Well, rainy day is a good day to get together and sit saza. Also, Sunday is a good day to talk about zazen. Saturday is many people come for lecture. So, harder to talk about just zazen. sitting. So I do want to bring our attention to sitting and talk about zazen. So I want to talk about some aspects of zazen and then if you have any questions to address your questions.

[01:23]

about Zazen. So one thing I want to mention, when we give Zazen instruction or talk about posture and how we hold our body and so forth in Zazen, I always talk about the most ideal aspect. I always talk about it from the point of view of the ideal way to sit. But each one of us has some little idiosyncrasy or some difficulty in sitting in the ideal way that I described.

[02:26]

and some of us don't even have all of the parts to do that with. So, each one of us has to adjust ourselves according to how we actually are, who we are, and what our body-mind situation is. So, If I say to arch your back, to push the lower back forward when you sit, this is ideal way to sit Zazen. But some people may not be able to do that. So if you can't sit Zazen, if you can't push your lower back forward when you sit Zazen, then just sit with your back straight or without doing that. If you can't do that, So, whatever it is that is presented, you have to find your own position, your own relationship to that and adjust yourself accordingly.

[03:49]

But I always talk from the point of view of ideal way to sit. And if you do have some difficulty with that, then we should discuss what the best alternative is to sitting that way. So everyone can sit, even if you can only lie down. In San Francisco, there are people who sit by lying down. So when I do speak in this way, don't think that you have to do something that you can't do.

[04:59]

The main thing when we sit is that every part of our body participates, and each part of our body participates independently. By independently I mean, our tendency is to think of ourselves as one piece of our bodies, as one piece. But actually, our body is many different parts harmonizing with each other. And in Zazen, we bring all the parts of our body together in harmony around a center.

[06:05]

So the main thing is always to know where our center is. And in Zazen, in Hinduism, there are many different chakras. But for our purpose, We only talk about this chakra, this center, just below the navel, as the center. And so we make an effort to center around that part of our body. All the limbs of our body, all the parts of our body, center around this part of our body, around this center. So, and when you sit, You can think of yourself actually as like a tree. The legs are rooted, are the roots, and the body is the trunk.

[07:10]

And a tree is made of many... When we point to a tree, we say, that's a tree. But the tree is made of many parts, both inside and on the surface. many branches and leaves and skin and sap and so forth. So we could say that the tree is the sum of all the parts. A tree has a personality, or a tree-ality. A tree has a tree-ality. But when you take it all apart, and separate all the parts and get down to the heart of it, there is a heart in the tree.

[08:22]

There's really nothing there. So it's something and it's nothing. It's many parts, many elements drawn together and around the center. So in order to maintain integrity, all the parts have to harmonize with each other. So in zazen, in order to maintain integrity, our effort is to create a condition in which all the parts harmonize around a center. So that's what we do all day, is harmonize all these parts around a center.

[09:33]

both the body and the mind. And so, body is not separate from mind, although we talk about body, we talk about mind. We can talk about them separately, but they don't exist separately. They're two elements of one person. So by, we say the mind follows, when the mind directs, the body follows, which is true. But when the body performs, the mind also follows. So body influences mind and mind influences body. And sometimes mind-body follows mind.

[10:37]

Sometimes mind follows body. And when there's perfect harmony, there's no following or leading. Or they're both following and leading. But it's important to practice with all of the parts as individual parts so that our mudra, when we concentrate on the mudra, there's just the mudra practicing independently. And when we concentrate on posture of the spine, there's just posture of the spine practicing independently.

[11:44]

And when we focus on our head, there's just head practicing independently. So each joint of our body and each part of our body is practicing zazen independently. in harmony with all the other parts. And this is the same way that we practice with everything in the world, because everything in the world is just parts, in the same way that our body and mind are just parts. So in this way we can identify with everything in the world, Because our self, the parts of our self and the parts of everything in the world are parts of one whole being. This is the purpose of Zazen.

[12:58]

Dogen says, to study the Buddha way is to study the self. But there is no self. Apart from just parts. To study the Buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget that there is such a thing. To drop the notion of a self. So during Zazen, we pay attention to all the parts of the body and make sure that they're all lined up in some way that we can align ourselves.

[14:10]

Whatever way we can align ourselves, that's how we do it. So if we, when we practice with each part individually, then we can practice without tenseness. If you think that you're all one piece, then you become very tense. And when you're sitting up straight, you think you're a statue. But we're not statues. We're bits and pieces of soft flesh. parts do their thing as they want.

[15:32]

And this posture is what allows that to happen. So the more we let go of I am, the more soft we become, the more soft and flexible we become. The more we hang on to I am, the more tense and hard we become. So, to hold correct posture, And at the same time, let go of I am, we find ourselves. So, painful legs sits us in.

[16:48]

Straight back sits Zazen. Mudra is doing its own Zazen. Our toes are doing their own Zazen. Breath is just breathing. Lungs are just breathing. Mind is just following breath. What we call mind is consciousness and attention.

[17:53]

part of mind is spinning out dreams. Let the part of mind that's spinning out dreams spin out dreams. And just pay attention to harmonizing body and mind. There's a koan about Daitsu Chisho Buddha. who sat for 10,000 kalpas. But even though he sat for 10,000 kalpas, he didn't attain Buddhahood. And the monk asked his teacher, what about this Daitsu Jisho Buddha? How could he sit for 10,000 kalpas and not become Buddha? And his teacher said,

[19:03]

Daitsu Jisho, a Buddha, sat for 10,000 kalpas, but he could not become a Buddha because he was a non-attained Buddha. In other words, you can't attain something that you're not. You can only attain yourself. So, we don't sit zazen to attain something other than ourself. We sit zazen to become ourself, even though there is no self. Who are we?

[20:05]

We're no-self and yet we are a self. Who is this self that's no-self? And who is this no-self that's a self? harmonizing all the parts of our body and mind, then we become ourself, thoroughly. So, there should be some effort, and there should be some letting go at the same time. And at the same time, let go.

[21:16]

Moment by moment. Do you have any questions? Well, like this. If someone pushes your elbow, only your elbow moves. But if you're stuck together, and if someone pushes your elbow, If someone pushes the elbow of a statue, the whole statue will fall over.

[22:26]

So this is called stability. A statue looks stable, but if you push the elbow of the statue, the whole statue will fall over. So that's not stability. Grass is stable. Because no matter how hard the wind blows, the grass just bends over. So grass is rooted all the way through the earth, but it bends in the wind. So this is what I mean by not being stuck together, and also stability. Don't be stiff. You know, when I go to adjust your posture, most people are either resistant or very stiff.

[23:31]

And sometimes people flex their muscles. Don't laugh. I would say 80% are flexing some muscles. So to have the right frame, and yet it's all, it's not glued together, it's not solid. And the more unsolid we are, the more stable we are. And the more flexible we are. So we tend to think of something very solid as being real. The more solid it is, the more real. But that's not necessarily the case. The mind spins dreams, and what do we do while that's happening?

[24:46]

Yeah, the mind spins dreams, and what do we do while that's happening? Let go of the dream. Wake up. Sazen is the practice of waking up. So a dream comes and then we realize it's a dream. And then we wake up and then we bring attention back to posture and breathing. And then the mind spins another dream. And then we realize we're dreaming. So we let go of the dream and bring the attention back to the posture and the breath. 10,000 million times in a day. Sometimes the body sensation seems to obviate the letting go of the dream. The body sensation may stay, let's say, with anxiety

[25:51]

Yes, that is the dream, it's causing it. Yeah, of course. This is called the tape, sometimes, you know, when a dream keeps recurring. That's like an obsessive dream, something keeps coming back. Yeah, well, we all have some obsession in our life, you know, at one time or another. And when we come into the zendo, we come in with our obsession, which is in the back of our mind. And then when we sit down, it comes to the forefront. And so the mind is spinning out the same dream over and over. And sometimes it's a little obsession, sometimes it's a big obsession. And same thing. You may think, well, I can't let go of the obsession in my mind. The dream just keeps recurring. It's okay.

[27:00]

Just pay attention to the posture. We tend to think, you know, that we're sitting with the mind on top of a body. But actually, the body itself is sitting zazen. The part of the mind that's called the body is sitting zazen. So even if the whole mind is not sitting zazen, the part of the mind that's called the body is sitting zazen. So we tend to not pay so much attention. We don't think that that's necessarily so complete, but just let the body sit zazen, even if the mind can't. So even when the mind is obsessing, but the body is sitting, it still zazen. And the body can sit even though it has sensations of discomfort?

[28:08]

Oh, the body is continually sitting with sensations of discomfort. But discomfort is just a condition of the mind. We say, discomfort, we say, suffering. But harmonizing body and mind in the midst of suffering is to be free from suffering. There are times when there is no obsession, times in Zazen where there may be no pain in your legs, There are times, there are moments when there's no thoughts coming up, but that's quite rare. We're always sitting, finding release in the midst of the problem.

[29:16]

We could make an effort to eliminate all the problems and that's it. But that's not realistic, because even if we do that, there's still a problem. The bottom of the well of no problem is a big problem. So the point is to find ourself in the midst of pain, in the midst of obsession, in the midst of confusion. to find release right there. To find release from pain and painful legs, in the midst of painful legs. That's why we don't move. If you move, then you can't do that.

[30:19]

It's okay to move. It's okay to move. But if you move, then you can't find it. You can't find the release in the midst of the pain, because you've eliminated the conditions. We say that we should forget, that we forget ourselves, and that we find ourselves. It's real insistent? Yeah. It is. So, if your self is real insistent, then bring it right there in front. Okay? Don't try to get rid of it. Take that self that's real insistent and say, here it is.

[31:26]

Okay? And just lay it down there and sit Zazen with it. See what happens. How can we differentiate between Being, actually being in the center and being in like an idea of the center. A concept or a visualization of what we think is the center. Well... It's good to have the idea. And the idea will take you to that place. They're not necessarily two different things.

[32:28]

Sometimes it seems that... I don't know. Sometimes it just seems very... I can't describe it. Sometimes it seems like I have an idea that I'm there, but I guess I'm just not sure. Well, you're there. You're there. You know, it's like a top spinning. A spinning top is a good example. We use it a lot. When the top is spinning, it's just standing on this little point. But it doesn't look like it's spinning.

[33:31]

It just looks like it's standing still. But it's perfectly centered. And it looks like it's standing still. It doesn't look like it's going anywhere. It's turning, even. But when it starts to lose its equilibrium, then it becomes more and more eccentric. And then you see it moving. And you say, oh, the top is moving. and that it is thrown off center and no longer has its balance. So you can tell when you're balanced and centered. It may not look like it, like anything's happening. They overlap, they're also separate.

[34:32]

The thought, the idea... The idea of being centered during emptiness versus the experience of emptiness. I mean, there's an overlapping, but there's a real distinction to it. Between the idea... And the experience, yeah. Well, she didn't say emptiness, she just said centered. Or, you know, we're always coming back to being centered. over and over. Because, like the top, we're always losing it, even though we never really lose it. But we become more and more eccentric, and more, actually, in each situation. To actually stay centered continually is not what we do because we find our equilibrium around a center and then we move into a new situation and we lose the balance around what we were doing.

[35:47]

In other words, we're constantly falling out of balance and finding our balance. within that falling out of balance and finding our balance, we're always centering in each situation. So, to have an idea of centering is important. And it's not that an idea is different than actuality, But they're not separate. There has to be one to be the other. I'm sitting in the midst of a battle.

[37:08]

Part of my mind wants to be here, but the part that knows better says, you'd be better off if you went home. The part that knows better? Well, that's what it tells me. Well, just continue to sit in the midst of the battle? Easy to say. Yeah. Harder to do. But if you didn't have something hard to do, what would you do? Grow peas. What are you growing now? I haven't the slightest idea. Growing peas is okay. Peas grow by themselves. Let peas be peas.

[38:12]

And why don't you be you? How can I be me if there is no self? There's a self which is no self. So who's saying today, the self, there is no self or the self? Just stay there. Resistance is very important. The vitality of resistance can be a great asset.

[39:15]

It can be transformed into determination. When you just give up, then it becomes determination. So, right now, you're divided. If you went and did peace, maybe you'd still be divided. But I'd have something in three months. But maybe you'd be just completely doing Ps. So if you completely sit Zazen, the way you'd be completely doing Ps, no problem.

[40:21]

So, you know, we have to drag our divided self with us, which makes it more difficult, but it also is okay. At some point, in Sashin, everybody has a divided self that says, I'd rather be growing peas. but that's just an idea. Anyway, the same idea has been coming up for the last ten years?

[41:43]

At every Sashim? No, no. This is what the surprise is. It hasn't happened for at least four Sashims. I thought it had gone away. Well, some things never go away. They decide. Grace? Yesterday, my 16-year-old neighbor sat on her porch all day. She sat there, and I found out later from my son because she wanted to be in a club, and this was her initiation. And she sat there from morning until night, and they came by and honked their horn at her. And I found myself thinking about how ridiculous this was. And then I set thought about what I was going to do the next day. So I wondered if she was enlightened in delusion.

[42:47]

She was deluded in delusion. Well, initiations are very important. Actually, they're very important. They're a kind of test, a test of sincerity and intention. And so sometimes they look silly. If you want to get into a Zen monastery, you have to sit five days or seven days with no kinning. So it's a kind of initiation. And initiations are also a kind of purification. And they test, you know, each... whatever it is that you're being initiated into as its reason, even though it may not look reasonable from some other point of view.

[44:05]

And sometimes the initiations can be overdone, that too. And there's initiation into this practice. And moment by moment, actually, we test our sincerity and intention as being tested, especially in Sushi. We're being tested. And it's right there in front of us, and we can just see it. We can just see how our mind works, and we can see how our intention is, and we can see what our real intention is underneath the intentions. And we really get a glimpse of what we're made of. Get a good view of what each one of us is made of,

[45:10]

And we have the opportunity to go beyond what we think we are. I thought about her giving up herself to this larger self. That's right. That's right. Giving up her small self to the larger self. being practicing or being the enlightenment. And I think of that as not really trying to be something when I'm sitting. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

[46:18]

Well, this comes from Dogen's understanding that all being is buddhanature rather than beings have Buddha nature. All being is Buddha nature. So if all being is Buddha nature, then the question comes up, if that's so, why do we have to do anything in order to realize it? Why don't we just realize it if that's what we are? But the problem is that unless we activate ourself, it doesn't manifest as Buddha nature, or it doesn't manifest as realization, unless we do something. It's like the circuitry is all on the walls, you know, for the lights. But unless you flip the switch, the lights don't go on.

[47:20]

Unless you do something to manifest realization, realization is not there, necessarily. So, Dogen says, practice is simultaneous with realization. inextricably bound up with practice. So a moment of practice is a moment of enlightenment, even though you may not realize it. You may or may not. Because it doesn't look like what your idea of it is. That's different than the idea of centering.

[48:30]

The idea of enlightenment is different than the idea of centering. Centering is just an activity, whereas enlightenment is a state. So our idea about what enlightenment is doesn't match what enlightenment is. But our idea of centering is not so difficult. Yeah, because there was nothing to attain. You can't become Buddha twice. You don't get charged for the same crimes twice.

[49:28]

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