Good morning. Can you hear in the back? Need to be louder? Good. Well, today's talk will focus on a piece that's in Not Always So by Suzuki Roshi and it's titled, in the book it's titled, Just Enough Problems. And this was edited from a lecture that Suzuki Roshi gave at the end of Sesshin in February of 1971. And I can only imagine that this was his understanding of Buddhism put into plain and challenging terms that we can understand,

[01:06]

quite plain language. But I also suspect that this was a practice that he had established for himself and trusted. It wasn't just some, you know, wisdom that he was transferring, but it's actually, I suspect it's how he worked with himself. And he trusted the effect of that kind of practice. And so he was advising his students to do the same. And he was often talking about problems and talking about the necessity to appreciate them, which some of you may feel is a little hard to do. I do. So the context for this for myself right now

[02:16]

is that two weeks ago, I began what may be sort of a year of discernment or kind of free schedule to consider at the age of 66, what is it that I want to do when I grow up? And also this is something that Laurie and I are talking about. What is the next, what is this phase of our life look like? And it's a kind of sabbatical. And some of you may may look up here and say, well,

[03:19]

how can we miss him if he won't go away? But actually on Monday, I'm going to be, I'm going to New Mexico, where I'll be a residential teacher at the Upaya Zen Center for the next five weeks. Anyhow, this exploration might involve various possibilities and outcomes. But at the center of it is not so much perception of what external problems I may think I have. But I think at the center of it is a wish to examine the inner conditions of my mind and life and my own patterns and habits to consider them more closely, while I can. You know, to look at

[04:36]

look at the the old stuff that might fool me into thinking that something is a problem that isn't necessarily. And to see how that's consciously or unconsciously affecting my relationship to myself and my relationship to others. But it's also true that by marking off this interval of time this year, from another perspective, I may be giving myself a problem, something that may not be necessary. As I was reading, I was reading sort of widely around in Suzuki Roshi. And one of the things that he says in a

[05:56]

lecture is he quotes Dogen. And he says, you should establish your practice in your delusion. So perhaps that's what I'm doing. You know, I've, I've marked out in my delusion, I may have created a situation that is challenging. And to find a way to practice right there. Actually, what I realized is that this the current the inquiry, this kind of discernment is not this is not a new pattern for me. And it may be familiar to many of you. I realized as I was reflecting for this talk, that when I came to Berkeley Zen Center, when I really established my practice in the early 1980s. My motivation was much the same. I had been in seeing an excellent psychotherapist. And one day I went into therapy and I said, I really, I don't know what I'm

[07:25]

supposed to be doing on this planet. You know, what I'm supposed to be doing in my life. And she said, Oh, those are not psychotherapeutic questions. That's a spiritual question, you should explore it in a spiritual mode, which was, which was totally great advice, because actually, the next thing I did was come here. But what I see is that I came here with the same question. And my feeling, and I've thought this for quite a long time, is that the problems that I may perceive, I feel like the pattern in life has been to, you know, you work on them, you get some insight, you make some changes. And then the problems keep resolving to another level. And I've come to accept that. And I think that's, that's in line with another quotation that strikes me from Suzuki Roshi. This is, I think it was recounted by

[08:53]

by Ed Brown, from another session. It says, on the fourth day of session, as we sat with our painful legs, our aching backs, our hopes and doubts about whether it was worth it. Suzuki Roshi began his talk by saying, the problems you are experiencing now, and then Ed puts in parentheses, will go away, right? The problems you're experiencing now, will continue for the rest of your life. And I think that that's true, but it doesn't mean that they stay the same. And it doesn't mean that you're caught in those problems, in each moment. And it doesn't even mean that they're problems. So, I don't know whether this evolution of the problems that stay with us, whether they move to a higher level, or they're more refined, it might be just a kind of

[10:17]

shape-shifting as a working out of our karma. And maybe the musical theme for this talk would be from the Rolling Stones, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometime, you may get what you need. So anyhow, I'd like to, let me read you from this from this talk. So this was, this was given in February of 1971. And looking into sort of chronology of Suzuki Roshi's life, looking through Crooked Cucumber last night, seems to me that he was not feeling well, and it was shortly, it was like less than a month after this that he had a gallbladder operation.

[11:31]

Is that right? Yeah, but he did have a gallbladder operation, which they thought was treatment for what he had, but it wasn't the case. Actually, he persisted in feeling ill. And then in October, I think he was diagnosed with cancer. And he went very quickly from that. So anyway, let me read you from this, okay? And some comment along the way. So he's talking about, this is the seventh day of our Seshin. We've already come this far, and we cannot give up. So we're not sitting Seshin today. But actually, for many of us, this is, it's just day after day of practice, and year after year of practice, and we can't give up. So we come here to face ourselves and to face our practice. And so it's not the real intensity of Seshin, but there's an intensity to our lives and our practice that I think we need to honor.

[12:59]

Because there are many people in this room who come here day after day, week after week, for justice purpose. So Suzuki Roshi says, you may not feel you are ripe, but even though you are still ripening, if you stay in our storehouse, you will be good apples. I think in the original transcript, he said, you'll be good Page Street apples. So I have nothing to worry about. And he says, I don't think you have any reason to worry about your practice, either. Some of you may have started this Seshin because you have many problems. You thought if you sat here for seven days, or you thought if you sat here for 20 years, which is the case for a lot of people in this room, whatever problems, your problems would be solved.

[14:08]

Well, I can attest that that's not exactly the case. He says, but whatever problems you may have, they can be solved anyway, which is an interesting construction. Basically, they can be solved when you think you're going to solve them, or you think they're going to go away, or not. They still can be solved or dissolved. He says, whatever your problems are, they are just enough. If they are not enough problems, the Buddha is ready to give you more. Just so you can appreciate your problem. The Buddha will give you problem after problem until finally you get, oh, this is my life. This is what I'm being given.

[15:11]

The Buddha is always ready to give you something. And if you have nothing to cope with, your life feels empty. And I think for me, the feeling that I came here with in the early 80s was, I felt there was something to cope with, but I didn't know what it was. And that was a big problem. That was really painful. He says, so I think you should trust Buddha. A life without problems is like sitting in this zendo for seven days without doing anything. It's wasting your time. Here in the zendo, meditating for seven days, you have had many problems. You might think you have more problems while sitting than in your daily life.

[16:23]

I think for those of us who have been sitting a long time, some people say sitting is hard, but there are aspects of it that are clearly easier than our daily life. And we accept those problems. Actually, you are finding the problem that you have had all along as you're sitting, but didn't notice because you were fooled by something. When you're not aware of your problems, they will appear unexpectedly. He makes an interesting shift here. Some of you may wonder, some of you may sit in other traditions or have gone to other places, and in some places, when you sit, you face the center of the room. In some places, when you sit, everybody is facing the altar.

[17:34]

And in Soto Zen, we sit, for the most part, facing the wall, as you did the last period. And Suzuki Roshi says, Soto's students sit facing the wall. The Buddha is there behind you, and you are trusting him. If you trust completely, there is no need to face the Buddha. This is an attitude of complete trust. So we're trusting the Buddha, and also we're trusting each other. And I think this is sometimes an issue for people to face the wall, because it means we can't prepare for what comes to us face on.

[18:36]

Suzuki Roshi says, your enemies or problems will come from the back, not from the front. So to expose your back to Buddha means to express complete trust in Buddha. In many places, we wouldn't sit with our back to the room or back to the activity. We don't feel safe enough to do that. But here, having thrown ourselves into the house of Buddha, we have a space where we can trust. And we're not just trusting Buddha, we're actually trusting each other. We're trusting that we are creating a space that is safe for us, in a world that may not always feel safe. And yet we yearn for that safety. And that's what we try to create here.

[19:50]

Even though you feel you have too many problems, when you trust in Buddha, you sit with your problems. At the same time, here's where he allows a small bit of conditionality. At the same time, you should be ready to refuse a problem if it is too much. The Buddha may say, if you really don't need it, I will accept it at any time. Give it back to me. Now, I'm curious, when we talk, that's a really interesting question. How do you give the problem back to Buddha? I believe that is an open question. But more and more, the problem will change into something you need. You think, if I refuse this problem, I may regret it. So you keep it. You keep the problem. You hold it.

[21:05]

In another lecture, Suzuki Roshi says, you just wait with it. But you don't wait in a kind of stupid way. You wait and watch. And notice that the problem is not, just like our self is not static or fixed, the problem is always evolving and changing in large and small ways. Before you accept the problem you have in your position, which is an interesting expression, a lot of the problems that we have within the context of Berkeley Zen Center and our life here, is actually, tends to be problems in our positions.

[22:16]

Because we have practice positions and we have responsibilities and we have un-clarities and we have relationships. Relationships that are defined, to some extent, by the work that we have agreed to do here. And we've agreed to do the work, but we may not feel that we have agreed to the challenging relationships that we might encounter in the course of that work. So before you accept the problem that you have in your position, you cannot accept yourself as you are. When you steady your mind in zazen, in trust Buddha and just sit, then there's no confusion or problem anymore. And here's where he says, when you are patient enough and wait until the problem makes some sense to you,

[23:23]

you can appreciate your being here and your position, whatever it may be. That is how you practice zazen. So here, I feel like we're talking about our activity in this community, our activity in the world, and our activity as we sit facing the wall. These are not separate activities, they are one activity, they are one process of meeting ourselves and meeting all causes and conditions. When you practice zazen, there is no need to expect Buddha to help you solve your problems. Because I think when you practice zazen, you are Buddha.

[24:24]

You are manifesting Buddha nature. So Buddha is already helping you. And he says, but usually we refuse Buddha's offer. I discovered as I was thinking about this talk, a story came to mind. And then I discovered that I actually had given a version of this talk three years ago. And not so surprisingly, the same story came to mind. So you may have heard this story. So the context is this, that Buddha is already helping you, but usually we refuse Buddha's offer. So there was an old man sitting on his porch, watching torrential rainfall.

[25:28]

And pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house and began to flood. And he was still sitting there and a boat came by and the people on board said, you can't stay here, you have to come with us. And he replied, no, God will save me. So the boat left. And then in a couple of hours the water was up to the second floor. And another boat came by and again they said, you know, you got to get in the boat and come with us. And he again replied, God will save me. So the boat sailed off. And in a couple of hours the water was up to the roof and he was sitting on the roof. And a helicopter arrived and hovered overhead and tried to get the guy to go up there with him.

[26:30]

And he said, he refused to go. He said, God will send a miracle and save me. So the helicopter flew away. Shortly after that, as the water kept rising, the man drowned. And he goes to heaven. And when he sees God, he says, why didn't you save me? I thought you would give me a miracle. You've let me down. And God said, you jerk. I don't know what you're complaining about. I sent two boats and a helicopter to rescue you. So this is, I think, this is a subtext of what Suzuki Roshi is saying. We're always getting this help. We're always getting what we need within our problem. And also as a way of looking at these problems.

[27:36]

You're refusing to accept the treasure that you already have. And then he goes into a story which really comes from his childhood. He said, you're like a pig. So when I was young, my father was very poor and he raised pigs. So his father, Butsuman Sogaku, this was a very, this is a shameful thing for a priest to raise pigs. It was embarrassing, but they needed what little income and food they could get. So he said, if you give pigs a bucket of food, as long as you remain there, they will not eat it. They're expecting you to give them more food. And if you move away too quickly, they will kick over the food bucket, chasing after you. So you must be very careful. So it's like, hold our problems really carefully because they're precious.

[28:45]

I think that is what you do. Instead of working with the problem you have, you cause yourself more problem by seeking for something else. But there's no need to seek for something else. You have plenty of problems, just enough. This is a mysterious thing, the mystery of life. We have just enough problems, not too many and not too few. So if you are patient enough, if you are strong enough to accept your problems, then you can sit calmly and peacefully, trusting Buddha and trusting your own being. Because you are helped. And the way you are helped is perfect. You exist here. In this world, this world in Buddhist cosmology is referred to as the Saha world.

[29:46]

And that translates into something like the world in which one has to endure. A world that is full of challenges, a world that has problems. And it's from this world that one can wake up. And that's the advantage of being in this world. One can become a Buddha in the Saha world. But you can only become a Buddha by knowing how to be with your problems. The problems that are just enough. If you are patient enough, if you are strong enough to accept your problems, then you sit calmly and peacefully, trusting Buddha and trusting your own being. Because you are helped, and the way you are helped is perfect, you exist here.

[30:50]

If it's too much, you'll die. And if it's too little, you will die. That's... I think when I came to this practice, what I felt was... I didn't feel that I would die, but I felt that I wasn't fully alive. And I deeply wanted to be fully alive. And so I needed to know what... I needed to know what the problem of my life was, so that I could be fully alive. And I really feel that, I feel the truth of that. And it's just continued for all these years. You're receiving just what you need. So the only way is to trust Buddha, to trust your being here. This is what we call Zen. I want you just to sit and be ready to go to the marketplace as ripe apples.

[32:05]

Let's sit with full appreciation for our practice. And then every article in this book, every piece ends, thank you very much. So how do we be thankful for the difficulties that we have? This is really a challenge. But every teaching, all the traditional teachings include this challenge. If you think of Shantideva talking about the practice of patience, he says something quite similar. In terms of a problem, if it can be remedied, why get upset over something? And if it can't be remedied, what help is it to get upset over something? So how do we engage with just what is right in front of us?

[33:15]

How do we take that on? There's another in the mind training versus Lojong practice, there's this slogan which I've talked about before, drive all blames into one. And Chogyam Trungpa says, this slogan is the essence of the Bodhisattva path. Taking everything, all the mess, things we do not deserve, our errors and so on. So taking, it's not about blaming yourself, it's about taking responsibility for everything. And so the problems that we have are just natural, they're the gifts that we've been given so that we have a way to be alive. And we create a problem for ourselves.

[34:16]

After a while, we may really feel, as Dogen said, that Zazen is the Dharma gate of repose and bliss. But not always. Sometimes it's just hard. And sometimes what we sit with is hard. And yet we do this over and over again, because we believe that this is the way to engage with the world, to engage with ourself in the world. So in that moment, sitting cross-legged, you know, today my problem was I have a twisted ankle, so I had to find a comfortable way to sit upright. Now that's a small problem compared to problems other people have.

[35:20]

We sit with all kinds of circumstances. We sit with lost love. We sit with disappointments. We sit with fears, realistic fears about our health. We sit with our anger at the circumstances of the world. As Trungpa says, we basically sit with everything, all the mess, the things we do not deserve, and others' errors, and our own errors. So that's the practice that we have. That's the manifestation of just enough problems. So, thank you very much.

[36:23]

We have some time for questions, comments. Yeah, Katie. I'm thinking about this question of taking responsibility, or driving all planes into one. I love it, but I'm also curious about it. And I was wondering, something that occurred to me was that perhaps it's like finding or developing your independence rather than blame, or waiting for the situation to change, or something like that. Is that akin? I think it's akin. What comes to mind is this interesting word that Suzuki Roshi used, independency,

[37:26]

which seems to me is like a hybrid of independent and interdependent. And I think it's the manifestation of both of those. And we have to have the fluidity and the flexibility to be able to move freely, independently, while recognizing our complete interdependence. Peter? I have this problem sometimes. Sorry. Too bad for you. Or you're so lucky. It's actually a problem of making my problem more complicated, which is comparing my problem with what I imagine other people's problems are. And then I feel, if I don't do that, my problem becomes kind of overwhelming. As though I'm stuck by myself, or something like that.

[38:29]

So I want to compare myself, in other words, to kind of lessen the burden there. I'm thinking off the top of my head here. Does it work? It really doesn't. The alternative is just this. And that's pretty hard too. Yeah, but that's our aspiration, right? That's the principle that leads us on. And so, if we can return to that, it's really helpful. I think that's what Suzuki Roshi is doing here. He's asking us to return to just enough problems. Liz? Would you comment on when you were reading from Suzuki Roshi's lecture

[39:31]

several times he refers to Buddha in a way that is interchangeable with God. He talks about Buddha as this person who is acting on us in the present. And I find that really throws me. I have a real hard time with that. I'd like to hear your comments. Well, I think, yeah, I understand. I don't think of Buddha as an external force or an external agent. But the way that Suzuki Roshi is speaking seems to me consonant with his culture and training. I think he keeps also throwing it back to us.

[40:33]

So when he says, towards the end, I didn't quote this part, but he's talking about Zen masters. He said, you may think all the Zen masters are very tough. He looks tough when you need to be tough, but he's not actually so tough. Then he says, actually, you don't need your master if you know how to practice Zazen. And I feel like what he's saying is you don't need some idea of Buddha if you know how to practice Zazen because in that manifestation you are manifesting the nature of Buddha. That's what I mean. So, Jim, do you want to? Well, I would say, we get so worried about whether there is God or not God.

[41:34]

When you need to use the term God or think that way, that's fine. If you don't need to think that way, fine too. Why worry about it? We really create a big problem. I worry about whether there is or isn't. Yeah. Why worry about that? Use it. If it's convenient, use it. If it's not convenient, don't use it. But why should we worry about it? I do think that in every case he's pointing you back towards your own resources. The problem that we have is the problem of the self. That's the biggest problem. So we worry about if there is or isn't. There is no is or isn't, actually. Why worry?

[42:36]

Just go about your business and practice. If you really have a good practice, just give everything over to the truth of practice. If God appears, if God doesn't appear, how will you know? And I think in that tradition, giving everything over to the truth of practice is just expressed as Buddha. Yes. So what is Buddha? Who is Buddha? We belong to the two human bodies, the whole universe. There's nothing to worry about. Linda? At one point you were saying that if there's a way to improve the situation or solve the problem, then why get upset? And if there's no way to solve the problem, then why get upset?

[43:40]

What Shanti Deva says is, if there's a way to solve the problem, why get upset? If you can't solve the problem, getting upset is not going to help you. So my question is, if I am actually upset, you or Shanti Deva telling me, don't get upset, is not going to help me either. That's true, but first of all, I didn't say that. And second of all, the only reason that Shanti Deva is talking about this is because in full compassion, he recognizes people get upset. So he's just presenting a balance so you can consider that maybe you have another option, but it's not to talk you out of being upset.

[44:49]

I don't think. Okay, good. So in that case, if you step back from that full compassion of Shanti Deva and saw me upset, how would you help me? I'd probably put my arms around you. I would invite you to come upstairs and sit and let's spend some time, let's talk it through. I would meet you. I think all Shanti Deva is trying to do is to meet suffering beings. That's the essence of our practice. And that's fine. It's not to say, Linda, you shouldn't be upset. What are you upset about? What's the problem? Get over it. That is not helpful. But it doesn't mean that I actually have to believe in what you're upset about.

[45:57]

My motivation is how can we be free? That's my wish for myself and that's our wish for each other. Right? Maybe one more. Ed. Yeah, for many of us, or for me, the problems exist within my family. And he's spoken with it. There's a saying that we often tell ourselves. That we didn't cause it. We can't cure it. We can't control it. And what we're left with is just sitting with it. And it's really, really hard. Getting support. Well, I think what you just said at the end,

[47:02]

and it's connected to what Linda was saying. When we're caught in those kinds of circumstances, and this is part of what my overall context was in terms of, I said, looking at the inner work that I need to do this year. I can only do this work in relationship. I can only do this work by seeking connection. I don't know what the form is, and you don't know what the form is, but we know that isolating hurts. And that connecting brings at least some feeling of wholeness. That won't necessarily make the pattern shift radically. But things can change radically.

[48:08]

I mean, the Buddha woke up. And other beings are always waking up. Whether not necessarily in some categorical way, but even those of us who are suffering have a vast capacity for enlightened activity. Quite apart from the awful things that may very well have happened to us in childhood or even before we can remember. We're still capable, because we have that Buddha nature, of enlightened activity. Can I request to add one more thing? Sure. I just want to actually thank you for sharing what's happening with you right now through this talk. And I want to say that I respect and love you for sharing that way

[49:12]

and for what you're doing in your life. Thank you. Thank you all.

[49:17]

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