His Dharma name is Seishi Tetsudo. Seishi means pure determination, and Tetsudo means penetrate with. Ross began his practice in 1982 in New York City. Four, 84. Oh. I was thinking about it in 82, but it didn't come. 1994, with Bertie Glassman, who's a very well-known a Zen teacher there and founded the Buddhist Peacemakers organization. And then he moved out here in 1987 and has been living at Berkley Zen Center ever since. So that's 32 years of practice. practice with moment to moment in your everyday life outside the zendo, he's a model for that.

[01:20]

And also, if anybody wants to learn how to ring the bells or hit the drum or chant, Ross is the head of the Do-Re-Mi-Fa, so he's the person to contact if anybody You can't find anything anywhere if you're looking for something here. Or something's wrong with anything. Or you need a sign mate. Thank you, Jerry, very much for that. Well, I'm the point person for many things, but actually there are a lot of people here that support all of those practices. So I'm happy to refer you to the appropriate person.

[02:26]

I got a little choked up this morning when I sat down because I see this beautiful bouquet of tulips in front of this bodhisattva in the back of the zendo and the sunlight's coming in and they're illuminating. It's quite beautiful. I prepared breakfast this morning for our orioke practice and the three bowls contained variations on yellow. Something's going on. Well... Everybody should have a little black book. The way I prepare for talks is I jot down my thoughts over the year and put them in my book.

[03:36]

And we give talks about once a year, the former Shusos. And when the Shusos schedule to give a talk, I heard about this date at the beginning of the year from Karen Sondheim, who schedules our talks. I said about three months or so to prepare. And then I go back over the notes and see what's still relevant, what's still topical. And if it's not, I scratch it out. And if it is, then I work on it a little bit more. And it's interesting to be in this process of preparing for this one-time talk in the year where one gets to kind of sit up front, be supported by the abbot, Sojin Roshi, and all of you, and express some understanding, some sense of why we come here. So, here we go for 2016. So why are we here?

[04:41]

Well, our passport that brought us to Berkeley Zen Center that we all carry is that our life in some way was a little askew, a little unsettled. not quite satisfactory. And somehow or another, we heard about a place and a practice where we can work on looking at that and being able to deal with it perhaps with some help of others and a lot of work ourselves on the cushion. And this is the first mark of existence, that life is askew, life is unsatisfactory, life is not how we thought it was going to be. There's a saying that when people leave here after practicing for a while, that they might not have suffered enough.

[05:48]

They haven't actually quite seen to the deepest part of their suffering. And so it's okay. You know, people come and go. And a lot of people have left and then come back after they have seen that they need to maybe work on a part of themselves a little bit more. So in looking at my discomfort, my suffering, I've sourced it, I've sourced the root of it, and that root has changed. It's been different things over the years. And the latest resourcing is my relationship to time. And I started thinking about time, and I think it's all of our relationship to time, which actually causes a condition that unfolds into discomfort.

[07:02]

And I hope to be able to convey to you my understanding about that, my rationale, and to see that actually all of our life is time. We have regrets about the past. We have aspirations for the future. And here we are in the present. Regrets about the past is suffering. pushing away, I don't like that. Aspirations for the future, wanting to be with someone or some career, some recognition, that's greed. And then what's going on now in the present?

[08:07]

And often that's very confusing. So we have greed, ill will, and confusion, three poisons in our practice that we study. And it's all in a relationship to time. Dogen Zenji wrote a fascicle called Uji. And Uji literally translates as at one time or for the time being. But he used it in a hybrid form where he had time and being as one word or one word with a hyphen in between time and being. They merged time and being as one thing. Very much like his understanding of practice and enlightenment that they were, people thought you practice and then you get enlightened.

[09:09]

And his spin on it or take on it was practice is enlightenment. Practice hyphen enlightenment. The time itself is being, so we have a dimension of the vertical, we have a dimension of the horizontal, we have a dimension of depth, we have a dimension of space, and then this dimension of time. the time being. So in each moment, we are expressing ourselves as time. So for the time being, I'm giving a talk up here. For the time being, you're in the audience receiving this talk. So that's looking at it dualistically. But if we're just here present in the moment, it's just a time being without.

[10:14]

be up here and you out there. You're up here and I'm out there. An ancient Buddha said, for the time being, stand on top of the highest peak. For the time being, proceed along the bottom of the deepest ocean. For the time being, three heads and eight arms. For the time being, an eight or 16 foot body. For the time being, a staff or whisk. For the time being, a pillar or lantern. For the time being, the sons of Zhang and Li, for the time being, the earth and sky.

[11:18]

So for the time being, stand on top of the highest peak, for the time being, proceed along the bottom of the deepest ocean. To me, that feels like Zazen. It feels like Toshiro Mifune strutting around in his samurai attitude, upright and meeting the universe. To me, it feels like a bow, like a bow and arrow that is outstretched, going up to the heavens and going down to the center of the earth. So Soichiro, she encourages us to lift our sternum up and be upright, like a bow, like Toshiro Mifune. get to the bottom of the earth and up to the sky and completely meet the universe upright. For the time being, three heads and eight arms. That's the fighting demon or fighting spirit.

[12:31]

And we've all had experiences of being dissatisfied and fighting with ourselves, ashamed of ourselves, fighting with others, ashamed of others. And sometimes we're six or eight or 16 foot golden Buddha body. We're actually quite satisfied and open and okay and accepting other people's expression of fighting spirits. Accepting of our own internal fighting spirits. For the time being, a staff or a whisk, these are very common temple items that are used in ceremonies. We'll be using one at the Shuso ceremony later this year with Walter Kieser, our Shuso, during practice period. So we'll see a whisk and a staff. Pillars and lanterns are very common items in a temple.

[13:34]

We have four pillars here. We used to have kerosene lamps or lanterns, now we have candles. But nevertheless, it's nothing special. These are just common everyday objects that are around for us to see. Reinforcing the ordinariness and the plainness of our practice. Just like the name Zhang and Li, which are common names in China. and for the time being, the earth and the sky. There's a note here that Kastanahashi placed in. No exact source has been found, but it seems to be based on the words of Yaoshan Weiyan. If you want to know human endeavors and purify this noble form, hold a jar and carry a monk's bowl.

[14:36]

If you try to escape from falling into the lower realms, first of all, you should not give up these practices. It is not easy. You should stand on top of the highest peak and go to the bottom of the deepest ocean. This is not an easy practice, but you will have some realization. Earth and sky. So the first noble truth that life is uncomfortable Difficult. Second, noble truth that things are impermanent, constantly changing, changing from 16-foot golden Buddha body to a three-headed eight-armed fighting demon.

[15:49]

So how do we fully accept our expression in the moment, in this present time, and not beat ourselves up about a mark of existence that everyone is actually coursing through. We don't have to excuse ourselves in one sense. We get upset with ourselves when we are out of time. We want to be somewhere and we get frustrated and pissed off and we become upset and we upset people around us. If we return to the present, we can make amends, we can apologize. That often helps. Just the acknowledgement that, I'm sorry I cut you off. I'm sorry I'm angry. I'll try to do better. So we have a Bodhisattva ceremony once a month where we do that. But we don't have to wait till the ceremony to do that.

[16:54]

In fact, in our hearts and mind, we know when we've so-called transgressed. So a certain ashamedness arises that, I didn't see you as Buddha. I saw you as this object. The third mark of existence is that there's no abiding self. So we're in this dream and this person in front of us manifests in such a way that we push away, or we grasp and want to bring them closer, or we're confused, we don't know what we want to do with them. But if we can remember that there's no abiding self and it's constantly changing and nothing to hold on to, we can relate to people and to things much more lightly and much more respectfully.

[18:02]

So how do we do that? We get activated, we get caught all the time. I want you closer to me. I want you far away. Well, there are certain techniques. Laurie spoke about a few weeks ago about that. And I never thought about this before, but the talks on Saturday are encouragement talks, which Sojo Roshi encourages us to do, is to give a talk that encourages people to practice. And then there's these techniques and ideas that we have about what will work and give us some comfort and ease and help others and cultivate harmony in our Sangha. At the same time, we're supposed to not have any gaining idea. So how do we hold that? Well, for me, I have a gaining idea that I want to give a talk that is helpful, that's easily understandable, that maybe some people will find useful and use some techniques to be more at ease with themselves and with others.

[19:26]

I think about talks in the past that I've given, that others have given, so there's a future in the past, but actually all there is is now. And just being upright and just present myself and not worry whether you understand or not, even though I would like you to understand it. I would like a pat on the back. I'd like that acknowledgement. I think we all need to be, we all want to be loved, we want to be seen, we want to be acknowledged. And here's an opportunity for me to be acknowledged or dissed, depending. Not always so. Sojo Roshi some time ago said, you know, Suzuki Roshi presented Dogen to us in a very accessible manner. And I thought to myself, he did? Really?

[20:28]

And I was reading Dogen and it's like, I don't understand any of this. It's just a language. I'm just all, I don't understand. So in preparation for this talk, was going through not always so. And there was a plan, I think. There was an unspoken plan that is mysterious, which is Sojin Roshi has encouraged me for a long time now to express myself fully. And so I'm working on that. And so the chapter expressed herself fully in this book. And would you know it, he's talking about time being. When you live completely in each moment without expecting anything, you have no idea of time. When you are involved in an idea of time, today, tomorrow, or next year, and I would also add yesterday, selfish practice begins.

[21:38]

Various desires start to behave mischievously. You may think you should get ordained, or you worry about what your next step will be. Trying to become someone else, you lose your practice and lose your virtue, the virtue that you are inherently Buddha. When you are faithful to your position or your work, your true being is there. This is a very important point. So if we want to be Buddha, how do we do that? Accept where you are right now in this time being, for the time being. Strictly speaking, there's no suffering in this moment. If we're completely present, there's absolutely no suffering going on. Another one of Sojo Roshi's teachings is just say yes.

[22:55]

I couldn't help but think about Nancy Reagan's rest her soul in her non-abiding self. You know, just say no to drugs, which I think was a heartfelt response to the problem of drug addiction in this country, in this world. So just say yes. What does that mean? Does that mean that no is not on the table? Do we have to say yes to everything? No. When you say yes, it keeps you in the present time. It keeps you in this moment. It's a lot easier. Somebody asks you to do something, okay, then just do it. It's so easy. What happens when someone says no?

[24:02]

Could you do something for me? No. Sorry, I can't do that. Well, there's a time and a place when you have to say no, and you can't do that. people often knock on Sojourner Roshi's door to talk to him, talk with him. And he said once about that, you can have some of my time, but you can't have all of my time. And that's a way in which we can return to being present, even though we're working on something, to just be present and say, what can I do for you? And we spend some time talking, sorting out what arose. So when we think about no, it brings up time again. It's either no, because I'm holding on to some grudge and I don't like you.

[25:04]

No, because I have something to do now, and I'm planning to do it for the next hour, so I don't have time for you. Well, there's something to be said for holding grudges and having some past experience with somebody that was uncomfortable or mean-spirited, but how are they now? Maybe they are actually the eight-foot golden Buddha body, and they're not the fighting demon. So if we're present, we actually get to see, well, who are you now? Who are you now? Okay, I can help you. No, I don't want to help you, but I'll help you anyway. because I have some history with you and it's difficult. Or, no, but I'll help you anyway, because then I'll get to know you better and I kind of like you. Those are all ideas, future and past.

[26:08]

Just say yes. As I said earlier, I was scheduled to give this talk a few months back, so I figured today would be just, I'll do my usual breakfast shop and prepare the night before and then come in the morning and do it up. Then I was asked to be work leader. So I said, okay. And then I was asked to be, I'm sorry, I was supposed to give the talk. So I was preparing the talk. Someone asked me to, could I be Tenzo today? I said, okay. So in one sense, those are fairly easy tasks. Work leader just coordinating work for a half hour and people are up and they're here and they want to help and support the temple and the practice. So you just plug them into different spots.

[27:11]

Cooking, I've done a number of times, so it's a set menu. I can do it with one eye closed, not both yet, but one eye is closed. And then there's talk, and talking about stuff that's very close to me, that's very important to me, as Jerry was kind enough to introduce me as some, how do I take my practice off the cushion? So last night I was thinking, oh my God, how am I going to get through today? Wake up five o'clock, feed Rocky, start the food preparation. Don't start thinking about the work leading and how many people are around and we get all the positions covered. And then I got to give the talk and go over my notes and all that sort of stuff. Well, that's all like projecting out outside of myself. That's not going to help me. And it didn't, so I just come back to being present, and what's next? Just put the next foot in front of me, and just move forward. What's next to do?

[28:15]

When I worked at the bakery at Bernie's Temple in New York, we had 12 and 14 hour days daily. So there were 12 and 14 hour days, Monday through Friday, and we worked half a day on Saturday, for good measure. And the head monk who kind of led the baking crew, when we look at the order of all the things that we had to make for the day, he was kind of smiling and said, it's going to take a miracle to get through today. And you know something? Miracles happen. Every day we got through it. There was always a little leftover. There was something else that had to be done, but we actually got through it. Miracles happen. So there's another thing about time is that we have an idea of being on time. We have an idea of being in time. So on time is a heady experience. It's going to catch the bark train or is a plane on time. We'll pick up my friend. It's important.

[29:20]

We can kind of, it helps schedule our lives and coordinate our, our, our life. But, uh, on time is something different. It's actually separate from ourselves. So what does in time mean? In time means being time. It means wherever you are, whatever you're doing, just be in time, be present. No need to rush around. So Jogeshi, speak about how Suzuki Rinpoche was always in time, never running around. Now, that does not mean that there's no sense of what the past is and what the future is. For instance, at Pete's, if I was late three times, I would be fired. So I had to be very careful about when the bell rang after Zazen at 6.20 to get on my bike and ride to work. So how can I be in time

[30:22]

knowing that if I'm late, I'm gonna be fired, or I have three chances. So there's some anticipation, but for my subtleness and to try to stay present, I would just ride the bike, Ross. And admittedly so, I would be out of myself when it was raining, because I had to put on rain gear and the ride was a lot slower, a little bit more scary. I'd take the rain gear off and be there at the register at 7.15 to next in line. So there's, you know, the, uh, and then when I was late, then there was a, I had a mark against me. So, uh, that in anticipation of going to work, I think, well, I got in my past, I was late once or I was late twice. I better not be late. So how did I do that? Well, ride faster, but riding fast in time as appropriate to the situation, because it's important for me to maintain that job. Reading again from Dogen.

[31:31]

Do not think that time merely flies away. Do not see flying away as the only function of time. If time merely flies away, you would be separated from time. The reason you do not clearly understand the time being is that you think of time only as passing. In essence, all things in the entire world are linked with one another as moments. Because all moments are the time being, they are your time being. So how do we practice that? Well, one of my favorite things to practice with regard to that is the door, the zendo door. Why do we close the door so gently and carefully and mindfully? Well, one reason is that if we slam it, it'll be disturbing to others.

[32:43]

And another reason is it respects the door and all the work that went into create that beautiful handmade door. And thirdly, it brings us to the present moment because in order to close the door quietly, you have to be present. Now, how do we close the medicine cabinet door? How do we close the front door of our house or apartment? Do we close it in the same way? Well, maybe it's not as important because there's not a bunch of people sitting outside in my apartment. I don't think the Q-tips in my medicine cabinet are sitting Zazen, so I can just, and go on. But actually the Q-tips are sitting Zazen. Everything in our life is sitting Zazen, if you really look at it. And if you think of it that way, out of respecting the Q-tips, and respecting the little box of incense from the Buddha on your altar,

[33:49]

it's actually going to bring you back to the present. And then it's not going to feel too different in the Zendo and your home. That helps me. It feels different. The quality of my life has shifted when I handle things like that. If I think about when I forget for a moment and slam a door. What was going on in my mind then? Well, I didn't want to be here. I was thinking about where I was going. Bam, going someplace else. Well, that's not being in time. That's being somewhere else. Now, does that mean everything is closed slowly? No. Mindfulness doesn't mean slow.

[34:51]

Mindfulness just means be mindful. Have your mind be filled with what's going on in front of you. Some of you are here for the first time. You've been here about 50 minutes. Some of you here have been practicing for 50 years. 50 years, 50 minutes. What's the difference? Well, there's a difference, and there's no difference. It's just practicing, looking at the source of our suffering, and practicing with that. I retired from Pete's on the anniversary of my hire date, 25 years prior. And I was really kind of excited to retire from Pete's. And I was excited that I had, because of my personality, liking things in a particular order and way and all of that, the idea of retiring on the same day as my hire date, July 20th, it felt auspicious in some way.

[36:09]

And I made a little name tag to put on top of my name tag that I wore on my apron. that had the hire date and my retirement date coming up July 20th. There was a sign on the counter next to my register about my pending retirement and contact info if customers still wanted to complain about Pete's, they could contact me, which they do still three years later. And people look at that and say, wow, that looks like your death date. It's like it's born and died. And in a way, it was. It was a birth and a death. So anyway, there was the last day, Friday, July 20, 2012. And I received some nice cards and gifts from some of my customers. And then I walked down Vine Street with my little gifts, thinking about my 25-year time there, turned the corner onto Shattuck, and it was gone.

[37:18]

It was gone. I never would have thought that. I never would have thought that 25 years of my life went away in a finger snap. But I realized, not then, but some years later in studying Dogen, that for the time being, I'm a sales clerk at Pete's Coffee and Tea. For the time being, I'm retired. finishing up a talk at Berkley Zen Center. And for the time being, there may be some time for a question or two. Yes. Thank you very much. Sojourn Roshi, would you like to? For the time being.

[38:20]

I read the word harmonized Yeah. I never felt that anything was intruding on my life when people would come. I was busy, but someone would come.

[39:23]

But I never said that there was an intrusion. But what you said was accurate. And what you said was accurate, too. Thank you for the time being. Thank you. Dean. Thank you, Ross. While you were talking, And that has been a little gem for me because what it does is it, oops, do what the next thing to do is. Be here and just push the chair. And it keeps me present. And then the other thing that sort of ties into that is I broke my toe recently. hit me, I didn't pay attention.

[40:26]

And so, someone said, what did you do? Well, I didn't pay attention. And that's that thing, if I would have been there paying attention, I wouldn't have broken my toe, but I wasn't present, I wasn't, so it's, I appreciate this sort of, this thing, because if I'm present, none of that other stuff happens. in this moment, I'm not suffering. I'm just sitting here, so it's, I really appreciate that reminder. You're welcome, thank you. Yeah, Hozon. Well, for the time being, I'm gonna ask you a question, which has to do with the ambiguity of the time being. So, when we say for the time being, often we mean, like, that makes me think of everything that he's listening as a kind of, oh, I'm offering this to the time being.

[41:40]

It's like, time being for. Do you understand what I mean? Well, the implication is that there's... Because it's whether actually time is an adjective or to, you know, it's like, there's this time being. Right. Or now. Well, we can look at discontinuous time, and for the time being, this self is doing this, but when we're present within it, it's no longer a duality, and it's not an adjective, but it's actually a noun, right? Time being is being. So it's only ambiguous when we get discontinuous, which is part of the bell ringing and getting off the cushion and going in our life or clunking the bell and giving a talk.

[42:45]

Yeah, so how do we talk discontinuously with an aspiration to be within continuous time? That's our goal, isn't it? And are they different? Yes. Gary actually had his hand up a moment ago. This is a technical question. In 25 years, did the three late visits get taken away at any point in time? There's actually four marks of existence. The fourth mark is on my record that I was late a couple of times. So they're there forever. They're not being expunged. So if the last week of work you were late, you could have got fired before your retirement?

[43:52]

I could have. But I really tried hard not to be late that last week. Kika? Yes. I'm going to give you a pat on the back. Thank you. And say that I really appreciate the tool of who are you now when you have behaved in a way that you're angry or ashamed or that type of thing. That really does bring me right here. who already know, I can remember that and take that with me. And also, respect the Q-tip. Yeah, respect the Q-tip. Yeah. I will not be able to quote Sojiroshi verbatim, but there's something that you said that we actually put on the bulletin board. The gist of it is, if you don't If we put someone in a box, they'll never get out.

[44:56]

If we put someone in a box, something about an experience and not being present with them, who are they now in response to Kikis? Do you remember? If you continue to think of somebody in the way you've always thought about, this is a paraphrase. If you continue to think about someone all the time and no matter, chance to change. That was the thing that struck me with that last thing. You don't give the other person a chance to flower. You don't give yourself the opportunity to see that person grow. Yes. Oh, hi, Sue. I feel like I get more time by being older because I'm more able to be in the present moment.

[46:42]

And in each present moment, I have all time. I mean, we really can have all time. If we're really in the present moment, there's no time. We're not thinking about time disappearing. Do not think you're separate from time. Time doesn't fly away from us. Yeah, that's one of the virtues of getting older, I think. Even though our bodies wear down and we kind of get a little upset about that, the mind can actually be more expansive and allow more time in for experience. I just want to finish up. I didn't, as far as uji and what that means, it's a compound of u, meaning some, being, having, existence, and g, time. A common expression uji means sometime, at one time, or for the time being. But Dogen interprets it literally as the time hyphen being, indicating that time and existence are inseparable.

[47:44]

So, two things, one thing, yeah. Well, thank you.

[47:56]

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