Well, I want to start by just saying how happy I am to get to be here together with all of you. I was thinking this morning what a special... And just what a wonderful thing it is to get to gather and practice together on a day like this. So many conditions, so many variables, so many circumstances have to line up for us to be together on a day that all we're doing is expressing the awakening of the Buddhas.

[01:13]

It's the fruit of a lot of effort, a lot of work and intention. We need the abbot and the Sashin director and the Tenzo and the servers, the Doanryo, takes all of us together to do this. We create a space and we create a time, a ceremonial space, a ceremonial time. And then we get to enter it and be carried along by it. And that's really, really special. So today is a one-day sit, and a day like this is ordered in a particular way.

[02:19]

It's arranged in a particular way. We make a certain set of commitments. We agree that when the bell rings... We're going to be very, very still and upright until the bell rings again. We agree to hold our hands in particular ways. We agree to chant and walk and work and eat together in this ordered, arranged, intentional way. And that's its power. That's the power of a day like this. Something really important, something really powerful happens when we enter a space like that together. So thinking of some of the words we might use.

[03:27]

The day is ordered. It is arranged. It is intended. It is built. It is created. You could say that it's regulated. My friend and an important teacher for me, Hozan, the second abbot of this temple, wrote this book that many of you know, Turning Words, Transformative Encounters with Buddhist Teachers. I really like this book. I'm really happy that I was able to tell Hozan before he died. He knew how much I liked this book. Sometimes when we lose someone, you realize there's ways they were great that you forgot to tell them, you know?

[04:35]

But he knew, because he knew I really liked this book. And I liked it because it's his stories, right? It's his stories. It's the stories of his practice. I'm going to tell you one of the stories that he tells in here. This is a story, many of you will know this. It's a story about Master Sheng Yen, the great... a Chan teacher. And he opens by, you know, Ron Nestor used to sit with Master Sheng Yen in New York. And so Hozan invited Sheng Yen to, or BCC, invited Sheng Yen to give a talk here sometime that he was on the West Coast. So this is from the book. This must have been in 1989 on a weekday evening.

[05:38]

The zendo was full. Sojin Roshi was in his abbot's seat. Linda Roshi is. Master Sheng Yan lectured from the teacher's seat. That's this one. As is often the case then and now, I have no recollection of his talk. It was followed by questions and answers from the gathered students. Lori asked one of those archetypical Zen questions, what is the most important thing for a lay practitioner to remember? The master answered, regulate your life. Hozan says, for 30 years since, I've been trying to regulate my life. Hozan loved this story, and I love how much Hozan loved this story. It would come up, it was one of his references, you know, it would come up in talks, it would come up in conversation.

[06:46]

My feeling is that it was really meaningful to him, that there was nourishment or inspiration in this idea that you would... that part of what we do in practice is we regulate our life. And I think it must have helped him in some way. And I think that because he offered it to us, to help us. Regulate your life. A day like today, we regulate. It's so important, you know? It's so valuable. And so with a lot of appreciation for this teaching that mattered so much to Hozan, it's also true that this teaching is only one side, is only one side of our practice. And today I wanted to hold that side, the side that we regulate, together with the other side, the side we can't

[07:58]

There's a side that can't be ordered and can't be arranged. To be clear, this isn't an argument with either Sheng Yen or Hozan. Neither of them were saying this was the only side. But today I just want to to lift them up together. What we regulate and maybe what we can't regulate. So there's another old story. This is a story about Dongshan. Tozan Ryokai. Tozan Ryokai Daio Sho. and his disciple Shen Shan.

[09:00]

So one day, when Shen Shan had picked up a needle to mend clothes, the master asked, what are you doing? Mending, answered Shen Shan. In what way do you mend? asked the master. One stitch is like the next, said Shen Shan. What are you doing? Mending. In what way do you mend? One stitch is like the next. So I don't know how you hear this part of the story, but I hear this as regulating. It is ordered. It is planned. It is intended. It is arranged. One stitch is like the next. It's structured. This is what I'm going to do in the same way each time. And that's part of our practice, right? The doshi approaches the altar at the same spot in the Heart Sutra every time.

[10:07]

One stitch is like the next. It's a really important part of our practice. And a day like today, we can feel it, right? It's an organized day. We're not just doing whatever we want all day, right? That's its power. And there's... There's more. What are you doing? Mending. In what way do you mend? One stitch is like the next. We've been traveling together for 20 years, and you can still say such a thing? How can there be such craftiness, said the master. There's another translation. How can you be so clueless? The point is, Dongshan doesn't like it. Dongshan doesn't like it. One stitch is like the next. Maybe has some feeling of... You can think about it. Too much rigidity or something? How can you still say such a thing?

[11:14]

How then does the venerable monk mend? Asked Shenshan. Just as though the entire earth were spewing flame. replied the Master, just as though the entire earth were spewing flame. So like all of these old beautiful stories in our tradition, you can turn this a lot of different ways, you can feel into it from a lot of different angles, but it seems to me that Dongshan is pointing to something that doesn't feel regulated or arranged or ordered. Maybe less subject to our control or our will. Maybe something wilder or more powerful than that. What are you doing? Mending.

[12:16]

In what way do you mend? One stitch is like the next. Strong disapproval. Well, in what way do you mend? just as though the entire earth were spewing flame. There's a little bit of a digression. I just, I can't help making now because every time I think of this story, it actually reminds me, and I love this story. I love this story about Dongshan and Shenshan. Every time I think of it, it reminds me of another story from a very different tradition. And in a tradition really that I don't know very much about, but I have been moved for a long time by the stories of the desert fathers and mothers and the Christian contemplative tradition. This is kind of the roots of Christian monasticism and the third century in Egypt. Maybe some of you came across this book in your...

[13:20]

practice life as well, but there's this Thomas Merton book called The Wisdom of the Desert. That's the first place I sort of encountered these, well, they feel like koans, these little exchanges between teachers and students in a very different tradition than ours. But I just can't help it. If I'm going to tell this Dongshan story, I have to tell you this other story. It's just so good. Abbot Lott came to Abbot Joseph and said, Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule and my little fast, my prayer, meditation, and contemplative silence. And according as I am able, I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts. Now what more should I do? It feels to me like it's regulated. A person has a regulated practice. I keep my fast, I keep my prayers, I keep my meditation. These are the practices of that Community, right?

[14:23]

Now what more should I do? This is so good. The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven and his fingers became like 10 lamps of fire. He said, why not be totally changed into fire? Just as though the entire earth were spewing flame. There is something wilder, more powerful. You could say in a way something that is less subject to our control in our practice. A monk asked an old master, when hundreds, thousands or myriads of objects come all at once, What should be done? The master replied, don't try to control them. Don't try to control them.

[15:26]

The deep, deep part of our practice, which is about not controlling what comes, not trying to order it or arrange it or subject it to our will or manipulation or control. When hundreds, thousands, or myriads of objects come all at once, what should be done? Don't try to control them. Dogen Zenji, the founder of our tradition in Japan, tells this story. Hundreds, thousands, myriads of objects come, what should be done? Don't try to control them. Dogen writes, What he means is that in whatever way objects come, do not try to change them. Whatever comes is the Buddha Dharma, not objects at all.

[16:29]

Do not understand the Master's reply as merely a brilliant admonition, but realize that it is the truth. Even if you try to control what comes, it cannot be controlled. Even if you try to control what comes, it cannot be controlled. So this is the balance, I think, in our practice. A day like today, we do put in a lot of effort, actually, to carefully We arouse an intention to enter a ritual space. And ritual, there's a structure there or a framework.

[17:35]

But life can't be controlled. It can't be regulated. It is beyond all our frameworks. And thinking about these things, I came across a talk by Josho Pat Phelan, who many of you must know her. She was a disciple of Sojin Roshi's, was at the San Francisco Zen Center for decades, I think. is the abbot at the Chapel Hill Sun Center. I have only met her a few times. What happened is, I knew that Dogen referenced this story about when hundreds, thousands of things come, don't try to control them, but I couldn't remember what fascicle it was in. So in Google, I typed in, when hundreds, thousands, myriads of objects come, don't try to control them, Dogen, and then I hit return.

[18:44]

And the first thing that came up was this talk by Jojo. And it's really good. It's really, really good. She, in a way more clearly than I am, said what I've been trying to say. And so I wanted to read you some parts of her wonderful talk. You could look it up. It's called Intention and Control in Practice. You can find it online. She says the practice of Zazen or Zen meditation involves finding a balance between our will to practice and our willingness to allow practice to happen. Our will to practice and our willingness to allow practice to happen. We need both the will or determination to practice as well as the willingness to give up our expectations of what we want practice to be.

[19:53]

Discipline is necessary to get ourselves onto the cushion day after day, especially in the beginning, and once there to maintain an upright position. Self-discipline and effort and energy are one side of practice, the side we consciously work on. But we need to balance our conscious effort by letting go of our hopes, our expectations and goals, so that once we are on the cushion, we can open to our wider, less conscious areas our deeper intention. Isn't that great? You need the discipline or the effort or the energy to show up, to do this together. But then once we're here, again, we balance our conscious effort by letting go of our hopes, our expectations and goals. We can open to our wider, less conscious areas, our deeper intention.

[21:01]

That's the intention we don't even really know we have, the intention we can't even fully articulate. Yeah. It's another paragraph I want to read in Josho's talk. She says, so our effort to be present needs to be balanced with our trust in practice. So you could say, yeah, our discipline and our letting go are our effort and our trust. If we try too hard to be alert, we can become tense and on guard. Our consciousness will be directed by our thinking mind. When this happens, a rigidity sets in. and our field of practice narrows to what we think we can control.

[22:03]

We need to find a way to allow a relaxed quality and a sense of ease in our body and mind. When we are actually engaged in zazen, our will and our willingness are finely tuned, our effort and ease are integrated. This is what is meant by effortless effort. This made me very happy when I read this next sentence. The 20th century Chinese master Sheng Yen. Google, it just takes you. Sheng Yen said that one of the most important things in practicing meditation is to be relaxed. Isn't that great? So one day he got up and said, regulate your life. So helpful for our friend, Hozan. So helpful for many of us. We've heard that teaching, regulate your life.

[23:05]

And another day he got up and said the most important thing is to relax. And you can feel that, right? Those are the two sides. That's what we're doing together on a day like this. The most important thing is to be relaxed. Read just one little bit more from Josho. Our experience is not repeatable. This moment will never come back and can never be recreated. Yet our practice is to sit zazen and repeat the same activity over and over. Remember, each stitch is like the next. Repeat the same activity over and over. We should try to sit with the same strength of purpose, the same enjoyment, as if this period of zazen were the only zazen we will ever sit, as if the whole earth were spewing flame.

[24:18]

As if this period of zazen were the only zazen we will ever sit, maybe as if we were on our way to the guillotine. This is the only zazen we can sit right now. We can't be more awake in the zazen we sat yesterday, and we can't settle our body and mind now for tomorrow's zazen. This moment is the only moment we are alive in. This breath is the only breath we breathe. So in our practice, together today we've created a structure, created a framework. We bring forth a certain set of commitments and intentions.

[25:24]

Every time we come in for zazen, we bow to our cushion and then we turn to the right and we bow to the room. before we sit down for zazen every time we've taken that up. We have to do that. We have to make that effort. We have to say, this is the form, this is the structure, this is the container, this is the framework. And then it's also possible on a day like this, after we've taken that framework up, to let it go, to just let it go. We let it drop away completely, like leaves falling off a branch. One more old story.

[26:34]

A monk asked Yunmen, How is it when the tree withers and the leaves fall? How is it when the leaves fall away? How is it when everything we've taken up, we let go of? Have to have a structure, otherwise we wouldn't be here together doing this, right? And feel the encouragement, the intention, the work that goes into creating the structure. It's so important. and then we can let it go. How is it when the tree withers and the leaves fall? Yun-men said, body exposed in the golden wind. Body exposed in the golden wind. When we are exposed, we are vulnerable. We are without our usual defenses.

[27:41]

So, so often, in dramatic ways or in subtle ways, I am defending or explaining or justifying or protecting who I think I am. This idea of myself, what would it be like to allow myself to be exposed to the golden wind. No defending, because there's actually nothing to defend. There's actually nothing to justify. There's just an in-breath, and then there's an out-breath. There's a bird calling.

[28:47]

There's someone figuring out where the batteries are. Body exposed to the golden wind. Complete.

[29:02]

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