especially those of you, I think there might be a few in the room or online who are new or newish. And I want to acknowledge that you are arriving at a raw and difficult time for us. Our great friend, Hozan Khushiki, Alan Samaki, the abbot of this temple, has been in the hospital for about three or four weeks now in serious condition. I'm very happy to say that My understanding is that his pain continues to be well managed and he continues to breathe on his own.

[01:11]

And a few days ago, many of us heard he was moved from the ICU to a lower level of care on the general ward. So this is a heartbreaking and frightening situation for the Sanaki family, of course, who are at the center of our thoughts and our concern, but for the whole community, for all of us. It's sad and it's scary. and we don't know what's gonna happen. We just don't know. There are a range of possible outcomes. There are a variety of ways things could unfold, and there's no way to know.

[02:21]

And so that's the context, or part of the context for being here together today. And so I want to offer some reflections on that. Among many, many other things, Hozan is a poet. And so I wanted to start this morning by reading a poem. This is a poem by Kay Ryan, who some of you may know. She's a California poet, has lived for a long time up in Marin County. She was United States Poet Laureate about 15 years ago. And this is maybe my favorite poem of hers.

[03:28]

is called the Niagara River. The Niagara River. As though the river were a floor, we position our table and chairs upon it, eat, and have conversation. As it moves along, we notice, as calmly as though dining room paintings were being replaced, the changing scenes along the shore. We do know this is the Niagara River, but it is hard to remember what that means. As though the river were a floor, we position our table and chairs upon it, eat, and have conversation. As it moves along, we notice, as calmly as though dining room paintings were being replaced, the changing scenes along the shore.

[04:31]

We do know, we do know this is the Niagara River, but it is hard to remember what that means. So, I don't know how you hear that phone. But for me, there are a couple of things that I hear. We do know this is the Niagara River, but it is hard to remember what that means. It seems important to me that she says it's hard to remember. It's not impossible to remember, it's just hard. There's some impulse in us not to remember. And I think, I also hear, she doesn't say it, but to me there's an implication that it would be good to remember.

[05:40]

That it would be good to remember that the floor is actually a river. And we're putting our tables and chairs on a river, not on a floor. It seems to me that I don't know Kay Ryan and I don't believe she's a Buddhist practitioner. She's sort of Dharma adjacent. But this is a Dharma point. This is a Dharma point and it's maybe the most fundamental Dharma point. It is maybe the place where our whole tradition starts. The truth of impermanence and change. It's the most basic and important and powerful teaching in the Buddha way.

[06:48]

It's the truth of aging, the truth of death, the truth that everything arises and then falls away. A lot of you know, in David Chadwick's biography of Suzuki Roshi, Crooked Cucumber, I think it's the first page, or right in the opening, David Chadwick tells the story of being at Tassajara and asking Suzuki Roshi to sum up Buddhism. This stuff is really hard for me to get. Can you just explain it to me in a way that I can understand? And Suzuki Roshi says, everything changes. Everything changes.

[07:53]

So there's a more explicit teaching, Dharma teaching, that makes the same point. We do know this is the Niagara River, but it is hard to remember what that means. There's a teaching, very old, from the very first layer of our tradition, from the Anguttara Nikaya in the Pali Canon, about remembering, about things that are important to remember. It's called the five remembrances. Many of you will know this. These are the five remembrances. in I think Thich Nhat Hanh's translation or version. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

[08:55]

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature of change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand. So one thing I want to say about the five remembrances is that they're really explicitly a practice for everyone and for any occasion.

[10:06]

In the text, it really makes it clear kind of whoever you are and whatever is going on, these are good things to remember. It really encourages you to think about these points. And you know, not all the practices in our tradition are like that. Some of the practices in our tradition are very particular. You need certain kinds of conditions for them to work. not exactly a Zen practice, but you know, there's these very concentrated states that someone could enter and after some weeks of preparation, then you visualize Vyrojana Buddha in a particular way. That only works in... Oh. That only works. Hello?

[11:11]

There's still a green light. A demonstration of impermanence. It's back. In real time. It still sounds really great to us online. Okay, thank you. I think it's back. So the five remembrances are for everyone. The sutra says, you know, it's for men, it's for women, it's for lay people, it's for ordained people. The implication is whoever you are and whatever is going on, Think about these things, remember these things.

[12:14]

And again, not all our practices are like that. Oroyoki is a wonderful practice. And to do Oroyoki, I need a Tenzo and I need servers and I need a Zendo and I need an altar. There's a lot that has to happen. There's a lot that has to happen. Can you still hear me online if I just speak up? Yeah, okay. There's a lot that has to happen for Oryoki to be possible, but there's very little that has to happen for the five remembrances to be possible. I was thinking, you probably have to be awake. I, at least, do not have a developed enough practice to do them in the sleep. But if you're awake, you can remember these things. So in talking about the five remembrances, I want to tell a little bit about my relationship to these practices because, or to this practice, to this list of five things.

[13:31]

I came across this pretty early in coming to the Buddha Dharma. I think it was in a book by Thich Nhat Hanh. I know it's a practice that he recommends, and I know I learned this version, which is his language. And so for years, this was an important practice to me. There was a time I recited it every day. I remember my wife, Devin and I, we met at Casa Harla and lived there for a while. And then she wanted to go to graduate school. So I went with her and we moved across the country and we lived in Rhode Island while she went to school. We were there for five years. I remember in that first apartment in Rhode Island, one of the very first things we did, we were very sincere. I think we hadn't even unpacked yet, and I remember writing the five remembrances on a piece of paper and putting it on the fridge. So it was really important to me. It was a teaching that really resonated for me.

[14:34]

And for years, I knew it in this way. I am of the nature to grow old. I am of the nature to have a lot of help. I am of the nature to die. And at some point after, seven or eight years probably of practicing with it in that way, I came across or I went back and I read the original Nikaya text, and there's a whole second part. There's more. And it was really important to me because I didn't know, and it had been It had been powerful for me. I had a relationship to these words. They were really moving to me. They were part of my life. And to see that it was possible to take this teaching and actually go a little farther, to take another step. And so that step is that there's actually a next meditation.

[15:40]

So after reflecting on these five things, we are instructed, again, in lots of situations. This isn't a practice that... It's a broad practice. It's not only for particular settings or for particular people or particular times. But the next thing we're supposed to do is we're supposed to go through all of them again, and it's... I am not the only one who is of the nature to grow old. All beings are of the nature to grow old. I am not the only one who is of the nature to have ill health. All beings are of the nature to have ill health. I am not the only one who is of the nature to die. All beings are of the nature of that.

[16:46]

I know exactly how to do this one with Thich Nhat Hanh's language. I am not the only one to have all that is dear to me and everyone I love change. All beings are of the nature to have all that is dear to them and everyone they love change. I am not the only one whose actions are my only true belongings. All beings are the owners of their actions. So there's a way in which this practice that I had been doing as I became a practice that I could do as you. And I think the encouragement is when you're with people that you think or say, or remember in some way, you are of the nature to grow old.

[17:52]

You are of the nature to have ill health. You are of the nature to die. You are the nature to have those dear to you change. Your actions are your own. So for example, I could sit at the bedside of my dear friend and teacher, Hozan, and I could think to myself, I am of the nature to have ill health. And then I could think you are of the nature to have ill health. And then I could think again, I am of the nature to have ill health. And I can think again, you are of the nature to have ill help. And you can sort of hear what happens next is kind of without trying to, what happens, it becomes a we.

[18:59]

And the five remembrances become we are of the nature to grow old. We are of the nature to have ill health. We are of the nature to die. We are of the nature to have dear ones change. All we have is our actions. And it becomes a compassion practice. It's a practice that opens our hearts to each other. All the compassion practices in the tradition come out of that we, come out of that joining and connection.

[20:06]

The tradition is really wise about this. When in the teachings about compassion in the Pali Canon, in the oldest layer of our tradition, many of you know this teaching about the far enemy and the near enemy of compassion. So the far enemy of compassion is cruelty. That's obvious. Cruelty is the enemy of compassion. and we are instructed on the path to cultivate compassion. So if you notice yourself being cruel, knock it off. Just stop. But that one's easy, right? It's really obvious. Cruelty doesn't look anything like compassion. You can see it from a mile away that that's cruelty, that's not compassion. There's something called a niren. because it might look like compassion if you aren't being careful.

[21:11]

And the near enemy of compassion is pity. And pity doesn't come from the we. Pity is separate. Pity is, I feel sorry that something hard happened to you, but I'm over here. It doesn't open our hearts because there's not a we. Does that make sense? Pity separates us and compassion reminds us of the truth of our connection. So, what do we do?

[22:23]

What do we turn to? What do we rely on when things are hard? It is really difficult to have Hosanna in Lhasa. What do we do? I think one of the things we do is we connect to and we cultivate compassion, that big heart of we. And we connect to that and then we express that in really ordinary ways. You know, we try to be good to each other. We try to take care of each other. Of course, we try to do whatever we can to support the Sanaki family.

[23:25]

Coming out of our compassion, we take care of the temple and the grounds and the schedule and each other. All the basic, ordinary kindnesses that keep a community connected. really all of our practices, all the practices that we do are practices for hard times. So, you know, we also, we bow and we chant and we study and all of that can be really supportive when things are hard. You know, in our school, in our lineage, what we receive from Dogen and from Suzuki Roshi and from Sojin Roshi and from Hozan Roshi, The practice that holds everything else is zazen. And what we're doing today by sitting upright in zazen is a practice for when things are hard.

[24:48]

Because what happens in zazen is we sit still and we let go. Over and over and over again, we let go. Dogen Zenji called it dropping off body and mind. So we sit upright and still and a thought arises and we let go of it and we return to our body and our breath. And then another thought arises. and we let go of that. We let go of an out-breath and the world returns to us as an in-breath. We let go and we are given the next thing back. And if we're lucky, at least sometimes what we get back is more open, a little larger, a little freer.

[25:52]

and then we let go of that, and we see what we get back. We let go and we receive, and that is endless and open, and it's reliable. It's reliable. It's something we can always do when things are hard. Dovin Zenji talks sometimes about Zazen. We talked a lot about Zazen. use this phrase, self-receiving and employing samadhi. So that you, one way to think of what that is, is that you receive a self from the whole universe. A self comes and then you use it to practice. So you receive and you use. I think what I'm saying feels like it's also a part of that. You receive and you use, but actually you let go and then you receive.

[26:58]

So if you let go of your thoughts, you'll receive new thoughts. If you let go of your breath, you'll receive a new breath. Let go of our bodies, we receive a new body. When we let go of our life, we receive a new life. And this will happen over and over and over and over again. It is totally reliable, and it's what we do together. I just wanna say, I just want to say one more thing, which is that for any community when a person in leadership is absent, not able to be here, it's rattling, it's scary.

[28:09]

I guess I want to affirm my profound trust in the wisdom and the settledness and the maturity of this community in particular. So I think, of course, Zazen is always reliable. Our giant, vast, interconnected hearts are always reliable. But in this particular situation, in this temple, we have such It's such a, there's so much wisdom and settledness in this place. So there's leadership structures that are in place for the absence of an advocate. You know, the coordinating committee, Karen and Carol and Susan is here and taking care of things.

[29:15]

The board is here. The Eno and the Tontos. They're the senior students, the priests, all the roles and positions and everything that keeps a community connected and functioning is all here. And even more than that, in this place, there are just so many people. There's lots and lots of people who care, really deeply about this practice and about this temple. And they are stepping forward and taking care of things and figuring things out. This community has figured things out for a really long time and is figuring things out now and will continue to. And I just want to

[30:16]

I just wanted to say that I feel it really, really deeply. We are in good hands. We are in good hands. And I feel so grateful for that. So I think I should stop now and I want to open it up and invite thoughts or comments. I wonder if anyone has something they would like to say. When you were talking about going from the I to the we, it made me think about what Judy Fleischman referred to last week, which she heard from Norman, and it was, what could we do at this time?

[31:32]

Anyway, it was about the Tonglen practice, and I really think that the Tonglen practice really relates to what you were saying. So we can breathe in for ourselves and for Hosan and for all of us that we're of the being to age and the being to get sick. So we breathe that in for everyone and then we breathe out a sense of peace and calm. So I think that's a really good practice that connects with this talk. Thanks so much, I love that. I appreciated hearing that introduced talk last week. I think all our compassion practices come out of that, come out of that we, come out of that back and forth between I and you, and they are made for times like this. Yeah, for difficult times, they really did.

[32:35]

Even sitting in traffic, it's been very difficult to me. That's great. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much for your talk. Dave, right? Yeah. With the remembrances, I've also had maybe not as deep or long a connection as what you described, but they do seem very powerful to me, and I've sat with them before. Sometimes they feel encouraging, sometimes they feel quite overwhelming. And as you were speaking today, I felt this real fierceness come up in me. And I know one of the, I think I've heard in a talk years ago, that one of the practices or gifts that a Bodhisattva can share is fearlessness. And what I feel today is how do I cultivate fearlessness and share fearlessness in the face of those remembrances, which can be hard to hear.

[33:43]

You know, we all know where that river goes. So if you can share anything about that, thank you. Did everyone online hear the question? Kind of? So that the remembrances can be encouraging or they can be scared in a way. And so how to cultivate fierceness or fearlessness with the remembrances. And then, is it Ben? Yeah, Ben said, because we all know where the river goes. And I think part of it, again, is the we, that we're not alone. And even where the river goes, you know Suzuki Roshi's thing about the waterfall? Like where the river goes is okay.

[34:47]

We come from the source and we go back to the source. I'm scared if I think I'm alone. But if I'm with all these other amazing drops, thanks for being drops with me on our way down. And if we're all headed back into the river, it's less scary. So I think that's part of it. But I also think it's an ongoing practice and it's okay to be scared. And that's when we meet each other in a more ordinary way, you know, like to cry or hug each other or something. Yeah. Yeah. Much more basic. Thank you. Hey, Ross. Hey, Dave. Hey, Ross. That's another drop in the bucket. I appreciate you bringing up the five remembrances. They seem indisputable, just this is how it is.

[35:51]

A little bit later you mentioned the difficulties that arise, thinking about Huzan and others who are going through trying times, and we feel that. Could you say a little bit about where acceptance comes in to perhaps assuage some of the difficulty or Maybe close the gap, feeling separate. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, thanks so much. Did people hear Ross's question? Yeah, great. I feel like you said that so beautifully, Ross, because it feels difficult if I feel like it It should be some other way, and this is a mistake or something, but the more I see that this is just indisputably what it's like in the life of a drop, the less it feels, yeah, it assuages something.

[37:02]

So I think what you said about it's just indisputably the way things are, for all of us, for me at least, is settling or helpful. Does that? Yeah. Yeah, I had this experience with Sweet Pea dying, and I was around her for some of those days toward the end, and we were in Sashim. And what I kept remembering were Sochi's words about, we all go through this, it's now my time to go. And I was going back and forth between not wanting Sweet Pea the temple cap, for those who don't know who he was, to die, and yet this is a natural order of things. And I accepted it on a sort of a intellectual level, but it wasn't until I just cried and just had to accept it on a deeper level that it merged and it was easier to accept, or it was more affirming of the five remembrance and first to just dismiss that

[38:06]

Eloquent as it is, it's just a list. Yeah. Thank you, Dave. Thanks so much, Russ. I think there's something about like, we do know, we do know this is the Niagara River, but it's hard to remember what that means. And I think what it means is what you just said, you know, that this happens to all of us and that in some deep way, crying is really important. but in some deep way it's okay. Crying takes us out of the rational why or why not. It's just like this expression. Thank you. Thank you so much. Alan? I'll bring the mic over. Did you see anything online? I see many things online, but no hands. beautiful drops.

[39:06]

So I am thinking about Sweet Pea and also both people and pets that I've had who have died and you know my feeling is more that when I'm very close to them and they're very close to dying some of it seems to completely make sense. You know, it's really hard to explain it, but, you know, there's a resistance and a resistance and a resistance, and then it's just like, yes, this is what's meant to happen. I just wanted to say that. I feel bad about sleep, too. Online, were you able to hear, Ellen? I just really, really want to affirm that, you know, that there is something We get very, very close to something. Weep.

[40:10]

Well, the big we, of course. Weep, weep, weep. But I know for myself, I have touched into something very few occasions in my life that I think is some of what you're saying. And they are at births. And I've only been at two. and deaths and i've been in a few more but not many and they felt exactly the same in in terms of the vastness of what was happening that something vast was happening i um it's very hard to put into words but i wanted to say that yeah maybe we have time for one more um from the back Yeah, I just wanted to share a number of years ago when my mother was still and passing away, I discussed it with Hozan Indokrasan.

[41:20]

And I remember him at the time talking to me about the fact that my mother was really in denial and not accepting what was going on at all. And I recall him saying to me, well, most people can't handle it. that reality, it's the rare person who faces it and can accept it and step into it and let go. And I just wanted to share that, those words of Pozons. Thanks so much. Were folks able to hear? I think it is hard and in a way that's so much of what our practice is is to help us be able to right because it is hard and i'm i'm not a rare person who could just do that on my own but maybe with a whole set of teachings and practices and good friends along the way i could come into more and more genuine relationship with that so i i really appreciate that and i also think that's what

[42:37]

what the great gift of getting to practice together. Yeah. Well, maybe we should stop now. I want to suggest, I want to thank the Tonto Susan who had this suggestion for what we might do now that I think feels right, which is we'll end lecture and bow in the usual ways. And then, anyone who would like to, who would want to come up and make an offering in front of the abbot seat, this might be a good time to do that, as we've been doing after Zazen. And then, Director Sun. The next thing is Kin-hin, outside? Is it ringing? Or inside? It'll be inside.

[43:39]

It'll be inside. Okay. So after you offer, maybe go back to your seed and then we'll do kin-hin. Is that okay? Seem okay? Yes. Is that the best idea? Okay. Thank you all very much. Beings are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Beings are endless. I vow to awaken with them.

[44:42]

Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow commit. Things are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I and stand at our seats, and then the timekeeper will ring two bells and we'll look in.

[46:44]

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