Good morning. Another bright, crisp day. And those that have been sitting here for the last few days were pretty much right in the middle of it. Really deep in our practice, deep in the silence. The feeling has been really good, really kind of light. active, quiet, not frivolous. Really appreciate it. I'm really glad to be here with you. Today I'm going to continue talking from Suzuki Roshi. It happens that the text I'm going to use is actually from that same session that I spoke about on Sunday, which was in February of 1971 at Texas Consent Center, Page Street, just about 10 months before Suzuki Roshi died.

[01:14]

And it was made into a chapter of Not Always So, that's called Just Enough Problems. And I feel that it continues with, to some degree with what I was talking about on Sunday, and I think it also continues with this kind of broad area that Raul talked about and Karen talked about, my characterization is it's something like complete subjectivity. That if we're talking about time and space, it's informed by our presence and our presence is informed by time and place.

[02:20]

Karen yesterday was quoting Suzuki Roshi in Outstandingness, a little nothing comes from outside your mind. Dogen says you should establish your practice in your delusion. And I think that that's what he's touching on here, and that relates to our activity in Sishin. For some reason, do you ever have Do you ever have a song running obsessively through your mind in Zazen? Never. I'm almost afraid to even name the song, but I will. For some reason I've had the Rolling Stones song, You Can't Always Get What You Want, but if you try sometime you might find you get what you need.

[03:32]

And that's another way, I think, of framing this entire talk by Suzuki Roshi. Just enough problems. Then I was thinking, oh yeah, this is also the band that wrote perhaps one of the great songs of popular music history. bar none, satisfaction, which of course is a deeply Buddhist song. So, to start, to go back a little, if this is alright Karen, just to establish your practice Right where you are. Not waiting for the time when you're awake, or compassionate, or in a good mood, but right in the middle of everything, as messy as it might be.

[04:45]

Because, even as you do that, your true mind is also working. It's there. you may not see it, but it is there and there's no other place to be. We talk about, you know, when we meet in practice discussion or dokasan, your messy mind meets my messy mind and together there's sometimes some surprising clarity that can arise and we both Hopefully, sometimes we both can go away from that meeting feeling encouraged. I certainly feel that. And then this gets to the section that Karen was talking about. I don't know if you read the whole section in Mind Waves.

[05:51]

Nothing comes from outside your mind. Usually we think of mind as receiving impressions and experiences from outside, but that is not a true understanding of our mind. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. When you think something comes from outside, it means only that something appears in your mind. Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave the mind as it is, it will become calm. This mind is called Big Mind. This is a very deep and challenging statement. It's also a very deceptively simple formulation of Buddhist philosophy. Your true understanding is that the mind includes everything.

[06:54]

You know, it's really interesting if I think about... I was writing a date in this draft and I realized, oh, it's the 70th anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor today. 70 years ago. Did that come from inside or outside my mind? Or your mind? There are probably only a few people in this room, if that, who were even born. What? I was here. You were there? Are you 70? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh. Muzzled up. You look younger than that. Glasses. Yeah. It's really important not to take any of these teachings in a strictly literal sense.

[08:05]

When we do that, then actually what we're doing is we're putting the teaching outside our mind. As if it were something from outside that you could take in as like a corrective. But it comes from inside. interesting stories which made it. This talk, I worked from the text, and then I went back and looked, not always so, but they're pretty close. So this was the seventh day of Seshin. This is the Guru, she says, this is the seventh day of Seshin, and you cannot give up. So the only way is to stay here. You may not feel you are yet ripened, but if you stay in our storehouse anyway, that's the zendo, you will be good apples, page street apples, ready to be served.

[09:13]

Perhaps at the start of Seshin, some of you must have thought if you come and you sit here, maybe your problems will be solved. Now, that was 40 years ago, we don't think that way anymore, right? Nobody has any delusion of that. And then there's an interesting sentence, and his English is so interesting to me, because it's not quite correct, but in that, it gets at something that's really fresh and remarkable. He says, so you must have thought if you come and sit here, maybe your problem will be solved. But whatever problem you may have, it could be solved anyway, because Buddha will not give you any more than you can solve and you need.

[10:17]

Whatever it is, whatever problem it may be, the problem you have is just enough problems for you. So the problem that we're sitting with at any given moment in seshīn, right within our delusion, it's just enough for that moment. Even though sometimes you may want to run for the hills, still, This is just enough. I was remembering a story that I heard from Sojin, and I checked it out with him. I had actually conflated two stories, which made it actually a better story, but I'm not going to conflate them. He was the first long Seshin that he sat in full lotus.

[11:23]

Some of you sat in full lotus. Not so many. Raul was. I don't know if you still are. Sojin does sometimes. Anyway, the first one that Sojin sat in full lotus, he moved his legs towards the end of the period. Five seconds later, the bell rang. And he was very discouraged. He just thought, I can't do this. I can't keep my posture. I can't keep this form. This is the thought of a young Zen student, I think. But some older Zen students think that, too. It's like, oh, I move my legs. really can't do this practice even though I've been doing it for 30 years."

[12:26]

So he went to Suzuki Roshi and they were talking and he asked him, he asked him, do you think I should continue this practice? You know, I don't know if I can do it. And Suzuki Roshi looked surprised and said, Oh, isn't this practice hard enough for you? Just enough problems. To continue, Suzuki Roshi says, So I think you should trust Buddha just enough not too much, and Buddha is ready to give you some problems just to survive, just to appreciate problems. Buddha is always giving you something because if you have nothing to cope with, your life may be empty.

[13:39]

It would be as if you were sitting in the zendo for seven days without doing anything. We're not looking to, even though Dogen says, Sazen is simply the dharma gate of repose and bliss, I don't see too many people who look like they're all blissed out as they're sitting here. We are working. We are cooking. ourselves, and we are not moving. Not in the sense of ... there's always motion actually. It's always minute motion, readjusting, readjusting our posture, readjusting our mind and our breath. But within the larger framework of this

[14:43]

big wooden boat. We're sitting in our place and it's kind of like everybody has an oar that they're sticking in the water and silently not moving. We're keeping this form that's fairly narrow And giving up. Giving up is also letting go. But giving up control. You know, a wonderful thing about Seshin is you could say, you know, you could say, oh, I don't have any control over my food. But The wonderful thing is we just give up and we let people cook for us.

[15:52]

And they offer their food, they offer their cooking, their labor, they offer these wonderful things to eat. We don't have to think too much about the structure because the Sesshin director has put in a lot of work. And then we, ourselves, in a very quiet, steady way, make everything happen. There's plenty of activity, but within this, we're just moving moment by moment, as we've been talking about for the last few days. And we make this happen. And from Suzuki Roshi's perspective, perhaps the Buddhas are making us happen. Who knows? This is a big, also a philosophical question in Japanese Buddhism.

[16:58]

There's a tension between the self-power schools of which Zen is supposedly one. You know, it's like, sitting here. I'm doing that myself. And the other power schools, which is, the Buddhas are giving us everything. But really, this is a completely dualistic way of looking at our activity, of looking at our practice. Because there is something deeply mysterious about how, if we took the time now, and everybody told a story for five minutes, huh? Everyone has a different, unique story of how they got here. You had to walk in through the gate and through the door, and yet something mysterious resonated with you, called you, that drew you here.

[18:13]

You could call that Buddha. You could call it other power. But really, when we look at this question of there's nothing outside your mind, we're talking that there's nothing outside big mind because there could be nothing outside of it. It is just vast and includes our individuality, and includes our complete collaboration and interdependence. He says earlier, so I think you should trust Buddha. And then he says, in our practice Soto students sit facing the wall. The Buddha is there behind you and you are trusting him. If you make some mistake, the Buddha may say, turn around, and you should listen to him.

[19:21]

But usually, if you trust him completely, there is no need to face the Buddha. This is the attitude of complete trust. Your enemies or your problems will come from behind. So to expose your back to Buddha means to express complete trust. This is one of the styles of our school. We sit facing the wall, usually. Then you go to a Rinzai temple, and of course they sit facing in. It's just a different style. One is not truer, better than the other. You go to Theravada places in Asia and they sit in a cave. Each one of these practices has its depth.

[20:22]

But I think this is a wonderful point, this question of trust. And I've encountered, I'm sure other people have, sometimes people come here and say, well this is really nice but I don't think I can face the wall. it's frightening to them. And I understand that. But that's our approach. And it's hard to do so, but sometimes I'll say, well, we try to practice in a way where each person is doing the same kind of activity. And I really hope that you can join in. But we don't have a way of letting people decide, each person decide, which way they want to face.

[21:29]

Sometimes you have to say, well, there's other places to practice, which is hard. But to communicate this sense of trust is really important. That's the place to start if someone raises this question. And to say, you know, this place is pretty safe. You may not feel safe, but nothing unsafe in my memory of all the years I've been here has happened while people were facing the wall and there's always somebody taking care and watching somebody sitting out but still each person has to trust face the wall each person has to trust that the buddha is taking care and not going to sneak up behind you and this is actually what people are

[22:39]

stick and hit them. So I say we don't do that. Trusting Buddha you should sit with your problems and at the same time you should be ready to refuse it if it is too much. This may not be necessary. There may not be any need to refuse it because more and more the problems you think our problems will change into something you need. So your problem is that you can't always get what you want, but the thing that you want may turn into something that you need. So then you think, according to Suzuki Roshi, if I refuse this problem, I may regret it later. Maybe I better keep it. And you sit in this way. OK. OK.

[23:43]

Bring the problem. And the Buddha may say... Buddha may say, if you really don't need it, give it back to me. Give me back that problem. But if the Buddha says this, you may think, oh, maybe I'd better keep it. There may be some meaning in the problem. If you sit in this way, you will find various problems are valuable treasures, indispensable for you, and especially indispensable for Zen students. Physical problems, mental problems, insults, slights, conflicts.

[24:48]

How do we use the alchemy of our practice to transform what looks like dross into something that is gold? How do we do that? There's a wonderful set of practices in the Tibetan tradition. Chögyam Trungpa wrote about it. It's a set of practices called mind training versus slogans or lojong. I find that they're really powerful to me. So one of the points, there are these slogans within the points, I don't quite understand the whole system, but one of the points is transformation of bad circumstances, transformation of problems into the way of enlightenment.

[26:05]

So within that there's a slogan that says when the world is filled with evil transform all mishaps into the path of bodhi, into the path of awakening. And the next slogan, which is really compressed and gets to the heart of it, I think, is drive all blames into one. This is really hard practice. whatever is occurring to us in this setting, in our life, in our work, in our relationships, when you notice the impulse to blame others, blame yourself, even if it's not your fault,

[27:14]

Maybe blame there. Blame is such a loaded word even to say it. Blame is only one letter different than flame. There's something hot and bright to it. And really uncomfortable. You can't hold your hand over a flame too long. And you can't hold yourself over a blame too long. we want to get away. So, here, you could also say, instead of blame, you could say, just take responsibility. This gets back to this matter of complete subjectivity. Complete subjectivity means you are everything that you perceive. Everything that you perceive is you.

[28:18]

As we sit here, you know, in the fourth day, you go outside and you notice things are kind of luminous. Everything is shining. And gradually some of the ordinary boundaries that we feel they fall away or they're permeable and you know the luminosity, let me say if you're I remember one session you know about this time just uh just have a chair sitting over behind the zendo I kind of, in the evening, it was a June session because it was light, in the evening, you know, after dinner and the light was just extraordinary, but actually the light was just ordinary.

[29:27]

It's just that all this, the skin of my eyes was stripped away and I could really let in what was happening and it was not separate. This happens to all of us, we have moments like this. That's complete subjectivity. But to expand your practice so that this complete subjectivity also includes taking responsibility for the very thing that you ordinarily would want to get away from, that's really challenging practice, that's radical. And I want to be clear, this is not about blaming yourself. This is not something neurotic. It's not about feeling unworthy.

[30:34]

It's just about asking yourself, how do I take responsibility for whatever happens, or whatever occurs between me and another person, between me and an object, and it means then to continue with Suzuki Roshi, he says, so before you sit, in other words, before you practice Zazen, before you accept the problem that you have which means before you accept yourself as you are you cannot sit in the true self in the true sense but if you fix your mind and sit then there is no confusion anymore what you should do is to wait

[31:39]

So it's like we're sitting here for seven days waiting. Waiting for a train that's never going to arrive. But we're just waiting. We just, we have, I think, weren't you talking something about this yesterday? We have a sense of expectancy without expecting anything. This is called patience. Suzuki Roshi says, be patient enough and wait until the problem will make some sense to you, until you can appreciate your being here and your position, whatever it is. That's how you practice zazen. So you let that clarify itself. And then it says, He says, but, so if you only practice zazen, there is no need, if you only practice zazen, in other words, if you treat zazen as an object, there's no need to expect the Buddha to help you.

[32:57]

The Buddha is already helping you. Usually what we are doing is refusing the Buddha's offer. Yes. The Buddha is already helping you. Usually what we're doing is refusing Buddha's offer. So two stories. This one you probably heard. There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rainfall. And pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house. He was still sitting there when a boat came by to rescue him. And the people on board said, You can't stay here, you have to come with us." The old man replied, no, God will save me. So the boat left. A little while later, the water was up to the second floor, and another boat came by, and again, they said to the old man, he had to come with them.

[34:00]

And the old man replied again, no, no, it's okay, God will save me. So the boat left, left him again. an hour later the water was up to the roof and he was sitting on the top of the roof clutching onto the chimney and a helicopter arrived and hovered over the top and they had one of those bullhorns and they called down to him they were going to send down a rope he said, no, no, God will send a miracle and save me so the helicopter flew away shortly thereafter he drowned And he went to heaven. And when he got there, he sees God, and he asks him, why didn't you save me? I thought you would grant me a miracle. You have really let me down. God replied, you idiot. I don't know what you're complaining about.

[35:01]

I sent two boats and a helicopter to rescue you. The Buddha is offering us help. But we have our mind on some other idea of what it is. And we're not noticing what's actually happening. It's interesting where Suzuki Roshi goes with this story. Not with that story, with this narrative. He says, for an instance, if you ask special help from a special person, It means that you are refusing Buddha's offering and asking for something which is not here yet. So you are refusing Buddha. You are refusing what you already had. And you are refusing to accept treasures that you have. You are like a pig.

[36:02]

Then he says, when I was young, My father was very poor and he raised many pigs. And if you give pigs a bucket of food, if you are not there, the pigs will eat it. As long as you are there, the pigs will not eat it. I talked to Sajid about this this morning because this was somewhat obscure to me. What he said was, what Snigdha Krishna meant is As long as you're standing there, they keep waiting for you to give them some more. They think, hey, there's the guy that brings the food. He's going to bring more. And it's like, food's over here? Fine, but we can get more. So you must be very careful. And if you move suddenly, the pig will kick the food out of the bucket. I think that is what you're doing.

[37:08]

That's what he's saying. So he was a little critical there in the seventh day of Stasheen. What he was seeing in his students was they weren't seeing the treasures that they already were. So he was chastising them a bit. Like, oh, isn't this practice hard enough for you? Well, maybe we can give you some harder practices. Just to cause more problems for yourself, you seek for something. But there is no need to seek for anything. You have plenty. And you have just enough problems. This is the mystery of life. I'm quoting him. We have just enough problems. Not too much or not too little. Sometimes we do have too much or too little. That's where you shouldn't take this literally. don't be too, don't take this as gospel.

[38:14]

So if you are patient enough, you can be strong enough to accept them. And then he says, you know, here above he says, not too much, not too little, but he says, if it's too much, you will die. And if it is too little, you will die. That's what Suzuki Roshi says. So we need these problems and we can be overwhelmed and we can be underwhelmed. People die because what they have to offer is not being utilized and they waste away. the treasures, I mean, whole sectors of our society are like that. Nonetheless, as we're sitting here in the Zendo, which is the time and place of a lecture and the time and place of our activity now, you are receiving as much as you need, just as much as you need.

[39:32]

So the only way is to trust Buddha and to trust your being here. That is the spirit of Zen. So he's closing, so I want you just to sit and be ready to go to the market as ripe apples to be served for Zen students. It's like, oh, so just be eaten completely. be fresh and kind of crunchy and delicious, and be food for other beings. That's all I wanted to say this morning, so let's sit more and have a full appreciation of our practice. That's where he ends. We have little time, so Thank you. I just find this quite inspiring talk. Almost all the talks are not always so, I feel that way. Anyway, thank you. Richard?

[40:34]

Yeah. The talk, were you reading from not only Sowers, were you reading from the transcripts of the talk itself? I'm reading from what I did because I wanted to get inside the talk was I edited the transcript myself, and then I found it was pretty close to not always so. What? But not verbatim, you know, so. But yes, all these all the talks are almost everything is available on kube.com. David Chadwick's site. I think, you know, it used to be password protected, but it's not even password protected now. So you can get all of the raw transcripts. Yeah, Eric. It's sort of fascinating to hear this because sometimes when I'm in the hospital and I find a Pentecostal patient,

[41:35]

they often say that God is only giving me enough suffering that I can deal with. Right? It's sort of like amazing. So Zen Buddha is kind of comical. It's the same sense of like we have the facility and the ability to deal with what's in front of us. Yeah, I think it's a kind of perennial message. Somebody God, I'm blanking his name. Who does prison work? His teaching to prisoners is, you can do this. Balaza. Balaza, yes, right. You can do this. That's also a radical teaching. Whatever it is, you can do it, even die.

[42:36]

You can do it, other people have done it. And you will. You can endure this, you can endure the pain. I think that's why Sojan was discouraged, moving his legs five seconds before the bell. It's like he felt, oh, I gave up. But then, instead of the pain in the legs, he had to reckon with the pain in his mind. We're always going to be given some kind of work to do. And any of that can be transformed to a gift. What's interesting is you didn't talk about it, but behind it all, I'm also a Tibetan practitioner, right behind it is karma, this understanding that it's all, in one way it's looking at his big mind and the way you're describing it is that that I'm experiencing the consequences, the effects of my causes.

[43:41]

And so in the Tibetan tradition, they talk about that a whole lot. Like, OK, here's a chance. But say, if I was going to interpret what I'm doing here from that perspective, it would be like I'm just ripening karma. So the pain in my head, the pain in my knees, all of that Right? Perhaps so, and I have some problem with that, but that's a longer discussion. But what I would say is, it's karmic activity and what I understand of a Buddhist approach to karma, you don't know what the effect You don't know what the cause of an effect is, but the pivotal opportunity is completely dependent on what you do now.

[44:43]

So, I may be experiencing some effect of transgressions in the past, but that does not I still have to deal with what am I going to do next. And that's where karma is. That's the kind of karma, that karma you can control. The past you can't. So my interest really is, don't dwell on why is this happening to me, but what will I do? And that's, even moment by moment, will I continue to drift or will I return to my breast? that has implications for us. Thank you. Any other thoughts or questions before we close? Katherine?

[45:47]

Sometimes the container of Seshim, with all of its challenges, seems to me such a privileged environment. And while I understand that the teaching that you don't get more than you can, you get the right amount of problems, is not to be taken too literally, there is an awareness that, not so very far away, is someone with more problems than she can handle or he can handle. And those problems are doing some real damage. And so there's this awareness of being in this privileged environment where I can work with myself.

[46:52]

And it's a tension and a difficulty, especially when I hear this kind of teaching, to also hold that other awareness at the same time. And sometimes it is what comes up for me as I sit facing the wall. And that's a difficulty that doesn't resolve. There are always problems. So that's a problem that you have. To me, the way you're describing it, yes, that makes complete sense. But the person who is thinking this, is you sitting here now. And what I feel each of us can do without, I don't want to be righteous about it, but you're not going to sit here for the rest of your life.

[48:13]

It's only a week. In that week, you encounter yourself in a very intimate way, I hope. And that encounter, I believe, this is where I have faith, serves to open us. And it opens us even to the things that we can't solve. but you could walk out of here with some freshness and energy and understanding, whatever, and rededicate yourself to whatever task you're going to do. If you use it to cultivate yourself, then it's kind of Yeah, then it's privileged and it's pointless.

[49:19]

If you use it to wake up, then you can find creative ways to benefit anyone that you encounter. And to benefit circumstances and situations, whether it's conflict, environment, whatever. But it also can be very local, just our families. How do people sit here and they can go back to their family refreshed in a way that really reduces sufferance. So it's not just for... If it's... Privilege implies self-privilege. And I don't think that's our attitude. But you have to be able... The thing is... That's exactly where one has to be able to bear the suffering that arises with whatever arises in your mind as you're sitting and facing the wall.

[50:32]

And that is part of it. And ask oneself, how? How do I live? How do I practice? How do I carry forth whatever I experience here through that door? And how do I bring what's outside in a safe and measured way in? So, you just have to be creative. You can do that. Linda? Just in response to that, I didn't hear Catherine saying, disrespecting the opportunity that we have in the Zendo to work with just enough problems, but what I heard was we should be really careful about applying that idea to people, to other people, and say, oh, they have just enough problems.

[51:38]

That's really, that would really be an unskillful Yeah, you may be right. I wasn't hearing it that way. Well, your message was also good, but I think somebody else will learn. No, you know, you don't go preaching on the street corner. God has given you, and Buddha has given you, just enough problems. No more problems than you need. Because that sucks. Well, anything else before we close? than me telling you just that, though, about themselves. Yeah, I mean, what's really interesting, because I've traveled a lot, is to see people in circumstances that might be somewhat, might be unimaginable to me, except I'm right there seeing it, to see them

[52:42]

also having joy. Joy is an amazing quality that has this incredible ability to grow up like a blade of grass cracking through the concrete. And even in situations of deprivation, nonetheless, There is suffering, and we don't just shunt it aside and say, oh, they're happy, it's okay. But people do feel that way, because they have suffering. Tell them to feel that way. I would not tell them to feel that way. I don't tell anybody. I can't even tell myself to feel that way. Well, thank you very much.

[53:40]

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