Me Too, The Dharma of Friendship

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Serial: 
BZ-02854
AI Summary: 

In the talk, the theme revolves around the practice of Zen and the concept of Dharma friendship, highlighting the integral role of spiritual camaraderie in holistic living. Events and discussions illustrate how responses to contemporary issues like the COVID-19 pandemic and technological integration into Buddhist practice are informed by Zen teachings. Central to the discourse is the influence of Japanese Zen masters like Dogen and Suzuki Roshi and the significance they attribute to communal and interconnected existence. The intersection of discipline, flexibility, and community underscores a deeper exploration of Zen as a living, adaptable practice that extends beyond individual limits to embrace collective experience.

Referenced texts and teachings include:
- **Soto Zen** and **Suzuki Zen** doctrines concerning the inseparability of Zen and Buddhism.
- **"The Wisdom of Trauma"**, a film that examines the impact of trauma and approaches to healing.
- **Resmaa Menakem’s book "My Grandmother's Hands"**, which discusses racialized trauma and methods for societal and self-healing.

The talk covers the practical aspects of Zen in daily life, including its application through various rituals and community interactions, emphasized by the anecdotal sharing between participants and reflections on personal experiences with friendship, belonging, and practice. The session closes with a communal song, reinforcing the message of inclusion and support among members of the Zen community.

AI Suggested Title: "Zen, Dharma Friendship, and Holistic Connections"

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Transcript: 

I was just touching into how that feels, you know, how that lands in the body to hear this meeting is being recorded. My goodness, what does that even mean? You know, so many of these phrases that we've gotten adapted to around technology just remind me of, in general, how we take in these phrases like a soft opening or reopening. And yet, this is something that we have been preparing for and talking about, you know, at our Berkeley Zendo. And conditions continue to change. You know, among them is that the Delta variant of COVID is continuing to surge. And this brings with it all kinds of new considerations.

[01:02]

The timing for the reopening might shift. But regardless, whenever we open in that way, whatever's going on around all this, all these issues that are all interwoven, I don't know about you, but it can be quite confusing and quite disorienting. And, you know, it's a funny thing, but it also brings up for me this really basic question that probably, like you, returns from time to time and at the same time in new ways, which is basically, what is this practice? I mean, I never imagined that we would be practicing this way. And when we come together in person, those of us who can, who are able,

[02:03]

who live within a distance to do so and all the different factors, how will the way we're practicing right now continue? What really is the essential practice that we're practicing together wherever we are? I mean, conditions are always changing and we're always adapting, but there are certain times and places where I notice that more poignantly, more viscerally, and with more of an urgency to really come back to what is this practice, this practicing together? Well, first, I want to acknowledge with you

[03:05]

and honor the Ohlone peoples on whose unceded land Berkeley Zen Center sits and honor to all the ancestors whose generosity and struggles and perseverance have brought us together in practice, miraculously, mysteriously, in ways that we might be aware of in many ways that we are not and yet to honor all of them, all of that, all of who we are. And as I'm gazing around the room, just to be aware that the way we're practicing here right now, we're also meeting in different time zones. I mean, how cool is that?

[04:06]

And strange. And our practice tells us all time zones are this time being now, this time being now. And maybe we're discovering that by meeting this particular way for the moment. So practice, Zen practice, Soto Zen, Dogen Zen, Suzuki Zen. You know, it's a funny thing because both Dogen and Suzuki Roshi basically said, Zen is Buddhism. What's that? Dogen talked about waking up to the true reality of all beings. And that all, that's a clue.

[05:10]

It's a cue to us. The Buddha is attributed to the Buddha to have said when he awakened underneath the Bodhi tree, wonderful, I and all beings have awakened together. And when Dogen referenced this, he placed emphasis on awakening simultaneously. Simultaneously. Suzuki Roshi, in his ineffable way, coined this new word, independency. Interdependence and independence simultaneously. Simultaneously. So we're practicing together

[06:11]

and we're the whole universe expressing itself. Kind of like this, interpenetrated. Okay, so I'm not telling you something you don't already know, you haven't already touched into, or you wouldn't be here. So what else is going on? What's going on within all that? What's going on? What's coming up for me as essential? That we're bringing forward, front and center right now, together, is Dharma friendship. Sometimes it's called spiritual friendship or even good friendship. And there's context for this going way back.

[07:18]

And I've always loved a good fairy tale or just in general how a story is told, like once upon a time or thus I heard. So if we go back to the story of when the Buddha is with his attendant, cousin Ananda, in their friendship, you could say. Something happened. Maybe you remember that story. What is the holy life? Right now.

[08:26]

So hold on, because I want to tell you a more recent story, relatively speaking. When I first came to the Bay Area, which was about eight years ago, I had moved from New York City, where I'd been practicing for a while. And, you know, the forums was somewhat different, variations on the theme, but still particularly around the time for our ceremonies or services. It's a little different. And I was confused when it was time for service. You know, the bells started to ring and I wasn't quite sure where to turn or when to put down my priest's bowing mat, the zhagu. So I did what probably many of us have done,

[09:37]

which is look around. Sometimes we look around and all we're looking at is actually when we're in person, right? Is the feet, where is the mat? What's the shuffling? You know, sometimes that's enough, but it wasn't quite enough for me in that moment. So I happened to be fortunate enough to have a neighbor who was wearing priest robes. So I asked quietly, but there wasn't a lot of time because everything is, you know, it's in flux. So she happened to be wearing brown robes and she said to me without hesitation and in a very lighthearted tone, she said, and I'll never forget this, trust your body and your practice.

[10:41]

I laughed and I listened to her. I touched in because I had disconnected in all of that confusion from actually what was going on in the body, in the room. I had forgotten that basic thing that comes through in Soto Zen of notice what's happening. Notice that relationship, that dance of relationship. And so first I noticed what this priest was doing and I attuned to that. And then of course I realized everybody in the room what was happening. And I not only was okay, I felt not just relief, but this instant sense of belonging

[11:51]

and not just in the room, but in the wholeness of life. Maybe you've had such a moment, body to body practice, because we don't want to forget that, it's important. And this has also been really helpful, this quality of being together while we've been practicing online, interestingly, in this unfamiliar context, right? Like even this morning in a new configuration, trying to figure out where to put my camera and set up the lighting and all, when to have the camera off because I'm moving things around or maybe some of us, sometimes it's hard to sit,

[12:53]

we actually need to lie down, whatever it might be. And to always be aware as the conditions shift, particularly practicing in our homes or wherever we might be zooming in from and to really navigate amidst that kind of a complexity and being together to keep this practice simple and immediate and intimate, right? To remember that we're in the room, even the Zoom room, together. Sometimes it reminds me in the Vimalakirti Sutra of where the room keeps expanding, in a way that happens in our Zoom space. So what connects the dots here?

[13:53]

Well, you know, what I've come to realize is that what makes the difference really is Dharma friendship, that quality of Sangha. Okay, now to the once upon a time. So once upon a time, right? Ananda, the Buddha's attendant, he says to the Buddha, you know, as they're connecting, that to have good friends is half of the holy life. And the Buddha corrects him. And he says, do not say, Ananda, good friendship is half of the holy life. Having good friends is the whole of the holy life. And you know, there's something beautiful as I was reading that again, preparing for this talk

[15:00]

of the unexpected nuances of bringing out something in translation. So as the ear hears it, the whole of the holy life. Those two meanings coming together just through how we hear that, we take it on, wholeness, holiness. And I'm also realizing it's probably no surprise to you that when you come back to a teaching or story like that, over time, you pick up different things, different things are alive for you. And one of the things that I noticed in reflecting

[16:02]

on this spiritual, this Dharma, this good friendship, is that there are many ways of approaching it. You know, in one way, we could say it's deep friendship, in the sense of kinship with all beings, all life. And I don't have to tell you, although in this seat, I will affirm it, that this aspect of kinship with all life, it's greatly needed right now. I mean, it always has been, but in this particular historic moment, in particular ways, as we face so many difficulties in the world right now. Foremost in my heart, maybe because this week, I believe it was this week, it's funny how the days go by

[17:04]

and you can lose track, but I believe it was, yeah, this past Wednesday, Hosan officiated our monthly memorial service. And so tender, the losses in our community, just this week. The loss of loved ones, too many from this pandemic and other conditions that connect to that directly. And all the pain and grief and anxiety, the impact of violence and hatred, which call us to action, to acknowledge, to meet and to work, to heal racial injustice. Socioeconomic injustice, all kinds of injustices.

[18:10]

And also, let's never forget the impact of climate change when we talk about, when we touch into the kinship with all life. All of this for me, in terms of spiritual friendship, if you will, good friendship, is that it awakens our bodhisattva vow. This vow in friendship is also our attitude in practice. Sojin Roshi, in his encouragement, when we would enter practice period, he would say our attitude should be one of wanting to do everything,

[19:14]

everything in the list of activities. And then, and only then, to look at the conditions of our life and decide what we actually can commit to. So right there at the outset, the attitude is with a focus on our practice affects everyone, that practice together. So in showing up and following through with our commitments, we create a container of practice or as Hosan puts it, mutual accountability, which is really important. And it's easy, at least for me, to forget about the nuances of that when it gets tough. And sometimes this requires correction, instruction.

[20:18]

Now, I remember in our physical zendo one time, Mary Mosin corrected me after we exited the zendo. She says to me, you know, your gassho is drooping a little. Your right hand is down a bit. Bring it up. And would you know it, such a small thing. But it's still with me. And one of the things that revealed to me is this very unrecognized in me until that moment and practicing with it over time, that that was some kind of, no, I can't know with some kind of sure, surety. But what it brought up for me

[21:20]

was this subtle way I was embodying inadequacy. And just bringing that up, I could feel also Sojin's correction or encouragement to just lift the sternum. And those things coming together, it's just so freeing, would not have happened without that quality of friendship. And I think it is important for us to keep remembering these things happen body to body. Not so we're grieving that or saying we lost that and oh, when will we be able to be together in person? But to remember that we can touch into that right now. I mean, right now, if you wanna just try it out and put your own hands in gassho, right?

[22:21]

And look around the room and just notice that pointer around, how is it side to side in your gassho? And as you gaze around the room, everyone in gassho, can you feel that? The power of that, the intimacy of that? And when we bow, that's real, that's alive. Two years ago, almost to the day, 2019, July, 2019, right around Sojin's birthday, he gave a beautiful talk.

[23:22]

It's called Beat Zen, Square Zen and Zen. A number of us were there for that talk. And you can listen to it sometime if you want to. But during that lecture, he said that the Zen that he encountered through Suzuki Roshi, emphasized discipline. He said, practicing within the restriction is how you find your freedom. It's about maintaining a standard while remaining open to the world. And it's about being flexible. During the Q&A, I asked him how he would define discipline in the context of practice, because there are many meanings for discipline in different contexts. And this is how he responded. He said, discipline has many aspects.

[24:26]

And sometimes it doesn't look like discipline. Sometimes we think of discipline as a kind of rigidity. But true discipline means flexibility. In our practice, discipline means to be totally flexible, to be careful about when you start getting up tight, tight, rigid to, reflex, be elastic, be flexible. I think flexibility is strength. We think of strength as rigidity, but actually strength is flexibility because it allows us to flow with life. Zazen looks stiff, looks like rigid, but actually to find the flexibility, to be totally flexible within the upright position of Zazen is how you find your ease in life. That is what I would call discipline. And I would say that that ease also reveals wonderment,

[25:32]

the deep appreciation for life, that flow with life. And how beautiful, maybe some of you got the email from Nathan just this week, right? On what would have been, you know, the season of Sojin's 92nd birthday. One of our Sangha members, Nathan, Nathan's here today. He said that he had harvested all the ripe plums from the tree on the temple grounds outside the abbot's office. And as many of us are aware, our temple is called Shogakuchi, means old plum mountain. And Nathan made jam with love, with attention, filled and sealed all these little jars. And he called it old plum mountain jam.

[26:35]

And he sent three photos, the individual plums in a bowl, just picked, and then the plums opened all intermingling in the juice, and then the jars of jam that all say old plum mountain jam. Well, I can just see Sojin smiling. This is friendship. And there are so many ways we've been expressing this, taking care of the garden and the residents, taking care of the Zendo and whatever else is needed on the buildings and grounds, people making bagged lunches, calling one another to check in. I mean, just so many ways. This is friendship. So this is the season when we would have our mountains and rivers Sashin. For anyone who's ever gone on that out at Point Reyes,

[27:40]

you know, for me, the image, the feel of sitting on that windy beach with the pelican swooping low, you know, just above the ocean waves and how cold it is, and just everybody sitting in a line still together, holding us in place. This is friendship. When I was 12, my dad, who was a theoretical physicist, he sat me down at my grandmother's table in the Bronx and with a sharpened number two pencil, anybody remember that? And a yellow pad of lined paper,

[28:41]

one of those, you know, actual paper. He derived from a book called, for me, the special theory of relativity. He also wrote poetry and he painted, he had a whole artistic sensibility. And I think that that really came through in how even like almost a kind of calligraphy quality to the way he wrote these equations and also the way he spoke very passionately. And there was a flexibility and a beauty and a discipline. And at 12 years old, I was in awe. I mean, remarkably, I somehow got that language of the math as a doorway, as a Dharma gate to some kind of world beyond what I knew. And yet I could really feel it, that it was real. It came through that encounter and it was a moment that really stands out for me

[29:44]

of where I was with my dad and our relationship shifted into something that was broader or deeper beyond father and daughter or generations or gender or any of these kinds of things was just, now I would call it in a way, a moment of spiritual friendship. So it's also really powerful, this spiritual friendship, because it can reorient us to all kinds of relationships in our life and how we meet those. Suzuki Roshi also, I think, offers us a lens on this in terms of another aspect, which is, he called it constancy when he was looking for or speaking to his way of talking about a paramita called kshanti,

[30:49]

which often is translated as patience. But what he wrote about that, which I think is important to take in as an aspect of spiritual friendship, is he said, in constancy, there's no particular effort involved. There's only the unchanging ability to accept things as they are. For people who have no idea of emptiness, this ability may appear to be patience, but patience can actually be non-acceptance. People who know, even if only intuitively, the state of emptiness always have the possibility of accepting things as they are. They can appreciate everything. And everything they do, even though it may be very difficult, they will always be able to dissolve their problems by constancy. And Hosan, I think, has brought this in as a way to center inclusiveness in practice.

[31:58]

Hosan's talked to us more than once, telling us the story from the Lotus Sutra of the never disparaging Bodhisattva, right? And as I say that, some of you might even remember the great song that he wrote about that. So no matter what people throw at him, verbally or physically, right? He always comes back, like that song refrain, ♪ I will never disparage you or put you down in any way. ♪ ♪ It's clear to me, I can plainly see, ♪ ♪ you'll be a Buddha someday. ♪ And the reason I'm singing the song part is because we take these things in in a lot of way, and there's something about the lightheartedness and the melody and the rhythm and all of that, which to me is so helpful. And it's a declaration of friendship

[33:00]

because never disparaging Bodhisattva's capacity to practice constancy in the midst of what he faces, we face, is really a vow, as Hosan has said, not to abandon anyone and radical inclusiveness. I remember one time in Dokusan, I think it was, or maybe it was a Q&A, but Hosan pointed out to me that also this Bodhisattva, when they're throwing the rocks, it's a little dangerous, he actually maintains a safe distance. Then, then he turns and sings his little refrain. And we also poignantly continue to be practicing at a safe distance. So this has new meaning, new context,

[34:05]

but also the continuity of vow, of friendship. And we're practicing in the context of being in community. And I think that context also includes with it a commitment to broaden our context to what we cannot see or recognize as ourselves, particularly when someone's experience, reality, doesn't quite jive with ours. So this includes conflict, and also a new understanding, if you will,

[35:08]

of the impact of trauma in our midst, traumas everywhere. There's even a term now of trauma-informed practice to integrate contemporary understandings of trauma and its impact individually and collectively. Maybe some of you got a chance to see this great film that premiered online, it's actually gonna be shown again for free online, called The Wisdom of Trauma. And it was a documentary, and it also, when it premiered, included a week of talks from all kinds of people approaching this through all kinds of aspects. One thing about trauma, as is spoken in the film, is it says, trauma's not what happens to a person, it's what happens within them, constricting their own ability to feel, to be present, to respond flexibly to situations.

[36:08]

And we might ask, how does spiritual friendship, Dharma friendship, come into play when it comes to this? Well, very briefly, Resmaa Menakem, who's a trauma specialist, therapist, and an activist, he developed a practice called somatic abolition, and maybe you've heard of a book he wrote called My Grandmother's Hands, Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Minds. And he writes, trauma decontextualized in a person, listen to this, looks like personality. Trauma decontextualized in a family looks like family traits. Trauma in a people looks like culture. And I wanna invite you right now to just notice where that lands in your body, as you heard me say those things.

[37:11]

Because that too is a context. And how might it be if when we're encountering a person, people in our lives, structures in our society and sangha life, to practice spiritual friendship in this way that recontextualizes and broadens the context. Mary Mosin broadened my context, just to notice. Sojin Roshi, Suzuki Roshi, Hozon Sensei, all of us, the pelicans, the mountains and rivers.

[38:16]

Thich Nhat Hanh says that the future Buddha, Maitreya, is the sangha coming through the practice of friendship. Dogen tells us in the Fukan Zazengi, the Instructions of Zazen, that Zazen is the dharma gate of ease and joy. Of course, as we all recognize, sitting with what comes up moment by moment, over a lifetime, it's no picnic a lot of the time. And yet, when we really touch into, when we contextualize what's happening, and realize we're in this together, really make contact,

[39:21]

there is an ease and a joy. And it's not a, hey, hey, hey, it's more like, oh, oh. And that, oh, includes everything. And we say, that's dharma joy. It's intimacy. That's wonder. And it takes discipline. It takes flexibility and uprightness and commitment showing up for and with each other. And it's worth it. Because what's revealed is how we belong to each other. To the mountains and rivers and stars and galaxies,

[40:30]

to each other, to this flow of life, which includes birth and death, includes each of us and our capacity to really care deeply. Dharma friends. I wanna tell you one last story that just happened in the last couple of days. My partner, Tim and I discovered that we had a visitor, a mouse in the house. And we're really committed. We wanted to try to catch the mouse, but not kill the mouse. And Tim had gotten this, it's called a live trap. You put a piece of cheese or something in there and there's a door. And supposedly when they come in, the door comes down and you catch the mouse.

[41:36]

But really, we didn't know if it was gonna work, but we decided to practice maybe a little bit of that constancy, a little bit of faith. And it took a few days, but we had actually forgotten about it. And then one morning, I noticed our dog in the kitchen by the stove, and he was just gone like this. Really focused attention. And I looked, and without a word. It's amazing how much can be communicated in silence. I could hear the rustling. And I saw there was a mouse in there, this teeny weeny mouse. And it was so amazing. And it was this moment of just Kaya, our dog, and I quickly said, Tim, Tim, come. So there we were, the three of us, really the four of us all together.

[42:37]

And of course, the mouse you could say was traumatized. The mouse is like, oh, okay, what's going on? But then the mouse stopped too. And we were all like, now maybe the mouse was like, what are they gonna do? But there was also this moment of awe. And Tim said, well, we need to do this. This is gonna be a ritual. This has to be a ritual. So we did, we went to the park, and we looked around. We were like, okay, well, where does the mouse wanna be? And we decided it was a little windy. We were gonna take it by a bush. And it was like a ritual. We opened that door and we bowed to the mouse. And it was so beautiful to realize that we really could cherish all life. And it stays with me now because I don't think we would have been able to do that without all these aspects of practicing friendship. So having said that, um, we have a little bit of time

[43:40]

to maybe have a conversation around this, you know, to continue exploring this. And I'm wondering, you know, what's alive for you around this? You know, how is Dharma friendship for you? And I wanna encourage, you know, particularly anyone who hasn't spoken in a while, or sometimes not sure whether to speak, so on, just to offer a moment. And if you just wanna touch into that. And let's see. What we can explore together right now. Thank you, Judy.

[44:48]

Everyone, please take a moment and consider and reflect and present your present moment for Judy to reflect with you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, we have a question from Kurt. Kurt, feel free to unmute and go ahead and speak. Yes. Hello, Judy. Thank you for the wonderful talk. And it was beautiful to see you and your smile. And I felt like a sense of kind of connectedness, you know, which, I guess, instantiates that sort of Dharma friendship, you know, you were talking about. But there's also been many times in my life when I felt, didn't feel that, right? Or when I felt outside or separate. And that whole issue, it's interesting.

[45:49]

And I'm doing something in my work now where I'm creating some materials around supporting students with mental health or supporting mental wellness. And one of the key things is belonging. You know, one of the key things that you, or that I suggest that teachers would wanna work on is to try to create a classroom where all students feel they belong. But just during your talk, I realized, and not only then, but there are many times I didn't feel I belong. And I think that's not such an unusual experience. And so while I understand the importance of friendship as being, in a way, you were saying, the whole of the holy life, what are your thoughts or messages to those who don't feel that friendship or who see that friendship among others

[46:53]

is almost a separation, right? That I'm thinking of when I was a kid, like, you know, you're my friend, you're not my friend. You can play with me, you can't, right? And so how can we embrace the specialness of this friendship? And I think you sort of touched on it and how important it is. But then also not, in some way, I don't know that there's also almost an exclusive quality to it. But you mentioned the idea of new friends with all beings, right? And so I just wanna throw that out in terms of your thoughts. I mean, what about someone who's not feeling that? Can we still practice the Dharma? How do we aspire to that? What's the invitation to it? I'm not even clear of what the question is, but those are things that came up for me around it.

[47:55]

Sure. Kurt, some of what I'm hearing you really speak to is that, in a way, there's inherently a pain in both belonging and everything includes its opposite, not belonging, they come up together. So if I have a deep sense of belonging and it's not broadly inclusive, then it's gonna, my belonging is defined, sometimes even subtly, by excluding those who do not belong. And likewise, if I have a sense that I don't belong, I'm coming from some kind of sense that I'm not included. So you could say that our practice of friendship

[49:01]

in that moment, the simple practice, is notice where that lands in your body. So you make the connection first in how it lands in you. And from that, you're contextualizing that word, belonging, not belonging, in a way where you have agency to respond to who you're actually with and what actually is going on for them. Another way to say this is really listen and also reflect back to somebody. What you hear, is there pain? You know, Hozon once said to me, you don't always respond to the question that people ask. You respond to the question within the question

[50:03]

or beneath the question. So touching into that shared recognition that there can be a pain there. And to be willing to really not know what is that pain for another person, but to attune to it by feeling it in yourself. So if I were to ask you, you know, you said a lot, where does that land for you right now in your body? Where's the tension? Oh, now? Yeah, tell me the story. I suppose right now, maybe a bit in my shoulders, but who knows? That could just be my shoulders a little tight. So right now, certainly, yes, I mean, in terms of feeling not belonging a lot,

[51:06]

yeah, I've definitely felt that in my life. And there's a pain associated with that. How would it be in that moment to say that? How would it be in that moment to share that experience with this person, with your students, to talk about your own experience? Yes, well, I'm sharing it now. And so there's certainly a vulnerability to it, a sense of opening yourself. For sure, I guess, that comes up. You know, your question reminds me of something that happened to me years ago in a zendo with an elder in the sangha, Elder Dharma Sister. I was once lamenting to her, oh, you know, no matter where I go, I just feel like I don't belong. And often, she had this uncanny way of joining

[52:10]

that just lifted you no matter what was going on. So in a way, I fully expected her to say, as she often would, not just with me, but anyone who was lamenting, she'd say, me too. Like you could say this with your students, me too, right? But actually, what was really amazing, when she didn't say that, she said, that's so funny because wherever I go, I always feel like I belong. And I just laughed, you know, it was completely unexpected, right? Totally opposite and yet completely joined. So I think that that's a great model of practicing with this to just really attune and have what Sojin Roshi was really speaking of, that kind of discipline that's got a flexibility in uprightness, you know, trust your body and your practice. So thank you for your question.

[53:10]

I think we might have time for one more. Okay. Judy-san, do you have time to discuss how it feels to not belong and feel that you don't have access to the tools, even though you've just outlined tools? How does that manifest? Or where are we when we're doing that? You sound like you have some experience with that, Heiko-san. Indeed.

[54:15]

As do I. What helped you? The returning of it helped me to recognize that I continue to feel not joined. The willingness to look at that separation state of mind comes from faith in practice. The headway or progress in becoming connected has not arrived yet. So I am looking at it. I'm aware of it. I recognize it as practice. And yet I also have the built-in sensibility of, okay, whatever it is, I don't belong. That's something I've learned and recognized, yet no headway. What headway can I look for? Okay. And yet we can't arrive there just through

[55:22]

our ideas about what's happening, even when we're really sure that that's really what's going on. So what you're doing right now, I think to me, is so healing around this issue because you're willing to be vulnerable and share this. And so we never know, oh, somebody's having a me too moment. You might get an email later or we might bump into each other in our comings and goings or whatever it might be. We're just meeting ourselves. So I think what both these questions are really speaking to is that shared vulnerability and also something that's really important is shared ritual space, whether it's for grieving or like a council practice.

[56:23]

In a way, it's a form, but it has a ritual component to it, passing the talking piece, different things. We have these ways of being vulnerable in a way that's of benefit because wounds need space to heal and they need dressing and bandaging. They need care. And we offer this to each other. So just the old keep showing up, just keep showing up. Thank you, Judy. And in fact, I think a song might be in order. Sue Osher has asked if you would lead us in that song once more before we go to the vows. You mean, I will never disparage you? I believe so, yes.

[57:24]

Good song to me. All right then. Well, let's do it. Shall we unmute? I would say not Judy, but we'll try to sing along. How about that? Okay. All right. I'm seeing heads nod. See, this is how we decide together. And a one and a two and a one, two, three, four. ♪ I will never disparage you or put you down in any way. ♪ I think Hozan might need to come in. I think I'm missing a line here. Please, Hozan, maybe you could lead us. I would never disparage you or keep you at arm's length. For you only see your weaknesses. I only see your strength. I would never despise you or put you down in any way because it's clear to me,

[58:26]

I can plainly see you'll be a Buddha someday. That's the chorus. And I'll sing the whole song next week. And I did not write that, by the way. Oh, that's great. Ben Gustin wrote it. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Hozan, for the correction. See? All right.

[58:53]

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@Score_JJ