I bow to teach the truth. our first day of Sashin and everyone was coming to Sashin from some other activity. So a lot of sleepiness on Wednesday.

[01:07]

A lot of people were very sleepy. And yesterday we were beginning to feel the effect of sitting for a long time. So I think yesterday people were hurting a lot. Today is like the middle day of Sashin. And I think both of those things are still going on. But we're becoming more immersed in our activity. We have various problems in zazen. Sometimes sleepiness, sometimes pain, and sometimes emotional problems.

[02:09]

sometimes it's hard to leave your problems outside the zindo. And you may find yourself obsessed with some idea or with some unresolved problem. And so the unresolved problem rattles around inside of your head and your body and causes a big problem. It's hard to sit well when you have a big emotional problem or even a small one. What is wonderful is to not have any thoughts or feelings in Zazen, but that's almost impossible, because even if you're relatively free of problems, something will still come up.

[03:24]

So if you have some big problems, either physically, some of us actually have physical problems which make it difficult. That's another side. There are various things that one can do. One is that If your problem gets to be very big, you can leave. But that still leaves you with your problem. So that's no good. The other thing you can do is suffer. That's no good. Or you can use your problem as a way to practice. You can use your problem as... Your problem can help you to practice.

[04:43]

Yesterday I was talking about the Tozan Zenji's five ranks which is a little bit intellectual and I'm a little hesitant to continue because except in a way that's not too heady. But You know, instead of talking about the absolute and the relative or form and emptiness or the real and the seeming as the two aspects, I'll talk about water and waves.

[06:00]

The first rank is the water within the waves. And the second rank is the waves within the water. And the third rank is waves are water and water is waves. no difference. And the fourth rank is how you make your way among the waves. How you swim in the waves, no matter what kind of waves they are. how you help others to do that, and how you bring that to, how you really devote yourself to doing that.

[07:35]

And the fifth rank is, no matter what you do, you can't sink. or whether you're down at the bottom or the top, it doesn't matter. There's no way that you can sink. Or sinking is okay and floating is okay. And it's a kind of pattern of our life, you know, a kind of outline of our life. And the first rank is about that water is just water. And when you understand that water is just water, and you understand the nature of water completely, then it's how you live.

[08:43]

in the various configurations of water and find your way. So in Zazen, in the Sashin, where Just sink to the bottom. That's our life here this week. Just sink to the bottom. Just immerse ourselves in water. When you go home, you'll find that you'll be swimming in the waves, the turbulent sea of this ocean.

[10:10]

But that's also water. That's what we have to understand. That's what the Tozan is telling us. That's also water. The waves are water. Waves are not something apart from water. So when we understand the nature of water, that's enlightenment. And when we find our way through, that's our practice. So it's practice within enlightenment. As Dogen Zenji says, even though we're swimming on the top of the water through the waves with our arms, our feet are walking on the bottom of the ocean, firmly planted on the bottom of the ocean.

[11:15]

That's enlightened swimming, enlightened walking. We never leave the bottom of the ocean, no matter what kind of waves we're swimming in. We don't get upset. So our life of practice, and especially our life of zazen, not especially, but our life of practice and our practice of zazen is to find ourself on each moment. Suzuki Roshi says that in our society we're very much oriented toward acquiring something or producing something or getting someplace.

[12:35]

And we forget all about what our fundamental effort is about because we're so caught up in our acquisitiveness and in our need to strive for something. we easily get out of balance. And we don't pay much attention to this fundamental way of life. We overlook it in our dash, in our running. So, Buddhist life is to pay attention to this point.

[13:54]

It's the fundamental point. How to find ourself on each moment. Not how to acquire something or how to get ahead in the world. It's quite different. It doesn't mean not to be involved in the world. As a matter of fact, we can't stay in the first rank. That's the rule. The rules are that you can't stay in the first rank, even though you have to be there, you have to get there. Enlightenment begins from finding ourself in the first rank, finding ourself at the bottom of the ocean. Then, the rule is we have to move out and start swimming. And all the rest of the ranks are how we swim.

[15:01]

What is the goal of swimming, actually? Where are we swimming to? And how do you do it? So in our sasheen, all of the ranks actually are present when we sit zazen. Even though in one sense you can say that There are two aspects. In one sense, you can say that zazen, or this retreat, retreating, is the first rank.

[16:02]

But in another sense, this first rank includes all the other ranks. This zazen includes all of those aspects of our life. Form is emptiness and emptiness is form. It's included in our zazen. And form is form and emptiness is emptiness. It's included in our zazen. And our effort to save all sentient beings is included in our zazen. And effortless effort, which is the fifth rank, is also included in our zazen. First, to sit down and drop body and mind, let go of everything, is

[17:16]

Emptiness is emptiness. Water is water, through and through. And our effort to sustain ourself is form is form. And the two are one thing. So form is emptiness, and emptiness is form. And our effort is not just for ourself. This is most important. Even though you're here, I'm here, And this is my zazen for myself.

[18:22]

It's not just my zazen for myself. This activity is for the benefit of everyone. If we don't understand that, we're just wasting our time. And fifth, when you can completely let go, this effort is not yours or someone else's. You don't know whose effort it is. So whatever you do, it's Zazen. So Zazen is not just this one activity.

[19:32]

Whatever you do, it's Zazen. In the fifth round. You don't have to wait, you know, until you're an old man to be in the fifth rank, or an old woman to be in the fifth rank. Fifth rank is right there, right away. All of the ranks are right there, right away. So there are two sides to our practice. One is the active side and the other is the passive side in zazen. We need to immerse ourselves completely on sitting, but that takes some good effort.

[20:53]

you know, energy, form, right form, good energy. When we sit, we need to focus all of our energy in one act, so that there's nothing left out. And that's the positive side of sitting. And the passive side is that we just let things be. And Zazen, you know, real Zazen is right in the middle, right at the line where those two meet. This is where our effort should be directed when we sit.

[22:04]

To put ourself into very exacting posture with effort and at the same time to completely let go of ourself. And that balance is called finding ourself. And we have to do it moment after moment. Because we're not statues. It looks like a statue when we sit. But that statue, you know, is very flexible. It should be very flexible. Not stiff. Not like a statue. It only looks like a statue. That's the appearance. But the nature is like water.

[23:08]

The statue on the outside, or the figure on the outside, looks like some wave that's been frozen. But the inside is all water. Very flexible. So most of the problems we have in zazen come from imbalance. There are mental problems, emotional problems, physical problems, and problems of fear, and problems, but they can all be reconciled in tsazen. One thing that we have to realize is that no matter how much we worry about something today, it's not going to help, not going to help at all.

[24:31]

Whatever you're worrying about today, You know, it's not going to help. If you want to do something about something, get up and do it. You know, go ahead and do it if you have to. But if you're not going to, so what? It's not going to help you to have something going on. I know that that's not going to get rid of your problems, but Nevertheless, our effort, no matter what's happening, there's always something that's hindering us, always something that's holding us back. But we have to go ahead anyway. That's the point. The point is, no matter what's hindering us, we have to go ahead. And just sit as strongly as possible.

[25:36]

But strong also includes weak. Or soft. Maybe not weak, soft. So maybe it's a balance between the firm and the soft. firmness of resolve and firmness of posture and softness of mind and softness of body, softness of breath. And as I say, most of our problems come from imbalance, lack of proper balance between these aspects.

[26:54]

When you're beginning to sit, nothing helps. You know, no matter what, nothing helps very much. You just have to kind of suffer through until you get used to sitting. But when you have some sense of posture and sense of how to sit, then you can really start working on balance. And when we sit, we pay attention to each part of our body, you know. You line up or focus on each part of your body separately. When you're focusing on your mudra, the whole posture is mudra. Sadhana is just mudra. When you're focusing on breathing, just breathing. But there comes a point

[28:03]

where it's very good to focus on everything together. Breathing, posture, pain, so that not any one thing stands out. Sometimes we say you should focus on your breath, you know, there's a lot of emphasis on watching your breath, counting your breath, But at some point, you can stop counting your breath. And you can stop even following your breath, consciously, when you have a view of your whole body. So whole body, everything is in view.

[29:07]

All parts of your body are in view and breath. And it's one organism that's working together in harmony. And then, pain in your legs is just one part of this organism. You don't have to focus on it as, it doesn't have to draw your attention. You know, pain may or may not be big, it may be big, it may be small, but big and small is something in our mind. We can make it big or we can make it small. And if we just include it as part of what's happening instead of as the whole thing, then you get a whole different perspective on what's happening in Zazen.

[30:11]

Sometimes it's very dominating, but try to, by opening yourself, And including it is just another thing, just another limb of your body. Just something else that's there. You can begin to enjoy zazen no matter what's happening. No matter what's happening, you can enjoy your sitting. Here we are sitting, you know, five days. And it can be either a torturous effort or nirvana. It's really up to you.

[31:19]

Nirvana doesn't mean that there's no pain or no problem. It just means that your mind is big enough to encompass everything. Whatever enters, your mind just grows bigger. If we have a very small mind, then nothing will fit in, but when it grows from the inside, you have to fit it in. You may keep your mouth shut, but it'll start growing from the inside. So, you just have to get bigger in order to encompass it. So, actually, we're quite limitless. And you should test out your limits during Zazen. In the Sashin, we're actually testing our limit.

[32:20]

And we're limitless. If you allow yourself to get bigger, boundless, then whatever comes up, you can let it be. That's what we mean by accepting things as they are. And even though you have some discomfort, you can be comfortable within your discomfort. So, that's what I would like us to work toward in this Sashin, just opening ourself up completely.

[33:23]

You may feel that you're already lost. You may feel that it's already too much. Our effort should be to find ourself at each moment, moment by moment. Find your balance. Find your self. And with a very firm resolve and a firm posture and a soft mind, to let things be. Don't resist. Don't fight. Fighting, you'll always lose. Because the pain in your legs has the whole universe behind it.

[34:25]

Just immerse ourselves in the bottom of the ocean. Just think to the bottom. Opening means, sometimes you have thoughts, you know, but it means always waking up. If you, when you have a thought, and you wake up, and there's, everything's gone, for that moment, are you awake?

[35:34]

So, moment, you know, just be awake for a moment. And when there's no thinking, your ears are open, and when you hear a sound, it's not like there's a sound out there. Sound is not out there, it's not in here. You know, where is that sound? What is that sound? Even though we may have a lot of problems in Zazen, and it doesn't go ideally as we would like it, so to speak, we're still sitting Zazen. Don't doubt that.

[36:38]

You make a bigger problem by saying, by telling yourself that you're not really doing zazen. Or because of some interference, so-called interference. There's nothing to interfere with zazen. Nothing can interfere with it. As long as your mind is big enough to incorporate everything. You may have a lot of stuff rattling around in your house, but that's your house. That's what your house is like. It's nice when there's no furniture. You open the doors and windows and the wind just blows through. Make some effort to see, you know, when there's no furniture, and the doors and windows are all open, and a cool breeze is blowing through, at least appreciate that for the moment that it's there.

[38:05]

It comes and goes. When all the furniture is there and the TV is blasting, creatures are knocking at the doors and windows. You have to be able to handle that one too. So, good luck.

[38:55]

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