Good morning. This is the last day of Sashin, so we must be very careful to be patient. in the sense of, not in the sense of waiting for something, but in the sense of being here. If I'm waiting for something, then there's some sense of anxiety, even if it's subtle. So, without waiting for something, just moment by moment, continue to the very end of the same kind of single-mindedness that we've been practicing all along.

[01:19]

So it's difficult. It's like when the horse gets close to the barn, they start to trot. It's very important for us to keep the same pace, same concentration, same attitude up to the very end. without anxiety or anticipation. Anticipation is difficult to deal with, but it's very important in our practice to not, to be able to not give in to anticipation. to be able to follow the rhythm of things, and to be in the rhythm of whatever activity we're doing is mindfulness.

[02:48]

To be able to discern the rhythm, to kind of feel what the rhythm is. And anxiety comes from, well, I don't want to go into the whole But one aspect of anxiety is being outside. When there's no inside or outside, there's no anxiety. And of course this is the secret of Zazen, when we're completely settled. Settled means no inside or outside, no viewing from the object, from the point of view of the subject, which the subject is ourself, and the object is whatever.

[03:54]

So if we see ourself as an object, we're not really together. So together, in a sense, means complete subjectivity, totally subjective. Totally subjective means everything is myself. This is the point of Zazen, not to get someplace or to cultivate straw legs, but to be completely subjectively present as everything, not with everything, but as everything. So instead of going, running around, seeing how much information we can collect in order to know everything,

[05:04]

which is rather buzzable, just to sit without thinking. Completely one-pointed and expansive. But anyway, patience is to just be so, in that sense. They say as soon as the mind moves, it doesn't mean having a thought, but it means as soon as some objectivity, our mind creates objectivity, sees ourself as an object, then we fall into duality. And so, Mahayana meditation, or Zen Zazen, is synthesis.

[06:15]

Theravada meditation is more, leans more toward analysis, analyzing the dormant, analyzing the self, until you get to nothing. Whereas Mahayana or Zen meditation, even though they look the same, is synthesis. Everything is one. All is one. And when we sit in Vajrayana, all is one. We don't discriminate. We don't discriminate into objectivity. So these are two different sides. analysis and synthesis. And in this machine, I've been putting some emphasis on analysis.

[07:23]

And usually we don't... It's a little unusual because we don't usually speak in terms of analysis. But what I'm doing is applying a kind of analytical or Theravada style to our Zen synthesis meditation. Because actually both is necessary. But I'm not doing it in a way that we sit around analyzing, but in the sense of awareness, only for the sense of awareness that it offers us. And it's valuable to think in these terms. And as I said, I think, before, if you're going to think,

[08:28]

Anyway, you might as well be thinking positively. We say, at the end of the meal chat, we say, to exist in muddy water with purity like a lotus. That's our practice. Actually, that's summarizing our practice, to exist in muddy water with purity like a lotus. Religious practice, all religions are always grappling with the problem of purity and impurity. What's pure and what's impure? And always dealing with how to separate the pure from the impure. really meet a lot of difficulty with trying to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

[09:42]

And they go round and round, you know, trying to get all the pure stuff on this side and all the impure stuff on this side and making two piles. But actually, purity only exists within the impure. We try to sometimes create a state where we try to get as pure as possible. And actually Zazen is a kind of purifying process. It purifies our body and mind and our soul. In Buddhism we don't have one. But as long as we know we don't have one, we can say so.

[10:45]

So our process, or the act of zazen is a kind of purification. But our Zen students are not saints. schools of religion, including Buddhism, they try to produce saints. But in Zen, we don't really put emphasis on producing saints. Zen students are kind of rough people. Because we can't do anything else, we have to do Zen. We're not so good at being pure. So we have to resort to this kind of rough, tough practice. So we recognize our impurity, actually.

[11:57]

During Zazen, We're kind of like the lotus. I can really visualize sitting up straight, in good posture, breathing, it's like the lotus, growing out of all this dreck. But it's wonderful. If we reject the dreck, then we're denying ourselves in some way. We're denying reality in some way. while we're sitting there, all these thoughts come up. Unwanted, so-called unwanted thoughts. But actually, we neither want them nor not want them. Purity, our pure practice, is not to try to reject the impurity. The impurity, actually, As it comes up, whatever comes up that's not part of our intention, we just recycle into the stream of zones.

[13:14]

We don't say, oh, this is bad, or oh, this is wonderful. Either way, you know, is getting off the track, falling into duality. How many people during this sashing, these seven days, have not had a sexual fantasy? That's what I thought. So, you know, like, what do you do with that? What do you do when strong feelings come up, strong desire, strong emotions and thoughts? You just let them come, and then turn them back into the stream of zazen. And as Suzuki Roshi used to say, it all becomes compost.

[14:24]

And the lotus keeps growing out of it. And you can't say, you know, which is pure and which is impure. You can point to it and say, well this is pure and this is impure, but actually it's just all that it is. Everything is just what it is. It's like precepts. There are three ways of looking at precepts. One is Hinayana way, so-called, which is very literal. Don't kill. Don't steal or lie. Don't have sexual misconduct. Don't take intoxicants. Don't slander. literally, trying to keep precepts literally, is narrow view.

[15:33]

And then there's Mahayana view, which is a synthetical view, that everything is just what it is. And without judging good or bad or right or wrong, from a human standpoint, Everything exists just as it does, and is beyond any kind of judgment. And then there's the Bodhisattva precept, or Bodhisattva attitude to precepts, which is given literal understanding or interpretation, and given synthetic understanding or interpretation, without rejecting either one and using them both, because they're both correct, you decide what to do on each situation, moment by moment.

[16:44]

So it's hard to say what's pure and what's impure. It's hard to say exactly what's right and what's wrong, because what's right on one moment may not be right on the next moment. Some things seem to be right or wrong most of the time, but not always. And our life is very subtle. I think it's very easy to hear this kind of description of how to work with precepts as a kind of, let's say, payer, you can do anything you want to.

[17:58]

What happens in our world when we deceive ourselves about what it is we can do? Anyway, I think there's a troubling aspect to what I can do, which is... Right. You could. But? Given the nature of reality, somebody will make some mistake because of that. No matter which way you turn it, somebody will make some mistake because of it, or use it to their advantage. If you hand somebody the crown jewels, they'll use them wisely, or they may not use them wisely, but that doesn't mean the crown jewels are wrong.

[19:05]

But I'm not quite ready to discuss that. Anyway, I don't really want to get off into precepts. I was just kind of using precepts as a way of talking about right and good and bad and right and wrong. And I wanted to express those three understandings, which are open to discussion. And we should I don't say we should, because we say we should too many times, but I think it would be helpful for us to discuss it a lot, those three aspects of meaning and precepts, so we can refine our understanding. Various thoughts, feelings are coming up and we turn them back into the stream of zazen without judging them as to whether they're good or bad, right or wrong.

[20:30]

If they don't fit with our activity, we just let them go and they become energy, or the ground. out of which this lotus, this flower of our posture is growing. And when I sit in Zazen, I really feel like I'm growing. I have that feeling. My own personal experience of Zazen is kind of like a tree. Not so much a flower, but like a tree. I try to stretch my waist, stretch my upper body so that it feels like it's always growing up. And at the same time very flexible like a tree, you know, it sways in the wind and kind of groans a little bit. But without groaning, it's just rooted and my legs are like the roots.

[21:38]

And this hara is like the crown where it meets the ground. Very wonderful. And my arms are like the limbs of the tree. And just keep it all growing and in balance, or let it grow, and keeping it in balance. the thinking just going into that process. So I was introducing the seven factors of enlightenment because it became very clear to me that those factors, even though they're unspoken, because we don't speak about stuff so much in Zazen, we're very silent about it, are really present. And it's what we're dealing with all the time. And the other day I was talking about the five controlling factors of mind.

[22:52]

And several people said, and I realized this after I said that, I talked about that, that I needed to say that that was the second factor of enlightenment. The second factor, which is investigation, part of that is the five controlling factors. They come under that category of investigation. Always controlling these powerful forces, and not controlling in the sense of holding tight, but harmonizing. If one gets too far out, it has to be harmonized with one of the others, or several of the others. Sometimes faith, energy, and concentration, which are forceful powers, need to be pulled back by the concentration.

[24:01]

which can hold all three from going off in some direction. So since Zazen is centering, the main thing that we do in Zazen is centering. And centering means balancing. And we use our muscles to a certain extent to keep the form. But refinement of centering and balancing means less and less effort, more refined effort. The more that you can center and balance and concentrate in that way, the more refined your effort becomes. And so you're using the least amount of effort to do the most work. And that's a very satisfying kind of effort, you know, to be able to turn the world with your fingertip.

[25:09]

So that kind of refinement of energy, refinement of effort, so that you're not wasting a lot of effort when you begin to sit. Beginner Zazen is always a lot of wasted effort, because you don't have the refinement. And so Zazen becomes much more difficult. We always really appreciate beginner's practice, because it's so pure. You don't know what you're getting into, exactly. And your effort is very naive, and very very pure, actually, because of that. And you take each thing as it comes, because you don't know what to expect. And advanced practice is exactly the same.

[26:14]

Middle practice is, oh, I know what Sashin is about. Last time, It was, I had these experiences, and so that'll probably happen again. I'll prepare myself for what happened last time. But we can't prepare ourselves. No matter how much we try, we can't prepare ourselves. Because not only, as you know, one sasheen is completely different than the last, one day is different than the last, one zazen period may be the same as the last, but it's different One moment is different than the next. So, how we do Sushumna is from moment to moment. You gotta go from moment to moment. That's patience. It's not anticipating the next moment. And it's very difficult to not anticipate the next moment.

[27:19]

If we don't anticipate the next moment, we can sit still. As a matter of fact, we can sit through the whole machine without moving if we don't anticipate the next moment or anticipate anything. Well, that may not be the ultimate truth, but it does work that way. So that's calmness of mind. It's a form of patience. And then time takes on a different aspect. Because since we're not going anywhere, or expecting anything,

[28:22]

Just settle on the moment. It's only just now, just this moment, which is a kind of reality. No past or future, but past and future exist as this moment. So pure practice is without judging anything, good, bad, right, wrong, just letting go of whatever is not necessary. So when we can actually exist in that moment, moment by moment, without anxiety or thinking about the next moment, that's pure practice, pure non-dualistic practice.

[29:57]

pure non-dualistic existence. When we leave sashimi and enter into the world of activity,

[31:05]

how we extend that non-dual mind into our activities and what our practice is. So that whatever we're doing, whatever is going on, whatever activity we are in, So, during Zazen, our mind becomes carried off, our consciousness becomes distracted, and we constantly bring it back. That's called waking up to the present.

[32:11]

without judgment. So, pure practice is accepting the dross, or whatever comes, not rejecting anything. knowing how to use everything in the appropriate manner. We talk about impurity, but actually, is there anything really impure? It's just our view. We just have a view of impurity. If you look at garbage, which is decaying, the flies are coming around. Just wonderful, pure activity for something. It's not nice for us, but you can't say that it's not nice for the flies, the maggots, the bacteria.

[33:35]

After all, they're enjoying the room. We're enjoying our world, which is to some huge being of which we are a molecule. Maybe we look like little worms down there. Oh, look at those wiggly things. I wonder what they're doing. uh... I appreciate it.

[35:05]

I'm letting go. What comes out of me is a lot of shadow. And I'm trying to put out a certain amount of anxiety and fear and anxiety. That if I, when I pull myself back to a center point, a center control point, two seconds later, And yet, it also doesn't seem that what's meant is to enter into it completely and sit in there and really be involved in all those things. Yeah, one of the big problems we have is worry. You know, worry that we're not doing it right. Worry that that's something interfering with our doing it right. I think you have to get used to those.

[36:16]

And the more you get used to it, the less worried you are about distractions. This is one of our big problems. It's one thing to have distractions. It's another thing to be worried about it. Being worried about it is almost worse than having it. As a matter of fact, it is worse than having it, if you want to judge. Let's say it's on the same level as, without judging, it's on the same level as it's just another distraction. Worrying about having a distraction is just another distraction. Worrying about getting rid of thoughts is just another thought. We're not trying to get rid of thoughts. I don't know. We're not really trying to get rid of thoughts. We're trying to get rid of thoughts It's in the same category as trying to get rid of your ego. If you try to get rid of your ego, your ego will come back even stronger.

[37:25]

If you try to get rid of your thoughts, your thoughts will come back even stronger. Don't try to get rid of anything. That's judgment. Just put your attention on what you're doing. In other words, you know, get out of here. Get out of here. Stop biting me. But just look ahead. Never mind about stuff that's bothering you. Just look ahead. Just go ahead. And maybe it'll be out at Tassajara during the summer, there are these little flies. really teeny flies, and they kind of fly right in front of your face, and they come into your eyes, and they suck them. They kind of like to take the moisture out of your eyes.

[38:30]

But they hover right there in front of your face, and you walk around, right there in front of your face. Get out of here! And then after a while, you know, you just let them be there. You just go about your business. Did you ever see pictures of aborigines in Australia? Covered with flies. They don't even think about it, you know. Flies? It's just part of the landscape. Part of their face. We're going to pick up a lizard and eat it. We're really worried, you know, we want everything to be very pure. We're looking for some kind of, we think we're supposed to have some kind of pure mind, which means nothing is in it.

[39:36]

You can do that, it's possible to do that, but that's not something, even though we're led to believe that it's something. And even if we're told that it's not, we still look at it. Our mind is like a white sheet of paper, Or the blue sky. I think a white sheet of paper is okay, but a blue sky is maybe better. Because in the blue sky, it's just a blue sky. And then a bird flies through the blue sky. Or clouds. or rain, or lightning, or thunder. But the blue sky is just the blue sky.

[40:40]

It's the blue sky of thunder and lightning, or the blue sky of rain, or the blue sky of birds, or airplanes, or whatever. It doesn't defile the sky. The sky is never defiled, because Clouds and thunder are rolling through it. And our mind is the thing. You know, it's wonderful to have a clear mind, but if you keep trying to push the clouds out of the mind, you're just desiring some kind of special state of mind. So, God's mind is no special state of mind. It's not cloudy mind or clear mind. If it's clear mind, if there's nothing in, that's wonderful.

[41:46]

If it's full of lightning and thunder, that's what it is. Whatever it is, states of mind are changing. Constantly changing, moment by moment, second by second. There's a different state of mind. In the same way that when we sit without anxiety, it's just Zazen. It's just settledness from moment to moment. So even though something is going on in your mind which you don't like, the refining process of Zazen is not to be bothered by it. Calmness of mind is not to be bothered by something going on in your mind, but just to let it be. That's non-attachment, equanimity.

[42:48]

The other night, we had, I think it was a so-called white rider, When the rice was served, when I was looking at it in the pot, I thought, it's probably got something on it to make it tasty. And then when I got it in the bowl, I could see that it was... And then when I went to eat it, I realized, well... it's not even cooked. It really doesn't matter how many you have, it's not even cooked. And so my mind is really moving around. And all this time we've been having really nice meals, you know.

[43:51]

Every meal has been, had a lot of heart and soul to it. And it's one didn't come up to that standard. And so it really, you know, equanimity went out the window. And calmness of mind went out the window. But then I thought, well, monks are supposed to eat whatever they find. So mindfulness came back in the picture. And then I thought, I think I'll just eat it. And then I thought, maybe I should say something subtly to the cook to let him know that it was like it was. But if I do that, I'm just backbiting.

[44:54]

Why can't I just eat it without even thinking about it? So I tried to eat it without thinking about it, and I did, but still all this stuff was going on. But my effort was to eat it without making a fuss. So I felt that was pretty good, given the circumstances. So anyway, mindfulness and equanimity and concentration and subtleness return. Even so, you know, I still remember it. I still remember it. There's no reason to remember it. But I still remember it.

[45:56]

It's a kind of residue. But, that's just life. So, we have three ways of thinking about precepts. confession, rather than confession, I would say about me to recognize. Yeah, it is, because Whatever comes up into your mind, you recognize and avow it.

[47:00]

You say, well, this is my karma. That's what's actually coming up, is karmic residue in your mind, and it bothers you. Sometimes we'll have one thing in our mind And it's drawn as a tape, you know, to the whole machine, or two things, you know, or three things. But, we do tend to have themes. And things go, ah, ah, ah, ah. And that, we kind of suffer from that, you know. And we can't have a clear, you know, settle. It makes it less easy to settle because of that. So, the lesson from that is, you know, be careful in your life, that you don't create, keep creating situations through your karma that's going to make it difficult for you to practice.

[48:11]

Doesn't that kind of get you back to keeping the precepts? If I'm creating a lot of stuff, when I sit inside of it, it's all going to come up and clank around, and the old kid can. That's one reason why it's hard to sit still. And a lot of people don't like it, because a lot of stuff comes up, and it's not easy to forget it. You're not just there for seven days, right there in front of you, peeking around in your mind. It's hard to take. It makes a rather humorous way of thinking that generally our mistaken notion is that we're sitting Zazen in order to become good, but instead we're sitting Zazen in order to have good Zazen.

[49:25]

But if one goes with the other, either way, backwards or forwards, we're supposed to win. So, yeah. Harmonizing. Harmonizing process. so that you don't get off balance one way or another. Keep staying centered. So it really, you know, if we redesigned it, we should take to heart

[50:34]

that when we're not sitting with our legs crossed, that we should be dealing with our life. You know, it's very true that to get our life together so we can sit down, if for a instant, that's what it's about. I mean, that's one side. We put a lot of emphasis on our practice. But the other side is when you're not sitting Zazen, then you do. That's a big subject that we really need to explore more. Not explore, but put emphasis on. What are you doing when you're not sitting cross-legged? How are you? So, pretty soon, you know, we'll be out there in the world.

[51:50]

And what will we be doing? Big question for a while. That's another thing I think we need to deal with. I just want to say one more thing. And that is that it is at 5 or 5 we're going to have, I mentioned this before, shosan, which is question and answer period, which is sort of formal. And I think a lot of you have done that, some of you haven't. Gil will explain how to do it later. I just want to mention it, and you'll be asking me the questions. Sometimes it's called Dharma combat, but I don't necessarily think of it as combat.

[52:58]

I would rather call it a Dharma dialogue. If you have something that you want to battle out, I'll battle it out with you. During the dialogue, think and ask some questions which have some substance to it. meet you with my response. And it's rather than combat, it's like together we bring out the Dharma for each other and for all of us. So please, think of something to ask.

[54:01]

Complications in faith and energy. Do these run simultaneously or do they occur? They're all aspects or qualities of one thing. Actually, they don't exist by themselves. So they exist simultaneously. They have a balancing factor. Like the wings of an airplane, and the fuselage, and the stabilizer, and the rudder. They all exist at the same time. Things get out of balance. There are qualities of light.

[55:33]

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