I doubt he takes the truth of the Tetrarchy. I was looking at some words of Suzuki Roshi, and he was saying, and I remember him saying this, it's very important for us to have warm-hearted practice. And he was also saying we should We have to establish our perfect practice within our imperfect practice.

[01:08]

We have to find our perfection within our imperfection. And if we are continually looking for something perfect, some kind of perfection, we only end up in frustration. Because perfection only exists in an imperfection. So, the most important thing is how we accept ourself. And how we establish ourself on each moment, on each moment's imperfect situation.

[02:17]

And when we can establish ourself on each moment's imperfect situation, we can settle on ourself and appreciate ourself with warm-heartedness. Even though we have some rules and some way of doing things, Still, there is no perfect rule. Life is improvisation, actually, and we must find ourselves

[03:25]

situation without relying on anything. There's really nothing to rely on. There's nothing but space. Empty space. And we nail And then we relate to that stick. And then we find our way, because we have a post, a signpost, and everything relates to that signpost. And then we know which way is up and down, right and left. But it's all arbitrary. It looks like fixed rules.

[04:32]

It really looks like fixed rules. But if we just rely on fixed rules and try to make everything proper according to fixed rules, there's always something wrong. Because life wiggles. And every time we try to pin it down, it whirls away and eludes us. So we're in many ways a life of frustration because it's really hard to pin things down. You know, she says, we should be very kind with ourselves.

[05:39]

Not so critical. Although, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try to improve. Yes, we should always be making some effort to improve. A well-known statement. You're okay just as you are, but you could use a little improvement. You know, in metta meditation, there are four aspects. And first you establish yourself on yourself.

[06:46]

You accept yourself with loving-kindness. And then the next step is to project or accept express loving-kindness to that person. And then, the third is to express loving-kindness to someone who you know. Or maybe it's the other way around. And the fourth one is to express loving-kindness to someone who you dislike, or have a perversion toward. That's the most difficult. Or, in some ways, it may be the easiest for some people, whereas expressing satisfaction or acceptance in love for yourself may be difficult, may be the most difficult.

[08:06]

I don't mean in a narcissistic way, but in a somewhat objective way. to really accept who you are, as you are, imperfect, incomplete. compulsive neurotic behavior, callousness, whatever, irreconcilable differences that you have with yourself. And to actually have warm-hearted practice, to actually

[09:10]

Then, when you can establish that, then you can extend that to others through those other three modes. to establish it and to extend it to others. When you extend loving-kindness to others, it's without possessiveness, or intrigue, or wanting something back. Simply pure love, which is not expecting anything

[10:18]

Otherwise, it's not meta. So the point here is to establish yourself on each moment without relying on some fixed but just responding to the circumstances. So we have rules and regulations and so forth. And we also have presets, 16 presets. can clear mind or prohibitory precepts.

[11:34]

But even though we have those precepts, We have the one-line presets, which is, it's not possible to kill anything. And then we have the Bodhisattva preset, which is in between the two, which means that we have to find the preset on each moment.

[12:40]

It's not a fixed preset. It's not a fixed idea. We have to find out how to behave, right? Given the fact that we shouldn't take life willfully, and it's impossible to take life completely. So, in between, given those two extremes, How do you live your life using the standard of Bodhisattva precepts? Which means we have to find our way on each moment within our imperfect life. There's an old saying,

[13:47]

When you fall to the earth, when you stumble over a stone, when you fall to earth, if you use that stone or you use the earth to help you back up, you lean on that. You depend on that. And in the same way, we depend on or use our stumbling blocks or our impediments, our imperfections to establish our practice. You know, sometimes I feel like I'm waiting until I'm really good before I start to practice. That's a big mistake. It doesn't matter whether I'm good or bad.

[14:56]

Just go to the Zen Dojo and sit zazen. And whatever is there is where you establish your practice. When you leave the Zen Dojo, whatever is there is where you establish your practice. Whatever situation you meet is where you establish your practice. How do you find your composure within your biggest problems? That's how you establish practice, is to always find your composure. So sometimes it's very difficult to find our composure.

[16:06]

Sometimes you can't find your composure, even though in practice then your child tells you something that makes you so angry that you want to kick him in the butt." And I said, oh, you should get angry easily. Don't get so angry so easily. You're losing your composure. Right there is where we have to establish our practice. This is the realm of enlightenment.

[17:11]

find your composure on each moment, in each situation, is enlightened practice. A good place to find your composure is practice enlightenment is when you're sick, when you're not feeling so good, or when you have a big then your life comes right up to your face, and you have to deal with that. Ordinarily, we just go about our business and think about our So, this is Zazen practice.

[18:36]

Letting go of everything. So, more and more you practice. You know, when we are striving a lot for something, we tend to lose sight of that. And we tend to, it's easy to become kind of obsessed with striving for something. Even within zazen, to have good posture and keep our make that kind of striving.

[19:42]

But if you're only doing this mechanically, it's not Sazen. If we're only trying to strive to perfect something, it's not Sazen. Sazen should have a warm feeling, a warm-hearted feeling. When you get up from Zazen, the expression of that should be warm-heartedness toward whatever you meet. have a certain kind of perfection and a certain kind of coldness is a result that's not too

[20:53]

So this warm-heartedness arises intrinsically as your natural expression. when he was talking about Shikantaza, Jiju-Yu Samadhi, Samadhi. He said Zazen is the expression of light. And when we do Zazen, Radiant light is what's being expressed because there is no interference.

[22:23]

And this is the source of warm-hearted practice. When a radiant light is being expressed, then warm-hearted practice naturally arises. to oneself and to others, and to whatever you need. So we can appreciate grass and trees, and the sky, and little animals, big animals, human animals. And we feel settled, and we have composure, because there's no worry about losing anything. So this radiant light and warm-hearted feeling replaces the feeling of self, takes the place of

[23:41]

Dōgen says, to study Buddhadharma is to study the self. This is how we study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self and study the self is to practice, warm-hearted practice. Just expressing this meaning by letting that happen. No interference. And we can appreciate whatever happens in our life. Whether it be a hard time or an easy time,

[24:51]

Whether life hurts or feels good, we always have our composure. And we're not leaning one way or the other. The posture of Zazen is to sit up without leaning to the left, without leaning to the right, without leaning forward, without leaning backward. This is the standard practice, just to be upright. When I had my installation ceremony as abbot in 1980, Something like, I can't remember exactly what I said, but I said something like, my practice is, without knowing, stand up right here, without knowing who I am or where I am.

[26:09]

And some people thought, oh, he's here, yeah, but he doesn't know where he is. But an open mind, not knowing anything really, so that you can respond to everything without preconceptions. Not knowing. comes up, you can respond.

[27:21]

Susan Giroux, she said, even though there's nothing to rely on, nothing fixed that you can rely on, yet something is always provided. Something is always provided. There's always a way. It's kind of like an adventure movie or an action movie. You know, the hero is always at a loss, you know, finds himself in a hole and there's nothing underneath, just a branch up there or something. I think those kinds of movies have a little zin in them. Thank you. have any question since you can't take life completely you take life and like it hasn't killing you can't kill completely oh yes yes that's why it's okay to eat meat

[29:47]

You know what, it's not good for you. Paul? It seems that there's something in the aging process that works to reverse the process of being open. I think it's easier when this point of view, and as we grow, we become more and more set in our ways, I think. It seems to be part of the aging process. Well, I think that it doesn't have to be. When we're young, we're very optimistic about life, you know. There's a whole... the whole world is before you, so to speak. And then at some point in your life, you realize that you're going the other way.

[31:10]

You're going toward extinction. So this is the beginning. You're going toward expansion. And then at a certain point, you're going toward extinction. And then your view gets narrower because you realize that you can't keep creating. the same way when life is expanding. But every stage of life has its enlightenment. And because so many people haven't figured it out, or haven't come to terms with dying, They can't see the advantage of it. They only see it as a disadvantage. True.

[32:15]

They only see it as a disadvantage. So, if you're really open, if your mind is really open, then you can learn something. facing you from that vantage point. And you're forced to deal with it. Whereas you're not forced to deal with it when it's expanding in the same way you are when it's contracting. So we see loss as something bad. If you're open, totally open to that process, it becomes a great advantage.

[33:22]

What about the way of accepting oneself? You say, this is who I am, and I accept myself with love. You say, this is the way I do things, and this is the way I do things. Yeah, I don't mean it in the egotistical sense. You know, some people say, well, this is the way I am and I can't change now, you know, and you just better accept me the way I am and blah, blah, blah. That's different than accepting your situation in your life and your imperfections as a place to practice. That's where you establish your practice. The person who just says, well, I am the way I am, you know, There's something to that. There's some settlement, but it's not composure. Maybe. That's stubbornness. Stubbornness has its advantages because when stubbornness

[34:34]

then you can transform stubbornness into wasted mind. So that same quality that we call stubbornness, when it's transformed, is perseverance. But learning how to die is what we're all doing. And it has to be okay. It just has to be okay. Otherwise, we're missing something. And each stage of the flower, you know, has some beauty to it and some purpose to it.

[35:50]

And we have to be able to find that. I was thinking a couple of days ago about this practice of being away preparing for dying and I had some doubt about one aspect of it, because it seems to me like dying, physically dying, is a very intense experience. It tends to be very terrifying, and a lot of what it feels like Zen practices is about getting very comfortable. Like I meditate and I get extremely comfortable in my meditation, very peaceful. And it's like the opposite of that kind of intensity. And I was thinking that maybe a better way to prepare for dying is get used to very intense experiences and be able to be calm in the middle of them, like bungee jump. Try to be one-pointed in the middle of a bungee jump.

[36:54]

I don't know how I'd actually do it when you're old, that would kill you. I don't know how you would artificially give yourself intense experiences in order to Jump off in the middle of zazen. We don't have to make extreme experiences in order to find our practice. I didn't want to hurt you, but... There was a practice, I remember in the 60s, there was this temple in Japan where they would take the monks out and hold their feet while the monks went to spread eagle over this big chasm.

[38:02]

And also, there's a temple in Japan where the older monks would shout and beat the younger monks and yell epithets, like your mother's... and just try to get them as angry as possible. You can wait until real things happen. Just go along with the way of your life. Eventually, you'll be visited. It's improbable.

[39:12]

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