He's lent his talents and skills to us for many years. He's recently moved to New York. He does likewise for the Zanzibar. He's recently moved to New York. Good morning and thank you, Mary. Good morning. It's a great pleasure and an honor to be back in the zendo, the zendo, and to be here on this auspicious day. I had my first story, and everybody here knows that I like stories, is that a few weeks ago when I was planning to come down for the anniversary, I said, huh, I wonder who's talking on Saturday. I'll look on the website. Oh, it's me.

[01:31]

And before I begin, I wanted to introduce my friend and Dharma brother, Shaku Daiko. who's with us today. He is the new head monk at Daishon West in Humboldt County. He has recently returned from 10 years of training, inside training, in Kyoto. And this weekend we're doing a little Zen tour in the Bay Area. So, welcome. Thank you. I want to say, back to what Mary just said about this move and all my life here, that I really, you know, there's like all aspects of life, there's the good news and the bad news, and I sincerely miss you guys. Love my new home. But the transition from this Berkeley life or my Berkeley life was, last year, challenging.

[02:40]

It was really, really challenging in many respects, moving away from my work and my household here, Angela. And also, and very, very significantly, my life here in this zendo and practicing with all of you. And this space, and this is hopefully something that will come out in our anniversary celebration beginning today and into this evening, this space is really, really special. I walk in and uh the smells this light that comes in in the morning in the evening uh sitting quietly and listening to Sojin's footsteps coming to the altar uh and just the energy of all of our practicing here for many years uh has a quality and it's very special and it's certainly one of the things that has sustained Berkeley Zen Center through thick and thin for 50 years, or the better part of it.

[03:53]

We are celebrating this 50th anniversary today in this evening. And it's also auspicious because next week we begin the aspects of practice here at Berkeley Center. And I understand that from Alan that the theme of that practice is returning again to our founder, Suzuki Hoshi. So it's a very special day and a lovely one. So, after I'd learned that I was going to give this talk, I contacted Mary, and they had a chat, and also Hudson. I wanted to thank them for, you know, kind of bringing me up to date and suggesting some things that might be worth noting or discussing. So I just wanted to acknowledge their support, and also our practice together. So... there's this continuity of practice, this 50 years of practicing together here.

[05:06]

I want to speak about that briefly and what sustains this and how it's been sustained and how I feel about that, how maybe you may feel about it. And then But on the flip side of that continuity, of that continuity of practice, is the whole topic of conflict, the whole topic of the conflicts that have occurred, even most recently, inside this Sangha, in between people, let alone the broader conflict or the issues of conflict that we face in the broader world. And I just think it's an interesting sort of pull between continuity and the stability of our practice and this almost ever-arising conflict that rises between us, between groups of us, And, you know, what that's about.

[06:14]

And finally I want to talk just a little bit about trying to balance, if you will, those two things. I spent some time on that and I wanted to talk about the whole aspect of practice as a part of that. I went back to Dogen and Zenji and found a quote that I really like, that I want to share with you and then talk about. And we have a lot of time, as you know, for these talks, so I would like to make some remarks about each of these particular topics and then and open it up for the discussion that we normally have, but hopefully focused on these topics. So, starting out with this continuity, it's no small accomplishment, really, to maintain an organization for 50 years of any sort, let alone longer.

[07:21]

So, the first question I have is, how do you do it, Sanjayan? And, I mean, that's a slightly rhetorical question, but the truth is that I think that the answer to that question is pretty obvious. It's you. It really is. And, I mean, your commitment, of course, but that commitment that you've made, that commitment that you've made, of course, has the the positive effect to make everybody else follow suit and practice with you. So, I really think that, in a nutshell, that's it. And, of course, back to the theme, what you've done, Sogen, has brought forth in this past 50 years, the teaching and transmission you receive from Suzuki Roshi.

[08:25]

And so this continuity is really based on that teaching relationship and those relationships that Suzuki Roshi had in Japan going back generations, of course. So, I think that this continuity is really based on that. It's mysterious. I certainly don't understand it, honestly, but it's very, very strong. I feel that very, very strongly. It's the kind of, if you will, the centripetal force, the kind of force, the gravitational force that kind of holds us together and keeps us together and will keep us together. And we come into that sphere as individuals like some comet or something and some of us get caught and some of us fly off.

[09:29]

But hopefully, over time, more get caught than get flying off. But Sojin always says that when those things happen, he's very circumspect, and he says, well, that comet may have flown off, but it's coming back. And so, anyway, I think this idea of continuity and what brings you here, what holds you here, what holds us here together, is a really important topic to think about as a part of our celebration, this Cinquente Anos. You know, at the same time, throughout certainly the history of San Francisco and Berkeley Zen Centers over this past 50 years or near 60 years, Conflict has been a kind of companion. And it's always troubling.

[10:36]

Troubling when you read about it. Troubling when you experience it in other people. And most troubling of all, when you experience it in yourself. When you actually find yourself in conflict with another, for whatever reason. And it's hard because it's hard to understand, well, gosh, aren't we supposed to be nice, mellow Zen students? How is it that we can misbehave? How is it that we can fall into conflict with one another? How is it that we have difficulty resolving these conflicts? What's that about? Again, it's mysterious, but I think it may come down to the fact that we're human. And I guess the question isn't that, that is to say that as humans we're going to have with our separate selves and egos and all that it's conflict is more or less inevitable.

[11:41]

Maybe some people are more prone to it than others, but you know, it happens to us all. And so the question there is, well, how is it that those of us who have chosen this path and sit on our pillows and do all the things that we do in our Zen practice, how is it that we can wind up in such difficult spaces and places? And really those conflicts are the exact opposite of the thing I just spoke about, rather than being centripetal, they're centrifugal. Those are the things that move us apart and cause individuals or even groups to separate, to not support the continuity of the community. And even this year, we've gone through this past year here at BGC, I would argue a pretty rough patch in many ways.

[12:50]

I can't say that, speaking for myself, that I handled it in the best of ways. Honestly, I think I could have done better. And when I reflect on that, I go, what? How did I get caught? How did I get caught? So one of the aspects of this conflict is this notion, and it is a notion, one of those nasty notions, that somehow, well, we're supposed to be free of conflict. Well, gosh, we're Zen students. How come we're getting caught? How is it that John irritates me or whatever? We have this notion that we're supposed to be free of that, and yet we're not, we're not at all. We're very human and very subject to it, and everything that we see happening suggests that this is just part of what we're doing as living and breathing.

[14:02]

And in my conversation with Hosan the other day, I was talking to him about this, and Hosan and I have talked about it before in this past period of time here, and he reminded me of this notion that we derive from Martin Luther King, about the sort of blessed community, and as I understand it, and perhaps Alan can say something more about this, but that this quality of this blessed community is not the avoidance of conflict. not the notion that we are going to, can possibly achieve some kind of perfection, sorry, but rather some process of conflict resolution, some way of finding our way back to whole. as a result of the conflict. And how do we do that? How do we practice that together once the sparks have flown, once the difficulties have arisen?

[15:13]

Clearly, it's probably a good idea to learn from this. But I think that I think the topic here is really not expecting ourselves to be angels and not trashing ourselves when we find out that we're not, but rather, okay, what do we do now? In this moment, what do we do with what just happened, whether I did it or you did it or whatever? And the other interesting thing is that one of the topics that we deal with here and have dealt here with a lot in Berkeley Zen Center is the relationship between our practice here, and the outer world, you know, all the conflict and madness that we experience in the outer world. And I have to say that from my perspective, and I just turned 70 this year, that I used to have this idea of kind of social progress and da-da-da, and I think it's all going to get better sooner or later, and we've done this and we've done that.

[16:23]

And recent events have challenged that presumption, you know, really has challenged that presumption. And how do we relate to that? How do we relate to that? And particularly, how do we relate to that? You know, that is to say, quote unquote, interacting with curing, saving the world, when we can't even manage that task inside the gate. How do we, you know, how do we, how do we do that? You know, what does that, what does that mean? And it's an interesting question. At the beginning, way back, when I was first introduced to Zen practice, which would have been in the 16th century, 1969, 70, 45, 47, whatever years ago, long time ago. I was 22 years old and at that time, that cusp of history, war and civil rights and women's liberation and all these movements were underway that were very inspiring as they hopefully still are to young people.

[17:32]

And I was very caught up with that, like I think the whole generation was. And this is something that I actually had the opportunity to ask Suzuki Ueshi about in my normal, calm way. And he said to me, Well, that's fine to go out and do those things, but if you don't find out who you really are, all those efforts will be to no avail. And with that, I went off and gave it a whirl for 30 years or so. Anyway, so this issue of conflict and how we relate to it, how we try to cure it, heal it, is a big topic for our practice and I think something that we can attend to at the same time that we're

[18:41]

exploring and understanding and feeling what is the foundation and the continuity that's in triplical forces that kind of hold us together. So, What I want to do is, the third thing that I brought up was this topic of, okay, we've got this continuity, we've got this conflict, and amid this, we're practicing, we're practicing. Kind of wanted to, trying to figure out, well, how do I sort of express that relationship in this context? So, as often is the case, when I'm thinking about questions like that, I go to the well. This is What I Find in My Well, a book that Sojin Roshi and Kaz translated years ago, 30 years ago or so.

[19:59]

And I found a quote that I think is instructive and speaks to this next point that I would like to explore. And this is in the fascicle called On Endeavoring the Way. And in this fascicle, Dogen is entertaining questions, and somebody asks him a question about, well, this teaching says that, this teaching says that, and if this teaching says that, and this teaching says this, how could you possibly say what you're saying? Or some kind of probing question like that. Maybe a question like, well, there's conflict between He doesn't say this, of course, but there's conflict between these practitioners, these Rinzai practitioners, and these Zodo practitioners, and blah, blah, blah. And they all have these different ideas, and blah, blah, blah. So why do you recommend what you recommended? His answer is, you should know that in the Buddhist house, we do not discuss the superiority or inferiority of the teachings.

[21:08]

Nor do we concern ourselves with the depth or shallowness of the Dharma, but only, only with the genuineness or falseness of practice. He goes on to say, there are those attracted by grass, flowers, mountains, waters, flow into the Buddha way. And there are those who grasping earth, rocks, sand, pebbles, manifest the Buddha seal. We come at this, we come to this from very different positions and histories and karmas, I think. In fact, although the boundless words of the Buddha overflow among myriad things, the turning of the great Dharma wheel is contained inside a single particle, inside you. In this sense, the words, mind itself is the Buddha, are like the moon reflected on the water. The teaching, sitting itself is becoming Buddha, is like the reflection in a mirror.

[22:15]

Do not be concerned with the splendor of these words. By showing the excellent way of direct transmission by the Buddha ancestors, I am just recommending the practice of intimate, immediate realization of wisdom, hoping that you will become true practitioners of the way. For the transmission of the Buddha Dharma, the teacher should be a person who has merged with realization. Scholars who count letters cannot do it. It would be like the blind leading the blind. Within the gate of the correct transmission of Buddha ancestors, venerate an accomplished artisan. who has attained the way and merged with realization, and entrust him or her with upholding the Buddha Dharma. Because of this, when spirit beings of the visible and invisible realms come to pay homage, or when the arhats who have attained the fruits of realization come to inquire about the Dharma, the master will not fail to give the means to clarify their mind ground.

[23:28]

This is not known in other teachings, so the Buddha's disciples should study only the Buddha's teachings. You should also know that we do not originally lack unsurpassed enlightenment, and we are enriched with it always. But because we cannot accept it, and we tend to create groundless views and get in fights, Regarding these things as actual things, we miss the great way our efforts are fruitless. Because of these views, illusory flowers bloom in various ways. You tend to imagine inexhaustible, the 12-fold causation of rebirth, or the 25 existences, or such views of the three vehicles, the five vehicles, Buddhas existing or not existing, but do not take up these views and regard them as the correct way of practicing Buddhadharma.

[24:42]

Instead, sit zazen wholeheartedly, forming the Buddha seal and letting all things go. then you will go beyond the boundary of delusion and enlightenment, and being apart from the paths of the ordinary and the sacred, immediately wander freely outside ordinary thinking, enriching with the great enlightenment. If you do this, how can those who are concerned with the fish trap or the hunting net of words and letters be compared with you? So I want to come around to speaking about this or opening up a dialogue. This thing is kind of falling off my head.

[25:43]

It's fine. It's good. I don't know about you, but I'm very touched by those words of our ancestor, Dōgen Jinji. You know, there's this topic of affinity that we come at this from different perspectives and histories, you know, and we bring with us, because of that, a whole bunch of different ideas or psychology or wounds and all this stuff. And yet, Somehow, despite all of that baggage we carry with us, we have this affinity, we have this desire. That's why we're here, that's why you're in this room right now. And so we're constantly kind of working with this.

[26:46]

And then there's this notion of of recognizing or understanding that part of that affinity to this practice is the recognition that we're not dealing with letters and words and ideas and the merits of practices and all these sorts of things, interesting as they may be. And then there's the topic of the true teacher, the teachers, Sojin, Susukuro-shi, and all that came before them. But despite all of that, despite all the work that they've done and you may have done, we're still very, very vulnerable to groundless views and confusion. And the question really comes back to, what then? When do you catch?

[27:50]

And then how do you respond? and I hope that I really hope that we as a part of this 50th anniversary recognize all of those things that have sustained this practice and that have kept us here and attracted those of you that are new and also I'll speak for myself, make a commitment on this issue of conflict and conflict resolution. I really think it's an important topic. It's the work, as the therapists like to say, and I think it's our work. I just wanted to say that I think it's a very important thing to acknowledge. We're not angels. We're going to have conflict. What are we going to do about it? And so, paraphrasing, I can't remember who, one of Bill Clinton's advisors back when he was president, where he said, I think the quote was, it's the economy stupid.

[29:00]

I think in our case, it's the practice stupid. Let's stay with that, because that may be the main thing that we work with. So, those are my remarks, and my intention was to... say what I've said and open this up. We have plenty of time here to talk about these things. Once again, it's a pleasure and honor to have this seat on this day. I can't believe that I agreed to do it and forgot. But here I am and yeah, so let's have a nice conversation here and then move on to our celebration this evening. But first, I would like Sojin to say, make some comment. You're supposed to be tranquil.

[30:17]

Tranquil! Tranquil, goddammit! But the fact is, practice is all about your problems. So, Zen students should not have problems, right? No. Zen students are about facing your problems. That's practice. our problems. We treasure our problems. We're not trying to eliminate them. It's like if you're struggling up a mountain, Without the difficulty there's no tranquility.

[31:27]

So it's not one or the other. Everything's good in our practice. That's how we can enjoy our practice. Otherwise we're always doubting, well what is this practice? Then you don't need to know. Well, so I'm glad to hear about that tranquility part. Somebody once remarked, speaking of conflict, that I was very edgy for a Zen student.

[32:34]

And of course, my standard response is, you should have seen me before. But anyway, so maybe talking about these things in some one, two, three. this issue of continuity of practice and what contributes to it, why we're here, what is the attractive force, what is the thing that brought us here, what is the thing that keeps us here. So Mary, you and I talked about this a little bit. Do you have anything to say? Ah, yes, Peter. The essential thing is to discern, to be able to discern falseness or truth in your practice. So when we find ourselves in conflict with whatever that means, we need love. For myself, I think there's a kind of cycle.

[34:14]

There's a kind of arc to that. It starts somewhere and it kind of lands somewhere. And probably The first part of that is separation, is feeling alien or different or from somebody or something for some reason, because they voted for Don Trump or, you know, whatever. So all of a sudden there's me and them or you and I, right? So that's the first thing that happens. You know, and then depending on the situation, you know, kind of getting caught in the analysis, you know, like, well, this person's an idiot, you know, or, you know, some story that we invent, you know, like, oh my God, or God, you know, and then that, then the eighth consciousness unloads, you know, and brings up all your trauma and history, and then that supercharges it. And then it's kind of a situation where, speaking for myself, where there's a kind of loss of composure, you know?

[35:25]

And that's when mistakes are made. You lose composure. And something happens that you don't really It doesn't represent who you are or you don't like it, but you just did it, you know? And then, of course, then there's the react, you know? And then you're off and running. And then somewhere in that cycle, somewhere along the line, hopefully, although perhaps some people are incapable of this, but hopefully we might be, you go, holy shit, what just happened? What did I just do, you know? And so then there's the regret, you know, and then there's the recrimination, you know, like, oh my God, I just made a pretty big mistake here, and I've hurt somebody, or what do I do now? You know, and then, hopefully, in the final stages of that, we find our way, or we figure out a way to, to, regret and to seek resolution and to say we're sorry and kind of reconnect with the situation, the person.

[36:42]

Yes. Yes. That's very good. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Peter. Yes. Yes. I'd like to think, my dear friend Ross, that after the passage of a bit of time and some reflection, that we are both able to give it up a little bit and reconnect.

[38:00]

Yeah. And thank you. where in the beginning I think you're making statements about what happened. Oh, this person did that to me, or oh, I was such an idiot for doing that, and now it's all wrong. But then you transform it into a question. And my experience Right, and when you don't necessarily come up with the answer, and yet you find yourself before that person resolves, is that, what I'm saying, is kind of the work of intention and the Buddhist response?

[39:20]

I'm on good health. Yes. Megan? Yes. from the necessity to be with people who are struggling along the same path that you are. I need the company of people who are practicing, which helps my own, and hopefully we all support each other in that way. So, this relationship between the Continuity gives you the strength to manage the conflicts. Yes, because when you just go along all on your own, it's too much against you to make it that way.

[40:26]

We're all trying for the same path and we fall off one way and we fall off another and come back. But it is a lot of strength in Sangha continuity to strengthen our own personal practice. Yeah, good. zen meditation anywhere. So she got a lot of questions for me while we were doing the dishes. And the very first question was, I noticed that not everybody around here is calm and peaceful like I thought zen people would be. And I noticed these things going on and those things going on.

[41:40]

And I told her, I said, Terry Jo, it's not a hard look. Right, right, right. It's going to save you a lot of trouble because people who come in, you know, are thinking they're going to be surrounded by enlightened beings and therefore by osmosis become enlightened. You know, they're in for a rough path, so you've just saved yourself a lot of trouble. And, you know, a lot of the conflict has been going on around here because, you know, some of it's landed on my lap. What I realized in trying to figure out what's going on is we don't come through these gates carrying a basket of suffering. Each and every one of us. We don't come through these gates to sit on our butts staring at And I remember the very first conflicts that I was noticing around here, somebody told me something that Sojin Roshi used to say.

[42:56]

It's like we're a bucket of dirty potatoes. You know, you pour the water in and you shake them around, let them bump around, and they're going to bump the dirt off each other and you'll wind up with clean potatoes. So, this has been, you know, we've had a lot of dirty potatoes this year. There's been a lot going on. And, you know, it really is what practice is all about. And how we're binding is wonderful. So that we remember, in the middle of things going on, that there is a still calm place within us. And it never goes away. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Teju. Linda? You mentioned that you would look back on how you handled some of this rest of the period, that you thought you'd done something wrong and felt bad about it. Well, um...

[44:27]

I think the sort of gravitational metaphor is useful. You know, like that sun is potent, you know, it's got a big gravitational field and yet, you know, you get this, the conflict is pushing you away. And there's sort of a boundary layer between the power of one versus the power of the other. And speaking for myself, despite this most recent conflict and others that I've witnessed that I'm not a direct party to, my Just speaking for myself, my devotion to practice, to our teacher, to my teacher, Sojourn Rosi, is kind of an answer also to Ross's question. It outperforms. It's gonna, sooner or later, catch me and draw me back.

[45:30]

And maybe that won't be true for everybody, but speaking for myself, Can that help you respond to your feeling that you've done things not the right way? Well, sure, because in that moment, I think, you know, what I just described is there's not a single person in this room that hasn't gone through this, correct? Anybody hasn't? This is life. And what's that feeling that Ross just mentioned of intimacy and connection on the back end of something like that, right? That's good. Yes, Kelsey? So, one of the conflicts I'm having is, why do I practice? My conflict is with this practice. Why do I keep going? What do you do in that situation? Well, I don't know. I mean, one answer,

[46:32]

Back, and this is something that Sojin has reminded me and others many times, that back, again, back to the metaphor, sometimes that comet goes flying off into the orc field, you know. And I flew off into the orc field for 30 years. And circumstances in my life, 17 years ago, you know, one of those scrapes close encounters with death reminded me of what was important, and I returned. So I think that's really something, you know, that's okay. Sojin, I mean... Buddha is an obstacle. It's an offense to your ego.

[47:38]

Yeah, and so maybe, and that's back to the problem. The problem that Sojin's mentioning, that's a problem. You know, that your ego is bumping up against its annihilation. And you don't like it, or it doesn't like it. So it's down in there. And it makes up a story. It makes up a story. That's the next phase. It makes up a story that says, oh, this is too hard. I like sleeping in the morning. Whatever. All that. Yeah. But back to this, somewhere in there though, there's this, in that arc somewhere, Peter questions about this. You have to be careful not to, you have to be kind of careful about taking responsibility for those things, but not telling another story that you're bad. You know, that's not good either. Like, oh my God, I don't want to lose a dozen, it must be bad.

[48:43]

You know, it's like nonsense too, right? So, yeah. Yes, Jay? Can I have one more question? Alan, would you like to say anything? Oh, yeah. There are places in which Dogen talks about continuity, and there are many, many places where he's really emphasizing discontinuity. And the fact of discontinuity, it's a different perspective. And what it means is like, I mean, I think it's what Linda was asking, and to your exchange with Ross, if you continue you're thinking you're eliminating the possibility of the fact that each moment is new each moment is fresh each moment the whole of reality is recreating itself and so something new can happen that is the

[50:10]

We get to start over Thank you, Ellen. I think that's a pretty good coda. Thank you.

[51:00]

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