Good morning. Happy solstice. Yes, it is that day. And a fine day. So nowhere to go, nothing to do. Summer comes all on its own. So this may be day one. day two or day three of this session for you but we're all starting just right where we are just every moment just bringing it back and doing what needs to be done I just keep looking around and I see it looks like a little small cosmos. If you just kind of look with this sort of slanted eyes, you know, not full on, but you just see these bodies moving around.

[01:01]

We're on our own little orbit, whether in the kitchen there's an orbit going on, the servers, during the work period, we're just moving. And Trungpa Rinpoche used to describe it as an island of sanity. So here we are in our island of sanity, just doing what needs to be done. And Some of us, I know Hozon didn't encourage this, but we probably did bring in some of our baggage that we wanted to work on. And we're here watching our breath go up and down. I like to think of this as Suzuki Roshi described Buddhism was that it was transmitted from warm hand to warm hand.

[02:02]

And there's just a lot of warmth. among all of us. Maureen Stewart, who was a Zen teacher, she describes Sashin as a Sashin bath. We're all bathing in this process of giving up, letting go, so we can purify our minds. But have you ever had those kind of sessions where I have, I'll describe my own experience, my mind never settles the entire day, maybe about the last five seconds, where I come back, it's very busy, or just sleepy, drowsy, and kind of go home thinking, well, nothing happened there. Which is true. Nothing does happen.

[03:07]

But I noticed then, it could be a day or so, a few days later, I do feel a little lighter. It's like that thing that Suzuki Roshi describes. You know, you're walking in the fog and you don't know you're getting wet. But all of a sudden you realize that moisture, which is really our Zen practice seeping into our bones, and we don't even know it sometimes. So I know we're looking at probably everything as I described it yesterday, whatever's coming up for you, whether it's annoyances or our likes or dislikes, and all the things that we might carry around, the things we carry. But we're here, really our purpose is to just relinquish it all.

[04:10]

That's what our whole Zen practice is. Just letting it go. So renunciation, it's been described as giving up and turning oneself over. So we're here just turning ourselves over to this. Whatever really is in front of us, we're just turning ourselves over to that. So today I'm going to talk about my koan. And I know there's some new faces maybe that haven't heard me talk about it a couple other times. And I know some of you have, so bear with me. You get to hear it again. But really this koan is for all of us. It's the koan of our lives, really. And this is from the Mumenkan, Case 5. Kyogen's Man Up a Tree. So Kyogen Osho said, it is like a man up in a tree, hanging from a branch with his mouth.

[05:22]

His hands grasp, no bow. His feet rest on no limb. Someone appears under the tree and asks him, what is the meaning of Bodhidharma's coming from the West? If he does not answer, he fails to respond to the question. If he does answer, he will lose his life. What would you do in such a situation? So let me just give a little background, not a lot, of Kyogen, who wrote this koan, because he was in just such a situation. He was a monk and very learned. He relied on all his knowledge, and he knew all the sutras, he probably knew them by heart, took copious notes at all the lectures, and

[06:30]

He could answer, you know, he could be given a hundred questions and just be able to answer them. He was just very, very bright, big man too, very tall. And one day his teacher Esan did see his potential But he could see all of his Zen practice was really coming from his head. You know, he hadn't really sunk down into his heart and his intuition. So he asked him, what is your essential face before your mother and father were born? Well, this completely stumped him. He had never heard this, didn't recall ever reading about this. And since he was drawing upon what he knew from his knowledge and all his learning, he didn't have an answer.

[07:38]

But he went back to his room, went through all the books, all his sutras, all his notes, nothing. How despondent he must have felt. He didn't have an answer for the first time. And he begged his teacher, just tell me. You know, I can just imagine how frustrating that was. The teacher said, no, I can't do that. It won't do you any good. So he was so despondent, he left the monastery. In fact, burned all his books and notes. and left and decided, well, this isn't for me anymore. This is just hopeless. There's nothing here. So he decided to just become a simple monk and went and took care of a grave of a famous teacher. So he had a very simple life there. I would imagine that he grew to really

[08:41]

enjoy it as he let go of things, let go of all that knowledge, just dropped it away and just paid attention to the weeds and simple meals and just doing the simple tasks. And in doing that, while sweeping one day, he heard a stone hit a bamboo and it made a very distinct ping noise. You know how when you hear something so clearly, it was just like, that's all he heard. It was so, it was his awakening, really just, oh my gosh, so clear. Nothing was in his mind, just uncluttered. And he began laughing and saw what his Zen teacher was talking about. And so he did return and became a famous monk. or a famous teacher, I guess, a good teacher. So this is his story, really.

[09:46]

He was up a tree and didn't know what to do. So what this man in the tree, what is he, what's he going to do? What's he clinging to up there? That branch, that tree, really represents his life. And it represents his ego, because we don't want to let our egos go. And yet, we're all going to have to let go at some point. So it's a good time for us to, in our life, to look at what are we clinging to? Why do we just don't want to let go, whether it's some beliefs, fixed notions, or ideas we have about people, or maybe knowledge that really does seem true.

[10:49]

So it's hard not to stick to these things. And it's easy to put it off. I'm going to take care of that later. I don't want to examine that now. I've got too many other things to do. But the sooner we start letting go of the little things, whatever it is, I think it's going to be easier within our final breath. Maybe there won't be so much self-clinging. You know, we chant that every day now in our meal chant. May we be free from self-clinging. But what do we have? I mean, we don't, what do we really have? Everything leaves us in the end, so what do we actually have in this life that can sustain us, can hold us up? Certainly not our possessions, we can see those going, or our money,

[12:01]

Friends. Well, what we have, we have the three treasures. Nobody can take away the three treasures, the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha. So we have this safe haven. And that Buddha is not this, it's this within us, that big mind. It's that inner voice, the most important thing, as Suzuki Roshi said, listen to that every moment you can, call upon that, which is Buddha, Buddha mind. And then, oh my goodness, all the treasure of our teachings, we have all of that. And we have this Sangha. And we go out in the world and we have other Sanghas. So I like what I think you said in Shosan.

[13:04]

We have the safety of Buddhist net that always will catch us. And another really important thing that I think that's going to help this man fall let go of his life and help as he so wants to be, he wants to live up to his vow, his Bodhisattva vow, is faith. So does he have the faith and trust in this practice? And faith, as we talked about in Shosan too, is not just something you have. It's an action. You have to really develop it and work with it. So it's not really blind. They say, oh, it's blind faith. Well, there is blind faith when you just take something, but to really build and strengthen it requires practice.

[14:16]

And as we do, we realize the fruit of our practice. And you've got to have a lot of faith and trust to be able to let go of things. Which, if we want to get in that, because to let go, as I say, we don't, we really, we only have the three, we have the three treasures. We know they're going to be around. Maybe we start out with some, what they call, bright faith. And bright faith, we enter the gates and, oh, we're just so excited here, we just love everybody. Love the teachers, love the people, love what we're hearing, that's sort of bright, you know. Sort of like when you start a sport or take on maybe your music or art, you know, you have that, just that bright faith. But we have to verify this faith, don't we?

[15:22]

We can't just, we have to then, well, does this really work? Seems like a lot of work here, for this practice, and to sit sashaying. So, we've got to verify this in our lives. Is this making a difference in our lives? Are we putting this to practice? And as that builds, and as we continue our practice, and see, wow, gosh, these paramitas work, these precepts work, this eightfold path. I do feel more comfort. And then that faith becomes something we abide in. We just have abiding faith. It carries us. We all know what to do. Just keep doing it, whatever you can do. Showing up and zazen, chanting. We're doing it these days, whether this is your first or second, third day.

[16:25]

We're studying, we're moving in this cosmos. And it just kind of pulls us along, even through our resistance and our sleepiness. and drowsiness. It just keeps pulling us along. And maybe all the while, letting go of some things. Have you ever had the experience where you wake up and you realize, well, that doesn't bother me anymore. That thing that bothered me all so long, I just, huh, I hadn't thought about that. It just sort of drops away. And hopefully we become lighter. You know, there are faith types, which I'm a faith type. I just was born that way. It's kind of, I don't know. And then there's doubters. And I've often thought for myself, it would be good if I was more of a little bit of a doubter, so I could question things more.

[17:32]

Because I think the doubters, They question it, but then it becomes deeper for them because they understand it. Whereas sometimes as a faith type, I just take it. Oh, okay. Not like that. So I think it's good to maybe have a little bit of both. Sometimes we need to take a leap of faith even if our faith isn't fully developed. We just take a leap of faith. I'm sure we've all done that. I did that when I let my son go live with his father when he was very young. And I had a safety net. My safety net was, I'll be back. I'll be back. And that was what helped me. And I think those safety nets are good, even if you're taking a leap of faith. We never know what's going to happen, right? Even all the same, if you have your story like, I'll be back, whatever it is, but we don't really know.

[18:35]

So, in Pali, this word is usually translated, this word faith, as confidence or trust. Sada. And it means, literally, to place the heart upon. So Kyogen really hadn't gotten to that place. He hadn't really placed his trust and faith in his heart. It was really in his head. And you know, not to take away from learning, because that is also important too, but it needed to be more balanced. And now, this is quite an old knowledge, but I didn't actually ever think about it. I guess scientists have discovered that the heart has as much neural activity as the brain. So in other words, the heart thinks in its own way as much as the head does.

[19:41]

I know I used to kind of think, no, you have to think these things through, but learning now to take it to a little deeper level where the heart really knows everything. Oh, I like this quote from Rumi. This might be a good place to say it. The very center of your heart is where life begins, the most beautiful place on earth. Well, we really are a heart-based practice, don't you think? We're heart-based. Going back to faith, Sharon Salzberg, she's a Vipassana teacher. And she says, to have faith is to offer one's heart or give over one's heart. So similar, you know, turning over one's heart. That is where you gain your faith. So we're placing our faith in the teachings.

[20:48]

But again, we have to test it out for ourselves. Buddha said, don't believe, as you quoted this too, I think yesterday, Hozon, don't believe anything just because I have said it. And don't believe anything just because an elder or someone you respect has said it. Put it into practice. See for yourself if it is true. And he also said, this was towards his end, don't look for things that are far away. Everything is in your heart. Be an island unto yourself. Everything is in your heart. So faith, really turning this offering one's heart over, developing this faith, it requires surrendering.

[21:58]

As we said, letting go when we don't really know what the next moment holds. We never really do. Going into that darkness. So it's important to question the things that we're told. And really, like I say, put them into practice, see if they are true. And then see, do they really make a difference in our lives? Because we're spending quite a lot of time here, aren't we? Doing this practice, we want to make sure... I know we're not here for anything, right? But let's face it, we really are. And, you know, you have to have faith, too, in impermanence. That is the one thing you can have faith in. That's the one thing that is our constant. So, I look around this room and I see a lot of courage.

[23:00]

It takes a lot of faith and courage to release and fall apart. I missed something here. Oh. Yeah, courage. I want to tell you what the root of that word is. French word. And I don't have, I don't know French. Coeur? Coeur. Okay. Well, it means heart. It's all going back to the heart. So there we have faith, courage, going back to the heart. to help us surrender and let go. There's someone in my life that has really been troublesome for me and I just can't get a handle on it. And it feels like a rope bound around me, a very thick rope too.

[24:07]

And I've been bound up about it for quite a while. I don't know how to move forward and I can't move backward. So I'm stuck, and here I have this Bodhisattva vow. And so this is not a very satisfying way to live. And if I think of the person, I just, oof, I start justifying, well, you know, he did this, that, he hurt me, he said these things, and all of those things I'm justifying why I'm right. But it's not very satisfying, so it's a conundrum. So as I study it and look at it, it finally dawned on me, well, he has a side too. I just didn't want to see it. And I see someone who's very hurt himself, and suffering, a great deal of suffering.

[25:12]

And I know I've said things to him that have hurt him. So as this is happening, I'm seeing that rope, it's getting a little, it's started to loosen up. Now it's kind of unraveling. And I'm able to pick off some of these threads now. And slowly, I'm feeling a little freer now. And there's still some threads there. I see that I'm not completely free, but I can move around. And now, you know, the Bodhisattva vow, we let go, but to fulfill that Bodhisattva vow, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? to help this relationship besides just letting go, that's the first step. And I thought, I could do some metta, you know, lojong, which is a practice where I could take in some of his pain, you know, just do this a few times a day, take in some of his suffering, see his side, just really take that in, and then just send him some loving kindness,

[26:33]

And, you know, I'd have no idea what's going on with him, but kind of, who knows, this could, it'll certainly soften me. And so that it will change and shift my relationship to him, how I feel. And so that's my action plan in taking this Bodhisattva vow. You know, we have a lot of... One thing I finally realized, we're going to have fear. We're going to have fear of letting go, maybe fear in taking some action steps. I've had a lot of fear being Shuso, which I didn't recognize. But I'm accepting, when we're threatened, our life is threatened, we have fear. And we'll probably even have fear, I would think maybe there'll be some fear when we take that last breath.

[27:40]

But we'll have that safety net and hopefully remember to call on it, our practice. So this, and as our faith develops and deepens, you know, our container widens too, becomes bigger so that we can have these things in there. Fear and letting go. Our faith can get stronger. And we can bring us back to equanimity. So this is really a koan for me, and I assume you're probably seeing some of it for yourself, looking at where we're not letting go. I want to, so we've got to, we let go, we renunciate, and then in that space, what are we going to pick up?

[28:47]

What are we going to do to fulfill our Bodhisattva vow? In other words, how are we going to help? Just as this man in the tree, he wants so much to be able to let go and help to fulfill his vow by teaching the Dharma, in this case. wanted to tell you a story that's been very inspiring for me. This is a woman I met about three years ago. Her name's Anne Marie. And one day she called San Francisco Zen Center and she thought she was dying. And so she wanted to meet with someone. because she has a Buddhist practice somewhat. And so I said, OK, I would meet with her. And so it turns out she lives just down the street from me. So I could walk down, which I did.

[29:49]

And she wasn't quite ready. OK, that's fine. So then finally I went on the time she asked me to. And her caretaker opened the door, Patrice, And I didn't know anything about her. I didn't know what to expect. So when she opened the door, kind of looked over, I saw the first door on the left was the bathroom. And I saw this woman, turned out it was Anne Marie, was hanging from this sling. So she was completely paralyzed from her neck down. So she had a beautiful cat, Bodhi Dharma, who has now died, but sitting over there in the corner really watching every move I made. And so it took quite a while for her, Patrice, to get her settled, just placing her, oh, there was so much love in that room, placing her hands just so, adjusting her head, giving her some sort of drops to ease her pain. And it was really quite,

[30:54]

Nice to watch. And then herself, she's just light. She was just so bright. So bright. And I thought, wow, this is a real gift to me to meet this woman. And she gets tired easy, so we didn't have a lot of time to talk. But at that time, she said, well, I'm not dying now. But she wanted to talk about gratitude. At that point, she was listening to my children's gratitude tapes. So we talked from time to time. And she told me that every day, every day, she has to recommit to life. And of course to let go because her whole life she's 100% dependent upon others. And she has a real zest to live. Although she said her friends just ask her, why doesn't she just let go?

[32:00]

And she thinks it's because, you know, they have to take care of her. I don't know if that's true. Maybe there is some truth in it. I don't know about that, but, um, She's letting go every day, every moment, really, because nothing is in her hands. She has to wait for everything. But she has her action plans in that letting go. She wants to write a memoir to thank her parents and everyone for everything they've done to make her life possible. So she, to me, is a real bodhisattva. So that's the summary. Faith, develop that faith, let go, and act. And there's always more to go, always more to let go. So I think I'm gonna end there.

[33:05]

But if you've got some questions. Yeah, the Rumi poem is, the very center of your heart is where life begins. The most beautiful place on earth. Now that I'm reading, this doesn't really fit in here, but I thought it was funny. It's from a title called Awake and Demented. Well, that is something. But the quote's pretty good. This is really, should have been at the beginning of my talk. What is mindfulness, if not the practice of bringing the mind to those places where it goes missing? Again and again. We wake ourselves up at the point where drowsiness, distractions, and daydreams arise. I read that this morning. I thought, oh my goodness.

[34:08]

It sounds like it's happening in my little monastery right over there. We each have our little monasteries on these cushions or on our chairs doing what we're doing. James? Mm-hmm.

[35:37]

Yeah, he was forgetting, yeah, everything that he had learned. Or thought he knew. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. We have so many things that would be good to forget. Thank you, James. Anyway, I wanted to just make a comment. Yesterday you were saying all you could see is love. What I see is courage and bravery. Oh, Ross? I think Ross had his hand up. What exactly is the safety net? Well, that was Hozon's phrase. I was seeing it as the three treasures the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha.

[36:41]

We have those we can rely on, we can come back to, we can abide in. That's what it was for me. Hozon, do you want to make a comment about that? It's what rests between ourselves and the plummeting into the bottomless hole that we fear. And we fear it. And you experience it in zazen as things drop away, which they do from time to time. Then it's like we feel ourselves And we get kind of instinctively frightened.

[37:47]

And with safety net, it's just like fall back into the arms of Buddha. It's really OK. It's really safe to do that. It's not like we're going to end up splattered on the rocks. And I think that I'm still learning to trust him. Thank you. Nice full explanation. Ellen? Well, I can only say for myself. Oh yeah, okay.

[38:51]

Well, Ellen's question is, what does it mean, see if I'm saying this right, when you're working on something in Zazen? Well, it could be, you know, like that situation I described with that person. That was a conundrum for me and I could bring, it could just come up. Not even that I'm asking it to come, it just comes up because it's in my consciousness and troubling me. So I could be turning it around and, you know, the whole story I was telling you, like all my resentments, all that could be coming. But every once in a while, maybe come back to my breath, drop it, come back to my breath. I don't know, it just starts to widen things out, softens things. But do you actually call it up or do you just let it come up? Let it come up.

[39:54]

But I think before, when I first started, carry it in and bring it up, but not now. I don't know if anyone else has an experience of that, would like to say something. John? Heiko? Very much on Ellen's topic, but coming from something you said earlier and working during Zazen. I read recently that a lot of times people who are victims of trauma and or abuse tend to bring it into their head and open my heart so that the condition before where I had it in my head was just resolving everything with my mind and oh people can be any way and I'll eventually tough it out or whatever it is that I do to resolve it.

[40:59]

But my work, the work that has come up, not by choice, has things slowly sinking down into my heart bringing tears, bringing coughing, bringing all kinds of different physical and emotional responses, and as you said, slowly falling away. You know, just slowly falling away, not because I'm like hammering them, but they come into my heart. And I, because of the Sangha, the Dharma, and the Buddha, I have the courage to allow that, and slowly fall away. their work, and I was reading that yesterday, and it really put an idea into what really was going on with me, or what happens. So, kind of work, kind of following it up. Thank you. That's nice. Ed? Sort of to answer a little bit of your question, my experience with adults, at least when I'm in practice,

[42:09]

So I'm flying without a parachute, and for me it's confronting the feelings. And so I have to find it somehow myself. Well, I think we all do. Have to find it within ourselves. Yeah. Judy? I was wondering what your thoughts are on imagination.

[43:17]

But because I practice it a lot, it naturally comes up. So I was thinking about my dog, who's got this cone. Well, we could call it that, but we'd be calling it a party hat. Because his nature seems to make it so. And so it's really been a great teacher. It's been a hard time. I think it is. And with regards to imagination, I have been influenced by Norman Fisher's video, too, but I haven't read it, too. I haven't read his book, but yeah, why not imagine a different world?

[44:59]

Especially in these times. It's really, if you haven't got it, or if you haven't listened to it, it's probably out there. I forget, what's the name of his book? Yeah, The World Could Be Otherwise. Just get us thinking a little differently. Helen? Oh. Sounds like the abyss. Steve. You mentioned a big enough container to hold a big ear. That spoke to me a lot. I got this big container like for room for my anger or room for my

[46:07]

And I haven't really heard that. Well, I've heard it before, this widening your container. I couldn't say where or when I read it, but it's sort of like that quote. What is Suzuki's quote about giving your sheep a wide pasture? Sort of like that, but I think anything, but yes, I do, I think you're right. We want to have a container that we can have everything in. We don't want two containers. I think just include it all.

[47:23]

And maybe there, you know, underneath it, maybe just imagine you've got the Buddhist safety net as your foundation. So it can handle everything. So you have, You have a way to maybe work with it. I hope that's helpful. Dan? Let's see what time it is. Dan? I've been thinking for the last few weeks about the things the surgeon said about spasticity. Yeah. I got very excited when I heard that. That's someone accessible. Yeah, well I think that's so here.

[48:55]

Hopefully people feel that safety here. This is a container where... But practicing and being mindful creates a kind of safety for things that happened in the past but they're not here right now. So that it's bearable through practicing. Yeah. Thank you, Dan. Linda? Well, I think being on the spotlight, preparing these talks, having something to say that would be of value, kind of around that area, I would say. Oh, yes. Most definitely, I just got to check, I mean just checking this one off. But I got, now I got the rehearsal and then I got the thing I don't want to talk about on Sunday.

[50:01]

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. I lost a couple hours sleep last night. You know, I don't know where, I just, I have no idea of the source. I think it's, Kind of a lack of confidence in myself. Well, I can't sleep. That's one thing. So I'm working, you know, just to try to deep sleep, deep, that's what I do, deep sleep, just repeat it over and over. But nothing happens. I don't know, it's just a tightness, clutching, and... It's the only time I've ever heard you swear. Did I just swear? No, not today. Oh. Yeah, you talked to previous two shows.

[51:06]

Oh, you'll love it! And it is wonderful. No, I don't want it, I don't want it. You know, the container holds both sides. But, I don't know, maybe it was the first time you had to do a lecture. Maybe you felt some of that fear. I think, you know, that is, what is it, the fear of public speaking? It's second to death, yeah. Is that right? Yeah, so that's the number one, fear of public speaking. Oh, okay. Yeah, so does that kind of help? It's just a fear that I don't know where it's coming from, but basic fear. Okay, Gary. You got some too? Hmm, just a few strings now.

[52:09]

I've only got a few strings. It's just a few strings left. Yeah. Oh, hardly, Gary, hardly. I think we're going to have to go. OK, you can ask me if you want me to. Oh, OK, Carissa. about it, but at the same time, I realize a lot of the work that I do is very related to my identity, and it's identities that are physical. So my gender, ethnicity, my sexuality, or even someone like wealth distribution. And those are the things that hurt me most, but also motivate me most to do work outside of just my own body in this society.

[53:14]

So I just find I can't Well, just keep looking at that. I mean, I don't know that you have to reconcile it. Well, I think we're going to have some self-identity. Just watch the clinging to it. Can you add anything to that? You. Okay. Okay, thank you.

[54:04]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ