Zen master Uman said, the old Buddha communes with the pillar. What sort of mind is this? And he answered himself and he said, clouds gather over the southern mountain. Rain falls on the northern mountain. In the Zendo, the Buddha on the altar, wooden Buddha, is looking at the wall back there all day long, without getting tired. Human beings are not wooden Buddhas, but nevertheless, they are Buddhas. And human beings commune with something, all day long.

[01:07]

What are they doing? What does it mean to commune with a pillar? Human beings and inanimate objects is Buddha. But this point is a very important point and points to why we practice. Why do we sit zazen? Why do we bow? Why do we eat in a special way in zendo? Why do we have the various forms of practice that we do?

[02:12]

Today I want to talk about an old subject that we all know about. Maybe new people don't know. The subject of bowing. What is bowing? In our practice we bow quite a lot. When I first came to practice, the thing that struck me right away was that everybody was bowing. At first, I was a little hesitant to engage in something like bowing, which is something that nobody I ever knew ever did, and something that I had never done. Although I had some idea about it, good idea, you know, I really like it, but, you know, who does it? Something about me liked it, but on the other hand was a little hesitant.

[03:25]

Maybe I was getting caught by something or engaging in something that made me feel a little trepidatious. But I did it anyway. Everybody around me was doing it, so I did it. And actually, I liked it. It was a good feeling to bow, but still I had some hesitation and some feeling about it. And I remember my teacher bowing, didn't have any hesitation at all about bowing. And if he would bow to me, I would feel very funny not bowing to him. And when he did bow to me, I felt very much at ease bowing to him. And little by little, I began to realize that

[04:32]

the act of bowing was as important as the act of sitting. That sitting and bowing is the same thing. And then I began to realize that eating in a formal way, which was just eating, eating in a formal way of eating in Zendo is just eating. And it was very rarely that I'd ever done that. And even if I had just eaten, it wasn't exactly the same, with the same feeling or concentration or merging with eating as I had ever done. And when we did work, when I worked with my teacher and in the environment of the practice, the work didn't have a different feeling than when I usually worked, the usual kind of work. And especially zazen, bowing, eating and working all together, had a completely different meaning than usual activity.

[05:54]

It had more meaning like the ancient Buddha communes with the pillar. Unless we know how to bow, we can't really understand zazen. Bowing, the problem that sometimes we have with bowing is that we see ourselves as a subject over against an object, even if it's another person. It's, oh you, me and you doing something, or me bowing to some inanimate object. Imagine. Because we see ourself as separate from things. Usual mind is dualistic mind. It's like the waves in the water. The waves are the activity or the expression of the water's activity.

[07:06]

But all the waves belong to the water. Many different waves belong to the water. But in our usual activity, all we see is the waves. Because the waves are so strong, we don't see the water for the waves. We don't see the forest for the trees. Actually, same thing. And in zazen, we calm the water, we calm the waves so that we can be at one with the water. When the waves are calm, there's just water as far as you can see. And in bowing, when we bow, we don't think, I'm bowing to Buddha. I am bowing to the pillar, I am bowing to you. We just bow, with nothing at all in our mind, no idea about some object.

[08:10]

We're not bowing to an object, even though we bow to the pillar. One day someone said, Do we have to bow to the gamassio? Gamassio is the sesame salt that we use to season our cereal with. And we usually bow when we pick it up and use it. And when we put it down, we would bow to it. In between all of our acts, we bow. And bowing is communion, but it's also clearing our mind. completely stopping the waves of our mind, so that we enter the ocean, deep ocean of complete being. So when we bow, we say, who am I bowing to?

[09:12]

What am I bowing to? That's a good question, but Fundamentally, we're always bowing to ourself. When we bow to Buddha, wooden Buddha, we're bowing to ourself, actually. And when we bow to, if I bow to you, I'm bowing to myself. But we have to understand, what is myself? our dualistic mind says, this is myself and that's you. It's true that each thing exists as its own, it has its own individual existence. But these waves belong to the same water. These waves are expressions of the same water. So

[10:16]

We're always merging with ourself. The old Buddha merges with himself as the pillar. So we don't have any problem with the waves. Actually, we should learn how to ride the waves. but at the same time we should understand the source of the waves and we should know who we are. So the purpose of Zazen is to know who we are and to express that, express our life and our understanding and our deep nature. If we just... the danger of our practice is to do something mechanically, to just be mechanical, you know, to bow mechanically, to work mechanically, to sit zazen mechanically, just because it's somewhat repetitious.

[11:36]

Practice has a rhythm to it. But... Real practice, genuine practice, is to find the life in each moment, each moment of practice. Bring to life each moment of practice, even though we do what seems like the same thing over and over again. There's no way that we can repeat something. Life does not repeat itself. Every time we sit, it's a completely new experience. Every time we bow, it's a completely new experience. Every time we work, it's a completely new experience.

[12:39]

If we have an old idea, our old idea about sitting, bowing, working, eating, and cling to that in a way that separates ourself from our activity, then we can never quite see the point of what's going on. We never understand why we do things in a certain way. Our usual kind of activity is to acquire something. If we do something, we want to acquire something or benefit in some way. What's the benefit of that? What's in it for me? This statement, what's in it for me? That kind of question is dualistic. It's not a fundamental question. That's a question that comes from

[13:41]

the surface of our mind. So the purpose of our practice has a different meaning from our usual activity. The purpose of practice is how to commune with the pillar, how to be at one with ourself. And nothing else really matters that much. how to understand ourself as the whole universe, not just intellectually, not just as an idea, but how to actually merge. Suzuki Ueshi used to call it resuming our true nature, coming back to ourself. The more we practice, the less we get, which is the opposite of our usual life.

[14:50]

Our usual life, and kind of striving, is the harder we work, the more we get. That's our usual understanding of life. But in leading a life of Dharma, the harder we work, the more effort we use, the less we get, the more we get rid of. So it's kind of the opposite, until you can stand up completely free. purpose of practice is to see everything as it really is. To see our life as it really is. And to live according to that.

[15:56]

And according to Buddhism, Our life is a life of one huge being, which expresses itself in many different forms and ways. It's nice to be able to come to a place where you can relax, sit as I was in relax, When you begin practice, it's necessary to stretch yourself completely to your limit. At some point in your practice, you have to put enough effort into what you're doing to stretch you completely to past your limit, past what you feel is your limit.

[17:21]

You may think, well, I can do something. But then you get stretched beyond that. And then you feel your total self. Then you can be, the only way you can do that is to completely merge with your activity and become yourself totally. Sashin gives us that opportunity. If you really practice wholeheartedly during Sushi, you become stretched completely, so that your whole body and mind is fully functioning to its utmost. Zen practice is not always extreme.

[18:27]

It alternates between extreme and casual. Sometimes very casual, but sometimes very extreme. And you have to be willing to put yourself in a position to practice at the extreme limit of your ability. Otherwise, you can't really find yourself. So, what you acquire from that kind of activity is just yourself. You don't get anything else. When Dogen Zenji went to China to study, to look for the true Dharma, when he came back, they said, well, what did you find?

[19:29]

What did you come back with? He said, I didn't bring anything back with me, except that understanding that my nose goes this way, my eyes go this way. So my talk is always to encourage you, to encourage your practice. Last night I gave a talk at the GTU up on the hill, which is quite nice. I enjoyed that. But I wondered, what can I say? Because whenever I talk, it's always just to encourage people to practice. So I talked about my life with Suzuki Roshi and the way I practiced with him and so forth.

[20:41]

And so it was quite nice. And when I think about that, I always feel so really grateful for the practice that he gave me. allowing me to let go of myself so that I could stand up by myself. So that I could find my way by myself. And grateful for the fact that he didn't teach me anything. He always let me find out for myself. I remember the first time I came to sit, nobody told me what to do, particularly.

[21:45]

And I didn't have Zazen instruction that first time. I came in, I sat down, and somebody came behind me and adjusted my posture. And there was just something so wonderful about this. I thought, here I am, all by myself, with nothing. You know, nothing else. It's just me and this wall. This cushion. Remarkable. And on purpose. But what I'm really grateful for actually is the way that he, my teacher, encouraged me to practice really hard. And even though I practiced really hard, I kind of regret that I didn't practice hard enough.

[22:50]

Because, you know, when we enter into practice, we're not really ready. Part of us is ready to practice, and part of us is not. I was really ready to practice, but my karma was really heavy. And so I had a lot of trouble, you know, with really wanting to practice wholeheartedly and being held back by my karma, which the residue of my previous life or my background, you know. My attachments and the baggage that I was carrying around with me had to work itself out little by little. And my teacher understood that and it gave me a lot of space, you know, to work out my residual karma or the baggage and kind of

[23:58]

desire that I had. But I knew very well that I said to myself, this is it. I know this is it. And I'm going to do this. Even though I had really made that determination, still, it was at the same time that I was making that hard practice and determination that a lot of stuff was holding me back. You know, that couldn't completely So the two things were going on at the same time, and that happens with all of us. It's kind of natural. In a Japanese monastery, when you go into the monastery, you leave everything behind, and there's very little room for even dealing with your baggage. That's pretty good, if you can do it. Just leave everything behind. But this other way that we practice, we do two things at the same time.

[25:05]

We enter into practice and yet we have this... Do you remember the movie called... I think it was a Cocteau movie called The Andalusian Dog. I think that's the movie. And in it is this guy carrying seals. or walruses across the room. There's one scene in this movie, it's kind of a surreal movie, he's carrying these walruses, he's going someplace, he's going real, you know, he knows where he's going, but he's got these walruses on a rope that he's dragging across the floor. Anyway. Sometimes our practice is like that, you know, but the effort you know, to practice, even though you have all that baggage, is true effort. You can't wait until you're free, you know.

[26:10]

You can't wait until you're free. You have to do both things at the same time. And your effort will help to purify your activity, if you really have determination, and strong, really strong determination, and really put your nose to the grindstone, so to speak. Even though you have a lot of stuff, if you steadily practice, you can transform your life. And the baggage you have and the stuff that you have will actually help you. because it will increase your wisdom. If you have a really hard time with a lot of karma, it means you have a lot of passion, you know, and a lot of... If you don't have passion, you can't really practice.

[27:20]

There are people that practice without it, but their practice is very cold. And you can kind of hide within practice, as a cold person. And sometimes Zen practice looks cold. But it's not, actually. It's very passionate practice. That kind of determination and effort and energy is passion directed in a certain way. Sometimes it looks like we should be very cool. We should have cool head and warm feet. That's kind of a saying, Zen saying, have a cool head and warm feet. But what it means is, if you get rid of passion, you get rid of your life, certain kind of life force, light.

[28:29]

But when a passion is balanced and directed, then it becomes a vital force, vital activity. So our activity has to have that vitality. So it means directing our desire in the correct way, so that it's the right effort And then that lights up your practice, lights up your life. It's called enlightenment. And that combination of passion and practice transforms itself into wisdom.

[29:33]

I remember one time I was feeling real sorry for myself and I went to Suzuki Roshi and I said, you know, I'm really not such a good person. Do you think I can still be a priest? And he said, well, if you didn't have this kind of problem, you wouldn't be able to help people. You wouldn't be able to sympathize with their problems. If you were just kind of a saint or something like that, you couldn't really be a teacher because you wouldn't understand people's problems so well. I don't know if he's right or wrong, but it feels right to me. So, I remember Suzuki Roshi, if you read Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, he says, you should give your cow a wide field to roam in.

[30:58]

If you want to control your cow or your horse, you should give them a wide field. otherwise, and not try to control, but just watch. If you ignore your horse or your cow, then that's not right. You should watch and observe, and when the right time is, to help, to do something. But if you try to control, always trying to manipulate, That won't work. So give your cow a wide field. That's true. If you stick to that, though, it's not true. If you become attached to that, it's not true. The other side is, sometimes you have to put your cow in the corral. Sometimes you have to put your cow in the barn. So if you want to get milk from the cow, you have to put the cow in the barn.

[32:05]

And if you want to train the horse, you have to put him in the corral. So they're different ways, you know. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the barn or the corral. Sometimes you give a wide field and just watch. Both are necessary. So our practice is sometimes very tight in the corral, sometimes very loose out in the field, just wandering, looking for grass to chew. But in the corral, our activity is very tight and not so much like the activity in the field.

[33:12]

And in the corral, our activity is very concentrated and we have the opportunity to see ourself completely because of our restriction, of our restricted activity. We can find our true freedom. And then we can express it in the field. But knowing how to commune with the pillar, that's our practice. Either way, whether we're in a tight situation or a big field, how to commune with the pillar is how the old Buddha communes with the pillar is our practice.

[34:21]

If you have a question you would like to discuss, please. That's a good question. That's exactly what Dogen went to China to find out. That was his question. He said, if we all have buddha nature, if everything is buddha nature, why do we have to do something? Why do we have to practice? Why do you have to sit sadhana or anything, if it's already there? Well, even though it's already there, if you don't do something, it doesn't manifest as something. Even though electricity is everywhere, if you don't induce it, you can't use it.

[35:45]

It's really all around us. But we have to channel it somehow so that we can use it. Once you find out how to use it, then you can use it. And everything will be opened up to you. Even though everything is buddhanature in a non-dual. Even though everything is yourself, how do you manifest that? So even though we're born as human beings with the ability to be true human beings, it doesn't necessarily mean that we'll turn out to be human beings. We may be animals, Fighting demons?

[36:56]

Or hungry ghosts? What world do we live in? We may think we live in the human world, but do we really know what a human being is, even though we're born as human beings? If we look around us, you may wonder, actually. So even though we look like human beings, the human race looks like human beings, we're evolving into human beings. We're just evolving into human beings. So theory of evolution, I think, is correct. We started out in something and we're evolving into human beings, slowly, very slowly. And at the same time we are human beings. We are human beings evolving into human beings. But very few of us have become human beings.

[38:04]

Even though we all really are human beings. Each one of us is Buddha. But we don't realize that we're Buddha. We haven't become the Buddha that we are. So Buddha means fully evolved human being. What is the right amount of suffering? What is surplus suffering?

[39:14]

What's extra? What's extra and what's just the right amount? Well, if you try to measure it, you can't measure it because it's infinite. But the main thing is to find out what's the cause of suffering. What is the cause of suffering? That's what Buddhism is about. Why is it that way? How does it happen? The main thing, to find out. And in Buddhism, it says that Buddhism is a way to eliminate suffering, but it doesn't mean to get rid of suffering. You never get rid of suffering. That means, what is it, and how do you deal with suffering?

[40:20]

How do you accept it? How do you, because this life, you know, in this life, that's the main condition, and you can't get rid of it. in the dualistic sense. But you can get rid of it in the non-dualistic sense. When you bow to the pillar. The pillar is equal to your girlfriend. When you bow to your bowl of food, the bowl of food is equal to King of England. Everything is equal. So, you may say, well, I'll bow to people, but I won't bow to objects. Well, everything is equal. Everything. When you say, I have a lot of joy, that's equal to suffering.

[41:21]

If you say, I have a lot of suffering, that's equal to joy. Everything is equal. On the one hand, On the other hand, suffering is suffering and joy is joy. But until we see the equality, you can't stop your suffering. for being so close and then... Well, it's a good point, because what you hear, you know, can be various things.

[43:06]

And your compassion responds to what you hear. But yet, the suffering, it belongs to the child. And if you listen even further, you know, if your hearing goes in circles further and further out, you would hear even more, you know, if your consciousness went into all the houses on the block, and then the next block, and then ad infinitum, you wouldn't be able to, you know, you'd really explode if you actually were aware of all the suffering that's actually going on all the time. But there's not much you can do. I mean, what can you do about it? I felt that just the being here was it.

[44:08]

Just being here. Sitting here, being close to it, but also not wishing that it wasn't. Just holding it. Just holding it. Just letting it go. So actually what we're doing is sitting with all that suffering in the world. You know, while everybody's suffering, we're also doing something with all the suffering that's going on in the world. And we shouldn't forget that. So in a sense, you know, sadhana is not just to enjoy yourself while other people are suffering, to escape in some way.

[45:09]

There should be some work. Malcolm? Shit. What happens after ouch?

[46:38]

I don't know. That's a good question. What happens after ouch? What do you do after ouch? Anyway, even, you know, I think that if we remember to treat everybody as Buddha, we'll have some way of knowing what to do. So, please don't be discouraged in your practice. No matter how difficult it is, sometimes we can't practice. Sometimes our life is so complicated that we can't practice.

[47:40]

But if you can manage to practice even a little bit, and really with some good determination, that your practice will be very meaningful. So I just want to encourage you to allow yourself that space to practice.

[48:17]

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