Today is the last day of our seven-day Sashin, and also the day that we remember Suzuki Roshi, his tenth anniversary of his passing away. So this lecture, although we don't have so much time, I want to read a lecture of Suzuki Roshi's, but I want to talk a little bit about the ceremony this evening. This evening we'll have a memorial ceremony, memorial service, and to end Sashin. And during the service, we can all offer incense to Suzuki Roshi. And at that time, after you offer incense, if you want to, you can say something to Suzuki Roshi.

[01:08]

Just address him. It may seem funny to you to address somebody that we think isn't there. To talk to the wall or talk to a picture or something. But you can do it if you want to. That's the way, you know, we have that intimate association with Suzuki Goshi or with somebody. Whether you see them or don't see them or whether they're manifested whether they're a ghost or dead or alive, is not the point. You can just speak directly. So when we have a memorial service, if you want to address Suzuki Roshi, feel free to do so.

[02:28]

This particular, this is an excerpt from a lecture that Suzuki Roshi gave in 1966. And when we opened the Zendo on Dwight Way in 1967, I hung it on the wall. And it was there for quite a long time. Somehow, it seemed like a very important lecture. It spoke about our practice in some way I felt was very essential for both beginners and advanced students. So I want to read this lecture. He gave this lecture in Los Altos.

[03:34]

Maybe, I think part of this lecture may have appeared in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind. I can't remember, but maybe so. He says, In our scriptures, Samyuktagama Sutra, Volume 33, it is said that there are four kinds of horses. Excellent ones, good ones, poor ones, and bad ones. The best horse will run slow and fast, right and left at the driver's will, before it sees the shadow of the whip. Even before it sees the shadow of the whip, it knows what to do. The second dust will run as well as the first one does, just before the whip reaches his skin. The third one will know how to run when it feels pain on its body.

[04:45]

The fourth one will run after the pain penetrates to the marrow of his bones. You can imagine how hard it is for the fourth one to know how to run. Which one are you? When we hear this story, almost everyone wants to be the best horse. Even if it is impossible to be the best one, we want to be the second best. This is, I think, the usual understanding of this story and of Zen. You may think that when you sit in Zazen, you will find out whether you are one of the best horses or one of the worst ones. Here, however, there is a misunderstanding of Zen. If you think the aim of Zen practice is to train you to become one of the best horses, you will have a big problem. This is not the right understanding of Zen. Actually, if you practice Zen in the right way, it does not matter whether you are the best horse or the worst one.

[05:55]

That is not the point. When you consider the mercy of Buddha, how do you think Buddha will feel about the four kinds of horses? He will have more sympathy for the worst one than for the best one. When you are determined to practice Zazen with the great mind of Buddha, you will find the worst horse is the most valuable one. In your very imperfections you will find the basis for your firm way-seeking mind. Those who can sit perfectly physically usually take more time to obtain the marrow of Zen or the true way of Zen, the actual feeling of Zen. But those who find great difficulties in practicing Zen will find more meaning in it So I think that sometimes the best horse may be the worst horse, and the worst horse can be the best one. If you study calligraphy, you will find that those who are not so clever usually become the best calligraphers.

[07:04]

Those who are very clever with their hands encounter great difficulty after they have reached a certain stage. This is also true in art and in Zen. So when we talk about Zen, we cannot say he is good or he is bad in the ordinary sense of the words. The posture taken in Zazen is not the same for each of us. For some, it may be impossible to take the cross-legged posture. But even though you cannot take the right posture, when you arouse your real way-seeking mind, you can practice Zen in its true sense. And actually it is easier for those who have difficulties in sitting to arouse the true way-seeking mind than for those who can sit easily. When we reflect on what we are doing in our everyday life, we are always ashamed of ourselves. One of my students wrote to me saying, you sent me a calendar and I'm trying to follow the good mottos which appear on each page. But the year was hardly begun and already I have failed.

[08:09]

Dogen Zenji said, Sho shaku ju shaku. Shaku generally means mistake or wrong. Sho shaku ju shaku means to succeed wrong with wrong, or one continuous mistake. According to Dogen, one continuous mistake could also be Zen. A Zen master's life could be said to be so many years of sho shaku ju shaku, This means so many years of one single-minded effort. We say, a good father is not a good father. Do you understand? One who thinks he is a good father is not a good father. I better be careful what I say. One who thinks he is a good husband is not a good husband. One who thinks he is one of the worst husbands may be a good one. If he is always trying to be a good husband with a single-hearted effort, if you find it impossible to sit because of some pain or some physical difficulty, then you should sit anyway, using a thick cushion or a chair.

[09:27]

Even though you are the worst horse, you will get the marrow of Zim. Suppose your children are suffering from a hopeless disease. You do not know what to do. You cannot lie in bed. Normally, the most comfortable place for you would be a warm, comfortable bed. But now, because of your mental agony, you cannot rest. You may walk up and down, in and out, but this doesn't help. Actually, the best way to relieve your mental suffering is to sit in zazen, even in such a confused state of mind and bad posture. If you have no experience of sitting under these kinds of difficult conditions, you are not a Zen student. And other activity will not appease your suffering. It is hardly better than lying in bed. In these restless positions, you have no power to accept your difficulties. But in a Zazen posture, which you have acquired by long, hard practice, your mind and body have great power to accept things as they are, whether they are agreeable or disagreeable.

[10:32]

When you feel disagreeable, it is better for you to sit. There is no other way to accept your problem and work on it. Whether you are the best horse or the worst, or whether your posture is good or bad, is out of the question. Everyone can practice zazen and in this way work on his problems and learn to accept them. Suppose you are sitting in the middle of the problems you have now. Which is the more real to you, your problems or you yourself? Your problems may be in your imagination, but that you are here right now is ultimate fact. This is the point you will realize by Zazen practice. In continuous practice, under a succession of agreeable and disagreeable situations, you will realize the marrow of Zen and acquire its true power. This kind of attitude was what allowed Suzuki Roshi to have so many good students and so many people felt they could practice with him.

[12:14]

What he's saying is not that you should take it easy, but even if you don't have any ability, you have your spirit, strong spirit, to do the best that you can. And the most important thing is to do your best. Do the best that you can to actualize yourself. Realize yourself by doing your very best within the limitations of your abilities. Someone who can't sit easily doesn't have the a situation where they have to go beyond themselves.

[13:31]

Sometimes, you know, we say, well, we should have started sitting when we were little kids. You know, so that our knees would be used to being stretched out, and our legs would be used to being crossed. We say, oh, you know, the Japanese, you know, are used to sitting on the floor, and so, and their legs are short. So they can sit easily with their legs crossed. But, you know, us Americans, you know, we have long legs, and we're used to sitting in chairs, and so when we go to sit asazen, it's really hard. But the fact of the matter is, Japanese people have just as much problems sitting zazen as Americans. Doesn't make any difference. Sad fact. Yes. Some people have an easier time crossing their legs than others.

[14:37]

But by and large, almost everybody has a hard time sitting in Zazen. Sometimes we think, well, if we educate our children, you know, to sit cross-legged, by the time they get to be 21, they can sit in Zazen pretty easily. And we think, well, maybe that's doing them a service. But actually, I don't think it necessarily is. to start sitting zazen just cold, just as you are, just as you were brought up. This is proper entry. We shouldn't practice exercises to get ready to prepare ourselves for zazen. Just having some ability, you know, is not zazen, is not our practice.

[15:44]

Our practice is to accept the difficulties which come with, to learn how to work on the difficulties that we have when we practice. So a good teacher is always throwing some difficulty in the way of a student. Sad to say, that's the way it is. We always want to have some breakthrough, or we always want to reach some plateau where practice is going to get easier. But as our practice gets easier, and we do have that kind of breakthrough, and as our practice gets easier, our teacher throws something, some obstacle in front of us. Well, now you're ready for this. Every time I would go to my teacher with some problem, he would always give me another problem. Instead of solving my problem, he'd say, I'm sorry, but it looks like I gave you another problem.

[16:53]

You came to me with this problem, and I'm sorry, but I think I just gave you another problem. But it was intentional. When I was ready for another problem, he gave me another problem. But I didn't know I was ready for another problem. So I'm very grateful for the problems that my teacher gave me. If your teacher gives you some problem, it means that you're really engaged in practice. means your teacher really recognizes that you are practicing. And you should recognize that fact. Mostly we want to have everything cleared up for us. When I get enlightened, everything will be cleared up for me.

[17:56]

That's what we think. I want some practice where everything will be cleared up for me. Finally, you know, understand what life's about, then we'll be cleared up. We want that. If we had koans, you know, maybe we could work on enlightenment and everything would finally be cleared up. I finally saw into it. In our practice, you know, sometimes because we don't emphasize enlightenment, we think that we're not conscious or aware of enlightenment in Buddhism. It's not really so. We're very conscious and very aware and concerned with enlightenment. But we don't use the word enlightenment. We never use the word enlightenment.

[19:00]

When we talk about enlightenment, we talk about enlightenment all the time. We're always talking about it, but you don't hear it. Constantly talking enlightenment, but you don't hear it. What you want to hear is something that, some idea you have. You want to hear echoed the thing that's in your mind. Why doesn't he ever say enlightenment? Constantly talking enlightenment. Our practice is constantly speaking about enlightenment. You don't hear it.

[20:03]

If I said enlightenment, you wouldn't hear it. So instead of saying enlightenment, we say practice. We say ear practice. In our practice, in our effort, in our strong spirit, in our sincerity, in our attention to details, in our compassion.

[21:24]

In This practice, we really must become, you have to get all the way down to being a baby. When you're a baby, when you act like a baby, when you can get down to being a baby, it means, I know nothing, bah bah, wah wah. You know, the hokyo is amai. the jeweled mirror of Samadhi, Toza, in the middle of that poem, he said, ba ba wa wa, just like baby, just ba ba wa, doesn't mean anything, ba ba wa wa, until you can get down to there,

[22:39]

You're always rejected. Your teacher doesn't recognize you until you get to that point. You always have trouble with your teacher until you get to that point. As long as you know something, it's unacceptable. In the Soto Zen, in our lineage, in the Dharma Transmission Ceremony, there is one part called Baby Crawl, where you have to crawl like a baby. But you already have to be able to do that before you have the sermon.

[23:49]

When you can do that, people say, I want to do this, I want to do that. Until you can do that, no one will let you do anything. When you can actually do that, then everything is yours. But if you want something before that time, it's just ego, just desire. Just everything takes place in the realm of desire. So a teacher doesn't recognize a student whose activity is just in the realm of desire. Answer is always no. No. You have to go back and try again.

[25:19]

You have to go back and try again until you can walk like a baby. So a teacher isn't so concerned about what a student knows, but is much more concerned about what a student doesn't know. I am going to have to stop because I want to continue on schedule.

[26:47]

If we can practice in that way, our practice becomes very meaningful. Otherwise, we're just always searching around for what is it? What are we doing? What's going on? Suzuki Roshi left us with a very profound dharma and we should respect that and try to come up to his level and understanding.

[28:01]

Sigh

[28:29]

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