I think this is the sixth day of Sachine. I lose track. After a while, it's just a way of life. And the days don't seem to make so much difference which day it is. It's like when you're in the monastery at Tassajara, you ask, is this Wednesday or Friday? I don't know. It's a joke. It's a different kind of time. system, so you lose track. So anyway, this is the last day, and next to the last day, tomorrow is the last day, and tomorrow we will have Buddha's enlightenment ceremony in the morning.

[01:26]

So I decided that we wouldn't have a lecture tomorrow because the ceremony will take up some time in the morning and then we can sit the rest of the morning and have shosan in the afternoon. So today, a wonderful koan, which, although it's not one that was mentioned by Dogen in his Fukan Zazengi, it applies very nicely to our Sashimi.

[02:34]

This is case number 17 in the Blue Cliff Record called, well, I won't tell you what it's called. Master Engo introduces. And he says, cutting through nails and breaking steel. For the first time, one can be called the master of the first principle. If you keep away from arrows and evade swords, you will be a failure in Zen. As for the subtle point where no probe can be inserted, that may be set aside for a while. But when the foaming waves wash the sky, what will you do with yourself then? See the following. Main subject. A monk asked Kyorin, What is the meaning of Bodhidharma's coming from the West?

[03:41]

Cure and sit. Sitting long, getting tired. And then Setcho has his verse. One, two, and tens of hundreds of thousands. Take off the muzzle and set down the load. If you turn left and right, following another's lead. I would strike you as Shiko struck Ryotetsuma. So, Engo says in his introduction, cutting through nails and breaking steel, for the first time one can be called a master of the first principle. If you keep away from arrows and evade swords, you will be a failure in Zen. In our practice of Zen, we come up against some pretty difficult obstacles.

[05:06]

In our life we come up against difficult obstacles, period. But our practice of Zen is to face and take on the difficult obstacles. That's what Zen practice is, is to take on and face the difficult obstacles without running away. in our life we have an opportunity to evade but sooner or later things come around and we can no longer avoid them and sometimes these things come around late in our life

[06:12]

because we've avoided them for so long. But a good sense student will face every problem as it comes up and deal with it. So we always have some problem in our life. And our problem, you know, we have a number of problems. But if you look at our problems, you can put, say, maybe five or six problems and see the root of those five or six problems as one root. And maybe these three or four problems as one root.

[07:15]

And you can refine the problems down to maybe two or three roots so that you can deal with them in a more fundamental way rather than... I knew who was walking in the door. Rather than one by one, trying to cut off the flowers one by one, you can get to the root. This is how we take care of things. So our obstacles actually become our means of practice.

[08:24]

Our difficulties become our means of practice. So to avoid our difficulty, to avoid what we need to not avoid, is to miss the practice. So we say, in Japan, when people see a Zen monk, meet a Zen monk, when you're introduced to somebody as a Zen monk, they say, oh, very difficult, very hard. That's their reaction. Not that all the Zen monks have a hard life, but they should. It's not that they should have a hard life, it's that they should be facing their problems and using their problems as their practice.

[09:28]

You know, we're always talking about our difficulties. And it's very difficult to stop the process of karma. We keep doing the same things over and over again, and keep perpetuating our problem over and over again. It's very discouraging. And we want to eliminate the problem. Because it keeps going over and over again, and we're tired of it, and we don't like it, and it's not good for us, we want to eliminate our problem. So we go to great lengths to try to get rid of our problems. But in Zen, we don't necessarily try to get rid of our problems. It's nice when we don't have it.

[11:01]

But problem is something that we practice with. It's like our little brother, our little sister. We take it along with us. And we talk to it. And we treat it kindly. And we don't try to push it around. and we acknowledge it and we don't necessarily try to hide it. When a person is very open about their problem and honest and shows their difficulty, we have sympathy and trust for that person and it's possible to help a person like that. I don't mean someone who's so obsessive they're always talking about their problem.

[12:04]

That's going over the other too far. Sometimes if someone is so obsessive and always talking about their problem, it's very annoying. And you want to say, please stop. It's time to stop. You've had your moment of self-indulgence and self-pity and self-sorrow. Please stop. Okay. Now, deal with your real problem. Often, this kind of indulgence hides our problem, which is self-pity. He says, cutting through nails and breaking steel for the first time one can be called master of the first principle.

[13:05]

It means you've really engaged and chewed on what can't be chewed on and dealt with what can't be dealt with. And you're OK. If you keep away from arrows and evade swords, you will be a failure in Zen. You know, our most difficult adversary is ourself. It's, you know, it's swords. It refers to battle. But the battle that we have is the internal one. And we're always projecting it out on others. If they didn't treat me that way, if they, you know, didn't act like this, if they, they, they. But a sense student never does that. This student always comes back to himself or herself and says, how can I deal with this person, not with you?

[14:14]

If I know how to deal with myself, then I know how to deal with you. So we're dealing with that adversary. How can I get a blow into this one? But actually, what you're fighting with is yourself. So we must be very careful to always be circumspect and come back to ourself as the problem. Even though someone may be causing us a problem, that does happen. But we have to come back always to ourself as the problem. We don't like doing that because we like ourself too much. Too much self-cleaning.

[15:19]

In the meal suture we say, let's let go of self-cleaning, hopefully. The main thing is to let go of self-clinging. That's really what our practice is about. To let go of self-clinging. To see the problem here, not out there. If everybody would see the problem here, the world would suddenly be quiet. So he says, as for the subtle point where no probe can be inserted, that may be set aside for a while. The place where you can't even get a needle in, this is Samadhi, with no gap, where not even a needle, nothing can disturb it.

[16:31]

This is our totally calm mind at rest, where nothing can get in to disturb it. He said, never mind that. Let's set that part aside. But when the foaming waves wash the sky, what would you do with yourself then? When you have difficulty upon difficulty, What will you do then? There are two ways to look at that. One is, when you're sitting in Zazen, and there's no gap between body, mind, and the universe, and everything is at peace. And then, suddenly, it shifts. And then, pain upon pain, and disturbance upon disturbance, And the waves watch over you in great rolling torrents.

[17:39]

What do you do then? And the other way of looking at it is, when everything is totally at peace, you can't get even a needle in to disturb it. Set that aside. But what about when you walk out the door and enter the world? where everybody's killing each other and there's turmoil and problem upon problem. How will you handle that? So here's the main subject. A monk asked Kyo Rin, What is the meaning of Bodhidharmas coming from the West? This is the old question that people used to ask in those days. Meaning, what's the meaning of Buddhism?

[18:41]

What's the meaning of Dharma? What's the meaning of Zen? Kyoren said, sitting long and getting tired. You could say sitting long is hard to penetrate. You could say sitting long becomes toilsome. Those are three interpretations. I like sitting long and getting tired. It's a good one. This is called the work of no reward. People want to know all about Buddhism. What does it mean? And what are the doctrines of Buddhism? And what is the philosophy of Buddhism? People want pictures, and they want nice words, and diagrams, and something they can understand.

[19:50]

Kyorin cuts off everybody's tongue. He says, sitting long, getting tired. Just stop. The whole world goes, and comes to a stop. And everybody's mouth hangs open. There's an old saying, Are you a monk of body or a monk of mind? Dogen talks about this. Are you a monk of body or a monk of mind? You know, we say, why do we have to do this strange practice that hurts so much?

[20:56]

Isn't this a kind of masochistic practice where your body hurts and you just keep doing it. But if you look at it from the other side, ordinarily we're doing the practice of the mind. This is the practice of the body. Ordinarily we're doing the practice of the mind, which is so painful. The real pain is the practice that we do all the time, which is Mental anguish. And we don't even realize how anguished we are because it's so normal. So we give the mind a little rest and take on the body. Practice with the body. Actually, the body includes the mind, and the mind includes the body.

[22:00]

So you don't have to worry. When you stop worrying, you can practice. We just practice with the body. And we say the body is painful. The body is painful, but it's the mind that hurts. The body is painful, but it's the mind that hurts. It's the mind that's bothered. So Zen practice is practice of the body. It's a question, body or mind? Body or mind? It's a kind of koan. When the mind is at ease, the body is at ease. When the body is at ease, the mind is at ease.

[23:06]

just lay down the burden. There's nothing to discuss, but we discuss anyway. And so there are 10,000 books, 5,000 pictures, 1,000 diagrams, endless talking and explaining. But it's all very simple. Suzuki Roshi used to say, we make a mistake on purpose by explaining and discussing. But we have to do that. We have to explain, we have to discuss. So what's okay? But we shouldn't get confused. Master Tenke says something like, when you sit for a long time, your legs hurt, that's all.

[24:40]

There's no irritation, no regret. Eyes horizontal, nose vertical. When Douyin came back from China, they said, what did you bring back? And he said, I didn't bring much, but one thing I know that the eyes are horizontal and the nose is vertical. Eyes horizontal can mean I see everything equally. Nose vertical can mean I see everything as different. I see the unique quality of each different thing. And where these two meet is true mind. So Setso in his verse says,

[25:52]

One, two, and tens of hundreds of thousands, that means lots of people. And the implication is that these thousands of people can thank Kyorin. They take off the muzzle, no, one, two, tens of thousands of, take off the muzzle and set down the load. This is actually an old saying of Shakyamuni. He says, lay down the burden. Lay down your burden. This is the most fundamental teaching of Buddhism. Lay down the burden. What are you carrying around? We're all carrying so much around. And it's hard to lay down the burden because we identify with what we're carrying around.

[26:55]

If we say, who are you? You present your burden. When you think about, who am I? You present our burden. How do you get beyond that? And then he says, if you turn left and right, following another's lead, I would strike you as Shiko struck Ryutetsuma. Well, this is a story, an old story. Ryutetsuma was a Zen nun. And she was very highly developed. Ryutetsuma means old iron or grinding mill, an old grinding mill.

[27:56]

And she used to pulverize the monks. Who she had Dharma battle with. And there's actually several famous, several stories about her. One of which is very sweet. But she was considered a peer by all the monks. And no one could really grapple with her and come out unscathed. So there's a story about, which is short. Shiko was a disciple of Nansen and a Dharma brother of Joshu. And he was a master with a sharp Zen spirit. And Ryu Tetsuma was a nun and a disciple of Isan. She was famous for her shrewdness in Dharma battle.

[28:57]

Many monks had mortifying experiences with her. Ryu was her family name. And Tetsuma, Iron Mill, was a nickname implying that she pounded her opponents in Dharma battle like an iron millstone grinding wheat into flour. One day, Ryutetsuma appeared unexpectedly before Shiko, who said, are you not Ryutetsuma, the famous? And she said, you are warm. And he said, well, do you turn to the right or the left? And she said, you can't overturn. And he slapped her. And they say, her retort was not bad, but a Dharma contest is an exciting and exacting matter.

[30:03]

And before she had finished speaking, she was struck by Shiko. It is said that she should have dealt the blow to Shiko herself when he asked, do you turn right or left? So they used to have these kinds of Dharma battles all the time. This is to sharpen their bring the Dharma, to be with the Dharma, you know, moment by moment, not lose themselves. Which reminds me of a wonderful little saying. It's one of my favorites. because it describes a Zen teacher so well. When I first read this, it was in a book of Thomas Merton.

[31:12]

And he was talking about Zen. And he had this in there. An old master said, monks ought to behave like a grinding stone. Chong San comes to sharpen his knife. Li Tzu comes to grind his axe. Everybody and anybody who wants to have his metal improved in any way comes and makes use of the stone. Each time the stone is rubbed, it wears out, but it makes no complaint, nor does it boast of its usefulness. And those who come go home fully benefited. Some of these may not be quite appreciative of the stone. But the stone itself remains ever contained. He says contented. But I don't like the word contented so well. It sounds too complacent. I like contained a little better, or some other word.

[32:19]

Remains ever. OK. So, this is, so, and this Rio Tetsuma, the old stone, grinding stone, reminded me of this story. But as a matter of fact, as I was looking through, I saw that, and it all came together. This is what, this is the experience from the side of a teacher. like a grinding stone. Chong San comes to sharpen his knife. Li Tzu comes to grind his axe. Everybody and anybody who wants to have his metal improved in any way comes and makes use of the stone. Each time the stone is rubbed, it wears out, but it makes no complaint, nor does it boast of its usefulness.

[33:24]

And those who come go home fully benefited. Some of these may not be quite appreciative of the stone, if the stone itself remains ever contained. So, the teacher doesn't really do much. The teacher does practices like, you know, there's nothing really to do but be an example But then we have to talk, and we have to communicate, and we have to teach. So we do it. And whatever comes up, we just take care of it.

[34:26]

Basically, there's nothing to do. But something's always coming up. So we have to take care of it. The practice of a Zen student is not to have anything to do, but just to take care of whatever comes up in front of you. To take care of it. To not evade it, not sidestep it, but face it and deal with it, one way or another. without blame, without praise, and always looking at, what's my bottom line? Each one of us should know, where is my bottom line? Where do I really stand? And what do I really stand behind?

[35:31]

If you're a teacher, you should be able to meet everyone. Everyone who you meet, you have to deal with without evading it. So this is always a big question. meeting contains its own colon. And it's the same for all of us. Why did Bodhidharma come from the West? Just sat down. and let go of everything. The old monk who had nothing to do.

[36:45]

But when you lay down everything, have nothing to do, you get very busy. Do you have any question? Yes, Charlie? Well, didn't Bode and I try to come to China a couple of times before he was welcomed? It could be that, you know, before he was what? Welcomed. Before he found, you know, a place to practice. He may have not gotten there a couple of times, but once he got there, He met the Emperor. The Emperor invited him to court. And the Emperor asked him, who are you? And he said, I don't know. That's better than stating your burden.

[37:51]

That's laying down your burden. Laying down your burden is, I don't know. Is it possible for such an old monk, such a grinding stone, to make a mistake? Old monks make mistakes all the time. Matter of fact, the whole life is one continuous mistake. As you know. And how do they handle that? One at a time. One at a time. One continuous mistake. Well, Ross? You said a moment ago that when you stop warying, then you can practice. When you stop? Warying. W-O-R-R-Y. Oh, wary-ing. Wary-ing. And for me, it sounds like we practice with our wary.

[38:54]

shifts, so it wasn't that dramatic. Well, let me say something. We all have worries. Everybody has worries. And sometimes the worry is so intense that we can't do anything else. But even so that so, we still sit zazen. And we sit zazen, and the worry is just heavy. And then we, why am I sitting zazen? And we carry the burden through months of zazen, you know, and little by little we find it's less worry, a little less worry, and then a little more clarity, a little more clarity, and they begin to go this way, you know. And maybe it's years, and maybe it's another worry, you know, but the thread of practice can contain the worry.

[40:10]

The container of practice can contain whatever problem you have. And if you trust the practice, if you trust your practice as the only thing that you have, then it will contain your worry, and you no longer have to worry about it. But, you know, you can't just take worry off and set it aside, right? It's there. I said, that's your problem. That's the nice thing that you have to work with. Worry with? Yes. You just work with your worry. That's your koan. That's your wonderful treasure. But you see, there's a problem. Our problem is this wonderful treasure we have to work with. You're never going to be without one. You will never be without a problem. So you might as well stay with the one you've got. We create a bigger problem by trying to get rid of our problem.

[41:21]

The problem will be there, and we work with it. It's like an oyster with a grain of sand. It's painful to the oyster, but it produces something very beautiful if you know how to work with it, if you allow yourself to work with it. I'm not saying that we shouldn't you know, get therapy, stuff like that. That's a different, that's something else. But we should be appreciative of the problem. If we can appreciate the problem, that's half the problem solved. Right. Well Zen is a kind of therapy. It's cheap.

[42:23]

It's cheap. You get what you pay for. Mark? What does it mean to you that the stone is worn out by use? Oh yeah, you are the stone that's worn out by the use. The worn out part is a little exaggerated. Teacher doesn't get worn out, actually. Worn down, is it? Well, I don't know. You can see that in several ways. Worn, used. Used up. I think used up may be better because

[43:26]

Teachers should be used up. In other words, total offering. So maybe used up would be better than worn down. I like that better. The stone is totally used up. Yeah, that's a good point. David? It's clinging to a self, clinging to this person as a self. And what does clinging to a person as a self mean? I mean, there is a self, you know, and we protect it, and we feed it, and we take care of it, and we idolize it. But it's a very transient thing, and there is no core of this self.

[44:31]

It's kind of like a whirlwind. The whirlwind thinks it's a whirlwind. And it is a whirlwind. But there's no core to it. It's just a created thing that spins and then poof. That's what we mean by no self. Not clinging to this self which has no real core. not being self-centered. But the whirlwind, although it has no inherent existence, doesn't mean that it's not real. It's a real nothing. It's a real whirlwind. But when you look at what is a whirlwind, It's all the elements in the universe are creating this form.

[45:40]

So the whirlwind doesn't have to worry because it can't get out of the universe. It may not exist in this form, but it should know who it is. It should know that There's no escaping from this universe, no matter what form. This is called realizing who you are, realization. So our true nature is light, enlightenment. And we have to wake up to this. That's called realizing our nature, which is the whole universe. I think my question is related to Rasa's about the difference between laying down your burden and confronting your obstacles.

[46:52]

Sometimes I don't know which I'm dealing with, whether the thing that I'm struggling with is something to just lay down or dive into it more. Well, Shakyamuni Buddha would advise you to lay it all down and start over again. Instead of trying to fix it, lay it down and start from scratch and don't try to fix all this. And then when you start, start from the correct or good roots cultivate good roots so that you no longer be caught by the old brambles. We're constantly reaching out and grabbing things which are tearing into pieces because those things that we reach out for and grab onto are moving.

[48:11]

in different directions and they tear us apart. So cultivate this instead of reaching out for these branches that are going to pull you apart because they are moving in different directions. And the more you hang on to them, the more it hurts. suggests letting go, letting go, letting go of thoughts, feelings, emotions that say to you, look over their shoulder, something more fundamental, something more simple. Let go, let go, let go. And if, after all that letting go, they don't let go of you, to let them have you.

[49:13]

To let them destroy you. Enter them completely. Well, that's also so. But they don't have you. You have them. We think they have us, but it's really us that grabs onto them. You know, there's this famous story, the man that came to visit the rabbi, and he said, Oh, all these, the evil urge just keeps chasing me and chasing me and grabs me and will not let go of me. And have I said something like, you think it's the evil urge chasing you, but actually if you, I can't tell the story so well, but it just is, it's really you running after things, thinking that they're running after you,

[50:22]

These burdens seem to comprise a kind of drama. They have an inexhaustible, strange What would, if the scene was so, that richness would be eviscerated, become, if it were removed, what would we, what would our means of exchange be? What would the dialogue be? Don't remove it. Just smile through your pain. If you can smile through your pain, That's easy. That's easy?

[51:27]

So what's the problem? But would two people whose burdens are Would it be like music in front of them? Sure. Yes, the dance. Music. A ballet. When we have meals in the Zen Dojo, we don't have any problems. We just have this ballet. People sit in their seats, the servers come in, and they sing a ballad. and we'd go to the bowls and we'd chat and we'd sing our song and we'd eat our food. Yeah, we'd all feed each other, right?

[52:28]

We'd feed each other wonderful things and dance together. The conversation would be more abstract. Well, you don't need to talk so much. You only talk when it's necessary because there's so many other ways to communicate. But because we communicate through talking so much, because we want to be heard, that we tend to minimize the other ways of communicating, which... So, you know, in a community like this, in this kind of practice, talking is kept at a minimum, so that perception becomes more wise, But when you're talking, you're not perceiving other ways, other things. And the brain is reeling out.

[53:29]

So this way, without talking, you become part of things. You really become part of things, which you already are. But you become aware of the part that you play with everything. But talking is great. I mean, here I am doing all the talking. But, life is complex. So, it's, you know, laying down the burden. People can, you can lay down everything and not have anything. That's good. As long as you are, realize your totality. But if you don't have anything and don't realize your totality, then you're just lost. Right? You're just isolated. So, you don't want to become isolated.

[54:30]

So, little by little, you know, see how much you can let go of and still be okay. Simplify. You know, it's difficult, but... There are those things which will always be with us and which we always have to deal with. And we should recognize that and realize it and be happy about it. Okay, that's it. These are my problems. I'm miserable and it's okay. I think we compound our problem when we feel we're miserable and it's not okay. Or it hurts and it's not okay. The wanting it to be different is what creates the suffering. When we sit all day for seven days, the wanting it to be different is what causes the problem.

[55:37]

And it's very subtle. The mind is very subtle. And it will cause that problem. And you have to be very wary. It's like a dharma combat with yourself. When that doubt comes up, or when that desire starts to rise, to not take it up. Not indulge that. and just to remain still and calm without bringing that up, without taking it up. Yes? Couldn't it also be said that wanting it to be the same can be a problem? Wanting is a problem. This is, as Shakyamuni said, desire is the problem. Wanting it to be the same, yes. Just being there on each moment with what it is,

[56:42]

And the next moment, this is what it is. This moment, this is what it is. And the moment is the same. It's the same moment for seven days. It's just that the events change. So we're sitting in this total moment, moment of totality, and the events are changing. And just let them change. Change with the events. Let the beat just deal with each moment's change. James. I'm sitting and everything's clear and all of a sudden I realize things have been very unclear for quite a while and I didn't notice the transition between when things were very

[57:44]

know I was paying attention and when I got caught up or allowed myself to get caught up I don't know how to Though I'm a million miles away, I can let something out. I've been thinking about it for years. Why are you worried about that? It's not too much to be worried about. It's more if I can breathe. Just at that point, this is where I am. It doesn't matter what happened before. It doesn't make any difference. It's just, oh, here I am. This is called waking up. As soon as you say, oh, here I am, that's called waking up.

[58:50]

That's the only thing that matters. Oh. You just wake up, that's all. Finally I'm awake. That's all. The rest of it is just time gone by with something happening. I don't have time for any more questions, but I will, just you and you. You're first. I hate to, I don't mean to sound silly, but this practice requires such a lot of discipline. Yes, discipline. And, you know, before I started trying to do this, My Life is My Life, it was really good. But now that I'm trying to do this, it looks so nice. What does? that other life out there. Oh, yes. The non-disciplined life.

[59:52]

The non-disciplined life. Yeah, so what do you do when you feel like what you really want to do is play golf? I mean, I know it's not the answer, but it's so insidious. Well, as soon as something competes with your desires, the desires become very strong. So you have to know that. And you say, oh, my desire is now competing with my intention. But I won't let them do that, even though it hurts. That's emotional pain. Just like Zazen. Oh, I'll just take this emotional pain for what it is. Just feel it. Just let it be there and go about my intention. Psychologists have done these studies on, for example, pessimists and optimists.

[61:00]

They find out that pessimists have... Pessimist genes, now, and optimist genes. Well, they found out that pessimists have much higher rates of serious disease and so forth. So then what they try to do is, you know, to become optimist. So my question is, how is it that you say in Zen, just to sit with the problems, a pessimist shouldn't try to become an optimist. A pessimist is going to be a pessimist. They just sit with the problem and don't try to change it. Whereas in therapy, they actually try to switch that type of thinking over to another kind of thinking. Well, yeah, that's the whole thing. No need for pessimism or optimism. You tend to be a, what?

[62:13]

Maybe a shit internationalist. Yeah, that's good.

[62:18]

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