I've got this nifty little... Let's see if I can get this here. And I will see if my papers will stay up there. So, I hope you're all well this beautiful morning. I saw a little squirrel running across the roof on my lamp. It was really beautiful. So, what I want to talk about today is something that's dear to the heart of any Zen student. And that is how we actually wake up in our ordinary life. How we manifest our bodhisattva vow and what are some of the things that we need to know to support us in that. We come into every moment and we can, as Suzuki Roshi said, carry our preconceived notions and be an expert with limited possibilities or we can enter with beginner's mind

[01:25]

Dogen Senchi calls this how's thinking. So we can think about everything or we can remain open with how's thinking. How's thinking is like how? It's a kind of wondering. It's a kind of openness and stability. So we do this moment after moment in every situation in our lives, trying our best to manifest our commitment to our Bodhisattva vow. And you all know this Bodhisattva vow. Do you all know this vow? Is there anybody here who doesn't know Bodhisattva vow? Oh, good. Great. This Bodhisattva vow is our intention to wake up with all beings.

[02:29]

Our intention to let go of self-centeredness. We so often come to practice focused on our own suffering. It's what drives us. But actually, the solution to our difficulty is to engage with all beings. to wake up with all beings. So this is our bodhisattva vow. This is not always easy. It requires of us the ability to turn towards what is difficult. It requires of us the willingness to ask how. The willingness not to run away. The willingness to stay present.

[03:33]

And we don't know how to do that. Someone snaps at us and we snap back. And we think, where was my bodhisattva vow then? How do I repair this? It's not... It may seem sometimes like a very deep mystery, this how. But it's also very concrete. It needs to be very concrete. When we're sitting in zazen and we find ourselves drifting or with a pain in our legs, we ask how. We turn towards. We don't run away. So we need to be really clear with ourselves and we need to not fool ourselves. We're very good at fooling ourselves. This little self, this one who clings, this one who's frightened can come up with lots of really odd notions about what it means to wake up.

[04:45]

Generally they run along the lines of I'm going to be safe and happy. I'm not going to hurt anymore. Somehow I'm going to get somewhere, somehow, where it's going to be tidy and nice and calm, not disruptive. This can be a sense of withdrawal or it can be a sense of invincibility, like nothing's going to bother me. Notice the me. Notice the me part there. Me. Nothing's going to bother me. So we notice that these notions come up over and over again. They crop up constantly. We fool ourselves. But we also know or we learn very quickly that the actual experience of waking up in our lives is very different from that.

[05:50]

The actual experience is a matter of getting down into the mud with all beings. This is sometimes called humility. It has a kind of bad rep, the word humility, but it actually means Being of the earth. Being willing to actually settle into this moment and be of the earth. So we climb down. We don't float up. We climb down into the mud. And we take up moment by moment the details of our life. So to do this, we have to develop trust in ourselves. And we have to develop trust in our innate courage, in our innate capacity to be honest, and in our innate compassion.

[07:03]

Courage, as you probably know, means with heart. It means, again, this willingness to be present. Having the intention, actually turning our body and mind. It's sometimes like heavy lifting, you know. Turning our body and mind towards the present moment. And honesty means that we actually open our eyes and look and see what's there. Yamada Roshi said, honesty is the most important thing in the practice of Sazen. Honesty is the most important thing. So we stay clear about what's happening. But you can have, if you have courage and honesty, you can see what's happening and you have the ability to stay present for it in a way. But without compassion, without a kind of simple, kind-hearted spirit, we will be off, off in a shot.

[08:18]

So there has to be this kind-heartedness, this suffering with, which is what compassion is, this willingness to be kind. If we don't have that capacity, then the clarity that comes with courage and honesty can turn to harshness. So these three qualities are the qualities we're always working with, qualities we're always trying to support in ourselves. When we develop these or when we attempt to develop these, there's nothing that's not included in our life. It's like a hall of mirrors or traditionally the image of a vast sky is sometimes used. There is nothing Even our tendency to turn away is included. So we constantly come back to just this. You know, we say, just this is it.

[09:24]

This very mind is Buddha. Well, that's nice. But do you actually stay there? So Dogen talks about our practice of generosity. He says, to give the flowers on the hillside to themselves is generosity. It's this spirit that we cultivate when we sit down with honesty, courage, and compassion, allowing each thing to be itself. We're not trying to cram it into the shape that we want it to be that works for our agenda. Instead, we allow it. Oh, hello. Yeah? These qualities are most difficult to develop when we really are confronted with our demons, when we are confronted with that which challenges us very deeply, who we think we are.

[10:38]

or when we're frightened. And there's a wonderful story about a great Tibetan teacher called Milarepa that can help us with this. Have any of you heard of Milarepa? He was a wild guy. He did all kinds of really terrible things in his youth. And then he found his teacher Marpa And Marpa really put him through the wringer. You hear these Zen stories about people breaking their legs and getting whacked and stuff. Well, Marpa was like right in there. He had Milarepa building all these things and then tearing them down and building them someplace else. Because he needed to train him. Milarepa was this wild guy. This story about Milarepa takes place after he'd been practicing diligently, it says, for many years.

[11:41]

So he was in a cave and he was there practicing and had been for a long time. So he decides that he's going to go out and get some firewood. So while he's out gathering firewood, five demons come and take up residence in his cave. And he's pretty startled to find these demons when he comes back home. You can imagine. I mean, we think of all these wild stories like they happen all the time, but actually imagine what it would be like to have a nice cozy cave and come back and find five demons. Now, the story goes, one of them was sitting on his bed, preaching the Dharma. Some of them were listening, they were going through his books, they were, you know, fussing with his cook pots. I mean, they had just completely taken over his cave. So, after he gets over his shock,

[12:48]

Milarepa decides that these must be local deities. They must be kind of really basically good guys, right? But he hasn't been taking care of them properly. He hasn't been giving them offerings and compliments. So he decides that he's going to, on the spot, he makes up this song to sing to them, to appease them. This is the song. It goes on for a long time, but this is the last part of the song. I'm not going to sing it, OK? I'm a terrible singer. Ye local demons, ghosts, and gods, all friends of Milirepa, drink the nectar of kindness and compassion, then return to your abodes. OK? So he's saying, you know, you're all my buddies. I'm going to give you kindness and compassion, and then go away. You know, they don't go for it at all. Not at all, you know. They stare at him balefully, it says. And then one of them starts biting his lips and gnashing his teeth and they start laughing at him and shouting at him and just going nuts, you know.

[14:02]

They're screaming and singing and just doing everything that they can to frighten him with frightening glares. And he's like, okay, that didn't work. Next. Next he comes up with a powerful incantation and he chants it forcefully. He wants to drive them out, right? So this is his next gimmick. I'm going to drive these demons out with this powerful, forceful incantation. It doesn't work. Again, they're just impervious. So then he decides, well, I'm going to preach the Dharma with great compassion. Surely, this will work. But leave me alone. It doesn't work. So he's pretty stumped. And then he remembers.

[15:03]

Then he remembers something really important. And this is what it says in the text he remembers. Through the mercy of my teacher, Marpa, I have already realized that all beings and all phenomena are of one's mind. What, therefore, is the use of all this? And how foolish I am to try and dispel these manifestations. So he remembers, he remembers that these demons are not different from him. And he sits down and he sings his song of realization. This is a long song, but the last verse of the song goes like this. It's directed to the demons. Ye ghosts and demons, enemies of the Dharma, I welcome you today.

[16:08]

It is my pleasure to receive you. I pray you stay. Do not hasten to leave. We will discourse and play together. Although you would be gone, stay the night. At this, the demons form a whirlpool, merge into one, and vanish. So we look at this story because it teaches us something very important about how we regard the events and manifestations of our life, especially how we regard what we consider real obstacles. We think obstacles are to be gotten over, but actually what we have to do is eat them. So the first thing we notice about this story is that Milarepa doesn't pretend that the demons aren't there.

[17:10]

He doesn't try and just kind of move in with them and get along and ignore the fact that they're preaching the Dharma and going through his books and his cookbox. He doesn't do that. He actually acknowledges that they're there. He's not frightened. Well, he may be frightened. We don't know. He doesn't tell us why he's frightened. But we do know that he responds He has courage and honesty. He faces what's going on in his cave. And he decides to engage them. The second thing we notice is that placating the demons doesn't work. Being nice, kind of like, oh, it's okay. I'll give you these compliments and tell you how wonderful your valley is and then you'll go away. These demons are being a good teacher.

[18:15]

They expect more from him. They're not going to let him get away with this superficial response. They're going to drive him deeper. The next thing we notice is that powerful incantations don't work. Trying to banish them doesn't work. This is really important. Aggression doesn't work, ever. The willingness, the desire to get rid of these bothersome, irritating, frightening, disturbing demons Pushing them doesn't work. I don't know how many of you know this, but Philip Whelan died recently, yeah? You know, this wonderful old cantankerous, wonderful teacher.

[19:17]

And one of his students wrote a poem, and in it he quoted Philip as saying, getting involved with Zen practice is like getting involved with a tar baby. Isn't that great? It's like you can't ever get away from it, you know? And these demons are like this. For Maitreya Rapa, he can't, like, push them away, you know, no matter how hard he tries. He's stuck. Even preaching the Dharma to them doesn't work. Now notice, in his preaching the Dharma, he's actually asking them to change. He's preaching the Dharma to them. Will you please change? Will you please stop being such naughty demons? Will you just go away? This doesn't work either. We know this. Because we can't ask these outside events to change.

[20:22]

Which doesn't mean we don't ask them to take responsibility. But that's not a part of this story. It's only when Milarepa ceases to see these demons as different from himself that the demons vanish. In one of the stories, one of the versions of this story, Milarepa actually, each time he does something, one or two demons will go away and then there's this one last one that won't leave. And in this version of the story, Milarepa puts his head inside the demon's mouth So we see this willingness to join. When Milarepa settles down into this non-dual understanding of himself and the demons, when he's not pushing them away, when he actually realizes the basis of compassion, which is this non-difference, then the demons vanish.

[21:31]

And I would say that in a sense Milarepa vanishes too. The Milarepa that was. We can wonder, is Milarepa the same after this process as he was before? Something's different here. And you also notice that he's willing to sing and play. He says, play with me. Discourse with me. He's singing a song. This is not grim. This is not rigid. This is playful. This is willing. This is alive. Milarepa at that point doesn't have anything to protect. He knows that he's just a living reality of this moment with these demons.

[22:37]

And the thing that's interesting, of course, for us is that we can read a story like this and we think, oh, that's nice. I can do that once. But actually, we have to do it over and [...] over. And it's wonderful in a way because these demons are really teaching us, pushing us, pushing us. These demons pushed Milarepa. They didn't let him get away with anything short of actually expressing his realization, his non-dual reality in that moment. In that way, there's no demon and no us. There's just this. And when we know this in this moment and then we return to it again and again, it becomes alive. It's about our concrete life, not about some airy-fairy place someplace else.

[23:49]

We don't need to search very far to find an opportunity to deal with obstacles, demons, uncomfortableness. We don't have to look very far for this. You know, we have a grumpy co-worker, or, you know, one of my perennial favorites, somebody cuts in front of you on the freeway. We feel this, you know, rrrr, or ooo, or whatever. And we notice our habitual tendencies, and we have the opportunity right then. Can we cultivate courage, honesty, and compassion? Can we really go through this process of moving towards our song of realization? the heart of what we're doing moment by moment.

[24:57]

So with Milly Ripa, we have to stop long enough to remember who we are. Yeah? I mean, imagine coming home. You know, either demons move in, or we just vacate. And then we come back home and say, oh, what happened while I was gone? You know? All these demons are here, taking over. And we come back again and [...] again with each breath. Justice, justice, this very moment is Buddha, justice, justice. This kind of engagement, this kind of willingness to experience ourselves as something other than us and them, is also present in our practice of bowing. Suzuki Roshi said we have to be willing to bow with every breath, basically.

[26:12]

So what does that mean? I think Mili Rampa was bowing to these demons when he sat down and sang his song. Our body knows when we bring our forehead to the floor or we put our hands palm to palm. Our body knows this non-dual relationship. Our heart and mind can experience this non-dual relationship in a very concrete way. Moment by moment, we bow to this moment. We sit down. We try our best to remember who we are. Very concretely, very immediately, This is, when we do this, when we're willing to do this bowing, moment by moment, then each moment is our teacher. Each moment is pushing us to this song of realization. Each, you know, there are

[27:22]

many aspects of our practice categorized in many ways. And each of us leads us back. Each of them leads us back to this reality. These stories lead us back. Milarepa leads us back. The demons lead us back. Bowing, you know, our relationships, everything leads us back to this. It's a matter of us finding what tells us, what reminds us, so that we turn towards and remember. When we do this, when we actually cultivate the Spirit, we let go of our notions and we have some gentle awareness Sometimes it's fierce, but it's not grim.

[28:25]

There's a song there. There's play there. There's chipmunks or squirrels running across the roof there. There's aliveness there. And we let go of any rigid notions that we have, any defended notions that we have of who we are and who the other is and how it's all going to work out and we have all these plans and we simply bow to this moment. And it's very, very concrete. So we use these stories like Milarepa or any of our Zen stories to help us remember this. Do you think we can do that together? I hope so. That's what we need to do, I think.

[29:29]

Together, in the mud. Not on a mountaintop, although Milarepa goes to a cave, he's still in the mud with everybody. This is a relational thing. You know? So now I'd like to invite you if you have any questions. Or comments, yes. Thank you so much. It's really nice to have you here. And I guess what comes up for me in your talk is there seems to be an awful lot of trust involved in these hard lessons that we get from either each other or from our teachers, where we think, well, gee, they're kind of being hard on me, year after year, sometimes day after day. It's really not supposed to be that way, and they should not be doing that to me. or however, whatever's going on in our minds, or I could say my mind. So I was wondering if you could say something about how you come to that place of trusting the teacher, the practice, what's presented to you.

[30:36]

Yeah. This is a really, really central question. I think it's something actually that that particular word trust is something that I've thought about a lot. I think the question is, what do we mean by the word trust and where do we put our trust. If what we mean by the word trust is I trust, there are different layers of trust. There's a fundamental trust of, you know, I'm going to go to sleep now and I'm going to trust you not to crack me on the head. I mean, you know, there's like fundamental concrete ways that we make ourselves, we create a sane life for ourselves, you know. And deeper than that, we really can only trust life. That's what we can trust. We can trust this moment to be itself. Now, our capacity to actually experience that trust is something that we cultivate with kindness.

[31:48]

If we are, you know, you shouldn't have any opinions or thoughts, you know, you can't, you don't have to make yourself safe, just, it's all okay, you know. doesn't work. You know, that's a kind of aggressive energy. But if we're willing to actually stay in the soup with a kind awareness of ourselves and others, then we can begin to trust the practice of being present. And that's letting go of our attachment to self, not like we have no rights or It's not like that. You know that. It's more that life itself wakes up itself. Life is practicing this practice. We are not practicing this practice. Life is practicing this practice.

[32:50]

And it is utterly reliable that life is going to be itself. You can count on it. What you can't count on is that it's going to be what's convenient for us. And when we start to use this attitude of being present with demons, then it really, things become more teachers. And there's joy there. Okay? Thank you very much. You're welcome. Yeah. Hi. There were a number of things that, well first of all I want to say that I'm having a moment where I feel like, for lack of a better word, I feel like I'm full of grace or something and it's really nice and I felt it a lot while you were talking. One of the things that kept coming to mind while you were talking was I kept thinking about my grandmother dying and is probably one of the oddest experiences I ever had.

[33:54]

I was with her when she died, which just sort of happened. I showed up a couple hours and my mom was there and I remember being there thinking, oh mom, please don't leave the room. I don't want her to die. I don't want her to be in this room with this dead person. That was my biggest fear, was being in the room with a dead person. And when she died, it was, when you said the word concrete, that's what I thought. sort of had this weird breathing thing, and then it would stop, and then it would breathe, and then our heart stopped. And I recall that, even though it was so long ago. It was so concrete, it was so simple. And when you were talking, I understand that concept of, or what it sounded to me like you were talking about, is that simplicity of, it just is something, and, you know, that's it. And I kept thinking about that, and I don't know, And what you just said about that life will come through and have in the trust and the faith is... I keep coming and I keep sitting, and I don't know if I'm doing a whole lot else.

[35:06]

I'm reading, I'm coming, I'm sitting, I'm meditating, and everything I've tried hasn't really worked. And I think it just sort of dawned on me that trying isn't what's going to do it. and that maybe, I don't know, is part of what you're saying that if I sort of have this commitment to coming and sitting and reading and listening, that that somehow is going to take that step away and that the life is going to, I don't know, replace it? No, life is there already. It's not... That is the life, what you're doing. It's not a matter of replacing anything. This is what's so hard for us, I think, sometimes. We want to replace something. Over and over again, we keep thinking we're going to replace something. But there's nothing to replace. There's no way that... That unkindness, that meanness, that aggression, that... Does it...

[36:11]

What does it do if it's not what I'm expressing? It leaves you to your own heart. If you let it. Yes? I have a question about when you're in a relationship and you have someone who constantly triggers your family origin issues and you know, you can look at that, okay, there's lessons here but aren't there times when you leave and decide that it's not a good thing to be around that kind of energy? Absolutely. So, that's still life. That's still life. Absolutely life. The problem with this emphasis in the teachings is that sometimes it can sound like getting up and walking away is not an option.

[37:18]

And that is not the truth. This is one of the reasons why I talk about things being very concrete. We have to be very real and honest about what actually supports us. That doesn't mean being like the princess and the pea, you know, where every little thing's like, you know, I want things to be all cozy. But it does mean if we actually are, if we're actually experiencing overwhelm to an extent where it's undermining our capacity to be present for ourselves, then it is time. Yeah. Yeah. That's your wisdom. Yep. Good. Important. Very important. We can't lose track of our human, ordinary lives.

[38:20]

We have to make choices with as much wisdom and compassion as we can muster, moment after moment. And sometimes that means going someplace else. It's very, as you say, very simple, but sometimes it takes a while to figure it out. Yes? I just have kind of a question about going back to the story. So, theoretically, what was the guy's name? Mili Ripa. Mili Ripa. Okay, so let's say... I really enjoyed the lecture, and I'm just trying to kind of take it a little further. So let's say that Billy Raven wakes up the next day, and he goes, he does his shopping or whatever, and comes home, and there are the five demons again. So I'm thinking, okay, I'm Billy Raven, I come home, but now I know, you know, because yesterday I went through all these But now I'm like, oh, you know, so I immediately go into, I'm so happy you're here.

[39:24]

You know what I mean? You've decided to play. Put my groceries down and bring out the cards. So the next day again, you know, there's not the struggling. Maybe. Or, you know, whatever. The idea that it's a little different. And it's a little easier for me to find that place of non-dual. acceptance. Now, will that, will, I guess, and I'm just kind of asking more, you know, as I'm a teacher or a student, I should say, of Zen philosophy. So, the next day, then let's say they leave. Oh, well, you know, if you're just going to accept me and whatever, I'm bored already, so I'm going to go. So then, Let's say the third day. Now, would it be that Lily Raper goes shopping and comes home and there are no demons of that sort?

[40:26]

It could be. It could be. You know, it's like it depends on how long it takes for us to get it. I mean, what you're describing is practice. Every day we go, we take our groceries, we come home to the cave, and there are the demons again. And we go off, we get our groceries, we come home, more demons. I mean, this is what we do over and [...] over. And if we have the spirit, though, then we remember over and over and over. And we remember that we're not different. So, for example, the first day there was the And correct me if I'm not translating this properly. There was the demons, was the forgetting that were the same. So it took a while to remember, to come to that place. Yeah, it takes a long time sometimes.

[41:27]

Of remembering, you know. So then the next day there's the forgetting. So I'm just going to stop with the demon and just go to the remembering and forgetting. Yeah. But the time and the distance gets a little closer. Yes, that does tend to happen sometimes. Depending on circumstances, too, we can get lost again. Okay, so that's kind of where I was going. So then let's say that I also use driving as a great spurt. So that, you know, the cutting off or whatever, it stops having that feeling of separation. but will life, sort of, because life is happening, create different demons? Oh, I think we can't think quite so... I would say yes and no. It's a good sane answer, right? In a sense, The demons that we need, the teachers that we need arise in our lives.

[42:34]

On the other hand, we are not the center of the universe. You know, we are life, which is living itself. So it's not like, oh, well, everything's going to kind of organize around us. It doesn't work like that. So it's a kind of both and. So sort of new experience, just as the randomness of the universe, new experience will present themselves and it's not necessarily that it's doing it for me. Exactly. I think it's time to continue the discussion outside. Okay. Thank you very much.

[43:17]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ