I am so grateful that, actually, you don't need to be told anything this morning, that the, really, the only offering here, you've already been offered and you've taken it up and are proceeding in that way, and I'm happy to be doing that with you and feel off the hook about what I might say. Partly, you know, it's the seventh day of Sashin, I couldn't imagine sort of getting out books and studying at this point, and partly, a few days ago, I thought of something that I wanted to say and then Greg gave his talk and I wanted to incorporate something that Deng Xian had said and then yesterday, Mel and Suzuki Roshi said it all, so that's fine.

[01:01]

I'm going to say it over again today, the point that I wanted to make, and it may not take so long, and if that's true, after that, if you have questions, that's good, and if you don't, I've also thought of telling some stories. So, I'll tell you more about that later if we get there. So, the thing that Deng Xian said that fit right into what I wanted to remind us of was the first part of his poem, earnestly avoid seeking outside lest it recede far from you, and I think this is such a basis of our practice, and so a little bit complicated, what does it mean?

[02:05]

What is seeking outside? When I was president of the Zen Center, I was living in San Francisco and I would come to Tassajara regularly and it seemed to me that the people at Tassajara were quite naturally in a slightly different place than even the people at San Francisco and Green Gulch in terms of this seeking outside or not, and the way that it showed up was in the problems that people were having that we have, we have a tendency to look for where is the cause of this, and I think a natural human tendency is to look outside and find something to blame, but at Tassajara, almost without exception, the people were blaming themselves. Now, I know that doesn't always happen,

[03:08]

we can blame each other and the schedule and the food, and we can find lots of things outside to blame, but almost always along with that goes some self-reflection. So, I think on the continuum of seeking outside versus seeking inside, that's somewhere over, it's turning toward me and what's going on with me in this situation, which is helpful because at least it's in the area of effective study. If we're studying out there, that's fine, we might get to know something about it, but it doesn't actually impact in the way that studying in here impacts. Of course, the boundaries are not that simple,

[04:10]

because what happens in here is totally affected by what happens out there, so as we're studying this karmic body and mind, of course, we're constantly being impacted by each other and by events and by everything. It's so interesting to me that one of the main poems or teachings of Soto Zen, the merging of difference and unity, such a big part of it is made up of these nothing phrases, like eyes and sights, ears and sound, so what is it talking about? But actually, I think that's crucial in our practice, is actually that's what our experience is made up of, this supposedly outside coming in and also inside also meeting those senses and then our response to them.

[05:11]

So, in this studying, as we've learned to turn our attention, quote, inwardly, I think a further confusion happens. We look inside and we see a mess, right? Various times, sometimes we see things we like, but a lot of the time we see things we don't like, and we think there must be some mistake. They couldn't have meant this is what I'm supposed to walk around with and work with, so there must be some other me that would be better for studying. Without even thinking that, it comes up kind of naturally, and in my personal experience, it's usually, I don't know if to call it vague,

[06:18]

or maybe it's so innate that I don't even notice. I'm just discounting this one and somehow leaning toward that one, this one that would be more presentable or more helpful or better to practice with. And again, we're actually looking, I don't know if it could be called outside, because it's this thing we've made up in our mind, but we're not looking at what's actually presented to us, what's arising moment by moment in this karmic body and mind. So, identifying that movement of our attention, which is sometimes called judgment, or goes hand-in-hand with judgment maybe, is very helpful to our practice to be able to see when we feel the urge to practice

[07:27]

or want to use our effort, and then we look, and then the feeling that comes up is, or as Deng Xian said, I still have some habits that haven't been eradicated. I said, great, does that sound familiar? I still have some habits that haven't been eradicated. Of course, he went on to say, he had this conversation with his teacher, and at the end he says, basically, it would be a lie to say I'm not joyful. It's like I'm grasping a pearl in shit, which is a good clue to us about when we notice that we have habits that aren't eradicated yet, what to do with them, like get in there. It's not exactly get in there and mess around in the shit. It's more like open your heart.

[08:29]

More like open your heart to the shit. What is the Buddha nature of this? It's okay, I'll tell stories about him in a minute, he'll wake up. Sorry. Let's see, is there anything else I want to say about that? I think this is really hard for us to believe. Somebody asked something about faith the other day. I do not think that faith in Buddhism is trying to talk ourselves into believing something. So, the fact that it's hard for us to believe that my particular problem or problems

[09:35]

are really what I'm supposed to be studying, or if we do believe that, we think, well, if I study them hard enough or in the right way, they will go away. So, to actually just be open-hearted to these problems and what is the Buddha nature, what does it mean that they are Buddha nature, is very hard for us to believe that that's what we're supposed to do. And I would suggest that instead of trying to convince yourself of that, that you try it once in a while. Focus on something simple and see what happens. And if, in fact, it turns out that that problem was, you know, what happens to it? Does it actually turn out to fit in the situation? Is it beneficial? Does it transform?

[10:39]

If that happens, then I think your faith or confidence or courage will grow. And I think that's one way of talking about what's happening here during a practice period or during a period of zazen, even. In some ways, I think of zazen as one of the biggest acts of faith that we do where we go sit in a room facing a wall for 40 minutes and let our life run amok without our controlling it. It's like, you know, according to some states of mind that we can be in, it's totally crazy. Like, shouldn't you be calling people and making sure that they, you know, they know where you're going to be and what they should think about you and what they should do and, you know, keep them in line and you're going to go sit in this room and let it all happen? So, you know, we sort of distract ourselves from that by thinking,

[11:43]

well, I'll go sit in that room and make myself into a better person and then I'll be better suited to call them. But really, you come in here and you don't know if you're making yourself a better person or not and you're just sitting here, you know, while the world goes on. And I think one of the things that happens is, by that, our faith, confidence, courage to live in the world without controlling it increases. But you don't have to believe me. Try it out as you are. And what happens to these problems, in my experience, is quite varied.

[12:46]

You know, sometimes if we are open-hearted to them, if we essentially do Zazen with them, you know, if we take a stable position physically, you know, standing, sitting, lying or walking down, we try to be stable. Walking down? No. Standing, sitting, walking or lying down. We try to be stable so that we can handle what comes. And then we have an open-eyed attitude. You know, or we have an open-hearted, open-minded attitude. And if we do that, then what happens to the things that we call our problems or our habits varies. You know, sometimes they just fade away. Some of them, we see them and they're like so weird that we drop them.

[13:50]

You know, they're such like wrong ideas. Some of them continue, you know, even when we see them, you know, we see what we're doing and we see that it really doesn't work and it's causing suffering for me and others and it still goes on. If we keep watching it, we usually learn more of the same. You know, oh, I really am causing suffering for myself and others. But if we are then, if that's true, if we're causing suffering for ourself and others and we're trying then perhaps not to do that particular thing or let's just say if we're staying balanced, so however, whether we're doing it or not, there's not like total jumping in with both feet to it. The energy going to it starts to ebb a little bit. So even if it continues and it often continues as a thought or an emotion,

[14:56]

you know, we might stop doing the action but the emotion might still arise or the thoughts about this might still arise for quite a while. But if we're seeing it and we see sort of what the nature of it is, how it comes about, the energy to it wanes. Now, whether it ever goes away or not, you know, I don't think that's up to us. That's up to dependent co-arising, I guess. You know, how deep is it? How deep is the habit energy? But it can happen actually almost as a benefit. Like, I should just make a general apology for having said everything I'm going to say before. So if you've heard it before, I'm sorry. So I've probably said this before too, but one of my problems,

[15:59]

which I have really not liked, is a sense of panic when, you know, now, Keith, actually, you know, for the last 30 years, Keith, you know, there are various forms, is angry at me, looks the other way, disagrees, and in some way, he stops validating me. And my response to that, which right these days, you know, having been together for 30 years, is not so strong, but in the beginning, it was like terrible, you know. He wants to, I don't know what, you know, go somewhere with a friend of his, and I'm like just devastated. Maybe some of you have experienced this. And I hated that. I hated being that kind of a person. You know, it's like dependent. It's a terrible word. It's dependent.

[17:02]

And, you know, so that made it worse, but it didn't make it go away. The feeling was still there. It was terrible. And it, you know, went on for years, years and years. And it slowly ebbed for lots of reasons, lots of practice, and, you know, many permutations on my path. But still, years later, once in a while, it would still come up, like this sometimes panic, sometimes just like dread or a hole, you know, some place where I don't know who I am or I'm not anybody maybe. And at some point, it could come up as almost like a welcome old friend. Believe it or not. It was like, oh, here's a clue to a way that this karmic body and mind manifests self-clinging

[18:11]

or manifests looking for a self. And it's not there all the time anymore. So I better look at it while it's here. It was very, very interesting to have this, you know, terrible demon turn into something that was actually, you know, I still, it wasn't pleasant. Never got to be pleasant. But it did get to be a real teacher, a real teacher. Okay, I think I want to stop there and ask if you have questions. Yes, Trevor. Like you said, it takes a lot of faith to believe that these problems we have is buddhism. But faith in buddhism isn't trying to get ourselves to believe something.

[19:12]

So how do we keep from falling into the trap of coming to the zendo and doing zazen in order to keep ourselves just as mind and body? Did you hear him? I think, tell me, I think he said the last part was how do we keep from falling into the trap of coming to the zendo and doing zazen with the goal of convincing ourselves that this mind and body is buddha. And I would say just turn it just a little bit into a question. Just come to the zendo with the question, is this mind and body buddha? And with the question about these, you know, habits, problems, is this buddha? So we don't have to go all the way to it is or it isn't, just... Because if you're honest, you don't know. I mean, when we know, we know, but there's lots that we don't know.

[20:14]

And sometimes when we're in the middle of a problem, we really don't know. But we also don't know that it's terrible, which is what we mostly keep telling ourselves. So... Is there anything else? Yes, Glenn. So based on all that, well, what is freedom? How does freedom arise? How does it arise? What is it? Well, yeah. What is it? What would I say it is? Well, I think it's freedom to love, freedom to act, freedom to live. And how does it arise? Freedom to be who we are. How does it arise? Well, you know, in some ways I think it's always happening. It's like, here we are, a comic, a karmic, a comic, a comic, a comically karmic, sometimes,

[21:25]

body and mind, sitting in the world with these senses, right, and this mind that interprets the senses, and things come at us, and responses happen. It just happens, like somebody hears a blue jay and it hurts. And somebody else hears a blue jay and it's like pretty, you know. I mean, people have different karmic bodies and minds. And so, you know, response, response, response, response is happening. And the only problem in that, in terms of freedom, I mean, that's freedom, as a human being, to have responses, or as a living being even, to have responses. The problem is, I think we have... Let's see, where should I start? Let's see. First we have, as humans, we have an idea, we have a sense that I'm a separate self.

[22:31]

We just, we're born with that. But we're nervous about that because we can tell right away that there's something fishy here. I can't exactly get a hold of what it is. And what's more, it keeps changing. And what's more, I hear it's going to die. And all the proof is going toward that. And as we live longer, it gets more and more evident it's going to happen. So we're uneasy. We have this sense of self, but it seems a little vulnerable. So we immediately start building edifices. And we take this idea, and we do this, and here's me, and I'm okay, I'm really here. I'm really here, I'm really here. And if I can't be this, okay, I'll be this. So we're very, very, very busy. And we're threatened all the time. All the time by reality. And by these responses that are happening internally and externally. So we're busy and we're afraid.

[23:35]

And that's the hindrance to freedom. So as we, for instance, sit here and see that the world goes on, when we walk out of the Zendo 40 minutes later, or seven days later, or three months later. If, when you get out there, you find out your life is still there, then I think we have a little more ability, actually capacity, to act freely. Because fear has settled a little bit, it's dwindled a little bit. Just by experience. Devin. Yes. Yes. Oh, well. Let me see, let me repeat it and see if I got it right.

[24:37]

She said, I think, that she finds that she's often motivated to stay open to problems with the hope that they will be solved. Oh, that you'll be a better person. She'll be a better person. And now she's hearing me and other people say that that might be a mistake. Well, it might motivate you to stay open to them. So that might not be a mistake. Because, you know, they're out of your control. They're happening. These, quote, problems are happening. These facets of your personality are happening. And staying open to them will make you a better person. Well, you don't know. You don't know.

[25:39]

You'll just have to try it and see. I don't know if that's such a bad motivation. I mean, it's, I think that it's probably at base another ego trip. You know, like, I know what a better person would be. And if I watch this closely, I might be able to, like, direct it in that way. But that's okay, because you probably won't be able to. So while you're there being open with this sly motivation, you know, still you might learn something. You might stumble into freedom and lack of fear. Less fear of the problems, more understanding of them, and therefore more compassion. Anything else?

[26:46]

Are you all being quiet so I'll tell stories? Okay, then I better hurry, because I have a lot. No. So the reasons that I thought of telling stories were probably numerous. One, Mel got to tell stories for four nights. And he's still not finished. And who knows, he might do it again tonight. And my experience is a little different than his. So that brought up, oh boy, what about my story? And this practice period seems to me in some ways to be kind of like an ode to Mel, in a good way. Or a celebration, in a way, of Mel and Mel's teaching. In some ways I think that's what it is. And I am really happy to be here for it.

[27:47]

Really happy and grateful to you for being here and hoping that you will return. And so I thought, well, maybe I could just lay out some of my life with Mel. And I might have to throw in a few other things to balance it. But we don't have very long, so maybe I won't have time. And what's more, he can sit there, and if he can hear me, which we aren't sure, he can either shake his head yes or no, if he disagrees. Because one of the things that I think has been really apparent in our relationship is I think it's very easy for us to disagree. There isn't a problem with it, in a way. Because of a base, I think a base of agreement about a lot of things,

[28:55]

a lot of Dharma and a lot of experience, and besides that, my experience of Mel is that he, in some ways he can say almost anything, but when it comes down to it, he relates to the person. Kind of open-heartedly. That's my experience of Mel, and therefore, and I think I'm a little bit the same way, so I think we've never actually felt threatened by disagreeing. I think that's true. On my side, that's true, and he's shaking his head yes. So, when Keith and I first came to Zen Center in 1971, just before Suzuki Roshi died, he was sick already, Keith went off to Los Angeles to visit a friend, and I was left to decide how we were going to be in the Bay Area, and we came from the Midwest, where we'd been sitting,

[29:56]

to the Bay Area, because we'd read about Tassajara, but we couldn't come to Tassajara, it wasn't allowed, so we were going to Zen Center. But we knew there was a Zen Center in Berkeley, and there was San Francisco Zen Center, and I was supposed to go check these things out, and try to decide, I can't even imagine this, Keith always decides, but somehow I was supposed to, so I took my little assignment and went to Berkeley. The first place I went, no, I think I went to City Center first, because we were in the city, so I went to City Center, and I went in, and it felt really overwhelming, and kind of cool, and I was met by the secretary at the time, and she sat down with me in that alcove right in the front, next to the Buddha Hall, on those benches there, and she sat like this, and I was sitting like this, and I definitely noticed that she was sitting like this. It was a little overwhelming, and I went to Zazen, I believe,

[30:58]

and that was overwhelming, but the good thing was, nobody bothered me, nobody seemed to care whether I was there or not. So I went to Berkeley, I think Mel was probably at Tassajara. I met Liz, who is arriving today, I don't know where they were and their thing, but she was at the Berkeley Zen Center with Peter Overton, who I know, maybe none of you do, and I just went and knocked on the door, and they invited me in for tea, in homemade pottery cups, and tea and cookies, and they were nice, and they talked to me, and they seemed to want me to be there. And me, being who I was, which was a closet Lutheran from Idaho, or the Midwest, both, trying to come to California. If you're from Idaho, you know that Californians are really dangerous. They come and they steal your land and your water.

[32:02]

It's terrible, and you don't really want to mess with them. And then besides that, they were real hippies, and I was like a fake hippie. And I was worried, where was this leading? Was my husband going to become, not my husband, my boyfriend going to become a real hippie, and then have lots of lovers, and drugs, and I don't know. Anyway, I was nervous about the whole thing, so when I got to Berkeley, and they were nice and welcoming, and I had the feeling I was going to have to relate with them, I scurried back to Zen Center. And I was so relieved, you could go to Zen Center, and nobody noticed. For months, we went to Zazen, and out the back door. Much to say, because I also want to just put in a little bit about teachers.

[33:51]

So I just want to mention that right at that time, so Suzuki Roshi died, before he died, we were sitting at Zen Center, Richard Baker came back from Japan, and gave a lecture at Zen Center. Other people were lecturing too, because Suzuki Roshi wasn't well enough. But he gave a lecture, and Keith and I went, and he was wearing an okesa and blue jeans. And this was great, we loved this. This really sealed that we had come to the right place. And then he became the abbot, Suzuki Roshi died, and many, many people left Zen Center at that point. And we didn't really know them, but we could tell there were fewer people around. And again, we had no context for what had gone before. So this was, you know, Baker Roshi's kind of, he was becoming the abbot, and was, and this is where our experience really differs, Mel's and mine,

[34:54]

because Mel was Richard's peer, and had a whole other experience of him. For me, I just have to say, you know, I'm so grateful to him. He was so open to me and to many people, and I think really an incredibly intuitive, compassionate person, as long as you don't disagree with him. I think that he has a real belief in his own wisdom that doesn't leave much room for perspective for other people. But since I rarely did disagree with him, and when I did, I was very, very, what do you call it, tactful about it. I basically experienced a tremendous amount of support from him, and am grateful. So probably the next time that I actually remember much interaction with Mel

[36:02]

was in 1983. I happened to be on the board. Before that, I was on the board for a little while of Zen Center. Mostly the board was people who Suzuki Roshi had appointed to the board as lifetime members to be responsible for Zen Center. Mel and Reb and other people of their seniority. He appointed you guys as lifetime members? Oh, really? Richard Baker appointed them as lifetime members to take care of Zen Center. And then later, he appointed some of us, me, Linda, I can't really remember who, as board members. In some ways, you could say stacking the board in his favor because we were his students. And that might be true. But besides that, I think also a lot of them were no longer so involved with Zen Center.

[37:05]

Perhaps because they couldn't be, but also they weren't. So there were some of us there who were more involved with Zen Center. So for whatever complicated reasons, I was on the board when the whole thing with Richard Baker happened, which is a whole other long story, and you can read books about it. But at that point, the board and Zen Center were such... Boy, the trauma was just incredible because this vision of what Zen Center... For those of us who were Richard's students, this vision of Zen Center, which we had been pouring our life into and had been going along, was suddenly not what was happening. A whole other event. I just want to say that my feeling about why Zen Center survived is because of Tassajara. Because even though, as maybe Mel or somebody has said recently,

[38:10]

that a lot of our practice relationship was going toward Richard at that time, still we practiced with each other at Tassajara in the same way that you do now. And the bonds, whether you realize it or not, are very, very deep. Sitting here with each other in this valley, going through the kinds of things we go through together. I was talking to somebody yesterday about this, and they said, you know, I think the people I'm going to end up being the closest to are the ones I had the most trouble with. And in some ways it's true. You know, you go through these things and... Anyway, so when Zen Center kind of totally shifted, there was still this network of trust because of Tassajara. And in the midst of that, the board was really struggling. Oh God, I can't do this. I have to cut this down. And Mel was right there. Anyway, long, long, long stories of decision after decision after decision

[39:15]

that was incredibly painful. And for me, as someone who hadn't been here at the beginning of Zen Center, some of the old board members came back to the board, and it was like opening a door on a family house, or opening a window, you know, a house that you think is your house. You're like living in the house, but you go outside and you open the window, and there's a whole other family there. And a whole other... You know, they're your family. You're related to them. You know them. But it's like a whole other story is happening. It was so interesting to watch their relationships with each other and sort of become part of that. So we went through that together, all of us. And there's a lot that could be said, but I won't. And out of that also grew my relationship with Reb, who I also didn't know very much before that.

[40:16]

And watching he and Lou Richmond, who was... Both Reb and Lou were the Tantos at Zen Center at that point, at City Center in Green Gulch. And so they were sort of the most connected to the students at Zen Center. And their attempt to be there in this chaos and trauma for the students at Zen Center was really just heart-opening. And the mistakes they made, you know, just mistake after mistake after mistake, because they were working with people who were traumatized, you know, they couldn't do anything right, and yet to come back. Everybody just kept coming back and going through it. So much of my feeling about my teachers came from that time of their effort and how they stayed there with each other and with really disagreeing with each other. And also right at that time I sort of got yanked into a lot of responsibility

[41:22]

as one of the assistant Tantos in the City Center. And also very soon, about a year later, as the president of Zen Center. So once I was the president of Zen Center, then... Well, soon after that Mel joined Reb as the abbot of Zen Center, which was also a huge big thing. You know, Zen Center was struggling for what is the religious leadership of Zen Center. And we had lots of different ideas. You know, six abbots, no abbot. Three abbots. Anyway, at this particular point in history that I'm thinking of, it slowly narrowed down to two choices. One abbot, Reb, or two abbots, Reb and Mel. Anyway, eventually Reb invited Mel to join him. And together they were the abbots of Zen Center. Mel was the president. And I felt their support so thoroughly during the years that I was president.

[42:31]

Them just really being there and working together on this crazy thing called Zen Center. At the end of that, in 1990, I came to Tassajara. My whole family came to Tassajara. And was here for the summer and really had no... I stopped being president, had no idea. We had no idea where we were going to be, what we were going to do. We all came to Tassajara for the summer. Didn't know, were we leaving Zen Center or what? At the end of that summer, Reb and Mel asked me whether I wanted to be a shuso. And so that fall, fall of 90, Mel led the practice period and I was the shuso with him. It was a little bit strange. Our family, since we didn't know where we were going, had decided we were going to go to Yellowstone for a two-week vacation in October. So when they asked me, did I want to be a shuso? I said, well, you know, we have these plans. And they said, okay. So I was the shuso and left for two weeks to go to Yellowstone. You missed that chance.

[43:33]

You didn't have a 10- and 12-year-old child who would make a little. So I did that shuso period and, again, didn't know at the end of that where we were going or what we were going to do. And they asked me at the end of that, would I be the tanto here? So then I was the tanto until the end of the summer when it was too much for the girls to be here. They'd been out of school for a year and a half and really needed contact with their peers. So we moved to Jamesburg. And I thought I was just going to live at Jamesburg. But I came in for the tokubetsu session that was happening here and said, you know, could I come during the week? And they said, yeah, you can keep being the tanto. So for the next five years, so over six years, I was the tanto here. And now I do have to get back on track. That's why I have this note. And during that time, for the first four, I guess most of the time I was tanto, basically, Reb and Mel alternated practice periods.

[44:48]

So they were here. So during that time, we got much closer. Just a couple of things about, I remember one shosan ceremony with Mel. One of my biggest questions back then was one that some of you have asked me. How do you, if you have to make a decision and you don't know what you want to do, what do you do? And he said, if you're standing with one foot on the boat and one foot on the dock and the boat starts to move, something will happen. And it was very helpful. Very helpful. And it was true. It is true. Another interaction that we had was, one of our disagreements, I think, is that I think that Mel has often thought that I should be ordained.

[46:06]

I think this because he's often told me this. And once he started trying to convince me of it in a meeting, I thought that was a little over. I said, I think we should talk about this privately. So he said, OK. So then the next time he came to Tassajara, I went to Dotsan and I said, so what do you want to say? He said, well, I think you should be ordained. And I said, well, if I don't want to be ordained, do you think I should be ordained? And he said, well, no, I guess not. And then that was it. As I remember it, that time anyway. Anyway, so. OK, that's my life with Mel. And in a way, it's my life with my teachers, too. I've mentioned the main ones, except for three very strong Jewish women, by chance Jewish women.

[47:13]

I think by chance Jewish women who are my best friends and join the pantheon of my teachers, Linda, Amala, and Tia. And I'm always, or I don't know if I'm always, but I want to be careful with all these teachers that I'm not avoiding letting someone be a teacher for me. And I've really tried to be careful about that. But I also feel like in some ways my biggest teacher, biggest, definitely biggest, but also deepest and truest is Tasahara. And, you know, that means all of you and all your predecessors and the things we do together and the way it works. And, you know, I feel so grateful to have been here all this time and feel really taught.

[48:16]

And as Mel was quoting Suzuki Roshi, you know, the search for a teacher I think is a little tricky. It can get graspy and very easily. But the attempt to be teachable, to be able to be taught, I think is really good practice. Really good practice to try to be taught by everyone and everything. And then teachers come along, you know. Here he is. And here they are. So, I want to remind us that this practice period isn't over yet. That we have the rest of today to, you know, enjoy if possible, but if not possible, to explore what is going on here. You know, what's going on in this practice, what's going on in this karmic body and mind, what's going on in this universe. And then we have a few more days to do that before all hell breaks loose.

[49:22]

In all the myriad ways that's going to happen. And yet, you know, the rest of Deng Xian's poem, sorry to go on so long, is really also kind of relevant. Earnestly avoid seeking without, lest it recede far from you. Today I am walking alone, yet everywhere I go, it says, I meet him. And he's speaking of his teacher. I would just like to insert it for Tassajara. Tassajara actually practice period. Because at the end of practice period, when we go, when the next day dawns and we do whatever we do, which is either, you know, some are leaving, some, the world is coming here. Okay, I want you to think of walking out across that stream and saying this poem. Earnestly avoid seeking without, lest it recede far from you.

[50:27]

Today I am walking alone, yet everywhere I meet it. I meet Tassajara practice period. It is now no other than myself, but I am not now it. Everywhere I go, I meet it. It must be understood in this way in order to merge with suchness. So I think it's really true. As Richard Baker said to me, Baker Roshi said to me the first time I left Tassajara after being here, living here for six and a half years. It's Tassajara out there too. It really is. The world, the nature of reality is the same here as it is there. If that isn't true, it doesn't do us any good to be here. So as we're walking alone, everywhere we meet it. And may it be so. Thank you.

[51:25]

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