This evening we have the ceremony for Suzuki Roshi's 14th anniversary of his death, 14 years ago. So I hung this scroll. This is a new scroll that he did. But I just got hold of it very recently. He actually gave his disciples, his ordained disciples, two scrolls. And the other one, It is the one that you've seen before, that we use every month when we have Tsukigoshi memorial service.

[01:14]

I hang that scroll. That's a more personal scroll. They're both personal scrolls, but this scroll is more permanent. at home. And the other scroll is more of a traveling scroll. If I go to the monastery, I take that scroll with me and put that up. But this one stays at home. And This scroll was, he made these scrolls, but he didn't have them mounted when he was alive. So, Oksan, his wife, had them. And then she asked Red to have them mounted when she went to Japan, when he went to Japan, several years ago.

[02:23]

And then, Bakuroshi had them took up. trying to get him to give them to us, which he finally did, gave us some of them. And so I just recently got this one. And it says, the middle column is Dai-on Honshi Shako Muni Butsu. The one on the right is Bodhidharma, and the one on the left is Dogen. And usually this kind of scroll will have Buddha, Dogen, and Keizan. Keizan is... We don't talk about Keizan very much, but Keizan Zenji was the fourth generation from Dogen.

[03:28]

and he actually made Dogen's... he propagated the Soto sect in Japan. Dogen wasn't so interested in... although he was... he brought the Soto teaching, he was just interested in Buddhism and not any particular sect or school. And Keizan is more like the founder of the Soto school. Dogon's teaching in Japan. So Dogon and Keizan are the two patriarchs of the Soto school. So in Japan, this kind of scroll would have Shakyamuni in the middle and Dogon and Keizan on either side, but this one has

[04:30]

Bodhidharma and Dogon, which is more appropriate for America to have the three teachers of the three places, India, China, and Japan. So it's a very nice school, and instead of using the other one, for when we have Suzuki Roshi Memorial, we can use this one. I'm not sure that that's a really, really appropriate way to do it, but we've always done it that way, and it gives us a chance to look at the scroll and appreciate that. I'd like to share those things with you.

[05:31]

I was saying that this is Suzuki Roshi's memorial day. I thought I would read something from one of his lectures. And the last two days I've been talking about body and mind and today I wanted to talk about breath. So I'll read Suzuki Roshi's talk on breathing from Zen by Beginner's Mind. He says, when we practice zazen, our mind always follows our breathing.

[06:50]

He means it should always follow. When we inhale, the air comes into the inner world. When we exhale, the air goes to the outer world. The inner world is limitless and the outer world is also limitless. We say inner world or outer world, but actually there's just one whole world. In this limitless world, our throat is like a swinging door. The air comes in and goes out like someone passing through a swinging door. If you think, I breathe, the I is extra. There is no you to say I. What we call I is just a swinging door which moves when we inhale and when we exhale. It just moves. That's all. When your mind is pure and calm enough to follow this movement, there is nothing.

[07:53]

No I, no world, no mind, no body, just a swinging door. So when we practice zazen, all that exists is the movement of the breathing. But we are aware of this movement. You should not be absent-minded. but to be aware of the movement does not be me, to be aware of your small self, but rather of your universal nature, or Buddha nature. This kind of awareness is very important because we are usually so one-sided. Our usual understanding of life is dualistic, you and I, this and that, good and bad. But actually, these discriminations are themselves the awareness of the universal existence. You means to be aware of the universe in the form of you, and I means to be aware of it in the form of I. You and I are just swinging doors. This kind of understanding is necessary.

[08:55]

This should not even be called understanding. It is actually the true experience of life through Zen practice. So when you practice Zazen, there is no idea of time or space. You may say, we started sitting at a quarter to six in this room. Thus, you have some idea of time, a quarter to six, and some idea of space in this room. Actually, what you are doing, however, is just sitting and being aware of the universal activity. That's all. This moment, the swinging door is opening in one direction, and the next moment, the swinging door will be opening in the opposite direction. Moment after moment, each one of us repeats this activity. Here, there is no idea of time or space. Time and space are one. You may say, I must do something this afternoon. But actually, there is no this afternoon.

[09:57]

We do things one after the other, that's all. There is no such time as this afternoon or one o'clock or two o'clock. At one o'clock you will eat your lunch. To eat lunch is itself one o'clock. You will be somewhere, but that place cannot be separated from one o'clock. For someone who actually appreciates our life, they are the same. But when we become tired of our life, we may say, I shouldn't have come to this place. It may have been much better to have gone to some other place for lunch. This place is not so good." In your mind, you create an idea of place separate from an actual time. Or you may say, this is bad, so I should not do this. Actually, when you say, I should not do this, you are doing not doing at that moment. So there is no choice for you. When you separate the idea of time and space, you feel as if you have some choice.

[11:03]

But actually, you have to do something. Or you have to do not doing. Not to do something is doing something. Good and bad are only in your mind. So we should not say, this is good or this is bad. Instead of saying bad, you should say not to do. If you think this is bad, it will create some confusion for you. Pretty interesting. Instead of saying, this is good, this is bad. If you don't think you should do it, you just don't do it. Or if you think you should do it, then you should just do it. So in the realm of pure religion, there is no confusion of time and space, or good or bad. All that we do is just to do something as it comes.

[12:05]

Do something. Whatever it is, we should do it, even if it is not doing something. We should live in this moment. So when we sit, we concentrate on our breathing, and we become a swinging door, and we do something we should do, something we must do. This is Zen practice. In this practice, there is no confusion. If you establish this kind of life, you have no confusion whatsoever. Tozan, a famous Zen master, said, The blue mountain is the father of the white cloud. The white cloud is the son of the blue mountain. All day long they depend on each other without being dependent on each other. The white cloud is always the white cloud. The blue mountain is always the blue mountain. This is a pure, clear interpretation of life.

[13:07]

There may be many things like the white cloud and blue mountain, man and woman, teacher and disciple. They depend on each other, but the white cloud should not be bothered by the blue mountain. The blue mountain should not be bothered by the white cloud. They are quite independent, but yet dependent. This is how we live and how we practice zazen. When we become truly ourselves we just become a swinging door and we are purely independent of and at the same time dependent upon everything. Without air we cannot breathe. Each one of us is in the midst of myriads of worlds. We are in the center of the world always, moment after moment. So we are completely dependent and independent If you have this kind of experience, this kind of existence, you have absolute independence. You will not be bothered by anything.

[14:09]

So when you practice zazen, your mind should be concentrated on your breathing. This kind of activity is the fundamental activity of the universal being. Without this experience, this practice, it is impossible to attain absolute freedom. He says a lot of things in that talk. But one of the things that gets into there is the relationship between student and teacher. when he quotes Tozan. He says, the blue mountain is the father of the white cloud. The white cloud is the son of the blue mountain.

[15:13]

All day long they depend on each other without being dependent on each other. That's too much to even want to explain. If you understand that, you understand the relationship between teacher and student. All day long they depend on each other without being dependent on each other. In breathing, scientifically speaking, not that I know anything about science, but scientifically speaking, the lungs don't do the breathing.

[16:30]

The lungs respond, but actually the breath passing in and out is caused by pressure. When we inhale, there's pressure in the chest cavity, so-called, and more pressure inside than outside. And so, in order to equalize that pressure, the lungs exhale. And then there's a decrease in pressure inside and more pressure outside. So in order to equalize that, the lungs fill with air. It's kind of like water finding its own level. We really have almost nothing to do with it. and in zazen, to just leave our breath alone and to follow the motion of the breath, it takes a very subtle concentration of mind.

[17:52]

Because when we start to focus on our breath, almost inadvertently we start to control it. And as soon as you become conscious, your mind becomes conscious of your breathing, you don't know whether you're controlling it or not. Since you weren't controlling it when you were conscious, I mean when you were not conscious, you don't know the difference. You don't really have much to compare it to. But when we focus on our breathing, pretty much we start to set up some kind of rhythm, and we start to follow our breath according to the rhythm that our mind sets up. And it's very hard to not do that. As soon as you start to count your breath, then your mind sets up some kind of pattern, some rhythmic pattern for counting.

[19:04]

So strictly speaking, counting is good practice because it helps to focus our attention on our breathing. But to really follow your breath, I think it's better not counting because counting can also set up a kind of interference. But it's good if you can count and at the same time not set up some special rhythm for your breathing. When our mind follows our breath, so to speak, when our attention, when we can follow breath with attention,

[20:14]

follow the breath, not lead the breath, but follow its movement. That's when you can really be absorbed in breathing. And when you can be absorbed in breathing in that way, Just breathing is very natural and our mind just follows the movement of the breathing like when you stand on two sides, when someone is standing on the other side of a window and you put your hands up and you follow the movement of the person's hand, you know? to be that exact, to just let your mind follow that way.

[21:21]

You can accept the pain in your legs much more easily. It becomes some kind of feeling, but it's not good or bad. somehow your mind becomes very non-judgmental at that point. It's just like Suzuki Roshi says, just doing. Not setting up some judgment about it, but just doing. When your mind can follow your breath in just doing, then your mind can also follow the pain in your legs. as just doing. Same thing. Sashin, you know, can either be a torture chamber or it can be a very wonderful experience.

[22:38]

But in order for it to be a wonderful experience you have to let go of that judgmental mind. So it forces you. The reason he says the only way you can do this is through zazen, because it forces you to do something that ordinarily you don't do. You never get in that position where you have to do this. And in Sashin, we put ourselves in this position but there's no way that we can do it unless we drop it. So, seshin, you know, is called a matter of life and death. If you really do it, you have to drop

[23:41]

your resistance, your ego, your judgmental mind. And when you can do that, when you're just sitting with doing, no judgment, no idea about what it is, no special idea about what this is, then practice is enlightenment on that moment. Not doing it to get enlightened, but enlightenment is right there. So it's just our natural mind free from discrimination.

[25:25]

But as Suzuki Roshi says in his lecture, even though we speak from a standpoint of you and I, which is discrimination, it's still You and I are expressions of that, what he calls, big mind. You are expressing big mind from point of view of you, and I'm expressing big mind from point of view of me, so to speak. So we don't get rid of our small mind, but we use it to express reality. So when we breathe in zazen, even though we don't do this, I highly recommend that you do do this, to take some deep breaths before you start to settle, or just after you settle.

[27:13]

into your sitting position. You know, if you read Fukan Zazengi, Dogen says, take a deep breath and settle into your immobile sitting position. You should take that deep breath, actually, because it helps you to establish breathing. It's very important. to have a beginning to sitting practice, to sitting, and to begin it in some fresh way. Kardagiri Roshi used to teach us to take three breaths before zazen, before just assuming a normal breathing.

[28:20]

And this is the way he showed it. He put your hands on your knees, and when you inhale, you inhale through your mouth, and put your head back, and then exhale. Push all the air up. And then inhaling it. And then exhale. And you do that three times. And that, and then you just let your breath come and go through your nose normally. But when you do that, it establishes your breath all the way down here. which is where your breathing should be. If your breathing is still up here, you need to establish it so that it can go down and be in your lower abdomen.

[29:27]

Shallow breathing will cause a lot of problems in Zazen. It'll cause hallucinations and tension. and maybe cause you to get faint, or cause your body to feel strange feelings like an elephant, or you may feel like a solid block of iron with a little head on top. Have you ever felt those feelings inside you? are huge and I'm all blown up in some way. So those kinds of feelings come through restricted breath. Most of the problems that we have in zazen actually come through restricted breathing.

[30:33]

So as much as possible you should allow your breath to be very free and deep. You don't have to watch your breath coming all the way up and going out through your nose. Breath kind of seems like it does that, but it's kind of like water in a pipe. When you turn off the tap and then turn it on again, the water's right there. It's not that the water disappears from the pipe. It's still right there, so you can't say exactly. You may feel, well, the air enters my nose, And it comes down to here. Or wherever it comes to, but it should be here. But actually, when we breathe, the whole pipe is filled up. The whole tube is filled up with air. And you can't see where it comes in and goes out.

[31:35]

This is just the nostril, just one more place. You can point to it, but it's not any different than the air all the way down here. So when you breathe, we watch our lower abdomen. That's the lowest place where the air comes to. That's the turning point, or diaphragm, or lower abdomen. Some places are not in this area. So we watch the lowest place. If you read a book on Buddhism, if you read the Satipatthana Sutta, it will say that that Shakyamuni Buddha recommends watching the tip of your nose when watching the air come and go there. I'm not saying that that's wrong, and you might even try doing that at some point, it's okay. But what we do is watch our breath here as it comes and goes.

[32:42]

When we inhale, the lower abdomen expands. You feel that, and you feel it contract when you inhale. And in normal breathing, normal zazen breathing, we take a short breath to inhale. And the exhale has more pressure to it, and it goes out more slowly. The inhaling is very quick. more quick and free. Now some people it's more equal, but most people it's quick in-breath and a longer out-breath, exhale. And you can say that inhaling is like bringing to life, and exhaling is like dying.

[33:49]

You can think that way. And you can think that birth and death is happening in each moment. Each moment is a moment of inspiration and expiration. But it's all happening in the same place, which is kind of an interesting way to think about birth and death. It doesn't come from someplace or go someplace. It all happens right here. Sometimes, in the old books, it describes breathing in watching one place for the breath, not watching its travel, just watching one place, like a saw sawing a piece of wood, sawing a log.

[35:11]

You don't watch the end of the saw go down there and come all the way back. You just watch what's happening where the two meet. So the same with your breath, just watch where it turns around here. But during the course of zazen and sasheen, our breath will change a lot. Various things will happen. Sometimes we'll get very tense, or sometimes our posture will change and we can't breathe so easily. So it's good to sit up, because that helps your breathing to be free. Good posture helps breathing, even if it hurts your legs a little bit more. Sometimes, during sashimi, we kind of tend to lean back and lose our posture because it's easier on our legs. And if you do this, it does release some of the pain in your legs.

[36:16]

And so that's a tendency, but your breathing gets cramped. So even though it does hurt your legs a little bit, sit up straight, and then you can be more mindful of breathing. Breathing will be easier, and your legs won't hurt as much. It's very subtle. It's very subtle, you know. The difference between... The pain is still there, but the difference between becoming attached to it and not becoming attached to it is very subtle. If you don't become attached to it, you actually begin to enjoy it. because you're not held in its grip.

[37:28]

And so you feel great joy because you have that freedom. It's not that you're free from pain that makes you feel joyful, but that you have great freedom from it. Or even just a little freedom from it. So you can be in control and not be a victim, not be dominated by it. So that's what I would like us to work on during Sashim. There's plenty to do, moment after moment.

[38:29]

So just stay awake and aware and watch, try and let your attention follow your breath rather than control it. You may feel it's okay to control it to a certain extent, But after a while, you know, it won't feel so good. So at that point, let go of your breath. Let go of thinking about it. And pay more attention to your posture. And then reestablish your attention on your breathing again. And just try and let your mind follow the subtle movement of your breathing without changing it, without controlling it. And if you become absorbed in that, You won't have... You may not have so much problem. It will help you, actually, to... be free of the... from the pain in your legs.

[39:46]

Do you have a question? Yes. Well, he did have a lot of pain. He was always in good humor. Never saw him in bad humor. And he was always giving. And everybody always just felt real good about him and the way he was dying. You know, he didn't feel sorry for himself. And on the other hand, he wasn't acting like a martyr. He was just like he was doing his odds in. with the pain, practicing zazen with the pain.

[40:59]

It's like the picture on the wall. Yeah, that's right. He wasn't very well then, actually, when that picture was taken. Because he's kind of thin. So he was not very well. And when he died, you know, he did it right at the first period of sashin. First period, no hot sushi. And all we could do was sit those in for seven days. Shakyamuni Buddha, Bodhidharma, and Dogon.

[42:14]

And all those characters are names? Yeah. I'm not sure exactly what it is character by character. I'll try to find out more about it. I really don't know very much about it, to tell you the truth. But I will try to find out more about it. I'll let you know. What does the other one mean? Well, the other one, each character is a little different and I have to have the scroll here to tell you what all those things are. It's like the teacher, you know, goes after the student as kind of And it's like, what kind of protection?

[43:18]

Like, this is for you. For me. For this place. So that kind of feeling of protection. taking care of you. That kind of intention. And that's what this is too. But this is more like lineage. This scroll is more like lineage. And the other one is more personal. But I'll explain that one.

[44:07]

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