I vow to face the truths of the Tathagatas' verse. Good morning. Good morning. Last week, last Sunday, I talked about the four bodhisattva vows and in relation to the Four Noble Truths. bodhisattva vow. We just chanted the four bodhisattva vows during our repentance ceremony, our renewal ceremony this morning. Sometimes we say, sentient beings are numberless.

[01:07]

I vow to awaken with them. Sometimes we say, I vow to save them. Either way, it's OK. But I talked about saving last time. Vow, of course, is a response to the first noble truth of Buddha's first sermon, which is life has a tendency toward suffering. Put dogmatically, life is suffering. But life is also pleasure, as well as suffering. And what makes life suffering is because life is pleasure.

[02:09]

Without pleasure, we wouldn't think so much that life was suffering. Suffering is a kind of crude word. Also, the word actually means suffering, but in The context in which we use it, it means not quite right. It means a little bit off, or ill at ease, or diseased, or unsatisfactory, or it never comes out the way I want it to, no matter how hard I try. It never really proves itself to be what I want it to be. So, this is the common condition of our human life, is that, for various reasons, it's a life of dis-ease, anxiety, and so forth, suffering.

[03:32]

So we use the word suffering because it's easy to use, and it covers all the bases. And so there are three kinds of, well there are many kinds of suffering, but basically there's physical suffering, suffering through the body, and then there's suffering through the mind, and through the emotions, mental and emotional suffering. And then there's suffering which is caused by impermanence. Because whenever you grasp something, you can't really hold on to it, because everything is changing.

[04:35]

What we grab for is already different than what we thought it was when we wanted it. Because the nature of everything is impermanent and changing. the realization of no permanent self for each one of us is also a part of this impermanence. So these three, body, mind, and consciousness, Emotion and impermanence are constantly causing suffering for all people. So the Bodhisattva vow is to save all beings from suffering and confusion.

[05:42]

and ignorance. And there are various ways that we go about trying to help others. But it's very hard to help others. We can sometimes help others physically. That's maybe the easiest. And to help others, and ourselves included, mentally and emotionally is more difficult. But we try. To help others existentially, from the point of view of impermanence, that's very difficult. Because each one of us has to find our salvation ourselves. Even though we can help each other, it's up to each one of us to find out who we are and what we're doing here and what it means.

[06:57]

I don't say to find the meaning of life. The meaning of life, of course, is in how we live it. But who is this? What's going on here in this world? What is it really? What is the reality behind the surface of things? So in Buddhism, we talk about middle way. The path is like the middle way, but in Buddhist dharma, there are two middle ways. The middle way that we usually think about is the mean between two extremes, which applies to both, actually. But we usually think of it in terms of, don't eat too much, don't eat too little.

[08:06]

Don't work too much, don't work too little. This kind of middle way. If you stay in between extremes, then your life will be much more balanced and easy, which is true. If we actually followed middle way between extremes, our life would be much easier for us. We'd live longer. We wouldn't get so sick. We'd be mentally more balanced. we wouldn't crave so much. Craving being the main cause of suffering, according to the Second Noble Truth. This is where we all get stuck. We get stuck in our craving and desire.

[09:08]

Once we begin to enjoy something, Then, of course, the enjoyment wanes, and then we have another impulse to return to it. And if we find it, then it wanes again. Then we have another impulse, and the more we keep following the course of desire for something, the stronger the impulses get. So we better be sure what it is that we're asking for because often we end up with complete frustration. So the problem of how to find our freedom

[10:12]

within desire is a big problem. But the other side of the other kind of middle way is the middle way between existence and non-existence. The middle way between birth and death. But existence and non-existence is a good way to express it, because in our arrogance, we think, I exist. We take this for granted, actually. We say, I exist. But that's only half true. That's kind of half truth. The other half of the truth is, I don't exist.

[11:14]

There is no me. But we don't usually think in that way. We think, when I die, there won't be any me. Now I'm alive, and when I die, I will no longer exist. So on the surface it looks like now I exist, and when I die I won't exist. But this is just a kind of dualistic way of fooling ourself. Yes, I exist, and no, I don't exist. And no, I don't exist, and yes, I do exist. And if you try to fall into one side or the other, you end up with frustration. So, human beings are very frustrated because of this existential ignorance.

[12:24]

So because we think I exist, we try to make everything work for us. We become attached to fulfillment. And the third precept is translated in various ways, expressed in various ways. One way to express the third precept is don't abuse sexuality. But another way to express it is, don't be attached to fulfillment. We become very attached to fulfillment, not just with sex, but with

[13:37]

everything in our lives. It's not that we shouldn't seek fulfillment, but whatever we seek, we get caught by. Because as soon as we become fulfilled by something, then we have to seek for something else. You can't really hold on to fulfillment. So we're continually looking for some kind of fulfillment, ways to fill us up so that we feel full. And then when we feel empty, we go looking for something to eat again. The human condition. And if we don't have it, then we take it from somebody else. Buddha called it the law of the fishes.

[14:40]

The little bit bigger fish eats the smaller fish. And then the fish that's bigger than that eats that fish. The fish that's bigger than that eats that fish. Sometimes you see cartoons. You see all these little big fish and little fish. They all have their mouth open chasing each other. That little fish has to really go fast. So we're always trying to get out of the way, but looking for something to eat at the same time. So life is a process. It's not fixed. There's nothing fixed about our life. It's just this process. Half alive and half dead. But within this life, there's death. And within this death, there's life. We just happen to call it life at this point.

[15:44]

But we could just as easily call it death. Because both sides are present at the same time. So to understand this is called wisdom, but wisdom is not enough. When we have this wisdom, we can understand something about life as it really is. But if we only understand it that way, then it gives us a license to do whatever we want.

[16:50]

So a lot of times there's some understanding by brutal people who understand a little bit about existence, but they don't have compassion. So the other side of wisdom is compassion, which means understanding our connection with all other beings. And this is sometimes very difficult. You may feel that it's difficult to have wisdom, but it's just as difficult to understand compassion and have compassion. We can have compassion when we're very comfortable. It's real easy when you're comfortable to have compassion.

[17:55]

It's easy to go down the street and give people a dollar or a quarter when their hand is out. But if that's your last quarter, you feel very differently about handing it out. And then when everyone gets in the same place where they have nothing, It's not a very pleasant place to be. But right at that point, you see, who has compassion? Who understands compassion and who doesn't? And who has understanding and who doesn't? So when it comes to saving sentient beings, which is what I was talking about last time, how do we save sentient beings?

[19:04]

Helping people is very important. Helping others and helping ourselves is the expression of wisdom because it's compassion. Compassion is how wisdom becomes expressed. No matter how much wisdom you have, it's called dry wisdom unless it's expressed as compassion. So we can help people physically and we can help people emotionally and mentally. But it's difficult to help people with the problem of existence and non-existence.

[20:09]

Because the world is run on desire. As a matter of fact, desire is another name for the world in Buddhism. Desire or craving is a synonym for the world. So when we say, how to escape from the world, it doesn't mean to go to Mars. It means how to find some freedom from craving, because craving is our hand reaching out, grabbing, and then whatever we grab, we're attached to. We think, I have this, but actually, this that I'm grabbing has me, just as much as I have it. So, without

[21:18]

withdrawing ourself from the world, which some early Buddhists, and some later Buddhists, felt was the way to get out of suffering. People realized that you can't get out of suffering by retreating. But, so the problem boils down to how do you let go and still engage with the world without attachment? Not detachment. Detachment is like separating yourself. is engaged with some things, to also be free of that engagement.

[22:35]

And this is what we learn in Zazen. To be completely engaged, totally, and at the same time, to find perfect freedom within that total engagement. Even though there's pain, there's no attachment to pain. Even though there's emotions and feelings, there's no attachment to emotions and feelings. Even though there are thought patterns, there's no attachment to thought patterns. Everything comes and goes. It comes as it comes and goes as it goes. And there's awareness, and what needs to be taken care of, gets taken care of. But there's no grasping, and there's no pushing away.

[23:42]

So when we engage with something, we also can disengage with something. Suzuki Roshi always used to say, don't get caught by anything. So then we become more careful of what we become engaged with. And if your non-attachment is very refined, you can engage with almost anything. You can go anywhere and participate in all kinds of things. And at the same time, you have your freedom. But you have to practice this freedom Sometimes people say, well, why don't we just have it?

[24:57]

We do. But it's covered up by our desire. We all have perfect freedom. Right now. Always. But it's covered up by desire. As soon as our craving or desire or insecurity is dropped. There's no one to be attached to anything. That's very simplistic, I'll admit. But we have it in us. It's already our endowment to be free. So, to help others, we do our own practice.

[26:01]

And when we do our own practice, even though you may not see immediately how that helps others, eventually you realize that By performing your own practice sincerely, it helps all beings. And when you help all beings, without thinking about yourself, you become enlightened without realizing it. So for a Zen student, it's good to help others physically and mentally and emotionally.

[27:16]

But most important is how to Find your own freedom between existence and non-existence. Not grasping onto existence and not pushing away non-existence. Just living middle way. So although we want things to be definite, we're always looking for a definition. And there is a kind of definition.

[28:21]

There's defining this moment. And we try to define the past. After this moment, this moment of now, and this moment seems to become the past, And then we try to define the past, but we can't even do that. We can't really define the past. And of course we can't define the present because there is no such thing. The future is just an idea that we have. Like, I know that tomorrow I'll have breakfast. But actually there is no such thing as tomorrow. Tomorrow is just an idea we have about the present at another time. So, we want things to be defined and understandable.

[29:39]

And in that pursuit of wanting to make things defined and understandable, we create all kinds of fictions for ourselves. And then when the fictions don't work out, we become very miserable. And we wonder why life is handing us these cards. So, as a Zen student, what we learn is that nothing is fixed and everything is always changing. And even though we make plans, they may not be exactly as we planned them. And that we have to live each moment for itself. although we have to deal with the future, so-called, so-called future.

[30:46]

The future relies on what we do in the present. This present moment, just taking care of this present moment, and with some thought to the future, and with some thought to the past. But we say, where am I going? This question is very much a question of existence and non-existence. Sometimes we say, where am I going? Oh, I'm going to the grocery store. That's more easy, kind of, because we think there's a grocery So we take everything for granted.

[31:49]

There's a street out there. There's a building here. We just take it for granted. But there is no street out there. And this is not a building. It's okay to realize that this is a building, as long as you realize that it's not a building. It's okay to realize that that's Russell Street, as long as you know that, no, it's not Russell Street. It's just some rubble. that was pressed down by a steamroller. So, we have this problem with Rubble Street. I think it's real.

[32:52]

So, until we can deal with the problem of existence and non-existence and walk the middle way, we can never solve our problems. Because the basis of our problems come from this misunderstanding about life. So if we want to help people, we have to help each other to understand this. Otherwise, we just keep repeating the same old stuff over and over again. We stop one war here, and another war starts over here, or even over here again, over and over again. The war within ourself is expressed as the war over here.

[34:02]

The idea that we can actually get something keeps these conflicts going. There's pleasure in life, but there's also pain. So what is the middle way between pleasure and pain? And what is the middle way between having and not having? This is also the middle way, the middle way between suffering and nirvana. Nirvana is when we can completely grasp, embrace our life as it is, in its true sense. That's nirvana. But I don't like to talk about what is nirvana, because it's too loaded.

[35:17]

And I don't want to explain what can't be explained. But middle way, actually, is nirvana, a true middle way between existence and non-existence. wholly embracing existence and wholly embracing non-existence and realizing they're not two different things. Do you have any questions? But in moments, so there's this thing over time, but in actual moments it seems as though I have choices about whether to do or not to do it.

[37:16]

It's a process of paradox between whether this cycle is real or the moments are real, of choice. Well, they're both real and unreal. But what did you say about choice the other day? when you can make a choice. What's the next thought?

[38:46]

So there's a space between when a feeling comes up and when it becomes a craving. And at that point, you can make a decision as to whether to go this way or express it in some other way. But sometimes we get caught, so caught that we feel compelled to express our feeling as this compulsion. So it's difficult. But if you can be mindful enough when a feeling comes up and allow yourself to say no instead of yes, before it becomes the craving, you can turn it. The possibility is there of turning it, let's put it that way.

[39:53]

No, you don't. It just seems like an imbalance. Maybe it just seems like a no, because you also talked about embracing your life as it is, as Nirvana. So, if you can embrace the feeling, even if it's not so comfortable, and include it rather than have to get rid of it, do something about it, say no. Maybe it is a form of saying yes. Because when you say no to one thing, you're saying yes to something else. Maybe thinking of the But if I can say yes to the feeling, understand the feeling and express it in a positive way, before the craving comes up, I'm not denying, I'm in the yes mode.

[41:27]

Well, that's right, because we're not denying the feeling. You can't deny the feeling that comes up. You know, anger comes up, lust comes up, hunger comes up, whatever. The feeling is there. And then you have the opportunity to look at it and embrace it as a feeling. And that is a kind of energy, but energy that you have can go all kinds of ways. It doesn't have to go through that particular channel, which the impulse is continually wanting it to go. So what we're doing, when you say imbalance, I think you're saying, my impulse is so strong that when I deny the impulse, then I feel off balance. And when can I ever give the impulse some freedom? Well, I think that one way is to find the right context for the impulse.

[42:30]

That's one way. Because often when we have the impulse, we just look for a context, right? But to actually find a context that works takes some patience. Is there a difference between the process we're describing, where we all grasp and desire, and our concept lately of addiction? And why are we all engaged in this? You know, it's like, I've heard that, you know, we feel anxiety because we're alive. But that isn't, it somehow doesn't do it for me. It isn't enough to just, so we're alive and so we feel anxiety, or we suffer. Well, that's underlying. Underlying suffering. There are layers of what our suffering is about.

[43:33]

So, underneath, at a deep level, there's basic uneasiness as, what's going to happen to me? That's basic uneasiness. Then there's other uneasiness as to when we get caught by our feelings, and get caught by our cravings. When you say, what's going to happen to me, being like, am I going to live or die? And what happens then? So that's the kind of, you know, some people don't think about it. Actually, I didn't think about it for a long time. But, you know, we do have feeling and we do have desire. Desire is very important. So, you know, people think that in Buddhism you're supposed to get rid of desire just because it says so. It does say so.

[44:42]

This is very crudely expressed, to get rid of desire. But what it means is, you can't get rid of desire. I keep saying this over and over. It's how you direct desire to a desirable place. In other words, desire is not something you can get rid of. It's something that you can use. Instead of it using you, you have to use it. Otherwise, so basic cause of suffering is that desire is pulling us around like this. It is. That's what you're talking about. Desire is pulling me around. How do I control it so that I am using it instead of it's using me? And we really get caught in that. It's very easy to get caught by desire. And we're not caught by something out there, even though it looks like we're caught by the object.

[45:45]

We're not caught by the object, we're caught by the subject, which is, you know, all we have to do is let go. Because, you know, like there's this beautiful, shiny new car, you know, that is the object of my desire, but I'm not caught by the car. I've caught the car. And I don't have it. And it doesn't have you. And it doesn't have me, no. It doesn't. It's just an object. So everything comes back to here. So what should I direct my desire to that makes sense, so that I won't always be frustrated? That's the question. That's the question that we all... that's the question of intention. You know, intention is what we have to be most concerned with.

[46:47]

Intention means, what is my... what am I driving toward? Where am I going? What is all my energy... what is all my energy directed toward? Then you know how to deal with your feelings. And you know how to deal with your... desire, because desire has a direction. So if you have a desire to practice, that's a good place to put your desire. Because that desire leads to freedom for desire. Desire leads itself. It opens its own pathway with intention. the feelings and the desire and the head, the wisdom, all have to go together. Otherwise we just get, we just attach to all kinds of things and end up suffering. It's hard.

[47:55]

Even though you, even though desire takes you down the right path, it's hard to stay there. It's even hard for me. So where should you direct your desire? Why should you what? Where should you direct your desire? Toward reality. What is reality? If you keep that question, direct your desire toward that question. Isn't that a self-deception? Yes. But it's a good one. So does the learning of Buddhist knowledge lead to self-deception?

[49:02]

Yes. It does lead to self-deception. So what happens? where you begin to understand it. Understand what? You begin to understand what is self-deception. It leads you to understanding what is self-deception. How do you know that? Because then you begin to realize what causes pain and what doesn't. You mean you actually realize or you heard certain teachings and you think you realize? You have to find out yourself. Even though you hear the teaching, you have to find out for yourself. I didn't say that it leads you to read the teaching.

[50:07]

So you mean you actually realize instead of repeat the teaching? Yes. But if you actually realize, would you repeat the teaching? Yes. Why would you? Because your realization confirms the teaching. What if you don't realize and repeat the teaching? Then you should study more. You mean study the teaching? No, you should practice more. You should practice more. Did you ever practice? Practice according to what? Practice zazen. According to what?

[51:13]

According to Zazen. But Zazen itself might be a self-deception. Well, you have to find that out for yourself. But if you decide to practice it, then you won't find out, right? Why not? Because you already decide it's the right way. No. You have to practice before you find out that it's the right way. No, you have to find out for yourself. If you don't... So how am I going to find out if you already have a set of fixed ideas? You should give up all your fixed ideas. Isn't Buddhist teaching a system of fixed ideas? No. Nothing's fixed. Teaching in Buddhism is just a suggestion to give you a direction.

[52:18]

Some people take whatever they want to take. Not everybody, but a lot of people do. You don't have to take it as physically. In order to actually, in order to practice, you have to give up all ideas about it. That's the entrance. Entryway to practice is to give up all ideas Even though people enter practice without giving up all ideas, eventually they have to give them all up.

[53:28]

So the idea is that you will eventually give up all ideas? At least. Is that an idea in itself? Yeah. So why is that we hold on to that idea? What idea are you holding on to? That means that we will eventually give up all ideas. You don't have to hold on to it. But we seem to be holding on to it. Who is we? Or we wouldn't keep up this practice. Oh, keep up this practice? If we don't have this ultimate goal of freeing ourselves and so on and so on, how would we keep up like this?

[54:40]

Well, you know, by giving up all your ideas doesn't mean that you don't have a thought in your mind. It just means you give up your opinions. that we will eventually get somewhere. Is that an opinion? Yes, you eventually get somewhere. What? You eventually get somewhere. Is that an opinion or actual opinion? No, it's actual. So why is that not an opinion? You didn't ask me where we get to. But the idea that I will get somewhere I didn't say that you eventually get somewhere. I didn't say that you eventually get somewhere. I said you get somewhere.

[55:43]

I didn't say you eventually get somewhere. But what is the purpose of practice? To get to where you are. So isn't that an idea? Why not? What's wrong with an idea? Or is it actuality? What's the difference between an idea and an actuality? So the idea means the future, right? No. I didn't ever say the future. Then what's the purpose of practice? To be where you are. In the future. You can't be in the future. To be where you are. Where are you now? Where are you now? Think about it.

[57:09]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ