Good morning. Good morning. It's wonderful to be sitting here with all of you today. Is there anyone here for the first time? Wonderful. So glad you're here. And we won't have social time with tea and cookies afterwards, but we'll resume that next week. And for those of you on the set, we'll do it after to say hello. So I'm Linda. I'm currently the abiding teacher here. And I want to share some of the things that have been most alive for me in the last couple of weeks. I've been away for much of the last couple of weeks. Not this past week, but the week before, I went down with a number of other people to Tassara for the ceremony to inter Sochi Roshi's ashes. Sojun is one of our two founders, Suzuki Roshi and Sojun Roshi.

[01:06]

And we haven't been able to do that for a long time. Sojun died in early 2021 during the pandemic. And there were many things that made it difficult for that. But finally found the right stone for his memorial. A beautiful, large, round, grayish-white stone. river rock. It's so rounded and beautiful. And managed to get it finally up to the ashes site, the memorial site, which is partly, well, it's on top of a hill. It's very mountainous country, so it's like very steep trail. And they got it up there because we've been hosting wildland firefighters to do retreats at Tassajaro. just for them. It's extremely demanding work, and there's a lot of trauma in that community. They're so relentlessly giving of their bodies, of their whole bodies and minds, to taking care of the wilderness.

[02:15]

And their work is just getting harder and harder, so it's so wonderful to be able to offer that. And when they were there, they're like, oh yeah, we'd love to do that. So they did. They had this very I don't understand exactly how, but we got it up there and we got it installed. And underneath, so there's the stone, and then in front of it is a low, flat stone, almost as wide as the main stone that can be used as an altar space. And underneath the large stone in the back was dug out a chamber. and reinforced with rock all around it, and the chamber is for the ashes. And it was put there, the ashes were put there during that ceremony. So I think many, but not most of you, certainly not most of you looking around today, have some have been to Tassajara and some have not, so I'll set the scene a little bit because I want to talk some about the ceremony.

[03:28]

So Tasahara is at the bottom of a very steep mountain valley, about nine miles directly inland east from the Big Sur coast. And there's a creek at the bottom and one up on top of this first hill going up the mountains is a fairly small space, about less than half of this room where the memorial site for Suzuki Roshi is. Kadgiri Roshi and Sojin, and eventually Beko Roshi and Tenshin Roshi will be up there, and that will be just the people that Suzuki Roshi directly ordained himself. So there was a procession going up with all the things we'd be needing for the ceremony. In a long line, all people who have received entrustment, who have received transmission of the lineage from Soship Roshi, and for whom he was their teacher, and lay entrusted teachers as well, all in this long, slow procession winding up from the mountainside.

[04:50]

And when we got up there, The stone had been covered by a large white cloth, and white is the color for death in Japan. So Norman Fisher was the doshi, was the officiating priest for the ceremony, and when we came up, he did various offerings and removed the cloth And then he made this statement that really moved me and I wanted to share with you. We are keenly aware that birth and death give way to each other. Day and night, cold and heat, all things turn and turn by opposition, coming like a lightning flash in the black sky. going like waves calming on a great sea.

[05:55]

Today our great teacher, Akuryu Sojan Dayosha, white dragon, essence of purity, lineage source, teacher of teachers, holder of the Dharma seat for half a century, faithful disciple of his teacher, our founder, Suzuki Shiryu Daisho, husband, father, friend and support in this Saha world, whose dharmon life connects us all, everywhere, newly returns to the source. His karmic conditions are exhausted. His long lifespan has ended. Understanding the impermanence of all things, he enters nirvana in peace, returning to the earth from which he originated, his spirit spreading forth throughout all directions and times.

[07:03]

We nominated incense offering and used wisdom water to purify the space There's a portrait of Sojun set on the altar and a memorial tablet like this one. And then Norman recited another statement, a traditional statement. And then the ashes were put under the stone in that chamber. And there was a large paper cone, about this tall, coming down to an opening about an inch wide, maybe a foot or so wide at the top. And the ashes were poured in, and they settled underneath the stone. And after that was added salt

[08:17]

water, rice, and earth under the stone with the ashes. All the elements are there together with Sojin's ashes. And then there was just a long silence. A space held for everyone to be with that moment, to be with Sojin, There have been a number of memorials and processes over time, and this was the final one. And for some people it was, I think, just a moment of closure, and for others, I could really feel the grief, the loss, the finality. And these ceremonies,

[09:19]

are so powerful, and they really help us navigate the birth and death of one another, as well as the birth and death on each moment of our own lives. And then we chanted the Dahi Shindarani, and we chanted it, I think, three or four times, as every person there, there were maybe 30 people there, I think, Each one came up and ladled water on top of the stone as an offload. All of this was slow and sickly. And then there was a dedication, and that was the end. You hope this was finished.

[10:19]

So I've been thinking about ancestors a lot lately because of this. And I wanted to share a little bit from the new book of Suzuki Roshi's teachings called Becoming Yourself. That was edited by Sojin and Jiryu, Abit Jiryu, which I learned at Kru Gajpan. This chapter is called The Great Sages Are You Yourself. If you can express yourself fully while sitting in zazen without dreaming of anything, that is the actual practice that includes everything. If you have that practice, Buddha is with you. Bodhidharma is with you.

[11:26]

and every sage should be with you. At that time, who is Christ? Who is Buddha? Who is Bodhidharma? Who is Dogen? Who are they? They are you, yourself. How is it possible for Buddha or the great sages to exist forever? The only way is for them to exist with us. The only way for them is to exist with us. When you think about the sages, they are with you in some form, and when you do not think about them, they are also with you. This point should not be forgotten. When you think about the sages, they are with you in some form. And when you do not think about them, they are also with you.

[12:27]

Don't forget. You may think that the sages are only with you when you have their image in mind. Maybe your idea of them in mind. How do we all practice with the sages, with the ancestors? We read their texts, we chant their names. And how often do we remember that we're not separate from them, that they are here with us, that they haven't gone anywhere exactly? You may think that the sages are only with you when you have their image in mind, But the real being, the real being is always with you, even when you do not think about them.

[13:33]

That is the actual truth. You think they are not always there, but that is a very shallow materialistic understanding. It is not sincere enough. I love that. You know, we think that a person, an ancestor, a being, is only here in the body. That's what it means by materialistic. It's not like you're talking crap well in your grasp, but it's in your grasp material, in manifestation. But it's... The reverberations of each being's being goes throughout space and time. That's why we practice remembering ancestors so that they're alive, so that we can bring them with us in a conscious way, maybe be with us.

[14:36]

Then he says, you put the great sages in a book and put the book in a bookcase. But if you do not put them in a bookcase, they are always with you. You think they're just a few words, a few teachings, in a book, and you put it on the shelf. I like that. A bookcase. A closed book. You do not do that. They're always with you. They're always alive. They're always in your heart. You may think you have not met them yet, but As we continue to wake up, we continue to meet the ancestors. We recognize them in surprising ways. And the reading them, holding them in our minds is also important because we may remember their words and what didn't make sense will make sense.

[15:53]

Oh, yes. It's like, can you explain it to me? No, I cannot explain it to you, but I do understand. Something has been touched. Maybe later you can understand it and explain it too, but it's not the most important thing. It's just to keep touching it. If you understand the great sages in this way, oh no, I wasn't going to read that part. And I was also thinking about one of Dogen's classicals called , where he says, Buddhas and ancestors of old were as we, we in the future shall be Buddhas and ancestors, revering Buddhas and ancestors, putting them up.

[16:59]

above us, bowing down to them. We are one Buddha and ancestor. Separate, not separate. Together. Awakening Bodhi mind, we are one Bodhi mind. Because they extend their compassion to us freely and without limit. Ancestors shared their compassion with us, and it has not stopped. Still, still, their compassion is being shared. Can I explain that to you? I cannot. I cannot understand it for myself, but I also know it and feel it and touch it. The presence of the ancestors. I feel in Sojin Roshi, and I never met Suzuki Roshi, but It feels as if kiboshi through sanction, and it goes on back and back and back.

[18:01]

It goes back to Buddha, and then when we chant the Buddhas and ancestors, it starts with the seven Buddhas before Buddha. It's all just touching into truth, being, reality, whatever name is alive for you. Because they extend our compassion to us freely and without limit, without the limit of a body, without the limit of nobody, we are able to attain Buddhahood and let go of the attainment. Therefore, the Chan Master Lumya said, Those who in past lives were not enlightened will now be enlightened. In this life, save the body, which is the fruit of many lives.

[19:04]

Before Buddhists were enlightened, they were the same as we. Enlightened people of today are exactly the sons of old. Before Buddhists were enlightened, they were the same as we. I find that so encouraging to remember. Because I know how I am, and it's not always enlightened. For sure, there's those moments. Yeah. I have an idea about what I think enlightenment is, or awakening is, and what it looks like. What I think I should look like. And the ancestors also struggled greatly and deeply. Maybe the difference is that they never gave up. They never stopped. So in addition to their inner struggles,

[20:22]

They also had outer struggles, struggles with people, other monks in the monastery or their students, but also great troubles in the world at different times, many persecutions of Buddhism over the centuries. And as Buddhism moved from place to place, country to country, culture to culture, it had to adapt, sometimes in very difficult ways. Buddhism came to China. They had to figure out how they were going to eat because they couldn't beg. It wasn't something that was supported. So how are they going to make work and growing food Zen? How are they going to make it practice? So this past week, Colleen and Greg and I all went to the Branching Streams Conference.

[21:26]

The Branching Streams Conference is kind of like a big family gathering, sort of a biannual reunion, although who's there is always rotating, of Suzuki Roshi lineage sanghas and people from it. And this year it was in Chicago. about 46 people from 23 different sanghas. And it really is like meeting all the cousins. You know, cousins who knew, cousins you haven't met yet. Teachers were there, and a lot of students, a lot of lay people. And it's more diverse than I'd seen it before, which was encouraging for many of us. in various ways, a number of people as well as older, a number of queer and trans and non-binary folks, a lot of women, twice as many women as men, and more BIPOC folks than I've seen in the past, certainly at these gatherings.

[22:50]

We still have a long way to go, but it's nice to see the progress too. So we did a different model this year. It was also done two years ago. I wasn't able to attend one. And I want to share some with you because it has so much to do with adapting to each culture and each time going forward. The model is called open space technology. I wasn't familiar with that. It's a very different way of having a conference rather than having it planned ahead and there's presentations in the breakout rooms. There's process and there's a theme. And the process is you all gather together and there's a a grid on the wall.

[23:55]

There were 24 boxes, each one was about this big, it was all taped off. And down one side were the breakout rooms, and across the top were four time slots, two in the afternoon. So we're going to share the, and we heard the theme of the conference ahead of time, and it was, Bridging and belonging. Living a Zen life in the midst of conflict. So that's what the group that organized the conference thought was most relevant for people, and they reached out and talked to folks, and that certainly had a lot of resonance within the room. So the next thing that happened, this was a, I wondered if this was actually going to work, because the form is, okay, anyone who wants to host a breakout room come up to this table in the middle of the circle and write your topic and your name on a piece of paper and go post it off the grid.

[24:57]

When you want to do it and when you want to do it. And there was a long silence. Is anyone going to do this? But I think everyone knew that it had worked last year, so we had some faith in it two years ago. And then the post-its started going up. And we grouped some of them that were... very aligned. And then they wrecked them out. We took a little break. And then you went to whatever group you were interested in. And you found your own way in the moment. So it was very much what was alive in the moment. And I thought, oh, and they read the principles of open space. And they had posters of this. Whoever comes are the right people. whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Whenever it starts is the right time. When it's over, it's over.

[26:00]

And there was another sign that said, be prepared to be surprised. And I thought, not half of these are like great instructions for practice. Probably not the ones whenever it starts is the right time. When it's over, it's over. That's definitely so. and be prepared to be surprised. So, yeah, there was a lot of space given for you could move between groups. You didn't have to stay put. If you're finding it wasn't resident, you could leave, and there was no insult. So there was just a lot of freedom. And I wanted to share... I wanted to share with you what the discussion topics were because it really brought up a lot of the things that have been that are alive within Zen now throughout the country it's like all over the country and I really relate to quite a lot of them connection through

[27:22]

Zazen and ritual. Work. Navigating generational change. Because many temples have forms and schedules and a whole container of practice that have evolved over many years and the needs of many of the people who come are different today and that it's just that people don't stay in one place for so long or are able to come you know, three or four days during the week or to come to every one day sit, you know, people's thoughts are harder for the most part, more complicated. There's more going on. So how do we meet people where they are and what will that look like? What will the forms look like as well as anything else? Big open question. Continuing in the absence of the founder, making space for intensive caregiving. Practice and partners, pluses and minuses, whether your partner is also practicing with you in the same place or not.

[28:35]

Pluses and minuses on both sides. Didn't go to that group, but I heard it was very sweet and very real. The next one was called cloud and ground. In other words, the online, the Zoom, in the cloud, and on the ground, in person. Different and same, benefits and challenges, and whether it worked well. A lot about communication, structures for working in conflict, transparency when difficult and painful situations arise in the saga. What do you say? How? We're not living in a monastery, so the world is our monastery. And how do we have bodhisattva activity in the world?

[29:41]

Off the cushion, as well as coming here and being able to sit. And Engaged Buddhism, I think, had the single largest emphasis. More people came to like an opening session, you know, for one session of that, you know, various follow-up ones. One aspect of that is how, you know, how to weave that together, engage Buddhism and traditional practices and teachings who are not. There are so many different needs to navigate in what people want to hear and don't want to hear from the Dharma seat, and how does that play out? There was one that was making visible what has been overlooked and not included, and some other topics related to that were around race, neurodiversity, practice with every body, every mind, trauma-informed Zen,

[30:49]

prison dharma practice, Gaza and genocide. So, I've been thinking a lot of, just in the last few days, Colleen, who was at the conference, and I were both very inspired by this. We even started having fantasies about hosting in the Bay Area in two years. We'll see what happens with that. I thought this is such a great model for just having conversations with people, you know, just to talk and to find your own way. These weren't facilitated. It's just people who are interested in doing something. And the sizes of groups, I did look up OpenSpace afterwards a little bit, and it said you could do this with groups between 20 and several hundred. Wow. That's amazing.

[31:51]

And there's not... Outcomes may arise that that's not actually the point. The point is just to be together and hear each other and to share and to be heard. And that just went really well. So we'll see if anything emerges from that. And if anyone wants to Let me know your thoughts on what you wish there were conversations about. Please do. You can do it in person. You can find my email pretty easily. We are there on the website. So these are the things we're kind of navigating in the world. And I call them in. It's actually cheating. calling them in, and then sending them back out.

[32:53]

So having named them, I want to come back to Zaza. The last paragraph of the Ehikosa, that means fascicle, Right after, he says, before Buddhas were enlightened, they were the same as we. Enlightened people of today are exactly as those of all. And he says, quietly explore the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions, as this practice is the exact transmission of a verified Buddha. quietly explore the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions, as this practice is the exact transmission of a verified Buddha.

[34:03]

This is what we do. This is our practice. One never fails to receive profound help from all Buddhas and ancestors. This is the pure and simple color of true practice, of the true mind of faith, of the true body of faith. Zubi Roshi also says, Our way is the so-called Soto way, not the Rinzai way. We say Soto way, but actually, our way is nothing but how to get rid of the confusion and suffering in our life. In plain words. Our way... is nothing but how to get rid of the confusion and suffering in our love. The Soto way puts more emphasis on Zazen.

[35:06]

Zazen, Zazen, Zazen. Zazen means that you have to be yourself. The way to be yourself is to take care of how you treat yourself, including your various desires. It is how you treat your painful legs, How you have good posture. How you let your breathing be smooth. He talks about being yourself. It's not acting out. But I like this. The point is to learn how to be yourself. How to be a person in the way that a stone is completely a stone. How can you be yourself? Like a stone is completely a stone. Thank you very much.

[36:25]

I think we have a little time for questions. Thank you, Linda. I am wondering if it sounds a little bit like there's sort of trying to add in some flow or something.

[37:26]

I'm not really sure if I'm using the best word, but I think what I want to know is when we start adjusting things and going with what's needed now as opposed to what was needed in the past, how do we not let our desires get in the way of practice? For example, I come here and I sit and I sit for 40 minutes and then I sit for another 20 in the mornings. And I do that because when I started coming here, that was the structure. And so I am able to do that. There have been plenty of times and there still are now when I'm thinking, oh my gosh, what time is it? Am I going to stay or am I going to leave? And if we start... Shifting things, how do we keep our desires to want what we want, to get what we want, out of the way of this training, this practice of, I guess, staying?

[38:38]

That's a great question. How do we keep our desires and wanting things to be the way we want them? from getting in the way of our practice, our training. I think in one way we can't stop them from getting in the way, but we don't have to get stuck on them getting in the way. Just as when you have the thought, am I going to stay or am I going to go now? It's both getting in the way of just sitting zazen, in that moment. And then the moment passes and you haven't gotten up. And then you're back. So I think it rises and passes in a practice sense. But overall, very carefully and with a lot of consideration.

[39:44]

A part of it is just what can we do? What are we able to do? with the people that we have, who are here in this moment. Things need to be... And what's the heart of it? Like, what is really the heart? Because there are different forms. Like, if you start going to different songwriters, you realize the forms are different, the way they do it is different, the chants are a little different. Everything is a little different. It is... You could say it's by preference, but it's also by felt sense that who gets to decide is finding some balance between making it available for people and accessible. Well, ultimately, whatever we can touch is the heart of the teaching, which I think part of why...

[40:49]

Suzuki Roshi's teachings have spread so widely is because he had such a warm-hearted way. He really loved people, and he really wanted to share zazen and zen and practice. And he just kept working to figure out. Can you imagine, in the 60s, all these hippies who didn't know anything? And he just kept loving them and teaching by example. and kept introducing because it was a time when there was a lot of growth available. So what happens when you need to do less? Like one of the things was making space for intensive caregiving or having a child or having to take a second job or your own illness or whatever it is. How do we make space? Yes?

[41:52]

I have an example. Okay. So this morning, I was the kin-him leader. So we went out, and I thought I waited, and we went out and started walking. Then I noticed there were people coming first who came towards us, and someone else came from a different direction. And then there were a group of people. We were going this way, and a group of people was going that way. And, I mean, I started laughing, but when I saw people going different, directions, I started thinking, uh-oh, that isn't usually what happens. And so something like that, is that the kind, and there's a part of me that thinks, I mean, I did, it was pretty funny at one point when there was a whole line coming, but I did think, is this the kind of thing we would care to have structure around or wouldn't we? And that's more I think that that, when I listen to you, I think that that's part of it is because I always liked it that we had this, you know, particular way of doing this and we all went the same direction.

[43:03]

And I just started thinking maybe there's nothing wrong with it being more haphazard, but how is that, is that the thing that supports a practice? And so it's just that, exactly that. How much structure, how much form supports the practice, and how many people does it take to make that happen? And does it matter? And does it matter? Exactly. So I'm not bringing this. I'm naming something that's happening. We have a beautiful one-day sit. It's a little smaller than usual. We had some people that we're used to having in key roles. at the last night not be able to come for a whole variety of reasons. So we're dancing with it. We're adjusting to it. There's a number of people who are here for the first time and have not sat here before. So figuring out, how are we going to do this?

[44:06]

For one thing, we have to feed people. How are we going to do that? So it's really, it's pretty great that we now have this edge of practice that we haven't had for a long time. How do we do this dance? How do we include new people in the dance? How do we include people, all kinds of people in the dance and make them feel welcome and not get too tight on our side? Many years ago, I was in New England and was taken to a a line dance with live music, which was amazing. And they were all really good dancers. And all I had to do was just basically not fall down because they throw you from one person to the next and spin you around. And I'm like, this is so great because they can tell I'm the only person here who doesn't know what's going on.

[45:08]

So it was great. I was just completely held in that space. But if half the people had never been there before, they would be doing a different dance. It wouldn't be that dance. But that doesn't mean that it can't be a beautiful dance and very connecting. So what's the dance that we're going to do together? This is one of many questions. It's just like, yeah, what can we do? What are we up for? And for those of us who've been around for long enough to have some attachment, positive, tender, there's no less sticky attachment to forms and the way we've done things. For me it's about inclusion and warmth and welcoming and communicating forms but not making people feel dumb or bad or wrong and checking our own reactions and judgments.

[46:13]

You can tell I'm just like glouting here because I'm finding my way as you're asking these questions. I have no answers. But I trust that we will be able to find them together. And if they're not the ones that work, then we'll keep adapting. Because we are actually very adaptable beings. Maybe one or two more people online. Hi, Sue. Hi, Linda. Thank you for your wonderful talk and your little beautiful report, saga reports of the ashes ceremony and of the branching streams meeting and bringing that to us. I want to ask you about the quote from the new Suzuki Roshi book, Becoming Yourself, which you said, you read the quote where he says, our way is... Nothing but how to get rid of the confusion and suffering in our own life.

[47:19]

And that kind of jumped out at me. And we're kind of used to talking about suffering and how our practice is about suffering and letting go of suffering. But confusion isn't so often spoken about. And that phrase, get rid of the confusion... In my own life, yes, how can I do that? How can I do that? So I know it's not a how-to practice, but I wonder if you could say something more specifically about confusion and the way the multiplicity of concerns and worries and projects, and as you said earlier, our lives are so complicated and getting more so. How can we... What do we do to get rid of that confusion? Or is it possible? Thank you so much. The only thing that's ever worked for me, and I'm a delusion type, so confusion is a frequent visitor, but it took many years to recognize it.

[48:26]

So once I started recognizing it and noticing how very unpleasant it feels, disorienting, sometimes queasy, racing up here, racing in the belly. So turning toward it, learning how to be with it, that's the only way to get rid of our suffering or our confusion or our anger or whatever it is, is by welcoming it kindly and being with it. Because once we're not in our head, or have an idea about it or making something, then it has some chance to move and flow and change and become something else. And often for me, I have to go through whatever is under the confusion, and it might be grief or fear,

[49:38]

or something more immediate than confusion. I mean, sometimes it's just I'm confused about what to do, but it doesn't have any emotional charge to it. It's just when it has emotional charge that it's, you know, otherwise you can just make a decision and go with it. There's no charge. Like, okay, I don't know. But it's just underlying the confusion. What will happen if I do this? What will happen if I don't do that? And to just, really be there with the tenderness, the vulnerability, the non-knowing, which is just really uncomfortable. And to get familiar with it. But while we're familiar with it, it's like, oh yeah, I know you. I know you. I'm not going to die from you. Thank you. That's helpful. Sometimes I feel like I'm confused because I really am with the confusion.

[50:43]

But another thing that maybe connects to what you're saying that is maybe something good to do is to just be very narrow in this particular moment. What is it that I am doing? I don't have to be doing all these other things in my mind. I'm just doing this one thing right now. I'm just... walking into the kitchen to get a pair of scissors. That's all I'm doing right now. And I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do about the current political situation while I'm going to get the scissors. Just do one thing at a time. Yes. Yes. I think you were kind of saying that too. Thank you. Thank you very much. I think our time Thank you so much for your talk today and bringing up this wonderful model.

[51:50]

And I just was asking, as a member of the Sangha, would you consider allowing us to try that here, just to see what might come up? That's what I was hinting at. Oh, great. I'm totally supporting it. It just sounds so creative because it allows just for things to arise, as you were saying. Not that I fully understand the model and what you experience, but it just seems so wonderful to just let things arise. That's what you shared about your experience. Yeah, I think you kind of have to experience it to understand it, and it will be different each time. I think it sounds great, but I just want to support that. Thank you. And then we can talk about forms and all of that. and just hear everybody's experience of forms, for example.

[52:36]

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