss of health, fear of illness, fear of losing your mind, fear of losing your possessions, and fear of public talking.

[14:49]

I can relate to that. So obviously, when it's defined, it's old, so it's not something we need to blame ourselves for it's something that's deeply ingrained in us. Yet fear is one of the basic reasons for our suffering. And of course the Buddha also said, you know, it's a transient emotion, just like everything else. But wouldn't it be nice if, you know, we didn't always have to through that fear and just wait until it passes, which of course eventually it will. Yeah, so fear of loss, fear of falling, because at the same time in Buddhism, you know, fearlessness is a highly ranked quality.

[15:58]

If you only think about the early koans, you know, in the Mumonkan, Kyogen on that branch, and he was already tired and let his arms go and was just clinging with his teeth. And then the tiger below was already licking his lips. And then he was asked this life and death question, and what do you do? You have to open your mouth. Or how do you move forward? on that 100-foot pole. So fear of falling. Scientists say that this is one of our, concerning primates, one of the basic fears, you know, in the Obamutan, in the tree, when he fell, that was it. So falling is also something we have deep inside.

[17:00]

It's nothing wrong that we are respectful towards it. Yet, aren't we always falling? You know, every Zazen we are falling and we're losing. Sunryo Suzuki said that, you know, In life we go out on this large ocean and we are in this boat and the boat will sink. So that's true. Eventually someone will lean over us and ask, you know, how are you doing this morning? Have you already taken your morning medication? And further down the line we will be in the horizontal. So obviously we will lose And we will fall. And that can be intimidating at the same time in our Zazen practice.

[18:03]

That's what we do. We become one with. In Zazen, if you just think, there's a place where it itches. just itches so much and then you secretly you and then one minute later left me inches and so it goes and miraculously enough at the end of the period when the bell rings it's all gone so or you have um and you've all experienced it there are moments in Zazen where you can no longer define the physical boundaries, your own, our own, where you seem to, you know, extend to the room.

[19:03]

Or you travel in a second to your childhood, you are in that home kitchen, you look at that pattern on the wall and you're small and the perspective and you being told something next moment, you're somewhere else. So obviously we're always floating and making ourselves in a way acquainted to this motion. Because for fear, you know, in my modest and really limited experience, it's just one way. You go right into it. You fall into it. And you take it all on, the sorrow and the grief, the sadness and the loss, the shame and the guilt, the regret, and also the subtle beauty that is also entained in the grief and the suffering.

[20:13]

There's a very soft place there. which we can visit like a sweet garden every now and then. And we invite that in. And with every period of Zazen, you know, we let it sink in a little bit deeper until it has entered every cell. And then we have melted the fear. We have straightened out and merged. And it's... Of course it's endless because then there comes another emotion. But we practice it. And every Zazen period a small laser light goes on until, you know, after a couple of years it's a little bit more light in the room. So this is what the magic of our practice provides to us. And here in this room And I would also say a very well-working antidote against fear is a sangha.

[21:21]

Because we are all in this together here, and I mean here in this room, you can do everything. No one is looking, except for Sojourn is looking. Happy birthday, Sojourn. But as you all know, he would have supported you. There's hardly ever a more forgiving community than a sangha, and a more forgiving object than a cushion, because it's always waiting for you. And if you have slept through that period, you're invited again. So we practice this and become familiar with being larger and smaller and finer and someone else, maybe, you know, because it's a little bit boring to always be ourselves, tell us stories over and over again.

[22:21]

And this practice asks from us to expand and to be curious and to invent and to create and to, you know, enlarge, as Dogen said in his Genzo Koan, you know, we get larger and we shrink according to our to the situation we encounter. And the Buddha was such a scientist because he taught us all these various steps we could examine. Before we left, there was one of these moments, there's still a lot of media coverage. over the upcoming winter time and a shortage in liquid gas. You know, because Germany is heavily dependent on energy from Russia. And that, you know, it's going to be really expensive, like four times up.

[23:27]

And if it's ever going to be there, it's going to be maybe not for every household and media. They live on fear. So there I sit in my T-shirt. on a beautiful summer night, outside, birds and grass, and it's quiet, and you really get tense. And fear is vague. That's what it also lives by, that vagueness. Something is happening. And you conjure up, and then you eye. was reproachful. Why these politicians? Why am I cold? We might have to close the Zendo again. We just started and, you know, I might have money and all that until, and this is where practice comes in. Okay, cold. Now, I might have to say, I hate being cold.

[24:29]

And I also maybe should say that where we live, as Hosean mentioned, you know, that's about middle British Columbia. So it's north. Our summers are just amazing. Long, light winters. You know, it can be dark by 2 p.m. Cold, right? But then to think, okay, we might have to... except socks in the sandal, maybe a scarf. We might have to work a little bit more for the heating. We're used to work and actually we like work. I might have to exercise more that myself. Well, that's actually a good thing. So to de-mask that process and then summer night. It goes so fast in two seconds. And also, you know, all spiritual teachers from St.

[25:35]

Benedict to the Buddha have emphasized that this practice starts with the body. So to look at, actually, because it's both ways. We have a body sensation and out of that we react or something happens and we have a body sensation. As with fear, You know, we all know we get tense, heart rate goes up, head gets light, we are a little bit warm and tense. But if we look at it, for those of you who are into sports and velocity, you know, if you do, what's it, downhill skiing or, you know, we think in California everyone goes surfing, so you know what I mean. Same reaction, you know, heartbeat goes up and you get excited, and same body reaction.

[26:36]

Or on a more subtle level, you know, falling in love. And you also go, so could we, same, it's a similar body reaction, isn't it? Could we relabel fear before you love? And you just think about it, you know, we always use the same ways and this practice offers us the entire easel to try it out. And with every period we get a new sheet of paper to attend to. I would like to address also one assumption and two antidotes. And the assumption maybe first.

[27:38]

So we fear, the Buddha said, we fear because in the face of impermanence, you know, we don't like that flowers fall. And of course, that's right. But I think nowadays, a couple of centuries later, It's wise to address that we also fear something like our inadequacy, that we might not be able to respond to whichever changed situation there might be. Because we have this, you know, since we've eaten that apple, we have this problem that we always try to justify why we're here. And Suzuki tried to take that from us, but still we do it, because he said, you know, it's okay, just being here is fine. So to look at, you know, what's my assumption about this situation, why do I feel I couldn't handle it, and then act out, because what happens, as you all know, if we then respond in a reflex,

[28:55]

We position ourselves in opposite and we harm ourselves and others. Fear causes war, internally and externally. And again, about inadequacy and our Zazen practice, we get accustomed with so many situations, emotions, moments just in our Zazen practice, that we, step by step, gain confidence. And think about if you extend the zazen practice to the floors, you know. I read here also, like in our sangha, there are some people who say, I can't sing. And then you're assigned, and slowly, yeah, get a voice. We have someone in our sangha who is convinced, You know, if you make me do this, I'm out.

[29:56]

So we waited 10 years, I think. And now, you know, it's almost like a Bach cantata. Yeah. So we slowly take ourselves by the hand, and that's an antidote in itself. Yeah. And gratefulness, I would like to talk briefly about, because fear is an imperial emotion. It doesn't allow anything beside her or him. And we need to equilibrate this fear with whatever we have. And gratefulness is always a good advice, a wise medicine. You know, every time when I enter a room with my patients, whether it's in hospice or in hospital, you have to imagine, you know, they just gave up their house, their everything, and lie in bed, often younger than I am, hooked onto every possible assisted device.

[31:19]

And you say, oh, how are you doing? which receives the broadest smile often. You know, look at that sunshine. And I just had tea. I could taste it and it stayed in. You know, so gratefulness. There's immeasurable ways what we can feel grateful for, even in the midst of all the major problems we are facing right now. And Zen teaches us too, because Zen is the art of learning, among other things, of learning from small things. How you put the things on the altar, you know, how you treat the sink is how you treat ourselves. You know, that's what Dogen meant, pebbles and bamboo and lanterns. They are all

[32:22]

our guests, and they come forward. They are the 10,000 things ready to help us and to be learned from. Once we move a little bit out of the way, we can be with them. The next antidote I think is something like hope and confidence. Hope and confidence, hope is maybe not so well looked at in Zen practice because it has a reason, hope for something better, you know, something later in life, something like fear. You know, fear is seldom something right now. We fear what might be. If it's fear right now, then this is skillful fear.

[33:25]

So that's another clue. But, and Pema Chujun, she was right when she said we have to give up all hope in order to counter radical acceptance of our life. And yet, and yet, you know, aren't we hopeful when we sit down in this period? We're going to. And is there an incredible amount of confidence in this practice, in this place, in the service, in the offerings, you know, in so many ways? And, you know, we vow to go to enter all these Dharma gates, even though they are countless. That's the ultimate confidence.

[34:27]

The founder of the Lutheran church, Martin Luther, at his time he this is 16th century, he was famous for saying, and that was revolutionary at that time, you know, if I knew the world would perish tomorrow, I would plant an apple tree today. And for his time, where everything was so focused on the then and the heaven, this was something to say. A couple of centuries later, and as bodhisattvas, we are asked to plant that apple tree today, even though we know the world will perish today. That's our practice over and over again. And that's the confidence we bring into step-by-step everything we do. Out of the confidence we learn from our Zazen practice, which is so forgiving.

[35:39]

always waits. And we can always return, of course, to the main harbor and wooden pillar we have in us, the breath. That's our all-time remedy. You can call it repentance or you can call it returning to always forgiving, always there and available and comfortingly solid and seemingly eternal, at least for as long as we are here. So we're not alone. I would like to close with a koan Nansan found. It's from Korea. And I think sums up some of it.

[36:46]

The tiger fears the human heart. The human fears the tiger's kindness. So, yeah. You know, what is in us that makes an animal like the tiger, who weighs probably everyone's weight together, what's in us that makes him fear us? What is that destructive potential we have and can we look at it? so that someone who is such a beautiful species, which is about to disappear, no longer has to fear us. And mostly, why does the human heart fear the tiger's kindness?

[37:58]

Well, the tiger knows. The tiger knows about his element. He is in line with his circle of taking life and giving life, of coming and going. And he does, you know, in Dogen's word, where he says, you know, we are the birds in the sky and the fish in the water, and we have all this huge element, but the moment we leave it, we'll die. And obviously, in some ways, we have left it. But not only environmentally, but also, and we can feel that, can't we? You know, the moment we have left it, it feels awful. So to go back and to remind ourselves what a large element we have, and we don't need to leave it, and it can be

[39:06]

expansive, can be small, can be, you can completely disappear in it and we can bring us up again. Like in every Zazen period, you know, we experience all kinds of things and all of a sudden, oh, you know, ah, still there. My name is, oh, yeah. And then we exit, put in the gear and go on our ways. And on this continuum, we live of being whoever we are, and making our decisions, and having the choice to move to the other side and see things in a broader sense. And all this happens on this small space, and of course together with Sangha. And I think we can be very lucky, even though we are in deep trouble.

[40:07]

So, nothing to fear about. Thank you very much. Would you like to take some questions from people from Zendo and people online? If you would like to ask a question or to make a comment, please raise your digital hand and you will be called on. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm interested in knowing even though it may be too soon to ask this question about how this whole last week is landing with you and your reading is still digesting. Could you say something about what it's been like this last week?

[41:15]

Yeah. It's been joyful. It felt like, you know, closing or finishing a circle, and almost immediately starting another one, just about, and the image itself I don't see, like I can only see it's the beginning, first movement of the brush, if you say. There's responsibility, but also there's confidence that a little bit and bring down to whether, you know, I will be able to live up to that, to continue and to adjust to the different phases and, you know, particularly for my life.

[42:31]

practice will show. And up to now there were times where it was sometimes difficult to hold my landscape. So now, you know, Hodan said the robe will now cover everything. I am confident this will happen. Yeah. And one more things maybe I didn't or we didn't so much think about before. We have this connection to Workplace and Centre, but now it's a much stronger connection. And that's really nice. Yes, please. I would like to go back to the Korean koan, and you said that the tiger feared the human's kindness, and I didn't really understand that, and I didn't know if you explained that, or at least I didn't get it.

[43:46]

What is it that he fears? Our kindness that we are kind, that we aren't kind? I mean, to me, we aren't kind. The human fears the tiger's kindness. The tiger is the kind one, because he's the one who stays in his element. We fear him, which of course, as you are right to say, it's not the first attribute we would apply to a tiger, right? Yeah. Okay, so that's because he stays in his element? I think that's one possible answer, yeah, because he knows, he takes not what is not given, he knows his, you know, he follows his dream and doesn't act

[44:52]

go out and let's happen. You know, we always tend to interfere and to know better. However, you know, there is no better guide than nature. And with all its wiseness, we constantly correct and try to know better. And now we see where this brings us to. I thank you for your talk. And penetrating into fears, it's opened up some very sore places for me. and you talk about antidotes, and one of them is gratitude.

[45:53]

And can you say a little more about the other antidotes? I forget what they are now. Yeah. Well, you know, gratitude in the... But not about gratitude. That's one you remember, right? I remember that one. Yeah. Well, the Sangha. Yeah. Because we're all in this together. Zazen, because you can always return to your breath. And of course not only Zazen here in the Zen, but also outside, because this is what we practice here in order to continue our meditation outside of the Zen. Confidence and hope. Yeah.

[46:55]

Hi, good morning. Thank you. I'm very interested in your work, your medical work, and how it integrates with your practice. Coincidentally, my mom has stage four cancer, and my sister and I are taking good care of her. Also, coincidentally, she's from Germany, from BFF. And over the last several months, I've been aware or conscious of a lot of deep learning and deep practicing. or deep practice and deep insights through supporting her, you know, filling out a form or helping her up and down the stairs or helping her get dressed. I'm aware of some deep transformation happening within me. And then I go home and I sit on my cushion and I try to maintain a formal, somewhat formal practice. And I know there must be, but there's still a gap for me too between trying to maintain a semblance of a practice despite all the stress and everything.

[47:58]

And then actually doing this work for her and finding it actually pretty spiritually enriching. But there's this gap, and I wonder if you could speak to that in your experience with other family members that are taking care of their loved ones. How can one sort of integrate the home practice with the service for one's Well, I'm sure that Sojun, who, you know, always was Zazen, he would say, this is your practice. You know, helping her get dressed is your practice. And that's your Zazen practice. Zazen is not just sitting in the Zendo. That's actually... can be a relief, a pause, a break from the often more complex practice like the one you're doing.

[49:07]

Emotionally, certainly, because normally the mother is taking care of the child and not at your age taking care of your mother. Usually that comes a couple of decades later. So, you know, and to feel what she's feeling and feel what you both are feeling in that all the tenderness and the softness and the communication and the legacy she's giving you by letting her comb her hair get her things, and that's your practice. It's about the very best practice you can do at this moment. And there's no better practice.

[50:09]

And, you know, there might even be a time where sitting still might be impossible or very hard. so you know we can always always do walking meditation and it doesn't have to be the way we do it here in the zen though it can be just coordinating because that's you know people might look and all that but it can uh can be a little bit faster you can hold your hands in shashu or don't but you the point is you um harmonize your breath with your movement. That's walking meditation, basically. And that can be very soothing because sometimes moving is more soothing than sitting still. And to the best of your both abilities,

[51:18]

make the most of the time you have and you know not always that's like the ideal the palliative care ideal that we get everything done and checked but just being with her and going together and floating as long as you can so that's your practice And you don't need a bridge, because you practice here. Neither the Buddha nor Sojourn Roshi said we should leave it here. Dogen has this triangle. This is our park position. And then we dive out. you know, we have to say something.

[52:21]

That's what you do. You tend to her. And I'm sure, due to your practice, you know, you've already modified the ways you are with her. And you see more views, like, you know, the soft colors she's sending to you. because language also changes, and so you're doing the best you can. And being a very good son, she's certainly very proud of you. And that's what this practice is about, to become fully human. So Jung called that mensch. That's why we are doing this here, to apply it.

[53:23]

That's the Bodhisattva's work. And there is no right or wrong. Of course, you might feel dense at times, because we have also other lives, right? We need to get other things done. And that's actually the hard part, always balance is the hard part, to try to equilibrate, you know, your other life, work, family, whatever, with what you feel time for your mother is needed. And there might be an afternoon where you consciously say, I'm staying at home. This is for my children or whatever. And she'll understand. The last thing she wants is to put away on you and then she will be happy you come again. So to loosen your grip a little bit would be my recommendation.

[54:34]

You have a question online from Kabir. Kabir unmute yourself and ask your question. Hi, thank you for your great talk. Hi. Hello. Finding, remembering gratitude and confidence in the midst of rage. Any tips or suggestions? Well, rage is, you know, the most prevalent emotion I encounter in my professional life is rage. But what is below the rage? Fear. Or grief. Which they are related. So to look below the rage. What is it that makes me fume?

[55:40]

Because Of course also, as you know, Sojourn was very furious at some times. But in the precepts, you know, it says not staying there. Of course you can have a peek and then you cool again. But staying in that rage, and that rage has a loop, and you know, it's constantly, and then something else happens, and you start all over again, and then you tell somebody, and the room is raging, and all that. So, to look below, what is the cause of the rage? And, you know, all the suffering in the world, my suffering. I think it's always good practice. You know, this is all about myself. It's not selfish. Because the world is myself.

[56:42]

So to own it in a way. Because your question was the rage in terms of, in relationship to the turmoil. Now what turmoil? There's my inner turmoil. Yeah. i think we need thank you very much thank you so thank you Thank you.

[57:37]

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