for all these years, I can't say you behave like a friend. Although sometimes it does appear like it. Yet I can't say you behave like a foe either. Sometimes it does appear like it. What is it that's not a friend or a foe? It's your own mind. Is my mind your mind? the knees are like rubber and I think I'm about to fall down.

[01:23]

So I would say those are three or ten thousand things that could confirm me and yet I don't believe this has anything to do with enlightenment. What should I do next? somebody how to let go of something and he said this. And I thought that's true for him, but I don't do that. How do you do? traveled from India to China, from Japan to China and back, and we've just traveled to Japan and back.

[02:32]

So where are we? Well, I've done that here and I've done that there. So what's the difference? So far, there is no here or there. But there is here and there. to you.

[03:42]

Is that coming or going? Both, none of the above. And where are you? Wherever I am, I am. Wherever. Where is Heather? I mean, tell me your stories. Sensei, the way is very compassionate, deeply compassionate, more than I ever dreamed.

[05:52]

Are there really transgressions? Be careful of compassion. How so? This is kind of... I sometimes have problems with the forms, the Japanese forms that we practice, particularly the chanting that we do.

[07:13]

I don't understand the purpose for the Japanese, particularly the Japanese chanting. What is the purpose? Just chant. I don't understand the words. No one understands the words. So I don't feel lonely. What are the words? What does that mean? What does that mean? That's good. If you keep the question, then you have the answer. What's the meaning of that? If I were Japanese, I would be Everything that he chants is translated.

[08:15]

I'm very new here. I don't know very much at all. You've talked some about this come on, about finding unity and separation. And my question is, in everyday life, how do we resolve that koan doesn't come simply through practice, the insight of practice? Say that last part again, just simply the... Does it come through insight, the defining practice? Yes. It does. But... keep in mind the koan to be confirmed by the 10,000 things is enlightenment.

[10:06]

Confirmed how? Just be one with everything. That's confirmation. Do you care about it? Yes So, Jin Sensei, my mind is untroubled by a question this morning.

[11:20]

Is that questionable? Well, what's the question that your mind is untroubled by? It will not reveal itself. Except, who am I? Can you answer that? No, I don't think so. I'd rather answer it. Whoever I am shouldn't answer. Who is this? Silence. Anything you say is okay. Daughter, sister, friend, worker?

[12:26]

Not quite. How do we approach it? If we want to know, who am I? How do we approach it? In silence. Yes, but not quite.

[13:35]

How do you study yourself? With your help. Then forget yourself. I can't say I'll try. I mean, I could say it, but... You don't have to say anything. Sojin Sensei, I'm new to this practice and at times I meet people who have questions about Zen and about Buddhism and I always feel at a loss to be able to give them any sort of concise answer.

[14:59]

And attempts at longer answers usually end up being very confusing. Can you give me an answer I can answer them with when they say, what is this? You can say, thank you for your question. I will study more. Thank you for your answer. So Jun Sensei, what's the most important thing to remember? Always be honest. So, Jun Sensei, I find I judge and fault find all the time, so there is room for nothing else in my thoughts.

[16:42]

When that comes up, you can say, who's finding fault? Who is this that's finding fault? This is an investigation. how you study Buddhadharma. So when you start to find fault, instead of being attached to finding fault, you study Buddhadharma by saying, who is this that's finding fault? When that happens for me, then I start around in circles.

[18:11]

Who is this that is coming and going? And then keep spirals going. And so, there doesn't seem to make a point of stopping spirals. Well, when you find yourself doing that, then just stop. That's the time. then you can drop the cell. Surgeon Sensei,

[19:15]

guest and the host, the physician and the patient, the parent and the child. In the world, over time, they sometimes merge. They merge, and at the same time, keep their own place. So Jetsun say, when in the split moment, and just for a split moment, I know only the task at hand,

[20:26]

Where did the mind that was a moment before obsessing or anxious, where did it go? The same place where I came from. Well, how can I leave it there? There's no place you can take it to. Often, surgeons can say, often I have so many curious questions all the time. Yet, when I come to authority period or teachers, maybe because of upbringing, such a very difficult asking question.

[21:43]

And then when I get the answer, I have, I don't often get it, and I have more difficulty asking for something further. I'm wondering what's the point of keep pushing it and feeling so uncomfortable. And yet, maybe I think, My feeling is I should go back and keep asking. Is there some kind of help? The point is to feel uncomfortable and the answer is to be perplexing. Right on track. No problem. Please ask your And another problem I have is that my mind is not quick so that it takes me so much effort to keep coming back.

[22:58]

I appreciate the effort. Please ask your questions. I'll think about it. I'll answer it slowly. Sojin Sensei, sometimes I feel I have a piece of the cloth and I drag the rest of the cloth with me. Sometimes I feel the cloth is wrapped all around me and I feel no trace of it at all. And sometimes I don't feel that I have a handle on the cloth. Which view is the right view? What am I left with then?

[24:22]

What do you think? You. Are you sure? I'm sure of anything. That's right. You. Great. I was late this morning for Zazen, even though I was very enthusiastic about coming here this morning. What is the key to right effort? You don't tell me. Well, if you had told me, I wouldn't have noticed.

[25:31]

Well, sitting here this morning, I just felt like this whiny little kid. And I was just sick and tired of it, but I can't seem to get out of it. You want to get out of it? Yes. that's being trapped in myself. Well, is there anything to complain about? Yes and no. I mean, there's everything to complain about, and right now, I don't really have any complaints.

[26:34]

Yes, just keep that in mind. Always be free. Searching Sensei, um, I didn't know we were supposed to take our socks off. I was very moved by the phrase in the column, being confirmed by the 10,000 things, that my desire to say something impressive look is, could be, I could hold it as a way of being confirmed by the 10,000 things.

[27:36]

It's another way of looking at it. My question is, what do you do when you are approached for OM? Especially sensei, who are you that's different from me? It's in the perception. Sojin Sensei, desires are just incredibly powerful and just tenacious and huge.

[28:49]

And we have a choice of acting them out or not. At that point, when you have that choice, and you know it's a desire that's not going Suffer. And after you suffer, what do you do? Well, then I make a choice. And sometimes the compulsion is stronger than my ability. But so far I haven't given up trying. Well, yes, even though we have this strong desire, desires are

[29:52]

study Buddhadharma so that even though desire sometimes gets the upper hand, we can always pick ourselves up and continue on the way-seeking mind. So if we have a strong way-seeking mind, we have a way to pick ourselves up and continue. In that moment where you feel that way-seeking mind wavering, What do you do? Supper. Well, one can realize that not having It's not different than having.

[31:21]

So if you realize that not having is just as good as having, then you can save yourself. That's it. You got to just do that. So, Jin Sensei, if we are enlightened at birth, what happens? What happens? You get born. But why do we lose the... Why do we lose... Well, it becomes covered up.

[32:31]

With what? Not that we lose it, but it becomes obscured through the need to survive. And because of the need to survive, we generate So these are the things that we learn as we grow and they obscure enlightenment, original enlightenment. And then we practice in order to cut through greed, ill will and delusion, in order to reveal our original self. We have to lose it?

[33:42]

Whether we have to or not, we do. And unnecessary thinking comes from my small self. When I'm aware of that, I practice by letting go. reason it out.

[34:49]

You keep bringing your attention back. If you try to chase makyo away, then that's just more makyo. You keep creating more makyo, which is called delusionary thinking. We think of delusionary thinking as something very extreme. but it's not necessarily so extreme. It's just cover for the mind, covering for the clear mind. We covered clear mind with makyo, extraneous thinking, indulgent thinking, Let's sleep in. Shotaro sensei.

[36:08]

I find no wish in myself to serve the universe or anything even slightly more humble than the universe. Like somebody in need. Should I worry about this? Yeah. You should worry about it. But worry is also a problem. So, at least you should be concerned. But paying attention to the question is very good.

[37:21]

That's pretty cool. get down to I don't know. So what I rely on is maybe not knowing. Is that the same for all of us? You have to find your own place.

[38:49]

Sakyong Sensei, what is it that clings? And what is it that lets go? And why is it that even though the clinging is so fruitless, the letting go seldom comes? It's from fear that we cling. That's why it's hard to let go. Because if we let go, we'll fall. And until we fall freely, we won't know. how to let go is maybe the most difficult thing.

[40:12]

Because there is nothing to cling to. Even though we cling, there's nothing to cling to. Even though we grab something, that something is not something that will save us. Nothing that we grab And since beginning this, nothing's changed in my life.

[41:24]

Everything has changed. And I feel such a gratitude to How do I know if shame is justified? You know what I mean?

[42:53]

I'm not sure. If you try to figure it out, you just get deeper into it. So just accept it. But don't be... Accept it and let go of it. Once you accept it, and then go somewhere. Sergeant Sensei, I just returned last night from visiting my father in Massachusetts, who's very sick and will probably die sometime in the next few months.

[43:54]

And I will see him again, I think. But my question is, it's been a struggle for me to try and be with him, be present, and also let go. at the same time, and when I try to be present, then all these other things happen, feelings Being with someone in that position, all you can do is be present and both of you let go.

[44:58]

So there's still something. look for forgiveness. And then you have a clean place to start from. So even though it looks like the end, it's actually the beginning. So you have to find that beginning in the end. That's the most important thing. Or you don't look for it, you just give it. You don't expect anything. Do I have to be with my father while I'm doing it, or is it something I can do right now?

[46:06]

No, no. You can do it now. Because it's better where you are. You have to hold nothing. Hold nothing in your heart so that you can put it open and empty. And then that's what you can give them. It's pretty hard to do. It's not possible. It's possible. You can do it. So Jönsensei, the only question I have is really irritating me, and it's that I not only don't know the difference between form not being different from emptiness, and emptiness not being different from form, I don't even understand why it's important.

[47:16]

And I don't understand the whole Prajnaparamita, and when I listen to it I think, Why in the hell can't this be put in language I understand? Sojou's essay, on this windy spring morning, I remember the winter and I look forward to the summer.

[48:26]

For the weekend, my family went away. And I could find no reason as I lay in bed to turn off the television or stop reading. So can you please tell me, what is the most important point? It's a koan for our daily life.

[51:14]

If it's difficult, know that you have something. Don't shy away from the difficulty.

[51:30]

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